


In-laws

by Gloria0202



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: AU, Childhood Friends, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, Clexa babies, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Hurt, In-Laws, Love, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 307,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24519955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloria0202/pseuds/Gloria0202
Summary: Lexa receives a letter from her adoptive brother Finn who invites her to meet his future wife / her future sister in law who is none other than Clarke Griffin.Repost for the ones who asked.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Costia/Lexa (The 100), Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 63
Kudos: 193





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> My apologies for the ones to whom I sent a corrupted copy of this fanfic. Apprently the pdf copy I downloaded myself was corrupted so I'm reposting it.

**Present time,**

**Year 2017, at Lexa’s mansion;**

Lexa goes through her mail and much to her surprise she finds a letter from her brother of heart who is her cousin Finn.

Finn is her adoptive brother, and her best friend too. She hasn’t heard from him for a while. Their adult life was taking much of their time, Lexa is the youngest successful CEO and Finn is deployed in the Middle East.

She studies the envelope and the neat handwriting for a moment, she can tell it is already a good news since her address is written in his own handwriting, very familiar to her. Lexa always dreads to receive a cold letter or a phone call letting her know that her stupid reckless brother died in the field. Finn is her hero and she doesn’t want him to be anyone’s hero.

However she never was able to keep him from enlisting into the military. Finn has always been the most spontaneous one of them and the most rebellious one, Lexa in the other hand was the good obedient daughter and the most responsible one. She always puts sense in him but she never managed to keep him from leaving.

She walks to her office a smile plastered on her face, Finn’s letters are little rays of sunshine into her days. She loves traditional mail and as Finn is the most considerate brother he always sends her letters instead of using the phone and internet. She pushes the door softly and gets in, sitting into her luxurious leather chair and takes the letter opener then slid it carefully to not tear any piece of paper. She hooks her slender finger, opens the envelope and starts reading the letter right away.

Barely a minute later, Costia leans against the door’s frame and stares at Lexa who doesn’t notice her presence. She smiles fondly at the sight of the brunette focused. Lexa chuckles as she takes what seems like a picture from the envelope and looks at it and Costia understands that it must be Finn’s letter Lexa is holding in her hands so carefully. Knowing that only Finn’s letters can have that effect on her girlfriend.

“Finn?” Costia asks and Lexa nods without tearing her gaze away from the letter. Costia feels slightly jealous of not having as much effect on her as Finn or all of her other friends have. Lexa is nice and careful but she is fiercely loyal to her family which includes Finn and her two best friends Anya and Raven. Costia never felt fully part of their group despite being the first long term relationship of Lexa which she knows is a big thing.

She walks to Lexa’s desk and sits on the edge crossing her legs sexily and waits for her girlfriend to finish reading the letter. Once done, Lexa smiles and shakes her head lightly while placing cautiously the letter and the picture into the envelope before opening the top drawer of her desk and putting it delicately with other envelopes.

She leans back in her chair and eyes Costia's legs hungrily unconsciously licking her lip.

“Did you have breakfast yet?” Costia asks making Lexa’s eyes go up to hers.

“Not yet, I was about to,” She explains with a flush in her cheeks, Costia still makes her feel like a horny teenager. “Did you?” She asks back despite knowing that she left her asleep in her bed barely twenty minutes ago.

“No,” Costia shakes her head.

“Go back to bed then. I’ll bring you breakfast,” Lexa replies standing up and leaning to kiss her girlfriend’s lips.

Costia leans away denying Lexa’s kiss, “Bring me breakfast to bed and you can have your way with me again.” She winks suggestively at her girlfriend and leaves the office swaying provocatively her hips.

Lexa smiles and goes to the kitchen where she grabs Costia’s favorite cereals and pours some in a porcelain bowl too expensive to contain such sort of food, if you call it so. Lexa never understood Costia’s thing for cereals especially because she was a well-known and a good damn chef with her own restaurant. However, this is what she loves about Costia, the fact that she is unpredictable and spontaneous nothing she is.

She walks back to her bedroom where she finds her girlfriend in her side of the bed waiting for her. “Here is your breakfast, tease.” Lexa hands her the plate and sits next to her.

“Thank you,” Costia replies playfully.

Lexa leans in the bed her head propped by her left hand while her right hand draws invisible patterns on Costia’s naked legs. Costia moans at the taste of the first spoon in her mouth making Lexa smile.

“I thought I was the only one who makes you moan,” Lexa says.

“Sorry, but cereals have been making me moan for…emmm,” Costia says with her mouth full“…ages,” She shrugs.

“When I cause your moans, they are louder anyway,” Lexa smirks confidently.

“I’d like to test that theory.”

“It is not a theory, Cos. It’s a fact”.

Costia raises her eyebrow and puts the plate aside on the nightstand. “Really? Prove it,” She crawls on the bed straddling Lexa without letting their centers touch. Lexa feels on edge, she has always been responsive to Costia’s charms. Her hips back up to feel her girlfriend’s center against her pelvis but Costia keeps her hips from moving. “No, you can’t always be in control.”

Lexa smiles her cheeks flush, “I thought you wanted me to prove it?”

“Maybe later,” Costia answers. She smiles biting hard on her lower lip watching Costia taking off her white t-shirt which was not doing much to cover her perked nipples.

“You like what you see,” Costia states more than asks and Lexa nods vigorously.

“Good! Enjoy the show,” She smirks standing up and pushing her already ruined panties deliberately slow while enjoying the way Lexa’s eyes stare hungrily at her body. She could see the not so discreet tent forming against her girlfriend’s silky shorts.

She teases Lexa for few minutes before she finally lowers herself against her girlfriend’s erection. Lexa lets out a loud moan at the feeling of warm wet lips of her girlfriend’s pussy against her barely covered penis and Costia lets out a chuckle while keeping a torturously gentle pace. Lexa’s cheeks are crimson red by now, she is trying hard not to flip them over and take care of things her way because she wants to let Costia have it just this morning, just today as she has been the most patient girlfriend Lexa ever had.

It was the first time she let her sleep over, Lexa was usually the one to sleep at her place never letting Costia into her life completely and after yesterday’s events and their heart to heart conversation Lexa decided that she needed to make some efforts to let Costia in, afraid she would lose her.

“Costia, please,” Lexa begs trying to reach for her breasts that were taunting her but the redhead slapped her hands away, “Patience.” Lexa lets out a strangled whine at the taste of her own medicine.

Costia took her time and seized the opportunity that Lexa gave her to take total control in bed, something she always wanted to have but never could. She was happy that Lexa was finally trying to let her walls down and let her in.

After making Lexa cum more than once she finally lays on top of her exhausted yet happy. “I love you,” Costia dares to whisper the words knowing that Lexa won’t reciprocate them and knowing that this is her chance.

Lexa looks down at her and leans in for a passionate yet sweet kiss instead of replying with words. Costia smiles against her lips feeling content enough at her response, it is better than the first time she told her. Lexa completely froze and avoided her for a week pretending to be busy.

“I want you to meet Finn,” Lexa says while caressing Costia’s hair.

Costia’s heart flutters, “Really?” She looks happily at Lexa who nods. “He invited me for dinner to meet his fiancé. I think it is fair that he meets my girlfriend as well.”

“When?” Costia simply asks pushing her hair to the side.

“In two days,” Lexa replies loving the way Costia’s hair looks.

“That’s a short notice,” Costia remarks.

“It’s fine if you can’t make it we can always invite him over when you can,” Lexa replies ruffling her girlfriend’s hair.

“Lexa!” Costia warns her pushing the strands of her hair away from her face. “It’s fine, I can make it but you never told me that Finn is engaged,” She frowns.

“I just learnt that he is,” Lexa smiles, “He is unpredictable.”

“According to what I’ve heard he is a playboy,” Costia says.

“Maybe he found the one who tamed him?”

“We’ll see,” Costia replies, “The Woods are hard to tame.”

“But not impossible to tame. You did that to me,” Lexa smiles at her girlfriend.

“I don’t have a ring on my finger, whoever that woman is I wanna meet her. She might have some tips for me,” Costia replies with a chuckle making Lexa uncomfortable. She could see the way Lexa’s old mask was about to take over so she quickly adds, “What should I wear?”

“Whatever you want,” Lexa smiles at her again.

“A dress or something comfy?” Costia asks knowing that Lexa loves her in dresses.

Lexa laughs, “Talking about dresses, my brother asked me to wear one.”

“You never wear dresses!”

“That’s the point, he knows I never do but when we were younger I always made him wear a dress whenever he lost a bet and the only time I lost a bet he made me wear a dress and he took tones of pictures of me,” Lexa smiles at the souvenir and Costia’s heart was about to explode, Lexa was willingly sharing something of her past life with her. “So when I asked him to delete the pictures he refused saying that he would never see me wearing a dress again so the least he can do is immortalize it and I begged him to delete them but he kept refusing so when he printed them I told him I would wear a dress at his wedding thinking that he will never settle” Lexa shakes lightly her head with a smile on her face.

“In his letter he said that he wants me to meet the woman who is going to be the reason I’ll look like the teenager me in the picture enclosed and he sent me one of the pictures. I thought he deleted them,” Lexa chuckles reminiscing the old days.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” Costia says softly and Lexa feels guilty.

“I won’t grant him his wish as easily, I might wear the dress to keep my word but not until the wedding day or at least the night before,” Lexa explains. “I’ll wear a suit for the dinner and I’d like my tie to match the color of your dress.”

“How sweet,” Costia remarks then asks with a raised eyebrow, “So we’re getting ready together?”

Lexa simply hums in approval before kissing her. “I need to go Anya and Raven are waiting for me, I’m already late.”

“I thought you're going to prove me something?” Costia reminds her girlfriend.

“Tonight, I’ll have plenty of time to do it,” Lexa replies.

“Your place or mine?” Costia warily asks.

Lexa looks back at her for a few seconds silently then shrugs, “Doesn’t matter.”

“My place then,” Costia replies not wanting to push her luck further Lexa already have made progress for the day.

* * *

"You should wear a suit, Finn," Clarke chuckles at the sight of her fiancé's attire.

"No, Alex is gonna love it," Finn looks down at his shorts and Sponge Bob T-shirt.

"She's gonna hate it, Finn," Clarke laughs then adds hoping to reason her man, "I don't have a stick in my ass yet I hate it."

"Nope," He insists shaking his head.

"God, you're so childish."

"That's what Alex loves the most about me," Finn explains.

"I highly doubt that," She replies even if she doesn’t know much about Finn's sister she knows that she is nothing like him she is a CEO and CEO's tend to have sticks in their asses.

"Relax, it is fine. She's gonna love you," Finn says to his fiancé before leaning in and kissing her cleavage.

"Finn, we need to get ready before she comes," She reminds him.

"Not funny, how am I supposed to handle this," He points out at her cleavage which was beautifully exposed in her dress. "And not get some?" He pouts.

"You'll get everything after she leaves," She reassures him.

"After they leave," He corrects her.

"They?"

"Yeah, Alex and her girlfriend."

"You didn't tell me she has a girlfriend!" Clarke says, "…that she's gay."

"She's the gayest person you'll ever meet," Finn confirms.

"Ok. Anything else I should expect or know before I make a fool of myself in front of Alex and her girlfriend?" Clarke asks nervously.

"Nothing I can think of," Finn shrugs. "Stop worrying Princess, Alex is a sweet heart under her commander face."

"I hope you're right," Clarke murmurs feeling unprecedentedly and curiously nervous.

"No one knows Alex better than I do, Clarke. Don't worry she loves you already she wants to pay for the wedding," He says casually as if it was something normal.

"She what?" She asks in disbelief.

"She wants to pay her brother a wedding."

"Are you serious, Finn?" Clarke asks angrily and Finn simply nods. "What did you say?" She knows already that she is not going to love the answer.

"I said Ok," He smiles at her and Clarke feels like she wants to kill him. 

"Finn!" Clarke lets out angrily, "I'm not going to let your sister pay for our special day. We're not a charity case."

"Clarke, it's not like that. Alex and I are really close and she somehow feels guilty at what her father, my uncle, did and I can't blame her. She wants to give me a wedding party as a gift for my wedding."

"And you're fine with that?" She asks with a frown.

"What was I supposed to say?" Finn defends himself.

"God! I can't believe it. I've to meet her now out of obligation," Clarke says, "It's going to be the most embarrassing dinner." 

"It's not going to be embarrassing, we're going to have a good time with Alex and her girlfriend then I'll have a good time with the twins," He looks again at her breasts.

"You're not getting any until the dinner goes well," Clarke warns him. "I need to look more serious if I wanna convince your sister that we don't need her money," Clarke says taking off the blue dress she was wearing choosing a black one instead.

"You really have no idea who Alex is, you think that you can convince her?" He laughs and Clarke feels even more nervous. "I'm putty in your hands comparing to how stubborn she is," He warns her.

"We're going to see that," Clarke replies looking at herself in the black dress.

Half an hour later, Clarke hears the doorbell rings once. She looks at Finn nervously and he nods going to open the door for Alex and her girlfriend. She unties the apron and takes it off smoothing nervously the invisible wrinkles that might has formed on her black dress with her hands.

She walks to the living-room where she can see a beautiful redhead standing elegantly waiting for her turn to greet Finn, a beautiful red and white smile worth of movie stars plastered on her face her eyes staring at the siblings. Obviously, it is Alex’s girlfriend Clarke thinks to herself and she is quite an elegant and sexy woman. Clarke can’t see properly Alex’s face as Finn is completely blocking the view along with the bouquet of flowers she has in her hands.

Clarke takes few steps into the living-room waiting for her fiancé and their guests to join her. Her heart tugs with excitement and she frowns feeling weird, why would she feel excited about meeting her fiancé’s family.

Apparently, Alex likes his outfit indeed as the second he opened the door she could hear her laughter erupt and his words follow, “I knew you would love it” Her lips twitch unconsciously at the way she hears Finn greeting his little sister, she never had a brother nor a sister and she always envied her best friend Octavia for her relationship with her brother Bellamy.

Finn excuses himself and greets Costia, Clarke looks around the living-room and walks nervously to the couch and taps the cushions again when she finishes she straighten herself and turns back to greet properly her guests with a smile on her face which disappears the second the bouquet of flowers uncover Finn’s sister. The piercing green eyes have a paralyzing effect on her, her lips part as her jaw drops.

The green eyes widen and a wave of panic suddenly envelops them, Clarke covers her mouth to not let a gasp escape her lips and the green eyes stare directly at her wrist. She is wearing her favorite bracelet and she can see now Alex’s green eyes soften for a fraction of a second with some recognition then they stare again into her eyes but with a cold and well collected unfazed look.

Clarke grits her teeth at the way destiny seems to always play tricks on her. Lexa forces a smile, a political one she is so used to use being the respectful CEO she is despite feeling dizzy, she is suddenly grateful for her father’s teachings and for the way Finn is practically holding her.

Lexa looks at the familiar face, the same mesmerizing blue eyes, the same nose she adores and the same mole hovering the sweet pink lips. Her eyes rank from top to bottom the bride to be. The woman is slightly different then she remembers her, her curves are more prominent and pronounced. She looks deliciously well and full in the right places. Her shape is slightly different maybe more woman like than Lexa last saw her at the age of sixteen. Her eyes linger unnecessarily longer into blue eyes throwing her back in time.

**_About twenty years ago,_ **

**_Spring 1996, France;_ **

****

_Eight years old Lexa gets out of the car, her father’s driver was trying so hard to make her smile but failed to. She was barely able to understand his English and her heart was aching, she was feeling nervous and her green eyes were shining with unshed tears she was stubbornly keeping in. She wanted her father to be with her for her first days in a new school in a new country but Gustus sent her saying that she was not a baby anymore ‘Alexandria, you are eight now you are not a baby” In a tone as if his words made sense._

_Lexa walks to the school’s big doors whispering the words in French she has been reciting for two days now to be ready when she hears a laugh which contrast everything she feels but yet it gets her attention._

_It comes from a girl with crazy blonde hair, bright blue eyes even bluer than the sky Lexa can’t help thinking that the little girl looks like an angel or a…“Bye PRINCESS” Right; she looks like a princess Lexa’s lips twitch at the way the little girl which looks barely old enough to go to school wearing a ridiculous light pink dress with green tights waves energetically her chubby little hands at the man who had a darker shade of her blue eyes. Her father._

_Lexa’s heart tugs painfully against her chest out of jealousy and her eyes betray her letting free few tears she quickly wipes and walks into the school._

_At recess, Lexa sits in the corner of the courtyard with a notebook and a pen when she feels someone standing in her way blocking the sunlight from her. She lifts her eyes up and meets the blue eyed girl who looked like a crazy princess now with the way her face was stained with different colors._

_Lexa frowns almost comically at the girl waiting for her to say something and finally she sees the blonde react flushing a toothless smile at her which makes it hard for Lexa to keep her unfazed face. Her lips twitch in a curve, smiling at the sweet little girl who was offering her a bar of candy or something which is unfamiliar to her._

_“Carambar?” The crazy princess says and Lexa politely takes it whispering a shy, “Merci.” (Thank you.)_

_She sits next to Lexa uninvited and Lexa throws a look at the other children of her age playing in the courtyard while she is sitting in a corner and now with a crazy princess at her side._

_Lexa waits for the little girl to say anything but she doesn’t instead she takes out of her little pink lunch box something Lexa recognizes as a stethoscope in a terrible condition just as his owner which doesn’t surprise her as it is decorated with glitters but is visibly a real one. The little blondie places it on her ears and puts the end of it against Lexa’s chest. Lexa chuckles timidly the little girl’s hands were barely able to hold it and it was bigger than her ears she had to help her keeping it from moving._

_Lexa is amused by the way the little girl’s face is displaying so easily different emotions, she could read and notice them as if she was looking at a Disney movie character, her baby blonde eyebrows frowning in concern then her eyes widen at what seems like understanding as she nods then shows her toothy smile again to Lexa._

_After few seconds, Lexa decides to speak, "Je m'appelle Lexa." She frowns her eyebrows questioningly wanting to be correct, not knowing if she sounded correct and perfect as she did not have practice with her father as he promised her._

_The little blonde lets out a giggle "Moi c'est Clarke," Lexa blushes and Clarke feels bad for laughing at Lexa's French, "You can speak English we all speak English, it is a school for foreigners." She shrugs and suddenly Lexa feels stupid at misjudging the little girl’s intelligence._

_Lexa nods, "Je sais mais je préfère exercer mon Français."_ _(I know but I prefer to practice my French.)_

_"Sans problème," (No problem,) Clarke smiles at Lexa who is looking at her necklace._

_"Elle te plait?" (you like it?) Clarke asks Lexa taking the pendent of her necklace between her tiny fingers._

_Lexa shrugs, "Oui". (Yes.)_

_"A moi aussi," Clarke says."Je vais être un médecin quand je serais grande."_ _(I'll be a doctor when I grow up,) She says confidently._

_"Tu t'en sors bien sufisament," (You are doing good enough,) Lexa says with a smile._

_"Tu t'en sors déjà bien," (You already are good,) Clarke corrects her then adds, "Merci." (Thank you.)_

_"De rien," (You’re welcome,) Lexa replies proudly but apparently she doesn't sound as Frenchie as she wants because the little girl is trying hard not to laugh, "De. Comme on prononce le chiffre 2 , deux." (De as we pronounce the number 2 in French.)_

_Lexa smiles at Clarke except for the disheveling and crazy look, the little girl is nice to her comparing to the kids she has in her class who didn’t even acknowledge her presence except for the weird looks they gave her the first hour. The little girl sat with her for the whole recess time exchanging few words in French to help her practice._

_The crazy princess promised to meet her the very next day to help her with the pronunciation and Lexa feels a little better about her day and new school especially when the little princess keeps her word and helps her every single day during recess time. That’s how the not so sane princess, future doctor became Lexa’s best friend and the reason Lexa’s days became easier in that country where she was alone._

**Present time,**

**Year 2017, at Finn and Clarke’s place;**

Both Lexa and Clarke are brought back from their thoughts by Finn’s enthusiastic voice, “Alex, Costia meet my princess Clarke. Clarke babe, meet the commander Alex and her beautiful girlfriend Costia.”

Lexa’s heart tugs at the way her brother introduces Clarke the princess was what Lexa thought of her the first time she saw her and the way her father calls her. She remembers sometime around the first months of their acquaintance Lexa confessed to her best friend that she refers to her as a crazy princess and Clarke was ok with it.

Lexa looks deep into blue eyes, the eyes that haunted her dreams for so long, the eyes that were even bluer than the sky and sees something in them different something she never saw despite knowing so much about them and having had the opportunity to witness many emotions draping them.

She is the first one to react seeing that Clarke’s lips mouthed silently her name and being afraid that she might say something that she might not want to hear or that might mess with her life knowing how spontaneous Clarke is.

She presents her hand stiffly in a political mode, she cannot help her body’s reaction to the situation. It got used to shut down and use the political mode whenever she felt threatened by anything among them the fear to lose control of the situation.

“Nice to meet you, Clarke. I thought I’d never live long enough to see it,” Lexa says her voice full of innuendo that only Clarke was able to hear. After a calculated amount of time she adds, “To see the woman who tamed my brother.”

Clarke forces a fake smile and takes Lexa’s hand trying hard to hide the way her whole body was shaking. At Lexa’s infuriating tone and words, Clarke wants to slap her, to scream at her but she wasn’t going to do that. The only thing she was proud of was the fact that she learnt how to have a semblance of control over her emotions at least over her anger.

Lexa’s heart beat hitches at the feeling of Clarke’s palm against her own once again and after so many years, she gulps the lump she feels in her throat and feels suddenly envious at the way Clarke seems unfazed by the touch. In fact, Clarke was too overwhelmed by her emotions, initial shock and her focus on not losing her shit that she didn’t notice that she was really shaking Lexa’s hand for real.

Finn laughs at Lexa’s words while Clarke is still shaking her hand not knowing what to say when she hears Finn interrupting, “This is the princess who got me tamed”. She flashes a smile at her fiancé and looks at Lexa again. “And you are the one who failed to keep him from leaving and sent him to me,” Carke says with a smirk finally feeling bold enough and replying with as much innuendo.

Her smile grows mischievous when she notices that her answer takes Lexa aback. Her forest green eyes widen slightly it is barely noticeable for anyone who doesn’t know her but it is there and Clarke caught it. Lexa might be hiding behind her mask however Clarke is able to see right through her except for the part of Lexa’s will to act as if they didn’t know each other. She decides to play along with it and see how far Lexa was planning to take it.

“I can’t keep him with a leash and force him to stay!” Lexa fires back.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Costia,” Costia interjected noticing Lexa’s behavior.

Clarke smiles softly and more honestly at Costia and shakes her hand, “Welcome, Costia.”

“Well, I gotta admit it Alex you got yourself a beauty,” Finn compliments Costia.

“She is,” Lexa smiles at Costia who was looking stunning in a red dress and tugs lightly at her tie. Clarke’s eyes focus on the tie and she lets out a chuckle thinking how stupid Lexa looks with a red tie matching her girlfriend’s dress.

“Thank you,” Costia blushes. “I can say the same about your fiancée,” She looks at Clarke and adds, “And by the way I love your dress.” Costia replies instead of Lexa while Finn’s words were for his sister, all Lexa managed to mouth is a silent thank you.

“And I like yours,” Clarke replies awkwardly.

Finn wraps his arm around Lexa’s shoulders and walks her to the couch where he pushes her with him. Clarke and Costia follow them and sit with them looking silently at the siblings.

“So, tell me everything,” Finn asks joyfully.

“Well, not much to say. The business is growing steadily, I still live at Gustus’s place but I made some changes and I finally got rid of his chessboard,” Lexa chuckles when she sees Finn’s grimace.

“Traitor!” Finn says then adds to remind her, “You promised me to keep it and that we would burn it together”.

“I know, I am sorry but I kept something for you instead,” Lexa grins.

“What is it?” Finn asks curiously.

“It’s a surprise,” Lexa simply replies throwing a glance at Clarke, “What about you?” She asks genuinely.

“Me? I’m just going to condemn myself to one woman for the rest of my life, nothing much,” He shrugs playfully.

“You put a ring on it, what did you think was going to happen?”

“Yeah, I got tired to put a dress on it,” He winks at Lexa who looks at Clarke to see if she got the meaning of her stupid brother. Costia giggles taking Lexa’s attention. “I can’t wait to see Lexa in a dress,” She says and Lexa smiles feeling better about the fact that none of them got what Finn’s meaning was.

“You told her?” Finn is surprised and Clarke shifts uncomfortably in her chair at being the only one who has no idea what the hell they are talking about.

“Of course, she is my girlfriend,” Lexa warily replies looking at Clarke.

“Well, I guess she is a keeper if she got that far,” Finn comments looking at Costia. “How long have you been together?”

“Almost two years now,” Costia replies taking Lexa’s hand in hers. “What about you and Clarke?” She asks back.

“A year,” Clarke replies finally.

“Oh!” Costia is surprised by the answer.

“I know,” Finn says. “Life out there is different you know...You don’t have the luxury to take things slow,” He explains.

“Right,” Costia nods then Clarke interjects, “Finn is a gentleman and he knows what he wants.”

Costia smiles nervously feeling like the answer was a direct insult to her, she has been dating Lexa for two years now and have known her longer yet she still is a girlfriend who slept over at her place once and only once.

Lexa doesn’t miss the direct innuendo for her and notices the way Costia is smiling nervously she squeezes her hand and Costia looks at her with eyes full of pain and uncertainty that only Lexa was aware of, her heart aches at the sight so she decides to lean in and kiss her girlfriend’s pain away.

Finn is surprised as much as Clarke is annoyed by the unnecessary display of affection Lexa is showing to Costia. “Well she must be special,” Finn remarks.

“She is,” Lexa says as her lips leave Costia’s.

“Don’t blame me for being surprised, you never had friends let along a girlfriend who is not one of my exes or my friend too,” Finn defends himself then looks at Costia. “Alex has always been a shy kid, she has zero social skills so she only hang out with my girlfriend’s and friends,” He explains and Clarke looks at Lexa knowingly.

“I can assure you that she has wonderful social skills now, we’ve been friends before getting together," Costia replies feeling slightly better than earlier especially with Lexa’s tender reassuring kiss.

Clarke feels something deep inside her, something so much fierce and negative approaching what feels like anger mixed with jealousy. What does Costia has she didn’t have to keep her friendship with Lexa? Wasn’t she worth enough of her?

She braces herself to not let it show in her face but of course she knows Lexa could see it as she feels her eyes studying her.

“Let’s move it to the kitchen,” Clarke gestures.

“Right, dinner,” Finn says. “Clarke helped me just so you know I’m the one who cooks.”

Costia smiles at him then looks at Clarke. “You’re lucky Clarke, Lexa never cooks.”

“Why would I cook? You’re a chef,” Lexa defends herself.

“Oh, Really?” Clarke looks at Costia questioningly who nods shyly.

“Then my sister has a point,” Finn defends her and it only irritates Clarke further.

Clarke feels exasperated at the way both Costia and Lexa’s eyes inspect their surroundings. Even if she is not a great cook, she took great pleasure in decorating the kitchen and Finn gave her free reign loving her artistic touch.

“You have a sweet kitchen,” Costia finally comments and Clarke could feel Lexa’s eyes checking her waiting for her reaction.

“Thanks, I decorated it myself,” Clarke replies.

“It is obvious,” Lexa blurts out and Clarke frowns, “What does it mean?” Lexa bites her tongue scolding herself internally for letting her thought out loud.

She forces a smile on her lips and tries to smooth her previous comment, “Finn maybe good at cooking but he sucks at decorating or painting.” She points at the walls.

“That much is true, Clarke is the artist,” Finn adds and Costia looks at the blond, “Ah, you’re an artist? I thought...” She points out at Clarke’s wrist, “You’re a doctor.”

Clarke smiles nervously “Touché! I’m a doctor.” She fidgets nervously with her pendant and Lexa feels like she is fidgeting at her own heart. Their eyes meet and it seems like both thinks about the same thing, the same moment and the same word.

**_Spring 1996,_ **

**_Few months after their first meeting, the courtyard;_ **

****

_Lexa walks out of her class heading towards her usual spot in the courtyard where she knows she will find the little crazy princess Clarke with a not so much toothy smile anymore as her teeth are growing, waiting for her ready for their usual French practice._

_Instead of that cheeky smile she is used to see, she finds Clarke’s blue eyes reddish and a frown on her face, clearly she was crying. She sits next to her silently and takes off her pocket a beige handkerchief neatly folded with red embroidered letters A.W_ _and wipes lightly Clarke’s cheeks then gives her the handkerchief._

_Clarke whispers a thank you “Merci,” and looks at the ugly handkerchief her friend just handed her._

_“C’est à ton pére?” (Is it your father’s?) She finally speaks tracing the initials with her tiny chubby fingers.  
_

_Lexa smiles and shakes her head “Non, c’est mes initiales aussi,” (No, they are my initials too,) She explains, “Alexandra Woods”_ _._

_“C’est moche!” (It is ugly!) Clarke blurts out making Lexa giggle._

_“C’est pourquoi je préfère Lexa,” (This is why I prefer Lexa,) Lexa explains._

_“Je parle du mouchoir, tu as un jolie prénom,” (I’m talking about the handkerchief, you have a nice first name,) Clarke says._

_“Pourquoi tu pleur?” (Why are you crying?) Lexa asks._

_Clarke shrugs then shoves her hand in her pocket and shows her the broken pendant of her necklace."On me la cassé.” (They broke it.)  
_

_“Qui a fait ça?” (Who did this?) Lexa angrily asks her._

_Clarke lifts her gaze and looks into Lexa’s green eyes then looks at two boys who were playing._ _“C’est eux?” (It’s them?) Lexa asks and Clarke nods._

_Lexa stands up and gives her lunch box to Clarke and walks confidently to the two boys and without warning she slaps both of them at the same time leaving them shocked for few seconds before one of them shoved her and he was ready to punch her face but Lexa was quicker, older and taller which visibly helped a lot._

_Clarke left everything and run to them screaming Lexa’s name asking her to stop._

_“C’est pour avoir cassé le pendentif de Clarke,” (This is for breaking Clarke’s pendent,) She says throwing them a threatening look._

_“Merci mais je sais me défendre," (Thanks but I can defend myself,) Clarke says looking seriously at Lexa._

_“Je sais mais personne ne touche à ma meilleure amie,” (I know but no one touches my best friend,) She wraps her arms protectively around Clarke’s shoulders._

_“C’est vrai?” (It’s true?) Clarke asks looking up at Lexa who is much taller than her, “Je suis ta meilleure amie?” (I’m your best friend?)_

_Lexa nods with a smile and they walk back to their spot, “Dans ce cas je vais redécorer ton mouchoir pour te remercier.” (Then I’ll redecorate your handkerchief to thank you.)_

_“Je peux donner ton pendentif à mon chauffeur pour qu’il te le répare si tu veux,"_ _(I can give your pendent to my driver to fix it if you want,) Lexa suggests and Clarke shakes her head._

_“Papa le fera,” (Dad will do it,) She smiles at her._

_“Tu aime vriament les stethoscopes à ce que je voix,” (I see, you really love stethoscopes,) Lexa looks with a smile at Clarke’s newly decorated lunch box, the drawings were sloppy and not perfect but it clearly looked like stethoscopes._

_“Oui”, (Yes,) Clarke blushes, “Steth-stoth-“ She stutters then tries harder, “stetecopes.” She smiles at Lexa embarrassingly._

_“Ste-tho-scopes.” Lexa says slowly and Clarke repeats after her, “Ste-thoscopes She smiles when Lexa nudges her with her shoulder._

_“How are you gonna be a good doctor when you stutter at the word Stethocope!” Lexa looks at her friend. Clarke pokes her tongue out and they burst in laughter._

**Present time,**

**2017 at Clarke and Finn’s place;**

Clarke helps Finn serving dinner while listening to him talking about receipts with Costia and from time to time looking at Lexa who was focused on their conversation. She was intrigued by what Lexa was thinking, why would she act like she didn’t know her? How come Finn never used Lexa’s full name and instead he called her Alex. She will ask him tonight for sure.

She was feeling stupid at not asking more about Finn’s sister or adoptive sister that much she knows that they can’t possibly be real brother and sister for starters their family names are not the same and they didn’t look alike not the slightest.

“Well I’d love to taste your cooking sometime, you better put a ring on her finger Alex,” Finn looks at his sister. Clarke’s eyes shoot to Lexa who stiffen and smiles at her brother nervously.

A smile breaks on Costia’s face, Clarke watches the redhead taking Lexa’s hand and rubbing soothing circles at the back of her hand, “I love your sister Finn she doesn’t need a ring to keep me close and we’re young.”

Lexa is grateful at Costia’s understanding and ability to not let such words affect her or their relationship, she looks at her adoringly and smiles.

“How old are you?” Finn asks stupidly.

“Never ask a woman her age, Finn,” Clarke interjects and Costia giggles “It is ok, I’m thirty a year older than your little sister,” Costia winks at Finn and suddenly Clarke feels like slapping the woman.

“Oh, wow! You look much younger, younger than Clarke,” Finn replies. And she wants to slap her fiancé too.

Clarke feels all eyes on her now. “I’m 27,” She answers Costia’s unasked question.

“You look younger too,” Costia tries to make Clarke less irritated and Clarke smiles back at her and nods appreciating Costia’s efforts to be nice.

“What’s your secret?” Finn asks playfully.

“Healthy food and exercise,” Costia goes there and winks again at Finn.

“Oh! I hope you’re putting the dress on it, Alex,” Finn looks at Lexa who blushes. Both Costia and Clarke look confused “Finn, please,” Lexa warns her brother.

“Come on’ Alex don’t be such a prude, we’re all adults,” He says then Clarke and Costia’s eyes both widen catching up on the meaning.

“It is just stupid just say protection,” Lexa replies angrily clearly embarrassed.

Costia felt sorry for Lexa because she knows that her girlfriend is not really comfortable talking about her sexual life and neither her extra appendage she was born with knowing too well how she struggled with and now her brother is talking about it in front of a third person, a stranger to Lexa or so she believes.

She quickly changes the topic, “You guys should come to my place or Lexa’s and I’ll be glad to make you dinner or lunch,” She shrugs her shoulders, “Just let us know.”

“I wouldn’t miss that,” Finn replies and Clarke adds, “Thank you, Costia.”

Lexa is staring at Clarke and trying to figure out what she is thinking especially after the mention of protection clearly reminding her that Lexa has an extra, something which disgusts Clarke or so Lexa thinks.

Clarke feels Lexa’s eyes staring at her so she looks back into green and there she sees something familiar, pain and her eyes soften but then she looks away reminding herself that this Lexa is not the Lexa she once knew not even the Lexa who was her best friend.

The dinner goes well or at least civil, Lexa was impressed by Clarke’s ability to not latch out at her and let out innuendos through each word she spoke like she did first. It almost hurt her that Clarke acted so normal and not angry as much as she was feeling deep inside her, she also didn’t like the fact that Clarke didn’t look at her as much as she was looking at Clarke.

She notices that Clarke did change, she kept glancing at her from time to time drinking at the sight of her, at every trait and every detail. It was both familiar and yet new to Lexa, the way her lips move when she talks is more collected than Lexa remembers but at the same time Clarke smile is the same, her tongue slightly peeks between her teeth. She didn’t smile each time like that, only when she smiled genuinely and it was the same exact smile Lexa fell in love with.

Clarke in the other hand wanted to stare at Lexa but she could not, afraid to lose her shit if she looks at the green eyes that broke her heart a few years ago as she was feeling the piercing forest green eyes looking at her intently. She had to get her shit together and not let Lexa’s presence affect her and show how much she was feeling inside.

She was angry, hurt and many questions were toying with her emotions but she wanted to be civil and let Lexa know that she is not that little girl anymore, the crazy princess who was barely able to defend herself and always needed her protection, not the love sick puppy she used ten years ago before leaving.

Lexa subconsciously lets out a loud gasp feeling a pain in her heart, she was feeling overwhelmed and out of place. Clarke was there within arm’s reach yet untouchable. She was there, very much alive in front of her but impossible to reach, unfazed and completely ignoring her.

“Babe!” Costia looks worriedly at her and when she realizes that everyone was looking at her she blinks few times.

“I’m fine,” She replies taking a sip from her wine without looking at both women then she looks at Finn, “Bathroom?”

“Of course,” Finn replies feeling like something was wrong with his sister he smiles at her apologetically and shows her where the bathroom is and before she can get in he looks at her, “Are you ok?” His eyes shows a genuine concern Lexa simply nods and smiles reassuringly.

“Is she ok?” Clarke can’t help herself asking Finn.

“Yeah.” Finn replies.

Lexa gets in the bathroom and feels even more suffocated at the sight in front of her, even the bathroom was catchy, visibly decorated by Clarke too. Full of girly products and girly colors, it is everything Lexa imagined Clarke’s place would look like. Colorful, cozy, warm and bubbly. Everything she will never have.

Her eyes fall on a tiny bottle of fragrance she takes it and sprays on her wrist, her eyes close and she inhales. Clarke. It smells like Clarke almost like she remembers minus the sugary and too fruity scent. She studies the bottle but cannot find the name on it. Of course, Clarke likes customized fragrances how else she would be able to keep the same delicious and so ‘Clarke’ perfume. She puts it back annoyed and washes her hands then stares a moment at her reflection in the mirror.

She loosens her tie a little bit and takes a deep breath before she goes back to the kitchen. After sitting back in her chair she leans closer to her brother and says something in his ear to which he replies, “Of course,” and smiles at both Clarke and Costia.

Clarke tried to meet Lexa’s eyes but the brunette looks everywhere but at her unlike earlier and it was enough “Lexa!” Clarke calls her firmly earning both Costia's and Finn’s attention and Lexa’s too of course but unlike the others Lexa di not look at her. She was looking at her direction to anyone who was there, Lexa was indeed meeting her eyes but it was not the case. Lexa was looking over Clarke’s shoulders.

“Yeah?” Lexa replies unfazed but internally she was wishing that none of them noticed that she said Lexa and not Alex whereas since they stepped in, no one used Lexa not even Costia.

Clarke feels a tug in her heart a pain she never experienced before nothing dramatic of course she had experienced much greater pain at the loss of her father but still it was not familiar to her and she wanted to stop pretending, she was feeling on the edge and was feeling something she cannot express. Clarke feels suddenly stupid at breaking her resolve and control, what can she possibly say now that she has almost her attention. It takes her a few seconds, enough for everyone to notice that she was trying to find her words, “Do you need another drink?”

“No, thanks,” Lexa simply replies then looks back at her brother, “So what do you think?”

Clarke feels irritated and Costia does not miss the tension between them. Lexa is maybe a cold person but never such cold and bitchy with her friends or even friends of her friends and this was the woman who is going to be her brother’s wife and Clarke seems fine to Costia even more than fine she was clearly a nice person and it confuses her why her girlfriend was acting like that.

“Actually, Alex as much as I want you to spoil us with a wedding worth of movie stars, Clarke is not really into big weddings,” Finn replies looking at his future wife.

Lexa raises her eyebrow and looks at her brother instead of Clarke “It's really rude to refuse a gift from your sister and the only member of your family, Finn,” Lexa says in a cold tone clearly she was hurt.

“It is not like that, Alex. Clarke and I want to have something small and simple which is more like us,” He tries to explain but to no avail Lexa was already hurt and angry according to the way her jaw tensed.

“Since when you like simple?” Lexa asks him her voice reaching another level of harshness.

“Alex, that money can be put for a better use and we can handle ourselves just fine,” Clarke replies defensively in a breath and Lexa throws at her a death glare feeling offended.

“Are you insinuating that I don’t know how to use my wealth Clarke?” Lexa looks at her defiantly.

“Oh no, I know you are a well successful CEO it is that much obvious but I think it is better if our wedding is more like us,” Clarke explains.

“Babe, I think what Clarke wants to say is that she wants a wedding that reflects her and Finn,” Costia tries to ease the tension between them.

“Don’t worry Clarke I won’t be dress shopping with you or anything and you know that Finn,” Lexa looks at her brother, “I told you just choose whatever you like, I want you to have a memorable day and the best of what you may choose without worrying about the money,” Lexa explains feeling hurt at the rejection and the way they thought she wants to control them or their choice just as her father used to do.

“I know babysis and I really appreciate it but it's too much really and Clarke doesn’t feel comfortable at the idea, that’s all,” He looks deep into Lexa’s eyes who nods after a moment. Feeling exhausted and emotionally worn out she puts her hand on Costia’s thigh and squeezes it.“Let’s go,” She says softly so that only Costia can hear.

“Thank you for the dinner you got better at cooking,” Lexa smiles at her brother trying to sound nicer than earlier.

“You’re not leaving yet, are you? Stay for dessert and it's actually Clarke who made it,” Finn says.

“Maybe next time, Finn,” Lexa excuses herself and stands up.

Costia smiles apologetically at Clarke. “It's nice meeting you, Clarke. I hope you'll come for dinner sometime,” Costia invites them again.

“Sure, thank you for coming,” Clarke replies politely.

“Finn, I’d like to spend some time with you feel free to come by anytime you want,” Lexa leans in and hugs her brother.

“I will,” Finn promises.

Clarke watches Lexa leave without sparing her a second glance and not even saying goodbye to her, she clearly was mad at her. When the two women left and Finn was back in the kitchen she kept silent, thoughtful and she was too angry to talk, afraid to accidently reveal the truth and feeling puzzled.

Finn preferred to no talk about what happened giving Clarke time to cool down before bring the topic again.

***

As for Costia, she wanted to talk but decided to give Lexa sometime before asking her about her behavior and coldness toward Clarke and Lexa was glad that her girlfriend didn’t. When they arrived at Costia’s place, Lexa parked and unbuckled her seatbelt ready to go with Costia but then her girlfriend stopped her.

“Wait!” Costia puts her hand on Lexa’s who looks at her.“Do you really want to come?”

Lexa frowns then opens her mouth to speak but Costia interrupts her, “I mean you clearly are not in the mood and I’d rather have your full attention when you’re with me,” She smiles softly at her.

Lexa averts her eyes feeling guilty, “I’m sorry that you have to be there.”

“That’s ok,” Costia leans in and kisses her lips chastely. “It's not always easy to let go, I know,” She smiles at Lexa who looks at her confused. “Your brother is going to be fine, Lexa even if you don’t like Clarke he loves her and you have to respect that,” She adds.

Lexa nods feeling relieved about the idea Costia has, thinking all it is about is that Lexa does not like Clarke. It is far more better than knowing the whole truth behind her behavior.

“Thank you for being so..” Lexa smiles, “So you.” She leans in and kisses gratefully her girlfriend then when their lips part she adds, “Have lunch with me tomorrow.”

“I can’t,” Costia laughs. “I’ve been so caught up in you lately I need to get back to my restaurant.”

“Of course,” Lexa nods understandingly. “Call me,” She says and Costia nods before leaving.


	2. Chapter 2

**Year 2017; The next morning,**

**At Lexa’s property;**

Lexa stretches her muscles then her neck and starts her morning routine running. She needs it, she needs it more than usual more than ever. She spent a terrible night and had to take some pills to help her sleep. She doesn’t like taking them but sometimes she needs them when her brain doesn’t shut off.

In fact, she doesn’t only dislike them but she hates them. They remind her of her father, he had almost the same container of pills everywhere with him. Lexa tends to hate everything that reminds her or relates her to him.

She shakes her head trying to push the negative thoughts away, she doesn’t need more negativity and stress, all she need is to stop thinking but of course she fails to. Instead her thoughts are brought back to Clarke and last night’s dinner. She groans and runs faster as if she is trying to run from something.

She runs almost half an hour more than her usual routine before she is back to her mansion and gets in her bathroom. She doesn’t linger in her shower like each morning after her morning exercise because she doesn’t want to be late or let things of the previous day affect her new day.

She cuts short to her shower and dresses up then walks to her office where she can hear a chiming.

_Video call conversation…_

Lexa answers it and stands back up.“Morning, Ladies,” She says while buttoning up her blouse.

“Morning, commander,” Anya replies putting her glasses on and looking at the screen.

“Morning losers,” Raven says at last appearing in the screen half naked.

“Raven!” Lexa warns her friend and looks away.

“Well well, good morning tiny tits,” Anya says and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Tiny?” Raven sounds offended.

“Get dressed, Raven for God’s sake,” Lexa groans.

“What? Don’t be a prude,” Raven replies.“Or are you having a boner?” Lexa could hear the smirk on her friend’s voice.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Rey. I’ve seen much better. Get dressed you’re going to be late and I can’t tolerate more than that,” Lexa warns bossily.

“Geez, relax. Did you not bang with Cos yesterday?” Raven asks shamelessly.

“God!" Anya huffs at Raven’s tendency to always talk about sex.

“I’m not going to discuss my sexual life with you Raven! Get dressed and I want you in my office the minute you get there,” Lexa replies seriously.

“Lexa?” Anya calls her friend worried feeling like Lexa is on the edge.

Lexa hums finally sitting on her chair and looking at the screen properly while she can see Raven leaving out of the sight of the camera. “Don’t talk about sex when I’m not heeeere,” Raven’s voice gets away.

Lexa smiles and shakes her head in disbelief while Anya chuckles. “That woman needs filter.”

“Filters,” Lexa corrects and she hears Raven screaming, “I can hear you guuuuys.”

“What’s up with you?” Anya asks her friend who looks a little off.

Lexa takes a deep breath then begins, “Finn is back.”

“I know, you told us.” Anya frowns feeling like there’s more to it.

“He’s engaged,” Lexa adds.

“Oh! That’s good news,” Anya says and then Raven appears on her screen again running and stopping abruptly behind the screen.

“Did you say Finn is engaged?” Raven shouts.

“God, you’re going to pierce my tampons one of these days,” Anya says taking off one of her earphones’ plug.

“Yes,” Lexa confirms.

“The motherfucker,” Raven lets out and Lexa rolls her eyes again not liking Raven’s dirty mouth. “Is he gay now or what? He’s around men and mostly covered walking things.”

Anya laughs and Raven laughs too at her own words while Lexa barely smiles knowing the truth she shakes her head. “No it is a woman,” She says.

“Oh! When are we gonna see him?” Anya replies while Raven is typing.

“Don’t know. Costia is going to invite them over,” Lexa replies.

“Costia?” Raven is suddenly back into the conversation, “She got to meet Finn,” She lets out surprised.

“Yeah, we had dinner at his place,” Lexa says thinking about how the apartment looked nothing like her brother’s anymore she should have said Clarke’s place.

“So he’s back,” Raven repeats. “I’m gonna kick his ass,” She makes a mental note loudly to herself.

“So you met his fiancé! And you’re fine with that?” Anya asks her best friend feeling puzzled.

Lexa shrugs, “It is his choice, his life.” ‘ _If they knew how I am not fine about it’_

“Lexa!” Anya says in a warning tone. “Don’t you think she’s marrying him for the money? It must be a gold digger,” Anya replies.

“Clarke is not a gold digger, Anya,” Lexa replies too quickly.

“And how do you know that?” Anya asks her defiantly.

“I just know,” Lexa replies.

“Right, because you’re good at recognizing them,” Anya deadpans sarcastically.

“Tiny ass is right, Lexa. We all know that you really suck at recognizing gold diggers,” Raven backs her friend.

“Tiny ass?” Anya lets out offended.

“Shut up, you’re getting out of the topic,” Raven smirks.

“So you check my ass,” Anya says and Lexa sighs. “If you say so, guys! You’ll meet her and I’ll let you be the judge. When Costia invites them over you guys need to come.”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Raven replies raising her eyebrows at the double meaning and Anya lets out, “Perv,” before leaving the conversation.

Lexa shakes her head at how childish her friends are then she says, “Raven, if you’re going to be late again I’m going to reconsider your salary.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Raven replies confidently.

“Don’t push me, Rey,” Lexa says before ending the conversation.

**Year 2017; The next morning,**

**At Finn’s apartment;**

Clarke stirs in the bed carefully trying to free herself from Finn’s arms without waking him up but to no avail. He groans and cuddles her tighter against him and she can feel his morning boner poking at her butt so she stops moving not wanting to tease him further. She is not in the mood for morning sex, she is not in the mood for mornings. In fact, she is not in the mood for anything at all.

She stays in bed for few minutes thinking about yesterday’s events because after Lexa aka Alex and her gorgeous model left she busied herself and tried to not think about ~~them~~ , about her. And dived right into bed with Finn.

Now she can have it, at the reminder of Lexa’s face a smile threatens to break on her face but then a tug in her heart reminds her about things that stole her smile for so long. She huffs trying to not think about Lexa again and decides to wake up and free herself from her fiancé’s hold.

This time she takes his hand and push it firmly and frees herself from him and goes into the bathroom. She looks at the mirror and sees a bruise from the previous night’s activities she stares at it for a moment then gets in the shower.

When she gets out she could tell that Finn is already up and making them breakfast according to the delicious smell of pancakes. She walks to her bedroom and puts her clothes on before heading to the kitchen.

“It smells good,” Clarke’s husky voice makes Finn jolt, he looks at her and smiles. “It’s a thank you breakfast for spoiling me last night,” Finn says.

“I always spoil you yet I never get a thank you, isn’t it because you saw Alex?” Clarke asks while sitting at the table.

“Well and partly because I’m in a good mood about seeing my sister finally happy,” He replies.

“Costia seems a nice woman,” Clarke comments in agreement.

“Yeah, I like her,” Finn says before adding, “She is good to Alex”

“Humm,” Clarke’s only reply is to hum not wanting to talk further about Lexa’s girlfriend.

“Are you going to see Alex today?” She asks.

“No, I’ve some things to do, maybe tomorrow,” Finn shrugs.

“What about Costia’s invitation?” Clarke asks again.

“You don’t want to go?” Finn looks at her knowingly with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know," Clarke says. “I’m not ready to argue with you sister again,” She confesses with a sigh.

Finn looks at his fiancé for a moment then says, “I don’t want you to hate Alex.” He pouts dramatically making Clarke giggle.

He walks behind her and wraps his arms around her shoulders, she throws her head back into him. “I want my sister who is the only family I have along with you to be in the same page, to be best friends,” Finn says innocently not knowing that his last words felt like daggers into her heart. “You are going to be sisters in few months,” He adds before nipping at her neck causing her to giggle.

Clarke lets out an “Ok,” and forces a smile to please her adorable fiancé who showers her face with kisses content about her reply.

After Finn left, Clarke took the opportunity to google Lexa! She never felt the urge to do it, she never felt the need to look into her past but after yesterday’s twisted game that destiny threw at her she needs to do it. All she comes across is a few pictures of her in some charity events and Gala’s. No social media accounts nothing but work related articles and pictures.

She huffed and pushed her laptop away, she was feeling frustrated at having no idea being completely blind to what Lexa is planning. She was afraid. Afraid to be used again.

She takes her phone and calls her best friend Octavia.

“What’s up doc?” Clarke smiles at the familiar voice instantly feeling a little bit better.

“Hi, O. How are you?” Clarke asks genuinely.

“Fine, fine. How is my bestie?” Octavia asks back.

“Good, are you working today?” Clarke asks curiously hearing some noise from the other end of the phone.

“Emm...well no. I’m going to Bellamys’.”

“Ok,” Clarke says disappointed.“I wanted to see you,” She adds.

“Sorry, I need to help Bellamy,” Octavia apologizes. “You..should..come by…”

Octavia’s voice is cut with some beeping, Clarke puts the phone away and looks at it. She has a second phone call, unknown number She frowns. “O, I’ve gotta go. Call you later,” She says before picking up at the second call wishing stupidly that it is Lexa.

Clarke clears her throat before picking up then speaks neutrally, “Yeah? Hello?”

Silence! Clarke looks at the screen to see if it was cut off but it wasn’t, she puts her phone back against her ear and tries again, “Hello!” Nothing again. “Lexa?” She says with a low voice before she can even say anything else she hears the beeping sound announcing that the line is cut off.

‘ _It’s Lexa_ ’ She smiles telling herself. ‘ _Lexa is as much interested in_ _me as I am of her’_ Clarke wonders about how could Lexa have her phone number did she google her just the way she was doing few minutes ago? Maybe.  
  


She stares for few minutes then decides to call her back, she feels her heart beat racing and she feels suddenly ashamed, she is having a soft spot for the person she resents and she can’t, she shouldn’t she is too angry to let it happen. She hits the button to call back but unfortunately she hears the ‘ _The number you’re trying to reach is currently unavailable…_ ’ She frowns and tries again with the same result.

She will have to call Lexa and talk to her from another number or she would call from Finn’s number. Lexa won’t possibly refuse her brother’s call.

**Later that day; At Lexa’s office building;**

**Meeting room,**

Lexa is listening to her managers while her mind is elsewhere, she has been in the meeting room for more than hour now and without any result. They keep talking and talking and she feels like all their ideas are just old and the same. She keeps refusing anything they present her simply shaking her head or with her signature hand gesture.

Anya could feel her friend’s discomfort and indifferent mood so she cuts the meeting short and once they all leave the meeting room, Anya speaks, “What’s going on?”

Lexa seems away she looks at her friend blankly then replies, “Nothing.” She pushes her chair softly with her hands and stands up then she pushes it back to its place before leaving the meeting room.

Anya huffs worrying about her friend, it happened. There were days where Lexa was off and not talkative at all and it mainly was before Costia but it didn’t happen for a while now, almost long enough for Anya to forget about it.

She decides to keep trying to make Lexa talk so she follows her to her office, Lexa eyes look seriously at her then a smile breaks on her face, a smile Anya recognizes to be the one Lexa uses when she wants them to stop worrying at her and she fakes it for their sakes.

“Don’t,” Anya warns her. “Don’t give me that smile, Lexa.” Anya walks further in her office after closing the door then the office shutters giving them some privacy.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asks.

“I’m giving you privacy so you can be weak for…”Anya looks at her watch. “Ten minutes, before I go back to my work.”

Lexa chuckles feigning to be amused. “I’m fine, An! Go back to your work it seems like the only one who knows what you’re doing.”

“Well, thank you,” Anya smirks. “But I’m not leaving until…you tell me what’s going on in that brain of yours, I am afraid I am going to see actual fume getting out of it.”

Lexa decides to stubbornly keep silent and ignore Anya’s persistence and after few minutes Anya has enough of it. “Is it Costia?”

Lexa looks up at Anya and stares for a moment thoughtful then she shrugs. She is not going to tell Anya that Finn is marrying Clarke Griffin, her childhood best friend, her only friend, whole world and the sole source of happiness she used to have. Her childhood best friend and first love that wreck her for years. So instead she is going to focus on her and Costia’s relationship as the main reason for her mood.

“I thought you guys are fine. You even introduced her to Finn,” Anya is confused.

“No, we’re fine. It is just like we are not in the same place in our lives,” Lexa shrugs.

“How is that?” Anya doesn’t understand.

“I don’t know," Lexa says before standing up and starts pacing in her office.“I feel like I am not doing enough,” She explains.“I try, I’m trying but…” Lexa can’t finds her words.“She is perfect, Anya. She is sweet, understanding, beautiful but…” She stops and sighs.“She deserves better,” Lexa finally lets out before looking at Anya to see her reaction.

“Lexa, you’re as good as she is maybe even more you have a golden heart, she deserves you, she loves you,” Anya tries to reassure her friend not knowing that Lexa’s heart stopped when she said ‘ _she loves you_ ’ She knows she loves her. Love is not the problem, or it is because Lexa doesn’t feel the same way Costia does.

“That’s the problem,” Lexa blurts out. “I feel like she loves me more than I do and I feel like she is doing so much for us and…what if I break her heart? What if she ends up leaving me Anya?” Lexa looks worriedly at her friend.

“She won’t leave, Lexa. She loves you,” Anya replies. “Try to talk to her.”

Lexa sighs, she wants to do it she really tried to talk to Costia but she couldn’t. Words never come easy to her, she has never been the type of person who easily opens up. Finn and Anya and lately Raven are the only persons Lexa feels comfortable enough to talk and share with her concern and feelings.

“At Finns’ we were talking about relationships when Finn asked her since when we started dating and she said two years both Finn and his fiancé looked weirdly at her and made a comment that left her…God, Anya you should have seen her eyes and the way she looked at me,” Lexa says feeling her heart ache.

“Well, why don’t you try and take your relationship to the next level?” Anya says warily and Lexa looks thoughtfully at her then nods.

“You introduced her to Finn, that’s something,” Anya says trying to encourage her friend. “Maybe you should ask her to sleep over like at least few days a week,” She suggests.

“I’d like that,” Lexa smiles. “It was nice having her around the morning in my place.”

“See? You can do it,” Anya replies. “She is a keeper, damn I would have asked her out if she wasn’t giving you heart eyes.”

Lexa chuckles shyly. “Thank you, Anya,” She says to her best friend. Clarke was long forgotten and so her nostalgia.

Anya walks to her and pecks her cheek. “You’re welcome,” She says before opening the shutters and leaving.

Lexa sits back in her chair feeling her heart warm at the mention of Costia and their morning at her mansion, she takes her phone and calls her girlfriend.

“Hiii,” Lexa hears Costia’s voice and it brings a smile on her face.

“Hey, babe,” She replies back sweetly. “How is your day going?”

“Busy, yours?” Costia asks back.

“Boring, what are you doing?”

“Well I’m dealing with some paper work and bills, what are you doing?”

“Thinking about you,” Lexa bluntly replies then she hears nothing but silence at the end of the phone for a moment. “Cos?” She asks.

“I’m here, sorry,” Costia replies, she was surprised and happy to hear Lexa’s words. She was smiling to herself before Lexa calls her back to reality.

“Care to share the details of your thought?” Costia says.

“Well I was hoping you will come to my place after work and I would tell you more about it,” Lexa shyly replies.

“That sounds tempting,” Costia says.

“Ok, then I’ll see you tonight?” Lexa asks again to be sure.

“Of course, love,” Costia replies before hanging up.

**_Much later that day at Lexa’s mansion;_ **

**_In her bedroom;_ **

Costia is laying like a starfish on Lexa’s bed with her hair still wet and with only a towel covering her perfect body. Lexa smiles at the sight of the beauty laying in her bed she takes two steps in her bedroom and closes the door finally done with her day.

She starts to unbutton her blouse slowly, then takes it off before neatly hanging it on a suspender and then she unbuttons her pants and slides them off keeping only her bra and boxer brief on. Costia braces her head with her forearm and checks her out, “Is it what you kept thinking about?”

Lexa smiles and shakes her head, “No,” She walks into her bathroom to take a quick shower before going into bed.

When she finishes she finds Costia already asleep, clearly she was exhausted and dozed off. She walks to her dressing and puts boxer shorts and a t-shirt to sleep then she looks intently at Costia for a moment trying to think about how she can move her without waking her up when Costia opens her eyes.

“Sorry, I got compelled by the comfort of your fresh sheets,” Costia says stretching herself before rolling to the side of the bed.

“It is fine,” Lexa replies before joining her.

Costia crawls closer to Lexa and takes off the towel leaving her completely naked and she sits on Lexa’s lap.

“We don’t have to, go back to sleep you’re exhausted,” Lexa says looking into Costia’s yellowish green eyes.

“I thought you were going to show me what you were thinking about,” Costia sexily replies while pushing herself harder down Lexa’s lap trying to grind against Lexa’s shaft.

Lexa brings her closer against her own chest before claiming her lips. Costia moans when she feels Lexa’s tongue finally against hers. Lexa is the one who breaks the kiss, leaning back and looking into her girlfriend’s eyes.

“That’s not what I was thinking,” Lexa says feeling her blood running to her cheeks.

“Ow! Then what were you thinking?” Costia asks.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe…emm,” Lexa stutters finding it difficult to focus while Costia is deliberately grinding down on her.

“Maybe what?” Costia says waiting to hear what Lexa has to say, she lowers herself and starts nipping at Lexa’s neck hips still moving.

“God!” Lexa lets out, “I can’t focus when you’re…Cos please,” She begs her girlfriend to stop and Costia chuckles before standing still.

“Thank you,” Lexa says before adding in one breath, “ _Iwantyoutomoveinwithme”_

Costia looks at her for a moment letting the words sink in then her lips part and closes few times before she speaks, “Are you sure?” She doesn’t want to question Lexa but to say that she is surprised is an understatement.

Lexa nods with a smile, a genuine one and Costia's heart flutters then the smile on her face falls, “Lexa!” She lets out seriously.

“What?” Lexa fears the worst.

“Is it because of Clarke?” Costia says and Lexa’s heart stops for a second then Costia continues, “Because of what she said?”

Lexa frowns “No” She first replies then lets out a sigh “I didn’t like the way you looked at me, if like I was…I am hurting you” Lexa confesses.

Costia stands up, takes the towel and covers herself then sits back beside Lexa, “I don’t want you to do things for others, not even for me,” She lets out looking everywhere but at Lexa’s eyes, “I want you to _want_ and feel the _need_ to have me here” Costia tries to explain.

“I want it,” Lexa says feeling bad at Costia’s reaction and words.

Costia keeps silent and Lexa feels her heart ache, “Costia,” She lets out softly trying to get her girlfriend’s attention, “Say something,” She lets out in a pleading tone.

Costia smiles at her, “I don’t know what to say,” She fidgets with the hem of the towel.

Lexa gulps feeling uncomfortable at the silence and not having control over the situation. She was not expecting Costia to refuse, or question her. She remembers her conversation this morning with Anya ‘ _She won’t leave…she loves you…talk to her_ ’ So she decides to push herself out of her comfort zone and just do it.

“That’s ok if you don’t want to move in with me, Costia,” Lexa says bravely while trying to meet Costia’s eyes, “But you need to know that I…I care about you and I want to have what we had the other day when you were here…not the morning sex, though it was amazing,” Costia finally looks into Lexa’s green eyes, “But I liked the way we were together here and we talked…it felt nice to have you here.”

“Don’t you feel that when you stay over at my place?” Costia asks confused.

“I do but it is not the same,” Lexa confesses and Costia nods she knows Lexa is not easily comfortable outside her environment, not in her place.

Costia feels even sadder at Lexa’s words but doesn’t let it show. She knows Lexa cares for her but she wants more. However she knows even if Lexa says the words, she won’t mean them the way Costia does. She decides to not overthink it because she doesn’t want to lose Lexa, she loves her despite knowing that she is not ‘it’ for her.

She knows Lexa feels like a fish out of water when she is not around her place, she noticed the way Lexa is at her place she scarcely gets out of the bedroom. She doesn’t wander freely in her apartment like Costia does in her mansion.

“It is not that I don’t want to,” Costia says, “What if we find a middle ground?” She suggests and Lexa frowns confused.

“What if I keep my place and I try to stay here few times a week?” Costia suggests.

“I’d love that,” Lexa’s smile is back, “So it is a yes,” Lexa wants to make sure that she understood well.

Costia nods then straddles Lexa again and kisses her languorously, Lexa feels her length twitch and she loses all her control when Costia breaks the kiss and whispers in her ear “Now, fuck me like you mean it” Lexa doesn’t get what Costia insinuates with her words, her mind is blurred by her arousal and Costia is fine with it.

Lexa’s eyes darken with lust when they meet Costia’s, she looks down at her lips that just uttered the words that drove her to the edge and claims them with need, the kiss is sloppy and deep which wakes Costia up fully. She takes Lexa’s lip between her teeth and bites hard while her hand goes down between them she slides her hand into Lexa’s underwear.

Lexa’s breath hitches when she feels Costia’s hand against her throbbing length her hips jerk up subconsciously then when Costia releases her lip she flips them over, her hand goes down to Costia’s thighs to part them so she can settle between them. She looks down hungrily at her, frees her body from the offending towel and laps her tongue around her perked nipples while her hand is everywhere on Costia’s body except where she needs it the most.

Costia gets impatient, she wants Lexa to be rough, she wants her to lose control and fuck her senseless. She wants to have and share with her what she can’t have emotionally at least she gives it to her sexually.

She grabs a handful of Lexa’s shirt at her chest and pulls her up to her, Lexa looks down at her with a frown then Costia makes herself clear again, “I thought I said fuck me like you mean it, Lexa,” She stops for a second letting her words sink in Lexa’s ears then she adds, “Be rough, fuck me senseless, I want to be sore in the morning,” Lexa lets out a strangled, ‘ _Fuck_ ’ And Costia smirks knowing that finally she is going to have it the way she asked for, Lexa is never vocal in bed and she just triggered her.  
  


Lexa kisses her sloppily stopping Costia’s wandering hands and pinning them above her head forcibly, “ _Don’t move,_ ” She groans huskily then she lets go of her hands and taking off her shorts and her t-shirt before getting back to her and satiating her thirst the whole night long showing Costia a new Lexa in bed.

***

The very next morning, Costia wakes up with a smile on her lips loving the way her skin felt naked against Lexa’s back. She starts kissing her lazily going up to the back of her neck while letting her arm around her waist spooning her. Lexa lets out a content moan loving Costia’s morning tenderness. She smiles then opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is the only canvas decorating the walls of her bedroom, a bitter sweet reminder, she shuts her eyes again and doesn’t open them until she turns around and faces Costia.

“Morning, beautiful,” Lexa lets out her voice coarse from sleep.

“Emmm,” Is all she gets from Costia who nuzzles into the crook of her neck, Lexa smiles and wraps her arms around her and Costia hooks one leg around Lexa’s body making the sheet slide uncovering her naked leg which is now baring Lexa’s marks.

They stay like that, into one another for a moment before Lexa notices the end result of last night’s activities. Her eyes widen, she feels uncomfortable looking at them.

“Babe,” She tries to have Costia’s attention.

“No,” Costia replies not wanting to wake up and face the world again.

“Babe, please look at me,” Lexa says softly and Costia complies.

“Did I hurt you?” She asks with concern.

“What? No,” Costia shakes her head, she doesn’t want Lexa to worry and close off again, she loved the way she made her cum yesterday and she loved the way she lost herself into her.

“Your skin is…all blue,” Lexa lets out shamefully.

Costia chuckles at Lexa’s worried face, “My skin bruises easily that’s all,” She says before kissing her neck and breathing her in.

“Good,” Lexa replies, “Because I loved it,” She confesses making Costia laugh.

“I knew you had it in you, you just needed some encouragement,” Costia says.

“You mean dirty talk,” Lexa looks at her knowingly and Costia nods, “I’d like to hear you talk dirty” Costia dares to request.

“Well, I can grant you that wish right now,” Lexa smirks.

“Nah uh. Not now, tonight,” Costia says, “I’ve a long day ahead and I’m thinking about making dinner for Finn and Clarke here since I’m living here too,” Costia’s lips curl mirroring Lexa’s smile.

“Partly living here,” Lexa corrects her and Costia chuckles, “Yeah, partly.”

“So what do you think?” Costia asks.

“I am fine with it, as long as we can invite Anya and Raven,” Lexa looks at Costia waiting for her reaction “It means more food, more cooking,” She grimaces hoping Costia will be ok.

“Of course,” Costia simply replies.

“Are you sure it is not too much for you?” Lexa asks again

“Lexa, I'm a chef," Costia replies, “and they are my friends too, I miss them,” She adds before leaving bed.

**The day after; Lexa’s mansion**

**In the kitchen;**

  
Lexa wraps her hands around her girlfriend's waist and places a soft kiss on her shoulder, "Thank you for doing this, it means a lot to me," Lexa whispers.

Costia leans back in her girlfriend's embrace and moans, "I know that's why I am doing it," She replies, "Now go change so you can help me," She orders.

"Can't Murphy help you?" Lexa asks.

"No, I sent him off for the day," Costia replies then turns and looks into Lexa's eyes, "Plus, I'd love to brag and say my girlfriend helped me, she made desert actually," Costia winks causing Lexa to chuckle at Costia's tentative to sound manly mimicking Finn's line.

Lexa pecks her lips and says "Ok, I'll be right back" She walks out of the kitchen and heads to her bathroom. She takes a hot shower, using the steam to relieve the stress she was feeling about tonight's event and goes back to help her girlfriend.

**Later…**

When Finn parks his car at the front door Clarke takes a deep breath before getting of the car. She looks up at the Mansion’s architecture and understands Lexa and Costia’s looks when they got into Finn’ apartment decorated sloppily and so colorful.

Lexa’s mansion was nothing of that sort she could already tell from outside it was ancient, big, elegant, and well preserved. Clarke looks back behind her and sees the French touch of the gardens of the entrance, bringing a smile to her face.

She looks back to Finn and smiles nervously, “Is it Lexa’s?” She asks.

“Well it is her father’s but now it is Lexa’s and you can tell by the way it looks so neat and modern. It wasn’t like that before! It looked old and spooky,” Finn gives her the details.

“As if it is not already,” Clarke replies sarcastically looking at a curious man standing at the front door with a black suit.

“Titus” Finn screams joyfully “You’re alive?” He jokes and hugs the old man who doesn’t flinch and awkwardly taps with one hand at Finn’s back instead of a proper embrace while replying almost robotically, “Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Finn. It’s good to see you back,” Clarke smiles nervously at him and greets him.

The old man’s reply brought chills down her spine, the words were familiar to her as she had already heard them from Lexa’s terrifying father Gustus.

“Welcome,” Titus nods politely, “Miss Woods and Miss Greens are waiting for you in the old dining room, I trust you know where it is Finn,” Finn nods affirmatively, he looks at Clarke with a big smile plastered on his face and takes her hand and walks her into the mansion.

Clarke’s heart aches seeing her fiancé’s smile feeling guilty at hiding from him the truth, she makes a note to herself to ask Lexa about the reason she doesn’t want to let her brother know that she knows her. She can’t handle it anymore, she has never kept secrets from Finn or anyone she was an open book and hated secrets.

“You grew up here?” Clarke asks stupidly eyeing the decoration on the walls.

“No but I spent a lot of time here with Alex,” Finn replies and Clarke remembers that she didn’t ask him about his sister as she planned to.

“Ow! That’s different,” Finn stops abruptly eyeing the room which was not the boring dark dining room it used to be.

It was more of a modern living-room, spacious, luxurious and luminous. Costia and Lexa were apparently standing up at the corner of the room maybe slow dancing, Costia’s arms were around Lexa’s shoulders while Lexa’s arms were wrapped around her waist.

From far Clarke could notice what Costia is wearing, a white summer dress less formal than the one she showed up with at Clarke and Finn’s place and instead of her loose red shiny locks of hair falling to her side today her hair is combed in a neat chignon probably because she was cooking, Clarke thinks to herself. And high heels adding elegance to her slender body in that dress if it was even possible.

The redhead was facing the entrance and while Lexa who has her back to the entrance. It is obvious that Lexa is wearing classic black slacks, black heels and a white blouse with a bow and unlike her girlfriend, Lexa has her hair loose.

Costia is the first one to take a step back from Lexa’s personal space, Lexa did hear the ticking of Clarke’s heels the second she stepped into her mansion but couldn’t push her girlfriend. She is feeling on the edge and all her senses are awake even if she was wrapped up into her beautiful girlfriend she couldn’t let herself lost into her completely knowing that in any minute Clarke would be again at an arm’s reach.

“Hey,” Costia joyfully lets out, “You’re the first ones to arrive,” Lexa turns and eyes Clarke first taking the opportunity now that Costia has her attention greeting her. She feels a warmth in her heart that is unwelcomed when she sees the blonde who is wearing a dark navy blue pan collar dress with dark blue Italian heels that enhance the curve of her delicious calves.

Finn also cleans up well with perfectly cut black pants and a light grey shirt with three undone buttons letting his slightly hairy torso in display.

Clarke doesn’t miss Costia’s words, ‘ _First ones to arrive_ ’ ‘ _Then we won’t be alone_ ’ She thought. She was studying every gesture and every little detail to no miss anything. She had to also take any open opportunity to talk to Lexa privately and ask her about the reason she was omitting the truth. But with the bigger guest list it is going to be hard to do it and when Clarke Griffin put something in her mind it is not easy to let it go.

Costia warmly greets both Clarke and Finn with a friendly peck on both cheeks for Clarke and a firm hand shake for Finn who tugs her further into his embrace and leaves one peck on her cheek. Costia blushes at the gesture and looks directly at Clarke who was fine with it because she was used to Finn’s easiness display of affection with his friends and even strangers.

Lexa walks to her brother gives him a tight hug then looks at him, “You clean up nicer than I remember,” She smiles affectionately at him.

“I can’t say the same about you, Alex…you are always,” He gestures from head to toe at her and Clarke takes the opening to drink at Lexa’s green eyes who looks even greener and stunning with the discreet makeup she has on and then she averts her eyes back to Costia to check if she caught her staring at her girlfriend when she hears Finn again “Perfectly dressed” Lexa chuckles at his words, “I guess I inherited father’s OCD.”

Clarke focuses hard at Lexa’s chuckle fooling herself under her mission of tonight to notice every little detail that she might need then Lexa does the unthinkable and smiles at her, “Clarke, welcome,” Clarke is surprised all she could do is nod and say, “Thank you,” flatly. ‘ _She's suddenly nice to me’_ And it irritates her not knowing why Lexa decided to be friendly today.

Lexa turns and walks and Finn automatically follows her as she opens the French window and steps out.

“Wow, Alex a balcony and a pool?” Finn says amazed, “I don’t recognize the place anymore,”

**********

Clarke looks at the naked walls of the living-room it is void of any arts or pictures unlike the rest of what Clarke saw. Costia smiles at Clarke’s wandering eyes and says “Lexa loves to keep things simple”

Clarke looks at her with a smile, “It is neat” Clarke tries to bite her tongue to not let the ‘ _I know’_ out, she would have replied with if not to Lexa. Her eyes fall down to a dark spot on Costia’s neck, a bruise, a hickie. Costia did put some extra concealer on the bruises but it seems like it did not a good job.

“One of these days I’ll ask you to help us paint one of the rooms” Costia says blushing before adding, “When I can butter her up enough,” She lets out a chuckle.

Clarke smiles nervously, “I’m sure she is already buttered up, look at you,” Clarke compliments her halfheartedly with innuendo.

“Thank you, but there is still work to do,” Costia says and Clarke could feel her teeth grit harshly.

**********

“You like it?” Lexa asks her brother.

“I love it,” Finn replies, “You really went crazy, you completely changed the crappy mansion,” Finn looks back into the living-room and calls Clarke, “Babe! Come have a look,” Lexa eyes widen.

Clarke smiles at Costia and excuses herself before joining her future and her past to the balcony not expecting to find a familiar landscape.

The second Clarke steps out, Lexa feels like all the air in her lungs got knocked out she struggles to breath looking at Clarke’s blue eyes. Clarke’s eyes under the sun light is something else, something she forgot until now. And the way the color of her hair was even more beautiful even if it is a shade or two darker than Lexa remembers, it still is bright.

She also forgot that Clarke’s blue eyes were too sensitive and whenever she is outside under a sunny sky without her sunglasses she would squint her eyes and for Lexa the face Clarke is making now is more than familiar, it is adorable. Lexa looks straight at the distance avoiding to look at Clarke longer afraid to do something that she might regret. Her heart aches at the effort but she is used to ignore her heart.

Clarke’s blue eyes widen at the view, throwing her back in time once again.

**_Year 1999,_ **

**_Summer time, In France_ **

****

_Nine year old Clarke waits impatiently outside the school doors for her best friend Lexa who should be out by now. She developed a new habit to shake her leg nervously while waiting for her best friend._

_Clarke feels like Lexa does it on purpose to get on her nerves. Indeed, Lexa is always the last one to get out of class but for a reason. She hates when she other kids bump into her she prefers to avoid any unnecessary physical contact with other people so she can keep her anatomy secret._

_She was alone and a shy kid, of course she had a father but he always shamed her about the fact that she is not a girl nor a boy but she is something in between._

_She also has Clarke now a best friend to whom she can talk and confess anything, she is almost sure if she does tell Clarke about her extra appendage, Clarke will still love her but Clarke was clueless and younger and letting her know about her big secret would not help Lexa in any way._

_So she tried deal with her secret alone, by burying it even more and closing off everyone including Clarke. She was afraid to lose her best friend, her one and only friend she had in the whole country, in the whole world._

_"Tu es toujours la dernière," (You're always the last one,) Clarke pouts taking Lexa's hand and hurrying her into the streets of Paris._

_After the second year of their stay in France Lexa convinced her father to not send his driver to school. He first refused then when Clarke's father Jake talked to him assuring him that he will always be there to walk them back home, he agreed._

_"Tu es toujours aussi impatiente et je n'aime pas me faire bousculer," (You’re always impatient and I don't like to be bumped,) Lexa replies with a huff._

_"J'ai une surprise pour toi et on risque d'être en retard à cause de toi," (I have a surprise for you and we might risk being late because of you,) Clarke says joyfully and Lexa stops abruptly._

_"Je n'aime pas les surprises, Clarke," (I don't like surprises, Clarke,) Lexa says nervously._

_“Je sais, Lexa mais tu vas aimer,” (I know but you are going to love it,) Clarke replies taking Lexa’s hand back in hers to make her move fasters._

_After running through few streets, Clarke ends up slowing down and pushing her index finger against her lips, Lexa nods and feels a coil in her stomach. Just by watching the excitement in Clarke’s eyes and mischievous look she gave her, she knows it is going to be trouble but she can’t help herself following Clarke._

_Clarke lowers herself behind a bush and gestures for Lexa to do the same. Lexa had to completely crouch as she was taller and could be caught easily._

_Not long after, Clarke looks back at her with wide eyes, Lexa gets the message and holds her breath and watches Clarke’s blue eyes squeeze shut hard. Lexa barely stops herself from laughing, she smiles at Clarke’s cuteness as if squeezing your eyes hard enough will make you disappear or invisible._

_She could hear firm footsteps passing by them, a sound of metal followed by the shuffling of keys and her heart beat quickens._

_Hardly two minutes later, Clarke looks at Lexa and winks, “Allons y” (Let’s go)._

_“Attends!” (Wait !) Lexa whispers, “Et si on nous rattrape, Clarke?”_ _(What if we get caught, Clarke?) Lexa murmurs trying to reason her friend._

_“Mais non, fais moi confiance,” (We won’t, trust me,) Clarke reassures her and right away her answer flashes into her best friend’s green eyes._

_Lexa feels Clarke’s hand squeeze hers signaling for her that it is time to move, they sneak through a broken fence towards what seems a private property. Lexa’s heart beat turns wild at the idea of being caught but doesn’t stop her crazy friend, she likes the thrill, the voice of her father reprimanding her resonates clearly in her head but she barely experience any thrill in her life so she gets caught up in the moment and decides to lose control and be a kid for a day. Be freely herself with Clarke, only Clarke._

_Clarke runs towards a tree, throws her school bag on the ground and climbs it, Lexa’s eyes widen afraid that Clarke would fall they never climbed trees together and she never saw Clarke climbing. She quickly pushes her school bag from her back and follows her best friend._

_Clarke stops at a branch and starts scooting to give Lexa some space but the brunette stops her, she wants Clarke to be safe close to the tree trunk so she can brace herself in case “Non, Clarke reste où tu es, je peux y arriver” (No, Clarke stay where you are, I can do it) Lexa reaches the branch where Clarke is sitting now and pushes one leg then the other before letting her hold go and finally sitting next to Clarke._

_“Viens plus près, Lexa,” (Come closer, Lexa,) Clarke asks her and Lexa pushes herself closer to her friend, “Regarde!” (Look!) Clarke gestures but looks at her best friend’s face to see her reaction._

_Lexa watches the sight before her for hardly few seconds when a smile breaks in her face causing Clarke’s own smile. Lexa looks at her best friend and finds her pink tongue peeking between her now perfect white teeth, “I knew you would like it.”_

_It was not a well decorated garden like the ones Lexa saw in their school trips to the castles but it was a sort of experimental garden, full of different kind of flowers and it was big, very big._

_“How?” Lexa simply asks her eyes focused on the sight and Clarke knows what she means, “The picture in your room”_

_After few minutes, Lexa breaks the silence, “C’est ma mère sur la photo,” (It is my mother on the picture,) She waits for few seconds then adds with a sad smile, “C’est la seule photo que j’ai d’elle.” (It’s the only picture I have of her.)_

_Clarke looks at her and smiles sympathetically, she tries to wrap her arm around her best friend’s shoulder to comfort her but fails because Lexa is bigger and almost loses her balance._

_She grabs firmly at Lexa’s shirt to not fall and Lexa helps her sitting back safely and wraps her right arm around Clarke’s shoulders instead while keeping a firm hold of the branch with her left hand and places a kiss on her best friend’s cheek ,“Thank you,” Clarke flashes another toothy smile and they stay there for what seems like an eternity._

_Clarke is unusually silent, she wants Lexa to stare at the flowers and enjoy it the longest because she knows her friend lacks colors in her life. She dresses always in pale colors if she ever wear colors and her room is cold and seems like an adult’s room._

_Lexa is the one who disturbs the silence again, “On devrait rentrer.” (We should leave.)_

_“Non, il y a une autre surprise," (No, there’s another surprise,) Clarke replies flashing another toothy smile at her._

_“Ok,” Lexa replies and climbs down and Clarke is next she sees Lexa taking her school bag and tells her to leave it there. They walk cautiously between the flowers for a moment Lexa is mesmerized and keeps stopping at every new kind of flower she passes, and lowers herself to smell it then Clarke asks Lexa to not move, she runs back until Lexa can’t see her anymore and suddenly the water system turns on._

_Clarke lets out a chuckle happy to see the reaction of her best friend. Lexa is suddenly a child, just a smiling child twirling happily, hands wide open, her head back looking at the sky and enjoying the tiny droplets of refreshing water hitting her face._

_She forgets about her father, she forgets about what he might tell her seeing her soaking wet and looking like a child she should be. She forgets about everything that moment._

_She forgets about not having a loving mother, she forgets about her extra appendage between her legs, she forgets all her worries and everything in her life except the few last minutes._

_Clarke runs back to her best friend and takes her hand and they twirl together under the blue sky until they feel dizzy and fall on the ground giggling. Lexa’s outfit is now soaking wet and full of dirt, Clarke’s clothes are in the same state but she doesn’t seem to care she rolls down and laughs asking Lexa to do the same, she does then bumps into Clarke who was rolling back to the other direction and their foreheads knock against one another._

_Clarke lets out a cry at the collision and Lexa’s hand pushes her blonde wet hair from her face to check if Clarke is ok ,“C’est rien,” (It’s nothing,) Clarke says and Lexa takes her hand away._

_She chuckles when she notices the way Lexa’s eyes were looking at her worriedly._

_“Quoi?” (What?) Lexa asks with a frown._

_Clarke shakes her head, “Tu es belle,” (You’re beautiful,) She says leaving Lexa speechless and leaving her question unanswered too mesmerized by her green eyes, she has been looking at them for two years now, each morning but she never noticed how green they are, neither how striking they are nor how beautiful Lexa is._

_“Merci”, (Thank you,) Lexa finally replies grateful for everything, grateful for having Clarke and feeling her heart banging against her chest. She leans in to kiss Clarke’s forehead but the blonde moves and her lips ends up on Clarke’s nose making both of them laugh._

_Lexa watches Clarke leaning back in and placing carefully a kiss on her nose, and she feels her cheeks suddenly warm “On doit partir” (We should leave) Lexa says standing up._

_“Pas avant que tu choisis une fleur,” (Not before you chose a flower,) Clarke replies._

_Lexa raises her eyebrows then looks around, "Prends moi une de ton choix,” (Choose one for me,) Lexa shrugs._

_Clarke looks around then grimaces, it is going to be hard to choose so she starts picking one of each color she likes making a colorful bouquet and stops when her hands can’t hold anymore before she gives it to Lexa._

_“Tu as besoin de couleurs, tu es plus souriante avec,” (You need colors, you are more smiling with them,) Clarke explains before taking Lexa’s free hand in hers and walking back to the tree to take their school bags and leave._

_On their way back home Lexa tells Clarke that she would like to go back there, Clarke encourages her to do it but then Lexa tells her that she would like to go back there with her best friend._

_They do it repeatedly and it becomes their spot, their place until the day they get caught and the fence is repaired. Lexa promises Clarke that they will find another spot again._

**Present time, year 2017;**

**Lexa’s mansion, in the balcony;**

Almost the same garden, their spot, their garden where Lexa and her shared so many things, so many tender moments. Where Clarke first noticed Lexa’s green eyes and down there it looks like the garden the spot Lexa promised her that they will find one day.

Clarke blinks few times then she can’t help herself and look at Lexa, ignoring completely Finn’s presence. She wants Lexa to look at her, she wants to tell her so many things just with one look, just like they used to do when they were younger but the brunette was deliberately ignoring her despite feeling her gaze on her and knowing what Clarke wants.

Lexa doesn’t flinch because she knows where Clarke zoned out just now, she was there too.

“It reminds me of a garden I used to go to when I was young,” Clarke finally dares to say making Lexa’s heart stops. _She remembers_.

“You like it too?” Finn asks her.

“I love it,” Clarke blurts out and instantly regrets it when she sees Lexa’s jaw tenses.

“Well, Alex. If you don’t mind we would like to celebrate our wedding down there,” Finn says wrapping his arm around his sister’s shoulders making her turn her gaze from the horizon.

That’s it, Clarke wants to scream at Lexa and tell everything to Finn so he stops being stupid and making things even worse between them but she can’t because now Lexa is looking at her coldly almost defiantly.

“If that’s what your wife wants,” Lexa looks into Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke is hurt at Lexa’s harsh tone, she never spoke to her like that. She never got to meet angry Lexa nor cold Lexa nothing. The Lexa she knew was the most tender, sweet and nicest person she ever met until today. Lexa’s eyes never looked at her so hardly, she was getting reacquainted to her all over again but not in the best way.

“Clarke?” Finn looks worried at his fiancé who zoned out.

“Sorry,” She smiles at him, “I don’t know, maybe!” Clarke says trying to get out of it.

“Let’s go back inside,” Lexa says quickly to avoid dwelling about the topic further.

Once they all are back into the living-room Costia gestures for them to join her, Lexa is the first one to comply leaving Finn clinging at Clarke.

“You really made drastic changes in here. I wonder how the rest of the mansion is, I’ll have a look later,” Finn says sitting next to Clarke while Lexa is next to Costia in the other sofa.

“I should show you now while the other guests are not here yet,” Costia replies and Lexa’s eyes bulge not expecting it. It is Costia of course. _Unpredictable_.

“Let’s go then,” Finn stands up and gesturing for Costia to hook her arm around his, Costia smiles and complies. ‘ _Damn Finn, even more spontaneous_ ’ Lexa curses herself for not interjecting and taking him herself.

Lexa feels suddenly trapped by Clarke’s blue eyes staring at her. Clarke waits to hear Costia’s heels far enough before she speaks, “What the...” before she can say anything coherent at all Lexa is this time quick enough, “Don’t,” She groans and walks away to a mini-bar and pours herself a drink.

Clarke feels tears welling in her eyes she takes a deep breath trying to compose herself before Lexa looks back at her. She remembers that this is her only chance to ask Lexa about the reason behind her lying to everyone and it gives her enough courage to try again.

She walks towards Lexa and grabs her elbow harshly turning her so she can face her, “What the hell is wrong with you, Lexa?” Clarke lets out harshly, “You can’t just ignore me like I never existed, like we never…existed,” She blinks trying to keep the anger that is fueling her.

“Yes, I can,” Lexa replies nonchalantly then takes another sip from her drink.

“Well, I am going to tell him everything,” Clarke threatens back making Lexa sigh.

“You were ok with it two days ago. Nothing has changed,” Lexa replies seriously looking away.

“You’re wrong,” Clarke deadpans and Lexa looks back at her intrigued, “I have, I can’t do this anymore,” Clarke adds before walking towards the living-room’s door to leave.

“Aren’t you engaged, Clarke?” Lexa asks making Clarke stop at her tracks and turn back.

“I am,” Clarke replies.

“To Finn,” Lexa adds.

“To your brother,” Clarke points out.

“Right,” Lexa agrees, “And you’re willing to risk losing him? Don’t you care about him?”

“It is because I care about him that I want him to know the truth,” Clarke replies still looking at Lexa’s fierce green eyes then adds taking few steps further into Lexa’s direction, “I may be a hypocrite Lexa, but you’re a liar,” Clarke lets out with venom in her tone while taking more steps making Lexa uncomfortable, and now Lexa is walking backwards to avoid being close to the blonde.

“You keep lying to everyone, building walls and never letting anyone in, you are afraid of your feelings since you were a child,” Lexa’s back thighs bump against the mini-bar she gulps bracing herself with both hands, Clarke is invading her personal space now “You’re a coward Lexa” Clarke is dangerously close, too close for Lexa’s trembling walls to handle, too close that Lexa can recognize the smell of her fragrance she spayed in her wrist two days ago.

Clarke is too close causing Lexa to lean her upper body a little bit back to not feel Clarke’s breath on her face when Clarke adds, “You run and shut everyone down.”

“Not everyone,” Lexa lets out with a trembling voice, “Not you,” She looks defiantly at Clarke’s blue eyes, she knows she hit the target well even if it is unintentional because she recognizes something familiar and softer in the blue of Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke can’t help her eyes darting down at Lexa’s lips then back to her eyes. Her lips part then close. She loses the ability to function. She frowns confused and surprised at the same time.

The two words tug right at Clarke’s heartstrings who is all of a sudden aware of it. Her heart didn’t manifest its presence like this for a while now. She forgot about this feeling until a minute ago, it hit her like a train it is familiar yet so different. It is stronger. She can’t possibly hear the voices coming from it, it is blurry. It's a sweet melody in the back but it is muffled by the cries of her teenage self.

All she can do is take a step back from Lexa, afraid to fall back into her and get her heart broken again by the only person from whom Clarke can’t defend herself and always finds herself helpless with.

“Lexa?” Clarke hears Lexa’s name spoken by an unfamiliar woman’s voice in a questioning tone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Present time, year 2017;**

**Lexa’s mansion, in the living-room**

“Lexa?” Clarke hears Lexa’s name spoken by an unfamiliar woman’s voice in a questioning tone.

The voice sends chills both down Lexa and Clarke’s spines, Lexa forgets that she is already against the mini-bar and that there is no space left behind her she stumbles backward making the bottles shake and cling against one another.

Clarke in the other side, jolts back and turns to look at the one who is speaking, her eyes meet a blonde woman studying her from head to toe. If looks could kill, Clarke is sure she would be dead by now.

Anya stares for a moment at the woman who was backing her best friend against the wall and who now looks guilty, she studies her features intently feeling like her face is familiar. Then she gives her a look to make herself understood that she did see them and that she doesn’t like what she saw.

“Anya,” Lexa finally breaks the silence feeling as much embarrassed as happy to see her best friend. She never was happy to hear her name uttered in a threatening and questioning tone. She knows Anya won’t let it go she will eventually want some explanations but at least she helped her. She saved her from losing control more than she already had confessing to Clarke that she is special, she is the one Lexa let her walls down for and let in exceptionally.

Lexa thinks if Anya didn’t interrupt them her trembling walls would have crumbled down and this is not what she is ready for, this is not what she wants or can allow herself to do, her brother is more important to her than anyone. Even herself.

In addition, she was not ready to hear more from Clarke, not yet. Maybe never, because the look she saw in her blue eyes after she told her ‘ _Not everyone, not you_ ’ was not familiar to her. However, she could tell it was not a good one, hell even if it is a good one she can’t act on it. Interacting with Clarke is a bad idea, the best is to ‘ _ignore_ ’ her and forget about what they were or what they could be.

Lexa is the first one to get out of the tense bubble she and Clarke were in by walking toward the couch leaving Clarke awkwardly standing at the mini-bar.

“You’re here,” Lexa lets out trying to hide the mess she is.

“Yes, it seems I am not the first one,” Anya replies looking at Clarke who takes a glass and fills herself a drink while looking at them. She stops Lexa by grabbing firmly her elbow, Lexa completely forgot to introduce them, she forces herself to smile and look back at Clarke, “Anya, Finn’s fiancé Clarke. Clarke, Anya my best friend.”

Clarke sips from her drink first, needing to feel something else down her throat than the stubborn heart that kept furiously beating against her chest before she pushes the glass away from her lips trying to ignore the coil she feels inside her guts at the way Lexa introduced her to this woman Anya. She used to be her best friend, her only friend. Jealousy is added to the mix of emotions that were boiling into her.

She takes a step closing the remaining distance and politely shakes the hand Anya presents her not bothering herself with a fake smile, she knows the woman saw them she understood the look she threw at her and she doesn’t care to even reply.

“Ah the lucky one. Finn is a good man,” Anya says with a heavy tone.

“That’s why I said yes,” Clarke deadpans with a not so friendly smile.

“Have we ever met before?” Anya asks seriously staring at Clarke and Lexa’s heart stops. Of course Anya would remember.

**_Year 2016, around July;_ **

**_At Gustus’ mansion, in his office;_ **

_Gustus’ funeral was as cold as the life he led. Except for the ones who belonged to his entourage no one showed up. No neighbors, no friends, except few unfamiliar faces who showed up to express their meaningless condolences to Lexa and of course her two best friends and her girlfriend were there but Finn was in the Middle East and couldn’t come._

_Lexa was composed and wore the same unfazed and indifferent face very much similar to her father’s one during the funeral. She could notice the murmurs and looks that were directed at her but she couldn’t care much. Her father was a cold hearted man and his loss is not going to be devastating for her neither his absence as he never was there in the first place only when she needed to be scolded or punished._

_He made sure to keep himself as well as her busy enough to not interact with one another when they were in the same room. So yes, Lexa was not pained by his loss but she was pained by something else. However, she wasn’t going to let her emotions show. After all, you reap what you sow._

_It has been few days since Gustus’ funeral and as much as Lexa despises his office, she knows she has to do it. Anya, Raven and Costia are all pushing her to do it and when they finally convince her, she looks at Anya and asks her to follow her. Costia’s heart aches for not being the one Lexa needs. She wants to be there for her girlfriend but it seems that Lexa prefers Anya’s company._

_They get in his office and Lexa starts right away by emptying his desk, going through the paperwork. She asks Anya to keep everything work related and get rid of everything else leaving only a safely locked drawer. Lexa tries to find the key but to no avail so she called Raven to help her with it._

_Raven joins them and it takes her few minutes to unlock it, “Shit! It’s full of it,” She exclaims when she takes a look then adds, “It’s full of shit.” She steps back and Anya rolls her eyes._

_“As much as weird my father was, he’s not one to hide his money in a locked drawer that can be easily opened,” Lexa says._

_“Easily? Then why didn’t you do it?” Raven feels offended._

_Lexa ignores her friend’s question and takes out all the files, envelopes and puts them on the desk leaving only a leather envelope that intrigued her and opens it. She finds two letters, both sealed and has Finn’s full name on it. The first one is small and clearly is a simple letter while the second and big one seems to contain a file. Lexa raises her eyebrow surprised that her father would leave something for his nephew._

_Nephew, and not son even if he raised him he was always cold and treated him severely even more harshly than he treated Lexa as he always disobeyed him._

_“What is it?” Anya asks seeing Lexa’s face._

_“It has Finn’s name on it,” Lexa exclaims._

_“Holly shit, even Finn gets a part of the cake,” Raven replies._

_“I don’t understand,” Lexa says between her lips._

_“I thought he didn't leave him anything,” Anya comments just as confused as Lexa remembering the big fight that happened which led to Finn’s decision to enlist into the army._

_“Well, maybe Gustus is human after all,” Raven says in a sarcastic tone._

_“At least now Finn won’t refuse to take the shares I offered him. They are mine as much as his,” Lexa says._

_“He was the reason Finn enlisted, the least thing he can do is leave him something,” Anya comments._

_“He’ll be back home soon,” Raven smiles genuinely._

_A smile breaks into Lexa’s face for the first time in days. “I hope so,” She says softly._

_“Who is this?” Anya shows a picture she took from the file she had in her hand._

_Lexa’s face falls recognizing the picture. It is a picture of her and Clarke she thought she has lost during their moving in to the mansion. The picture was taken when Jake took them for ice cream after school, the two best friends were sitting on a bench unaware that Jake was capturing the moment. They were too busy with the cones of ice cream in their hands and looking at each other to notice and face the camera properly._

_In the picture, Lexa was shoving her cone into Clarke’s face so she can taste the flavors she chose, a smile plastered on her face while Clarke had a serious face looking down at the cone and leaning in to have a taste._

_“No one,” Lexa replies too quickly and takes the file from her friend’s hand. Anya and Raven might be her best friends, she might have shared with them things about her life with Gustus mainly, but she never talked to them about Clarke._

_Clarke is a secret she keeps deep in her heart, **her** secret. Clarke is **her** sweet memory she jealously keeps for herself. She is the only person she knew herself and was not pushed into knowing her by either Finn or her father. Clarke is also a sore spot for her._

_She takes the picture then the file and opens it, her eyes fill with tears all of a sudden. She feels like the world around her is spinning, her breath hitches and she cannot control her tears anymore. It is a file full of pictures of her mother._

_Both Anya and Raven looks worriedly at her, they never saw her crying. Never. So instead of asking her, they both stand up ready to leave when she stops them._

_“Stay,” She lets out a strangled plea, which surprises them and they join her. She lets them cuddle her sitting on both her sides._

_“It’s my mom,” She says wiping her tears showing the first picture, it was a picture of her mother laying in her bed with a newborn on her chest._

_“Is it you?” Raven asks confused. “I thought she died in labor?”_

_Lexa doesn’t answer, she doesn’t have one. She is as clueless as her friend. If it is her on the picture, it means that Gustus lied to her and during her entire life. All she has, are pictures of her around the age of five when she became Lexa officially._

_She wipes her tears again trying to see the next picture, a sob leaves her lips when she sees another picture of her mother holding in the air the baby who is now a little older. She hands the picture to Anya and goes to the next one, almost identical to the first one. However, her mother was breastfeeding the newborn._

_“Lexa,” Anya tries to have her attention but to no avail, Lexa keeps wiping her tears to clear her vision each picture she takes until she feels Anya’s hands firmly wrapped around her wrists trying to stop her._

_She frowns at her, “Lexa, you should check the backside of the picture,” Anya says looking into green teary eyes before flipping the picture and giving it to her._

_Lexa’s eyes moves franticly over the picture ‘Alexander 2 months- Saturday 6_ _ th _ _June’._

_She blinks few times trying to assimilate everything. She takes the first picture and flips it ‘Alexander 2 weeks- Thursday 16_ _ th _ _April’. She pushes the newly shed tears again and instead of seeing the remaining pictures, she flips them all over and keep going through the dates and the last one is ‘Alexander 3 years old-Birthday’. She flips the pictures warily and finds her three year old self with long hair and her mother’s hands both grabbing her hair in two little ponytails on each side both looking at the camera with a big smiles on their faces._

_It is her, her green eyes, her lips, her smile, her nose, and her soft curls, everything about the baby in the picture screams that it is her. Her father lied to her! An aching feeling squeezes hard at her chest that she is having hard time to breathe. Even the easiest task for her body seems now a big deal._

_She lets out a loud sob and starts going quickly through the other pictures, without lingering on the details. Every picture soothed a void that had been aching in her heart since she remembers, but yet the soothing is twistedly painful. Her whole life she was fine and lived with it, she got used to not have what other kids had._

_Thoughts kept running in her mind, her heart aches at the sight of the last picture of them together. Together. She had spent three years maybe more in the arms of her loving mother, she had shared moments she never knew she did. She has a mother, she knew a mother, she knew what a mother’s soothing embrace is, she knew what it felt to sleep in a mother’s lap, she was breastfed, and so much more. She hates herself for not remembering any of it. And she hates more the one who stole from her this knowledge._

_Looking at the pictures and the way her mother looked happy, she can’t help think, ‘She would have accepted me.’ and her heart shutters._

**Present time, year 2017;**

**Lexa’s mansion, in the living-room**

“No, I don’t think so,” Clarke replies in a cold tone, she never saw the woman and she doubts Lexa told her about her.

“Well, I’ll go check on Cos and Finn,” Lexa says ready to leave.

“Where are they?” Anya asks.

“Cos took Finn to have a look at the changes that I made,” Lexa simply replies.

“I’ll go with you,” Clarke replies causing both Lexa and Anya to raise an eyebrow. Clarke thinks how much alike they seem with this new version of Lexa. The cold controlling version. She could have mistaken them for sisters, at least Anya has the same daunting figure unlike Finn who is nothing like Lexa.

“Hey commander,” A voice interrupts them saving Clarke from the awkward situation. Raven is the last one to come of course always late and faithful to her reputation.

“Raven,” Lexa replies with a smile. “Is it that hard to get you on time?” Lexa asks and Clarke looks at the brunette and can’t help thinking that she is going to like her, she called Lexa commander. At least she was not the only one who noticed Lexa’s cold commanding behavior.

“Well, raise my paycheck so I can afford myself a rollex and I’ll be on time,” Raven deadpans with a wink.

Clarke looks at the brunette intently ‘ _She works for her_ ‘ She makes an unnecessary mental note ‘ _Of course she is a control freak even her friends work for her_ ’ Clarke tries to find unattractive features so she can resent Lexa more and hate her if it is possible.

“Raven, this is Clarke Finn’s future wife. Clarke this is my best friend Raven,” Lexa finds herself obliged to do the introductions herself, omitting the detail that Raven is Finn’s first love. It was already awkward for Lexa to have her brother’s wife as her first love, she wasn’t going to add to the list Finn’s first love as his best friend too.

Clarke smiles politely at Raven and pushes her hand for the brunette to shake but Raven huffs and pushes it. “I’m not the commander or her minion, I don’t shake hands,” She says and gives Clarke a hug taking her by surprise.

 _‘I like her already. Indeed, Anya is Lexa’s minion,’_ Clarke thinks to herself.

“And after all between Finn’s…” Raven doesn’t finish her sentence when she hears Finn’s voice approaching.

She looks behind her when she sees him walking towards the living-room she turns back to Clarke and asks her, “When is the wedding?” Clarke looks at her confused. “Two months,” She barely answers when Raven says more to herself then to Clarke, “Enough time to heal.” Clarke watches Raven walking toward Finn who is now few steps away.

“Look who is…” Finn is interrupted by Raven’s fist against his cheek and Clarke lets out a loud yelp rushing to them, while both Costia and Anya are laughing and Lexa is smiling.

 _‘Or not. I don’t like her anymore. She just punched my fiancé right in the face, this woman is sick!!’_ Clarke tells herself.

“What’s wrong with you?” Clarke lets out rather harshly checking Finn’s face.

“Aouch!” He rubs his cheek. “That’s ok babe. I deserve this one,” He reassures his fiancé who is confused she looks at Lexa and Anya and sees that they are not alarmed by the gesture.

“This one is for not calling while you promised. Fuck! Finn is this the way you treat your best friend aka your first love?” Raven asks angrily making Clarke’s eyes bulge. Now she understands.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Finn apologizes. “Come here give me a hug,” He adds wrapping his arms tightly around the brunette.

“I missed you, space walker,” Raven says finally with a nicer tone.

“I missed you too guys, Anya,” Finn looks at his other friend who is walking to meet him in a warm embrace.

“Long time no see, Finn,” Anya says after parting from his embrace.

“I know. I’m back now. She got me hooked,” He jokes.

“I heard that,” Anya replies looking at Clarke who smiles at her nervously, then she adds, “We missed you.”

“Costia,” Raven steps to Costia and gives her a tight hug, Clarke’s eyes are everywhere and she is studying everyone’s interaction. They seem close, too close with so much history. She feels left out, she feels like an outsider, the only person she is close to in this room and with whom she shares history with decides to ignore her, ignore her existence willingly and it doesn’t really feel good.

Anya leans closer and gives Costia a similar hug, “Missed you too.” Costia smiles happily.

“Guys, I need to go back to my kitchen, so I can finish the little details for our dinner tonight. Lexa I need you in the kitchen with me,” Costia says looking at her friends.

“Your wish is my command,” Lexa replies smiling at her girlfriend before they leave the living-room.

Clarke’s heart aches, then she reminds herself that she is engaged. Engaged to Finn, she smiles at him and intertwines her hand with his. She needs him after what happened earlier, she needs to feel safe.

Anya throws at Clarke a serious glare who doesn’t miss it making her wary, she looks away trying to avoid the accusatory looks.

Unlike Anya, Raven looks at their hands and smiles. “She really got you hooked, Finn,” Raven remarks then she looks at Clarke and asks her, “How did you two meet?” She is curious to know how their relationship escalated that quickly.

Clarke felt a little bit awkward about telling how they met while Anya got to listen, she didn’t like the woman not a tiny bit.

“I think Finn would tell it better,” She simply smiles letting her fiancé take over.

Finn smiles happy to share with his friends. “Well, Clarke was part of the MSF,” He says then seeing Raven confused he says, “Médecin sans frontiers,” In a terrible French accent which makes both Clarke and Raven laugh while it sparks Anya’s interest.

Her eyes were on Clarke studying her when she hears Finn adding, “Or Doctors without borders. I was injured and we had no medical staff around, we were a hundred kilometers away from our military section. I was a total mess, everything was aching in me, adding to it the heat was burning my brain I fainted and when I woke up the first thing I saw was her…” He stops and gestures with both his hands cupping the air against his chest. “And I asked her to marry me, end of the story,” He adds making Raven giggle.

Clarke blushes and slaps his shoulder. “It’s not what happened,” She pouts and Finn leans in pecking her lips. “Right,” He says, “The first thing I saw was her blue eyes then her boobs. I mean you can’t blame me I was injured, dehydrated, haven’t seen a woman for more than a year then I finally see boobs right in front of me and she was wearing white and underneath it a white tank top and a black bra,” He defends himself.

“I can’t blame you, man. She really have a good pair though,” Raven comments making Clarke blush.

“Can we please not talk about my boobs,” She says.

“Ok, Ok!” Finn replies. “So I asked her if she was an angel. I asked her if I died because come on. I wasn’t expecting to see such a beautiful woman with boobs that good,” He says laughing. “She was professional though. She didn’t reply to my flirt or anything but when I healed and cleaned well I came back there and asked her out and she said no.”

Anya interrupts him before he continues, “Why did you say no, Clarke? Did you have someone?” She asks her with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I was focused on my work. I had the opportunity to help, to do what I want. I mean people of my age were still studying in Med school. I wasn’t going to jeopardize everything I had. Plus, getting with someone that might die the day after is not a smart move,” Clarke replies and Anya nods, “Fair enough.”

“But of course, she couldn’t resist my charms,” Finn jokes. “I kept coming back and she ended up agreeing because she was afraid I get hurt from the coming and going! It was a hundred kilometers, which means I had to drive two hundred kilometers each time I came back,” Finn explains.

“He really loves you, Clarke,” Anya comments and Clarke nods smiling bitterly.

“I love him too,” She says looking everywhere but at Anya.

“Well that’s it,” Finn ends up.

“How did he propose?” Raven asks again.

“Like a gentleman,” Finn replies quickly. “Got down on one knee and offered her a silver ring because I couldn’t buy a diamond gold ring there but I promised her that she will get one, once we’ll be back.”

“Yes, and he kept his word,” Clarke says displaying her left hand.

“What was I supposed to do? She left everything to come home with me,” Finn informs them and Anya throws a cold look at Clarke.

“This is serious,” Anya comments.

Clarke looks at her feeling fed up with the woman’s behavior, she is not going to let herself in the same room with that woman ever again after tonight. “What do you mean?” She asks.

“Well, you're here with him. What about your family? Your life? Leaving everything behind is a serious matter,” Anya explains.

“It’s love,” Finn smiles saving his fiancé.

Clarke fakes a smile at Anya then adds, “Love is serious.”

“What about your family?” Anya asks.

“Well my father died when I was sixteen, my mother is a doctor who works aboard for MSF and I don’t have siblings so yeah it was easy for me to leave,” Clarke replies feeling over the edge.

“I’m sorry Clarke,” Raven says throwing a death glare at her friend Anya who simply and coldly replies, “That explains a lot.”

“My turn to get to know you, Anya. How did you all meet my fiancé?” Clarke fires back.

Anya smirks loving the way she is getting on Clarke nerves it is obvious that Clarke is angry. Finn felt the tension, and decides to interrupt. “Anya why don’t you come with me to the kitchen maybe Costia needs us?”

“No, she’s fine. She’s a chef and I've some anecdotes to share with your future wife to ease her curiosity,” She replies and Finn smiles. “Raven! Take care of her,” He gestures at Clarke and Raven laughs.

“Don’t worry. I’m not into women,” Anya says and Raven clears her throat.

“Ok, I’ll be in the kitchen trying to steal some recipes from the chef,” Finn says leaving them.

Clarke grits her teeth after Finn walks out of the living-room, she shouldn’t have asked Anya now she has to be with her alone without any familiar face.

“Well, I met Finn at his mother’s funeral and again at Gustus’ place,” Clarke frowns confused feigning to not know who the man is, “Lexa’s father,” Raven explains. Clarke gulps seeing that Anya didn’t explain that means she thinks she knows him, she knows Clarke knows who she is talking about then she hears her adding, “I met Raven the same day Lexa met her.”

Anya looks at Raven who takes it from there, “Yeah. Let’s say you guys saw me, not met me.”

Clarke looks confused when she hears Anya adding, “She was riding Finn,” trying to gauge a reaction from Clarke who remains unfazed.

“Yeah,” Raven lets out embarrassed.

“You were lucky my father didn’t catch you,” Anya comments leaving Clarke confused making a mental note to ask Finn about Anya’s father.

“It was pretty stupid but I’m not gonna apologize, we were horny teenagers,” She shrugs replying.

An awkward silence settles making Clarke’s discomfort greater, she is having the most outraging afternoon around people she barely knows who keep coming at her. She expected the afternoon to be awkward around Lexa and Finn, may be more than the first dinner they had at her place but she wasn’t expecting to be propelled in a roller coaster of emotions.

First, seeing the garden Lexa installed in her property that looks much like the one she and Lexa had in their childhood for a spot, their spot. Then, her confrontation with Lexa that first broke her heart at the words she heard from Lexa agreeing to ignore everything Clarke is and everything they had and which ended curtly by Lexa’s confession ‘ _Not everyone, not you’_ That left her puzzled. And now, Anya’s behavior and her unfriendly glare.

Anya breaks the silence, “You still are a horny teenager, Raven.”

“No, I’m not,” She defends herself.

“Yes you are. All you talk about is sex,” Anya explains.

“Sorry for not having a stick in my ass like you and Lexa,” Raven replies.

“Stop comparing me to Lexa,” Anya lets out annoyed, Clarke can’t help agreeing with Raven about the similarities between Lexa and Anya’s figures but she refrains from voicing her opinion.

“Well, you are not funny. You always have a serious face, your face really looks like you have a stick up in your ass and you’re not comfortable with physical human contact, so yeah you’re like her, whether you like it or not,” Raven replies getting Clarke’s attention.

The two friends can’t help picking on each other despite having company, Clarke doesn’t mind at least Anya’s rage is not directed at her anymore.

“I don’t have problem with physical contact, I’m just selective,” Anya points out.

“True, you get that. Lexa is the one but she’s progressing,” Raven says.

“Why?” Clarke blurts out and regrets it instantly because now Anya is looking at her again.

“Well, Lexa was not always like that,” Raven explains. “You know because of her anatomy, she always was afraid that people would judge her. I mean she went through a lot from her father’s rejection, she never had friends she had such a lonely childhood,” Clarke’s heart clenches she wants to tell her it is not true, she had her for years as her best friend she was there for her but she can’t. All she can do is listen attentively.

“I mean people that time were not so acquainted with her situation…She doesn’t talk about it, she never did except maybe to Finn but she was a mess, she was terrified and lonely. The girl had a rough childhood, we can’t really blame her but still even if she met Costia who accepted her and helped her with her body issues she still is not easy to open up,” Raven explains and Clarke feels like her heart is tearing itself apart.

She feels jealous for not being the one to help Lexa, she feels sorry for not being there for her best friend all this time. She was always ok with Lexa’s body she remembers the Lexa, Raven is talking about.

**_Year 2000, Christmas eve;_ **

**_France, at the Griffin’s household;_ **

****

_Christmas in France for twelve years old Lexa was just another day. Her father would come late home, the only thing he allowed her was sweets and she got to watch tv like normal people. It was just to get her busy from asking his attention or trying to interact with him. The only person that was a little bit good to her was her nanny Indra._

_Well, we can’t say that the woman has Christmas spirit she barely smiled but she tried for Lexa’s sake. She decorated Lexa’s room with red ribbons, fake snow and some ornaments at least and made chocolate cake, Lexa’s favorite._

_No one could tell it is Christmas if they got inside the Woods’ Household, even the Christmas tree was a fake one and in addition it was a small one barely noticeable in the big space and cold walls of the luxurious apartment because Gustus has allergies._

_So when Clarke invited Lexa to spend Christmas with her, she was blissful. She never got a real Christmas really and she was happy to not spend another one alone._

_She got to experience Christmas spirit and how it felt to spend it in a family. She got to help Jake with dinner well she tried but Clarke kept throwing ingredients at her and running everywhere._

_She tried to behave and enjoy her time with Jake who was more of a father to her than Gustus was but to no avail Clarke kept annoying her looking for her attention and then Jake did it. He helped Clarke throwing food at her and she couldn’t act like Gustus’ daughter anymore it was her cue to let loose and be a Griffin for the day._

_It was perfect for Lexa, she had dinner with them and then they got desert, chocolate cake she brought with her. It was the first time Lexa had watched movies and stayed awake in front of tv till midnight and she liked it._

_Everything went well until Abby came and turned off the tv and asked them to go to bed. She walked them to Clarke’s room and asked them to change into their pyjamas, Lexa felt a coil in her stomach afraid to undress in front of Clarke._

_“Clarke, tu peux te retourner s’il te plait?”_ _(Clarke, can you turn over please?) Lexa asks in barely a whisper._

_Clarke laughs at her, “Je suis une fille tout comme toi, Lexa,” (I’m a girl just like you, Lexa,) Lexa feels nervous._

_“S’il te plait!” (Please!) She begs her best friend again who smiles and nods._

_Lexa changes into her pyjamas as quickly as possible ,“J’ai terminé,” (I’m done,) Lexa says and Clarke looks back at her with a smile._

_Abby put an extra bed for Lexa in Clarke’s room which made Lexa comfortable about it. It was the first time she had agreed for sleepovers, Clarke invited her so many times but she always lied to her and told her that her father refused to let her go._

_Both Abby and Jake came back to wish them goodnight Lexa felt her heart clench when they kissed her goodnight, they turned off the light but it was not completely dark due to the street lights that creep through the Clarke’s windows curtains._

_Lexa was thinking about what it would feel to always have a good night kiss by her father and a mother but then Clarke interrupts her thoughts._

_“Lexa,” Clarke whispers her name, “Tu dors?” (Are you asleep?) She asks._

_“Non, pas encore,” (No, not yet,) Lexa replies softly._

_“Lexa?” Clarke whispers again and waits for her best friend to reply._

_“Oui?” (Yes?) Lexa murmurs._

_“Joyeux noel,” (Merry Christmas,) Clarke says and Lexa smiles._

_“Joyeux noel, Clarke,” (Merry Christmas, Clarke,) Lexa replies._

_“Je voulais être la première à te souhaiter joyeux noel,” (I wanted to be the first one to wish you Merry Christmas,) Clarke explains she knows she will be the last waking up._

_“Merci, Clarke,” (Thank you Clarke,) Lexa replies heartedly._

_Few minutes later Clarke speaks again, “Lexa?”_

_Lexa just hums and Clarke adds, “Je t’aime,” (I love you,) Lexa’s heart stops. She knows she cares for Clarke she always defends her and misses her when they don’t see each other some weekends and she adores her, she adores her best friend but she never felt the urge to use the words well she never got to say them. It was not a familiar feeling for her, love. She doesn’t know how to feel about it._

_However, after few minutes Lexa said them back but in barely a whisper thinking that Clarke was sleeping already but Clarke did hear her, she just didn’t reply she smiled and closed her eyes._

_That night was the longest night Lexa had in her twelve years life especially when she felt someone waking her up “Lexa! Lexa!” It was Clarke and Lexa recognized her voice, it was the tone Clarke has when she is afraid._

_When Clarke feels Lexa stirring she adds, “J’ai fait un cauchemard,” (I had a nightmare,) Lexa sits on her bed and rubs the sleep from her eyes._

_“Tu veux qu’on laisse la lumière allumer?”_ _(You want to leave the lights on?) Lexa asks._

_“Non, je veux dormir avec toi,” (No, I want to sleep with you,) Clarke replies making Lexa uncomfortable she keeps silent then Clarke adds in an almost crying voice ,“Please!” (S’il te plait!)_

_Lexa lays back in the bed leaving more than enough space for Clarke to join her. Her best friend hops on the bed with her and under Lexa’s blanket._

_“Lexa, ta main s’il te plait!”_ _(Lexa, your hand please!) Clarke asks._

_Lexa complies and gives Clarke her hand to reassure her and Clarke holds it against her chest and scoots closer to her._

_Lexa feels a little bit uncomfortable but the warmth in her heart is greater and makes her forget about her discomfort she falls asleep again with a smile on her face._

_The morning brings another surprise for Lexa when she wakes up with a weird feeling between her legs. An unwelcomed surprise as she never had to experience it that way, with a body pressed against her._

_It happened to her before, to wake up with little morning boners but it quickly disappeared when she peed. Yet, now it is different, warm and pleasurable almost. Her hips jerk subconsciously in her sleep and it feels good, her eyes open widely she is frightened and her heart beats furiously against her chest. Clarke’s arm is wrapped around her keeping her tight against her._

_Clarke’s face is covered with her hair, her breath is light and even she is still asleep and she didn’t feel Lexa’s hips jerk against her. Lexa’s breathing is still agitated she tries to free herself from Clarke’s arm but only makes it worse. Clarke stirs and holds her tighter._

_Lexa pushes a strand of blond hair away from Clarke’s face and blue eyes smiles at her ,“Bonjour”, (Good morning,) Lexa felt like her heart was going to explode._

_“Bonjour, Clarke. S’il te plait tu peux me lâcher?”_ _(Good morning, Clarke. Please, can you let go of me?) Lexa asks._

_“Non,” (No,) Clarke shakes her head._

_“Clarke, je veux aller au toilette,” (Clarke,_ _I wanna go to the toilet,) Lexa asks shyly hoping Clarke will let go of her._

_“Emm,” Clarke pouts then frees Lexa who runs to the bathroom._

_When Lexa comes back to Clarke’s room she finds Clarke asleep she changes and leaves the present she got for Clarke under the Christmas tree and walks out of the Griffin’s household without letting know any of Clarke’s parents._

_Of course when Clarke wakes up and asks her mother where Lexa is, Abby freaks out and calls Gustus who ends up punishing her for not informing Clarke’s parents and tells her that he will never allow her to sleep over again._

_He didn’t let her explain of course and what could she have told him? She was not even sure what happened. She didn’t care much about sleepovers because she preferred her secret is safe and so was Clarke. She didn’t want her to know and reject her which means she will lose her best friend._

_Lexa avoided Clarke for more than a week and even after they were back to school, Clarke waited for her at the ‘Collége’ as Clarke is ten and still attends the ‘Ecole élémentaire’ with her father but Lexa walked away._

_Clarke run after her and insisted to talk to her but Lexa refused because she was barely able to look at Clarke. She was ashamed, she knew she felt something for Clarke that she shouldn’t or thought that she shouldn’t and she was disgusted with herself and the way her hips jerked against Clarke and the fact that she liked the feeling only made it worse for her. She spent the whole week thinking about it and it only aggravated her further. She spent the whole week hating herself._

_Her heart aches when she hears Clarke screaming her name asking her to slow down and she finally gives up._

_“Quoi?” (What?) She lets out harshly then intended._

_Clarke looks at her angrily, “Pourquoi tu ne veux pas me parler, je suis ta meilleure amie, ” (Why don’t you want to talk to me, I am your best friend,) Clarke asks._

_“Laisse moi tranquil," (Leave me alone,) Lexa replies and leaves._

_She didn’t know where it came from but she was afraid. An additional week ignoring Clarke was the worst, hardest and stupidest thing Lexa has done. She missed her best friend so much she was feeling miserable that she decided to go and ask for forgiveness._

_“Clarke,” Lexa calls her best friend warily, Clarke looks at her but doesn’t reply._

_Lexa tries again and Clarke looks away Lexa decides to try again, she would beg to get Clarke talk to her again, she misses her._

_Clarke walks with hurried footsteps but Lexa easily catches her, she stops her taking her hand, “Je suis désolé, Clarke,” (I am sorry, Clarke,) Lexa says._

_“Ne me parle pas,” (Don’t talk to me,) Clarke insists pouting._

_“S’il te plait, Clarke!” (Please, Clarke!) Lexa begs._

_Clarke’s lower lip tremble “Tu m’as laissé toute seule le matin de noël" (You left me alone on Christmas morning)._

_"Je sais et je suis sincèrement désolé._ _Je te promets qu’on passera chaque noël ensemble," (I know and I am deeply sorry. I promise we will spend each Christmas together,) Lexa replies forgetting that her father told her that he will never allow her to sleep over again, she replies hopeful and determined to fulfill her promise but naively not knowing what the future holds._

_“Promet le moi solennellement," (Promise it solemnly,) Clarke demands._

_Lexa nods and despite being always clean and never letting her clothes dirty she lowers herself on one knee and says, "Je te jure loyauté, Clarke la folle princesse._ _Je fais vœux de te protéger, de passer tous les prochains noëls de notre vie ensemble, et je promets qu’on restera les meilleures amies au monde," (I swear fealty to you, Clarke Crazy princess._ _I vow to protect you, to spend all our future Christmas’ together and I promise that we will be the best friends in the world,) Lexa says in one breath and then waits for Clarke to say something._

_Clarke is flabbergasted, she blinks few time then gives her best friend a nod and presents her hand to help her stand up, “De toutes façons je ne te laisserais jamais tombé,” (Anyway, I’ll never leave you,) Clarke promises back and takes her best friend in a hug._

_Lexa smiles happy that Clarke accepted her apologies, she intertwines their hands and they walk back home unaware that they will both break their promises._

_Clarke never knew why Lexa left that Christmas morning and she never asked her best friend much to Lexa’s comfort._

**Present time, year 2017;**

**Lexa’s mansion, in the living-room**

Clarke’s heart clenches painfully she wants to share with them what she had with Lexa but she can’t. She feels sorry for her childhood best friend, now she understands her cold and weird behavior thanks to Raven. However, it doesn’t explain the decision to not tell the truth and worse to ignore completely her existence and all the years they shared being together.

By now a storm of toxic emotions is brewing into her heart and she can’t think properly about any reason that may push Lexa to act this way she should be the one ignoring Lexa because she was the one who left her, not the other way around.

She wants badly to give her the benefit of the doubt, she wants badly to rekindle their friendship but the way Lexa is acting and being mean to her is only making her regret her naivety.

Clarke is interrupted from her thoughts by Anya’s voice, “Raven, I think you should let Lexa tell the story of how her and Costia met.” Clarke looks at Anya who smirks viciously at her.

She didn’t hear Raven tell her about how Lexa and Costia met, she grits her teeth for letting thoughts about Lexa take all her focus so easily. She smiles fakely at Anya but says nothing.

“I’m sure Lexa wouldn’t mind sharing, you guys connected pretty quickly,” Anya lets out an innuendo that cut the only remaining string of control Clarke was holding to.

“What the fuck are you insinuating?” Clarke spats.

Raven looks at Clarke in shock the woman who was nice and smiling just lost her shit and for no apparent reason. “Clarke?” She asks.

“Shut up, Raven!” Clarke lashes out at her too and Raven’s jaw drops.

All Anya do is smile mischievously at Clarke to irritate her, “I think you know what I am talking about,” She replies calmly.

Raven looks at Anya and gets it, she did something, there is something that happened and she was not aware of.

“What’s going on Anya?” Raven asks knowing that Anya might be a bitch sometimes especially when it comes to her friends and family. She remembers that Anya talked about the possibility that Clarke is a gold digger and that’s why she is going to marry Finn and all it comes clear to her about Anya’s questions about Clarke’s family.

Clarke looks at Anya waiting to hear what she is going to answer to her friend but Anya flashes her a smile and a wink, “You should ask Clarke.”

“Anya, Clarke is fine. She’s not a gold digger. I checked, she’s fine,” Raven replies bluntly.

“What?” Clarke frowns. She was not sure if she heard well.

“It’s not about that Raven,” Anya replies.

“A gold digger? A fucking gold digger? Is this what you think I am?” Clarke lets out angrily standing up and looking down at them but they wouldn’t meet her eyes both were silent and then she realizes that the sounds of footsteps approaching she understands.

She looks back and sees her fiancé with Lexa and her girlfriend walking towards the opened door of the living-room.

Clarke takes a deep breath trying to recompose herself. She doubts she will manage to do it because she knows her eyes and face are like a fucking canvas to her emotions. In addition, she is not ready to face anything and she is not ready to look at Lexa again.

Lexa who betrayed her, Lexa who left her back then and now again to people she calls her friends who are now only attacking her. Lexa keeps on dishonoring her promise to protect her and always be her best friend.

Back then, Lexa promised her protection and now she is the one Clarke needs protection from, she and her friends. She feels on the edge, she wants to break down and cry, she feels helpless like a caged animal and she wants to break free to leave the mansion, to leave her future, which is now linked to her haunting past that keeps hurting her.

“I hope you guys are hungry,” Costia says joyfully the second she steps in while Lexa is looking at her friends who looked tense then her eyes go to Clarke and it is obvious that she was angry and afraid? Terrified? Something very similar as Lexa still recognizes it even after all these years she takes subconsciously few steps to make sure that it is not her memory which is toying with her vision.

Clarke notices the way Lexa was staring at her, and she looks away, takes her phone and fidgets with it and she sends a text to her best friend Octavia.

Lexa feels guilty. She knows Anya is ferocious and suspecting Clarke to be a gold digger. Adding to it, she caught her backing her against the wall, which was not really helpful for Clarke. She also knows Anya is not one to bite her tongue. She shouldn’t have left Clarke alone with her. She was part of it and Clarke shouldn’t be the only one to be blamed.

“I’m always hungry for you Cos,” Raven winks and walks towards the redhead, Lexa looks away from Clarke to her friend and says, “Raven, stop flirting with my woman.” They all laugh but Clarke, Anya stands up and walks towards her friends leaving Clarke still standing by the sofa.

“Lead the way beautiful,” Raven says to Costia hooking their arms together. Finn does the same with Anya leaving Clarke and Lexa behind.

Lexa’s eyes are on Clarke who doesn’t flinch, when she hears their steps far enough she tears her eyes away from her phone and blue eyes lock with green ones for a second just enough to show her anger and hurt.

She waits for her to say something, anything about what happened with Anya but Clarke can’t see her. Lexa barely hears Clarke, “I need a drink,” She blurts out.

Instead of following them, Clarke goes back to the mini-bar and gulps her drink, she left earlier and pours another one not sparing a glare at Lexa.

She is going to need liquor courage to deal with being around her Fiancé’s ex, the frightening woman Anya, Lexa her ex-many things along with Costia her ex’s actual girlfriend. Lexa eyes her for a moment then decides to join her friends leaving Clarke alone.

Clarke studies Lexa’s back who is leaving the living-room. She wants to talk to her, she want to tell her how much she missed her. She wants to apologize for not being there when she needed her, she wants to tell her about all her life, all the little things she had to live and go through without her best friend but she can’t. The pain in her chest was suffocating everything else so instead she wants to hate her.

Lexa made it clear that she doesn’t want to have anything with her anymore, even worse she is ok with ignoring her existence and even betraying all what they had and ignoring the reality they had.

Clarke takes a deep breath and thinks about Finn. Finn is her future, Finn is the man she said yes to. Finn is her fiancé, Finn is her best friend, her future husband and she must think about him and be as strong Lexa is, and ignore her too. Finn would never leave her, he is loyal, loving and caring.

Thinking about Finn and all of this gives her the strength she needs to deal with tonight’s dinner. She shouldn’t have come but yet her naivety and heart told her that if she talks to Lexa maybe she will understand why she is hiding the truth, but to no avail. She gave Lexa the opportunity to break her heart once again, only now it is harsher because she told her face to face that she is ignoring her existence.

She decides to be civil the rest of the night and hide her anger but once home, she will tell Finn everything from the day she met Lexa to the last night she slept in her arms. The way his best friends were treating her like shit, the gold digger thing, everything. She walks out of the living-room and walks through the mansion but she can’t find the damn dining room or where her friends went.

She huffs and regrets for not following them, she walks through the mansion then she passes through Lexa’s office. Its door was partly opened, and she could see the decorated walls that caught her attention. She checks if anyone was coming and when she sees nothing she steps in pushing lightly the door after her.

Her eyes roam first the whole office, it was neatly arranged then she walks towards the framed pictures on the wall. She studies every picture and frowns, seeing pictures of Lexa with her mother. She knows it is Lexa, who else would it be? She will always recognize those green eyes. Always.

She stops at the sight of one of the pictures that was in the middle, Lexa was a toddler and with her mom it was the picture of her 3rd birthday Clarke lips curls in a smile and she takes her phone and takes a picture of it.

She watches the pictures intently then leaves the office pushing back the door as she found it and finds Titus the oddly robotic looking man standing right in front of her.

“You got lost Madame?” Titus asks seriously.

“Yeah, where's the dining room?” Clarke asks.

“Follow me,” The man says after taking few steps.

Clarke walks in the dining room and finds them about to start. All seated, Lexa was sitting between Finn and Anya while facing Costia and Raven. She tries to avoid meeting Lexa and Anya’s gazes, she sits and looks into her fiancé’s face focusing hard on him.

The dinner goes well, mostly. She is not asked any question and they give her space. She barely interact with anyone except with Costia who serves her and smiles at her friendly so she forces the most honest smile she could manage being in her situation, Lexa’s eyes never leaves her or Costia once but she does her best to not look back into her eyes. After what she has been through tonight and the spiteful words she was told she is not going to spare anyone anything.

Just as it went at her place, Finn and Costia talk about recipes when she hears Finn saying, “Clarke tried to have cooking classes but failed to, tell them about it,” He laughs.

Clarke smiles at him not happy to be included into a conversation. “Yes, but it was a long time ago,” She simply replies trying to end the conversation.

“Since you have free time now, you should come to my restaurant. I’ll give you some lessons,” Costia suggests friendly, Lexa’s eyes are back on Clarke waiting to see her reaction.

“Thank you, but I don’t want to be a burden,” Clarke replies honestly between all of the people in the dining room everyone was being infuriating except Costia. Ironic.

“Come on’ I’d love to spend more time with you Clarke. I think we could be great friends,” Costia taps her hand on Clarke’s arm. Anya lets out a chuckle and Lexa doesn’t miss it.

“Thank you, really,” Clarke says.

“So is that a yes?” Finn asks, Clarke smiles at him and nods.

“Thank you, Costia. Clarke doesn’t have many friends around the city and she needs to take someone else than me to shop for the wedding because...” Finn jokes when Clarke interrupts him.

“Don’t worry Finn, O and Bellamy already volunteered to help me,” Clarke lets out angrily.

“I’m ok with O being around but Bellamy? Nah uh,” Finn replies mouthful.

“Clarke, I’d be glad to help really,” Costia says noticing Clarke’s temper shifting.

“Thank you, Costia,” Clarke politely shuts her up and looks at Finn. “Bellamy is my best friend, Finn,” She spits out and her eyes can’t help looking at Lexa.

“Well, I don’t really like him he stares a lot,” Finn replies shamelessly and it only aggravates Clarke further. She needs him to be in her side, not help them making her crazy.

Clarke takes her glass and drinks all of it then puts the glass back on the table while all eyes are on her. Costia and Lexa exchange a knowing look they want to stop the engaged couple bickering and Lexa was feeling worse about Clarke. She knows what it is, to be in a room full of people who you barely know. In addition, Clarke has had enough for tonight with her and she is sure Anya has something to do with Clarke’s anger.

She nods lightly at her girlfriend and they both stand up, “Desert?” Costia asks cheerily before going back to the kitchen.

“What happened there?” Costia asks the second they step into the kitchen.

“I don’t know,” Lexa replies.

“Clarke was fine before we left to the kitchen. I don’t get it why she is so angry,” Costia says while setting the last details of the desert.

“I didn’t notice,” Lexa lies.

“Maybe she’s stressed about the wedding preparations. After all, she was really against the idea of your offer,” Costia says.

“Maybe,” Lexa shrugs.

“You should listen and talk to them,” Costia suggests.

“I will,” Lexa replies.

After desert, Clarke asks Finn to leave but he ignores her so they end up staying even later then Anya and Raven. Clarke felt a little bit more comfortable after they left so she didn’t insist further.

They spent the evening talking about the old days, Costia was in heavens and it was clearly visible in the way she laughed heartedly at Finn and Lexa’s anecdotes. Clarke was barely listening to them, she spent her time texting Octavia.

Lexa didn’t miss it her eyes were all on Clarke of course. She really wanted to know who was having Clarke’s attention though, but she quickly looked away when she felt Costia’s hand on her lap. She shouldn’t be thinking about Clarke, she really shouldn’t.

“Excuse me!” Lexa’s thoughts are only broken by one voice, Clarke’s.

“Costia, I need to use the bathroom,” Clarke barely says when Lexa replies, “I’ll take you.” She stands up and Clarke looks frantically at her ‘ _what the hell is she doing now? Is it how she ignores me?’_ Clarke tells to herself confused.

She nods seriously and follows Lexa, they walk through the mansion silently. When they get there Lexa gestures at the door in front of them Clarke puts her hand on the door handle when she feels Lexa’s hand on her wrist.

Clarke looks at Lexa’s hand instead of looking at her, she doubts she can trust herself enough to not break down if she looks into Lexa’s eyes again.

She tries to free herself but Lexa squeezes harder. “Clarke,” She lets out in a firm tone, “What did Anya tell you?”

“Don’t touch me,” Clarke lets out harshly interrupting Lexa and jerking her hand harder this time, but Lexa manages to keep her death grip and when Clarke lifts her other hand to push her, she catches the other one as well. Clarke’s heart stops, what is Lexa doing? What does she want from her? She finally meets Clarke’s blue eyes and her heart clenches sorely at the sight, large tears brimmed in her blue eyes.

Lexa’s blinks realizing the proximity between them, she didn’t realize that the roles are reversed now as she is the one backing Clarke against the bathroom door. Her eyes travels Clarke’s face, she missed her face, and she missed her eyes and the mole on her lips. She missed Clarke. She forgot about everything that happened earlier this evening, the blue of Clarke’s eyes still has the same effect on her years later.

Her gaze is back on Clarke’s lips when she sees a tear rolling down Clarke’s cheek it gets her attention she releases Clarke’s hands and takes a steps back as if Clarke’s hands were burning embers.

Clarke looks into Lexa’s eyes angrily, “I can defend myself from your minion Lexa,” Clarke lets out. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her anything.”

Clarke opens the bathroom door and locks it behind her, she lets out the tears that were blurring her vision then tries to control her breathing. She takes longer than she should then tries to make her face presentable before going back there.

When she opens the door she finds Lexa still waiting for her, she walks without acknowledging her presence then just before they get in the living-room she hears Lexa whispering, “I’m sorry.” but her footsteps don’t flatter.

Once they were back with their partners Finn asks Lexa about the surprise and she smiles at him and replies, “It’s not here, I keep it safely in my office building. When you have time just come by.”

“Maybe I’ll come tomorrow,” Finn nods.

“What about our cooking lessons, Clarke?” Costia asks.

“I don’t think I can make it this week. I’ve plans with my best friend Octavia but I’ll call you. Here!” Clarke replies giving Costia her phone to save her number.

“Your father?” Costia asks seeing the screen of her phone, Lexa’s eyes dart down and then back at Clarke who nods with a sad smile.

“He has the same blue eyes as yours. You seem pretty close,” Costia compliments giving her back her phone. It was the last picture she took with him before he died. “We were,” Clarke replies.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Costia quickly corrects herself.

“That’s ok, he died when I was sixteen. It hurts but not as much as before though,” Clarke replies and Lexa’s heart bleeds. She didn’t know Jake died, somehow she always hoped that she would see him again.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa says voicing louder her first apology, Clarke looks at her seriously without saying anything.

“We should leave, Finn,” Clarke says feeling exhausted and Finn nods.

“Thank you Costia for the delicious dinner, and the culinary tips I really appreciate them,” Finn gives his hand for Costia to shake.

“Anytime, Finn,” Costia politely replies while shaking his hand then she leans and whispers something to Lexa.

“Clarke, could you please come to my office when you’re free so we can talk about the wedding?” Lexa says almost robotically.

Clarke raises her eyebrow, “Who said I agreed, Lexa?” Clarke replies.

“Clarke,” Finn tries to calm his fiancé but she ignores him looking defiantly at Lexa.

“No one, it will give us the opportunity to discuss it,” Lexa shrugs.

Clarke frowns as if she is trying to understand what Lexa is planning. “We’ll see about that,” Clarke’s only reply is.

“Ok, that’s intense. I need you to kiss and make up I can’t have my girls on each other’s throat each time we try to spend time together,” Finn says.

“Finn!” Lexa warns him to shut up.

“We’re not gonna kiss and make up,” Clarke looks at Lexa with a raised eyebrow. “Because we’re not on each other’s throat. We’ll talk about the wedding later, right Lexa?” Clarke fakes a smile at the brunette who mirrors her smile, “Clarke is right, Finn. We will.”

“Good, now let’s go home,” Clarke looks at Finn angrily then she leans in and gives Costia a hug. “Costia, thank you for your hospitality. I’ll do my best to free myself for this week.”

“My pleasure, Clarke,” Costia replies and Lexa’s heart clenches jealously.


	4. Chapter 4

**Present time, Finn’s and Clarke’s apartment**

**Bedroom;**

_It feels different, good, and maybe familiar? Or not but definitely welcomed by the way her walls are clamping around the warm throbbing shaft pounding inside her._

_The thrusts are deliciously slow yet firm, she is not used to that rhythm. It is a new sensation and it is very stimulating._

_Clarke’s chest is heaving, she barely can breathe with the weight of the body on top of her but she doesn’t mind, the skin is soft and the feeling is addictive and so good that she is left panting. She wants to touch the skin, to taste it, to bite it, to scratch it to suck at it but she can’t._

_She tried to move her hands and reach for the hot soft skin but slender fingers has a death grip on her wrists. The warm breathing against her neck is distracting and it is causing goose bumps to her skin. Something else is tickling her face, her neck and her cheek, it is tender and familiar like her hair but at the same time not hers._

_Clarke is on the edge she is so close but something is missing. She can’t reach her orgasm, it is frustrating yet so good. She wants to scream ‘harder’ ‘faster’ and maybe she will get there but she is barely able to function._

_In addition, she doesn’t want to cum yet. She wants this feeling to last longer, she never get to relish because all her partners are not caring as this one and she knows that she will be too exhausted to go back to it again right after finishing._

_Her senses are enhanced, she can feel her partner is close as the breathing against her neck is uneven almost frantic. Unexpectedly, she feels a wet tongue trailing her neck, she wants to open her eyes but her body does something else._

_She throws her head back on the bed exposing her neck further for the now assaulting tongue. This is what is missing to drive her to the edge, almost. She bites down her own lip because the feeling is so fucking good and strong._

_Her lips part and a throaty moan escapes them before she can stop it. She is not in control of her body anymore, she is so turned on, focused on the way her orgasm is building up. She is not in control because her mind is blurred by the maddening sensations all over her body due to her heightened senses._

_The body on top of her is leaving her helpless in the best way possible. She had never been fucked thoroughly like that. With so much lust, torture, care and something else. Something she can’t put her mind to because Fuck. She is busy enjoying everything to care about semantics._

_She feels the tongue stops reaching her ear, she could feel now teeth nipping at her earlobe and then sweet kisses gazing her jaw and then it happens._

_Clarke feels soft lips gazing her own, the kiss is soft and languorous contrasting everything she is feeling in her body especially the new pace of the thrusts that are now faster and Clarke could tell she is going to cum._

_The lips are intriguingly soft and plump. Her own lips seem to recognize them as they are moving naturally against them but then they part from the kiss and she hears her name “Clarke, look at me” She doesn’t know how and why but she does have control of her body now. It is like the familiar voice is allowing her, is commanding her._

_Her eyes open and meet green. Familiar green eyes, Lexa’s green eyes. Lexa’s face, Lexa’s body on top of her, inside of her and controlling her._

_Fuck!_

_Wrong, it is wrong. What the hell is she doing? She is engaged to Finn._

Finn!

Clarke opens her eyes and realizes that it was only a dream yet it seemed so real, even her body felt it, still feels it. Heat is radiating between her legs along with the pulsation of her clit and now her very wet panties. She turns to see if Finn is awake or not and finds his side of the bed cold. She blinks few times and rubs her sleepy eyes.

Right. She forgot about last night's argument and how she pushed him when he tried to make love to her.

**_Last night, after dinner_ **

**_Finn's place_ **

_On their way back home, Clarke kept staring at her phone, put the music on, and turned the volume up to avoid talking to Finn or giving him the opportunity to exasperate her further. She has had enough for a month long, outraging and negative feelings in one night and she was kind of mad at him for not protecting her and being clueless._

_So when they stepped in their apartment, Clarke went straight to the bathroom and purposely took all her time to avoid talking to him, hoping that when she goes to bed he will be fast asleep._

_Of course, Finn wasn't going to let it go. Her behavior surprised him not in the good way she usually is nice and friendly so he doesn't understand why she was acting like that with his family. He has no idea why his fiancé dislikes the only family he has which counts only Lexa, Anya and Raven._

_Clarke walks into the bedroom, she grits her teeth when she sees Finn very much awake, she was tired both emotionally and physically and not ready to carry a conversation or any kind of interaction._

_She walks silently to her closet, takes her pyjamas and put it on then gets under the blanket and faces the other way, her back to Finn._

_"Come on' Clarke," Finn lets out annoyed, she rolls her eyes. She is not ready to do this, not tonight._

_"Clarke, I'm talking to you," Finn's voice is firmer now._

_"What?" Clarke snaps at him. When she turns to look at him she finds him shocked. She never talked or snapped at him this way._

_"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asks confused then when he sees that she wasn't going to answer he added, "I was enjoying my time with Alex and my friends and you ruined it."_

_Clarke looks at him in disbelief, 'he did not go there. No, no. He did not just say that. I ruined it' She thinks to herself but only says, "Finn, not right now please. I need to sleep." Clarke tried to turn but he wouldn't let her._

_He scoots closer to her, wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her closer to him. He looks down at her eyes filled with love, his hands wander under her t-shirt._

_"Finn!" Clarke tries to have his attention but to no avail she could feel him hard, grinding softly against her hip now and his lips are on her breasts over the fabric._

_Her eyes shut close the feeling of Finn’s lips on her is soothing but he quickly leaves her nipples and then she feels his tongue trailing a wet patch along her neck then when he reaches her ear he whispers, "I'm sorry."_

_The word triggers something in Clarke, she sees green eyes, Lexa's green eyes so close to her just like barely two hours ago and just like when she backed her against the bathroom door Lexa’s green eyes looked down at her lips asking for permission and her eyes shot open and she pushes him._

_"Clarke?" Finn is hurt at the rejection, he doesn't understand why she is like that. Only this morning she was fine._

_"Please, not tonight," Clarke replies and it only sparks his anger once again._

_"Why?" Finn lets out angrily. “What happened? Why are you so..." He doesn't find his words and lets out a sigh before adding, "I was having a great time catching up with my family, they are my family, Clarke. And I missed them and you were all..."_

_"Say it," Clarke lets out defiantly adding, "Ruined it, I ruined it. Is that what you were going to say, Finn?" Clarke's voice was raising a pitch higher._

_Finn stares into her blue eyes for a moment then walks out of the bedroom angrily heading to the bathroom then when he comes back he turns off the lights and sleeps._

_Clarke’s mind was racing. She couldn’t stop thinking about what happened with Lexa. After all these years, she still can’t control herself around her. How is it possible? Where did all her maturity go?_

_Clarke didn’t understand why did Lexa apologize? Did she apologize for the pain she caused her more than ten years ago? Or did she apologize for ignoring her and hurting her all over again?_

_Clarke is puzzled. What did Lexa mean by ‘ **Not everyone, not you**_ **_’_** _? A minute she tells her she is fine ignoring her and acting like they had never been friends before and the next minute she hints that she is still someone special for whom Lexa lets her walls down for. Is it even possible that Lexa still cares for Clarke?_

_‘ **Absolutely not’** Clarke thinks to herself otherwise she wouldn’t rub her friendships at her face and invite them to irritate her. Not to mention her relationship with Costia while easily displaying her affection publicly and exposing her like a fucking trophy. Exactly a trophy for her fucking skills with so many bruises that Costia had hard time to hide with makeup. If she cared she wouldn’t do any of that because it is nothing like her, nothing Lexa would do or be comfortable with._

_Maybe, she is not the Lexa she knew. Or maybe, she doesn’t know her anymore but this thought is unacceptable for Clarke and she quickly shoos it away._

_Clarke is afraid. Afraid of Lexa. Why did Lexa back her against the door like she was going to take her right there? Why did she grab her wrists so tightly and stared at her lips? Is there a chance that Lexa wanted her? Wanted to kiss her?_

_‘ **Of course not!** ’ She just wanted her to reply to her question, worried that her secret was out. Nothing else._

_Clarke is clueless. What is Lexa doing to her? Is she going to haunt and control her even when she is intimate with her fiancé? She wants to hate her, she really wants it because she doesn’t know how else is she going to regain control over herself and not think about her all the time._

_She spends the night thinking about Lexa, the bruises on Costia’s skin, Lexa’s green eyes looking at her lips and Lexa’s words._

**Present time;**

**Finn’s and Clarke’s apartment**

Clarke pushes herself out of bed and gets in the bathroom for a quick shower then goes to the kitchen. Finn was sipping his coffee and watching news on TV. He saw her coming in but he didn’t flinch. He is angry.

Clarke hesitates for a moment then “Good morning,” She says softly out of guilt. She knows it was unfair to lash out at him like she did while he had no idea what she went through that evening and he was not aware of anything that was happening to her.

She said ‘ _Good morning’_ softly out of guilt. Guilt because she felt like she is cheating on him. She woke up from a steamy dream with someone else, someone who is his sister. She woke up soaking wet and turned on and her body craved Lexa in her dream.

“Morning,” Finn is clearly angry and hurt.

Clarke’s heart aches, she never meant to hurt Finn. She pours herself a cup of coffee and sips from it while sitting silently with him.

When she sees him about to leave she reaches for his hand and stops him. He looks back at her waiting to hear what she is about to say but nothing. Clarke stands up and wraps her arms around his shoulders and nuzzles against his neck. Finn doesn’t move, he doesn’t pull her in closer as he always does until he feels her lips placing a soft kiss.

She leans back her head and looks at him eyes full of regret “I’m sorry,” She apologizes for more than one reason. She has a lot to apologize for now thanks to Lexa.

“Did you sleep well?” Finn asks his arms around her waist.

“No,” Clarke whispers.

“Me neither,” Finn whispers back with a sad smile.

“Do you have to leave now?” Clarke asks him while pushing her hand down the hem of his shorts.

“Alex is waiting for me;” He replies and Clarke’s heart rages. Again, Lexa. But she can’t let it show at least for Finn’s sake. She nods and kisses him.

“We should talk when I get back,” He says and Clarke forces a smile. “Of course,” She replies.

What is she going to tell him? The truth? Lie? Everything? She has to think about it for the day before he comes back. She takes her phone and checks it finding several texts from Octavia informing her that she coming over.

She remembers the texts she left her when she was at Lexa’s place, desperate text messages and smiles. Octavia is always here for her even if they haven’t been friends for so long.

**_Last night, after dinner;_ **

**_Lexa’s mansion, Lexa’s office;_ **

****

****

_Costia waited for almost half an hour for Lexa to join her in bed but to no avail so she decided to take the matter in her hands. She put her nightgown with nothing underneath it, let her hair loose knowing that Lexa loves her hair and walked to her office._

_She didn’t bother to knock, she pushed the door and got in. Lexa was sitting in her chair smiling down at her hands. Costia can’t tell what she has in her hands that were on her lap._

_She takes two steps when Lexa notices her presence and jolts, opening the drawer and throwing whatever she had in her hands and smiling at her girlfriend._

_“What is it?” Costia asks._

_“Nothing,” Lexa shakes her head. “Come here.”_

_Costia smiles and walks to her girlfriend, sits on her lap and wraps her arms around her shoulders. Lexa’s arms are around Costia’s waist and she looks up at her. “You’re beautiful,” She lets out in a whisper._

_Costia looks down at Lexa’s plump lips and smiles. She loves Lexa’s lips, she adores them. She leans in and pecks them tenderly._

_“You are…beautiful,” Costia replies caressing Lexa’s lips with her thumbs._

_“Thank you for everything,” Lexa says genuinely, “For being you, for being here with me.”_

_“Thank you for having me.”_

_“You couldn’t sleep?”_

_“I was waiting for you,” Costia replies._

_“Sorry, I sometimes forget myself with work;” Lexa excuses herself. Costia smiles knowing that it has nothing to do with work. She was just sitting alone._

_“You seem off,” Costia comments._

_Lexa doesn’t reply she can’t lie to Costia, she is thoughtful. She didn’t say a word since Clarke and Finn left. She looks at her for a moment then says, “Just tired.” and claims her lips avoiding to talk further._

_Costia moans when she feels Lexa’s hand on her skin going up between her legs._

_‘Fuck!’ Lexa breathes out when she finds out that Costia isn’t wearing any panties._

_Costia laughs and leans back.Dirty huh?” She raises her eyebrow causing Lexa to blush._

_“Maybe,” Lexa replies.“I couldn’t tear my eyes off of you tonight,” She says after kissing Costia’s breasts._

_“You looked…” Lexa looks up from Costia’s breasts to her eyes then adds, “Fuckable.”_

_“Oh, really?” Costia asks and Lexa nods leaning back to Costia’s breast and laps her tongue on the fabric right over the nipple making Costia’s head fall back and she pushes her chest further in Lexa’s face._

_When Lexa hums while her mouth is around her nipple, Costia feels the heat coiling down between her legs._

_Lexa takes all her time with Costia’s breasts until Costia gets enough, she cups her girlfriend’s face in her hands and looks into her green eyes and asks her to fuck her and she complies._

_Costia enjoys every thrust, lick, kiss, and bite despite her discomfort on the hard wood of Lexa’s desk because Lexa never fucked her elsewhere than in a bed. Because Lexa rarely loses herself like tonight._

_She was tired but she would have Lexa whenever if it meant she could have her so passionately._

_After coming down from their orgasms Lexa puts her clothes back on and helps Costia with her nightgown and she walks her to bed._

_When they get under the sheets, Lexa unlikely is the one to cuddle into Costia. She scoots lower so she can bury her face into her girlfriend’s chest and Costia pulls her closer loving Lexa’s tenderness._

**Present time, Lexa’s mansion;**

**Lexa’s bedroom**

Costia is the first one to wake up, she gets in the shower and smiles seeing the new bruises Lexa left on her chest. She walks back to the bedroom her smile on her face when she hears Lexa’s sleepy voice, “Morning, beautiful.”

She looks at her and smiles. “Morning babe,” Costia replies walking back to the bed to kiss Lexa.

Lexa takes the opportunity and pulls Costia back in bed on top of her. She deepens the kiss and tries to free Costia’s body from the towel wrapped around her but Costia resists trying to free herself from Lexa’s arms then chuckles when she feels her girlfriend’s hips jerk up looking for some friction. “Lexa!” She lets out in a warning tone trying hard not to laugh.

“Stay,” She asks.

“I can’t, I have a lot to do today,” Costia explains, “And I think my breasts need some healing.” She looks down at her breasts and pushes the towel to show Lexa.

Lexa’s eyes widen and before she can say anything Costia reassures her, “I loved it, don’t worry.” She smiles then adds, “I didn’t know that you were into boobs that much.”

Lexa’s heart stops, she lost herself in Costia’s breasts while she has never done it before. She knows why, she knows the reason but she doesn’t want to think about it.

“I’m not, I got carried away,” She lies.

“Again, Lexa. I loved it,” Costia smiles to her girlfriend to reassure her.

**Present time, Lexa’s office building;**

**Conference room;**

Lexa takes all her time to listen to the last presentation she even asks questions and engage into unimportant conversations with her employee because she knows Anya is waiting for everyone to leave to talk to her and she dreads it. She didn’t even think about what she could tell her. The truth? Never.

What is between her and Clarke, what **_was_** between her and Clarke is her secret. She can’t tell anyone about her, she doesn’t want to tell anyone about Clarke. She doesn’t want to talk about the past or about Clarke. Hell she even refused to talk to Clarke.

Anya is sitting and taping nervously with her pen on the table. She needs to talk to Lexa and she noticed the way Lexa is unusually lingering on stupid details while she never did before. She knows Lexa, she knows she is trying to avoid her and it only fuels her doubts more so she waits until her colleague ends and Lexa dismisses them.

“Lexa,” Anya is the first one to speak she knows if she does not Lexa will leave and try to avoid her.

“Anya?” Lexa smiles at her. “You seem nervous,” She remarks.

“I didn’t sleep well,” Anya replies and before Lexa says anything she adds, “And you know why?”

Lexa raises her eyebrow. “Why?” She asks back.

“Because I don’t like Clarke, she is…” Anya thinks for a moment then continues, “She's hiding something.”

Lexa’s heart beat races, she is the one hiding something and she is the one pushing Clarke to hide something. She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly and replies, “Clarke is not a gold digger.”

“You seem to know a lot about her,” Anya comments.

“You’re being paranoid.”

“Paranoid?” Anya repeats, looking defiantly into her eyes.

“Why are you stressing about Clarke? I mean Finn is old enough and he doesn’t know about the letters yet. No one knows except us,” Lexa explains. “How could she even know about what my father left him and wants to take it?” She asks trying to make sense in her friend.

“If you say so,” Anya replies not convinced then she asks Lexa bluntly, “Is there something between you two?”

Lexa freaks out, she knows about whom Anya is talking about, Clarke. She gulps and does her best to keep a regular tone, “us two? Who?”

“You and Clarke,” Anya replies.

“What? What are you implying Anya?” Lexa asks keeping a serious frown.

“You know what I mean, Lexa. She was about to jump you right against the mini-bar,” Anya says and Lexa can’t hide her emotions anymore. Anya is pacing in the conference room looking straight into her green eyes.

“She was going to get a drink and I was on her way,” Lexa lies and manages to hide her guilt.

“Really? Then why you didn’t stop eye fucking her during dinner?” Anya asks again.

“What?” Lexa chuckles nervously. “I don’t know what you saw, Anya but I was looking at my girlfriend.”

Anya looks less tense but not convinced so Lexa adds, “Anya, you really need to stop this. You’re accusing me of eye fucking my brother’s fiancé. Are you even aware of what you’re saying?” Lexa acts amused.

“I’m sorry, Lexa,” Anya replies after hearing Lexa. She doesn’t know if she is exaggerating but she could have sworn that there’s something between the two women but Lexa would never do this. Lexa is loyal and Finn is the most important person in her life. In addition, Lexa would never lie to her, or so she does think.

“Raven is right, for once. You really need to get laid,” Lexa comments trying to ease the tension between them.

“Shut up! Costia is turning you into a new Raven...into a horny teenager,” Anya replies. “And, sex is not everything,” She adds making Lexa’s eyes widen.

“And you’re becoming a sappy paranoid,” Lexa fires back with a smile.

“Who is sappy? An? I don’t think so,” Raven interjects.

“Yes, she is. She said that sex is not everything,” Lexa looks stupefied.

“Wow!” Raven lets out surprised as well.

“I wonder who is he?” Lexa teases her best friend.

“There is no one yet,” Anya replies looking away trying to hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Is he someone I know?” Raven insists asking.

“I said there’s no he,” Anya replies looking embarrassed.

“Ow, so there’s a she. I knew…” Raven doesn’t finish when Anya snaps at her, “I said there’s no one.”

Both Raven and Lexa look in shock at their friend. Anya is not easy to lose her shit yet she just snapped at them for no reason. She lets out a huff and leaves the conference room.

“She needs to get laid,” Raven comments.

“That’s what I just told her,” Lexa replies happy that she convinced Anya and kept her secret safe.

“Miss Woods, Mr. Collins is down at the reception asking for you,” Lexa’s secretary interrupts them.

“Good, let him in. I'm expecting him,” Lexa replies politely.

“You’re going to give him the envelopes?” Raven asks Lexa knowingly.

Lexa nods, “I hope this time he will settle.”

“He will, he’s getting married,” Raven reassures her best friend. Lexa lets the words sink in and simply nods. She knows he is getting married and she knows it is to Clarke. How could she possibly forget?

She walks out of the conference room and goes to her office to wait for Finn. She takes the leather envelope that is supposed to be the surprise and puts it on her desk.

After greeting her brother, she takes him to her office and goes right into it by pushing the envelope towards him “Here is the surprise” Lexa smiles happily at him.

Finn frowns, “What is it?”

“Open it,” Lexa replies.

“No!” He shakes his head. “I told you I won’t take any of the shares, Lexa. Nothing that is Gustus’,” He replies with a firm voice.

“Finn!” Lexa lets out. “It’s not the shares I swear, I got the message the first time. Just open it,” She insists.

“Why?” Finn asks suspicious.

“Because you might never know until you open it, Finn!” Lexa says. “Remember Gustus made me believe my mother died in labor but she didn’t,” Lexa tries to explain, “He hid it from me, and I found her pictures with me and mom.”

“I know, you sent me some in your letters,” He replies with a smile.

“Exactly, so you might never know what is in the envelopes. If it’s not shares or money, it may be something that he hid from you as well,” Lexa tries to convince him.

Finn keeps silent thoughtful. “I don’t want anything to do with him, Alex. I’m sorry,” He shakes his head.

Lexa looks sadly at her brother then says, “Do it for me then.”

“Alex, please don’t make me do this,” Finn begs his sister.

“Please!” She insists.

“Alex,” He shakes his head apologetically.

“Finn!” She warns him back with a smile on her face, she knows Finn never denies her anything.

“Fine, I’ll do it but not now, Alex. After my wedding…I don’t wanna ruin anything,” He says and Lexa frowns confused.

“Nothing that comes from Gustus is good believe me and Clarke. Clarke's good and I don’t want him to ruin that for me, I don’t want to give him the power to control my life even when he is dead,” He explains.

Lexa’s heart aches, she knows that feeling. Finn is right, she had experienced it herself. Even six feet under, her father still controls her life in a way. She is taking care of his wealth, she is being the Lexa he raised and made of her. She is closed off and a mess and barely is able to have a healthy relationship because of him.

Even after his death he had the power to break her heart and harm her for months, she is still trying to cope with the fact that she knew her mother while she thought she died in labor.

He took from her so many memories, so many things and so many people among them Clarke and now Finn refuses to give him that power. She wishes she was that strong, she wishes she was strong enough to not lose what she has lost all this years and all her life.

She understands her brother and his fear to lose or ruin anything he has with Clarke. He is perceptive. She wishes she was, years ago.

“I get that,” Lexa finally replies. “I really do,” She nods.

“Thank you,” He adds, “Keep it safe for me please and I’ll open it after the wedding. Better, after the honey moon.”

Lexa feels uncomfortable, she knows if she gives Finn the opportunity he will share too much information about his intimacy or life with Clarke and she is not ready to hear that part, she doubts she ever will, “Ok let’s not talk about him and hang out. I missed my brother.”

“I missed you too,” Finn replies with a warm smile.

“We haven’t had the opportunity to spend time together,” Lexa says honestly.

“Yeah well you were busy arguing with Clarke to notice my presence,” He laughs.

“I’m sorry!” Lexa lets out. “It wasn’t intentional.”

“I’m fine, you don’t like her but I’m sure you will love her once you get to know her;” Finn replies and Lexa feels guilty at letting Finn clueless then he adds, “Just like Raven.”

Lexa smiles at her brother and nods, she doesn’t know what to say because it was not the same. Clarke is not Raven. Lexa smiles at her brother and nods, she doesn’t know what to say because it was not the same. Clarke is not Raven. Raven was his girlfriend and friend, Clarke ~~is~~ hers, **was** hers before he ever knew her.

“So, what do you think of her?” Finn asks, getting Lexa off guard.

“I…I don’t know. Does she make you happy?” She asks already knowing the answer from her past experience.

“Yes but what do you think of her? You met her twice, what were your first impressions of her?” Finn insists asking curiously. Lexa gulps, she is not ready to answer. What would be the appropriate answer in this situation? She does have an answer, many answers to be honest enough to write a book but honesty is not an option here, it is a luxury she can’t afford.

If she can afford it she would say, ‘ _I think she is special. She is a beautiful woman, a spontaneous soul, a free spirit, and a wild child. She has the purest heart, she is selfless. She is a heart, she is strong, and she is a sun. She lights up a room when she gets in it. She is perfect.’_

However, she can’t possibly use her true words so she thinks for few seconds then says, “She's beautiful, strong headed for sure.” Finn laughs and so she does. “She must be a hell of a woman to bring you back home and make you wanna settle. Even I wasn’t able to do it,” She smiles weakly at him.

“She's strong headed and unpredictable sometimes,” Finn shares with his sister thinking that she doesn’t know her.

“Why didn’t you tell me about her in your letters?” Lexa asks bluntly.

“I wanted you to meet her,” He simply replies. “You wouldn’t have thought I was serious about her.”

Lexa nods in agreement despite her inner disagreement. She can’t help thinking, ‘ _If he had told her about her maybe she would have told him that she is the one she used to talk to him about_ ’ but ‘ _If’_ s are not useful now. All she needs to care about is now, the present. She struggled for years to let go of the past, her whole life has been all but a struggle to overcome her past and live the present.

“Let’s find Anya and Raven, go out for lunch and talk more about you,” He suggests.

“Me?” Lexa smiles.“There’s nothing much to say, you met Costia,” She shrugs.

First, Lexa takes Finn to take a tour around the office building. She knows he doesn’t care about business but she wanted him to have an idea about everything because she made as much drastic and appealing changes here as she had in the mansion and the end result is worth seeing especially if he becomes her partner as she hopes he will after the wedding.

Then, she heads to Raven’s office knowing that if they don’t, Raven will probably keep them late. They find her and Anya in a heated argument.

“What’s going on?” Lexa asks the minute she steps in.

“Nothing,” Anya replies looking at Raven.

“Raven?” Lexa looks at her best friend trying to get an answer from her.

“It’s nothing, Lexa!” Raven replies echoing Anya's words.

“You guys need to get a room and get it on,” Finn jokes. “Maybe you would stop fighting.” Anya’s cheeks turn crimson red.

“I’m sorry but I love big butts and I cannot lie,” Raven replies eyeing Anya making both Lexa and Finn laugh.

“Even if I were into women, you would be the last one,” Anya deadpans.

“Come on girls let’s go out for lunch,” Finn interrupts.

**At Finn and Clarke’s apartment;**

**Living-room;**

Clarke hears the door bell and her heart races, it is Octavia. She is here already and she didn’t make up her mind on how much she would share with her about Lexa. Could she tell her the truth? How would Octavia react knowing every little detail and how Clarke is feeling? Would she blame her? Now it is too late to overthink it. She takes a deep breath, draws a smile on her face and opens the door.

“Took you long enough,” Octavia comments the minute Clarke opens the door.

“Sorry, let me help you,” Clarke replies taking the pizza from her best friend and heads to her couch. Octavia joins her and asks her in concern right away, “How are you feeling?”

Clarke shrugs, honestly she doesn’t know how she is feeling.

“That bad? What happened?”

“His best friends were there and they think I am gold digger,” She lets out chuckling.

“Why is Finn a rich bachelor or what?” Octavia asks laughing.

“No, his sister is,” Clarke replies.

“Alex?” Octavia asks and Clarke nods. She wishes she had met Alex, Finn’s sister any other person and not find out that the so called Alex is her Lexa.

“What did she tell you?” Octavia asks.

Clarke doesn’t reply to Octavia’s question instead she decides to tell the truth, part of the truth at least, “I lied to Finn, O”. She starts making her best friend frown in confusion.

“Are you cheating on him?” Octavia jumps to the conclusion and Clarke gulps shaking her head. Octavia guessed right, or at least half right but she wasn’t going to share this part neither her dream.

“I’m not cheating. I lied to him about Alex. About his sister,” Clarke elaborates.

“What about her?”

“I met her the first day she got to school, I was 6 and we became friends for years,” Clarke smiles at her own words, those years were sweet memories.

“So what?”

Clarke looks at her best friend for a moment giving her time to remember and connect the dots but it seems that Octavia forgot about Clarke’s childhood best friend. Of course she would, she stopped talking about her for a while now.

“We lied to him. He thinks I don’t know her. She made me! She doesn’t want him to know,” Clarke declares.

“Why would you lie? Is there anything between the two of you?” Octavia asks.

“No,” Clarke lies but then adds, “Alex is Lexa. She's Lexa, Octavia. Lexa is Finn’s sister…they’re cousins, he is her adoptive brother,” She replies trying hard not to cry. She has been so overwhelmed by everything that happened, after so many years she saw Lexa, she talked to her, she touched her skin while hand shaking but she didn’t realize any of it yet because somehow it was all in her mind and no one else knew about it just like the dreams she used to have about her.

She didn’t talk about her, she didn’t tell her friend how she felt. Nothing, she kept what happened to herself. Reality strikes her hard now that she is saying it out loud and it is visible on her face.

Octavia doesn’t react immediately, she knows the “ _Lexa_ ” She heard so many times about her. Clarke talked so much about her, about what they had. Octavia knows Lexa is Clarke’s first love too.

“Lexa, your Lexa?” Octavia asks to make sure that she heard well, Clarke nods with almost a pout on her face. Octavia could tell by looking at Clarke’s face that it is not a good thing. “Fuck!” Octavia exclaims, “That’s….” She doesn’t find a word to describe it.

“Fucked up,” Clarke says.

“Do you think she still has feelings for you? And that’s why she is doesn’t want Finn to know?” Octavia asks and Clarke shakes her head, “No, she has a girlfriend. A fucking gorgeous girlfriend that she loves. I even doubt that she ever loved me,” She says taking a bite from the slice of pizza in her hand.

“Why are you questioning her love, now?” Octavia asks seeing the way Clarke described Lexa’s girlfriend.

Clarke shrugs, “She ignored me, Octavia. I asked her why the hell would she lie and make me lie to Finn and why is she ignoring everything we were, hell she was even ignoring my existence and she said she is fine with it and she is going to do it.” Clarke feels her heart tighten and tears welling in her eyes.

“That’s rude,” Octavia exclaims.

“Yes, it hurts,” Clarke says in a trembling voice. Octavia notices that her best friend is about to cry, she scoots closer and hugs her.

“You should tell him, Clarke,” Octavia says.

“I should, I know,” Clarke replies when Octavia’s arms free her.

“Why do I feel like there is a _but?”_ Octavia asks.

“But I won’t;” Clarke shakes her head. “I don’t want her to think that I still care or love her, she wants to ignore me? To the hell, I will do the same,” She lets out hurt apparent in her tone.

“You do care, Clarke. I don’t think you still love her though because I know you love Finn,” Octavia replies knowingly and Clarke is grateful that at least Octavia is sure of something she is doubting herself.

“I don’t care. I don’t care about her,” Clarke replies lying to herself more than to her best friend.

“Yes, you do. If you didn’t it wouldn’t hurt,” Octavia looks into her best friend’s eyes knowingly.

“It’s true,” Clarke lets out defeated.

“What now? Are you going to tell Finn?"

“No.”

“Are you sure? What if..” Octavia says before Clarke interrupts her, “She won’t tell him.”

“How do you know, Clarke?” Octavia asks.

“I just know, she won’t tell him,” Clarke replies confidently. She knows Lexa, she knows her maybe more than her brother does. She knows Lexa won’t tell, Lexa herself was the one who kept it secret and acted as if she didn’t know her when they first saw each other again.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

‘ _I hope so,’_ Clarke thinks to herself. She is not sure if she knows what she is doing. Why is she still hiding the truth from Finn? Why is she willing to keep a secret and share it only with Lexa? Why?

She is afraid to answer her thoughts. She prefers to ignore it and enjoy her day with her best friend. She doesn’t tell her about the way Lexa backed her against the bathroom door, she doesn’t tell her about the way she looked at her lip nor does she tell her what she confessed ‘ _Not everyone, not you’_.

Later that day, Finn comes home with a smile on his face after spending most of his day with his sister.

“Hi, Ladies!” Finn greets them.

“Hey, Finn,” Octavia greets back while Clarke stood up and pecked his lips.

“How was your day?” Finn asks them.

“Good,” Clarke replies and Octavia smiles.

“How was yours?” Octavia asks, Clarke doesn’t want to know anything about it because she knows he spent it with Lexa.

“Good, I got to spend it with Alex,” Finn smiles happily.

“That’s nice,” Octavia comments.

“I invited her over but she refused,” Finn adds.

“Maybe she is busy,” Clarke replies and Octavia looks at her.

“She’s always busy but I’m her brother she never refused to spend more time with me,” Finn replies.

“Ok! I gotta go,” Octavia says then looks at her best friend’s fiancé, “Finn, it was nice seeing you again.”

“You’re leaving already?” Finn asks then looks at Clarke and suggests, “We should invite our friends over, Clarke.”

“Sure,” Clarke smiles at him.

After Octavia left, Clarke tried to avoid the conversation with Finn that they should have by using the only thing that kept Finn’s mind away, sex. First it worked but not the way she wanted, her body didn’t obey to her and Finn felt it.

In Finn’s arms she could forget about Lexa the first night she saw her, his touches were all her body’s memory knew. That morning, Clarke didn’t even think about Lexa or her existence. Her mind was expecting to meet a woman which was as light and bubbly as Finn is, even if he warned her. That day, she was Clarke, Finn’s Clarke and Finn’s future wife about to meet her future sister in law, that’s all.

However, tonight is different. Today is different, she woke up with her body craving Lexa’s touch she had in her dream. Her body was not satiated by the way Finn made her feel. And now, her mind is very aware of Lexa and knows that her Lexa exists. She spent her day talking and thinking about her. She realized that Lexa is very much real and she is Finn’s sister. Today, she is not just Clarke, she is Lexa’s Clarke, Finn’s fiancé, Lexa’s past, Finn’s future wife, Lexa’s future sister in law.

“What’s on your mind, Clarke?” Finn asks and Clarke’s heart stops. Clarke pushes herself off of him, on her side and meets his eyes with a fake smile.“Nothing,” She leans and places a chaste kiss on his lips.

Finn sighs. “Clarke, do you regret anything?” He asks worried.

Clarke looks blankly at him. “What? I don’t have regrets,” She shakes her head.

“Then why are you so tense, vague and not here?” Finn asks.

Clarke could feel her stomach tighten, she wants to tell him the truth. She owes him the truth and all the truth. “I’m just stressing about the wedding,” She lies again not ready to reveal the whole truth, not even a bit of it.

“Do you think that we skipped steps?” Finn asks the question they both dreaded.

Clarke wants to say yes because she wishes they were like a normal couple and went through the talk and get to know each other step, take their time then maybe move in together, fight and make up later and then realize that they want one another in each other’s lives forever.

But, it is nothing like them. They took a very different road to get to the marriage stop and now everything seems strange. Clarke knows that she loves Finn, she said yes for a reason. “No,” She replies after few minutes of silence.

“We are us, Finn. Maybe we took a shortcut but we’re here now. We just have to take it as it is. I love you, you love me. You want to marry me, I want to be your wife,” Clarke shrugs. “Maybe, we’re not an ideal couple but I don’t care,” She adds and Finn feels a little better.

“We’re perfect,” Finn replies with a smile.

“No, we’re not,” Clarke takes Finn’s smile away. “But we can get there, we just need to communicate a lot,” Clarke adds. “We’re back here! We have time, our lives are not threatened, we are safe and in the morning when you leave, I’m not afraid that you won’t be back home to me so we can set a normal pace now even if we’re already heading for the long haul.”

Finn nods “Ok. How do we do this?”

Clarke looks at him for a moment then says, “I don’t know. For example you never told me about your mother.”

Finn smiles sadly at her then replies, “She was a strong woman, she raised me on her own.” He looks at the ceiling as if he was trying to look into his past, his memories of her to share them with Clarke. “I wasn’t a good kid, you know. I always blamed her for my father’s absence, hell even for her absence even if deep down I knew that she didn't have the choice.” His heart aches and his voice quivers but he continues, “She dedicated herself to her career day and night. I think she never moved on, my father was her first love and she buried herself in her career. She always gave me whatever I wanted.”

He stops for few minutes, Clarke doesn’t dare to talk she waits for him and then when he finally speaks again he completely breaks her heart, “She was selfless, beautiful just like you. That’s why I love you, you remind me of her.”

Clarke’s eyes fill with tears, she wasn’t expecting to hear that. She knows Finn loves her, but he never told her why or was romantic or anything like that she scoots back in his arms, gives him a comforting hug and places a soft kiss on his chest. “I love you,” She whispers against his chest then looks up at him. “Your turn to ask,” She says breathing him in. She needs to feel him and push her body to crave him and forget about that dream.

“Ok, I have one;” Finn says. “What do you want to name our first child?”

Clarke stiffens. “I…I didn’t know you want kids!”

“Why don’t you want kids?” Finn asks back with a frown.

Clarke smiles nervously at him, “I don’t know…I never thought about it.”

“That’s terrible,” Finn comments.

“What?” Clarke doesn’t get what he is referring to, is it about her answer?

“It's not a really good idea,” Finn replies with a disappointed tone. “Instead of getting to know one another, I feel like it is only making us realize that we don’t know each other.”

Clarke freezes, Finn feels the same and she could see the hurt in his eyes. “Hey, Finn! Look at me,” She tries to meet his eyes and when finally he looks into blue she says, “I want you.” Finn flashes her a fake smile and kisses her to avoid showing her that he is anxious.

**Few days later, At Costia’s apartment;**

**Bedroom;**

Lexa uses her key to Costia’s apartment and the second she steps in, she calls Costia’s name out but receives no answer. She walks further into the apartment and she could hear the blow dryer coming from the bathroom.

She walks to her girlfriend’s bedroom, takes off her blouse and neatly suspends it before laying on the bed and waiting for Costia who came in, only few minutes later.

Costia was still wrapped in a towel her hair freshly washed and dried, she smiles seeing her girlfriend sprawled on her bed.

“Hey babe,” Costia greets her girlfriend happily.

“Hey, beautiful,” Lexa replies rolling on her side to watch Costia.

“Is it that late?” Costia asks confused knowing that sometimes she forgets herself in the shower and ends up being late.

“No, I just wanted to see you. I missed you,” Lexa explains. Costia smiles, Lexa never came early just because she missed or wanted to see her. She unwraps her body from the towel and starts dressing under Lexa’s eyes.

“How was your day?” She asks casually while putting her jeans on.

“Fine, yours?” Lexa shrugs.

“Mine was tiring but good,” Costia smiles. “Clarke came for the cooking lessons,” She adds.

Lexa tries to ignore the way the speed of her heartbeat changed at the mention of Clarke’s name. “She is that bad?” Lexa asks.

“No, she’s good. She knows the basics. Murphy was the one who drained me.”

Lexa frowns, “Murphy!”

“He spent an hour drooling over her breasts,” Costia laughs. “I had to give her an apron that covered her chest to get his attention back.”

At Costia’s words, Lexa’s mind drifts to a so fresh memory of Clarke’s cleavage into a dress. She knows Clarke have amazing breasts even when she was young and now they are even more appealing so she can’t blame Murphy for drooling. The other day, she couldn’t tear her eyes from Clarke the whole dinner.

Lexa gets uncomfortable feeling her dick twitch in her pants and she feels guilty for it. She keeps silent not knowing what to say and tries hard to forget about Clarke’s breasts and avoid to get fully hard while talking about her brother’s fiancé and while Costia is far from her doing her hair and makeup.

“I mean, we can’t really blame him she has an impressive cleavage. I'm not particularly a boob lady but I stared,” Costia shrugs her shoulders at the admission and waits to hear her girlfriend’s reply. Lexa’s cheeks are crimson red and she could feel her arousal and it freaks her out, she clears her throat, “Can we not talk about the breasts of my brother’s future wife?” She doesn’t like the way her body is responding so easily because of Clarke. First, her heart at the mention of only her name and now her dick at the remembrance of Clarke’s breasts.

She shouldn’t be so responsive to her brother’s wife. She needs to get used to the idea that Clarke, **_her_** Clarke. Her crazy princess is **_no longer_** hers not even in her memories. Done, it is over. She is Finn’s fiancé, Finn’s future wife.

But what can she do, it seems like her body and more specifically her dick has a mind of its own especially when Clarke is involved.

“Come on’ Lexa. You can’t deny it. I know for a fact that you’re a sucker for boobs,” Costia chuckles remembering the other night and how Lexa spent too much time loving her breasts then she adds, “She's sexy and has nice curves.”

“I guess Finn is lucky,” Lexa says trying to hide her arousal. Costia looks at her girlfriend when she notices a blush on her cheeks, “Oh, you’re blushing just at the mention of boobs. God you’re so cute.”

“I’m not blushing,” Lexa defends herself.

“Yes you are, look at you,” Costia says while approaching her girlfriend.

Lexa feels uncomfortable when Costia straddles her. She knows if Costia lowers her center on her, she will feel that she is hard. Costia closes the distance and kisses her girlfriend sweetly then she feels Lexa’s discomfort so she parts her lips from hers.

“What?” She looks at her trying to get an answer.

“Nothing,” Lexa shakes her head. “We should leave.”

“We have time,” Costia replies. “Raven is picking up Anya so they’re gonna be late,” She smirks; “That gives us plenty of time.”

Costia smashes her lips back against Lexa’s, harder this time and a moan escapes her lips when she feels how hard Lexa is.

“God, you’re so hard,” Costia lets out feeling her own arousal, she takes off her shirt and leans in for another kiss. Lexa again, loses herself her hands cup systematically Costia’s breasts. Costia’s lips leave hers and yellowish green meet green, “Talking about Clarke’s breasts made you that hard.” Lexa’s heart stopped.

Then she adds, “I invited Clarke for lunch tomorrow and you’re coming! So I need to know should I be worried and start thinking about having implants?” Costia asks jokingly but Lexa doesn’t seem to be in the mood anymore. Her hands leave Costia’s breasts and she pushes herself into a sitting position while Costia is still straddling her.

Lexa realized that she hasn’t seen Clarke for few days and it felt weird to hear Costia talk about her like she is her friend. She is almost jealous of Costia, she gets to be with Clarke and enjoy her presence while Lexa can’t. Not even friendly because she knows. She knows her body will betray her just like it did few minutes ago.

She realized that she misses her maybe worse than she missed her years ago because she saw her again, she heard her voice and she remembered so many things they shared. Her heart used to ache when she thought about Clarke because she was missing her but now it is worse. Worse because she is with Finn and she is here reachable but at the same time untouchable.

“No, they are fine,” She replies not meeting Costia’s eyes and ignoring the first part of what she said.

Costia nods and stands off Lexa feeling hurt at the way Lexa suddenly shuts her off again after they have had the best days in their relationship lately. She takes her shirt, puts it back on, and leaves silently the bedroom.

Lexa takes a deep breath and shuts her eyes close. She regrets hurting Costia, she can’t help feeling bad at the way her body reacts to anything that is related to Clarke. She hates it.

Lexa gathers her strength, and goes to look for Costia. She finds her in the kitchen pouring herself a drink. She walks to her and wraps her arms around her waist from behind.

“I love them the way they are,” She whispers, her face on Costia’s shoulder.

Costia smiles weakly then pushes her ass against Lexa who tightens her arms around her and lets her hand wander back up where they were few minutes earlier.

“You want me to fuck you right here? On your kitchen isle?” Lexa asks in a sexy voice while pushing rubbing her dick against Costia’s butt.

“Emmm,” Costia agrees with a moan.

**The next day, at Costia’s restaurant;**

**Lunch with Clarke;**

Clarke walks into Costia’s restaurant with Octavia who was first skeptical about the idea of meeting the girlfriend of her best friend’s first love. But then, when she saw Costia she felt more comfortable.

She even understood why Clarke didn’t hesitate about the crazy idea to take cooking lessons from her. Costia is a friendly and a nice person who tries to make everyone comfortable. And she understood why she said ‘ _a fucking model’_ Costia is gorgeous and has everything for her.

“Should we order or take your advice on the chef’s special menu?” Clarke asks Costia with a smile.

“No, today is not about my cuisine but about getting to know each other,” Costia replies. “Order whatever you’re in the mood for, and I’ll make sure my cooks don’t miss it.”

Clarke looks at her best friend and says, “See why I wanted you to meet her?”

In fact, her first lesson with Costia went very well, she liked being around the woman and couldn’t agree more about what Costia said the other night ‘ _We could be friends’_. Clarke’s initial jealousy towards Costia about being the one worth Lexa’s friendship disappeared, or so she thinks because all she was thinking is that Lexa deserved to have such a love ball in her life.

“Clarke is a food enthusiast but she never had the time to cook,” Octavia explains to Costia. LC IXON MONTANT

“She did well yesterday,” Costia looks at Clarke and smiles.

“I think I’m gonna consider your offer, Costia. If Clarke did well, I’m bound to do wonders,” Raven comments and Clarke pokes her playfully.

“You’re welcome,” Costia replies smiling at the two friends then adds, “Well, Lexa will be here in any minute let’s order.”

Clarke feels her heart again, she doesn’t know what it means or why does her heart beat so hard against her chest like that whenever Lexa is mentioned. She didn’t know that Lexa will come or be part of their lunch. She gulps and fakes a smile on her face to hide whatever her face is displaying because of her crazy heartbeat.

Octavia notices the way Clarke froze so she does her best to get Costia’s attention away from her best friend who is a mess by now. “Lexa?” She asks feigning not to know who it is.

“Alex,” Costia corrects immediately. “I forgot that Finn calls her Alex and you know her as Alex.” She smiles looking at Octavia.

“Ah Finn’s sister,” Octavia nods and Clarke is grateful for having Octavia with her.

Clarke wonders why Lexa wants to be in the same space as her again and why did she agree to come and have lunch with her. She clearly wants nothing to do with her. She decides to not accord Lexa much importance and do her best to hide her feelings and not snap at her.

She hopes she could have a word with Octavia without Costia before Lexa comes, so she can warn her to not say anything and act as if she never heard about her except as being the sister of her best friend’s fiancé.

Fortunately for her after they ordered, Costia went to the kitchen to instruct her cooks and Clarke takes the opportunity but Octavia beats her to it. “Did you know Lexa is coming?” Octavia asks with wide eyes.

“No, I swear I didn’t,” Clarke replies defensively then adds, “Please, don’t say anything stupid. Also, call her Alex please not Lexa.” Clarke begs her best friend who looks at her with a raised eyebrow.

“I can’t promise anything, Clarke. If she dares to say or do anything that she shouldn’t, I’m gonna kick her ass,” Octavia warns her.

“She won’t,” Clarke reassures her.

“God, this is the highest level of fucked up,” Octavia comments when Clarke widens her eyes. Lexa was standing right behind Octavia.

Clarke looks back at her best friend and doesn’t acknowledge Lexa’s presence. Lexa’s eyes locked with blue but not for enough time to say anything. Clarke quickly looked back at her actual best friend and said, “Just remember what I said.”

Octavia gets the hint and simply nods when she feels someone behind her. Lexa took the last step and tugged the chair between Clarke and Octavia.

“Clarke,” Lexa says trying to get her attention so she can greet her and introduce them.

Clarke looks at Lexa then at Octavia, “O, this is Alex, Finn’s sister. Alex this is Octavia my best friend.” Clarke finally speaks.

Octavia looks at Lexa and gives her a fake smile while pushing her hand to shake it, Lexa looks at Clarke then at Octavia and shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you, Octavia,” Lexa says politely.

“Alex, I heard a lot about you. I’m happy to put a face on the name,” Octavia says and Clarke grits her teeth. Just a minute ago, she told her to not say anything suspicious.

“I’m sorry I can’t say much about you,” Lexa replies looking at Clarke.

“That’s ok. Some people has effect on Clarke more than others, I’m just her best friend,” Octavia replies with a smirk.

“Where’s Costia?” Lexa asks looking at Clarke who completely ignores her and takes her phone out of her bag and starts fidgeting with it.

“She’s in the kitchen,” Octavia simply replies on Clarke’s behalf.

Lexa smiles at Octavia politely for replying then at Clarke. Again, Clarke’s attention is captured by her phone. Lexa doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like the way Clarke is giving her the cold shoulder. She doesn’t like it even though she knows why and she asked for it. However, she wasn’t expecting Clarke to react like this, she wanted to keep it civil.

Lunch goes pretty well and less awkward then it could have been. Of course, Clarke kept ignoring Lexa completely and didn’t look at her not even once. Costia wasn’t aware of it because both Clarke and Octavia talked heartedly to her and Lexa rarely spoke just as she is used to her.

Instead, Lexa spent that time staring at Clarke and again relishing at her features and husky voice she missed so much. Octavia didn’t miss it and made herself a mental note to tell Clarke about it.

When the two best friends were leaving Costia’s restaurant, Raven arrived. Clarke introduced her to Octavia and she shamelessly flirted with her. Octavia liked Raven but she didn’t want to make things even worse so she just politely smiled at Raven.

“Clarke, Octavia you guys should joins us tonight at the Grounders,” Raven suggests wanting to see the brunette Octavia again.

Clarke looks at her best friend not knowing how to answer Raven’s invitation then Octavia surprises her replying enthusiastically, “We’d love to.” She smiles at Raven then at Clarke whose eyes are about to pop out, she smiles nervously at Costia.

“Guess, we’ll be seeing you tonight,” Costia smiles.

“Girls, it was nice meeting you,” Octavia says looking at Costia and Raven while ignoring Lexa who doesn’t miss the behavior of Clarke’s best friend.

She feels uncomfortable at the look Octavia gave her before leaving ‘ _She must know, Clarke must have told her otherwise she wouldn’t act like that_ ’ Lexa thinks to herself.

**_Later that day; At Clarke’s apartment;_ **

**_Bedroom;_ **

“Clarke?” Finn looks for his fiancé the minute he steps in.

“Bedroom,” Clarke shouts.

Finn walks in their bedroom and finds Clarke dressed in a sexy sleeveless dress and putting her makeup. He smiles while staring at her from behind, then walks towards her and places a kiss on her neck. “Hey beautiful.”

Clarke smiles at him, “Hey!”

“Are we going out?” He asks and Clarke shakes her head. “Girls night out with Raven, Octavia, and Costia,” She says casually omitting Lexa. His eyes widen surprised. “You’re going out with my friends?” He asks just to be sure.

“Yeah,” Clarke simply replies.

“That’s nice,” Finn says with a smile then asks, “Will Alex be there?”

“I don’t know,” She replies honestly. She doesn’t know because she wasn’t looking at Lexa and didn’t see her reaction when they mentioned the Grounders and neither did she talk.

“She should,” Finn says.

Clarke tries to not think if Lexa is going to come or not, she did well this morning at lunch at ignoring her just as she wants her to do. In addition, she needs to focus on her relationship and wedding preparations.

Clarke is brought back from her thoughts by Finn. “You should talk to her, Clarke. She’s a sweetheart under her commander face. It’s really important for me to see you in good terms, and not bickering on each other about our wedding and…”

Clarke grits her teeth, Finn shouldn’t talk about this right now especially that Octavia is already waiting for her. “Finn! Babe!” She interrupts him not wanting to argue with him tonight too, “Listen to me! I’ll talk with her about the wedding but not tonight. Tonight, it’s fun night.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right, Have fun.”

“I will,” Clarke says before kissing him.

“Don’t hesitate to call me to pick you up,” Finn says before Clarke leaves.

**_At the Grounders;_ **

****

As soon as the two best friends get in the club, Clarke orders a first round of drinks they much need for the night they are going to have. She hopes Lexa won’t come because she wants to have a night free of emotions. She wants to relax.

Raven spots Octavia and Clarke by the bar having drink, she takes a deep breath and walks towards them. She is going to do her best to get into Octavia’s pants tonight.

“Ladies,” She leans in and places a friendly peck on Clarke’s cheek then to Octavia and flashes her a smile, “Come with me.”

Clarke frowns when she sees Octavia following Raven. She noticed the way they looked at each other this morning, she noticed the way Octavia kept asking questions about her, but unfortunately Clarke had not so much answers for her.

In addition, she was the one who checked and made researches about her to know if Clarke could be a gold digger. She decides to not think much about it and have a serious talk later just not tonight with Raven as she is the friendliest of Finn’s friends. She puts her drink back and hurries to catch them.

Raven walks Octavia first into the VIP, Lexa frowns seeing Raven coming back with only Octavia, she wants to ask her friend where is Clarke but refrains to.

“Octavia, glad that you made it,” Costia says before asking, “Is Clarke coming?”

“She's at the bar,” Octavia replies.

“She's right here,” Lexa hears Clarke’s husky voice. Lexa looks behind Octavia’s shoulder and her jaw drops, she wasn’t expecting to see Clarke in a sleeveless tight dress. She gulps and looks away, it is going to be a challenge.

Costia stands up and greets both Octavia and Clarke warmly, Lexa forces herself to do the same but neither Clarke nor Octavia look at her. They both sit on the lounge facing the one her and Costia are occupying.

Lexa quickly sits back trying to ignore the ache in her heart at the way Clarke rudely snubs her. Again just like the way it went at lunch, Clarke ignores her she knows for sure now that it is intentional, so she decides to take things in her own hands.

“Clarke,” She interrupts her friends.

“Alex,” Clarke replies and Lexa’s heart shutters. She will never get used to Clarke calling her Alex.

“You should come with Finn next time so we can talk about the wedding,” Lexa manages to keep a regular tone.

Clarke raises her eyebrow and nods, “I will.”

“We're already at it, Alex,” Octavia dives in the conversation to back her best friend.

Lexa looks at Octavia surprised then Clarke speaks again, “Let’s not talk about wedding’s preparations, it’s stressful. I’m here to relax.”

Lexa nods feeling a little bit hurt at the way Clarke easily changes the topic and avoids talking to her and worse completely ignores her. What pains her the most is watching Clarke smiling and laughing with Costia, Raven and her best friend Octavia unfazed by her presence while she didn’t even look at her.

She was jealous. Jealous of how easily Costia and Raven talk to her and get to know the new Clarke. Jealous of Octavia who is now her best friend. Jealous at everything and everyone Clarke’s eyes meet because she couldn’t have it.

It is a bitter taste of her own medicine, she regrets her own words but she can’t listen to her heart. It’s better this way for all of them, for Finn.


	5. Chapter 5

**Present time** **; Finn’s apartment;**

**In the kitchen;**

Finn walks into the kitchen smelling pancakes. He smiles knowing that Clarke almost never cooks and when she does, it only means that she is in a good mood.

In fact, Clarke is in a good mood because she had a good night even when ignoring Lexa, mostly because she ignored Lexa. She was happy that she was able to do it and spend her night unfazed by Lexa’s presence.

It means for her that she can do it, she can be **_just_** Lexa’s future sister in-law just as Lexa can only be hers. Before yesterday’s night she was wondering how can Lexa just ignore her and live her life and be around her indifferent to their past.

She is also happy because the doubt she had and the confusing feelings about her marriage to Finn that she felt after meeting Lexa were cleared as she was able to spend a good night without leaving in an emotional mess like the other day at Lexa’s mansion.

Finn walks to his fiancée and pecks her lips. “Morning love.”

“Morning,” Clarke lets out with a smile.

“I see that Costia’s cooking lessons’ are already making a difference,” He jokes.

“Maybe,” She chuckles.

“Slept well?”

Clarke hums and puts a plate on his side and serves him breakfast. “Almost well,” She rectifies meeting his eyes.

“And why is that?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

Clarke doesn’t reply she finishes the last bite of her pancake then goes and straddles him. “Because you were asleep when I got home,” She says with an exaggerated pout.

“Oh,” Finn replies loving the way it was going. “How about I make it up to you now? Will it help?” He asks sliding his hand under Clarke’s shirt and unclasps her bra.

“Humm, you can always try,” Clarke replies before meeting his lips in a heated kiss.

They make out first Clarke still on his lap then he hoist her up with him and puts her on the table instead. “Can I make love to my princess on the kitchen table?” He asks and Clarke’s thoughts go to Lexa. For more than one reason among them the choice of words that sounds familiar to her as Lexa used them first.

“Fuck,” She lets out angrily not loving that he calls her, ‘ _Princess_ ’ now that Lexa is back in her life, in their lives. She was the one who called her princess back in the days and she was not going to let Lexa again interfere in her intimate moments with her fiancé. Finn leaves Clarke’s neck and leans back to look at her, not knowing what he did or said wrong.

He meets her blue eyes and frowns. Clarke rectifies, “Fuck me don’t make love to me.” He smiles at her and nods.

Clarke quickly forgets about Lexa when she feels Finn’s mouth devouring her lips and skin roughly. Finn is nothing like Lexa, he has a manly and confident touch while Lexa’s touch was tender and hesitant. Finn was fucking her as she asked him and not making love to her as Lexa did so she was fine with it. Or so she thinks.

When she felt that he was about to cum into her, Clarke pushed him off of her. “Wait,” She lets out panicked. Clarke doesn’t want to be pregnant and they already talked or almost talked about it, Finn knows it and he shouldn’t be surprised.

“I…Ummm…don’t want an unexpected pregnancy,” She says bluntly.

“Clarke you’re on the pill,” He replies feeling hurt.

“I know but we shouldn’t take a risk,” She adds not meeting his eyes.

Finn looks at her for few seconds but she still refuses to meet his eyes, he puts back his shorts and leaves to the bathroom. She doesn’t know what’s going on with her, they had unprotected sex before but she never reacted this way.

She groans feeling frustrated and goes to the bathroom after Finn but he locked it and it was a clear message. She curses herself and goes back to the kitchen, she takes her phone and texts Octavia so they can meet somewhere.

When she heard his footsteps she hurried into the bathroom and showered and after she finished, she dressed and left without trying to talk to him.

She gets into Octavia’s car and slams the door pretty roughly.

“Easy on my babe,” Octavia says.

“Sorry,” Clarke lets out.

“Is everything ok?” Octavia asks with a frown, yesterday when she dropped Clarke at her place she was fine and they spent a pretty good night.

Clarke doesn’t reply, she doesn’t know how to explain why she keeps pushing Finn while she knows she wants to marry him.

“Clarke,” Octavia tries to get a reply from her best friend.

“I’m fine,” Clarke looks at her with a fake smile. Octavia knows that it is not a real smile but she lets it go.

“Where to?” She asks her instead.

“I don’t know,” Clarke replies.

“What about we start looking for a wedding dress?” Octavia suggests and Clarke smiles at her genuinely this time.

**At Lexa’s mansion, her office;**

Lexa opens her office and steps in making sure to lock the door behind her. She needs to spend some time alone away from Costia, away from everyone.

Ironically, now that she is not alone she has Costia almost daily with her and she sees her brother and friends every day, she wants to be alone.

She sits in her chair and stares at the pictures on her wall. A smile breaks her serious mask she had entering the office. Just like her father, her office became her sanctuary and it has her deepest secrets buried and hidden in it. Again, just like her father.

However, she doesn't want to be like him so instead she made of her office her happy sanctuary. It keeps her sweetest memories or processions. They are not much, just few pictures already hanging on the wall and few items in her drawers. As well as the letters she received from Finn.

Lexa needs a moment to herself, she hasn't been feeling that bad for a while now. She has been doing well, she has been doing so much effort to let her walls down and trust her friends and Costia and it worked. 

Yet, the previous night had an impact, seeing Clarke and being snubbed by her was very hard to handle. She never felt anything like that. Clarke never did that to her, she always saw Clarke as the nicest person ever.

Clarke has always been sweet to her and very warm even when she hasn't seen her in a while, even when they didn't talk for years.

**_Year 2006; summer vacations_ **

**_France (Day 1)_ **

_Eighteen years old Lexa has never been so excited and afraid in her life like she is today. Her hands are sweaty, and she can feel her heartbeat everywhere in her body._

_Today, she is flying to see her childhood best friend Clarke. The crazy princess that she had to leave few years ago. They kept in touch but mostly by snail mail the few first weeks then the letters became less frequent and ended up nonexistent._

_Lexa tried every other week to mail her best friend for almost two years then sometime, she doesn’t remember exactly when nor why she stopped but it happened._

_She has been planning for this trip for more than a year now. Her father Gustus refused to let her fly by her own so he is coming with her. She didn’t care as long as she has the opportunity to fulfill her plan._

_The minute their plane landed Gustus started giving her rules that she must stick by otherwise they will pack and go back home. Of course, Lexa was not going to ruin her summer after working so hard and so long to deserve it. She was not going to ruin her plan._

_All she does is nod and reply politely as she always does when talking to Gustus no matter what. She knows better than to disobey him after all these years and all she has lost she was not ready to lose again. She knows her father always wins, so she is going to win with her own way._

_When they finally arrive to their hotel, Lexa took her back bag and went straight to the old neighborhood and more exactly to Clarke's neighborhood. She got hard times to find it as the streets are not looking the same as it used to in her memories._

_She walks into the building of the Griffin's household hoping to find familiar faces. She knocks on the building's concierge door but in vain. It seems that no one was there so she decides to go upstairs and knock on the Griffin's door unannounced._

_The door is not the same as in her souvenirs, it doesn't have all the marks. It's new. She takes a deep breath and knocks loudly afraid that she won't be heard like the past few years._

_She waits for a moment but the door remains closed, no blonde hair or blue eyes opening it. So she tries again and again then she realizes that no one is going to answer she decides to knock on the neighbor's door and ask because she can't wait additional five minutes to know where is her best friend._

_When the door opens, an old man maybe older than her father and even more serious than him opens the door and looks at her._

_"Bonjour, je m'excuse de vous importuner mais j'aimerai savoir si les Griffin habitent toujours là?"_ _(Good morning, I’m sorry to bother you but I would like know if the Griffin still live here?) Lexa asks politely gesturing at the Griffin's household door._

_"Ils ont déménagées ça fait quelques années," (They moved out years ago) He replies sternly._

_Lexa's face falls at his words but she doesn't want to lose hope. Not even to herself, she can't give up now._

_"Merci Monsieur," (Thank you Sir,) She replies with a nod._

_"Je vous en prie," (You're welcome,) the old man answers just as he is about to close the door, Lexa's reflex kicks in and she pushes his door back._

_"Je m'excuse, auriez-vous une idée où ils habitent maintenant?"_ _(Sorry, do you have an idea about where do they live now?) Lexa asks desperately._

_"Non," (No,) The old man says angrily._

_"Oh, merci et pardon..." (Oh, thank you and I’m sorr...) Lexa doesn't finish when the old man slams the door on her face._

_Lexa thinks for few minutes then knocks on the door of another neighbor hoping that this one will be friendly and useful._

_"Bonjour, je m'excuse de vous importuner mais j'aimerais savoir si vous connaissez les Griffin?"_ _(Hello, I’m sorry to bother you but I would like to know if you know the Griffin?) Lexa asks again._

_"Bonjour," (Good morning,) The woman replies, "Biensur que oui._ _Qui ne connait pas les Griffin?"_ _(Of course. Who doesn’t know the Griffin?) The woman replies with a friendly smile._

_Lexa's heart beats furiously in her chest."Avez-vous leur adresse?" (Do you have their address?) She asks bluntly._

_"Oui," (Yes,) The woman replies with a smile.“Je vais vous la noter sur un bout de papier." (I'm gonna write it down for you in a piece of paper.)_

_Lexa nods smiling excitedly at her, the woman goes back barely two minutes later with a piece of paper. "La voilà." (Here is it.)_

_Lexa takes the piece of paper and reads it, she wants to give the woman a hug to thank her but she knows she shouldn’t. In addition, it is nothing like her. Well, to be fair with Clarke and for her, she is another person more jovial and friendly. For Clarke, she would do anything._

_“Merci beaucoup pour votre aide,” (Thank you so much for your help,) Lexa replies politely and runs back outside and straight to that address._

_It was few streets far from there so she had to take a taxi because even if it wasn’t so far and she could have walked there, she didn’t want to wait longer she was too excited to see Clarke again and too tired to walk._

_When Lexa finally found the new Griffin’s place, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Abby was the one to open the door. Lexa instantly recognized her but it seemed like Abby didn’t. She was happy to see Abby’s familiar face._

“ _Bonjour Dr.Griffin,” (Hello Dr,Griffin,) Lexa smiles nervously at Clarke’s mom._

_“Bonjour,” (Hello,) Abby replies confused.“Je vous connais?”_ _(Do I know you?)_

_Lexa’s eyes went wide, she couldn’t have changed that much._ _“Je suis Lexa Woods, la meilleure amie de Clarke,” (I am Lexa Woods; Clarke’s best friend,) Lexa replies._

_"Oh oui, Lexa!_ _Dis donc tu as grandis,” (Oh yes!_ _Lexa, well you grew up,) Abby says gesturing for Lexa to come in._

_Lexa steps in hesitantly, feeling her whole body shaking hoping that it is not noticeable and as bad as she is feeling it, “Clarke est là?” (Clarke is here?) She cannot wait anymore and asks about Clarke the second she heard the soft click of the door behind her._

_“Oui, elle est dans la cour avec ses amis,” (Yes, she is in the backyard with her friends,) Abby replies with a smile knowing that Lexa was too excited to have small talk with her about how she has been and so on._

_Lexa smiles nervously, she wanted to see Clarke and only Clarke, not Clarke with ‘her friends’ as long as she remembers she was Clarke’s only friend._

_“Suis-moi,” (Follow me,) Abby says motioning for Lexa to follow her._

_When Abby opened the backyard door, Lexa could noticed blonde hair the same blonde hair she loved to admire under the sun, and two other girls who must be Clarek’s friends Abby was talking about. Both were in the pool while Clarke was sitting on a deck chair her back to Lexa._

_Lexa’s heart beat went crazy. Abby leaned closer to her and whispered, “Vas y”, (Go ahead,) Lexa jumped she was in her own bubble and too focused on Clarke’s back and Abby’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts._

_She nods and takes few steps closer in Clarke’s direction when one of the Clarke’s friend sees her she puts her index finger against her lips so they don’t tell her. She gets closer with a smile on her lips and a furious heart beat in her chest._

_Lexa covers Clarke’s eyes with her hands softly and Clarke jolts putting her own hands over Lexa’s and the girl who saw Lexa helps her, “Non, Clarke. Tu dois deviner.” (No, Clarke. You need to guess.)_

_Lexa smiles gratefully at the girl, she didn’t want to talk or say anything. In fact, she is not even sure she is able to say anything at all._

_Clarke stirs in her chair and puts her hands down “Emm...Wells?”_ _She says hesitantly then quickly rectifies, “Non, non. C’est des mains de fille.”_ _(No, no. It’s girl’s hands.) Lexa bites her lip and looks back at the girl in the pool and nods the girl smiles at her and says, “Oui.” (Yes.)_

_Lexa clears her throat and Clarke says annoyed, “Je ne sais pas.” (I don’t know.) Lexa smiles again. “Un indice, les filles?” (A clue, girls?) She asks them._

_Both girls laugh, they don’t even know Lexa how would they give her a clue and unexpectedly the second one says, “C’est une jolie fille avec de long cheveux et de magnifiques yeux verts.” (It’s a nice girl with long hair and magnificent green eyes.) She eyes Lexa who blushes._

_“Ow!” Clarke lets out. “Aucune idée,” (No idea,) She replies with a huff and puts one hand back on Lexa’s to push it away but then she feels her breath against her neck she stops._

_Lexa chuckles and leans down and whispers in her ears, “Crazy princess?” Clarke’s breath hitches and her hands goes on Lexa’s and push them roughly and looks back at her and her eyes widen._

_“Lexa,” She breathes out looking into Lexa’s green eyes. Her friend didn’t lie, they are magnificent green eyes. She stands up and jumps at her old best friend making Lexa lose her balance and take two steps back with the force of Clarke’s hug, she wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist and closes her eyes. She wants to cherish and live the moment while it lasts because she has been waiting for it for so long._

_Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck so tightly almost chocking her and Lexa chuckles but feels Clarke trembling lightly she leans back and loosens her arms around Clarke’s waist she wants to look at her best friend, at Clarke. She wants to look at her blue eyes and see if they still are as beautiful as in her memory. She missed her so much but Clarke won’t let go. “Ok, ok!” Lexa reassures her and tighten her arms again. “God, I missed you,” Clarke says against Lexa’s shoulder and Lexa’s heart warms._

_“I missed you too,” Lexa replies starting to feel a little uncomfortable with Clarke’s body in a bathing suit against her while she is sure Abby is still behind her and the two girls she doesn’t even know are eyeing them._

_“Clarke,” Lexa tries to get her best friend’s attention and free herself from her, even if she wants to stay like that longer she can’t and she wants to look at Clarke._

_After a minute or so, Clarke finally lets go of her but not completely. Instead of keeping her hands around her neck, Clarke’s hands go down to her shoulders and she looks at her from head to toe, Lexa blushes because her eyes went directly to Clarke’s cleavage._

_She gulps and looks back at Clarke’s face, not so much change she still has pretty blue eyes, still have sweet cheeks and her sweet smile Lexa loves the most. Lexa can’t help herself looking at Clarke's body shamelessly, she was expecting to see some changes in Clarke of course just like her body has changed through the last few years but she wasn't ready to find Clarke with the most delicious curves she had ever seen._

_As for Clarke, she is smiling at Lexa stupidly and happily. She wasn't expecting to hear or see Lexa ever again especially after her letters stopped. Now, Lexa is very much alive and real in front of her and she was speechless._

_"Tu ne nous présente pas, Clarke?"_ _(Don't you introduce us, Clarke?) Both Clarke and Lexa are snapped out from their bubble by one of Clarke's friends._

_Clarke looks back at her friends leaving Lexa's arms and chuckles nervously, "Les filles, Lexa ma meilleure amie d'enfance. Lexa, Charlotte et Luna." (Girls, Lexa my childhood best friend. Lexa, Charlotte and Luna.) Clarke gestures to her friends who got out of the pool._

_A big part of Lexa's anxiousness disappeared when she heard Clarke introducing her as her best friend._

_The brunette one walks in their direction looking into Lexa's green eyes, "Luna, c'est un plaisir d'enfin faire ta connaissance." (Luna, it's a pleasure to finally meet you.) Lexa looks at Clarke with a blush while shaking Luna's hand 'Finally, it means Clarke talked about her, she smiles politely at the brunette, "Tout le plaisir est pour moi." (All the pleasure is mine.) Lexa could feel Luna's eyes devouring her._

_"Umm..." Clarke clears her throat to get her friends' attention, "Désolé les filles mais je vous laisse là, on a pleins de choses à se raconter," (Sorry girls but I'm leaving you, we have to catch up,) Clarke says wanting to have Lexa for her and her only._

_Blue meets green eyes again, "Lexa, follow me." Lexa smiles nervously at the two girls and does as asked, she will always follow Clarke wherever._

_After stepping back into the house, Clarke takes Lexa's hand in hers and walks her to her room. Lexa's heart skips a beat, Clarke's palm is so soft. Lexa gulps and decides to not think about it._

_The second Clarke gets into her room she looks back at Lexa and hugs her again, Lexa chuckles happily, the embrace is a quick and just a friendly one, Lexa would have liked it to last longer._

_"You're here," Clarke lets out excitedly while touching Lexa's face with her fingertips._

_"I am," Lexa replies as excited as Clarke with a smile loving the way Clarke's fingers trace her features._

_"I never thought I would see you again," Clarke lets out with a broken voice._

_“Clarke, I swore fealty to you and I promised that we will be the best friends in the world,” Lexa shrugs smiling at her._

_Clarke chuckles and a tear falls down her cheek, Lexa cups Clarke’s face in her hands and wipes the tear from her cheek. Lexa’s smile reaches her eyes and her heart. She hadn’t smiled that way for a long time, the last time she did was probably with Clarke and because of Clarke._

_They stare at each other for a about a minute which felt like hours then Lexa wiped another tear that rolled down Clarke’s cheek and pushed a strand of blonde hair from her best friend’s face and hugs her again pushing her head against her chest and rubbing soothing circles on her back._

_“Thank you for finding me,” Clarke whispers then Lexa lets go of her._

_“I will always,” Lexa promises and Clarke nods then she smiles at her best friend and asks her, "Dis moi tout. Vous êtes de retour?" (Tell me everything. Are you back?)._

_Lexa's heart aches, she wishes they were back but they aren't, "Non." (No.) She looks apologetically at her friend._

_"Oh," Clarke lets out her smile falls._

_"Mais on va rester un mois," (But we're gonna stay for a month,) Lexa adds trying to cheer her up._

_Clarke nods with a smile and walks to her bed and taps on it gesturing for Lexa to join her. Again Lexa does as Clarke demands._

_They spend almost an hour catching up until Abby interrupts them with a light knock on the door, "Clarke."_

_"C'est ouvert maman," (It's open mom,) Clarke says and Abby cocks her head from the door and eyes them for a second before looking into her daughter's eyes, "Clarke, tu ne devrais pas laisser tes invitées seules." (Clarke, you shouldn't leave your guests alone.)_ _Lexa shifts uncomfortably feeling guilty at keeping Clarke from her friends._

_"Je doit rentré de toute façon," (I have to leave anyway,) Lexa says when Abby closes back the door and stands up from Clarke's bed who frowns at her._

_"Attends!" (Wait!) Clarke startles Lexa who looks back at her._

_Clarke stands up and walks to her best friend, "Reste, tu m'a beaucoup manqué." (Stay, I missed you a lot.) Lexa smiles at her best friend and simply nods._

_“I’m not leaving you out of my sight,” Clarke adds and Lexa laughs heartedly._

_They go back to the backyard, Lexa spends an additional hour with Clarke and her friends before she goes back to her hotel as she has promised to her father._

_Neither Lexa nor Clarke talked about the reasons the letters stopped. They were "Them" the two inseparable best friends again just as they were years ago as if nothing has changed._

**Present time; At Lexa’s mansion;**

**Her office;**

Lexa is brought back to the present from her thoughts by a light knock on the door, she takes a deep breath and hurries to open it.

Costia looks at her worriedly, "Are you ok babe?" Lexa smiles weakly at her girlfriend to reassure her and nods positively.

She walks back to her chair, opens her laptop and starts typing to get distracted and act like she is busy. She wants to avoid talking but Costia didn't come to look at her pretty face.

"Your phone kept ringing, it woke me up," Costia puts Lexa's phone on her desk and adds insisting, "You don't seem fine, Lexa."

Lexa replies without looking up from the screen, "I'm fine, Cos."

"Did I do or say something stupid last night?" Costia asks again knowing that she sometimes becomes too emotional when she is drunk and Lexa is uncomfortable with emotions.

Lexa sighs. "No, you didn't." Costia was fine, she just was too friendly. And Lexa felt alone and that the only person who loves her was befriending the person who ignored and hurt her. So, yeah Costia made her angry, hurt and maybe jealous but she cannot possibly let her know.

"Do you want me to leave?" Costia asks her feeling like Lexa doesn't want her around.

Lexa looks up at her meeting the loving yellowish green eyes where she could see pain in them. She didn't mean to hurt Costia or be cold with her, she too was hurting and Costia kept pushing while she couldn't give her any proper answer.

“No, I need you,” She says and Costia smiles sadly at her with teary eyes. Just as Lexa was about to add something, her phone starts off she completely forgot to check who called her. It is Anya.

"I'm sorry," She whispers an apology for her girlfriend gesturing at the ringing phone in her hand as an excuse. She takes a deep breath before picking up watching Costia leave her office.

She knows she will have to talk with Costia later and maybe apologize for her cold behavior, but she is too consumed by her own feelings that she cannot deal with it at the moment.

After hanging up, she walks of her office and goes for a run. She wasn’t going to do it today but she needs it. She doesn’t want to be around Costia longer this morning, because she knows she will only make it worse with her silence.

**_Later that day…_ **

**Lexa’s building office; Raven’s office**

Lexa knocks lightly on the door’s frame of Raven’s office, Raven looks up at her and smiles Lexa takes it for a cue to step in.

Lexa rarely takes the time to go to her friends’ offices to talk, they usually are the ones who come to hers. However, today she came to talk to Raven for a reason. To talk about Octavia, Clarke’s best friend because she doesn’t really approve of her friend’s interest in her especially because she is Clarke’s best friend and she acted cold and suspicious.

“Am I interrupting?” Lexa asks politely.

“No, one minute and I’m all yours,” Raven replies.

Lexa fidgets with the hem of her blouse wondering how is she going to ask Raven to not go around Octavia without being blunt.

“Not that I don’t fancy seeing you here in my office, but what brings you here?” Raven asks snapping Lexa out of her thoughts.

Lexa smiles at her best friend, “I just wanna talk.” She shrugs.

“About?”

Lexa chuckles, she can’t really blame her, Raven is right. Lexa never comes to her office let along for a talk. “About Octavia,” She replies.

“Women, my favorite topic,” Raven replies.

“Well, I don’t think Octavia is the kind of women…you know! Just to mess up with her,” Lexa explains.

Raven raises her eyebrow at her, “Last time I checked, I was your best friend.” Lexa frowns and Raven adds, “Are you giving me the best friend talk?”

Lexa’s phone chimes, she doesn’t even bother to look at the caller id. “No. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t get in her pants because that might complicate things,” She tries to explain.

“Getting in the pants of whom?” Anya interrupts them.

“Octavia,” Raven replies.

“Who?” Anya asks again not familiar with the name.

“Clarke’s best friend, Octavia,” Lexa looks at Anya trying to get her support on the matter.

“Don’t worry,” Raven replies. “It’s true, first I just wanted to grab her pretty ass but then after we talked…my intentions towards her became less vicious,” Raven explains looking at both her friends.

“Why?” Lexa asks knowing that she is not going to like the answer.

“She doesn’t have only an appealing ass, she has much more,” She shrugs.

“She is Clarke’s best friend, Raven,” Lexa points out then looks at Anya. “Don’t you think it may be awkward if ever they break up and…” Lexa huffs, “Help me, Anya.”

Anya looks coldly at Raven and says, “Lexa is right, you should listen to her.”

“Thank you,” Lexa says.

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?” Raven lets out annoyed. “I said, I’m not just trying to get in her pants.”

“Don’t blame us, we’re used to Raven who fucks anyone,” Anya says harshly before turning back to leave.

“What the fuck?” Raven blurts out. “Get laid,” She shouts so that Anya hears her then she looks back at Lexa who was as much shocked at Anya’s reaction as her. “What the hell is wrong with her?”

“I don’t know. Just don’t mess up with Octavia,” Lexa says before leaving too.

Once she is back in her office, her phone rings again and startles her she takes it and lets out a breath, Finn.

“Finn,” She replies trying to sound regular.

“Alex,” He says and Lexa could recognize her brother’s broken voice.

“Finn, is everything alright?” Lexa asks her brother worried.

“You’re busy?” He replies with a question with the same voice.

“No, I just was talking with Raven and Anya about work that’s why I didn’t reply earlier,” She half lies to explain.

“I need to talk to you, Alex,” Finn says and Lexa’s heart stops.

“Finn, you’re scaring me,” Lexa replies honestly.

“Don’t worry. I just really need to talk to you,” He says.

Lexa frowns, it never happened before. What can it possibly be about? Did Clarke say something about them? Did she tell him everything? She hopes not.

“Of course, why don’t you come…” Lexa suggests but Finn interrupts her, “No, I’m in no shape to go out, or drive.”

“Finn?” Lexa worries even more, “Where are you?”

“Home,” He replies after few seconds of silence. “Drunk,” He adds.

‘ _Shit! Must be bad,’_ Lexa thinks to herself looking at her watch it is barely eleven am and he is drunk.

“Finn? Where’s Clarke?” She asks.

“We’ll be alone don’t worry about Clarke,” He replies almost angrily. “Are you coming or not?”

“I’m on my way,” Lexa says before hanging up.

All the way to her brother’s place Lexa freaks out, her brother’s last words replaying in her mind. Is he angry and mad that Lexa hid the truth about his fiancée. She lied to her brother and he didn’t take it well. What did Clarke even tell him? She must have told her truth not Lexa’s. She lied to him. No, Clarke would never lie, Lexa knows her well enough.

Lexa knocks on the door and hears Finn’s voice letting her know that it is open. She gets in and the familiar smell hits her hard. Clarke’s perfume is all over the apartment, she feels something in her heart but cannot fathom what it is as the worry and panic are clouding everything else for her.

She walks further into the apartment with hesitant steps and finds Finn laying on the couch looking like a mess. She pushes his legs and sits next to him.

“Hey,” Lexa lets out trying to get his attention when he looks at her, her heart aches knowing that she might be the reason he is like that.

“What’s going on, Finn?” She asks worried.

Finn completely ignores her question and asks her, “How was last night?”

“I..uh...it was good,” She stutters lying to her brother once again, it was horrible for her.

“How was Clarke?” He asks again and Lexa panics, this is about Clarke. She doesn’t want to talk with her brother about Clarke. She is hurt, Clarke ignored her the whole day and now her brother is asking her about her. What is she supposed to answer?

“I don’t get it?” Lexa asks him confused.

“I mean, how did she seem to you?” He asks and Lexa doesn’t want to reply but she has to. “She seemed fine,” She shrugs.

Finn frowns anger apparent in his face and Lexa quickly adds, “I remember, she was stressed about the wedding preparations…you know I’m not good at girly chats.”

“I think we made a mistake,” He says thoughtfully and Lexa feels nervous.

“At least, she thinks we did. I know what I want Alex,” Finn adds and Lexa wants to leave, she doesn’t want to hear that but she owes it to her brother. He needs her and so she must stay and be there for him despite the circumstances.

“Why do you say that? Did she tell you that?”

“Yes...no?” Finn is not really sure about the answer because Clarke didn’t say anything explicitly, he remembers their conversation then adds, “I don’t know, maybe?”

“Why do you think she thinks it's a mistake?”

Finn tries to sit straightly on the couch. “I just know she's different…since we're here.”

Lexa’s heart beat goes wild just as her thoughts, _‘Is it because of me? Fuck! It sure is.’_ She thinks to herself.

“Finn, relax. It's all about bride’s stress of the post wedding and preparation I mean I’m sure every woman about to marry freaks out at a moment,” She tries to reassure her brother, making a note to herself to talk to Clarke and ask her to stop messing with her brother’s heart. If she dares to do it, of course.

“I hope you’re right,” He lets out not convinced then asks her, “What do you think, Lexa? Did we rush things? Is it too early?”

Lexa doesn’t know what the proper answer is for Finn to hear now. She doesn’t know what she can say because her truthful answer would be, ‘ _Yes, it’s early and stupid…what were you thinking getting engaged with a woman you barely know and if you introduced her properly I would have been able to tell you the truth about her, about us. Fuck! Finn what were you thinking?’_ But of course she couldn’t possibly reply truthfully.

Instead, she tried to avoid giving her opinion on the matter because God knows how much she wants to come clean.

“Since when I give you relationship advices? You’re the one who does, not me. It’s your thing,” She laughs nervously.

Finn laughs too. “No, but we are here…the student is surpassing the teacher,” He says then looks at his sister and adds, “Look at you and Costia…the woman is glowing.”

Lexa feels a little bit guilty. “It’s different, Finn,” She lets out.

“How? Did you see the way she looks at you? Like you’re the last drop of water in the desert,” He points out.

Lexa smiles sadly and then explains, “It’s different because she is not “it” for me. I love her…” She pauses for few seconds then resumes, “But I’m not in love I guess. I don’t think I love her the way she does, Finn.”

“Fuck, Alex. I thought I’m drunk not you,” He says laughing again.

“I know,” She smiles sadly at him.

“What about two years of relationship?” He asks confused.

Lexa gulps, how is she going to explain to him the reason why when she herself dreads admitting it to herself.

“I don’t know, I just feel less lonely when she is around. She is beautiful, sweet, caring and easy to love.” She smiles thinking about Costia. She knows she does love her but…

“We’re a mess, Geez!” Finn lets out, “I’m sure Gustus is laughing in his grave about us.”

Lexa chuckles. “Yeah, sure he is.”

“Seriously you’re fine with Costia, I'm not with Clarke. We seem to disagree on everything lately.”

Lexa feels like shit, she knows she has something to do with Finn’s sorrow but she knows it might get bigger and uglier with the truth so she decides to ignore it.

“She doesn’t even want to have kids, can you believe it?” He confesses.

Lexa frowns, not believing Finn’s last words? Clarke doesn’t want to have kids? This is nothing like the Clarke she knows.

**_Year 2006; summer vacations_ **

**_France (Day 5)_ **

****

_Lexa was having the best days in her life so far, she spent the four last days in France with Clarke and her friends. When she was home, she thought about it. She knew, she would be happy around Clarke even after few years without contact._

_Today, Lexa is well prepared to enjoy her day with Clarke and her friends because unlike the four first days she always came not prepared which meant without a bathing suit and each time Clarke insisted to take one of hers and dive with them into the swimming pool, Lexa lied and told her that she didn’t like swimming._

_The second she steps outside to the Griffin’s backyard a little boy runs straight onto her. He stumbles and almost falls but she holds him. Then, another kid comes running to their direction. He takes the hand of his brother as they look like identical twins and takes him inside the house with him._

_Lexa smiles at the adorable little boys then looks back to the swimming pool and there she notices Clarke who was inside it and her back to her counting loudly. She walks to a deck chair, puts her back bag on it, and takes off her shirt and then her jeans and sits waiting for Clarke and the little boys to finish their hide and seek game._

_When Finally Clarke ends her countdown, she gets out of the pool and Lexa’s breath hitches as her eyes fall on Clarke’s beautiful wet breasts she feels the heat shooting down between her legs and she averts her eyes away. Not now, not with Clarke._

_“Lexa,” Clarke lets out happily when she notices her best friend there. Lexa looks back at her but tries hard not to let her eyes wander below Clarke’s face._

_“Clarke,” Lexa smiles at her best friend who is coming to her direction, she straightens her sitting position quickly and crosses her legs to hide anything that might be visible._

_Clarke leans down to give her best friend a hug and Lexa’s eyes again fall right into Clarke’s cleavage, in other circumstances Lexa would have pushed her to avoid getting wet before she herself dives into the swimming pool. But now it is different, she doesn’t trust her eyes nor herself to not drool over her best friend’s breasts._

_In addition, she didn’t even come out to her best friend. She is not sure she will because she is afraid it may scare Clarke away and she would lose the only person she loves, the only person in the world she feels close to, the only friend she has._

_“T’as enfin mis un maillot,” (You finally put a swimming suit,) Clarke eyes Lexa who blushes and pushes her legs so she can sit with her._

_Clarke innocently lets her hand wander over Lexa’s abdomen. “Wow, tu t’entraines?” (Wow, you work out?) She asks her gazing Lexa’s abs with her wet fingers._

_Lexa chuckles nervously, “Oui, un peu.”_ _(Yes, a little.) She tries to back from Clarke’s touch because she could feel herself hardening. First, Clarke’s generous breasts and now she is touching her abs, it was a little bit too much for Lexa to handle without losing control._

_Noticing Lexa’s discomfort, Clarke takes her hand off and asks her, “T’as vu où sont partis les petits monstres?” (Have you seen where the little monsters went?)._

_“Non, ça serait de la triche Clarke,” (No, it would be cheating, Clarke,) Lexa replies._

_“Hey, t’es avec moi ou avec eux?”_ _(Hey, you’re with me or with them?) Clarke pouts._

_“Ni l’un ni l’autre,” (Neither,) Lexa replies raising her eyebrows and Clarke slaps her thigh jokingly before standing up and going to look for the two little boys._

_Barely a minute later, Clarke comes back running and dives into the pool followed by the two little boys giggling who tried hard to catch up with her but failed. Lexa laughs seeing how adorable Clarke is with kids._

_Clarke looks at Lexa and asks her to join them, Lexa happily agrees needing fresh water to ease the heat coiling in her body thinking that it might help her with her semi-hard penis which starts to feel uncomfortable._

_Clarke looks at the two little boys and says with a small voice, “Les gars, c’est ma meilleure amie Lexa.” (Guys, it’s my best friend Lexa.) then she looks at her best friend._ _“Lexa, ça c’est Samuel et Sacha. Les petits frères de Luna.”_ _(Luna’s little brothers.) Lexa smiles. “Adorable,” She lets out looking at Clarke instead of the two little boys._

_“C’est ton tour Sacha,” (It is your turn Sacha,) Clarke says getting out of the pool then she looks at Lexa, “Tu veux jouer?” (Wanna play?)_

_Lexa nods and follows Clarke and Samuel out of the swimming pool, all three run to the living room. The little boy jumps on the couch and hides behind it, Clarke hides behind the door which was open and Lexa looks around trying to find somewhere she can hide when she hears Sacha shouting, “J’arrive.” (Coming.)_

_Clarke quickly grabs Lexa’s wrist and pulls her behind the door with her. It takes Lexa a moment to realize how and where she is. Clarke’s body is flush against her backing her against the wall._

_Lexa’s breathing instantly becomes deep at the realization. Clarke notices it and leans closer if it is even possible and puts her hand on Lexa’s mouth to not get caught. Lexa looks into blue eyes and her heart flutters. She always was aware of Clarke’s beauty but this last few days and more precisely today, right there Lexa feels like she is looking at the most beautiful girl in the world._

_Her lips curve subconsciously under Clarke’s hand, her smile reaches her eyes and Clarke notices it and frowns not knowing why is Lexa looking at her weirdly and smiling stupidly at her._

_Feeling Lexa’s breath calmer than earlier she takes her hand away from the plump lips of her best friend and whispers, “Pourquoi tu souris?” (Why are you smiling?)_

_Lexa’s lips part then close, she doesn’t know what to say. “Rien,” (Nothing,) She shakes her head._

_Lexa sees Sacha walking in the living room without checking behind the door she looks at Clarke gesturing for her to follow her, Clarke does and the two girls run back to the swimming pool. Sacha pouts seeing that he didn’t catch them before he continues looking for his brother._

_Lexa floats back up to the surface, looks at Clarke and asks, “Luna et Charlotte ne viennent pas aujourd’hui?” (Are Luna and Charlotte not coming today?)_

_“Luna te manqué déjà?” (You miss Luna already?) Clarke teases Lexa who blushes._

_“Non, je me demandé juste…”_ _(No, I was just wondering…) Lexa says when Clarke interrupts her, “Relax, je plaisante.” (Relax, I’m joking.)_

_Lexa smiles at her best friend and dives back under the water. It’s true Luna has been flirtatious with her and she cannot lie she was not completely shutting her off. She did flirt back, but she wasn’t expecting anything as she wasn’t sure if Luna was gay or not._

_When she goes back to the surface again, both Sacha and Samuel dive into the pool with them and Clarke says, “I’m babysitting them for the day, Luna won’t come and neither will Charlotte.”_

_“Ok,” Lexa nods, “I never thought you like kids that much. You’re actually good with them.”_

_“I love kids,” Clarke replies. “I’ll have at least ten of my own when I grow up.”_

_Lexa’s eyes bulge. “Ten? Isn’t it too much?” She asks giggling._

_“No,” Clarke shakes her head. “I want a full house,” She shrugs. “I grew up alone, I had you but it’s not the same. Don’t you want your kid to have siblings and not be alone? Like we both were?” Clarke asks._

_Lexa is taken aback by Clarke’s question because honestly she is young and never thought about kids. In addition, she doesn’t think that she would have a normal life like everyone else. “I don’t like kids.” She shrugs lying to her best friend because deep inside she feels the same as Clarke, she wishes she grew up in a full house._

_“One day, you will want one or more. All women does at some point in their lives it is basic biology. Maternal instinct,” Clarke explains and Lexa panics, she is not like most of women._

_“I don’t think so,” Lexa replies negatively again ‘Maternal’ She knows nothing about this word. She never had a mother, well she never met her all she knows about her is that she was beautiful and she looked a little bit like her. All she had left of her is one picture of her. How would she know about maternal instinct or motherhood? She won’t even carry a baby never in her life? Even if she can conceive, a thing she doesn’t even know if she can or not, would she call herself a mother? This was too confusing for her, a mind fuck so she preferred to deny even the possibility._

**Present time; Finn’s apartment,**

**Living-room**

“You should ask Costia if she would like to have kids before popping the big question,” Finn says bringing Lexa back from her thoughts.

“Thanks for the advice.” Lexa smiles sadly at her brother, she wonders why Clarke doesn’t want to have kids.

“Can you talk to her? And try to know what’s wrong with her?”

“Finn, you should be the one talking to her, not me.”

“I don’t think she would talk to me even if I tried,” Finn replies sadly.

Lexa frowns then she hears him adding a detail she wished he never added, “Every time I try, she gets sexual just to get out of the talk we don’t even finish.”

“Ok, I think I heard enough. I'll try and talk to her but seriously getting drunk isn't gonna solve anything Finn. Get your shit together and try to talk to her again,” Lexa says before leaving.

**Octavia’s apartment; Living-room**

“Do you wanna talk about last night? Cause I have things to tell you,” Octavia looks at Clarke trying to meet her eyes but Clarke keeps avoiding to meet hers knowing that she wants to talk about Lexa and she is not ready to do it. Not after what happened yesterday and the way she treated her.

“No,” Clarke replies sternly.

“Come on’ Clarke. She kept looking at you with puppy eyes,” Octavia lets out ignoring her best friend’s reply.

“She was not.”

“She was, and what was weird at some point is that I couldn’t tell if she was eye fucking you or she wanted to kill you…maybe both?” Octavia says thinking back.

“Probably kill me. I ignored her the whole night,” Clarke admits guiltily thinking about the way Lexa looked hurt after she snubbed her.

“Yeah but still she kept staring at you,” Octavia points out and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“O, seriously. I don’t care if she wanted to kill me or she was staring at me. All I care about is to find **_the_** dress for my special day,” Clarke lets out.

“You’re ignoring things instead of facing them. This isn’t a good approach. It might get more complicated the more you ignore it the more it swells and becomes a big fucking mess, Clarke,” Octavia insists again.

“Please, I really don’t wanna talk about Lexa. I’m trying to eat, you know.”

“I’m just saying that you don’t need complicated,” Octavia says.

“You really care? So why did you spend the night flirting with Raven, huh? I mean having my best friend dating my husband’s first love is _complicated_ ,” Clarke lets out angrily.

“Ow, that. Ok” Octavia replies surprised.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke apologizes.

“That’s ok, Clarke. If you don’t feel comfortable seeing me with Raven that’s fine,” Octavia shrugs.

Clarke looks at her then smiles. “No, it's fine. Just don’t get played or hurt in the process,” She warns her best friend. “That woman isn’t simple, I mean she seems crazy like crazy crazy. She made researches about me, that kind of crazy.”

Octavia chuckles and replies, “I would have done the same if it came to you. She just was trying to protect Finn.”

Clarke raises her eyebrow. “How do you know that?”

“I asked her,” Octavia shrugs.

“You asked her?” Clarke asks not believing what she heard and Octavia nods.

“So are you going to let Lexa pay for your wedding dress?” Octavia asks while eating her lunch, Clarke looks up from her plate and throws a ‘ _Are you fucking kidding me’_ look.

“I mean you could revenge and choose a Vera Wang dress and let her pay for it.”

Clarke chuckles. “It won’t happen,” She replies then adds, “Even if I did, I would choose a Marchesa not Vera Wang.”

“Good choice,” Octavia nods approvingly.

“No, I may let her give her brother a gift but it still is my wedding so my rules,” Clarke explains.

“What do you mean?”

“I'll talk to her and set rules,” Clarke shrugs.

“Ok, that’s fair enough.”

Clarke eats her meal and feels Octavia’s eyes piercing holes in her face. “What? I know you want to say something, just say it and stop looking at me like that.”

Octavia chuckles saying, “I just have a question.”

“Ask then,” Clarke replies.

“Why were you so cold with Lexa yesterday? I get it, she said she ignores you and you better do the same but I think she talked about the past, ignore your shared past and not your present.”

Clarke takes a deep breath not knowing what to answer, she shrugs. “I don’t see why I wouldn’t.”

“Come on’ Clarke, maybe yesterday no one noticed but if you keep acting weird around her, someone is gonna notice it,” Octavia says.

Clarke looks away not meeting her best friend’s eyes, she knows why she acted like that but she doesn’t want to admit it. She was jealous and it was hard for her to look at Lexa with someone else. She always had hard time looking at Lexa with someone else even when they were younger.

**_Year 2006; summer vacations_ **

**_France (Day 6)_ **

_Sixteen years old Clarke is waiting impatiently for her best friend Lexa to show up. She was feeling euphoric, the last few days have been really nice. Having Lexa back in her life and spending entire days with her and her friends at her place but she wanted to go out and show Lexa around._

_They were going to meet Luna, Charlotte and Wells to hang out. She will have to introduce Lexa to Wells and hope that they will get along just as Luna and Charlotte did with her. Well, especially Luna who seemed to be clinging to Lexa._

_Lexa was walking with her earphones on, plugged to her iPod heading to Clarke’s place where she has spent the last five days with her and her friends except for yesterday they spent it alone and it was nice._

_She got to be with Clarke almost just like the old days just the two of them. She didn’t mind the twins’ presence as they were cute, and she loved watching Clarke being lovely and sweet to them._

_It was the most adorable thing Lexa witnessed lately, she couldn’t help thinking about the few moments she had with her whenever they were hiding or after Luna’s mother came and picked the twins up. Clarke was all hers, they went back inside and listened to some music in her room. She showed her some old pictures of her of the years she missed and told her the story of each picture._

_Lexa noticed the weird feeling she felt in her heart when looking at the pictures, Clarke was never alone if not with random classmates, Wells Clarke’s friend was in them and she is about to meet him today. It was jealousy but Lexa didn’t understand it she focused on the positive ‘Clarke’._

_“Hey,” Clarke smiles seeing her best friend and leans in for a hug. Lexa holds Clarke longer in her arms._

_“Missed me?” Clarke teases and Lexa feels her cheeks turn crimson red. She lets go of her best friend but doesn’t take a step back._

_“Yeah,” She replies honestly looking into blue eyes. “Already a week,” She says and Clarke nods with a sad smile._

_“Time flies so fast when I’m happy,” Lexa adds._

_“Don’t remind me,” Clarke replies looking into green eyes then she takes a step back and notices that Lexa is listening to something._

_She takes an earphone from Lexa and checks what Lexa is listening to then her eyes widen comically. “Chanson française?” She lets out surprised. She didn’t know that Lexa is into the old French music._

_Lexa smiles and shrugs. “It's to keep my French,” She justifies. In reality, Lexa loved the lyrics she always loved words and found solace in them._

_Clarke chuckles. “Love songs? Are you hiding something from me Lexa?” Clarke asks playfully making Lexa uncomfortable. Indeed, Lexa was hiding a lot from her best friend, the fact that she is different, the fact that she has feelings for her, not just friendly ones, and more than Clarke has for her but this one Lexa is hiding it even from herself trying to ignore it. She is also hiding the fact that she is attracted to girls._

_“I…umm..no?” Lexa stutters feeling her cheeks burning. Clarke looks intently into green eyes spotting something unfamiliar then decides to give Lexa a break and stop teasing her. She knows Lexa is not good at expressing her thoughts but when she wants to share with her she does._

_“Ok, let’s go they’re waiting for us,” Clarke says taking Lexa’s hand and pulling her with her. Lexa wants to go, but she is feeling a little bit stressed and Clarke could feel it. “Don’t worry Wells is a sweetheart and he is not as crazy as Luna and Charlotte you’ll love him,” She reassures her best friend._

_When they finally arrive, Lexa’s gaze falls instinctively on Wells to whom Clarke storms to and hugs him. She doesn’t fail to notice the way he nuzzles into Clarke’s hair and smiles eyes closed._

_Luna is the first one to greet Lexa of course followed by Charlotte then Wells walks to her with a friendly smile. “Wells,” He says shaking her hand while his other hand is around Clarke’s shoulder._

_Lexa smiles politely at him and tries to not stare at him and Clarke together after they all finished greeting each other and started walking. Fortunately, she got Luna to distract her along with Charlotte on their way to Disney Land park._

_Clarke was trying to catch up with Wells because she didn’t see him for a while but she tried to get Lexa’s attention from time to time to not let her excluded but Lexa was trying to avoid looking at Clarke with Wells. She was jealous._

_Once they got there, they started the attractions all together then when they were standing in the line of the rollercoaster, Lexa walked out._

_“Lexa?” Clarke frowns calling her best friend. She tries to catch her and see what’s wrong but sees Luna ahead of her._

_“She's fine, Luna is with her,” Wells says holding her hand pulling her back in the line with him._

_“Lexa?” Lexa hears Luna’s voice calling her and stops at her tracks and waits for her._

_“Ne me dis pas que tu as peur des hauteurs !”_ _(Don’t tell me you fear the heights !)_ _Luna exclaims._

_Lexa shrugs. “Un peu,” (A little,) She confesses with a blush in her cheeks._

_“Mignon,” (Cute,) Luna flirts pinching lightly Lexa’s nose who smiles at her. She likes the way Luna flirts with her, she likes the way she makes her feel._

_“Aller, on se prend une glace en attendant,” (Come on, we take an ice cream while we’re waiting,) Luna suggests hooking her arm around Lexa’s._

_Clarke kept looking back at Lexa and saw the way Luna was with Lexa, and couldn’t help herself staring at them. She wanted to leave the line and join them. She realized that she didn’t talk to her, not even once since they met her other friends. She spent her time with Wells and from time to time Charlotte would join them in the conversation leaving Luna and Lexa alone._

_She feels jealous at the way Lexa opened easily to Luna and is smiling and talking to her. She was used to Lexa who only talked with her and was a friend of her. She likes Luna, she is her friend but she doesn’t like the way she is taking Lexa’s attention from her. She has never been jealous of a friend or anything, but today she is, and it is bothering her._

_When it is finally their turn and they finish the ride, Clarke rushes out not giving Wells the time to catch her she wants to spend the rest of her day with Lexa because she doesn’t have much time with her and she knows she will regret it later._

_The sight in front of her ignites even more her jealousy, she stops not able to move and feels angry. Luna gave Lexa a kiss, a chaste one, just a peck but it was enough to make Clarke uncomfortable. She averts her gaze away and regrets not waiting for Wells._

_Clarke spends the rest of the day ignoring Lexa who didn’t miss the way her best friend looked angrily at her but she couldn’t ask her, not with everyone around. She waited on their way back home to do it, Both Luna and Charlotte left at two stops before Clarke, Wells and her._

_She felt awkward sitting silently with Clarke and Wells while they were chatting together but she wanted to talk to Clarke and see what she did wrong for Clarke to ignore her. However, Wells seemed to butt his head in her plan._ _“Lexa c’est ton arret, c’est plus prêt de ton hotel.”_ _(Lexa it is your stop, it is closer to your hotel.)_

_Instead of answering him, Lexa looks at Clarke hoping that she will understand that she wants to talk to her, to spend more time with her if it’s possible but Clarke averts her gaze to not meet Lexa’s green eyes._

_“Merci, mais je veux parler à Clarke un peu avant de rentrer,” (Thanks, but I wanna talk to Clarke a little bit before going back,) Lexa says still trying to meet Clarke’s blue eyes._

_When Wells left, Clarke kept looking at the window avoiding Lexa, it hurt the brunette but she needed to know why Clarke is acting weird._

_“Clarke?” Lexa says with a soft voice, Clarke hums without looking at her._

_“Are you mad at me?”_

_“I’m not mad,” Clarke finally looks at Lexa. “I’m just angry. Why didn’t you tell me that you're into girls?” Lexa’s eyes widen she was not expecting it._

_She gapes not knowing what to reply neither how Clarke knows it._

_“I saw you kissing Luna,” Clarke says annoyed. “I thought I’m your best friend and we share everything. Why would you hide that from me?” Clarke asks again, Lexa looks at her eyes and sees hurt._

_“She kissed me,” Lexa corrects._

_“Do you like her?” Clarke asks confused and Lexa shrugs._

_“You do like her if you kissed her,” Clarke remarks._

_“She kissed me and yes I like her but…” Lexa doesn’t know how to feel about Luna._

_“Ok,” Clarke nods. “I just don’t get why you hid it from me. I knew Luna might be gay because she stares at girls like boys do but I didn’t know you're,” Clarke insists._

_“Clarke, I’ve always been attracted to girls but I never came out to anyone except for my cousin who caught me watching the L word. I didn’t know how to tell you,” Lexa explains._

_“You should ask her out,” Clarke suggests._

_“Luna?” Lexa asks surprised and Clarke nods._

_Lexa looks away from blue afraid that she might say something she shouldn’t, “I don’t know.”_

_“Why not? You should give it a try,” Clarke says nudging her best friend’s shoulder with her own._

_“No,” Lexa finally replies then looks back into Clarke’s blue eyes. “I wanna spend every day with you, every moment I can get with you.”_

_Clarke smiles her tongue peeking between her teeth and Lexa feels butterflies in her stomach, her favorite smile. The smile she fell in love with years ago._

_“I’d love that,” Clarke admits omitting the fact that she was jealous._

_“Can we spend the day alone tomorrow, just the two of us?” Lexa asks warily._

_“Of course,” Clarke answers, her cheeks turning bright red._

_“Cool,” Lexa adds looking away and takes Clarke’s hand in hers discreetly. When Clarke doesn’t take her hand back, Lexa releases a breath she was holding._

_None of them dares to break the comfortable silence and the sweet moment, Lexa walks Clarke back home hand in hand, and feels a dull ache when they finally arrive._

**Present time; Octavia’s apartment;**

**Living-room**

“Earth to Clarke,” Octavia tries to get Clarke’s attention who zoned out.

“Sorry,” Clarke whispers taking another bite from her meal.

“So do you have a cooking lesson today?”

“Yeah,” Clarke replies after taking a gulp from her drink.

“I am coming then,” Octavia says quickly.

“It’s not in her restaurant, it’s at her apartment,” Clarke says looking apologetically. “Maybe next time?” She suggests.

“That’s fine. But I must say you’re getting serious with that woman,” Octavia jokes.

“Shut up, O,” Clarke replies not liking her best friend’s twisted humor.

**_Later…_ **

**At Costia's apartment, Costia's kitchen**

Clarke walks into Costia's apartment and is surprised to find the kitchen first, apparently Costia used the living-room and turned it into a kitchen because it is a bigger space. Costia's kitchen is worth of famous chefs with the edgy decoration and equipment very similar to her restaurant's kitchen yet it still has few personal touches, it is warmer. 

Costia puts her keys and phone on the counter and walks to the middle of the kitchen while Clarke is eyeing the decoration. She looks at her guest with a friendly smile and asks spreading her hands wide open to gesture at the space around them, "So! What do you think of my kitchen?"

Clarke takes few steps. "It’s beautiful," She replies first. "It looks like the one at your restaurant but it's better," She comments.

Costia smiles knowingly. "Well it's more cozy and more me, of course." 

"Exactly, the walls are warm and colorful," Clarke says noticing some pictures hanging on the wall.

"You're an artist, right. You wouldn't miss it," Costia replies with a smile then adds, "Make yourself home Clarke, I'll just change." 

"Thank you," Clarke replies with a smile.

Clarke walks deeper into the kitchen towards the pictures hanging on the wall, most of them are of Costia with people Clarke doesn’t recognize but assumes that it is her family and friends.

She only recognizes one picture where all Raven, Anya and Lexa are with her. Of course her eyes fell directly on the Lexa who was had her arm around Costia’s waist and smiling at the camera. She felt a tug in her heart but didn’t want to linger on it, she averted her eyes to the next picture and her heart stopped.

She blinked and frowned taking a step further to watch the details, it was a selfie apparently taken by Costia, and Lexa was behind her. Both were smiling goofily at the camera. It was not what caught Clarke’s attention but rather the painting in the background behind Costia and Lexa.

A part of her which was stubbornly trying to get over Lexa and believed that she is not the Lexa she used to know, doubted that it was her painting ‘ _Maybe it was just something similar_ ’ Lexa doesn’t even care about her why would she ever keep her painting that long?

However, the other part of her was one hundred percent sure that the painting is hers, she would recognize it among others, she did it, she painted it and she knew the setting and everything about it was familiar.

****

**_Year 2006; Summer vacations_ **

**_France (Day 7)_ **

****

_Lexa spent an hour getting ready, something she never did before she was partly nervous because it felt like a date. When she asked Clarke to spend time only with her and Clarke looked at her with a toothy smile her heart fluttered and it was different._

_Even Clarke’s look was different, she felt the blood rushing to her cheeks and noticed Clarke’s blush too, ‘Clarke felt the same about it.’ It sounded like a date and not just friends hanging out._

_That’s why Lexa is now knocking nervously on the Griffin’s door, Jake opens and she barely greets him when Clarke runs into the living room wearing a sundress taking Lexa’s breath away. Lexa smiles at her and bites her lip and Jake notices it._

_“Lexa!” Clarke lets out joyfully wrapping her arms around her best friend’s waist._

_Lexa smiles and is happy at the way Clarke greets her but feels a little bit uncomfortable at the way Clarke tighten her arms around her waist. She doesn’t want Clarke to know, not like that not today. Just yesterday she came out to her, she wasn’t gonna add to it._

_“You look beautiful,” Lexa whispers against Clarke’s hair._

_Clarke leans back from the hug and smiles. “Thank you,” She says taking Lexa’s hand in hers and walking her to her bedroom._

_“I’ve a surprise for you. It’s not finished yet but I’ll manage to finish it in two or three days,” Clarke says happily._

_Lexa smiles and wonders happily then Clarke stops her at the bedroom’s door. “Wait, close your eyes and let me walk you,” She says waiting for Lexa to do as asked._

_Lexa bites her lip and nods, “Ok.” she closes her eyes and lets herself guided by Clarke. After few steps into Clarke’s room she feels Clarke’s hand squeezing hers. “You can open now.”_

_Lexa opens her eyes and looks at a half-finished canvas, it was not fully painted but the outlines were clear._

_“Beautiful,” Lexa lets out then looks at Clarke. “You did it?” Clarke nods happy that Lexa likes it._

_Lexa takes a step further and stares at the details then looks at Clarke in disbelief, “It’s us, isn’t it?” She asks not sure if this is what Clarke wanted to picture._

_“Yes, do you like it?” Clarke takes a step closer standing shoulder to shoulder next to Lexa._

_“I love it but why exactly this moment?” Lexa asks bluntly turning to face Clarke._

_Clarke blushes and hesitates for a moment then says, “It felt the right one to capture.” She shrugs “It was just us like back in the days, it was a happy moment and I want you to have it when you’re back home,” Clarke explains._

_“Thank you,” Lexa breathes out taking Clarke in a tight embrace, she wraps one arm around Clarke’s neck and the second one around her waist then says again, “Merci.” She takes her hands off of Clarke slowly to not make things awkward as the embrace already lasted longer than a friendly one._

_Clarke doesn’t take a step back from Lexa’s personal space and stares at her green eyes, her gaze fall to the plump lips of her best friend and then back to her eyes. Lexa wants to kiss Clarke so badly but she knows she cannot and it might scare Clarke away because she knows her best friend is not gay._

_So instead of teasing and torturing herself further, Lexa does the first move and takes a step back and averts her eyes to not lose control._

**Present time; At Costia's apartment**

**Costia's kitchen**

Clarke is brought back from her thoughts by Costia’s voice, “Ready?” Clarke looks back at her Costia and smiles. “Always” She says.

Clarke gives Costia a hard time, she didn’t mean to exhaust Costia but she couldn not help failing at almost everything she tried as her mind was busy with thoughts of Lexa and their past together. That summer was the happiest and the most fucked up one in her life.

She wonders why would Lexa keep that canvas? And where was it? She must cherish that memory as much as her, if she kept it all these years. It doesn’t make sense for Clarke and at the same time she feels guilty at treating Lexa like shit yesterday.

She thinks back at Octavia’s words, maybe she is right. What Lexa meant was ignoring their past together and not Clarke’s existence as she clearly kept something of her, of them. Maybe she just did not want to make things complicated and just keep her brother’s relationship and marriage safe.

It was childish to completely ignore her and now Clarke feels remorseful about it. she makes a note to herself to ask Finn about Lexa’s number and go to see her and get over with the talk they need to have about the wedding and take the opportunity to apologize and ask her about the canvas.

“Do you want us to stop, Clarke?” Costia suggests.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke says pinching the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know, I’m just tired today,” She excuses herself.

“That’s ok, Clarke. Don’t worry, even I have some days where I fail at the basics,” Costia says smiling at Clarke. “Take a drink and wait for me I’ll finish everything.”

“No, it's fine. I’ll help so we can finish faster and take a drink together,” Clarke replies.

“Alright,” Costia adds going back to what she was doing.

Few minutes later, Clarke hears a light knock on the door then the sound of the keys. She looks questioningly at Costia who reassures her. “It must be Lexa.”

Indeed, it is Lexa. She steps into the apartment and Clarke feels like her heart is about to explode, her mind is full of their memories feeling nostalgic and now Lexa walks in looking beautiful in her suit, she looked tired but beautiful.

“Hey,” Lexa says looking quickly at Costia then back at Clarke, she doesn’t know how she should act around Clarke anymore as she ignored her and totally snubbed her yesterday night. Costia walks to her girlfriend and kisses her and Clarke averts her gaze.

“I didn’t know you had company otherwise I would have called,” Lexa says feeling uncomfortable.

Before Costia replies, Clarke does, “It’s ok, we finished and I was about to leave anyway,” She fakes a smile at Lexa while taking off her apron.

“Don’t be silly Clarke. Stay with us for a drink then I’ll drive you home,” Costia says.

“Maybe another time, Costia. Don’t worry I’ll take an uber,” Clarke replies.

“I’ll drive you while Costia gets ready,” Lexa interrupts looking at Costia who smiles at her. “Ok. Is it fine with you, Clarke?” Costia asks looking back at Clarke.

Clarke hesitates, she did not see that coming. Why would Lexa want to drive her home while she ignored her yesterday and treated her like shit?

Lexa hopes Clarke would agree so she can have a private moment with her and talk to her about Finn. She does not know what she would say to her but she promised her brother to talk to her. At least she will try and see if she can get any sense in Clarke.

“Of course,” Clarke smiles nervously then adds, “thank you Costia for everything.” She takes few steps and hugs her, Lexa’s heart tug feeling jealous again.


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke leaves Costia’s apartment with a weird feeling, she is about to be in a car with Lexa and only Lexa. She wants to talk to her about the painting, their painting and why would she ask her to ignore her while she keeps it.

After seeing it, Clarke felt nostalgic and somehow better about seeing Lexa again. Having her back in her life thinking that maybe, just maybe one day they can be friends again. She is not stupid she knows they cannot be as close as they used to be, water has flowed under the bridge. But at least she will not resent her anymore and they would be able to be around each other without so much drama.

Lexa gets in her car feeling nervous at Clarke’s proximity. The first thing Lexa notices is Clarke’s perfume which almost suffocates her in a delicious way. She opens the winds so she can think clearly before even starting off the engine. She needs some air so she can talk to Clarke about Finn and fulfill her promise to him.

Even if Clarke was determined to talk to Lexa, she keeps silent. She wants to speak to say anything but she does not know why her body betrays her and does not obey her.

“How are you, Clarke?” Lexa asks breaking the silence.

Clarke takes a deep breath then replies, “Fine, you?”

Lexa looks at her than back to the road, “Good.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Lexa asks warily but Clarke does not answer. She thinks Lexa is about to ask her about yesterday so after few minutes of silence she says, “I’m sorry, Lexa.”

Lexa frowns then looks at Clarke then back to the road when Clarke explains, “I shouldn’t have given you the cold shoulder that way, it was childish.”

“That’s fine, Clarke,” Lexa replies.

“Fine!” Clarke exclaims feeling angry and it is Lexa’s turn to keep silent.

“What do you mean by fine?” Clarke asks, “So, that’s how you want us to be?” This time her tone gets a pitch higher.

“I don’t want _us,_ ” Lexa stresses her last word. Internally, she feels happy that Clarke feels guilty at snubbing her and apologizes. She forces herself to not smile, deep down she wants to stop the car and hug Clarke but she cannot. She cannot do it, she needs to keep her resolution. Clarke is Finn’s fiancée and he is her brother. For God’s sake, he asked her to talk to her about them - him and Clarke.

“I’ve got that message wide and clear long ago, don’t worry. What I mean is if we keep acting like that with one another someone might notice it and _you_ don’t want that, do you?” Clarke fires back.

Lexa frowns at the first part of Clarke’s reply but quickly pushes her thoughts away, she needs to focus on the present. The most important things first, Finn. She agrees, “No. You’re right”

“Good,” Clarke adds sternly.

“I was with Finn earlier this morning,” Lexa says and Clarke looks at her then Lexa speaks again, “He's afraid, he thinks you don’t want to marry him. Is it true, Clarke?”

Clarke’s lips part then close, she doesn’t answer and Lexa insists, “Clarke, is it true?”

“I’m not talking to you about my fiancé," Clarke says avoiding to reply Lexa’s question.

Lexa sighs, she is tired of this situation each time she talks to Clarke they end up arguing.

“He's my brother, Clarke,” Lexa says in a softer voice then explains, “What am I supposed to do? He called me drunk and begged me to talk to you”.

Clarke looks at her again for a moment then says, “Thank you, consider it done. I’ll talk to him.”

Lexa is not satisfied by Clarke’s answer, she pulls over the side of the road making Clarke frown.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asks but Lexa does not answer until she turns off the engine and looks at her seriously. Clarke raises her eyebrow and Lexa speaks, “Clarke, do you want to marry Finn or not?”

“Of course, I do,” Clarke replies annoyed.

“Then why is he doubting everything? Why don’t you want kids with him?” Lexa blurts out and Clarke’s eyes widen.

“What?” Clarke asks with wide eyes.

“You heard me, Clarke. Don’t make me repeat my questions,” Lexa replies in a commanding tone leaving Clarke flabbergasted.

“This is none of your business, Lexa,” Clarke replies defensively then unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the door to leave but Lexa is quick enough and grabs her wrist.

Clarke tries to free herself from Lexa’s death grip but to no avail. Lexa starts off her car not giving Clarke the chance to leave.

“Your seatbelt, Clarke,” Lexa orders firmly.

“What? I’m your prisoner now?” Clarke asks mockingly.

“Yes, until you stop being stubborn,” Lexa replies.

“You really are sick, aren’t you Lexa? Where the hell are you taking me?” Clarke lets out angrily.

“Home,” Lexa replies trying to focus on the road.

Clarke lets out an exasperated huff, buckles her seatbelt again and looks at the window with arms crossed over her chest.

Few minutes later, Clarke recognizes Lexa’s properties and frowns, “This is not my home.”

“I know,” Lexa’s only reply is. When she stops her car, she looks at Clarke and takes a deep breath. “Clarke, I think we should talk. Once and for all…can you do that? Maybe peacefully, please?” Lexa almost begs her.

Clarke blinks slowly few times trying to assimilate the words she just heard, this all she was asking for, all she wanted in the first place but Lexa kept pushing her and refusing it and now she is willing to talk.

She stares into green eyes debating with herself whether she should agree or not then nods silently hoping that it is the right choice.

“Thank you,” Lexa whispers then gets out of her car and gestures for Clarke to follow her. Clarke walks behind her hesitantly feeling a rapid thumping of her heart against her chest and tries to control it by taking deep breaths but in vain.

She was about to talk to Lexa, a thing she craved to do since she met her that night, hell even longer since _**her Lexa**_ left her. She could tell her so many things, ask her so many questions that were left unanswered.

Lexa walked into her mansion with steady steps making Clarke almost envious at her self-control while she was a mess behind her trying hardly to breathe and calm her racing heartbeat.

She could recognize the door that few days prior she pushed and opened, the same door Lexa is opening now and gestures for her to come in. Clarke tries to look composed and intrigued as if she was seeing the interior of the office for the first time.

She walks to the wall where Lexa’s pictures with her mom were, she looked at them then back to Lexa who now is fidgeting with her phone probably texting Costia that she will be late.

“I thought you had one picture of your mom? I thought that...” Lexa doesn’t give Clarke the chance to finish her questioning when she replies, “That’s what I believed too until my father died and I found them.” She smiles sadly at her.

Clarke opens her mouth to say something but then refrains, what is she supposed to say? I’m sorry? I’m happy for you? She could notice the pain in Lexa’s eyes, she feels the urge to walk to her and give her a comforting hug but she cannot so she looks back at the pictures and lingers this time around, as she is allowed to.

She smiles at one of the pictures. “You’re cute,” She comments pointing at the picture and Lexa walks closer to her and looks at it and nods.

“This one is apparently the last one that was taken with her, but I don’t remember anything of her so it is important for me to have them here,” She felt the need to explain.

Clarke turns to look at Lexa and smiles at her, Lexa’s eyes studies her face for a moment then smiles back at her. “We should talk as weird as it may seem we need to get over with it,” Lexa says looking into Clarke’s blue eyes who simply nods and looks at her expectantly.

Lexa feels nervous at the way Clarke’s blue eyes are looking at her; she walks back to her desk and gestures for Clarke to sit.

Clarke sits across from Lexa and keeps silent, she wants to see what Lexa have in mind when she said they needed to talk, _‘once and for all’._

“I want us to talk about our situation,” Lexa finally gets it and says.

Clarke looks questioningly at her. “Define ‘ _our_ ’ please because it seems lately I’m mixing things,” She says sarcastically.

“Us, Finn you and me,” Lexa replies.

“I don’t think it's a good idea, Lexa. I’m about to marry Finn, not Finn and Lexa. If you want to talk, I think we should begin from the start not the other way around,” Clarke replies seriously but softly. Lexa nods even if she was not really ready to do it.

“Ok,” Clarke adds.

“I think you should begin,” Clarke suggests.

“Why me?” Lexa asks.

“Because you wanted to talk, didn’t you?” Clarke looks at her trying to understand what Lexa was thinking.

Lexa gulps. “I don’t know how to do it,” She says honestly. “I never was good with words and you know it, if you have any questions or things you want to know or clarify I'll answer.”

Clarke looks at her for a moment then nods. “Ok, this is difficult for me as much as it is for you,” Clarke explains then adds, “But I think I know where I wanna start.”

Lexa nods looking expectantly at Clarke waiting for her, Clarke looks back at her for a moment trying to gather her strength then says, “Did you love me?”

Lexa wasn’t expecting Clarke’s question, she raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Is it really your question?” She asks in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Clarke replies trying hard to hide the emotional wreck in her but Lexa does not miss it.

“Yes, I did and…” She replies and pauses for a moment before adding, “and you were my first love,” ‘ _The only one_ ’ She wants to add but she cannot, she would have dared to say it if Finn is not in the picture.

Clarke feels a lump in her throat she gulps and smiles, “Ok.” Lexa looks at her for a moment thinking why Clarke is doubting and questioning the obvious.

“Did you?” Lexa lets out then bites her lip for the slip up, Clarke nods instead of replying with words not trusting herself.

Lexa thinks for a moment questioning everything she had ever believed in, if Clarke loved her why didn’t she contact her, why didn’t she reply to any of her letters nor phone calls?

She must have been disgusted by her anatomy, this is the only obvious reason or she regretted, but when she remembers the way they both were Clarke seemed honest about her feelings. In addition, she told her that she loved her no matter what.

_**Year 2006; summer vacations**_

_**France (Day 12)** _

_During the last few days, Lexa and Clarke have been avoiding to hang out with Luna and Charlotte. Well, mostly Clarke who made sure to let her friends know that she was not going to meet them or just told them that she would be hanging out with Lexa only to catch up with her._

_In fact, she wanted to spend time only with Lexa feeling jealous of her friends, jealous to share Lexa’s attention with them especially now that she feels closer to her. She was specifically jealous of Luna._

_But today, it is Luna’s birthday and she can’t possibly have Lexa for her. Lexa went out with Clarke to buy a present for Luna and then when they came back, Clarke rushed to her room and changed her clothes._

_Clarke put a blue sleeveless sundress and again she takes Lexa’s breath away when she comes back to the living room. Lexa eyes her and compliments her, Clarke doesn’t miss the way Lexa’s eyes fall down to her cleavage. She noticed it the other day when they were in the swimming pool and it didn’t bother her on the contrary she liked it when Lexa checked her out and she found herself wearing purposely her most cleavage showing t-shirts and dresses._

_As soon as they walk into Luna’s house, she runs to them and hugs Clarke then she turns to Lexa and engulfs her in a bigger hug, Clarke does not miss it._

_"Viens tout le monde veux faire ta connaissance," (Come on' everyone wants to meet you,) Luna says taking Lexa's hand in hers and pulls her with her further leaving Clarke alone behind them._

_Lexa turns and looks at Clarke and gives her an apologetic smile and Clarke smiles back at her despite feeling a sting in her heart._

_They just arrived and Clarke already wants to leave, she doesn't like to be away from Lexa when she can be with her, she knows she will have plenty of time without her._

_Luna introduces Lexa to every one of her friends and spends most of the afternoon with Luna, Clarke notices Luna walking Lexa to her room and her heart aches._

_"Je veux te montrer quelque chose, Lexa," (I wanna show you something, Lexa,) Luna whispers in Lexa's ear and Lexa feels her cheeks turn red, Luna's voice is sultry more than usual._

_Just when she is about to reply she feels Luna's hand pulling her. Luna takes her to her room and closes the door behind them._

_Luna looks nervously at Lexa and bites her lip then says, "Je veux juste avoir un petit moment avec toi...seule," (I just want to have a moment with you...alone,) Luna says and Lexa smiles at her nervously._

_"Je suis là," (I'm here,) Lexa replies with a shrug._

_Luna sits on her bed and taps on it asking Lexa to join her, when Lexa does Luna speaks again, "Lexa, veux-tu sortir avec moi?" (Lexa, do you wanna go out with me?)_

_Lexa looks at her for few seconds then gulps, "comme amies ou?" (As friends or?) Lexa doesn't even finish her question feeling nervous._

_Luna leans in and kisses Lexa instead of replying, it is not a chaste kiss as the one she gave her at Disney land._

_The kiss is sweet and Lexa wants to reciprocate but she remembers Clarke, she is the only one she would like to kiss._ _She pulls back stuttering, "I'm sorry...je suis désolé Luna mais..je...j'aime quelqu'un d'autre."_ _(I'm sorry...I'm sorry Luna but I love someone else.)_

_Luna smiles sadly at her and nods "Clarke?" Lexa's eyes widen she tries to deny shaking her head but Luna looks at her knowingly and Lexa nods._

_"Tu devrais lui dire," (You should tell her,) Luna says._

_"Je ne veux pas la perdre," (I don't wanna lose her,) Lexa replies shaking her head then adds, "Elle n'est pas gay."_ _(She's not gay.)_

_Luna smiles at Lexa, "Lexa, Clarke ne le sait pas encore mais elle l'est pour toi, tu n'as pas remarqué comment elle te mate?"_ _(Lexa, Clarke doesn't know it yet but she's gay for you. Didn't you notice the way she checks you out?)_

_Lexa frowns, she doesn't know if she did or not. It is confusing for her because Clarke has always looked at her and is affectionate with her and Lexa cannot say if it is more than what best friends should be and do for one another._

_She did notice a change in Clarke after she came out. Clarke was clingier to her and looks differently at her now._

_"Je ne sais pas," (I don't know,) Lexa finally says._

_Luna chuckles. "Ok, je vais t'aider, Lexa," (Ok, I'm gonna help you, Lexa,) Luna replies and suggests to keep flirting with her to make Clarke jealous and tells her to notice the way Clarke will react._

_Lexa smiles nervously, she doesn't know if this will work because Clarke was the one who suggested for her to take Luna on a date and even if it does she is not sure how she feels about making Clarke jealous but she agrees nonetheless._

_Clarke waits impatiently for the two girls to show up again and when they finally come back, she gris her teeth at the sight. Luna has her hand intertwined with Lexa’s._

_She averts her eyes feeling weird, why would she be jealous of Luna? Lexa is her best friend and nothing more, she looks again at the way Luna is acting and unlike usual, Lexa is not neutral._

_Lexa is even flirting back and smiling at Luna which irritates her even more. She looks away again trying to ignore her feelings and tries to enjoy her time with her friends but then when she sees Luna whispering something to Lexa who smiles and looks at her, she decides to leave hoping that Lexa will want to leave with her._

_"Joyeux anniversaire Luna, je vais rentrer?"_ _(Happy birthday Luna, I'm gonna go) Clarke says looking at Luna who now has her arm around Lexa’s shoulders._

_"Merci," (Thank you,) Luna replies with a smile. Lexa calls Clarke who completely ignores her and leaves._

_Clarke glances at Lexa then leaves, Luna notices Clarke's look and nudges Lexa ,"Tu vois, ça a marché. Vas la rattraper." (See, it worked. Go after her.)_

_Lexa looks sadly at her, "Elle ne m'a même pas regardé. Elle est faché." (She didn't even look at me. She's mad at me.)_

_"Mais non, Lexa. Vas y," (No, Lexa. Go,) Luna encourages her friend._

_Lexa rushes to catch Clarke who is already about to take a turn she calls for her but Clarke doesn't stop so she runs and when she finally catches her, she tugs at her arm0 "Clarke, Attends." (Clarke, Wait.)_

_Clarke stops and looks seriously at her. "Tu ne devrais pas être avec Luna?" (Shouldn't you be with Luna?) She spits out anger apparent in her tone._

_Lexa looks at Clarke intently, she feels guilty. Guilty and stupid._

_"You're my best friend not Luna," She lets out softly._

_Clarke doesn't react first, she looks into Lexa's green eyes searching for something and finds it, sincerity. She smiles at her and resumes her path, Lexa next to her walking silently._

_Once they are at Clarke's front door, Clarke looks into her best friend's eyes. "Do you want to come over?" She asks then comments, "It's not late."_

_Lexa bites her lip then nods. “Ok.” Clarke smiles happy that she got Lexa to stay with her and enjoy her presence longer because she could not earlier._

_The two best friends head to the kitchen first to have some refreshment then sits in the living-room. Clarke wants to ask Lexa about what Luna was telling her and why did she take her to her room but she doesn’t want to let Lexa know that she is jealous more than she clearly showed it earlier. She doesn’t even know why she was feeling that jealous, it never happened to her with any of her friends. Well, she knows but she is not sure._

_Lexa wants to tell Clarke about what happened but she doesn’t know how. So she prefers to let it go and not mention it, she makes a note to herself to ask Luna to stop making Clarke jealous. She would rather have Clarke like that, as her best friend than not at all. After all, she came to France for her. Just for her._

_“So you and Luna?” Clarke asks, she couldn’t keep it longer for herself._

_Lexa blushes and Clarke takes it for a reply then Lexa shakes her head. “No,” Lexa simply denies._

_“Ok,” Clarke says looking back at the Tv._

_“She asked me out but I said no," Lexa says eyes still on the Tv._

_Clarke looks at her surprised. “Why? You seemed pretty close,” She comments._

_“I know but I have feelings for someone else," Clarke frowns. “Oh, ok.”_

_“Have you always been attracted to girls?” Clarke asks boldly, she really wants to know as she is doubting her own sexuality now._

_“I…yeah,” Lexa replies._

_“You never told me,” Clarke remarks in a whisper, it isn’t an accusation just a remark._

_Lexa smiles nervously at her. “Because you’re a girl,” She shrugs._

_Clarke chuckles. “Are you saying that you were attracted to me?” She asks jokingly._

_Lexa nods and Clarke’s eyes brighten, she lets out a soft, “Oh.”_

_“How did you know? I mean that you like girls?” Clarke asks._

_“I don’t know, I just knew. I felt attracted to girls and never to boys,” She shrugs._

_“Ok,” Clarke says and looks back at the Tv, after few minutes she speaks again, “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier.”_

_“It’s ok, Clarke,” She smiles at her best friend._

_“I don’t know why I didn’t like that you were away from me, Lexa,” Clarke admits then she looks at her again and puts her hand on Lexa’s so she looks at her. “I felt jealous,” She lets out almost in a whisper._

_Lexa looks questioningly at her. “Why? You've no reason to be jealous Clarke. You’re my best friend. Luna is your friend and a friend of my best friend,” She explains._

_“No, Lexa. I wasn't jealous because of your friendship but what she…you two can have,” Clarke finally comes to the conclusion making Lexa’s jaw drop._

_Lexa does not want to think of Clarke that way, she knows she is straight and she does not want to get her hopes up about something that cannot happen._

_“I told you, Clarke. We've nothing,” Lexa reminds her._

_“I know but...I don’t want you to have anything with anyone but me,” Clarke lets out feeling tired of tiptoeing around._

_“What?” Lexa’s eyes bulge out._

_"I think I like both. Boys and girls. The other day when you took my hand in the train back home, I felt something I can't explain but I...I wanted you to kiss me, to hug me," Clarke says shyly._

_Lexa cannot believe what she is hearing, Clarke wants to kiss HER._

_"Are you sure?" Lexa asks, she knows she loves Clarke she loves her as a friend and as a lover too but she is not ready to lose her just because she has feelings for her._ _Clarke nods looking down at Lexa’s lips then back to her eyes and she feels her blood running to her cheeks._

_To say that Lexa was surprised, it is an understatement. She didn’t know what to understand of it. Is Clarke telling her that she feels the same for her, that she felt the same pull towards her the other day when they were in the train back home? She keeps silent then she hears Clarke speaking again._

_“The painting is to capture the moment I realized I'm in love with you, when you held my hand I felt something…I don’t know I was happy more than I’ve ever been.”_

_Lexa’s eyes well in tears, she was never expecting this not in her wildest dreams._

_“Lexa?” Clarke worries seeing Lexa’s tears, “I’m sorry, I love you…I know you have feelings for someone else…I just…we can be just friends” Clarke’s own tears starts to roll down her cheeks “Best friends…I love you no matter what.”_

_Lexa shakes her head. “No, Clarke. It’s happy tears,” She tries to get Clarke’s attention but Clarke continues to mumble. In fact, Lexa zoned out for a moment thinking about how lucky she was to have Clarke as her best friend and love her back, she is happy about everything and she is overwhelmed until she saw Clarke’s cheeks shining with tears._

_Lexa leans in and pushes her lips tenderly against Clarke’s, the kiss is messy with tears but it seems to calm Clarke enough to stop mumbling. When she feels Clarke sighs she leans back but keeps her forehead against Clarke’s and whispers, “I love YOU, Clarke. I have feelings for you and…that’s why I said no to Luna. I love you.”_

_Clarke chuckles her eyes still closed when she opens them she wipes Lexa’s tears then her own and just as Lexa is about to talk, Clarke interrupts, “Shut up and kiss me again."_

_Clarke leans back towards Lexa and looks up at green eyes waiting for her to close the remaining distance._

_Lexa hesitates she is about to take a step back when Clarke grabs her shirt and pushes her body against her. "Kiss me," Clarke whispers making Lexa's knees go weak._

_They both lean in and their lips meet. Lexa feels her heart swell into her chest, the kiss is sweet and tender, it lasts few seconds yet it is long enough for both pour their feelings into it then Clarke detaches her lips from Lexa's._

_Lexa opens her eyes, afraid that Clarke did not like it or might regret it but she meets Clarke smiling, staring at her lips while biting her own lip._

_"We should stop before your parents come," Lexa says snapping Clarke out of her staring._

_"Yeah, we should," Clarke looks into green eyes and smiles._

_Lexa is silent she is stressing inside 'What if things are going to be awkward between us? What if Clarke is going to avoid me? What if...what if?' Lexa asks herself and feeling more and more nervous. Then, she feels Clarke's hands in hers, it calms her down a little bit. It's like Clarke could read her mind and is trying to reassure her that nothing is going be awkward between them._

_“I should leave,” Lexa says looking sadly at Clarke, she wants to stay but she is afraid that if she stays longer, Clarke would realize her mistake and regrets. She can’t see Clarke regret their kiss, their kisses._

_“We just got here,” Clarke exclaims, she wants Lexa to stay longer._

_“I know, but I will see you tomorrow,” Lexa replies hoping Clarke doesn’t insist and hoping that tomorrow things between them will be just as they are now._

_Clarke nods and walks her best friend to the door when Lexa bids her goodbye Clarke surges forward, hugs her and whispers in her ear, “Can I kiss you again?”_

_Lexa blushes shyly, she feels like she is younger than Clarke her arms still wrapped around Clarke’s waist she looks into her favorite blue eyes and nods. Clarke stands up on her toes and tenderly places her pink lips on Lexa’s plump ones._

_The kiss is longer than their two firsts, Lexa takes control of it and sucks gently Clarke’s lower lip then Clarke feels a sweet brush of Lexa’s tongue on her lip just as she parts her lips to grant Lexa entrance someone clears his throat. ‘Jake!’ Lexa thinks but it is Wells._

_Lexa frees abruptly Clarke from her arms and wipes her lips and she hears Clarke, “Wells?”_

_“Clarke,” Wells looks at Lexa with a death glare and Lexa mirrors his gaze at him._

_“I saw that you left in a hurry, are you ok?” Wells asks worried genuinely._

_Clarke smiles at him and replies, “I’m fine, Wells. Thanks.”_

_Lexa is the one who clears her throat this time, “See you tomorrow, Clarke.” Clarke smiles at her and nods while Wells takes a step in. Lexa grits her teeth, feeling jealous she doesn’t want to leave Clarke alone with Wells._

**Present time; Lexa’s mansion;**

**Lexa’s office**

“Lexa?” Clarke tries to snap Lexa from her thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa lets out feeling something weird happening in her heart at the memories.

She never told Clarke that she was her first kiss, she never told her that she is the one who taught her what friendship is, what love is, what feelings are, she never told her she is the love of her life, the love that tames you for life the one that you keep cherishing even after ten or twenty years, even after your heart breaks.

“Ok, any other questions?” Lexa encourages Clarke.

“Then why did you leave me?” Clarke asks out of nowhere and her voice was angry? Hurt? Yet there is something else in it but Lexa doesn’t really now.

“I...I didn’t leave you, Clarke. My dad had some urgent matters to deal with and you know that. I should be the one askin..” Lexa stops not wanting to argue feeling that things may get worse.

She sighs pinching the bridge of her nose eyes closed she really doesn’t want to argue and fight with Clarke. She hopes that they can talk like two adults but it seems that if it is not her, it is Clarke taking roles to picking fights.

“Clarke, it helps no one to dwell on the past…and it is not why I brought you here. I want us to talk like adults and try and fix this,” Lexa gestures between them, “I want us to be civil and not hold the past grudges if it is not for me, for Finn’s sake.”

Lexa looks almost pleadingly at her and Clarke’s heart warms, Lexa is right they should stop whatever cold war they are having against one another and just live their lives, without all the drama. She takes a deep breath and nods.

“I know we can’t be friends or…I know but for Finn’s sake and his love for you we should try,” Lexa adds and Clarke’s old broken heart fissures ‘ _We can’t be friends’_ But she doesn’t want to show it she gulps and replies, “Ok, talk it out like adults.”

Lexa smiles weakly at her but Clarke doesn’t meet her eyes, she can’t not after what she just heard.

“Then I should let you know that your _**best friends**_ spied on me or whatever they did and called me a gold digger…I don’t get it why would they think that I’m after someone’s fortune,” Clarke states and Lexa’s eyes widen she doesn’t miss the offended tone Clarke used stressing ‘best friends’ Lexa stutters trying to apologize for her best friends, “I…I’m sorry, ummm I will talk to them.”

“You don’t have to apologize for them, Lexa,” Clarke replies softly and Lexa loves the way Clarke utters her name she tries hard to keep herself from smiling, “Anything else?”

Clarke shakes her head then thinks about Octavia and Raven, “Well yes, I hope Raven is not playing Octavia, she is my best friend and I will do anything to protect her so she better watch herself and what she is doing” Clarke threatens but it comes softer than she wanted it.

Lexa nods despite feeling jealous of Clarke’s caring nature for her best friend. “I’ll make sure she won’t Clarke, I promise,” Lexa replies seriously and Clarke nods, “Thank you.”

Lexa looks into Clarke’s eyes for a moment the silence is not awkward but it is heavy a little bit, Clarke could feel Lexa’s eyes trying to say something but she cannot fathom what it is. It has been a long time she has not looked into green eyes so intently Clarke lips twitch subconsciously in a smile and Lexa’s heart flutters with hope.

“Do you want…I don’t know to say something?” Clarke asks.

Lexa does not reply right away her eyes studies Clarke’s face then she looks away, “I don’t have much to say. I think we talked about everything.”

Clarke chuckles bringing Lexa’s eyes back to her. “I did, I made you talk not you Lexa. If you have anything to tell me or ask me just do it,” Clarke shrugs.

“I told you I’m not good with words, Clarke. You should know that,” Lexa says and Clarke smiles sadly. Yes, she is the only one ~~who knows~~ who knew Lexa.

Clarke feels lighter, happier maybe? No, she would not go as far as to say happy but she was content about what her and Lexa are trying to do. This is what she wanted right from the start but Lexa kept ignoring her.

“Try, please,” Clarke asks her softly and Lexa smiles. She smiles for the first time today and it is a genuine smile. “Ok,” She breathes out.

“Is it ok if I ask you about Jake?” Lexa asks warily and Clarke nods.

“When and how did he…die?” Lexa asks knowing that her question is abrupt but she really wanted to know.

“Cancer,” Clarke says looking at Lexa who had the same look as hers, full of pain then she adds, “It was just after you left me,” She shrugs.

Lexa feels like someone stubbed her heart, she left her best friend in times of need. “I’m sorry,” She breathes out trying to keep herself composed. Her eyes well in tears but she manages to keep them from falling.

Clarke nods. “He talked to me about you….before he died,” Clarke informs her and Lexa’s heart jumps.

She gulps and asks curiously, “Really?” Clarke nods with a sad smile. “what did he say?” Lexa asks eagerly.

“He told me to try and look for you and…take care of you,” Clarke chuckles softly.

Lexa’s unshed tears break free and Clarke’s heart melts knowing that Lexa adored her father and he was like a father figure for her. Even after she left and broke Clarke’s heart he had faith in her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, this is all Jake. He even asked his own flesh and blood to take care of her.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa sobs wiping her tears and walking to the window her back to Clarke, she doesn’t want to look weak not in front of Clarke.

“That’s ok, Lexa,” Clarke stands up and walks to her, she keeps her distance to not invade Lexa’s personal space but stands close, close enough for Lexa to be aware of her presence.

She wants to comfort her because she felt that pain and much more and still feels it sometimes and when she does she always wants someone to hug her pain away. However, she cannot just hug Lexa as if years didn’t go by, she cannot hug her as if nothing happened, nor her leaving nor Clarke’s broken heart, nor her tears, anger, pain, resentment and so many negative feelings. And she is not sure if it is ok to do it or not because clearly they are not friends Lexa said it few minutes ago.

“It's ok to cry, Lexa. We’re alone,” Clarke says softly as if they were back in their childhood years when Lexa would show her emotions only to Clarke.

“You didn’t,” Clarke hears Lexa’s trembling voice full of accusation. Even if just minutes ago, she refused to dwell on the past, she could not help herself to do it now after what Clarke told her about Jake.

Clarke frowns confused at first then she realizes what Lexa means, she takes a deep breath and tries her best to keep a soft voice, “I was hurt, Lexa…I…you abandoned me and I needed you…needed my best friend.”

Lexa finally turns and looks into Clarke’s blue eyes she clearly does not like Clarke’s answer as much as Clarke tried to be soft, the words hit Lexa hard, “Why do you keep saying that I left you? That I abandoned you?”

“Because you did,” Clarke replies sadly.

Lexa shakes her head. “I didn’t, Clarke. I had to leave…Yes, I left but I didn’t abandon you. I tried to stay but…you know Gustus. I left you a note with my address so you could write me I left my cell and home numbers and even my email but nothing,” Lexa says heartedly while wiping her tears that threatened to fall, “For days, months and even years I hoped….but nothing.”

Clarke is speechless she did not know all of that, she didn’t receive anything not a note nothing, she woke up one morning and Lexa was gone as if she never was there with her, “I…Lexa” Clarke shakes her head “I swear I never got that note, I didn’t.” Clarke keeps shaking her head.

Lexa walks back to sit on her desk feeling too tired and emotionally drained to keep standing on her feet. Clarke looks at her tears on verge of falling. “I thought you left me,” She lets out in a broken voice.

Lexa stops and looks back at her. “I would never,” She lets out and Clarke walks closer to her this time not minding to walk into Lexa’s personal space, Lexa averts her eyes to not look into the heart breaking teary blue eyes but Clarke cups her face to make her look at her.

When Lexa’s green eyes meet Clarke’s blue ones they both translate so many things, things that cannot be linguistically possible to translate and others that can be uttered ‘ _I’m sorry, I miss you, I wish we had more time, you’ll always be my best friend…etc’_ Lexa feels guilty and wipes Clarke’s tears, she never could handle the sight of Clarke’s eyes crying.

Clarke closes her eyes when she feels Lexa’s thumbs on her face then she closes the remaining distance and wraps her arms around Lexa’s shoulders and pushes her face into her neck. Lexa stiffens at first, her heart aches she wants more than anything to wrap her own arms around Clarke and comfort her, and her own pain but she knows she can’t trust herself to not want more.

It has been so long she did not have Clarke’s body so close but she remembers how easily she can lose herself into Clarke and she fears that she might be still as weak for her as she used to be after all she never forgot about her. She wants to do it she wants to reciprocate but she cannot do that to Finn. Finn.

She puts her hand on Clarke’s back feeling like a leaf trembling in a storm and her voice is soft but shaky as well “Finn,” She whispers for Clarke as an excuse. Clarke pulls back but not completely and looks into green eyes questioningly.

Lexa doesn’t know how to word it, she can’t tell her ‘ _I can’t do it to Finn’_ that would mean something that shouldn’t even be mentioned especially because they are going to be sisters in-law.

Lexa smiles weakly at Clarke, “We should talk about Finn.” She tries to keep her voice from trembling. Clarke unwraps her arms and takes a step back. “Ok,” She just agrees, her mind was busy with one question ‘ _Why did Lexa mention Finn?_ ’ She shouldn’t think too much about it she remembers Lexa’s words ‘ _We can’t be friends. Right, she doesn’t want to be my friend not even try it explains why she didn’t even reciprocate the friendly embrace_ ’ She deduces.

“I really care about Finn, Clarke. He's my brother and my best friend and when I saw him this morning…it was hard to see him in pain,” Lexa says trying to push her emotions away and focus on her brother’s instead.

“I’m sorry you had to be in the middle of this but there is nothing to worry about, Lexa. I love him and yes I’m gonna marry him,” She replies and Lexa nods trying not to use her words.

“Is that all?” Clarke asks feeling hurt a little bit at the way Lexa quickly shut her off and somehow refused her hug.

“I think so,” Lexa says not wanting to extend her time with Clarke and only Clarke longer than it is.

“Alright,” Clarke replies. “I’m gonna call a cab,” She says fidgeting with her phone.

“No, Clarke. I’ll drive you,” Lexa says.

“It’s fine, Costia is waiting for you,” Clarke says.

“I warned her that I’d be late,” Lexa informs Clarke who nods and follows her back to her car.

The ride to Finn and Clarke’s place is silent, Lexa didn’t even bother to turn on the radio for some music. They both needed that silence to think and rest from their conversation.

When they get there and Lexa parks she looks at Clarke to bid her goodbye but instead Clarke unbuckles her seatbelt and looks at her, “I have just one more question, Lexa.” Lexa nods giving her permission.

“Why don’t you want Finn to know about…us?” Clarke asks looking curiously into green eyes.

In fact, Clarke has two questions in her mind the second one is about the canvas but she thinks it is better to leave it for another time.

Lexa hesitates a moment about whether she should answer Clarke or not but then she forces herself to do it, “If the first day we met again, I saw you what do you expect would have happened?” Lexa asks but does not give Clarke the time to answer, “We would have argued, maybe fought, I don’t know we would have said things that maybe we shouldn’t say in front of Finn and I know him, I know my brother he is selfless…I didn’t want to jeopardize your…his happiness. You are the reason he is back and he wants to have a normal life and for that I am grateful to you, Clarke. I couldn’t take a risk…” Lexa shakes her head trying hard not to say that they might or more exactly she might have told her how much she missed her how much she loved her and how much she broke her heart.

She knows Finn would have possibly cancelled his engagement just for Lexa, just for his sister. He always protected her from her father and anyone else, he would always choose her first.

“And me offering to pay the wedding is nothing…is not some twisted ploy nor just to piss you off nor brag about the money, Clarke. I wanted to do it before even knowing that you are his bride to be, I wanted to give my brother something I could to make his wedding day as perfect as possible and also as a thank you for the woman that kept my brother safe and brought him back to me, to us his family and friends,” Lexa says and Clarke could feel the honesty in her tone and words.

“I understand that you don’t need it, I know you’re not a gold digger, Clarke. I know your family, I know you but I really would like you to understand why I want to do it, you can say it is to repay him for at least few things he has done for me…I know money is not the most important thing but this is all I can do now. I failed him, I failed to protect him from father and he ended up in the Middle East risking his life…so the least I can do is give him a perfect wedding and spare him the detail of us, past us.” Lexa catches her breath and looks at Clarke expectantly.

Clarke looks away from Lexa’s eyes to think clearly for a moment letting all what she just told her soak in her brain then she looks back again at her. “Ok, I’ll come tomorrow so we can talk about it,” Clarke replies then adds, “If you’re free of course.”

“I told you to come whenever you want, Clarke,” Lexa reminds her.

Clarke nods with a smile, “Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lexa smiles back at her. “Thank you for understanding,” She lets out softly.

“Thank you for earlier…talking,” Clarke says with a soft smile.

“I needed it, I should be the one thanking you,” Lexa replies and Clarke gives her one firm nod but doesn’t leave.

Clarke felt like she is having a second break up or a first one she never had really, a closure. Once she is out of the car, she knows she can’t talk about her and Lexa anymore. It felt weird, painful somehow to know that she talked to Lexa, she had the talk she craved to have for weeks now but it didn’t come out as she expected nor is the outcome she hoped for.

She knows it is the right thing to do, they talked like adults and now they are much more capable to be around one another at least that’s what she hopes that this neutrality and somehow connection will remain after she leaves Lexa’s car, the bubble they are in now where Lexa is willing to talk about them and is not ignoring her. She hopes it will remain even if she knows Lexa was clear about what she wants.

She hesitates to leave the car she knows if she does it means that their past file is classified and she knows she is not ready, she feels like it is not enough. Not enough for all the years they shared, the friendship, the love, the memories, and the promises. They cannot, they deserve better.

She can’t possibly accept to be just a stranger to Lexa, she can’t accept to be related to her just by their future status of sisters in-law who will have to be around each other in family gatherings without really talking with one another.

Lexa looks at Clarke staring thoughtfully at her hands and fidgeting, she knows Clarke doesn’t want to get out of the car but she also knows that she needs her to leave. Not because she doesn’t want to be around her on the contrary it is because she doesn’t want her to leave that she knows Clarke must leave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Clarke,” Lexa says reassuring Clarke who comes back from her thoughts with a frown.

“I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll talk, right?” Lexa repeats with a friendly smile causing Clarke’s own smile, “Yeah.”

Lexa looks at her phone and remembers that she still needs to meet with Costia she doesn’t know if she is ready to handle interaction with other people, she is emotionally drained and she needs to be alone so she calls her.

“Hey, beautiful,” Lexa says.

“Lexa?” Costia asks not understanding why Lexa is calling her instead of coming back to her apartment.

“Cos, I am not feeling well so I'm not coming back,” Lexa says bluntly.

“Oh, is everything alright?” Costia asks worried.

“Yeah, just a headache,” Lexa replies.

“Do you want me to come?” Costia asks and Lexa feels guilty about lying and worrying her girlfriend.

“No, it’s fine I just need to sleep it off,” She says and Costia replies with a soft, “Ok.” before hanging up.

Lexa drives back home feeling a little bit lighter than before. The talk was necessary and as much as she kept pushing it she was only making things worse so when she finally realized that Clarke was right about wanting to talk, she took the initiative. Well, her meeting with her brother Finn of this morning was mainly the reason why she understood that she really, really needed to do it.

She didn’t get to tell Clarke everything she wanted to say because she couldn’t. She couldn’t possibly talk freely without opening up her old wounds and Clarke’s own. Clarke was first defensive but she could manage to calm her and get her to talk.

She was happy but at the same time she felt nostalgic about the old days when they were young and carefree. The things that stroke her the most is when Clarke told her that she did love her but what she doesn’t understand is why deep inside herself and her insecurities she wasn’t believing at Clarke’s answer. She can’t help herself reminiscing at the days when her and Clarke were more than just best friends.

_**Year 2006; Summer vacations;** _

_**France (Day 13)** _

__

_Lexa walks to the Griffin’s household with her heart thumping hard against her chest, she spent a sleepless night after Clarke kissed her and told her ‘I love you’ she does not know if Clarke is going regret it or act just like nothing happened. She cannot help expecting a negative reaction from Clarke because hell she never told her she is attracted to girls and Lexa is afraid that Clarke mistook her friendly jealousy for something else._

_She knocks on the door and instantly Clarke opens with a toothy smile, “Hey, you came.” Lexa smiles back then Clarke surges forward and takes Lexa in her arms. It is nothing unusual, each morning when Lexa shows up Clarke greets her warmly with a friendly hug but today, Lexa feels like there is something more in the way Clarke molds her body too close to hers._

_She feels her cheeks blushing at the feeling of Clarke’s breasts against her chest and her hips too close, hell flushed against her own. She does not miss the way Clarke’s fingers tickles her baby curls at the back of her neck, to not let herself get aroused at the way Clarke’s body feels against her, Lexa is the one who pulls back._

_“Hi,” Lexa replies looking into blue eyes with a dreamy smile._

_Clarke smiles back at her and she does it again, she bites her lip looking at Lexa’s lips. Lexa tries to ignore it and not get her hopes up too much. She wants to talk to Clarke about the kiss or kisses and what they meant for her because Lexa doesn’t want to have her heart break as she is already in love with her best friend._

_She walks in and greets both Abby and Jake who are about to leave, it is the perfect opportunity for them to speak freely and not being interrupted by anyone like they were yesterday by Wells. Right! Wells, Lexa forgot about him. She left Clarke with him and she doesn’t really like him since he keeps giving her weird unfriendly looks._

_Lexa walks behind Clarke into the living-room and sits on the couch with her, they keep silent then Lexa decides to bring Wells._

_“Is Wells coming today?” Lexa tries to avoid Clarke’s eyes._

_“No,” Clarke simply replies and Lexa grits her teeth, she wants her to elaborate and tell her why the hell did he came after Clarke but she feels like her tongue is tied._

_“Did you bring your swimming suit?” Clarke asks._

_“No, I…you didn’t tell me,” Lexa replies._

_“That’s ok, you can have one of mines,” Clarke says but Lexa refuses._

_“Why don’t we watch a movie or something,” She suggests._

_“Ok, what do you want to watch?” Clarke asks._

_“Anything,” Lexa shrugs, she doesn’t like the way Clarke is not talking about their kiss._

_“Then, a Disney movie,” Clarke smiles at Lexa’s heart flutters._

_When Clarke finishes putting the movie she sits closer to Lexa than earlier and cuddles against her.“Is this ok?” She asks feeling Lexa’s body stiffen._

_Lexa releases a shaky breath and nods, Clarke lifts Lexa’s arm and puts it around her own shoulders. Lexa smiles feeling on cloud nine but she can’t help think about the kiss so after few moments she shifts uncomfortably and looks at Clarke “Clarke” She lets out softly. Clarke looks up at her and hums._

_“Can we talk, please?” Lexa lets out in a hesitating tone._

_“Of course,” Clarke pulls back a little bit so she can sit face to face to Lexa._

_Lexa gulps and smiling nervously at her best friend, “Clarke, I really don’t want to lose you, the kiss I…I don’t know what it meant for you but it is ok if you regret it or….it was just to experiment…I’m…” Clarke frowns shaking her head._

_“No, it is not,” Clarke interrupts her. “It is not an experiment…I wanted it, I want it,” Clarke says more firmly._

_Lexa’s eyes light up with hope, “So we're ok?”_

_“No,” Clarke says. “We’re not.” Lexa’s heart shutters. “You are my best friend but I want to…I want us to try,” Clarke shrugs._

_“Try?” Lexa is confused she thought Clarke was saying that they are not ok, Clarke nods again._

_“Ok,” Lexa blurts out feeling still a little bit confused._

_“Go on a date with me?” Clarke asks boldly and Lexa’s eyes bulge almost comically making Clarke chuckles._

_“I’d love to,” Lexa replies after a moment. “But does it mean that you’re…” Lexa feels suddenly shy to use the words “My girlfriend?”_

_Clarke frowns thinking for few seconds, “Yeah, I mean…” She smiles at Lexa and puts her hand on Lexa’s face. “All I wanna do is kiss you,” She bites her lips again and Lexa’s eyes fall on her lips._

_“I think it is-" Clarke is interrupted by Lexa’s lips against hers. Lexa claims Clarke’s lips with a searing kiss then when she pulls back to catch her breath Clarke resumes, “I think it's obvious that we are more than just friends kissing.”_

_Clarke’s heart flutters at the sight of Lexa’s green eyes full of love, she leans in this time and gives her girlfriend a tender kiss to let her know how much she loves her. Lexa cups Clarke’s face and deepen the kiss. Soon, her tongue brushes gently on Clarke’s lips she is quickly granted access._

_Lexa is surprised when Clarke moans at the taste of her tongue, she sucks at her tongue and Lexa feels the heat coiling doing her body. Clarke wants to keep kissing Lexa for hours but it is not comfortable in this position so she puts her hand against Lexa’s chest and pushes her gently._

_Lexa opens her eyes and meets her adorable Clarke flustered she stands up and straddles her. Lexa stiffens afraid that Clarke feels the tent forming in her shorts so she puts her hands on Clarke’s hips to stop her if ever she gets too close while Clarke cups her cheeks and kisses her again._

_They make out for a long time, the Disney movie long forgotten. Lexa loses herself in the feeling of Clarke’s lips against hers, Clarke starts placing soft kisses on her jaw then down on her neck. Lexa’s breath hitches and she feels her dick hardening each minute passes._

_Clarke wants more and slides her hand under Lexa’s shirt making the brunette jolt. She pulls back and takes Clarke’s wandering hand and stops her, she looks at Clarke pleadingly so she doesn’t go that far, Clarke doesn’t get it and feels rejected she whispers a sorry and puts her hands on Lexa’s shoulders._

_“You’re beautiful,” Lexa breathes out looking into Clarke’s face whose cheeks were crimson red and lips red and slightly swollen. She pushes a strand of hair away from her girlfriend’s face and leans up and pecks her lips._

_Clarke smiles like a love sick puppy and kisses her again. “I…I think…I’m addicted to your lips,” She whispers sending a shiver down Lexa’s body._

_“Isn’t it too early to say so?” Lexa teases her best friend._

_“No,” Clarke shakes her head and Lexa’s hands shoot straight to her blonde hair and she caresses it then pushes it away from Clarke’s face._

_“Can I use the bathroom?” Lexa asks embarrassingly._

_Clarke gets off Lexa who rushes quickly to the bathroom to take care of her tent. When Lexa comes back to the living-room she finds Clarke laying on the couch. She gestures for her to join her, Lexa does. Then gets hard time getting comfortable, “I should be the big spoon, Clarke. I’m taller and older.” She pouts._

_“Nonsense,” Clarke replies tightening her arm around Lexa’s waist who feels Clarke’s breasts against her back and again she feels her heart hammering against her chest._

_She chuckles nervously. “Next time, I’ll be the big spoon,” She lets out in a warning tone and Clarke replies, “In your dreams.”_

_They spend the day cuddling against one another and stealing few kisses and caresses and when Lexa is about to leave, Clarke asks her to bring her swimming suit with her tomorrow._

_**Day 14;** _

_The very next day, Lexa shows up later than usual she had hard time tucking properly and she was nervous because she knows she will not be able to stop herself from staring at Clarke’s cleavage and Clarke won’t stop kissing her and turning her on._

_“Mmm..orning,” Lexa says nervously as Clarke opens the door. As much as she tries not to let her eyes wander down Clarke’s face, she fails. Clarke smirks giving herself a mental high five for putting a bikini_

_“Good morning, Lexa,” Clarke replies then adds, “I thought you’re not coming.”_

_Lexa smiles and leans to place a kiss on her best friend’s lips, “I told you, Clarke. I want to spend all the time I can get with you.”_

_“Ow, sweet,” Clarke comments making Lexa blush._

_Clarke and Lexa spends almost an hour playing in the pool, Lexa is the first one to get tired and get out she goes into the kitchen and prepares two sandwiches then goes back outside._

_She finds Clarke about to get out of the swimming pool, she shamelessly forgets herself drooling over Clarke’s breasts once again and again Clarke doesn’t miss it._

_Clarke feels suddenly bold and teases Lexa, “You like what you see?”_

_Lexa is taken aback, she bites her lip and nods. “Tu es magnifique,” (You’re magnificent,) She says walking towards Clarke and hands her a sandwich._

_They both eat in silence then Clarke stands up from her deck chair and sits with Lexa. Lexa gets the hint and shifts on her side to give Clarke enough space. Clarke smiles and sits with her, she looks at Lexa for a moment then pushes her hand to lower the deck chair so they can lay back._

_Lexa gulps when she sees the way Clarke’s eyes look down at her body lustfully. Clarke places her hand on the side of Lexa’s waist gently to not startle her and gives her time to push her if she does not feel comfortable. Lexa’s breath becomes irregular the second she feels Clarke’s fingers gently stroking her skin. She lifts Clarke’s chin to make her look at her, then they both lean in for a kiss._

_It starts gentle but then Lexa deepens the kiss, she puts her hand on Clarke’s naked waist and pulls her closer to her and at the feeling of Clarke’s breasts against her, Lexa feels her cock twitch._

_Caught up in the heat of the moment she pushes Clarke slightly on her back and starts kissing and nipping at her neck. Clarke releases a soft whimper which makes Lexa even harder she keeps kissing Clarke’s neck down to her chest and then she stops and pushes delicately her lips on Clarke’s heart._

_She wants to kiss and knead at Clarke’s breasts but she is afraid that it would be too much, then she feels Clarke’s hand at the back of her neck tugging at her to bring her back up, Lexa goes up and kisses her girlfriend’s lips passionately. Clarke pushes her to catch her breath and whispers against her lips “I love you”._

_Lexa’s heart swells like a balloon into her chest threatening to explode. She smiles happily at Clarke who stands up and straddles her. Clarke looks down at Lexa and takes her hands, puts them on her breasts and leans down to kiss her._

_Lexa stands up a little bit to meet Clarke half way in a searing kiss, Clarke is giving her permission to touch her breasts, a fire lights up in her and it is noticeable in the way she is kissing Clarke._

_Lexa wraps her arm around Clarke’s waist to bring her closer and her other hand is kneading Clarke’s breast softly first then she detaches her lips and laps her tongue over Clarke’s covered nipple making Clarke moan and buck her hips._

_Lexa loves the way Clarke’s body is responding to her touches, she takes a bold move and unties Clarke’s bikini top and pulls back to have a look, her jaw drops and Clarke chuckles. Then her chuckles turns into a throaty moan as Lexa sucks her nipple._

_“God,” Clarke lets out feeling the heat coiling between her legs, her hand shoot back to Lexa’s neck to keep her there. Lexa is more than happy to spend a life time kissing and sucking Clarke’s breasts._

_Not long after, Clarke starts looking for some friction between her legs so she pushes herself lower on Lexa’s body and starts grinding. She rolls her hips harder and harder loving the toned skin of her girlfriend._

_Lexa feels the delicious weight of Clarke’s body on her and especially on her now fully awake and hard dick but she is so aroused and focused on Clarke’s breasts that she does not notice that Clarke is grinding on her cock until she feels herself on edge about to come._

_Her heart stops and her eyes open, she pushes abruptly Clarke off of her. “We…we should…stop,” She says breathing hardly grabbing Clarke’s hips to stop her from moving._

_Clarke frowns and covers her breasts feeling vulnerable suddenly at Lexa’s rejection, she stands up and takes her bikini top her back to Lexa and puts it on, Lexa takes the opportunity when Clarke is not facing her and rushes to the bathroom._

_When she comes back she finds Clarke into the pool, she barely manages to look at her, feeling embarrassed. She hopes Clarke didn’t feel or notice her bulge. Of course she noticed, how can she not? She was grinding against it so hard she almost made Lexa cum._ _Lexa gets in the pool and swims toward Clarke._

_“Hey,” She lets out softly trying to get Clarke’s attention._

_Clarke looks at Lexa for a moment than smiles at her. “I’m sorry for…you know I got caught up,” Clarke does not finish when Lexa interrupts her. “Hey, no. That’s ok,” She replies with a soft smile._

_“I…I want to take you out…in a date?” Lexa suggests and Clarke blushes._

_“A date?” She asks and Lexa nods. “Ok,” She says and Lexa feels the happiest girl in the world._

**Finn’s apartment; bedroom;**

Clarke finally leaves Lexa’s car without saying anything else. She walks from her past to her future, she remembers Finn and that she is going to find him probably drunk. She takes a deep breath and steps in.

She goes straight to the bathroom and takes a shower, the water hides and washes off her tears. Her mind starts questioning everything her and Lexa talked about. Did Lexa lie about leaving her address and numbers? No, Lexa would never lie to her. But if Lexa is not lying how come she never saw that note? Who took from her the only string that could tie her to Lexa, her Lexa? Her thoughts start running wild but then she shushes them when she hears a soft knock on the bathroom’s door.

“Clarke, are you ok?” She hears Finn’s worried and drunk voice asking her.

“I’m fine,” She simply replies and quickly gets out of the shower and joins Finn to their bedroom.

She finds Finn laying on the bed still with his clothes and reeking of alcohol. She sighs and puts her clothes on and goes to him.

“Finn, Finn! Babe wake up,” She gently strokes his arm.

He mumbles something incomprehensible and closes his eyes again, Clarke rolls her eyes and tries again. She is not in the mood to take care of drunk Finn but she has to do it because she knows she caused it.

After struggling with Finn for almost twenty minutes she got him awake and made him eat and shower then put him back to bed. She couldn’t let him sleep without anything she knows he will wake up with a hangover and she will have to deal with grumpy hangover Finn which is worse than drunk Finn.

She could not sleep, in addition to Finn’s snoring she felt a familiar pain in her chest but a little different she somehow she feels a void in her. She does not feel resentment at least not so much, now that she knows Lexa did not abandon her.

However, she felt like this time for sure she lost her best friend as she had the talk and in any moment Lexa wanted to rekindle their friendship. It hurt her so much especially that she got to share with Lexa about her father. She never talks about him and even when she does no one can understand her fully because no one of her actual friends and her fiancé knew him, Lexa did.

It would have been nice to have someone with whom she could share memories of him, Lexa was the only one left in her life that could do it but she just lost her too. Of course she has her mother but Clarke had not so much contact with her mother, she calls her only on special occasions.

Clarke feels her cheeks wet at the reminder, after her father’s death Abby never talked about him and avoided talking about him whenever Clarke tried to do it with her.

Clarke wakes up first, she decides to cook a good breakfast for her and Finn she didn’t have dinner yesterday and neither did Finn except for the few bites she forced into his mouth. And they both need it so she can talk to him.

When finally, Finn joins her in the kitchen he barely manages to whisper a good morning back to her. Clarke gives him some time before she starts speaking.

“Did you sleep well?” She asks him softly.

“I don’t know,” He growls.

Clarke looks at him for a moment then decides to speak to him, “I talked to Le...Alex yesterday.” She waits for him to look at her or something but he doesn’t so she resumes, “I love you, Finn.” She waits but nothing, “I want to be your wife, I don’t doubt it.” Finn freezes then looks up at her.

Her heart aches at the sight of the emotions his face is displaying, she wants to apologize but she did nothing and she doesn’t think she needs to apologize for not wanting kids now or any time soon.

“You don’t doubt?” He spits out angrily. “Then why are you so afraid to have my kids?” He asks eyes filled with pain.

“Babe, it’s not that I don’t want kids with _**you**_ …I don’t want kids _now_ , maybe one day but not now,” She shakes her head.

He looks at her for a moment neither replying nor reacting, she stands up and goes to him, she crouches and looks at him in the eyes “Finn, you’re my rock, my friend, my partner in crime. I'm yours as much as you’re mine and this” She points out at her ring on her ring finger “this is what is the most important thing in my life, this is what ties me to you…I want to have a beautiful wedding I know I don’t have any family left, I don’t have a father who will walk me down the aisle but I will walk alone to you,” She puts her hand on his chest.

“Isn’t it obvious enough that I want you, I want this?” She looks at him with sincerity.

He simply nods “It is. But what if I’m not enough for you, Clarke?” He asks and Clarke’s heart breaks.

“Don’t say that, Finn,” Clarke replies quickly not liking his ‘ _what if_?’. She stands up and sits on his lap.

She takes a moment to look at his features and smiles, tracing her fingertips on his eyebrows, cheeks, nose and his lips. His soft features used to be her own shelter she would just look at him and feel safe especially when he would come to her after some training or for little injuries, he would sleep like a baby and leaves her awake but she didn’t mind.

Just feeling his chest moving up and down, to watch him breathe was enough for her to know that he is alive. However, now things are different and she never thought that she would stop cherishing his features whenever he sleeps. And she never thought that she would not feel happy just to see his smile which meant that they both are alive as she used to do it. She wasn’t prepared for being with him outside their harsh and risky sitting just as he doesn’t cope with it, the difference.

“I scared Alex yesterday,” He lets out bringing her back from her thoughts.

“I know, she talked to me,” She replies feeling a little bit off. “Please next time, just talk to me,” She asks him in a pleading tone.

“I…I’m sorry,” He whispers, “I know you and Alex are not really best friends but she is my sister.” He tries to explain and Clarke feels a tug in her heart ‘ _Why the hell does everyone need to remind me that we’re not friends?’_

“It's fine. I just don’t want you to get drunk and bother your sister. You could have talked to me,” She says.

“You left Clarke. You keep leaving whenever I want to talk,” He replies.

“I’m sorry, I just feel a little bit disoriented I guess. It’s hard to be back to normal life. Gosh it’s full of drama,” She excuses herself.

“I know, it’s hard for me too,” He confesses after kissing her.

“I need to go, Alex might be waiting for me,” She smiles at him.

“Oh, really?” He looks surprised at her.

“Yeah, you’re right she's stubborn,” Clarke chuckles.

Finn pecks her lips again than asks her, “You want me to drive you?”

“No, it's fine. I’ll call, O,” She says. “Just give me the address.”

“Easy google it, Woods Corp Office building. You can’t possibly miss it,” He says proudly.

“Ok,” She replies before leaving to her bedroom. First, she calls her best friend then gets ready.

**Present time; Woods office building;**

When they get into the building, the security officer at the entrance gives a polite nod to Octavia, “Miss Blake.”

“Have you ever been here before?” Clarke asks looking at her best friend suspiciously.

“Umm…yeah,” Octavia blushes and Clarke’s eyes widen.

“Don’t tell me,” Clarke replies.

“Yeah, Raven,” Octavia confirms.

“So, it is getting serious?” Clarke asks curious.

Octavia shrugs, “I don’t know.” Then she adds shyly, “maybe.”

Clarke smiles at her best friend. “That’s…new,” Clarke comments.

Octavia smiles goofily, “Yeah, is it ok if I leave you alone with Lexa and check on Raven since you guys talked and are ok?”

“Really?” Clarke asks choked.

“That’s fine, I didn’t tell her I’m coming anyway,” Octavia huffs.

“No, O. It's fine. Go; I can manage it,” Clarke says.

Few minutes later, both Raven and Lexa comes to meet them. Lexa is wearing a perfectly designed suit, with perfect cuts. Clarke eyes her from distance and she could see that she is wearing glasses, Clarke’s lips twitch in a smile remembering how she used to tease her whenever she put them to read but then when Lexa gets close she puts on her serious face.

Lexa glances at Raven and Octavia that are giving each other more than a friendly peck on the cheek than she looks at Clarke trying hard not to stare at her cleavage. Clarke is wearing a skirt attire making justice to all her curves.

“Good morning, Clarke,” Lexa greets the blonde in a polite and business like tone.

“Morning, Lexa,” Clarke replies a little bit surprised at Lexa’s tone ‘ _Of course, we can’t be friends’_ She remembers.

Lexa looks at Octavia and pushes her hand to her, Octavia shakes it “Lexa” Octavia smiles at Lexa while Raven greets Clarke with a simple, “Hi.”

“Clarke, please follow me,” Lexa asks, Clarke nods after giving Octavia a last glance.

**********

Raven takes Octavia’s hand and walks her into the elevator up to her office. As they get out of the elevator, they meet Anya who gives a dirty look to both of them.

“O, this is my insufferably best friend Anya, Anya this is Octavia,” Raven says introducing them.

Octavia gives a fake smile to Anya and pushes her hand but Anya doesn’t shake it right away. She looks at it with a stern look then shakes it firmly and looks at her best friend, “Raven, I need you in my office now.” Raven hasn’t the chance to reply when Anya walks in the direction of her office.

“Wow, she is...intense,” Octavia comments.

“You can say it, she has a stick up her ass,” Raven shrugs. “Come let me walk you to my office and go see what she needs,” She adds.

Octavia waits patiently in Raven’s office while Raven and Anya are having a heated argument which is clearly visible to Anya’s gestures.

“I thought I was clear about bringing your whores to the office, Raven,” Anya lets out angrily.

“Excuse me? Octavia is not a whore. She's…Octavia. My girlfriend so next time when you talk of her watch your tongue”.

Anya chuckles mockingly, “Girlfriend?”

“What’s wrong with you?” Raven asks. “Since when did you become so strict about bringing our dates to the office?”

“Exactly, it's an office and not a bar. You want to meet that wh…that woman take her out don’t bring her here,” Anya replies sternly.

“You’re one to talk. You used to bring your ex-boyfriend and God knows how many times I saw you guys sucking each other’s faces,” Raven snaps at Anya feeling tired of her best friend’s bullshit.

Anya's jaw tightens and just as she is about to reply Raven stops her. “Get laid Anya. You seriously are becoming an asshole,” Raven says before leaving Anya’s office.

Raven comes back to her office flustered and Octavia feels like it is not the best timing to be here, “Is everything ok? Should I leave?” Octavia asks.

“No; don’t…It’s fine. I’m sorry you had to witness this even before our first date,” Raven says.

“First date?” Octavia raises her eyebrow.

“Well, duh! Why are you here then?” Raven replies making Octavia chuckles.

“Ow, I…can we postpone it for dinner instead of lunch?” Octavia asks shyly.

“Anything you want, beautiful,” Raven replies with a smirk.

“Thanks, cause I need to drive Clarke back,” Octavia explains.

**********

Clarke and Lexa get into the elevator which seems to be reserved only for Lexa, they go up to the last floor. Both silent, Clarke was revising all her conditions and things she needs to tell Lexa.

“Do you want a coffee, tea, a drink, anything?” Lexa asks walking towards her desk office.

“No, thank you,” Clarke replies eyeing Lexa’s magnificent office.

“Alright, let me just call Jasper and let him know that you’re here,” Lexa says.

“Jasper?” Clarke frowns, Lexa doesn’t reply she is already on the phone, “Jasper, Miss Griffin is with me now…”

When Lexa finishes she looks at Clarke, “Jasper is the assistant finance manager.”

Clarke frowns deeper. “It’s not a business, Lexa. It’s my wedding, we don’t need him here,” Clarke says offended.

“Clarke, I didn’t mean…” Lexa is interrupted by the elevator’s ding and Jasper walks in, “Ladies.”

“Hello,” She replies seriously.

“Jasper, thank you for coming but could you please give us some time alone, I’ll call you if needed,” Lexa says and Jasper smiles at her, “As you wish Commander.”

“Thank you,” Lexa says and Jasper leaves.

Lexa waits for the elevator’s doors to close and says, “I didn’t mean it like that…I will be traveling for weeks and he will be your contact here! You’ll have to send him the bills and he will do whatever needs to be done, he will be completely to your disposition. He can even go dress shopping with you, Clarke and he has a good taste.” She smiles trying to ease Clarke’s anger adding, “In a way, he will be your personal assistant.”

Clarke looks flabbergasted,. “I…emmm thank you but I won’t need an assistant,” Clarke replies.

Lexa nods, “But don’t hesitate to contact him if you ever need anything. Even for a ride.”

“I will,” Clarke replies nervously then asks, “You’re travelling?”

Lexa stars into blue eyes silently first then answers, “Yes, business matters.”

Clarke blinks, “Let’s begin.” She looks seriously at her and starts, “First of all, there are things that are far too personal for you to take care of.” Clarke’s tone is firm.

“Of course, I’d expect that,” Lexa simply replies.

“Good,” Clarke says. “So you can participate with the food maybe.”

“That’s all?” Lexa asks.

“This is a lot,” Clarke comments.

Lexa sighs, “What about the decorations?”

Clarke looks at her for a moment then replies, “Fine, the decorations too.”

They go on for about thirty minutes like that talking about each detail, Clarke is even surprised by Lexa’s suggestions that she liked but neither of them break their serious tone.

Clarke looks at Lexa then says honestly, “Well, it went better than I was expecting.”

Lexa feels offended, “Do you have that little faith in me, Clarke?”

“Not just in you, myself included,” Clarke replies.

They fall into complete silence for a moment, Clarke is fidgeting with her phone and Lexa is looking at her direction but she is thoughtful. She is the first one to break the silence, “What about the place?”

Clarke looks up at her, this is the only detail she didn’t want to talk about. In all honesty, she didn’t think about it since the day she saw their spot, Lexa’s garden.

Clarke shakes her head, “I don’t know yet.”

“What about…my place, the gardens,” Lexa suggests.

Clarke looks at her blankly, she is taken aback by Lexa’s suggestions. “I…No. I don’t think it is a good idea,” Clarke manages to reply.

“I thought you love them.”

Clarke stares at her silently for a moment, her lips part trembling she blinks trying to let Lexa’s stupid words to sink into her brain. Of course she loves the gardens that looked much like their childhood spot, paradise and secret place.

Lexa regrets instinctively for letting her words out she could see Clarke’s eyes getting shiny with each second, tears welling in her favorite shade of blue.

“It's fine by me,” Lexa says trying to let Clarke know that she would give it to her if she wants it. She would give her anything.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Clarke asks.

Lexa looks thoughtfully at her for a moment then shakes her head, “No, I want you to have anything for your big day, you deserve it.”

Clarke’s eyes soften, “Thank you.”

“So, is it a yes?” Lexa asks not sure if Clarke agreed or not.

Clarke shrugs, “I guess yes.”

“Good, I’ll ask Titus to take care of it then it needs some arrangements before the wedding day, it's four weeks away, right?” Lexa says.

“No, six weeks,” Clarke replies.

“Good, I’ll leave instructions for Titus and as I told you if you ever need help don’t hesitate to contact Jasper” Lexa informs her.

“Why? Aren’t you going to make it for the wedding?” Clarke asks.

“What? No, I’ll be already back. It’s my brother’s wedding,” Lexa replies surprised at Clarke’s question.

“When are you leaving?” Clarke asks.

“In two days,” Lexa asnwers.

“For how long?” Clarke asks again.

“I don’t know yet. Maybe four weeks? It depends,” Lexa explains.

“Four weeks? What about your birthday?” Clarke blurts out leaving Lexa speechless.

“You…you remember,” Lexa says feeling her heart swelling in her chest.

“Of course,” Clarke smiles at her.

Lexa stares into blue eyes ‘ _Clarke remembers_ ’ Clarke’s smile tugs gently at Lexa’s heartstrings, she wants to say something she wants to do something but she knows she should not, she cannot.

She gives herself a moment to recollect then asks, “Can I call Jasper now so you can have his contact details in case?”

Clarke appreciates the fact that Lexa is asking her before bringing him, “Yes, please.” She nods. Lexa takes her phone to call Jasper and summon him. Barely few minutes later, he shows up and Clarke takes his contact details then he leaves again.

“I think we went through everything, it's time for me to leave,” Clarke says.

Lexa wants to invite Clarke for lunch but she feels that it might be a bad idea, she had had enough time with Clarke. She already is having hard time avoiding to stare at Clarke and her gorgeous curves and she could feel herself hardening and an additional time with Clarke, and only Clarke will only make it worse. She scolds herself for being like a horny teenager around Clarke, her future sister in-law.

“Well, thank you for coming and doing this Clarke,” Lexa says pushing her hand for Clarke to shake.

Clarke stands up with a smile on her face, she shakes her hand and subconsciously her eyes fall down to Lexa’s crotch then she looks back at her eyes and blushes. Lexa does not miss it and feels embarrassed, she hopes her cock is not as visible as she feels it is.

Clarke leaves and Lexa looks directly at her crotch and curses “Fuck!” She is showing and there is no chance Clarke missed it. She makes a mental note to call Costia, she really needs to get laid and release. She knows she will be devouring Costia’s breasts tonight.

However, as beautiful and as sexy Costia is, Clarke is much more to Lexa’s taste or at least to her cock because only Clarke can make her so easily lose control and harden as quickly by just being around. Well, Lexa knows she did not help it by staring at her breasts, they always were her weak spot.

Thus, her decision to ignore Clarke and avoid being around her because she knows there still are some feelings she buried deep down and seeing Clarke and interacting with her will only level them back up close to her heart.

_**Year 2006; Summer vacations;** _

_**France (Day 15 and 16)** _

_Lexa takes Clarke in a date, they spent the whole day together and when it was time to walk Clarke back home, Clarke looks at Lexa and says, “Thank you for the amazing date.” She leans in and gives her a quick peck on the lips. Lexa blushes and looks around if anyone saw them._

_“We shouldn’t do this in public,” Lexa says a little bit afraid. “Even if all I want is to kiss you,” She looks at Clarke’s lips._

_Clarke nods. “Right,” She replies feeling frustrated at not being able to kiss Lexa whenever she wants, “Next date we spend it at my place.”_

_Lexa chuckles, “I’d love that.” She takes Clarke’s hand and resumes walking._

_Once they got to the Griffin’s, Clarke had an idea she pulls Lexa inside and shuts the door. Lexa’s eyes go down to her lips. “I wanna kiss you,” Lexa whispers._

_“Then do it,” Clarke replies._

_Lexa cups Clarke’s face in her hands and kisses Clarke slowly and lovingly, Clarke wants more and steps even closer to Lexa and pines her against the door. Lexa puts her hands on her hips to keep her away from her dick. She doesn’t want to get hard and ruin their date. She does not know how Clarke might react to her secret._

_However, Clarke does not give up she lets her hands trail down Lexa’s abdomen and just when her hand reaches the hem of Lexa’s shorts, Lexa’s lips leave hers and she feels Lexa’s hand on her wrist keeping her from going lower._

_“I should go,” Lexa breathes out and Clarke nods._

_**Day 16;** _

_Lexa feels bad at pushing Clarke once again, she doesn’t know how she can tell Clarke about her extra appendage without scaring her away so instead of going to Clarke’s she decides to stay in her hotel room. When it is almost noon she finally gets out of her hotel room to get something to eat and finds Clarke waiting for her at the lobby, arms crossed over her chest._

_Lexa walks to her best friend and greets her awkwardly, “Clarke.”_

_Clarke looks at her angrily. “Can we talk?” She asks and Lexa nods, “Of course.”_

_Lexa takes Clarke back to her room and as soon as they get in Clarke starts mumbling, “I don’t know why…what’s wrong…did I do something wrong? Don’t you want me?...God! of course not, you’re ….I’m your summer crush. Am I?...I….Lexa I think us…it’s…a mistake I don’t wanna lose my best friend again.” Lexa feels her heart breaking at Clarke’s words, she wants her more than anything._

_“Clarke,” Lexa puts her hands on Clarke’s shoulders to stop her from mumbling. “I want you and you’re not gonna lose me. You’re...my love,” Lexa says with a smile, “You’re not my summer crush, you’re my girlfriend.”._

_Clarke smiles at her feeling her heart warm but she can’t help feeling rejected, “Then why? Why are you pushing me?”_

_Lexa squeezes her eyes shut, she doesn’t know how to do this. “I wasn’t pushing you Clarke. I just felt…insecure,” She lets out almost in a whisper._

_“Insecure?” Clarke frowns and Lexa nods._

_Clarke feels sorry for her girlfriend and walks to her and gives her a comforting hug. Lexa reciprocates needing to feel Clarke’s warmth against her, she misses her._

_A chaste kiss turns into another, Lexa lets Clarke disarm her and she kisses back deeply pushing Clarke’s against her bed. Clarke opens her eyes and sits looking up at her girlfriend. “Can we cuddle?” Clarke asks and Lexa’s heart melts._

_“I’d love that,” Lexa replies softly before joining Clarke on the bed._

_After few minutes of silence Clarke looks into green eyes and says, “I want you.”_ _Lexa gasps, feeling her cock twitching in her pants which reminds her the reason why she run yesterday from her best friend._

_“I love you no matter what. You’re beautiful,” Her hand cups Lexa’s cheek trying to let her know that she loves her, she is perfect and she does not have a reason why she should feel insecure._

_“You’re hot,” She lets out sexily making Lexa chuckle._

_“So are you, Clarke but there’s something I need you to know first,” Lexa says and takes a deep breath._

_Clarke smiles at her, “I’m listening.” She encourages her girlfriend._

_Lexa sighs, “Promise me that you won’t leave if I tell you why. Promise me that we will always be best friends, I know you might not want to be my girlfriend anymore but…at least promise me we’ll still be best friends.” Lexa looks at Clarke with pleading eyes._

_Clarke’s heart aches “Of course, Lexa. Always” She says closing the distance and kissing her. “I’ll be your best friend forever…and your girlfriend,” Clarke says kissing Lexa again._

_Lexa nods, “Ok. I…I don’t know how to explain it but I was born….I’m different Clarke. I’m not like you.” Clarke frowns and Lexa gulps, she is stuck not knowing how to say it so instead she gestures between her legs._

_“Lexa, I know,” Clarke stops her girlfriend._

_“You know?” Lexa is surprised, Clarke nods. “Yeah, I guess!” She says._

_“How?” Lexa asks confused._

_“I think I always had doubts that you’re different but I didn’t know exactly what and my doubts were confirmed the other day when we were in the swimming pool with the twins after you drooled over my boobs, I noticed the way you were shifting in your chair and when you crossed your legs you made it worse…it was clearly…awake,” Clarke chuckles lightly. “I think it is hot,” She comments._

_Lexa’s eyes widen, “Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“I wasn’t sure Lexa. I'd to google it that night,” Clarke blushes._

_“Oh…” Lexa’s cheeks turn crimson red too._

_“Yeah, and I loved when we were making out and I could feel it against me…it drives me crazy,” Clarke confesses._

_“I love your breasts, they drive me crazy too,” Lexa confesses back._

_“Really?” Clarke smirks sitting up so she can straddle Lexa then takes off her shirt then leans down and whispers in Lexa’s ear, “They’re all yours.”_ _Lexa bucks her hips up as a reply._


	7. Chapter 7

**Present time; Lexa’s mansion;**

**Lexa’s bedroom;**

Lexa packs her bag for her business trip; _‘It is the perfect timing for it,’_ She thinks if she did not have to go she would have taken a few days away from her life. From Clarke and Costia, from her brother and her two best friends. She needs time to think without being interrupted by anyone, without being interrupted by life. Of course, the thinking is all about _her_ , Clarke and their talk.

A part of her regrets not asking Clarke to rekindle their friendship because hell she wanted it. She loved every second she has spent with Clarke. The hardest thing she ever did was not reciprocate Clarke’s hug, she needed it but she couldn’t allow herself to be selfish.

But the other part of her felt guilty for feeling like this. She reprimanded herself for being weak again and showing her soft spot for Clarke. She cannot allow herself to “like”, let along love Clarke’s company because she knows she is not hers. She is her brother’s forever.

Some of Clarke’s words hang in her memory more specifically, ‘ _I love him and yes I’m gonna marry him’._ She tries to keep them engraved in her head so she will not think about Clarke anymore.

However, Clarke is not only in her head but in her heart too and it is known the heart and the head do not cooperate so well when it comes to love.

“Babe,” Costia’s voice brings her back from her thoughts, Lexa hums and looks at her girlfriend.

“Is everything alright? I feel like you’re away these last few days,” Costia asks concerned.

“I’m fine, Cos. It’s just work and the upcoming trip…there’s a lot in my mind,” Lexa justifies but Costia does not believe her. She knows there is more to it but she decides to let it go for now and talk about it when Lexa comes back. Lexa leans down and gives a peck to her girlfriend before leaving to her office. She needs to make a few calls and leave some instructions to Jasper, Anya and Raven before she goes to the airport.

She starts with Jasper of course, he is the one who would be in charge of financing the things Clarke and Lexa agreed on for the wedding. She instructs him to give Clarke a call every two or three days in case she needs him and does not want to solicit him. She also asks him to keep her updated via email about his interactions with her future sister in-law.

Then, when all is set with Jasper Lexa calls Titus to let him know that he should expect a draft from her for the garden’s decoration. She wants to prepare it herself and asks him to find the best gardeners to take care of it and of course keep her updated as well.

_Video call conversation…_

Lexa waits for her friends to pick up, Anya is the first one to do.

“Good morning, Anya,” Lexa says as soon as her best friend appears on the screen.

“Morning, Lexa,” Anya replies with a sad voice.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks with a frown.

“Nothing, I didn’t have my coffee yet,” Anya lies and Lexa can tell but she decides to get right into work.

Half an hour later, Raven finally joins the conversation.

“Morning ladies,” She greets her best friends happily.

“Morning, Raven,” Lexa replies but Anya keeps silent. In fact, she barely lasts five minutes then she leaves without disconnecting while Raven goes through the last details about her project with Lexa.

“Ok, Raven I trust you to keep me updated via email…I don’t know how often I can check my emails but I'll at least when I’m back to the hotel room,” Lexa says seriously.

“Ay ay Commander,” Raven salutes Lexa making her smile. Anya comes back but does not say anything, she just stays in front of her screen.

“Ha! The Grinch is back,” Raven comments.

Anya raises her eyebrow and huffs at Raven, “Anyway, Lexa. Let me know when you get there safe, ok?”

Raven raises her middle finger at the screen and Lexa shakes her head, “I will….and by the way, I talked to Clarke an- “ Lexa is interrupted by Anya.

“You talked to her?” She asks and Lexa grits her teeth.

“Yes, I did and please stop calling her gold digger that’s really stupid,” Lexa reflects.

“I see, you’re fraternizing with the enemy too,” Anya comments making Raven react.

Raven lets out a sarcastic laugh. “You need to grow up, Anya,” The brunette says.

“Raven,” Lexa lets out firmly trying to get their attention back to her, “Just don’t call her that…she's not a gold digger and we talked about that already.”

“Calm down Lexa. I’m fine with your sister,” Raven retorts.

“Anya?” Lexa wants to have Anya’s word to not bother Clarke anymore about her doubts.

“What?” Anya lets out defensively, “You can’t expect me to love her.”

“I’m not telling you to love her, just don’t insult her with the gold digger thing or anything else, alright?” Lexa says.

“Ok,” Anya huffs and disconnects.

“Wow, and I thought she's a bitch only with me,” Raven comments.

“I hope when I’m back you guys would have stopped your childish nonsense you’re fighting about,” Lexa says.

“Don’t keep your hopes up, Lexa. If she doesn’t apologize I don’t think we would,” Raven replies.

“Ok, I’ve a flight to catch. Take care and keep things intact. No explosions please,” Lexa adds making Raven laugh.

“I’ll do my best,” Raven promises before the call ends.

**A week later…**

**At Lexa’s office building**

The first day of Lexa’s departure Anya moved her desk and work to the second conference room so she can work in peace and minimize her encounters with Raven. She is angry and jealous but she cannot possibly let her best friend know because she is a closet case and she knows it. 

She is barely admitting it to herself so instead of facing and talking to Raven she avoids her at all costs especially with her insane schedule, she does not have time for arguments and drama. She has been killing herself to handle things without Lexa knowing that her best friend is too busy to worry and think about things back at home so she was doing her best to work it out without bothering her.

Anya walks towards her office after a tiring meeting she needs to grab a file, when her eyes instinctively darts to Raven’s office. She misses her best friend, she wants to check on her but noticed the shutters of Raven’s office are closed she frowns.

She thinks about knocking and check on Raven in case she needs anything but deep down she just wants an excuse to see her but then refrains to. Instead she calls the receptionist and asks about Miss Reyes. The old lady informs her that Miss Reyes didn’t come today so she goes to the HR department who informs her that Miss Reyes took four sick days and she will be back in two days.

Anya worries, she feels bad at not knowing that her best friend is sick and she is not there for her. She decides to swallow her pride and anger and check on Raven before going back home.

**Later that day, at Ravens’**

On her way to Raven, Anya decides to bring her best friend her favorite comfort food and few necessary meds for cold and flu. She also goes to her own apartment and bring her pyjamas planning to spend the night at Raven’s apartment in order to keep her company and take care of her if needed.

She knocks on the door and waits, her heart starts thumping faster and harder against her chest and it makes her uncomfortable. It never happened to her before, except the last few days whenever she sees Raven but she was too busy to notice it.

Raven opens the door wearing sweat pants and a hoodie. It is obvious that she is sick and exhausted she looks tiredly at her, “Ah, that’s you.” Raven sounds not so much excited to see her best friend at the door. “I thought it's Octavia,” She adds before going back to her bedroom leaving Anya standing at her door.

Anya’s heart aches at Raven’s reaction when seeing her because she missed her best friend and was stupidly expecting a warm welcome from her despite this is Raven’s usual behavior with her, she always leaves the door open for Anya to come in and close the door behind her.

She deliberately ignores the tightening in her heart at the mention of Octavia, but she gets in and decides to stop thinking about it. She is not here to argue or anything like that, she is here to check on her best friend and take care of her.

She walks to the kitchen first and puts the food then she goes to the bedroom where Raven is laying under a blanket. She frowns, the weather is not cold to use a blanket that warm. She walks to the bed, sits next to Raven and puts the back of her hand on her best friend’s forehead. It is only now that she is close to her that she notices that her cheeks are red.

“You’ve a fever, Raven. You shouldn’t cover yourself like this,” Anya says softly while pushing a strand of hair from Raven’s forehead with a light caress.

“But I’m cold,” Raven pouts.

Anya is happy that Raven did not linger on her words because she knows if Raven is not sick, she would have made a comment about Anya’s tender gesture and soft tone. It is not like her, she never ever does this with anyone.

“Did you take something for the fever?” Anya asks and Raven hums feeling too tired to talk.

“Yes or no?” Anya insists.

“No,” Raven lets out.

“Alright, I brought you some meds. I’ll order healthy food,” Anya says before leaving Raven’s bedroom.

Two hours later, Raven‘s temperature dropped back to normal and she felt good enough to eat and talk.

“Is it what you call healthy food, Anya?” Raven looks disgusted at her soup.

“Just eat,” Anya replies.

“I never saw you eating soup,” Raven says.

“I wasn’t going to order something different, I know you would have took it from me anyways so I’m having the same thing as you,” Anya explains with a grin.

“That’s so sweet and considerate of you. Did you hit your head on a rock?” Raven jokes.

“No, I just want you back to work, with my work and Lexa’s I can’t have another department to lead,” Anya says.

“I see you’re lighter,” Raven comments.

“What?” Anya frowns confused.

“You finally pulled the stick out of your ass,” Raven chuckles.

“Shut up! I’m here because you don’t have anyone to take care of you and I need you back to work. We can’t allow ourselves free days now,” Anya quickly explains.

“So when I’ll be back, you’ll put it back or what?” Raven asks with a grin on her face.

“Eat your soup, Raven,” Anya decides to ignore Raven’s question.

“Anya, I really don’t understand why you’re acting like that,” Raven exclaims exasperated.

Anya keeps eating silently without replying to Raven who gets angry, “Are you really giving me the silence treatment? I’m your best friend for God’s sake.”

Anya’s heart flutters and aches at the same time. How is she going to explain Raven why she is acting like that? She cannot help her behavior when being jealous. She does not even know what it is for sure, she did not even admit it to herself yet.

“I know we’re best friends but it doesn’t mean that I have to agree to every stupid decision you take or mistake you make,” Anya replies.

“What decision? Mistake? What are you even talking about?” Raven lets out frustrated.

Anya looks intently at Raven she should not have said that, she should not have let her emotions get to her and she should not be here. Not when being misled by her emotions.

Anya is brought back from her thoughts by the doorbell, “I’ll get that.” She quickly goes out Raven’s bedroom. She knows it might be Octavia even if she does not like that woman she is more than happy to open the door for her.

“Oh, hey,” Octavia lets out surprised to find Anya.

“Octavia,” Anya gives her a firm nod and gestures for her to get in and before she can say anything else Anya continues, “Raven's in her bedroom.”

“Thank you,” Octavia replies politely but doesn’t move, Anya raises her eyebrow.

“I’ve never been here before,” She explains and Anya’s eyes bulge. Usually Raven brings her dates or one night stands or whatever to her apartment without any problem if Octavia didn’t come here yet until today it means she is treating her differently than her past partners.

“Follow me,” Anya replies trying to not think about what is going to happen.

Both women walk into Raven’s bedroom, Anya tries to ignore the way her heart aches when Octavia greets warmly her best friend. She looks away but it is not enough to spare her the scene as she can hear Octavia’s comforting words. Anya decides to leave giving the two women their privacy and sparing herself the uncomfortable and awkward situation.

**At Finn and Clarke’s apartment;**

Clarke spent the whole week with the wedding preparations, from designing her wedding invitations, the guest list, booking a photographer and still looking for the perfect white dress all of this _alone_.

Of course, Octavia was really helpful she accompanied her in almost every step whenever she could, Bellamy too did his best to help her but he only made it worse for her, questioning everything.

Alone, because Finn somehow was avoiding to help with the preparations and spent his days outside and his nights in bars and came back drunk. At least that what Clarke feels, she wouldn’t know as she slept early before even he comes back home. The morning she would notice when he wakes up with a hangover.

“Are the invitations ready?” Octavia asks her best friend

“Yeah, no. Maybe?” Clarke replies uncertain then groans. “I don’t know. I’m worried about the dress. What if I don’t find the right one?” Clarke asks.

“Don’t worry you will find a dress, relax,” Octavia tries to reassure her then adds, “Maybe calling Lexa’s Finance manager is a good idea, after all.”

“No,” Clarke dismisses the idea. “She's going to pay for the food, the decoration and much more not for me but for Finn. I don’t need more,” Clarke replies.

“I’m just saying, since Finn isn’t helping you really need some help,” Octavia explains.

“I know,” Clarke lets out annoyed.

“It’s stressing you out doing all of this alone,” Octavia points out. “And she told you he can go dress shopping with you, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, she said he has a good taste,” Clarke replies.

“That’s perfect, you really should think it through.”

“On top of everything now I’ve to think about that?” Clarke questions angrily.

“Well, he can help,” Octavia shrugs.

“You’re right, I might call him later,” Clarke says, her shoulders drop.

“What about the wedding invitations?” Octavia asks.

“I think I’m done with them I just have to check the guest list again in case I forgot anyone,” She replies.

“Let me check it for you,” Octavia suggests.

After reading her guest list, Octavia frowns and puts it down looking angrily at Clarke, “Where the hell is your mother?”

“She's not in the list,” Clarke simply answers.

“Mom doesn’t even know that I’m engaged let along soon to be married and to whom? Lexa’s brother….She is gonna lose her shit,” Clarke says.

“Ow, so she knows,” Octavia comments.

“Of course, she does. I was a mess when Lexa left,” Clarke says.

“That’s exactly why you should invite her, Clarke. She's your mom for God’s sake. She'll lose her shit worse if you don’t invite her or tell her,” Octavia tries to reason her best friend.

Clarke pouts, “Why do I always have to do the difficult things?”

“Stop being a baby. If you told her that you got engaged, it wouldn’t be that difficult now,” Octavia replies annoyed.

“Ok, I will,” Clarke agrees and Octavia looks at her expectantly.

“Not now,” Clarke says making Octavia roll her eyes.

“So, how are things between you and Raven?” Clarke asks to change the topic.

“Good,” She shrugs.

“How good?” Clarke insists.

“She spent a night at my place,” Octavia replies and Clarke’s eyes widen. “I also spent an awkward moment with her and Anya.”

“Oh, poor you,” Clarke says rubbing her best friend’s back soothingly.

Octavia chuckles. “I know right. That woman is…” She huffs.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Clarke replies.

“I don’t know but I think she loves Raven,” Octavia tells her best friend.

“What makes you think that she has the hots for her best friend?” Clarke asks.

“The way she looks at her,” Octavia simply replies.

“That woman has a piercing look for everyone, I think you mistook her look,” Clarke comments with a shrug then adds, “That woman frightens me.”

Octavia giggles. “No, she doesn’t look at Raven the way she looks at me and she keeps fighting with her anytime she sees me around,” She explains.

“If you say so. But you really should talk to Raven about it or just…” Clarke says but doesn’t want to finish her sentence not wanting to interfere in her best friend’s choice.

“I will,” Her best friend replies.

After Octavia left, Clarke took the courage and called her mother. She had hard time reaching her first but then it worked. She looks at her mother on the screen and despite the bad quality of the video Clarke could tell her mother is aging.

She feels guilty at not talking to her more often but somehow she was holding a grudge against her since her father died and she ended up losing her mother too.

“Hey mom,” Clarke’s voice is full of emotions that bubbled up to her throat.

“Hi honey,” Abby replies with a bright smile, “how is my girl doing?”

Clarke smiles it has been a long time Abby didn’t call her my girl, it was more of Jake to call her that. She wants to reply to her mother and tell her about everything she has been living lately but now is not the time.

“I’m fine, mom. You?” She asks with a smile eyes filled with unshed tears.

“Good…I’m doing well, Clarke. I just miss you,” Abby replies.

“I miss you too mom,” Clarke replies then adds, “Mom, I’ve something to tell you.” She smiles at the screen hoping Abby won’t get mad at her.

“Alright, I’m listening,” Abby simply replies.

Clarke nods. “Mom, I met someone and I’m engaged and my wedding is in five weeks,” She says in one breath.

“You what?” Abby asks not sure if she heard well.

“Mom, I’m sorry I know I should have told you sooner- “Clarke quickly starts to apologize but Abby interrupts.

“Hey, Clarke honey. Listen it is ok…it’s just that is a big surprise…give me a moment to take it in,” Abby says with a nervous smile.

Clarke nods and looks guiltily at the screen. “Mom? Are you mad at me?” Clarke asks, she can’t afford to lose her mom too. She needs her.

“No, honey it's just that…nothing. Tell me everything,” Abby says giving Clarke a more convincing smile.

Clarke tells her mom about Finn and replies to each one of her mother’s worried questions about Finn then she gives her the date and asks her if it is possible for her to take a week of for the wedding and Abby tells her that she will see what she can do, and that she would never miss her daughter’s wedding.

**South Korea; At the hotel;**

**Lexa’s hotel room;**

Lexa enters her hotel room exhausted. Back home, she was happy to leave and take this trip even if it is for work but not anymore not after a week of fruitless negotiations. She undresses, showers and like every night since her departure she checks her emails.

Except for some update emails from her managers including Anya and Titus’ email concerning the gardens, there is nothing from Jasper. She frowns and decides to send him an email and ask if Clarke got in touch with him.

She closes her mac and lays on the bed staring at the ceiling. This trip was a like an opportunity for her to take some times away from the last few weeks which propelled her in an emotional roller coaster.

She spends a restless night thinking about Clarke, about the happiest part of her childhood it was mainly because of her. Then, she thinks about her last interaction with Clarke. They were emotional and got out of control even if she tried hard. This is always how Clarke made her feel.

The next evening, she receives again a negative reply from Jasper, saying that Clarke didn’t get in touch with him yet. Lexa was disappointed, she knew the adult Clarke is stubborn and she knew somehow that she will not get in touch with Jasper and it only made her furious.

She instructed him to get in touch with her instead and try and have some information about the wedding preparations and where things are?

**The next day…**

**At Finn and Clarke’s apartment;**

“Morning, babe,” Clarke says seeing Finn.

“Morning, love,” He says back with a smile.

“Coffee?” She asks and Finn hums.

She pours him a cup of coffee and pecks his lips ready to leave. “Have a good day,” She lets out.

“Wait,” He stops her. Clarke turns back and looks at him.

“I’ll come with you today,” He says with a smile. Clarke looks happily at him, she has been trying to get him involved in the wedding’s preparations but each time he found an excuse to not do it.

“That’s great. I’m meeting Costia for the cake. She's going to show me one of her friends’ bakery according to her he is the best in town,” Clarke enthusiastically informs him.

“Ow, cake tasting?” He looks questioningly at her.

“Yeah, probably,” Clarke replies.

“I’ll pass then,” Finn says. “Choose whatever you like,” He adds and Clarke’s smile drops.

She puts her purse back on the table and looks at him “A little help would be appreciated, Finn. I feel like…” Clarke does not know what to say, she cannot argue again with him about who is doubting their marriage. “Finn, what’s wrong?” She asks worried.

Finn looks thoughtfully at her then shakes his head, “Nothing.” Clarke grabs her purse again when she hears him, “What do you feel, Clarke?”

Clarke freezes on the spot the tone with which Finn asked her is heavy. She doesn’t want to reply at least not truthfully because she knows they will end up fighting again.

“Nothing,” Clarke fires back and Finn nods.

Clarke drives to Costia’s apartment to pick her up and they head to the Costia’s friend. Clarke never thought that she would be getting help with her wedding preparations from Lexa’s girlfriend.

Octavia nags her about it sometimes but it doesn’t feel weird, Costia acts like they have been forever friends. She was spontaneous and friendly and offered help without making Clarke feel like she is helping so Clarke felt comfortable enough to be around her and befriend her.

With Lexa being gone and Raven and Anya busy with work, Costia found herself calling Clarke to hang out with her and she even asked about how the wedding’s planning was going. At first Clarke was sceptic about hanging out with Costia as if they are best friends but then when she saw that Costia is genuine, she changed her mind.

Clarke doesn’t see Costia as Lexa’s girlfriend anymore, or her ex’s girlfriend but as a friend now and it seems that Costia appreciates her friendship equally. She doesn’t know why befriending Costia is easy, maybe because Costia was a little bit like her but older.

When they finished, Costia suggested that they go to a new restaurant that opened and she heard about Clarke was happy to spend some time not planning her wedding. She was stressing because she didn’t find the perfect white dress yet.

As soon as Clarke and Costia sat on the restaurant’s terrace, Clarke thanked her friend, “Thank you Costia for everything, really! You’re a life saver. I’m not sure I’d have managed to do it alone again.”

Costia smiles and puts her hand on Clarke’s hand, “That’s ok, Clarke. I really enjoy the wedding’s ambiance.”

Clarke smiles back at her, “Maybe one day I’ll be the one helping you.”

Costia’s smile falls. She looks nervously at Clarke, “Honestly, I don’t think it is going to happen.”

Clarke feels stupid at bringing Lexa’s and Costia’s relationship. “You may never know,” Clarke reassures her.

“Well, I don’t think she is gonna propose any sooner,” Costia remarks.

“Why don’t you do it?” Clarke blurts out and instantly regrets it ‘ _Why the hell am I putting this idea in her head anyway?’_ Clarke scolds herself internally.

“Because...we’re not **_it,_** ” Costia simply replies with a shrug. She knows Clarke is not trying to make her uncomfortable like the first time they met. It didn’t hurt her as much as it did the first time because things are different now, she knows it and she could feel it even if Lexa tries hard.

Clarke keeps silent, not knowing what she should say and at the same time she was surprised because whenever she saw Lexa and Costia together they seemed like a happy couple.

“Actually I’m thinking about leaving,” Costia says and Clarke’s eyes widen.

“Leaving?” She asks and Costia nods “I’ll be participating to the Bocuse world cooking contest, it is in January but I want to be there and learn from the best” Costia says.

“France,” Clarke lets out knowingly, she used to watch the contest on Tv with her father.

“Yeah,” Costia says happily.

“Does she know?” Clarke asks worried.

“No, not yet,” Costia answers. “I don’t think we’re going to do the long distance relationship though, we’ve been…I don’t know…distant…detached?” Costia says sadly.

“You should talk to her,” Clarke advises.

“I was going to do it but then her trip came in the way and her birthday so I’ll do it when she's back…after her birthday would be much better,” Costia says thoughtfully.

Clarke remembers one of Finn’s phone conversations with his best friend Raven about throwing a party for her once she is back because they don’t know if she will be back from her trip before her birthday.

She would probably have to be there with Finn of course but she does not know what to give her as a present. The idea to paint something for her crossed her mind, well more exactly the picture she took from her and her mother in her office but she hesitates.

“Clarke,” Costia tries to have her friend’s attention. “You zoned out,” She chuckles.

“Sorry,” Clarke smiles apologetically. “But you really should talk to her,” She insists again feeling sorry for Lexa. She would be left alone, she might even get her heart broken as Lexa really seems to love Costia.

“I know,” Costia replies and quickly tries to change the topic, “so did you find the dress?”

Clarke smiles nervously at Costia and shakes her head.

“Oh, really?” Costia asks again and Clarke shrugs. “I don’t know why but I can’t find the right one for me,” Clarke explains, “I’m thinking about calling Jasper for help.”

“Jasper, Lexa’s Jasper?” Costia asks with wide eyes and Clarke nods.

“Well, that’s…a good idea,” Costia replies.

“You think?” Clarke asks hesitantly.

“Yeah, he really is good at shopping and he's a cool guy,” Costia says making Clarke more comfortable about the idea.

Clarke ends up calling Jasper despite having a little doubt about him being helpful with such a task, but as she has no other choice she has nothing to lose.

“Hello;, this is Miss Griffin,” Clarke starts politely.

“Well hello, Miss Griffin. I was going to call you,” Clarke hears Jasper and she feels instantly nervous.

“Why?” She asks abruptly.

“To see how things are going with your wedding preparations. You never called,” Jasper replies.

“Yeah, about that, I might need your help. Are you available?” Clarke asks shyly.

“Of course I am, Miss Griffin. Miss Woods’ orders are clear, I have to put your needs first,” Jasper says making Clarke’s eyes widen.

“That’s nice of Miss Woods,” Clarke replies finding it weird to name Lexa, Miss Woods.

Clarke sets a meeting for the very next day with Jasper and informs him about her major problem which is the white dress and he reassures her that she is worrying for nothing and knows a perfect place where she can find what she wants.

Indeed, Clarke finds not only one but two dresses that she really likes. Both fits her perfectly and she ends up choosing one after harassing Octavia and Bellamy with texts to choose one that suits her the most and of course Bellamy chooses the one Octavia doesn’t like much.

So she decides to send Costia a picture of both dresses and help her to choose the right one and Costia ends up picking the one Bellamy chose of course and takes it. She walks back to the car happier than ever.

“Thank you Jasper,” Clarke says with a bright smile. “You really saved my wedding, I owe you big.”

“Don’t need to thank me, Clarke. It’s my job and I’m paid for it. You should thank Miss Woods for her help and generosity. She highly estimates your friendship otherwise she wouldn’t have asked me to do this. I’ve been working for her for years and she has never done it…done something like that,” Jasper replies then explains, “She never uses her employees for her personal matters.”

“I'll thank her,” Clarke says feeling weird at Jasper’s words despite knowing already that Lexa is doing her a great favor and has always been generous.

“You should send her an email or something, she really feels lonely,” Jasper adds innocently making Clarke nervous. She wants to ask him for her email at least but it will sound awkward and suspicious. Why would someone you don’t even have his number be so good to you?

**The end of the second week**

**Lexa’s hotel room**

The second week is already at its end and Lexa did not even have the time to check her emails again. She wanted to be alone away from everything and her life but now she is feeling neither happy nor satisfied. She misses her home. Her brother and her friends. She misses Clarke even if she won’t admit it.

She did not have the time to think about her or their situation, not even the wedding. However, tonight as she finds Jasper’s missed call. She remembers everything and checks her emails.

She finds about four emails from him giving her updates about Clarke. She reads them carefully and finds in one of the emails a picture enclosed of the presumed white dress Clarke chose.

Her smile drops when she sees the dress, it somehow brings her to reality and that she shouldn’t be smiling when reading about how Clarke is. She takes a deep breath and types a quick reply for him.

After reading all her emails and replying to the most urgent ones, she opens the picture of Clarke’s dress again, Lexa could tell that the dress would fit perfectly to Clarke. White dresses always fit Clarke perfectly and made her look angelic.

**_Year 2001; Clarke’s eleventh birthday;_ **

**_France; Griffin’s household;_ **

_Thirteen years old Lexa greets Clarke’s parents politely as she gets into their apartment then Jake gestures for her to Clarke’s bedroom. She finds Clarke struggling with a white dress, trying to put it on, her curls stuck at the dresses’ zipper._

_“Attends, Clarke,” (Wait, Clarke,) Lexa halts her best friend, “Laisse moi t’aider.” (Let me help you.)_

_Lexa untangles Clarke’s blonde hair from her white dress that Lexa recognizes from last year. Clarke wore it for a week after her birthday and her parents had hard time to take it off from her._

_Clarke sighs and turns to look at Lexa, “Comment je suis?” (How am I?)_

_Lexa smiles at her best friend, “Belle.” (Beautiful.)_

_“Et ma robe?” (And my dress?) Clarke asks eagerly looking down at her body._

_Lexa lets out a chuckle, “Petite?”_ _(Small?)_

_Clarke pouts, “Mais je veux la mettre.”_ _(But I wanna wear it.)_

_Lexa smiles fondly at her adorable best friend, “Je sais.” (I know.) then she looks into her blue eyes and suggests something, “Et si tu la porte quand tout le monde rentre ce soir?” (And what if you wear it when everyone leave in the evening?)_

_Clarke looks at her best friend for a moment then nods. Lexa helps Clarke again but this time to get her out of the white dress and they spend Clarke’s birthday together along with few of Clarke’s classmates._

_When everyone left, Clarke asked her best friend to help her back into the white dress, Lexa followed Clarke knowing that she is not going to shut up about it until she wears it again. Once_ _she finishes, Clarke places a kiss on her best friend’s cheek. Lexa feels uncomfortable and backs away from Clarke who frowns not liking Lexa’s reaction._

_“What’s wrong?” Clarke asks and Lexa shakes her head “Nothing” She replies shyly._

_“It’s my birthday,” Clarke says. “Don’t I get a kiss?” She asks innocently._

_“You just kissed me,” Lexa replies._

_“No, I didn’t. I barely did when you moved away,” Clarke explains. “You owe me a kiss and it's my birthday."_

_“Not fair” Lexa murmurs “It’s an abuse of power,” She adds making Clarke laugh._

_“Kisses are abusive?” Clarke asks with a smirk Lexa doesn’t reply and takes a step forward and places a chaste kiss on Clarke’s cheek._

_Clarke frowns and jumps at her best friend, making her fall on her bed and showers her face with kisses then looks down at her and says, “This is how birthday kisses should be.”_

_Lexa feels her heart swelling in her chest, feeling Clarke’s lips on her face makes her feel things that she is not acquainted to. She never felt them even for Clarke. It is love but she doesn’t know yet. All she wants to do now is kiss Clarke’s pink lips and hugs her but she hesitates._

_“I’m waiting Lexa,” Clarke says looking down at her best friend._

_Lexa gulps and sits up, Clarke is straddling her and her hair is a mess covering her beautiful face. Lexa’s hands first pushes the hair away from her face, she looks down at her lips then closes her eyes and pushes her own lips against Clarke’s._

_Lexa’s lips first just meets Clarke’s softly then she presses her lips firmly and lingers a moment, giving Clarke the opportunity to feel her lips against her own before moving back, opening her eyes and she waits for her best friend’s reaction._

_Clarke opens her eyes and stutters, “That’s…that’s a kiss. A birthday one.” She looks down at Lexa’s lips then back at her green eyes._

_Lexa finally smiles relieved that Clarke didn’t push her, the two girls never spoke about their kiss, that kiss again. For Lexa, it was her first kiss with the girl she is in love with but at the time she was oblivious to the butterflies in her stomach and the ache in her face caused by her constant smile. She was oblivious because Clarke has always had that effect on her._

**The end of the second week**

**Lexa’s hotel room**

Lexa lets out a sigh at the memory of her first kiss and the way she felt when she was with Clarke. She realizes that despite everything that happened between the two of them and all these years and emptiness, Clarke still makes her feel alive when she is with her.

Even if their last encounters had been awkward, emotional, and full of tension Lexa enjoyed every minute of Clarke’s presence with her. Something rings in her head about that feeling, something familiar and scary.

She doesn’t want to dwell on it, she needs to make things right this time around, not hurt Clarke and make her happy. Finn makes her happy and she is not going to mess with Clarke’s happiness despite her feelings for her. Because she loves Clarke and she is ready to do anything for her happiness.

Lexa allows herself to be weak while she is away and no one can see her and know about her feelings. She spends her night crying over Clarke and decides to make things right as soon as she is back home.

She needs to keep her distance from Clarke, she needs to tell Costia about the way she feels about her, that she wants to stop whatever they are because she is clearly making her miserable with her and she cares for her too much to let it happen.

That night was the last one Lexa allowed herself to cry again over Clarke and made a promise to herself that she will do whatever she needs to do to forget about her because she is few days away from being her sister in-law.

The third week goes by like a blur for Lexa between work and meetings, she was able to wrap up everything in the third week. She kept checking the update emails from home but replied occasionally. She avoided to read Clarke’s updates from Jasper purposely and it cleared her mind during the day.

However, when she is laying on the bed at night her thoughts always go to Clarke and their childhood together. She lets her mind wander far in the past and in a presumed future sustained with ‘ _What if_ ’ then when she feels emotionally drained she sleeps.

**Lexa’s office building;**

**The conference room;**

Anya has been avoiding Raven as much as before the younger brunette got sick, if not more. The other day at Raven’s apartment when Octavia showed up, Anya left without saying good bye to her best friend thinking that Octavia is going to take care of her anyway and it will be awkward to stay there feeling like a third wheel.

Raven was busy first due to the work that piled up during her absence so she did not have the time to talk to Anya too who thought that Raven was avoiding her as much as she was. It hurt her of course but she was not going to admit it or let her feelings dictate her behavior. So, hiding was the best alternative for Anya but she knows that there is no way she is going to avoid Raven any longer.

Raven storms into the conference room with Anya’s bag in her hand, she left it in her apartment the other day. Anya’s heart stopped how in the world she forgot to take her bag before leaving Raven’s apartment.

Raven throws the bag at her best friend and looks at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Thank you,” Anya simply says.

“What? Is that what you have to say?” Raven replies angrily but Anya doesn’t say anything she just looks blankly at her.

“Why didn’t you stay? And why in the hell are you avoiding me again?” Raven asks.

Anya sighs and stands up feeling like Raven was towering her. She needs her intimidating posture to regain her confidence and talk to Raven, “Your girlfriend was there, you didn’t need me.”

“Octavia was there to check on me not to spend the night, I needed you to take care of me not her….God I wasn’t ready for her to see me like that,” Raven replies angrily while stepping closer to her best friend.

Anya’s eyes widen she feels stupid and Raven sure is right at being mad. She feels stupid because she could have been the one spending the night with Raven and taking care of her. She looks into her best friend’s eyes and feels her heart tug. She wants to hug her anger away but despite being best friends Anya was rarely affectionate with her friends.

“I’m sorry, I just thought…your girlfriend was…” Anya was stuttering and it took Raven by surprised she never saw Anya stuttering. She looks in her eyes and could see honesty in her apology.

“Come here,” Raven replies wrapping her arms around Anya’s shoulders. Anya stiffens and doesn’t reciprocate but relaxes in her best friend’s arms then Raven takes a step back from Anya’s personal space, “You’re my best friend, Anya.”

Anya smiles weakly at Raven’s effort to reassure her, she wants to tell her how she feels, she wants to tell her that she is afraid and that she might be in love with her. She wants to tell her many things but she does not know how to do it. If only Raven asks her or notices it, it would be much easier to just nod as a confirmation.

However, Raven was not really attentive to the signs and even if she felt like her best friend was jealous she mistook it for another thing so she adds, “I know you don’t like Octavia but you don’t have to be jealous. I know I haven’t been around since I’ve been dating her but I really _really_ like her and I love you, you’re my best friend.”

The pain Anya is feeling in her chest at her best friend’s words is sure making her aware of her heart’s presence and the feelings she has for her, she gulps and looks away avoiding to meet Raven’s eyes afraid that the brunette might read her.

“And I would love if you give her a chance and know her. She's not that bad Anya, she makes me happy," Raven continues trying to convince her best friend.

“She makes you happy?” Anya says disappointed.

Raven nods with a genuine smile, “She does.” Anya forces a smile on her face this is it, she just gave her a reason to not tell her whatever the hell she is feeling, their staring is interrupted by a light knock on the door’s frame.

“Lexa,” Raven lets out confused.

It is the first day back to work for Lexa, she arrived home late at night and did not bother to inform any of her friends or employees to get her from the airport. She took a cab and got home. She knows if she tells them she would have found them in her office or worse at her place with a surprise party for her birthday as it was the same day she got home and she was too tired for it.

Lexa arrived a little bit late than usual to her office and when she went to Anya’s office she found it empty just as Raven’s so when she asked her secretary she told her that after her departure Anya worked mostly in the small conference room.

“Raven, Anya,” Lexa smiles at her best friends. She missed them a lot and it is nice to see familiar faces that makes her feel home.

Lexa does not fail to notice the way Anya is, she did not even greet her and she kept throwing glances at Raven during their whole meeting. After talking about everything with her two best friends she asks Anya to follow her in her office.

Lexa waits for Anya to sit before she starts, “How are you?” Lexa’s voice is full of concern.

“I’m fine,” Anya flashes her a smile to hide her true reply.

“You don’t look fine to me,” Lexa replies.

“I’m just tired, I might take few days to rest,” Anya says but Lexa feels like there is much to it. Anya was not afraid of extra work and she has done it before take the reins in Lexa’s absence but she never asked for few days off.

“Is everything settled with Raven?” Lexa asks.

“Yes,” Anya answers shortly.

“I saw the way you looked at her back in the conference room, Anya. It didn’t seem to be settled,” Lexa insists.

“I…no. It is, we talked and we’re fine I just need some time off, Lexa,” Anya replies nervously.

“Why? Why do you need some time off, Anya?” Lexa asks again.

Anya lets out a deep sigh and shrugs without replying to Lexa who looks intently at her then says, “You…you don’t like Octavia and I know that look you give Raven lately, Anya.” She tries to avoid Lexa’s eyes. “What look?” She lets out angrily.

“The look you give to someone you love, the look you used to give Nyko,” Lexa says defiantly.

“It's different, Lexa. Of course I love her, she's my best friend,” Anya attempts to lie.

“Bullshit!” Lexa exclaims. “You don’t look at me that way. Don’t worry I’m not going to say anything. It’s just…it pains me to see you like this,” She adds in concern.

Anya’s shoulders relaxes, she can’t lie to Lexa further and she can be off guard with her. She knows Lexa will not say anything.

“How? How do you know? Am I this obvious?” Anya asks confused.

Lexa smiles tenderly at her best friend. “I know you well, Anya,” She simply replies.

“Then why doesn’t she see it?” Anya asks again but this time she dares to look into her best friend’s eyes.

“I don’t know,” Lexa shakes her head, “maybe because you are straight and you never were interested in a girl before.”

Anya nods positively. “I'm not even sure what I feel about her,” She says almost in a whisper.

“Talk to her,” Lexa suggests warily.

“I can’t. She's with…Octavia,” Anya says then looks away, “She makes her happy, she is happy. I can’t. I can’t make her happy, I’m a closet case.”

Lexa’s heart aches for her best friend, she knows what it feels like hell she is living it every single day since Finn is back. She understands Anya more than she lets her know.

“Take the time you need,” Lexa says walking towards her best friend.

“Thanks,” Anya replies standing up.

Lexa leans in hesitantly and gives a comforting hug for her best friend. “Just don’t leave for too long, I need you around here,” Lexa says after pulling back from Anya’s personal space.

Anya smiles at her, “I won’t, I’ll take maybe a week and happy birthday Lexa.”

Lexa smiles back at her best friend, “Thank you, I know they are planning for a party and I’d like to see you there before you leave.”

“Oh, that. I…I will,” Anya reassures her then adds, “Just don’t let Raven know…tell her I’m somewhere in Europe for a week or anything.”

“Don’t worry,” Lexa replies.

Lexa takes a deep breath and tries to focus back on her work, she did not want to think about Anya’s situation which was much similar to her own with Clarke and Finn. She misses Clarke, and she misses seeing her, being with her and talking to her. Even if talking to her about their past as a little bit painful especially the Jake part, she loved it.

She missed her friend, her best friend that saved her life back when she was just a kid. Clarke was her everything. She was the only person who loved her and made her feel less lonely in a foreign country.

Yet, she needs to forget about her and everything they ever was. She also needs to stop thinking about her now to get back to work and call Costia.

She missed Costia but not as much as she should, at least not as much as she misses seeing Clarke. She knows she has to make things right and be honest with Costia and therefore she wants to talk to her as soon as possible.

Later that day, Lexa drives to Costia’s apartment but doesn’t find her. Lexa thinks that she might still be in her restaurant but she doesn’t find her there too. So she decides to call her and see where she can meet her.

“Hey beautiful,” Lexa speaks as soon as Costia picks up.

“Hey Love,” Costia replies happily.

“How are you?” Lexa asks.

“I’m fine. I just miss you,” Costia replies.

“I miss you too. I went to your place also to your restaurant but you’re nowhere,” Lexa exclaims.

“You’re here?” Costia screams joyfully.

“Yeah, I came back yesterday night and I wanna see you,” Lexa replies.

“I’m at your brother’s place…they say hi,” Costia informs her then Finn takes Costia’s phone and adds, “Alex, come join us for dinner.”

“Finn?” Lexa lets out nervously.

“Bring your ass to my place,” Finn says before hanging up not giving Lexa the time to refuse.

Lexa hesitates for a moment, she doesn’t want to be suspicious or give Clarke the impression that she might feel uncomfortable around her, not anymore. She wants to be sure and prove it that she is over Clarke, she is over her.

In addition, she misses her and her brother too along with Costia and having dinner with them would be nice after they talked now they can enjoy being with their friends without feeling awkward or any tension in the air.

**************

When Lexa gets to Finn’s apartment, she takes a deep breath to get herself ready for what is behind the door waiting for her then she knocks and waits. Costia is the one to open the door and jumps at Lexa “Hey” She whispers against her girlfriend’s neck.

“Hi,” Lexa smiles wrapping her arms around Costia’s waist.

Costia pulls back and kisses Lexa on the lips then looks at her, “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you,” Lexa smiles back at Costia.

“Come in,” Costia says pulling Lexa in.

Lexa walks behind Costia her hand in hers, her heart racing at the anticipation of seeing Clarke again. When Lexa gets in the kitchen Finn is the first one who greets her with a warm hug.

“I missed you,” He says.

“I missed you too,” Lexa replies looking at Clarke over Finn’s shoulder who has a spatula in her hand.

Clarke smiles at Lexa warmly, she puts the spatula in her hand and walks towards her, Lexa does not know what to expect but for sure not what Clarke does next. She gives her a welcoming hug, a friendly one which takes Lexa by surprise. Feeling Clarke’s arms around her shoulder was unexpected but not unwelcomed. She wanted to reciprocate to keep Clarke longer in her arms but the hug was just a friendly one lasting barely a few seconds.

 _“Joyeux anniversaire,”_ (Happy birthday,) Clarke says melting Lexa’s heart. It has been a long time she did not hear Clarke’s French.

 _“Merci,”_ (Thank you,) Lexa simply replies but her eyes said more. ‘ _Thank you for the hug, I missed you, thank you for being back in my life_ ’. It lights up her mood the way Clarke greets her, thinking that maybe they will be able to be friends again.

Costia wraps her arms again around her girlfriend and whispers something in her ear, making Clarke look away and Finn says, “You guys can catch up in the living-room while me and Clarke get dinner ready.”

Costia smiles into Lexa’s neck shyly then pulls back. “It’s ok, I just missed her,” Costia replies.

“We all did,” Finn adds, “but we didn’t expect you to be back that early.”

Clarke looks at Lexa, she misses her it just hit her how much she has missed Lexa and she was glad that she is back, earlier than expected.

“I finished sooner and I got home sick,” Lexa says.

They end up staying with them in the kitchen, Clarke tried hard to not look at Lexa longer than she should or as she wanted to because Costia was facing her and she felt awkward when Costia wrapped her arms protectively around Lexa when she greeted her back.

She felt like Costia was jealous while she knows she is about to leave her. She thought it is hypocrite from the redhead but at the same time she does not know if she really is going to leave or not and she did not want to judge her.

Meanwhile, Lexa was totally oblivious to the way Costia was clinging to her thinking that maybe it is just because she really misses her. She did notice that Clarke avoided to meet her eyes and when she did she smiled at her but then she thought that maybe it is just her imagination and Clarke is just being nice for Finn’s sake.

The dinner goes well, better than Clarke or Lexa were expecting it to be and the way it should have been the first time around. They talked easily and both took part in the conversation, and they acted civil just as they were supposed to do.

When it was time for them to leave, Costia reminded them about the birthday party that will be for tomorrow. Finn gave a hug for his sister and wished her happy birthday. Lexa smiles at him then looks at Clarke, “It was nice seeing you again.”

Clarke smiles back at her and Finn replies, “See you tomorrow birthday girl.”

Lexa looks at her girlfriend, “Do you wanna maybe come to my place tonight?” Lexa wants to talk to Costia as soon as possible. They have been friends for so long and it is not fair to Costia to keep lying to her and keep her in a relationship like theirs.

“Of course,” Costia replies. “I missed you,” She says kissing her languorously.

They drive separately to Lexa’s place and as soon as they get home, Lexa goes into her bathroom and showers. Costia insists on joining her and Lexa finds it hard to talk to her now as Costia has something else in her mind. She hopes tomorrow she would be able to do it.

The next morning, Lexa wakes up to an empty bed. Costia left early to get her girlfriend’s birthday cake ready for tonight. Lexa sighs, she is tired to wait longer to do it, it is becoming harder as Costia disappears whenever she tries to talk to her.

**Lexa’s birthday party;**

**Lexa’s mansion;**

When Lexa got home she found Raven, Octavia and Costia already there. Costia and Raven are the ones who planned and took care of everything for Lexa’s birthday party and Octavia tagged along because Raven asked her to help.

Her heart aches for her best friend Anya at the sight of Octavia and Raven together. Indeed, Raven looks happy and she wouldn’t blame Anya if she doesn’t show up.

After showering and changing into more comfortable clothes, she goes back to the living room and finds Finn and Clarke greeting Raven, Costia and Octavia.

She greets them as well then takes her phone and calls Anya to see if she is coming or not but Anya doesn’t reply and few minutes later, she walks into the living room with a huge bouquet of flowers.

“Hey birthday girl,” Anya says handing Lexa the bouquet. Clarke doesn’t miss the way Anya looks at her best friend and Raven and remembers Octavia’s words about the fact that Anya might be into her best friend Raven.

Lexa takes the bouquet of flowers, smiles at it and takes a deep breath. Both Costia and Clarke smiles at the sight of Lexa’s reaction, she gets way too excited when there’s flowers around. Raven is too busy looking at Octavia.

“It’s not fair, Anya. You definitely win the best present now,” Finn pouts comically.

“And that’s not all. Wait for the real one,” She raises her eyebrows making her friends laugh.

Lexa hugs Anya tightly and whispers in her ear, “Thank you for coming.” Anya pulls back and smiles at her best friend, “I told you I’ll come.”

Lexa nods and takes the bouquet to put it in water, Costia follows her while the others go back to what they were doing.

Clarke was at the bar pouring drinks for her and Finn while he is chatting with Octavia and Raven. Anya looks awkwardly around, not knowing where she should be especially without Lexa or Costia there.

She decides to take a drink that might help her to control her emotions and her nerves. Clarke smiles politely at her when she sees her approaching the bar. She pours another drink and hands it to her, she feels sorry for Anya despite what she put her through the other day.

“Thank you,” Anya says without looking at Clarke then adds, “I hope there’s nothing additional in it.”

Clarke chuckles lightly, “No, you’re safe this time.”

“How is the wedding preparations going?” Anya tries to make a conversation with Clarke just to keep her busy enough to avoid Octavia and Raven.

“Good,” Clarke replies after sipping from her drink.

“So you’re still willing to marry Finn,” Anya remarks.

“Yeah,” Clarke replies. “I think you’re invited, no?” Clarke jokes.

“Yes, I got the invitation. Thanks,” Anya replies with a smile.

“Let’s join them,” Clarke nods toward the others, takes Finn’s drink and walks followed by Anya.

**************

“You left early this morning,” Lexa says.

“Yeah, I had to,” Costia replies.

“I wanted to talk to you, I hope you’re staying tonight…we need to talk,” Lexa manages to say despite feeling nervous about the talk.

“Oh, ok. I’ll have something to tell you too,” Costia replies.

Lexa smiles nervously at her and nods. “Then we’ll talk tonight,” Lexa says then stops Costia and asks her, “Did you invite Octavia or she came with Raven?”

Costia frowns, “She came with Raven, why?”

Lexa sighs, “Nothing, just asking.”

Lexa goes back to the living-room and finds her friends all chatting and laughing together. Anya seemed fine, her discomfort was not obvious and Lexa was happy to see her smiling.

They spend the evening drinking and talking about everything, Lexa was happy to have all of her friends and family around even with the special addition of Clarke. She never thought that Clarke would be in one of her birthdays ever again, she never thought that she will see her ever again let along enjoy her presence so nicely without tension.

Long after the cake and the stupid little games Raven insisted on having, Lexa started unwrapping her friends’ presents and thanking them and when she finished Finn looked at his fiancée and said, “Clarke, Where's yours?”

Lexa’s eyes widen she sees Clarke’s discomfort and interrupts, “It’s ok, Finn. She doesn’t have to bring anything.”

“She did, Alex and I’m sure you’re going to love it,” Finn replies.

Clarke shifts awkwardly, she wanted to give Lexa her present but not now when everyone is here. She wanted to give it to her when she is alone and that’s why she kept it in the car. “I forgot it in the car,” She smiles nervously at them. ”I’ll go get it,” She adds before leaving.

Clarke goes back with a canvas wrapped in a white paper and a beautiful purple ribbon nicely tied in a bow and a little envelope glued to it. Lexa’s heart stops at the apparent shape of the present. It is obvious that it is a painting. Clarke steps closer and give it to Lexa who smiles at her nervously.

Lexa takes the little envelope which was glued on the bow and puts it on her lap to read it later then unwraps it with shaky hands and when she turns it her heart stops. It is a painting of her and her mother very similar to the last picture of them together. Lexa’s feels her tears welling in her eyes, she looks up at Clarke with a smile and breathes out a thank you.

Costia looks intently at the painting and frowns, the style of the artist is very familiar to her. She has seen this brush somewhere and just when she shushes the thoughts away, Finn speaks, “See how talented she is?”

Lexa looks at her brother and nods silently feeling too overwhelmed to speak, Costia looks at Clarke and sees her staring at Lexa with a smile on her face, she feels like there is something she does not know or she missed few days ago the two women despised each other and now they are friendly and different. She makes a note to herself to ask Lexa because it really intrigues her.

Except for the music on the background, the living-room is silent everyone is looking at Lexa and waiting for her to say something while she is staring at the details of the painting.

Octavia feels like there is something she doesn’t know about the painting, something Clarke maybe omitted and for the sake of her best friend’s she decides to break the silence.

“We should dance,” Octavia stands up and takes Raven’s hand.

Raven smiles, “Ok.” She follows Octavia and waves for the others to join her. Finn is the first one to join them and Anya looks jealously at the new couple dancing together. She looks back at Lexa and says, “I gotta go.” And leaves.

Costia tries to get her girlfriend’s attention by rubbing her back, “Babe, let’s dance.” Clarke looks away and takes her drink to refill it.

Lexa finally tears her gaze away from the painting in her hands up to where Clarke was but doesn’t find her and looks for her. Then she feels Costia’s hand still on her back and she turns and looks at her.

“Wanna dance?” Costia asks again taking Lexa’s hand in hers to pull her with her. Lexa complies, she takes the envelope from her lap and puts it on the coffee table along with the canvas and follows her girlfriend.

Clarke tries to avoid looking at Lexa who is now dancing and staring at her over Costia’s shoulder. She could see that Lexa wants to talk to her but she knows they cannot do it with everyone around.

Indeed, Lexa wants to talk to Clarke she wants to thank her to tell her many things and to ask her about what is written in the letter but she feels trapped with Costia and Finn around. She knows she has to come clean with Costia and stop whatever they are. Now, she knows for sure that Costia is not the one for her.

Few minutes later, Lexa manages to slip away from Costia’s attention and goes straight to the coffee table and takes the little envelope and leaves the living-room.

Clarke’s eyes were on her all the time even if it was not obvious, when she saw Lexa taking the envelope and walking away she followed her. Lexa didn’t hear her footsteps nor see her as her mind was too absorbed.

Lexa ends up getting in her bedroom, she sits on the edge of her bed and opens the envelope carefully with trembling fingers when she hears a light knock on the door she looks up and sees Clarke.

Blue locks with green and Clarke could see the smile reaching Lexa’s eyes, she smiles back at her and takes a step in. Lexa stands up and walks in her direction and closes the door behind her but doesn’t move, she could literally feel her heart beating against her chest almost painfully and it was too distracting to do the right thing and step away from Clarke’s personal space.

They are standing next to each other, close to one another Clarke can even smell Lexa’s perfume her eyes are on her old best friend’s face but Lexa’s eyes are looking down in her own hand, “Can I?” Clarke whispers putting her hand on Lexa’s to take the envelope and Lexa’s heart swells.

Lexa looks up into Clarke’s eyes then back down at their hands and breathes out a yes and looks back up to her face. Her hand itches she wants to touch Clarke’s hair and push the strand of hair from her face but refrains.

Clarke clears her throat lightly and smiles nervously at Lexa then reads, " _Chère Lexa, Je te souhaite un joyeux anniversaire et une longue vie remplie de joie et de bonheur autour de ceux qui t’aiment…_ _" (I wish you a happy birthday and a long life full of joy and happiness around those who love you…)_ Clarke stops reading and looks up to Lexa and adds, “ _Autour de nous_ …. _Your crazy princess.” (Around us….your crazy princess.)_

Lexa’s breath hitches and she feels her heart thud against her chest. She feels the urge to squeeze Clarke tightly in her arms and without thinking it through she wraps her arms around Clarke and nuzzles against her neck.

Clarke freezes at first then relaxes in the familiar embrace, her own hands wrap around Lexa's back bringing their chests impossibly closer. She could feel Lexa’s irregular breathing due to Lexa’s heaving chest and her hot breath against her neck.

They stay like that wrapped in each other’s arms for a long moment but what felt like a few seconds for Lexa when she feels Clarke’s hold loosen around her chest she leans her head back slowly from Clarke’s neck without completely pulling away from the embrace.

Clarke does the same, thinking that Lexa will pull away enough to look at her but Lexa does not. She closes her eyes as her cheek brushes against Clarke’s then stops when her nose meets Clarke’s.

With their noses touching, Lexa opens her eyes to look into Clarke's blue eyes but the blonde has them closed. Lexa wants to lean a little bit and catch Clarke’s lips but she cannot. She knows she should not do it and she knows she might lose her again if not, she will lose her brother.

However, she cannot help herself breathing out “ _Clarke_ ” in a desperate tone making Clarke gasp and open her eyes to meet her green looking pleadingly at her. Clarke gulps and cups Lexa’s face in her hands, Lexa feels like her heart is going to explode. She knows that look, Clarke knows it too. Lexa is asking her something so she leans up and places a soft kiss on the brunette’s nose.

Lexa smiles and her heart breaks at being denied a kiss despite knowing that Clarke made the right move. Hell, she should not have even kissed her nose but in the other hand Lexa is grateful for Clarke’s decision as she was too weak and could not keep her self-control. She lets out a weak smile and a whispered thank you.

Clarke nods understanding all the innuendos hidden in it. Seeing that Lexa was not thinking clearly, she forced herself to pull back from her embrace. It broke her heart but she knows it is the right thing to do now. She walks to the center of the room passing Lexa and looks directly at her canvas, the one she gave Lexa years ago.

“You kept it,” She says, Lexa turns back and looks at the direction Clarke is looking to and gets it.

“Yeah,” She replies shyly feeling disarmed.

“Why?” Clarke blurts out looking at Lexa who is now standing next to her.

Lexa looks at Clarke she wants to reply honestly but she is interrupted by the door opening she looks back and finds Costia.

Costia looks between the two of them with a frown, then flashes them a smile. Clarke feels embarrassed she freezes in her spot, she gives Lexa the letter back.

Lexa takes it in her hand and replies ignoring Costia who is coming closer in her direction, “Thank you again, Clarke.”

Costia wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist jealously and looks at Clarke, “Thank you, Clarke for the painting.” Clarke smiles nervously at her and nods with a fake smile. Lexa feels Costia’s hands wandering down to her crotch and before she can react Costia captures her lips in a searing kiss, Clarke looks away and walks out of the bedroom.

Lexa pulls back from the kiss and looks questioningly at Costia, she wants to ask her what is it about but she does not want to hear a doubtful reply, “We should go back to our guests.”

Costia whines in disapproval and Lexa pushes her softly and walks out of the bedroom, Costia takes a deep breath her doubts just got enhanced igniting a fire of anger and jealousy in her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Lexa’s mansion; Lexa’s birthday party;**

**Living-room;**

Clarke walks back to the living-room feeling nervous. She does not know how much did Costia see or what she thinks it was because clearly she was jealous. She does not want to make things complicated, they just got a step forward in the right direction with their talk towards a less tense relationship and Clarke hopes towards a friendship along the way. But it seems that they just took two steps backwards now.

She goes to Finn hoping that he will agree to leave with her, "Finn, can we leave?" Finn looks at her confused. "Is everything alright?" He asks.

"Yeah, I just wanna go home," Clarke lies because she cannot tell him, _'No, nothing is alright.'_

"Ok, few more minutes to tell Alex bye and we leave," Finn replies and Clarke smiles at him relieved. She takes another drink while waiting for Lexa and Costia to be back so they can leave then Raven looks at her and asks, "Do you know where Anya is?" 

Clarke is somehow surprised that Raven asks _her_ about Anya. "I think she left," Clarke replies. The brunette frowns. "Are you sure?" She insists and Clarke nods. Octavia throws a glance at her best friend who nods lightly in confirmation. Clarke understands what Octavia is trying to tell her with her eyes. It is obvious that Anya left because she was jealous.

"Rey, I should leave...it's getting late and I've to wake up early tomorrow," Octavia excuses herself.

"No, not you too," Raven pouts. "At least stay for another drink, please?" She suggests to lure her girlfriend to stay but Octavia refuses politely, "I can't, Rey."

Lexa walks back to the living-room with Costia. She goes straightly to the bar and grabs a drink, she really needs it for the upcoming talk with Costia who goes to join Finn and Clarke making the latter uncomfortable.

"Here you're guys, we're leaving," Finn informs Costia who looks at Clarke. "Are you ok Clarke?” She asks with a smirk on her face, Clarke feels her cheeks reddening, “Yeah, I’m just a little bit tired,” She smiles guiltily at Costia then Lexa joins them.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Costia asks Clarke and Lexa looks between the two of them.

“Yeah as usual,” She smiles at Costia.

“Thanks for coming guys, and Clarke! Thank you for the painting it really is beautiful,” Lexa gathers her strength enough to take a step forward and give Clarke another hug in front of both Finn and Costia. Clarke is taken by surprise and does not react, Lexa notices it but does not blame her.

Octavia’s eyes widen at what she is seeing and almost spills out her drink when Finn speaks, “Finally the two women in my life kiss and make up.”

Costia looks at Finn and flashes him a nervous smile, she wants to punch him in the face for the stupid comment he just made. Clarke chuckles nervously and looks at Costia to see her staring daggers at Finn while Octavia is looking speechlessly at them.

“We should go,” Clarke says greeting her teeth.

Raven ends up deciding to leave as everyone already left feeling like she is cock blocking her best friends as the tension between her and Costia is obvious. “Time for me to go ladies. Lexa, enjoy the birthday sex,” She winks at Lexa who rolls her eyes.

“Bye Raven,” Both women say in unison.

When Lexa goes back to her bedroom, Costia follows her silently. She knows they are about to talk and according to Lexa’s behavior and silence, it is clear it is going to be a serious talk.

“Lexa?” Costia wants to get Lexa’s attention. Lexa stops unbuttoning her shirt and looks back at her.

“Did I do something wrong?” Costia asks while walking to the bed and sits on the edge, Lexa shakes her head and says, “No, but we need to talk.”

“Ok, I’m listening,” Costia says warily.

“I’d rather hear what you want to tell me first,” Lexa says.

“It's nothing important, it can wait,” Costia lies because she wants to know what Lexa is about to tell her.

“Ok, just give a minute to change into something comfortable,” Lexa says while resuming her task, undressing.

Costia nods and warches at her intently, Lexa does not look at her in the eyes as usual, she does not smile at her when taking off each piece of clothes as she is used to do. Lexa is different, or more exactly like the old Lexa, guarded.

Costia braces herself and waits patiently for Lexa to finish what she is doing meanwhile her eyes fall on the canvas on the wall and she stares curiously at it for a moment then she is brought back from her thought by Lexa’s voice, “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting, Costia.”

“It's ok, I’m listening,” The redhead says with a wary smile.

Lexa walks to the bed and sits next to her girlfriend and smiles at her weakly. It is not going to be easy because she knows Costia loves her and she is going to break her heart but she knows that she needs to do it rather sooner than later.

“I want to talk about us, Costia. I think we should break up because it's unfair to you,” Lexa says in a calm and collected voice.

Costia’s heart shatters even if deep down she was expecting it and it was obvious that Lexa will end up breaking up with her. She tries to keep the tears inside that just welled up in her eyes and says, “Is it Clarke?” She saw the way they looked at one another and it all came back to her when she found them here too close.

Lexa’s eyes widen she never in the world would have expected to hear that question from Costia. She wants to say no but she cannot lie to her they are friends before they have been anything else.

Costia asks again and this time she somehow connects the dots, she points her index finger at the painting on the wall and asks again, “Is it her? Is it Clarke on the fucking painting, Lexa?” This time her voice is evidently harsher and angry.

Lexa looks at the painting and feels guilty and at the same time she feels naked as her sweetest and deepest secret is about to be exposed, she gulps looking back at Costia and nods. The redhead cannot help the tears flowing down her cheeks after Lexa’s confirmation and Lexa freaks out, “No, no it's not her…I mean yes it is her on the painting but it's not because of her that we’re breaking up.”

Costia chuckles sarcastically. “You really think I’m stupid enough to believe you?” She lets out harshly and Lexa’s eyes widen. She never saw Costia that angry or heard her talking like that.

“Costia please, you know I’d never lie to you,” Lexa replies looking into Costia’s eyes who closes them and takes a deep breath, she knows what Lexa is saying is true but she can’t help feeling like that.

“If you never lied to me; why did you never mention this? Why and how and when?” The redhead asks opening back her eyes and looking into Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa looks down at her hands guiltily. She does not know how she is going to explain everything. She takes what is left of her strength to look back at her and says, “I didn’t lie to you, Costia. I never told anyone about Clarke.” She shakes her head, “not even Finn. No one knows about her, and I can assure you that we barely are friends now.” She stops looking at Costia who wipes her tears and looks back at her.

“Do you love her?” Costia asks, she could tell Lexa is telling the truth but she wants to know if Lexa does not reciprocate her love because her heart belongs to Clarke. Lexa bites her tongue and replies, “No.”

_Lies._

Costia nods, “Ok.” It seems to be the good answer and she believes her, Lexa resumes, “I knew her back when I was in France, we were friends and she painted that for me when I went back there after my eighteenth birthday-”

“Why did you hide that you know her?” Costia asks interrupting her.

“I don’t know.” Lies again. “I never thought I’d see her again…and when I saw her I just didn’t tell anyone,” She says vaguely and Costia frowns.

“You love her,” Costia states. Lexa does not speak, she just looks at her feeling ashamed. Her eyes well in tears. “No, I don’t,” She tries to deny because admitting it and hearing it loudly breaks heart deep enough to reach for her old wounds.

Costia feels guilty at seeing Lexa’s tears, she loves her and she cannot handle the sight of her tears. Sure, Lexa just broke her heart but she never did something wrong to her intentionally. She always was nice to her and honest with her except for this time.

She scoots closer to Lexa and hugs her. “That’s ok, Lexa,” She lets out a sob herself trying to force her words even if she knows they are going to hurt her. Costia knows how Lexa is feeling just like her, she is in love with someone that cannot be hers or return her feelings.

“You’re going to get over her,” She whispers against Lexa’s hair, “That’s ok.”

Lexa breaks down in Costia’s arms and feels even more of a mess as she should be the one comforting Costia, she is the one who put them through all of this. She is the one breaking the heart of the woman who loves her.

She pushes herself out of Costia’s embrace and blurts out, “I’m sorry.” Then wipes her tears and Costia’s before taking a deep breath and adding, “I’m sorry, Costia. I really care about you…you’re my friend.” She smiles at her, eyes filled with tears again, “I don’t wanna lose you and it's unfair to you to be in a relationship with someone like me. You deserve someone better.”

Costia nods in understanding despite feeling her heart bleeding, she wants to tell her ‘ _But I want you, no one else_ ’ but refrains and instead she breaths out, “I know.”

She keeps silent for a moment and when she sees that Lexa is not going to say anything further she lets out with a sad smile, “Then, that’s it. The end of us?”

Lexa does not dare to look her in the eyes. “You still are my best friend and important to me, I care about you Costia. I know maybe it's not the right time now and you might need some space but I really hope that you'll forgive me one day and be part of my life. You’re my family,” Lexa says in one breath afraid that Costia leaves before knowing what she has to say.

Her breath hitches and she lets out a chocked sob, Lexa just told her that she is her family, part of her family. She likes the words, she craved to feel them and hear them for months but Lexa never told them until now. But it is too late for them.

Costia looks at Lexa for a moment thinking about what she just said. She is not sure she will be able to move on while being around her. She is in love with her and she will only hurt seeing her but not being able to touch her, kiss her and be her girlfriend.

She shakes her head. “I don’t know Lexa. I need to process what is…what is happening. I can’t say I won’t be mad at you and avoid you…Hell I wanna hate you but I know I can’t,” She lets out some tears and Lexa’s heart breaks.

Lexa cups her face and wipes her tears, “Don’t, please.” She doesn't want to see Costia crying. The redhead pulls back and tugs at Lexa’s hands to free herself from her touch. It is only making things worse for her. “I promise I'll try…I’ll try to keep in touch.”

Lexa frowns, “Wait.” She grabs Costia’s wrist who was about to leave, “What do you mean?”

Costia sighs and looks painfully at Lexa. “I'm leaving for a few months. Maybe I won’t come back ever. I don’t know yet,” She confesses.

“Where?” Lexa blurts out.

“France,” Costia replies.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologizes once again letting Costia’s wrist free, not knowing what to say then just as Costia is about to open Lexa’s bedroom door to leave she adds, “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Costia gives her a weak smile, “I won’t. It's our secret.” She knows that Lexa is talking about her love for Clarke, “but you should talk to her.”

Lexa feels her heart sink. “I can’t,” She shakes her head. Costia looks at her. “Then try to move on that’s what I’m going to do,” She advises and Lexa’s heart shatters.

* * *

**A week later; At Lexa’s office building;**

**Lexa’s office;**

It has been a week since the birthday party, the day everything changed for Lexa. She was not expecting for her life to have a drastic change in a few weeks and certainly not in one evening. It all started when her brother Finn came back and she met his future wife then things got worse with the time until their talk. Lexa thought it was a good thing, a real healing process and it prepped the scene to carve the way to a lost friendship she missed, at least that is what she thought.

But then, things crumbled down as she realized the depth of her feelings for Clarke. She realized the strong pull towards her, a strong bond that even through the years and pain, is alive and still makes her lose control. She makes a promise to herself to not let Clarke get further than she already is under her skin because she made her broke the heart of a dear friend of hers. Costia.

During the whole week, she did not dare to call her not after what happened between them, not after what she put her through. Nonetheless, she kept asking Raven about her. As for Clarke, she tried to avoid her as much as she could she let Jasper take care of everything that needed to be done with Clarke.

“Is everything alright?” Lexa hears Raven saying. She did not even see her coming in, she was deep in her thoughts.

“Yeah,” Lexa simply replies and Raven does not want to insist she knows Lexa closes off whenever she is not ok and she will not talk until she wants to do it.

“I don’t get it why Anya gets a week off and not me,” Raven remarks.

“She needed it, she took care of everything on my leave,” Lexa explains.

“That’s not fair,” Raven says again. “and I miss her,” She adds fidgeting with her phone. “She doesn’t even text me back.”

“She's ok, don’t worry,” Lexa reassures her best friend.

“How do you know?” Raven looks suspiciously at her.

Lexa shrugs, “I talked to her yesterday…about work.” Raven looks angry at hearing Lexa’s words. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her, seriously,” Raven lets out. Lexa wants to tell her everything but she knows it is not her place and she cannot betray her other best friend’s trust so she says nothing. Raven looks at her for a moment then says accusingly, “You know!”

Lexa’s eyes widen feeling uncomfortable at hiding the truth from her best friend, “I know but it's not my place to tell you.”

“You know? You knew all this time and you left me clueless?” Raven spits out angrily this time, feeling betrayed. Lexa does not react she knows Raven is pissed off and she lets her be.

“You fucking knew and I was worrying alone, not knowing what's going on?”

“I told you, I’m sorry I can’t…you know Anya,” Lexa replies.

“What is it? Is she sick? Is she dying or what?” Raven asks frantically worried.

“No, no. She’s healthy, Raven. Calm down,” Lexa says.

“She's ill, it explains the way she became nice…and calm…and boring,” Raven talks to herself more than to Lexa, freaking out and jumping into hurried conclusions.

“Raven, stop it. She’s healthy, I can assure you that,” Lexa says trying to get her best friend’s nerves to calm down.

“Then why was she behaving weirdly? Tell me!” Raven orders angrily and Lexa feels like things are getting out of hand.

“I told you, Raven. It’s not my place to tell you. Ask her when she's back,” Lexa says.

“When is she coming back?” Raven asks looking at her knowing that she knows.

“I don’t know,” Lexa replies honestly, she does not know. She did not ask Anya when is she coming back she did not want to pressure her.

“Fine,” Raven spits out and leaves not believing her.

Just as Raven leaves Lexa’s phone chimes, it is Finn who is calling her to let her know that he is waiting in the parking lot for her. They are going to try their suits for the last time and probably get them.

**Octavia’s apartment; Living-room;**

During the whole week, Clarke did her best to finish every little detail of her wedding’s preparations. It was not easy but she managed to get everything on time thanks to Octavia and Jasper’s help as well as Costia’s friend for the cake and food.

Costia avoided her like plague and somehow Clarke got the message and stopped trying to meet her and advised her someone else to take care of the food she was about to prepare with her staff.

Clarke was busy, too busy to notice that she hasn’t seen Lexa for a week now and that she didn’t get to talk to her and thank her for all the things she is doing and paying for the wedding even if it was clearly for her brother but Clarke felt uncomfortable about it and needed to thank her in one way or another.

“Give me an idea O,” Clarke asks her best friend feeling mentally drained.

“I don’t know, paint her something else,” Octavia smirks, “She clearly liked it.” She raises her eyebrows and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“I don’t have neither the time nor the energy to do it. Think, what do we get for someone who has everything?” Clarke replies.

“Nothing,” Octavia jokes and Clarke looks at her seriously, “Ok, I’m sorry. I don’t know…you say it yourself she has everything so maybe opt for something not material worthy that’s why I suggested a painting.”

Clarke sighs, “I know but I’m too tired to paint, I should be relaxing to be beautiful for my wedding day.”

“Just tell her thank you over a good dinner or coffee,” Octavia shrugs.

“A letter!” Clarke exclaims, “I should write her a letter to say thank you for everything.” She smiles toothily at the idea knowing that Lexa loves letters.

“That’s nice,” Octavia agrees when Clarke’s phone rings.

She frowns at the caller id then her eyes widen, it is her mom.

“Hey, mom,” Clarke replies.

“Hi, Clarke,” Abby replies happily.

“Is everything alright? Please don’t tell me you can’t make it for the wedding,” Clarke panics, she needs to have her mother’s presence for her big day at least she would have a family member with her.

“Calm down Clarke, I’ll make it in fact I’m back at home in France and I just wanted to let you know that and also that I’ve got an offer, an interesting one for working aboard but just so you know there’s no pressure take all the time you need to think it through especially because you’re getting married,” Abby replies and Clarke is silent.

“Clarke, honey,” Abby tries to have her daughter’s attention back, “You don’t have to decide now I just wanted to tell you so you can discuss it with your husband. You’ll get an email tomorrow with all the details and offer. Think about it, don’t give up on your career that’s all I’m asking you.”

“Ok, mom thanks I’ll wait for the email and see,” Clarke’s only reply is.

The offer hits her hard because she got excited and happy deep down but then she realized that she cannot decide for herself, not fully. She made a choice and she must stick to it now. She made a choice to stop her career and follow Finn and now she has to stick to it. She said yes to Finn and now her life is tied to his.

She gets back home thoughtful, it really get to her mood the offer and thinking it through. She is barely managing to talk to Finn without starting a fight and now she has to expose this offer to light and try deal with it in her favor.

After Clarke’s departure, Octavia checked her phone and found few missed calls from Raven. She has been trying to avoid the brunette with lame excuses she wants to break up with her because even if she likes how she makes her feel and the way they seem to get along, she feels like she is being the reason two people that are maybe meant for one another to be together.

The day after Lexa’s birthday party, Octavia went to Raven’s work place to take lunch with her come clean. Tell her that she wants to break up but she found Raven sick worried about her best friend Anya and she couldn’t do it.

So instead of breaking up with her that day she kept her company and tried her best to calm her down. Raven didn’t shut up about Anya and how their friendship all began and how they always bickered with one another. She told Octavia how the dynamic of their friendship is and she misses it.

She misses her best friend’s bickering and now she feels like she is losing her. She even expressed her crazy thoughts about the fact that Anya might be seriously sick and she doesn’t want her to know. Despite, Lexa’s confirmation that their best friend Anya was ok and perfectly healthy the thought haunted Raven’s mind.

**************

**Finn’s apartment;**

When Finn and Lexa finished what they needed to do, Lexa asked Finn to drive her back to her office building but her brother refused he told her that she will be spending the rest of the day with him to catch up a little bit.

On their way to Finn’s apartment, Lexa finds herself wishing to not find Clarke home and keep on avoiding her so she can keep her resolution.

However, fate always seems to play games with Lexa and her resolutions to prove her that she cannot possibly control everything especially not something which is meant to be or is as unpredictable as fate.

Lexa gets into the apartment warily and could hear some music on, just what she was dreading Clarke is home.

“Claaaarke,” Finn calls for his fiancée while walking into the apartment then he looks back at Lexa and says, “Make yourself home, Lexa. I’ll take a quick shower and be back.”

Lexa nods and smiles at him nervously, how in the world will she be able to make herself home around Clarke? This is just what she absolutely _must not_ do. She walks to the living room and sits on the couch waiting for Finn to be back.

Clarke walks into the living-room wearing only a T-shirt and panties with her hair high in a messy bun. She freezes in her spot and her eyes widen looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

Lexa’s jaw drops this is not what she was expecting, Clarke sure is going to be the death of her. Each time she tries to avoid her, the opposite happens. Despite being as much surprised and weirded about the situation, she doesn’t look away.

It is nothing she hasn’t seen before but she can’t help her eyes roam Clarke’s body and then up to her face. She looks beautiful and the word dangerously itches between her lips. She wants to let them free but she can’t. Finn.

“Hi,” Clarke smiles nervously at Lexa her cheeks flushed. “Where’s Finn?” I thought I heard him..uh…how are you?” Clarke stutters.

Lexa’s cheeks are as much red as Clarke’s but she is smiling genuinely unlike Clarke who is nervous, she finds Clarke endearing especially now that her cheeks are flushed and she is stuttering, she looks even more beautiful.

Lexa bites her lips and Clarke doesn’t miss it, it only makes her further uncomfortable then Lexa manages to reply, “He is taking a shower and I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m…as you can see,” Clarke gestures down her body and adds, “a little bit stressed...the wedding’s preparations…you know.” She shrugs and scolds herself internally for giving Lexa another opportunity to study her body almost naked.

Lexa smiles and gives a nod, “You should take some time to relax and let others help you.”

Clarke smiles back at her. “Oh, right. I didn’t get to thank you about all what you’re doing…Thank you so much for everything including assigning Jasper. I really am grateful for his help,” Clarke says while walking to join Lexa on the couch.

Lexa’s heart was thumping so hard against her chest that she was barely able to hear what Clarke is saying. Then things got even worse when Clarke sit close, too much close to her. She could smell her perfume and stare at her blue eyes closely.

“This is the least you allowed us to help with, Clarke,” Lexa manages to say.

Clarke’s eyes squint looking deep into green eyes seriously then a little guilty smile makes her eyes soften. “It's already too much,” She replies then she traps Lexa’s hand in hers. “ _Merci infiniment pour tout_.” (Thank you so much for everything.)

Lexa’s heart explodes into her chest, having Clarke almost naked sitting so close to her eyes locked with her own green ones and her hand trapped between her soft hands is overwhelming. It sends a spark into her that lights up a fire in her guts.

However, it only lasts a second when Lexa starts freaking out even if she doesn’t show it. Her hands start to sweat and she feels uncomfortable as Clarke is looking at her, into her. She feels like she is doing something bad, really bad just by sitting next to her because all she can feel is attraction and her lower body coming awake to the blonde’s proximity.

She smiles nervously at Clarke and takes her hand back, she misses the way Clarke’s eyes flicker to her lips for a second as she licks them nervously and says, “ _Tu ne devrais pas me remercier. Je le fais pour Finn._ ” (You shouldn’t thank me. I’m doing it for Finn.)

Clarke give her a sweet smile making Lexa even more uncomfortable thinking that she mispronounced anything. “What? Did I say it wrong?” She asks despite knowing that she is right.

Clarke shakes her head. “It just feels nice…weird but definitely a nice weird,” Clarke says.

Lexa frowns not getting what Clarke is trying to say then Clarke explains, “It feels weird but nice to have you here…and hearing your French again after…so long it’s refreshing. It feels….” Clarke hesitates but then continues warily, “like the old days.”

Lexa’s heart melts, she wants to lean in and wrap Clarke her best friend in her arms. It is true now that Clarke is saying it, Lexa didn’t notice it she was focused on Clarke only and not her feelings.

Indeed, it feels nice to be here with Clarke alone and without having something to blame her. But she knows she can’t do it because Finn. Simply Finn. So instead of being true to herself and her feelings, Lexa choses to ignore them and put her mask on, “It is nothing like the old days, Clarke.”

She doesn’t dare to look into Clarke’s blue eyes she knows her words are harsh and stupid.

Clarke regrets instantly for what she just said and letting her hopes up. “Maybe not to you,” She replies and it breaks Lexa’s heart but she knows she can’t let herself there. She can’t do that to Finn.

She wants to apologize, she wants to cup Clarke’s face in her hands and kiss her lips that are now almost pouting, sad. Clarke doesn’t look at her and stands up to leave but Lexa doesn’t let her she jolts up right away and grabs her wrist.

Clarke looks back at Lexa and her breath hitches, she is few inches away from her lips and Lexa is looking at her in a way that only Lexa does and always makes Clarke’s knees go weak.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. Sit please,” Lexa says almost in a pleading tone.

Clarke looks into her green eyes and takes her hand away from Lexa’s grip. “Can’t we simply be nice with one another without…this…without you closing up,” Clarke says accusingly standing still and maintaining eye contact.

Lexa feels beaten, stupid, guilty, and tired. She is just afraid to lose control because she doesn’t know another way to be with Clarke but to be entirely hers and want her fully. Whenever she is around she wants to cuddle her, to tell her things she is not entitled to say, she feels things that she shouldn’t feel towards her sister in-law and she knows she can’t control herself.

In addition, she knows she is only going to suffer her loss again and relive the pain all over but at a greater scale because Clarke is marrying her brother and she will have to bear her presence in his arms and not hers. She would have to endure the sight of Clarke with someone else, with her brother. She will have to smile and be happy for them while her heart is tearing apart over and over again when they announce her that Clarke is pregnant.

Her heart tightens painfully in her chest and tears well in her eyes, “I’m sorry…it’s not the same for me because it brings the pain back.” Lexa gulps looking away she doesn’t want Clarke to see her tears.

Clarke feels a sting in her heart at her words, she didn’t mean to bring the bad memories to her but the opposite. She wanted to remind her how they used to be, how nice it was to have someone who loves you and care for you the way they did for one another.

Then, it hits her when Lexa left she was alone, she was back to square one back to a country where she has no one. In France she had Clarke but back to the USA she has no one and she had to live whatever she was feeling alone. Clarke had her parents, very affectionate parents and few friends who helped her forgetting a little bit but Lexa was alone.

Clarke closes the distance remaining between them and wraps her arms around Lexa’s shoulders who stiffens in her arms. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ Clarke says before she is interrupted by the gentle feeling of Lexa’s arms around her waist bringing her closer.

She feels Lexa breathing her in, her nose pressed against her neck and she smiles forgetting completely everything. She forgets the pain, the past and her present and soon to be future. She forgets all what push her away from Lexa at the feeling that is coiling down in her stomach. She doesn’t recognize the butterflies because she hasn’t felt them for a long time. She digs her fingers on Lexa’s back tightening her arms around her and whispers, “I missed you.”

Lexa feels a thud against her heart, it is so strong that it takes her breath away. She gasps and pushes her hands tightly against Clarke’s waist and one of her hands accidently meets the hem of Clarke’s T-shirt which is even shorter now because Clarke is almost standing on her toes to reach for Lexa’s shoulders.

She knows she shouldn’t even think about it but now in Clarke’s arms her brain is not functioning. Lexa slips her hand under Clarke’s shirt and caresses Clarke’s soft skin with her slender fingers.

The sweet caress sends shivers down Clarke’s spine, she closes her eyes instinctively and she doubts that she would be able to stand on her feet if she hadn’t her arms around Lexa’s shoulders to keep her from falling.

She suddenly want to look into Lexa’s eyes and slowly pulls back but Lexa doesn’t let her and keeps her few seconds longer into her embrace. Lexa wants to move her hand further on Clarke’s skin and feeling it against her palm and her fingers, she wants to cherish this moment and have it last the longest possible.

Clarke could feel her heart beating against her chest and she is sure that Lexa could feel it too. Her heart then stops when she feels Lexa’s lips deliberately caressing her neck as she is pulling slowly away.

“Lexa,” Clarke lets out her voice trembling. Just like a week ago Lexa is losing her control and it is strange to her to be the one in control and have to pop the bubble they are in. Lexa is usually the one who does it but not anymore.

Lexa feels like a child, angry to be separated from his security blanket, just as she must pull away from Clarke’s embrace. She pulls back and takes a deep breath from the reality’s air to regain her strength. She gives a weak smile to Clarke and apologizes, “I’m sorry I got carried away.”

Clarke smiles back at her knowingly, she doesn’t blame her but she wishes she would be the stronger one in control because it was the hardest thing for Clarke to do. “It’s ok,” She shrugs and Lexa shakes her head right away, “No, it's not.”

As much as the denial hurts, Clarke doesn’t blame her she knows Lexa is right and it is not ok. Not at all, they shouldn’t feel or be that way with one another. So instead, she just pulls her t-shirt down feeling a little bit exposed than earlier now that her body is not wrapped into Lexa’s arms.

“It's wrong….Finn-“ Lexa says but is interrupted by Finn’s footsteps. She takes a step back from Clarke and sits down on the couch while Clarke walks out to the living-room meeting Finn who places a kiss on her lips, “Hey there.”

“Hey, how was your day?” Finn asks her.

“Good, yours?” She replies even if her mind is elsewhere.

“Fantastic,” He says with a smile.

“Go, Alex is waiting for you,” She pecks his lips before walking to her bedroom.

She puts her shorts and goes back to the kitchen to cook dinner and on her way she sees Lexa sitting still on her spot as she left her and Finn at her side both beers in hands.

She smiles at Lexa when their eyes lock but the brunette looks away and it breaks Clarke’s heart. Now, she doubts about the possibility to be friends again. Not when Lexa makes her weak to the knees a second and the next one closes off.

**Anya’s apartment; Anya’s living room;**

Anya was sitting in her living-room enjoying her day off. There are no reason to keep hiding and avoiding the inevitable she is thinking about going back to work and to her best friends and live her life.

The few days alone thinking didn’t help much her troubled mind. She still doesn’t know how to get used to her new feelings for her best friend. The most she gathered is that all her bickering and constant fights was something else.

She felt a little bit weirded about coming to the fact that she likes a girl at her age, everyone around her came out at a younger and early age compared to her and she feels like with this tardive revelation she is going to struggle dating or experimenting anything with any woman.

Hell, she is not even sure if she is able to ask a girl out to go on dates and everything because she knows the only girl she wants is Raven. She sighs and focus back on her tv when she hears a knock on her door.

She frowns, she didn’t order anything and Lexa didn’t tell her that she is going to visit. She turns off her tv and walks to the door when the knocking goes on again. She takes a deep breath and opens it.

“Octavia,” Anya lets out confused. “How did yo-“ Before she can continue Octavia replies, “I’ve my ways, now can I come in?”

Anya nods taking a step back and gesturing for the brunette to come in. Anya doesn’t waist her time as soon as the click of the door is heard she looks at Octavia sternly and asks, “What do you want?”

Octavia looks back at her seriously and replies, “Talk about Raven.”

“Is she ok?” Any asks worried and Octavia holds herself from smiling, Anya is totally whipped.

“She's not. She keeps talking about you, she's my girlfriend and I don’t want to see her like this. I know she cares for you and I can tell you love her and yet you lie,” Octavia replies in one breath accusingly.

Just as Anya is about to say something Octavia interrupts, “Maybe I’m not in love with her but I care for her and she deserves better than this…than what you’re putting her through! She's worried about you, Anya. Sick worried and she feels guilty because she is not here for you for whatever you’re going through. I was about to break up with her because clearly you feel something for her but you left and she needed someone at her side and now I’m there while you should be the one with her.”

“I’m…it is not what-“ Anya tries to talk but Octavia interrupts her again. “Just one question and I leave,” Octavia raises her hand to silence Anya. “Do you love her?”

Anya’s jaw drops, the younger brunette clearly got everything right and she is only speaking the truth but still Anya finds it difficult to admit her feelings for Raven and especially to Octavia, a stranger.

“Are you or not?” Octavia insists feeling impatient while keeping eye contact with Anya.

Anya simply nods then Octavia turns back to leave but she is stopped by Anya’s grip on her wrist. “Don’t tell her,” She lets out.

Octavia looks at her intently. “I won’t but you should at least call her to let her know that you’re ok,” She says before leaving.

Anya doesn’t move for a long moment trying to gather what just happened. Octavia barging into her apartment unannounced and scolding her because she is hiding from everything. From her feelings and from Raven, something that she really needs to stop doing because clearly everyone is aware of what’s in her heart.

She feels stupid and moves back to her living-room and falls into her couch thoughtful about what she should do next. Telling Raven how she feels about her was out of question. She is too afraid to ruin their friendship because she is not sure about how she will take it to hear the words of denial from Raven.

She takes her phone and types a quick text to Lexa asking her if she can come to her place. Lexa is more than happy to comply and leave the same air Clarke is breathing. When she arrives, she finds Anya as utterly confused as Octavia left her about an hour ago. They order pizza and Anya tells her best friend about what happened.

“Well, even if I disagree with her way of intervening into someone’s life Octavia is right you gotta admit it Anya,” Lexa says softly looking into her best friend’s eyes.

“I know but….it is difficult, Lexa. People come out when they’re twelve or fifteen not thirty two,” Anya says shamefully.

“That’s bullshit Anya. You can come out even at ninety besides coming out is not the point, Raven is…your feelings for her,” Lexa replies.

“I know,” Anya sighs.

“Then tell her Octavia is going to break up with her she’ll be single and you can just ask her out on a date,” Lexa shrugs.

“It’s not that easy, Lexa,” Anya frowns.

“Yes, it is. Hey Raven do you wanna go out with me? On a date,” Lexa says.

“What if she says no?” Anya asks worried and Lexa shrugs. “I don’t know…you can’t know too…if you don’t ask so just do it,” Lexa insists again.

“I’ll try but not until Octavia is out of the picture,” Anya replies thoughtfully.

“Good decision but you need to act differently and prep…maybe flirt with her,” Lexa suggests feeling weird at saying that.

Anya laughs for the first time in days, “God! We sound like teenagers.”

“Yeah, exactly what I was thinking,” Lexa replies with a smile.

“What happens here stays here,” Anya looks seriously at her best friend.

“Of course, if she knows about it we’re not going to hear the end of it,” Lexa adds chuckling.

“Anyway, how is Costia?” Anya asks innocently and Lexa’s smile falls.

“Good…of what I’ve heard,” She replies hesitantly.

Anya looks confused and Lexa resumes, “We broke up.”

“Oh! That’s…unexpected,” Anya exclaims.

“No, it is….it was expected,” Lexa admits guiltily.

“What?” Anya asks in disbelief.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Lexa winces and Anya nods sympathetically.

How is Lexa going to tell her best friend about the reasons she broke up with Costia without being suspicious. Anya is already not fond of Clarke and she knew something was off with her and Lexa. She is even sure that Anya thinks that there is something between her best friend and that woman especially after the way she walked on them.

Even if she could manage to keep Clarke out of picture when telling her about the reasons of their break up, she knows Anya will somehow relate it to Clarke and Lexa is not ready to do that. She still hopes to keep Clarke a secret even if she is not anymore and she told Costia about her.

**Finn’s apartment; In the living-room;**

“So are you going out tonight?” Clarke asks Finn.

“Yeah, why?” He replies questioningly.

“Nothing, I just want to talk to you about something,” Clarke says warily.

“Can’t it wait?” Finn asks again looking into Clarke’s eyes who shifts nervously on the couch.

“It can wait…but I really wanna get it out of my head,” Clarke explains.

“Ok, then just tell me!” Finn demands seeing that his fiancée is really nervous.

Clarke takes a deep breath and tells him about her mother’s phone call. Finn keeps silent and it only makes her even more nervous but she really has no reason to feel that way.

“That’s all?” Finn asks unfazed.

“Yeah,” Clarke nods anxious.

“Clarke! I really don’t know why you’re so nervous about it….of course I’d come with you if you decide to take the job,” Finn replies.

“Really?” Clarke asks astonished.

“Yeah, you left your whole life to come home with me why would I refuse to do the same for you if you ever decide to go,” He explains making Clarke’s smile go wide.

“I love you,” Clarke says happily wrapping her arms around him.

“I love you too, wifey,” Finn replies after kissing her.

“Go out with me,” Finn says surprising Clarke.

“I can’t I’m married,” Clarke jokes.

“Who cares,” Finn winks at her.

“And what if my hubby sees us?” Clarke replies.

“Well, then let’s just skip right to the end and stay here, I’m sure your hubby won’t be home for a while,” Finn lets his hand wonder up to Clarke’s breast.

“Nah, I wanna go out and dance,” Clarke smiles at him and goes to get ready silently feeling happy but not fully. It feels wrong, wrong to take Finn again away from Lexa his family and his best friends.

In fact, Clarke remembers Lexa’s words ‘ _I wanted to give my brother something I could to make his wedding day as perfect as possible and also as a thank you for the woman that kept my brother safe and brought him back to me’_ And now Clarke is going to take him away somewhere dangerous not safe.

She remembers Lexa’s face when she told her ‘ _I failed him, I failed to protect him from father and he ended up in the Middle East risking his life’_ The words are still fresh in her memory.

For the first time, Clarke really doubts about her marriage with Finn and what their future will be like. She decides to have fun tonight and think about it the next day maybe she will find a solution. Maybe the offer is not that bad or not interesting at all.

**Later that evening…**

**At the Grounder’s**

Finn and Clarke goes out and gets some drinks, it helps Clarke relax and release all the tension and stress of her last days. They’re sitting at the bar when Finn sees Anya walking into the club and Lexa beside her.

“Hey, it is Alex and Anya,” Finn nods toward them for Clarke then adds, “Let’s go join them…they have VIP access.”

Clarke doesn’t know how she feels about joining the two women. Despite her last interaction with Anya she doesn’t feel comfortable about the idea to be with her and much less with Lexa around. As for Lexa, Clarke wants to be with her despite the awkward moment they shared this afternoon in her living-room.

“Come on,” She feels Finn’s hand tugging her in their way and her heart starts racing and she doesn’t know why, well she does somewhere deep in her mind but the alcohol is already taking its effect and pushing her sense back.

They join the two best friends in the VIP room and Clarke could tell there’s something different with Anya. Sure, she has the same piercing look and threatening posture she usually has but she seems dull. The way she greets Finn and her is not like usual and Clarke cannot help think about Octavia and Raven.

She knew Octavia tried to break up with Raven but she couldn’t because Raven was in a mess and she couldn’t do it in such circumstances. She knew Anya was not out of town as Raven thinks her to be because she saw her shopping in the groceries store and told Octavia about it so she is not really surprised to see her tonight. She just hope that her best friend will be out of the love triangle as soon as possible.

Not like it was one, as Octavia liked Raven but she wasn’t deep in love with her that’s why it was easy for her to take a step back from their new relationship. In addition, she didn’t want to be in a relationship that clearly was going to be a little bit dramatic with a lovesick Anya around.

Finn looks at Anya and the dress she was wearing and smiles, “Looking nice, Anya.”

“Thanks,” Anya simply replies. She dressed nice because Lexa asked her to, she wanted her to try and flirt with women or one woman if she could do it to help her get used to her new found tendency.

However, when she saw Finn and Clarke approaching them she looked at Lexa who just nod understanding that her best friend is telling her to abort the mission.

She would feel awkward doing it in front of Finn and Clarke, people who knew her and that may witness her making fool of herself. She was ok with Lexa seeing it but not for Finn and Clarke.

“You should take Alex with you to choose a dress next time, she might need your help,” Finn lets out jokingly.

Lexa looks at her brother then at Anya, wearing a dress wasn’t an issue for her she would do it anytime to joke around and remember the old days with her brother but now it is not the same it means something heavy, it means that Clarke, her Clarke being her brother’s forever is the reason she is about to get in a dress.

“Finn is right, Lexa. It is barely a week from the wedding you should start looking for a dress,” Anya replies taunting her best friend further.

Clarke looks at Lexa and her heart aches, clearly Lexa is not in the mood for jokes. “I’ll lend her one of my own. I’m sure she will rock it,” Clarke says and when Lexa looks at her she winks but the brunette looks away, “You’ll get your picture of me in a dress don’t worry. I always keep my word.”

Finn doesn’t miss the tone of Lexa’s reply and decides to let it go, he doesn’t want to keep pushing as it seems Lexa is not in the mood tonight.

Clarke takes few drinks listening to Finn and Anya talking but her mind was hurting. She couldn’t turn it off from worrying and thinking through her future decision and what she may cause by taking it.

She feels like suffocating and pushes the drink in her hand on the table beside her and leaves the VIP room. Lexa eyes her for the first time tonight. She kept avoiding to meet her eyes purposely.

She was blaming herself for losing control and showing how weak she is for Clarke and now is the not the time to be weak and worse expose her heart to another heart break.

Clarke walks to the dance floor and dances, it is the only thing she finds to keep her mind from too much thinking because even the booze didn’t help in addition to Lexa’s presence. It only made it worse for her.

After few minutes, Anya looks at Finn and says, “You should go dance with your woman.”

Finn looks at the dancefloor from above and sees a man dancing too close to Clarke and he was gesturing for his friends towards Clarke.

Lexa looks down and sees the action as the same time as Finn, she grits her teeth feeling the need to go on the dance floor and punch the guy straight in the balls but then refrains. She knows it is not her place to be jealous.

Finn leaves and pushes the guy away from his fiancée, the guy walks away disappointed and Lexa feels better but then instead of coming back the couple starts dancing.

Clarke asks Finn to dance with her when he says that she shouldn’t dance so provocatively like that alone and when he is not around so he stays.

Lexa feels her heart aching, Anya is talking but she cannot really hear her she is focused on what’s happening on the dance floor. She can’t even tear her eyes away as much as she needs to do it and as much as she wants it.

She feels tears welling in her eyes at the way Finn’s hands traces Clarke’s sides sensually. Her throat tightens like someone is strangling her when Finn places few kisses on her neck just where her lips where this afternoon, just what she cannot do and have.

_  
Lexa walks out of the VIP room leaving Anya alone and heads straight to the dance floor. She pushes Finn away and looks at Clarke with a smile._

_Clarke’s blue eyes meet hers and suddenly all the pain she is feeling disappears. Clarke smiles back at her and leans in pushing her lips against hers delicately._

_Lexa’s breath hitches, she pulls back a little and looks at Clarke’s blue eyes who are staring at her with love. Then she decides to claim Clarke’s lips in a searing kiss pouring all her emotions and feelings before leaning back again and looking into blue, “I lo-“_

Lexa stops her wondering mind and lets out, “I gotta go.” Leaving without giving Anya the opportunity to say anything. She couldn’t handle the sight, it was too much. She could handle knowing Clarke is with Finn but not seeing it.

She goes home and the first thing she does is to grab a bottle of whiskey and heads to her office. She takes from her desk the picture of her and Clarke, the only one she has and stares at it while her she cries her pain.

She takes a paper and starts writing subconsciously, letting her hand obey to her heat which was dictating every single word. She is writing because she knows she can’t share her pain with someone else but a paper which she can always burn or toss later.

************************

****

**_Chère Clarke;_ **

_Dear Clarke;_

****

**_Il a le droit de poser ses mains sur ton corps_ **

He hast the right to lay his hands on your body

  
**_Il a le droit de respirer ton odeur_ **

He has the right to breathe your smell

  
**_Il a même droit aux regards qui le rendent plus fort_ **

He is even entitled to the looks that make him stronger

 _  
_**_Mets-moi la chaleur de ta voix dans le cœur_ **

Put the warmth of your voice in my heart

**_Et ça fait mal, crois moi, une lame enfoncée loin dans mon âme_ **

And it hurts, believe me, a blade buried deep in my soul

  
 **Regarde en toi, même pas l'ombre d'une larme** **  
**Look at you, not even the shadow of a tear

**_Et je saigne encore, je souris à la mort_ **

And I bleed again, I smile at death

 _  
_**_Tout ce rouge sur mon corps_ **

All this red on my body

 _  
_**_Je te blesse dans un dernier effort_ **

I hurt you in a last effort

**_Il aime caresser ton visage quand tu t'endors_ **

He likes to caress your face when you are asleep

 _  
_**Et toi tu te permets de dire encore encore**

And you dare to say again again

**_Je sais que ce qui ne tue pas nous rend plus fort_ **

I know that what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger

  
**_Mais moi, mais moi je suis déjà mort_ **

But me, I am already dead

************************

Lexa puts the pen on her desk, leans back on her chair and looks at the letter in front of her. She wants Clarke to know, she wants her to know now and more than ever but even if she is tipsy and almost drunk she knows it would be wrong to do that now, a week from the wedding.

She wipes her tears and takes the letter in her hands and reads it with a broken voice as tears start flowing down her cheeks. She is living her broken heart all over again but with a higher level of pain.

Lexa takes the letter and smiles sadly at it. She lets out a choked sob everything is a mess and out of control as much as she tries to keep things straight and under control, it never works not when Clarke is in the picture. It seems like destiny, fate or whatever interventionist God she doesn’t believe in is playing games with her heart.

She doesn’t know how she is going to do that, to keep pretending and silencing the loud thumping of her heart against her chest. The more she tries to ignore it the harder it beats to make itself known. She folds the letter in two and opens her top drawer, takes an envelope and puts it in before sealing it and keeping it secured in her drawer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The letter is the lyrics of a song by KYO a French group ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0oSP0g6Bs ), I felt like the lyrics translated what Lexa was feeling when seeing Clarke with Finn.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quote about desire is from Grey's anatomy.

**_"_ ** _Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life._

_But as tough as wanting something can be… the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want. **”**_

**6 Days to the wedding**   
**Lexa’s office building; Conference room;**

Anya gets into the conference room and sits in her usual spot just at Lexa’s right while Raven is facing her at Lexa’s left. She simply greets the whole conference room politely without sparing a look to Raven unlike usual.

She can feel Raven’s eyes staring daggers at her during the whole meeting, she could also see her from the corner of her eyes shifting uncomfortably every once in a while but she didn’t want to meet her eyes because she was afraid of what she might see.

She knows Raven must be mad at her because even if Octavia threatened her and told her to call her best friend to let her know that she is ok, she didn’t. She also ignored her texts and replied to any of them without mentioning the numerous calls she deliberately ignored.

It is stupid, Anya knows but she was not ready to talk to Raven nor text her and she couldn’t help herself staring at her phone and ignoring the calls and texts.

At the end of the meeting, Anya had to leave earlier than the others for a phone call and to start catching up with the paperwork that pilled on her desk due to her week off.

Few minutes after her phone call, a raging Raven storms into her office without even knocking, “What the hell did I do to you?” Raven looks hurt and angry.

“Hello, Raven,” Anya replies keeping her bitch face on while hurrying to the door of her office and closes it along with the office shutters.

“Hello? Are you fucking kidding me!” Raven retorts even more angrily.

“Well yeah since I haven’t seen you in a week the least you can do is say Hi, how was your wee-” Anya replies calmly.

Raven chuckles angrily interrupting Anya, “You don’t even have the decency to let me know that you’re leaving, nor the decency to reply to one of my texts and you expect me to say Hi An, how was your week off?”

“I didn’t have my phone with me all the time”.

“Why are you lying to me, Anya?” Raven replies and Anya’s eyes widen.

“I’m not, and why are you freaking out like that anyway?” Anya asks.

“Why? Because you’re my best friend and you disappear…everyone knew that you were leaving and where the hell you were but me…Ah right and you also stopped talking to me as if I’m no one, whereas everyone else could reach you but me” Raven explains “How isn’t it suspicious Anya, tell me?” Raven demands.

Anya wants to tell Raven to shut up, she feels the urge to smash her lips against hers to silence her and give her an answer but she is afraid that Raven will push her. She doesn’t know if she can handle it. In addition, she doesn’t want to risk losing Raven’s friendship and make things awkward by confessing her love for her.

Raven is waiting for her to say anything, anything that can explain her behavior and ease her nerves but Anya is just staring back at her silently with her bitch face she usually gives to strangers to intimidate them. It doesn’t work on Raven it only spurs her anger further.

She looks sorely at her best friend or friend or whatever they are now, she doesn’t even know if they still are friends because Anya sure is not treating her like one. Anya could see the pain in Raven’s eyes but she was frozen there in her place she couldn’t help the words to come out of her mouth.

Raven decides to leave and just as she opens Anya’s office door she sees Lexa coming to her direction. “Hey,” Lexa says warily seeing the face her best friend is doing and she doesn’t miss that the office shutters were closed.

“Fuck you too,” Raven spits out and Lexa’s eyes widen. She gets into Anya’s office and closes the door behind her. “I see that you didn’t tell her,” Lexa says.

Anya shakes her head then pinches the bridge of her nose, “No.” Is all she could manage to say. She walks to her chair and sits looking blankly at the door.

“Why didn’t you tell her?” Lexa asks and Anya sighs, “I just couldn’t”.

Lexa knows, she knows too well the pain Anya must be feeling when seeing the person she loves with someone else. She, herself is barely sober enough today from the previous’ night event. Seeing Finn touching Clarke was the most painful thing she ever had to witness.

Yet, she couldn’t gather enough courage and stop him, let Clarke know how she feels about her, let Finn know that Clarke ~~might be~~ , is the love of her life. Her heart aches for Anya because maybe she is not suffering as much as she is but the pain is very similar.

She walks to Anya and pulls her in her arms for a comforting hug, they both need it. She wishes she had someone who knew everything about her and can comfort her to ease her pain and solitude.

**Finn’s apartment; In the bedroom;**

Clarke wakes up tired and with a little hangover, she stretches herself cautiously making sure to not wake Finn in the process. They had a very busy night between the dance floor and the bar, and she knows he is probably going to wake up hangover as well.

She gets out of the bed and the first thing she does is checking her emails because she was expecting the email her mother told her about and she was excited about it.

Unfortunately, she finds nothing yet which means that she has to wait much longer. She takes her mac with her to the kitchen and makes breakfast while refreshing the page every five minutes when Finn walks into the kitchen.

“Morning,” Finn barely whispers.

“Hey,” Clarke looks at him with a smile, his hair was messy and his eyes almost closed. He pours himself a cup of coffee and leans on Clarke’s shoulder behind her looking at the screen. “No email yet?” He asks.

“No,” Clarke huffs.

“Staring at the screen is not gonna make it appear babe,” He says gently before pecking her cheek and sits next to her.

“I…I know but this email is very important to me,” Clarke whines looking at her fiancé.

“I know,” Finn replies, “But you know I’ll support whatever decision you take so just relax.”

Clarke frowns looking intently at him. “It may be easy for you to say it now but once we’re moving to the middle of nowhere, it is going to be something else,” Clarke warns.

Finn huffs annoyed, “I don’t get it why you’re hesitating Clarke!”

“Because I don’t want to take you away from Lexa again”.

“What? You’re not taking me away from Alex. She’s my sister,” He shrugs. “And no one can ever break that bond and surely not you by taking a job somewhere else in the world,” Finn explains.

“I don’t want you to leave her,” Clarke blurts out.

“Come here,” Finn puts his coffee cup on the table and taps on his lap gesturing for her to sit. Clarke takes her mac first and puts it on the table closer to Finn before sitting on his lap.

He chuckles seeing that she didn’t forget to bring the mac with her as well, “Listen, Clarke. You’re my wife, you’re taking the job and that’s it.” He tries to kiss her but Clarke pushes her hand on his chest and leans her head back.

“Wait babe,” She interrupts, “I don’t want to be the bad guy.”

“Who says you’re the bad guy in this?” He asks confused.

“I do, anyone with vision can see it…I’ll be taking you away from her…and you’re all she has,” She replies, voice full of pain.

“And you’re all I have and I’m all you have besides your mom,” He interjects. “I hope so at least,” He jokes then continues, “We’re getting married and it is for life so I’ll be there for you, whatever life throws at us.”

“I know,” Clarke huffs with a dull smile not sure why he keeps using references about their future life so much. Is it normal or is it just her who gets weirded about it? She doesn’t know but she can’t help feeling that his words are getting heavier and heavier as the wedding gets close.

“Why do you care so much about her? The last time I checked you two hated each other.”

“I..uh…” She stutters and she wants to tell him the truth but she can’t. “I don’t know,” She simply replies avoiding to meet his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell her tonight at my bachelor party,” Finn reassures her.

“Thanks,” She replies honestly. Just as he is about to kiss her a ringtone signals a new email and he huffs.

Clarke pushes herself from his lap takes her mac and sits on her chair, eyes focused on the screen meanwhile Finn is looking thoughtfully at her. He completely forgot about the envelope Gustus left him.

He makes a note to himself to ask Lexa to hand it to him just after the wedding. Before he leaves for his honeymoon, or maybe Clarke’s new job depending on when the contract will begin.

**Lexa’s mansion; Living room**

Lexa was not really fond of the idea to throw a bachelor party in her mansion, well not only in her home but at all. She doesn’t see why someone who is willing to marry and be with one partner for his whole life needs to perve on some random strippers.

However, Finn was more than excited for it so she complied. Finn doesn’t really have male friends except for Bellamy. He also befriended Jasper and Monty during his regular visits at the Woods Corp office buildings. So instead of the regular only guys drooling over the strippers there was Raven and Anya with them.

Before even the party started, Finn and Jasper got tipsy. The tension was palpable between Anya and Raven even Finn could notice it and he wasn’t going to let his stupid best friends ruin his bachelor party.

The more Raven tried to hide her crappy mood the more it was obvious because usually she is a very loud and bubbly person. Especially in such events and when being around her favorite persons in the world, her best friends. But today is different, today she is moody and silent.

Finn walks to Raven and hands her a drink, “Here, it may relax you”.

“Thanks,” Raven takes it and smiles weakly at him.

“You're boring tonight, what’s going on?” Finn asks and Lexa sighs, remembering that drunk Finn is stupid Finn. She hopes he won’t push things too far and the party turns into drama.

“Raven!” She interrupts saving her best friend from her brother. “Could you please check on the strippers? It’s getting late!”

Raven doesn’t say anything, she just takes her phone and makes the call while Lexa goes to her brother trying to keep him busy and far enough from Anya and Raven the whole night.

The night started pretty slow until the strippers came in and things started to get out of hand. Anya was starring daggers at Raven because she was jealous of one of the strippers who was flirting with her.

Exceptionally, Raven didn’t give much attention to the woman flirting with her. She was not in the mood, she was hurting. All she sees is Anya talking and smiling with Lexa and even with Monty while she used to scare the hell out of him. She was hurt and jealous, one of the strippers was getting too handsy with Anya and she didn’t like it.

When her eyes lock with Anya’s she gets confused unlike what she should find angry eyes looking at her mirroring her own feelings, she sees tenderness and something else, something softer much softer than what Anya can give.

She hesitates for a moment to go and speak with her, thinking that maybe Anya regrets. Maybe she was too harsh on her but then she puts a smile on her face and decides to join them.

“Hey,” Raven lets out and Lexa widens her eyes comically surprised that Raven finally acknowledged them.

“I’m sorry,” She adds looking guiltily at Lexa, “that I snapped at you this morning.”

“It’s fine, Raven,” Lexa smiles looking at Raven intently while Anya shifts in the couch uncomfortably, she is about to stand up and leave when Raven holds her wrist.

“Anya,” Raven says softly and the blonde’s heart jumps. She is used to Raven’s touch they have been best friends for years now but somehow Raven’s touch feels different for Anya even if it is just a grasp of a hand.

Lexa looks at Monty and they both leave the couch and join Bellamy leaving the two best friends alone to deal with their tension.

Anya sits back and so does Raven next to her but they both remain silent until Anya finally manages to speak, “I’m sorry Raven.” Raven looks into her eyes intently and nods.

“I should apologize too for snapping at you,” Raven replies. “But I was really angry, hurt, worried I thought you’re dying,” She lets out a broken chuckle and Anya’s heart warms.

“I didn’t mean to worry you…I just needed some time,” Anya hardly explains through the sound of the music and Raven frowns. “You could have just told me, I’d be here for you for whatever you’re going through,” Raven says then chuckles, “Fuck, I sound sappy but it is true…you’re my best friend.” They both chuckle.

“I needed some time alone,” Anya explains.

“I get it, ok,” Raven replies, “But I could have been there for you. Sometimes loneliness makes things worse.”

“So, are we ok?” Anya asks and Raven rolls her eyes, “Of course we’re but don’t expect me to hug and kiss you.” Anya’s heart thuds against her chest, she wishes she would.

This is all she wants, her hands itch. She wants to lean and hug her best friend, she missed her a lot but the thing is that her and Raven have never been demonstrative towards one another.

Of course, they were best friends and they cared for one another but they never were affectionate towards each other, it was their dynamic and the only time they hugged was on special occasions.

“Don’t worry, I’m not dying yet to ask for a hug from you,” Anya deadpans hoping it will be enough to hide her feelings.

Raven chuckles, “Come on, let’s join the others.”

On the other side of the room, Finn was being ‘drunk Finn’ and the stripper started feeling a little bit uncomfortable as the more she tried to ignore Finn’s unnecessary touches, the more he insisted and Lexa was trying to make him stop but to no avail.

Anya caught on it and hurried to the side of her best friend. “Is everything ok?” She asks in a whisper.

“No, it’s getting out of hand and you know Finn when he’s drunk,” Lexa replies.

“You should take him home, Lexa,” Anya advises and Lexa’s heart stops. She doesn’t want to see Clarke, not so soon. She is not ready to face her demons yet.

“Finn, you really need to stop this,” Lexa murmurs in his ear.

“Why?” He asks bluntly.

“Because you’re getting married to Clarke, Finn and she is worth your fedility,” Lexa states the obvious but she is not expecting Finn’s reply, “Get her, she is yours.”

Lexa is taken aback by Finn’s reply even if she knows he is drunk but then Finn only make it worse, “She is yours…if you want…she cares for you as much as you care for her.” Lexa looks at Anya who was looking back at her with _‘I told you so’_ look.

“Finn, let’s get you home, come on, you’re not making any sense,” Lexa tries to make her brother stand so she can take him home.

“I saw the way you drool at her breasts, don’t think I didn’t notice,” Finn says mockingly.

“Finn!” Lexa lets out in a warning tone, “Let’s get you home!”

After managing to put Finn in her car, Lexa walks to the driver side and hops in when Finn starts talking again.

“Alex! Do you know what the hell is in the envelope Gustus left me?” Finn asks drunkenly.

“No, I don’t know,” Lexa replies.

“Then maybe you know that we’re leaving after the wedding,” Finn adds.

Lexa looks at her brother then back at the road, “No, I don’t.”

Few minutes later, Lexa is standing outside the apartment Finn leaning on her shoulder and she hardly manages to knock on the door.

Clarke opens the door and frowns she wasn’t expecting to see Finn back so early and much less Lexa with him. She doesn’t say anything, she helps Lexa get Finn to the bedroom and force him out of his clothes to put him to bed.

When they go back to the living room Clarke wants to talk to her but the brunette is impatient to leave.

“I’ve to leave, Clarke,” Lexa replies coldly.

Clarke ignores Lexa’s words and insists. “We need to talk, Lexa,” she says then adds warily, “We almost…kissed the other day. The least we can do is talk about it befor-“

“Before the wedding? Or before you leave?” Lexa lets out harshly. She was too tired for this right now.

Clarke looks flabbergasted at her, how does she know that she might be leaving? Finn of course, she takes a deep breath to calm her nerves and nods. “Before the wedding,” Clarke replies fidgeting with the hem of her T-shirt.

Lexa feels angry and looks back into blue eyes but they won’t meet her, “When were you planning to tell me that you’re taking Finn again, away from home?”

“I…I’m not,” Clarke stutters. “We’re not leaving. I’m not taking the job.” Clarke shakes her head.

“Ok, then I’ve nothing to talk about since you’re marrying Finn,” Lexa replies with an accusing tone, Clarke looks up at her and now Lexa is the one who avoids to look at her knowing that if she does she will lose the strength keeping her sane.

Clarke is hurt, she doesn’t know what takes her when she grabs Lexa’s wrist and tugs her closer to get her attention, she wants Lexa’s eyes on hers.

Lexa finally looks into blue and Clarke feels her heart breaking at what she sees in them, she could see the pain the anger. And now, the beautiful forest green is blurred by tears.

“You wanna talk, then talk! What do you have to say Clarke?” Lexa manages to keep her voice flat and her tears in. She remembers what Finn told her barely an hour ago and decides to keep her mask on.

Clarke looks at her, speechless for a moment then gathers her strength and replies, “You almost kissed me, Lexa. I think you have something to tell me.”

“Well, I don’t,” Lexa answers, she cannot deny the fact that she almost kissed her, it was obvious and now she can’t talk about it because she knows it will only makes things worse for her and only her since Clarke is still marrying Finn.

Clarke looks angry and tired of Lexa’s behavior, “Are we really doing this? I thought we are finally getting somewhere...to be civil with one another and may be....be friends again”.

“I don’t think we could ever be friends again, Clarke,” Lexa replies painfully feeling the heaviness of her own words tearing her heart in tiny pieces.

Clarke looks at Lexa her eyes now shiny with tears, her lips part ready to say something but then she closes them. She doesn’t know what to say to what she just heard. Why would they never be friends again? Maybe they can’t be back like the old days, best friends and girlfriends but the least they can be is friends.

All she can manage is to breath out a “Why?” Which hits Lexa hard, she knows the ~~reason~~ the reasons. She wants to reply to tell her the truth ‘ _Because I love you, because all I want to do is kiss you now and forever, because I hate you for choosing Finn and not me because all I want is you…’_ But she can’t, she can’t break Finn’s heart selfishly so instead she rushes to the door and leaves the apartment.

Clarke huffs frustratingly and the tears in her blue eyes break free, each time they get close and she tries to talk to Lexa the brunette disappears or simply shuts down. How is she going to do tomorrow when she has to be with Lexa and check on the wedding decorations?

She doesn’t even know how things are going to be after the wedding whenever they would meet for any family gatherings, will Lexa keep on ignoring her. Will she even stop caring about Lexa?

**5 Days to the wedding**

**Lexa’s mansion;**

Much to her dismay, Lexa finds herself busy with the wedding. She is going to host the wedding in her properties and gardens which means all the extra rooms should be ready for the bride and her guests.

She chooses the room which has a beautiful view on the gardens where the wedding will take place for Clarke, the bride and orders Titus to bring everything that the bride might need in this room and buy some extra furniture as a mirror and a boudoir.

Then she goes to the gardens with Titus to see the final result of the decoration meanwhile she points out few things she wants to be done correctly.

“Miss Woods, why are you doing this?” Titus asks look straight at the horizon not meeting Lexa’s eyes like he always do when he wants to say something that she might not like to hear.

“I’m doing this for my brother, Titus,” Lexa replies as seriously as she was asked.

“You mean well Miss woods but now is not the time for hosting parties, you focus should be only on your companies,” Titus advises her.

Lexa turns to look at the old man who has been like a father for her, exactly like Gustus was but in less harsher way. He always had her back and helped her through maintaining her father’s wealth and companies safe from anyone.

“Why are you doing this?” The old man asks again, “None asked for this, neither Finn nor his future wife.”

Lexa looks intently at him then back at the horizon and resumes her path. “I know but it is important for me to give him this,” She gestures around her.

“She won’t even see you, yet everything you do is for her…why?” Titus stops tiptoeing around and looks at her defiantly.

Lexa feels her heart thumping hard against her chest, how in the world did Titus know that now she is doing this for Clarke and not Finn? She looks back at him then feels disarmed, “She's special.”

“Miss Woods, you should never let the past consume and tame your future. Think about all the great things you can accomplish if you focus on the right things for you and think about all the harm you will cause and the loss you’ll suffer if ever you listen to your heart,” Titus says and before she can say anything he adds, “Costia is here.”

Lexa looks at him gratefully, knowing that all he wants for her is to do the right thing and protect her as he vowed he would to her father then turns back and sees Costia walking in their direction with a man in a uniform.

“Hello!” Costia greets both Lexa and Titus, the old man greets her back before leaving them alone.

“Hi,” Lexa replies with a weak smile. She missed Costia, she missed her presence and her friendship.

“How are you?” She asks genuinely.

Costia shrugs, “Feeling better.” She smiles weakly back at her, “You?”

“I’m fine,” Lexa replies flatly and Costia raises her eyebrows, “You’re not.” Lexa looks away knowing that Costia can read her well just by looking into her eyes. She keeps silent because it is useless to lie.

“I’m sorry Lexa but it is obvious,” Costia comments and Lexa nods and the redhead continues explaining the reason of her presence, “I came to take few things…everything if possible.”

“Will you be at the wedding?” Lexa blurts out.

“I…Yes,” Costia nods reassuringly. Actually, she wasn’t going to come because she still feels betrayed both by Lexa and Clarke. And seeing Clarke who is the reason her and Lexa broke up, getting married was just stupid and she knows she wouldn’t be able to interfere.

But now, at the way Lexa looks pleadingly at her she knows she will need her. She will need her friends and especially her since she is the only who knows about their secret.

“Great, I’ll see you at the wedding then,” Lexa lets out with a more convincing smile to her Costia who smiles back at her, “Of course.” And turns to walk into the mansion when she hears Lexa again, “Wait!”

Costia looks back at her, “Yeah?” Lexa takes a deep breath and says, “I missed you, missed my best friend.”

Costia’s heart aches, “I missed you too.” She missed her girlfriend, she missed kissing her she missed being around her and she missed feeling her like a lover and not as as a friend.

When Costia walks into Lexa’s mansion she finds an unexpected and unwelcomed surprise, Clarke. Clarke came to check on the wedding’s decorations and try and talk to Lexa again if possible.

“Oh, hey,” Clarke lets out before taking Costia in a friendly hug. The redhead stiffens in her arms, not happy to have to deal with Clarke on top of Lexa in the same day.

When Clarke pulls back and looks at her, Costia flashes her a fake smile and greets her back.

“Long time no see,” Clarke comments. “I missed hanging out with you and get to taste the best dishes in town,” She says friendly.

Costia’s heart warms despite everything. “Me too,” She confesses with a morose tone.

“Is everything ok?” Clarke asks politely.

“Me and Lexa broke up,” Costia shrugs as if it was nothing too dramatic but Clarke could see her pain. The redhead wants to be honest and for now all she can do is let Clarke know that Lexa is available, maybe she will stop being so stupid and stubborn carrying the wedding.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke replies quickly then frowns. “How are you feeling?” She asks again with concern.

“I’m fine,” She replies stoically. “You should ask Lexa how she is doing,” Costia says before excusing herself and walking further to Lexa’s bedroom to pick her clothes.

Clarke looks confused at Costia’s words, she thinks about following her and ask her why but then refrains when hearing footsteps behind her.

“Miss Griffin, would you please follow me,” Titus asks her politely and Clarke complies. He takes Clarke to the bedroom Lexa assigned for her, she notices the view she has from there and smiles. It gives to the gardens where now she can see Lexa walking.

She could hear Titus talking of something about the furniture that will be brought and installed later but she was too focused on admiring the view. She is brought back from her thoughts by the arrival of another silhouette into the view, Costia’s.

She nods at him as if she got everything he told her and heads outside towards the two ex-girlfriends who were walking now side to side and their backs to her.

**********

“So you’re leaving,” Lexa exclaims.

“Yeah,” Costia lets out softly then asks, “What about you?”

Lexa frowns confused. “What?” She asks back.

“What are you planning to do after the wedding?” Costia reformulates her question.

“I don’t know Cos. Maybe travel sometime,” Lexa shrugs replying honestly.

“Tell her before it’s too late, Lexa. At least one of us gets something from this…this break up and it won’t be in vain,” Costia says pain apparent in her voice.

Lexa can’t say anything to her, she wants to apologize but she knows it is useless. Costia’s heart is broken and it’s too late. Before she can say anything they are interrupted by Clarke’s footsteps getting close.

Costia looks at Lexa in the eyes. “Tell her, Lexa,” She says again and leaves.

“Tell me what?” Clarke asks looking back at Lexa.

“Nothing,” Lexa simply replies.

“What’s your problem, what did I do wrong this time?” She asks feeling frustrated at the way Lexa is acting.

Lexa wants to say something, anything, hell everything but refrains. Finn.

Clarke feels hurt at the way Lexa keeps playing with her at push and pull, Lexa won’t even talk to her again and completely ignores her by walking back towards the mansion.

“Is that it? We’re back to ignoring one another?” Clarke lets out loudly her voice full of anger making Lexa stop at her tracks.

She looks back at her and says, “Clarke, there’s no point in arguing anymore.”

“Exactly, then why are you acting like that?” Clarke pushes.

“Because I can’t be your friend,” Lexa says in a cold and calm voice again just like the previous day and Clarke loses the little of control she had left on her, “Why?” She blocks Lexa’s way by stepping into her personal space.

Lexa grits her teeth and says, “Because…I want…something else.” Lexa could feel the tears welling in her green eyes.

Clarke stares at the green eyes and it takes her a moment to let Lexa’s words sink in. She frowns confused like Lexa’s words don’t make sense even if she knows deep down that they do.

Lexa looks painfully at Clarke’s eyes begging her to understand to feel her pain to read her eyes like she used to do when they were younger but it seems like this Clarke is not the Clarke she knew, “What do you mean?”

Lexa doesn’t need to answer she looks down at Clarke’s lips then back into her blue eyes and hopes that it is enough. Clarke feels her heart thudding at her chest so hard that it takes her breath away.

She feels like she is suffocating but she is not, she just forgets how to breathe staring bluntly at green eyes, just as the first time she noticed Lexa’s beautiful green eyes surrounded by a garden full of flowers while now they are in Lexa’s gardens the one she promised her back then.

Lexa feels her tears on the verge of falling so she walks away leaving Clarke zoned out in the middle of _~~their spot~~_ , in the middle of her gardens. When Clarke finally goes back to her senses, Lexa is long gone and Clarke gets her message she is not going to get anything like a fruitful conversation with her.

**Later that day…**

All Lexa wants to do is leave everything because nothing makes sense anymore, she want to be away and not be part of this madness. She doesn’t want to be part of the bachelorette party for Clarke but she cannot simply decide to not go because it will only make things even more suspicious.

All she wants to do is tell everyone about who Clarke is really, and what she is for her but it is too late and she chose to lie and hide. It was her decision and now she has to suffer the consequences of her stubbornness.

She doesn’t know what she is going to do after the wedding especially with Clarke and Finn staying, it means that she will have to endure them together.

In one hand, she wants them gone at least she wouldn’t have to witness everything she wants to have being taken by the only person against whom she can’t fight.

And in the other hand, she can’t imagine not seeing Clarke again and live her life as if nothing ever happened, live like Clarke was never back in her life.

“Who said that Clarke is straight?” Octavia says bringing Lexa back from her thoughts and all she can feel is Anya’s eyes on her.

“So both a male and female stripper,” Raven shrugs. “This would be interesting,” She adds with a smirk.

“Whatever, not here,” Lexa says firmly.

Raven burst in laughter remember Finn’s bachelor party and how things got messy and Lexa had to be the one to drive him back home, “Don’t worry, it will be at the Grounders.”

“Good,” Lexa says before walking to the bar and pours herself a drink. She is jealous, she is not really happy about the idea to see someone else again shoving his ass, or her ass up Clarke’s face. She has enough with Finn dancing with her the other night at the club.

Raven soon follows Lexa at the bar, leaving an open opportunity for Octavia to chitchat with Anya.

“Did you tell her?” Octavia asks Anya her eyes on Raven.

“Mind your own business, you’re still together or you want a threesome?” Anya deadpans making Octavia look at her in disbelief, “What?” Octavia frowns angrily and adds, “Tell her or I will."

Anya ignores her and stands up from the couch to join her two best friends at the bar while Octavia is fuming, she wants Anya to be the one to tell Raven about her feelings which will make it easier for her to break up with the brunette.

Seeing that her girlfriend is alone on the couch, Raven goes back to sit with her and before she do she leans in to give her girlfriend a peck on the lips but Octavia pulls away.

“We need to talk,” Octavia lets out seriously.

“Oh, ok! Do you wanna leave now?” Raven asks her girlfriend concerned.

“No, we’ll talk when we’re back at my place,” Octavia simply replies avoiding to meet Raven’s eyes who somehow knows she is acting distant.

Raven kept a close eye on her girlfriend during the whole evening trying to figure out what could have changed so quickly for Octavia to behave like that but cannot find out until she drives her back to her apartment.

Octavia invites her for a last drink and to end their relationship which she sees is going nowhere, not only for Anya’s sake but for the main reason that she didn’t feel like they clicked at all. The sex was great but nothing more, she could see Raven as her friend but nothing more.

When Octavia starts talking about breaking up now better than later, Raven feels offended somehow. She doesn’t understand why? Everything was fine and they were even compatible in bed. Yet, Octavia is here telling her that they stick to be friends.

“Why?” Raven asks sternly.

“It’s just not working, Raven,” Octavia explains again.

“Bullshit, I didn’t hear you complaining yesterday. Why this sudden change?” Raven insists.

“I’m sorry, I just came to the conclusion that we’re not made for one another,” Octavia replies shamefully, feeling bad at breaking up with Raven. She grew fond of her and she doesn’t like the way she is ending things with her but she knows it is the only way to do it since Anya is too damn coward to tell her how she feels.

“Conclusion based on what? How do you know we’re barely getting to know each other, Octavia,” Raven protests.

The younger brunette huffs feeling tired. “I know because there’s someone else,” She lets out.

“What? Who?” Raven asks thinking that Octavia is playing her or cheating on her. She frowns, “I know we’re not …we didn’t talk that we’re exclusive but are you telling me that you’re cheating on me?” Raven asks in disbelief.

“What? No, Raven. I could never do that,” Octavia replies.

“Then what?” Raven asks defiantly.

“Anya,” Octavia lets out in a low voice, she didn’t want to interfere and let Raven know that her best friend loves her, it is not her place to let her know but Anya left her no choice and Raven keeps on insisting.

Raven looks shocked, she can’t believe what she is hearing, “You like Anya? It’s…wow!”

“Fuck! Hell no,” Octavia denies hastily. “God, you’re clueless,” She adds in disbelief.

Raven looks dumbfounded at her. “What do you mean?”

“God,” Octavia sighs, “It’s really not my place to do that but Anya likes you…more than just a friend, best friend”.

“She's straight,” Raven states her thoughts loudly. If anyone else told her that in other circumstances she would have said ‘ _It’s a lie_ ’ or ‘ _a good joke_ ’ and laughed about it but now it’s Octavia speaking and augmenting why they should break up.

“Well, she’s gay for you,” Octavia replies.

Raven can’t believe what she is hearing, could Octavia be speaking the truth? Is it even possible? She never noticed anything that might pinpoint that Anya is interested in her.

Except for her weird behavior lately and excluding her from her life, nothing happened. Or is it that? Is it how Anya deals with her interest in her best friend? It can’t be possible. Raven knows Anya for being a confident woman who always knew what she wants especially when she is interested in someone, she always makes sure that the person knows it.

“I need to go,” Raven says, she needs to be somewhere else.

**4 Days to the wedding**

**At the Airport;**

Clarke waits for her mother at the airport with a knot in her stomach, it has been a long time she hasn’t seen her mother. She misses her, she is happy to see her again even if deep inside she is still angry at her but she is nervous too. Nervous to let her mother know who her future son in-law is.

She doesn’t know why she is so afraid to tell her, is it because she knows her mother won’t like him or will freak out like all mothers do or maybe she will see right through her just like mothers do.

Abby is the first one to notice her daughter and calls for her, Clarke is brought back from her thoughts by her mother’s voice. She runs to her and engulfs her in a tight embrace as if nothing ever happened between them. No fights, nothing.

“How is my girl?” Abby asks joyful.

“Good, mom,” Clarke replies her face still nudged in her mother’s neck. “I missed you,” She lets out in a whisper.

Abby pulls back and cups her daughter’s face, “I missed you too,” She smiles tenderly at her. She really missed her daughter’s embrace.

Clarke smiles back at her, her heart aching at the apparent wrinkles on her mother’s face. She looks old and tired. She quickly comes back from her thoughts and takes her mother’s bags.

“I’ve booked a hotel room in case,” Abby lets her know.

“No need mom, you’ll stay with me,” She smiles at her mother.

“I didn’t know if you have a spare room for your old mother,” Abby replies with innuendo. Clarke smiles feeling a pang of guilt. Of course, her mother feels a little bit left out and she even can be mad at her. Clarke knows her mother is right.

“Let’s have a coffee before we head home,” She suggests knowing that Finn is waiting for them home. So she wants to have the opportunity and inform her mom about who Finn is really to avoid any weird situation.

They stop at a little café and Clarke feels like someone is strangling her throat to keep her words in.

“How is the wedding preparation?” Abby asks breaking the silence.

“First it was stressful but with…I managed…” Clarke stutters she almost blurred out Lexa’s name ‘ _Lexa’s help_ ’ she looks at her mother who now is looks confused.

“Mom, I’ve to tell you something,” Clarke lets out in a serious tone making the confused look on Abby’s face turn into fear. What can possibly Clarke want to talk to her about? She already let out a bomb at her informing her about her fiancé and that she is getting married soon.

“What is it, Clarke?” Abby’s features are stiff.

“Mom, do you remember Lexa?” Clarke asks rhetorically. She knows Abby never forgot about Lexa, but it has been a long time she didn’t mention her.

“Yeah,” Abby raises her eyebrow having no clue to where this conversation is going.

“Well, she is Finn’s sister,” Clarke says.

“What?” Abby asks with a chuckle feeling like Clarke is joking.

“Her adoptive brother, her cousin,” Clarke corrects hastily.

“How long did you…I thought you met Finn-“ Abby mumbles incomprehensibly before Clarke interrupts her.

“I didn’t know either, I met her few weeks ago…when I was back here with Finn,” Clarke explains hoping that her mother will believe her.

“How is it even possible?” Abby mutters to herself and Clarke replies, “I know, right? I never thought I’d see her again”.

Clarke was telling the truth, she never thought that she would see Lexa ever again. Yes, she wished for it and even dreamed about it but as the years went by the possibility of it never crossed her mind ever again.

“How are you?” Abby asks before adding, “You and her? How….I mean how did it go?”

Clarke’s heart aches at having to tell about that day to her mother, things were not as it should have been then when finally things started to settle between the two old best friends, reality and time kicked in and forced things to be awkward again.

Clarke can’t bring herself tell the whole truth about that day and how she felt, she knows her mother will keep asking her questions she is not sure she would be able to answer honestly, if she ever does.

Abby keeps silent listening to Clarke unlike what the latter was expecting. It makes Clarke comfortable and so she finds herself saying more than she should and expressing more than she wants. After a long moment of silence, Abby decides to pop the question, “Do you still have feelings for her?”

The question takes Clarke off guard, she would have expected many weird and unwanted questioned from her mother but not this one. Hell, this question never crossed her mind for weeks.

She knew how she felt especially after these last days, she loves Lexa but having feelings toward someone doesn’t mean love them, it means to be in love with them and to this Clarke has no clue. “Yeah, I love her,” She says and sees her mother’s eyes go wide. “She's not the one I knew but I still love her, she's my best friend,” Clarke rectifies hoping to have given the right answer.

“I asked if you still have feelings for her Clarke, not if you love her. Of course you do, she was your best friend,” Abby pushes.

Clarke looks at her mother intently wondering why is her mother insisting on her? She doesn’t know why she feels frustrated at not thinking about it before this moment, she feels stupid and suddenly as her five years old self looking with no clue at her mother who is trying to teach her something. “I’m marrying Finn, mom,” She lets out hoping that her answer is obvious.

“Alright,” Abby nods at her daughter’s answer which could have sounded truthful if her eyes didn’t betray her. Abby didn’t miss the way Clarke avoided to look at her while talking.

Abby sips from her mug all the coffee left in one go and looks at it disappointed wishing it would have been alcohol because with what she is about to witness and live the following days, she really needs it.

“Let me see her,” Abby orders and Clarke shakes her head instinctively, “No, mom.”

“I gotta see her and talk to her, Clarke,” Abby replies sternly.

“Please, mom. You’ll see her at the wedding,” Clarke replies.

“Can I at least meet my future son in-law?” Abby adds.

“Of course, mom.”

Abby keeps thoughtful all the way to Finn’s place and Clarke seems to have difficulties filling the blank silence in the car. She tries to make small talk with her mother but all she receives is repetitive one worded answers and weak smiles.

She feels nervous, all she has been fearing is now happening. Her mother is thoughtful and silent all the way home just before meeting Finn. Everything can go wrong and she might even say things that she shouldn’t say to Finn. So before even parking the car Clarke lets out in a pleading tone, “Mom, Finn doesn’t know so please we keep it that way.”

Clarke looks at her mother whose eyes widened then shut close for few seconds. Abby feels even dizzier at her daughter’s complicated relationship. She opens her eyes meeting her daughter’s pleading blue eyes that she has missed. All she can do is give her a swift nod, not trusting her tongue if she ever speak her mind to that.

**Finn’s apartment;**

Abby gets in the apartment behind Clarke silently, she takes her time to look around and feels slightly relieved when she sees her daughter’s touch to the decoration of the place. It means she started doing art again, it means she felt happy and safe enough with Finn to do it again.

Maybe Clarke is right and she is just worrying for nothing. A mother can hope.

Her eyes are on the surrounding when a manly voice interrupts her from her thoughts, “Mrs.Griffin it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Abby looks at the direction of the voice and finds a young man who is looking at her with a nervous smile and his hand in the air ready for her to shake. She can’t bring herself to return the smile on the man’s face before studying him from head to toe because she has to do it. She is the only parent of Clarke now that can protect her and she has to be very careful.

Finn looks at Clarke nervously trying to understand why Abby is looking at him so strangely, Clarke gives him a reassuring smile which doesn’t do much in this situation as Abby is acting really stiff unlike what Clarke told him about her.

“Mom,” Clarke tries to gauge a reaction from her mother. Just as Finn is about to retrieve his hand, Abby takes it in a firm hold almost a manly one. “Finn,” She nods seriously at him.

“Do you want something to drink?” Finn offers politely and Abby shakes her head, “Thank you, I just need to sit for a moment and have a talk with you.”

Clarke freaks out not knowing what her mother has in mind. “Mom, come on,” She tries to bring her nice and friendly mother back to life.

“Clarke,” Abby turns and looks at her daughter seriously. “As the only remaining parent for you, it is my duty to have the talk with Finn and I’m not staying nor be part of this wedding until I do it.”

Clarke’s jaw drops, her mother is talking seriously and she just hopes that she won’t bring Lexa in the talk. All she has to do now is agree otherwise she knows her mother is strong headed and will eventually not stay if she doesn’t have what she asks, she already denied her a meeting with Lexa and her mother said nothing she isn’t going to try her luck again.

“Ok, I’ll leave you guys to it,” Clarke says looking between Finn and her mother anxiously.

Abby looks back at Finn and waits for him to say something, he gets the message and invites her to join him on the couch where he is going to sit, Abby sits and stares right at him.

“How do you feel about the wedding?” Abby asks.

“Happy,” Finn replies with a shrug and Abby nods before adding, “Why did you propose?”

“Well, I love her,” Finn replies again shortly and Abby looks not satisfied.

Nonetheless, she continues questioning everything and so does Finn replies shortly again but honestly. She can see the sincerity in his words but she feels like he is not too much expressive which makes her doubt a little bit.

Abby could tell Finn is a nice guy, she can feel his discomfort and congratulates herself for making him that nervous. She knows Clarke is old enough to choose the right guy, but she can’t help herself worrying. Especially when Finn’s answers are short and makes her doubt that he knows Clarke at all after all he never asked her to meet her family and to what it seems neither did Clarke and it resulted in a hell of a meeting.

‘ _It is stupid’_ Abby thinks, Clarke was nothing like that so why is she going to marry him? Abby doesn’t know but she is determined to get some answers.

“Do you have any family?” The question seems harsh but Abby wants to get somewhere.

“Yeah, I’ve a sister,” Finn replies nervously.

“Ok, and did Clarke meet her before you proposed?” Abby’s questions become more targeting.

“No, she met her after we moved back to the US,” Finn says not knowing why Abby keeps on interrogating him instead of having a normal conversation.

“Have you ever asked Clarke to meet me? Has she ever asked to meet your sister, your family?” Abby asks again.

“No, we didn’t feel the need to know each other’s family I guess. We’re it for each other,” He shrugs.

“Ow, that’s…” Abby tries to find the word that can be less offensive than ‘ _Stupid_ ’ but seems that she can’t.

“I know, it may seem a little bit rushed but you have to know that I love your daughter and that’s why I asked her to marry me,” Finn tries to reassure Abby’s worry and wash away her doubts.

“Love, do you think it is enough to build a family? Do you even want kids? You’re a military and who will be there with Clarke to raise them?” Abby’s fires in one breath.

“Yes, love is enough and I can assure you that it won’t happen so soon, Clarke doesn’t want kids,” He replies quickly starting to feel irritated by Abby rude questioning.

Abby raises her eyebrow at the news, it is only making things worse for them in her eyes but Finn has no clue at all but notices that she doesn’t like his answer so he adds confidently, “Not yet at least.”

Abby sighs, she wants to kick some sense in the young man’s head about everything happening around him or might be happening around him but Clarke interrupts them walking back in the living-room.

“Mom, let’s get you comfortable in the guest room you can even take a shower, I put fresh towels there for you,” Clarke says with a nervous smile not missing how uncomfortable Finn looks.

Abby agrees, she needs a shower to relax for a little bit, the time to think everything over. She follows Clarke to the guest room and as soon as they step in, Clarke closes the door and looks at her, “Mom, you promised me to be kind with Finn.”

“And I was,” Abby replies.

“He looks like he’s been tortured,” She points out.

“Clarke, you’ve asked me to not tell him about Lexa and all I kept thinking about was telling him because it is obviously wrong,” Abby tries to keep her voice down despite feeling the need to kick her daughter’s ass.

“When I married your father, we knew everything about each other, he knew me better than I knew myself, Clarke. And this, what you and Finn has is only-“

“Don’t you dare mom,” Clarke cuts in feeling defensive. “I love him why don’t you get that and why does everyone needs to question our marriage?”

“Huh, so I’m not the only one,” Abby catches on.

Clarke huffs and looks away, “It’s not important.”

“I asked you a damn question Clarke and you didn’t even answer me properly, pardon me if I worry that my daughter is still in love with a girl that she is ready to marry her brother, her brother and not her,” Abby streeses.

“What question?” Clarke asks trying to ignore what her mom is insinuating.

“Do you have feelings for her?” Abby looks straight into Clarke’s eyes.

“No,” Clarke automatically replies without actually thinking about the question, just to not let her mother win this time.

“I hope so,” Abby mumbles between her lips.

***

Later that day, the Blake siblings tag along for lunch with Finn and the two Griffin ladies. Clarke is more than happy for the distraction Bellamy is creating for her mother giving both her and Finn the time to relax a little bit.

Octavia notices that Finn looks unlike himself today, a little bit serious and she decides to keep him company and make him talk while Clarke is silent, her mind is elsewhere. Her mind is with her mother’s words.

Clarke looks at Finn and feels guilty at even considering what her mother was implying but she knows her mother is right. Her relationship with Lexa might have been short lived but the love was there. Lexa was her first love and their love had been there even before they started dating that summer.

Since they were kids, they cared for one another greatly and when Lexa left her she felt like her whole world fell apart. It did for a while, for a long time than it should had if it was just a teenage summer love.

The corner of her lips tug slightly in a smile as she reminisces how she was with Lexa. It was perfect, the best times of her life. They were young and clueless about what the future holds for them, but still they felt like nothing can beats them when they were together. Her father was alive then and he was their hero.

Her most memorable souvenirs of her childhood with Lexa happened thanks to Jake. He was the one who asked Gustus to not send the driver for Lexa and so the two girls got to know Paris’ streets together, they got to find their spot and keep it for long. Jake was the one who asked and insisted with Gustus to have Lexa in holidays and the list goes on.

“Clarke, Did you?” Octavia interrupts Clarke’s thoughts.

“Sorry,” She lets out shyly.

Bellamy is the one to ask her, “Did you invite Mrs.Griffin for tonight?”

“I…uh…no,” Clarke stutters, “I don’t think mom seeing me being pampered by strippers is what interests her.”

“Come on, grow up a little Clarke,” Bellamy replies.

“She won’t like it anyway,” Clarke excuses.

“I haven’t been part of anything leading to this wedding, the least you can do is invite me…whatever I’m coming anyway,” Abby replies flashing a mischievous smile at her daughter.

Clarke looks at Octavia with a nervous smile, silently asking her for help. Tonight is going to be the weirdest evening Clarke will have to experience in her life. She just hopes Lexa won’t come, at least she won’t have to worry about her mom lecturing the brunette or making things even worse between them.

**That evening at the Grounders;**

Anya is the one to pick up both Lexa and Raven and they drive rather silently to the Grounders. She is focused on driving them safely there while Raven is throwing glances at her. Lexa is silent, she wishes she can just vanish.

None of them is really in the mood to party. But, for Finn’s sake they have to act adult enough and be part of the bachelorette party for Clarke. Raven somehow regrets being mainly the one in charge for it with Octavia. It is going to be weird just few hours ago she broke up with her.

Once they get there, Octavia welcomes them politely they have reserved the VIP room especially for the occasion. Anya doesn’t miss the way Raven greets Octavia with a simple ‘ _Hi_ ’ instead of their usual obnoxious kiss.

Lexa looks more than annoyed to be here. She walks to the bar first and takes a first drink that she desperately needs to start the night. She plans to stay some time enough for everyone to not doubt anything but not long enough to see the stupid things that might happen tonight. She just needs to sit in a corner for about half an hour then she can leave discreetly.

Unfortunately, things were not going to happen the way Lexa planned. She should have known better. Since Clarke was back in her life, nothing absolutely nothing worked as she planned. When she finally gets into the VIP room she is greeted by the view of Clarke in a beautiful black laced dress, she fights the urge to bite her lip and scolds herself for noticing how Clarke’s breasts look gorgeous in that dress.

She hears a familiar voice, which startles her out of her daze. Abby is standing behind Clarke and starts introducing herself to Anya and Raven while Lexa is looking with stupor at her. How did she forget about Abby? How in the world did she forget that she will have to deal with Clarke’s mother? She knows who she is, what they had and she can easily expose them.

Lexa looks at Clarke and sees that she is indeed nervous but not too much to convey her worries that her mother might ruin her bachelorette party. She is surprised when Abby smiles at her and introduces herself as if they never knew each other.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs.Griffin,” Lexa says while Abby is shaking her hand firmly.

“Finally, I'm meeting you. I heard a lot about you _Alex,_ ” Abby stresses.

Lexa smiles nervously at Abby, she knows how Clarke’s mother is and if she agreed to play dumb, it is not going to be for nothing and she knows it won’t last.

Few drinks later, everyone seem more relaxed than when they arrived except for Lexa who kept glancing at Clarke nervously and Abby met her eyes each time which made things even more awkward for her.

Lexa’s mind was elsewhere, she is either staring at her drink or at Clarke from time to time. She knows how things got here where they are, she has been part of it these last weeks but it feels surreal. She is sitting here celebrating with Clarke her bachelorette party three days before her wedding to her brother Finn.

She is barely able to hear what they are talking about, all she is thinking about is leaving just when she stands up Raven grabs her wrist, “Lexa share with us your first time.”

Lexa looks instinctively at Clarke who is avoiding to meet her eyes, she feels alone and vulnerable especially with Abby around as if it wasn’t complicated and weird enough to talk about it in front of Clarke herself.

They never got to talk about it really! Neither together, nor alone to a friend. Lexa kept her first time experience to herself because clearly she was heartbroken and barely comfortable with her anatomy when it happened and everything crumbled down.

She looks down at Raven with a nervous smile but Raven doesn’t let go of her hand and instead tugs her down to sit back with them.

“How was it?” Raven insists.

Lexa sits back and looks everywhere but at Clarke, “It was sweet even if I didn’t know what I was doing…it was perfect. I thought she’d be my forever that night when I looked at her.”

“Aww…sappy Lexa,” Raven comments drunkenly.

Clarke feels her jaw tightening, how could Lexa do that to her now? And in front of her mother who knows everything. How can Lexa be so sweet like that after clearly rejecting any possibility of them being friends again one day?

She gulps her drink in one go and puts it harsher on the table in front of her. “Well the bride’s turn,” She spits out, “Mine was sweet too but the douchebag left me the next morning and I never saw him ever again.”

**_Year 2006; Summer vacations_**

**_France (Day 23)_ **

_The last few days have been really full of emotions and experiences for Lexa, she has been in heavens with Clarke. She tried to spend most of her time with her and started staying longer the afternoon._

_Her father Gustus was too busy to notice that Lexa doesn’t come back to her hotel room at the time he fixed for her which was a miracle really. Lexa got to spend more time with her beautiful girlfriend._

_The last few days, Lexa got to know about her body and how she likes things while making out with Clarke. Things got heated more than once and she tried to keep herself from hardening each time she was with Clarke but it was in vain. Clarke purposely pushed her to the limit each time they were alone._

_However today, Clarke’s friends decided to tag along saying that since Lexa is back in her life they barely have time to see her. And so Luna, Wells and Charlotte come to the Griffin’s household even before Lexa gets there, which means that nothing will happen at least nothing more than few stolen kisses._

_Lexa knocks the door and she is surprised when Wells is the one opening the door for her and not Clarke. She greets him politely and smiles at him but he doesn’t return her smile and barely greets her back._

_She follows him where she knows Clarke and her friends are by the swimming-pool. The minute she gets there, Clarke jumps at her and greets her with a searing kiss making both Luna and Charlotte whistle. Luna knows Lexa and Clarke are dating, Clarke told Charlotte too but they didn’t know that the two girls were already at this stage of their relationship especially that Clarke never dated a girl before and Lexa seems like a very shy girl. Wells is the only one who doesn’t voice his thoughts, he is clearly jealous._

_They spend the first part of the morning playing in the pool, Lexa tries to not be too close to Clarke to avoid getting hard especially that Clarke is wearing a black bikini the one that makes her breasts look too sexy and which is Lexa’s weakness._

_After having lunch, they all get in the Griffin’s living-room to shelter from the burning sun of the midday. Clarke takes Lexa’s hand and walks her to her bedroom as soon as Lexa closes the door behind them Clarke kisses her._

_“A quoi tu penses?” (What are you thinking about?) Lexa asks the second she feels Clarke’s hand going down to the waist band of her shorts. She could feel her cock throbbing despite the deafening sound of her heartbeat at having Clarke close to her like that._

_“A toi, à nous,” (About you, about us,) Clarke replies almost in a whispers taking her hand back on Lexa’s shoulders._

_“A nous?” (About us?) Lexa asks. “T’es sure?” (Are you sure?) She insists and Clarke hums._

_“Je ne veux pas que tu reparte,” (I don’t want you to leave,) Clarke explains in a trembling voice._

_Lexa’s heart breaks._ _“Je serais toujours là pour toi, Clarke._ _Peu importe la distance qui nous sépare," (I'll always be there for you, Clarke. Regardless the distance between us,) She says cupping Clarke’s face in her hands._

_Clarke smiles at her, "Je ne suis pas prête de te laisser partir."_ _(I’m not ready to let you go.)_

_Lexa takes a deep breath, she feels the same even if she is enjoying her days with Clarke every single night when she is getting to bed in her hotel room she thinks about it and feels the ache in her heart._

_How is she going to live without seeing Clarke every single day, kissing her, staring at her smile, hearing her laugh, looking at her blue eyes, nuzzling into her, breathing her in and all of that. She doubts she can live without all of Clarke but right now she can’t tell her that, she can’t ruin their last days together._

_She can’t find her words she doesn’t know the words that might sooth Clarke’s worries and sadness because she feels the same and she knows nothing can be reassuring enough or bearable enough instead of Clarke’s presence. So, instead of talking she decides to ease her worries with what she can._

_She pushes her lips against Clarke in a needy and passionate kiss first while her hands are still cupping Clarke’s face. She can feel Clarke pushing back into her with as much need. They battle for dominance for few seconds before Lexa gives Clarke what she needs._

_Clarke wants to feel her desperately, she wants to feel Lexa all over her. Clarke’s teeth are not gentle neither is her touches, they are needy, hasty and firm. She leaves Lexa’s mouth and goes down to her neck where Lexa is sure she is going to have bruises but she doesn’t care. She lets Clarke have what she wants but stops her when she feels her hand into her pants cupping her semi hardened cock._

_“Clarke mon amour, attends!” (Clarke love, wait!) Lexa lets out gripping at Clarke’s wrist trying to stop her._

_Clarke stops but cannot meet Lexa’s eyes, she feels shy and rejected she doesn’t know how to look at her girlfriend. She feels like a horny teenager except that she is and she is in love with Lexa but looking at her after being rejected is not easy thing to do._

_“Regarde-moi, s’il te plait,” (Look at me, please,) Lexa tries again._

_Clarke looks up into green eyes and Lexa smiles at her, “Je t’aime Clarke, je suis folle de toi, de ton sourire, de ton rire, de ta voix, de tes beaux yeux, de tes gestes, de tes formes de tout absolument tout en toi…Dieu sait combien j’ai envie de toi mais…je ne suis...es-tu prête ?"_ _(I love you Clarke, I'm crazy about you, your smile, your laughter, your voice, your beautiful eyes, your gestures, your curves, of everything absolutely everything in you ... God knows how I want you but ... I'm not ... are you ready?)_

_Clarke looks intently at Lexa and nods. “Oui,” (Yes,) She simply replies and Lexa’s heart skips a beat._ _“Et toi?” (And you?) She asks back hesitantly._

_“Je ne sais pas,” (I don’t know,) Lexa replies and Clarke’s heart breaks and she could see it in her eyes but she quickly adds, “Clarke, je te veux mais je n’ai jamais…et je ne suis pas sure de moi…je ne veux pas te décevoir.”_ _(Clarke, I want you but I never...and I'm not sure about myself...I don’t want to disappoint you.)_ _Lexa feels her cheek burning._

_Clarke smiles at her, “Tu ne pourras jamais me décevoir Lexa et je m’en fou si…si tu seras bonne au lit ou pas._ _Je veux que tu sois ma première." (You can never disappoint me Lexa and I do not care if ... if you will be good in bed or not. I want you to be my first.)_

_Lexa bites her lip and smiles at Clarke feeling a little bit better. “I love you,” She whispers looking at Clarke’s lips._

_“J’ai trés envie de toi,” (I really want you,) Clarke whispers taking her hand back from Lexa’s grip and looks into her eyes waiting for Lexa to comply. The whisper of Clarke’s voice makes Lexa go insane, she wraps her arms around her waist and pushes herself impossibly closer against Clarke’s body but it is not enough so she pushes her against the wall instead and starts kissing every inch of Clarke’s skin._

_Clarke moans and feels her panties getting wet. This is it, she wants to feel Lexa’s tongue, lips, hands and naked skin on her and she wants to feel the growing heat between her legs satisfied._

_At the feeling of Lexa’s tongue on her nipple, Clarke loses the remaining control, she wants Lexa to make love to her now. She manages to untie Lexa’s bikini top while Lexa is busy with her breasts but finds it difficult to focus on the task of undressing Lexa and free her hard cock, it may be hot to feel Lexa’s hard on pressing against her thigh but she wants to feel her, to touch her and see her but she is pinned against the wall and Lexa is the one in control._

_Lexa feels the heat rushing to her center. In addition to her twitching cock, her heart is burning and her hands are yearning to touch Clarke everywhere to love her properly but she knows that now is not the moment to do it while Clarke’s friends are all in her living-room and might barge into her bedroom anytime soon. She pulls back and looks at Clarke both trying to catch their breaths._

_Lexa gulps and says, “Pas maintenant Clarke, ce soir.”_ _(Not now Clarke, tonight.) Again Lexa bites her lip looking hungrily at Clarke_

_“Ok,” Clarke agrees and wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulls her in another kiss before putting back their bikini tops and joining their friends._

_Lexa is the first one to leave that day, she needs to go back to her hotel room, call her cousin and ask some advices from him._

_“Hey Finn,” Lexa lets out nervously._

_“Hey Alex. How is Paris?” Lexa hears Finn asking her._

_“Good,” Lexa lets out happily thinking about Clarke, “By the way, Finn I..emmm…want to ask you something.”_

_“I’m listening,” Finn replies seriously feeling Lexa’s hesitant voice._

_“Well, I wanted to ask you about how…no, not how but…what can you advise me for the first time…emmm you know,“ She stutters feeling sweaty and nervous at having to ask such a personal and embarrassing question._

_“Oh, wow….well first is she worth it?” Finn asks seriously knowing that his cousin Lexa is someone very deep._

_“Yeah, I love her,” Lexa confesses shyly._

_“Ok, that’s good…I mean it’s a good thing because you need to do it only if you trust and love her enough,” Finn says carefully knowing that her cousin has issues with her anatomy and is not totally comfortable with it otherwise she would have dated before._

_“I told you Finn, I trust her. I care about her and I love her…a lot,” Lexa lets out confidently and it reassures Finn._

_“Cool, then the second thing you need to worry about is protection,” He clears his throat and adds, “you need to put the dress on it.” Lexa laughs along with her cousin it is a way to say it, as long as he doesn’t tell her your dick because she is still shy when it comes to talk about it._

_“But how…I mean I don’t have any what kind of protection is the good one?” Lexa asks anxiously and Finn smirks._

_“Don’t worry sis, just go to any drugstore and buy some,” Finn says but Lexa is sceptic._

_“Finn, I’m a girl and goes into a drugstore ask for condoms…I don’t think I’m going to do it,” Lexa replies defeated._

_“What? Bullshit, Raven is the one who buys me condoms…it shows that you care for the person you love, Alex,” He tries to encourage his cousin._

_Lexa shakes her head then remembers that he can’t see her. “I can’t,” Lexa whines nervously._

_“Alright, here what you can do…check if Gustus have any,” He says, “I know you can’t be the same size as-“ Finn doesn’t finish when Lexa interrupts him. “Out of question, Finn. Let’s skip this part for the moment what else can you advise me because I really…want it to be special,” She says shyly._

_“Well, go easy on her and don’t worry if you cum the minute you get in,” Finn says and Lexa feels her cheeks blushing, “Ok, I think you’ve covered everything I gotta hang up.”_

_“Wait, Alex,” Lexa hears Finn calling._

_“What?” She asks._

_“Make me proud and don’t get her pregnant,” Finn says seriously._

_“Shut up,” She says before hanging up feeling too stressed about how is she going to do about the condoms and where is she going to get at least one? She takes a shower, dries her hair and puts her clothes on and sneaks out of her hotel room trying to avoid being caught by her father._

_When she gets back to the Griffin’s household, it takes her a long moment to gather her strength and knock on the door. Clarke rushes to open the door wearing nothing but her underwears knowing that it is Lexa as her parents won’t be home until late at night._

_Lexa’s jaw drops when her eyes meet Clarke’s body, she shamelessly stares at her girlfriend’s curves when she hears the husky voice she loves the most, “Get in babe.”_

_Lexa’s heart melts as usual at hearing Clarke calling her babe, she smiles at her and surges forward to capture her lips. Quickly, the kiss turns into another then into a more heated one and ends up in a passionate making out on the couch._

_Lexa completely forgets about not having a condom and lets Clarke straddle her. When she feels her cock twitching she remembers and stops her girlfriend “Clarke I’ve gotta tell you something”_

_Clarke pulls back looking worriedly at Lexa. “What is it?” She asks._

_“I don’t have condoms and we better-“ Lexa says before being interrupted by Clarke with a chuckle. “Babe, mom is a doctor and she always has some at home, is that all?” Clarke asks and Lexa shakes her head._

_“Can we move to your bed, I’d feel more comfortable,” Lexa says shyly._

_“Of course,” Clarke says before standing up, taking her girlfriend’s hand in hers and walking her to the bedroom._

_As soon as they get in, Clarke tells Lexa. “Give me a minute, I’ll go get a condom,” She says with a shy smile._

_“Ok,” Lexa breaths out nervously. She walks to the bed and sits on the edge waiting impatiently for her girlfriend. Lexa can feel her heart thudding against her chest and starts to feel herself growing hard at the anticipation of what’s coming next._

_Clarke comes back with a condom in her hand and her cheeks crimson red she walks slowly to Lexa and gives it to her shyly. Lexa looks at it in her hands and takes a deep breath. “Are you sure, you want to do this?” She asks and Clarke nods._

_She leans down and gives Lexa a sweet kiss before pulling back and looking at her girlfriend. “Are you?” Clarke asks anxiously. Lexa looks at her for a moment then nods, “I am” She smiles feeling her heart warm at Clarke’s concern about her._

_Lexa helps Clarke hopping on the bed straddling her, she wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist and says, “Come here,” while pulling Clarke closer to her she starts kissing her slowly she wants to savor the moment, and she wants it to last the longest possible._

_Clarke moans in her mouth and it makes Lexa’s cock twitch, she lets her hands wander slightly lower and squeezes tentatively her girlfriend’s butt cheeks to push her closer against her, Clarke systematically starts to roll her hips on Lexa’s lap meeting Lexa’s bulge._

_Things get heated as Clarke starts feeling Lexa’s hard cock against her panties which by now are wet. Lexa wants to take off her shorts and boxer briefs but is hesitant and Clarke gets it because she knows Lexa is not really comfortable so she takes matters in hands._

_“Can I?” Clarke asks between kisses while grinding hard on Lexa._

_“What?” Lexa is too focused she doesn’t know what Clarke is asking about exactly._

_“Can I take your shorts off,” Clarke asks again this time looking straight into Lexa’s eyes._

_Lexa shakes her head, “I’ll do it by myself.” She looks at Clarke with a confident smile she doesn’t know where she found that confidence but she did, Clarke makes her feel and be many things she never is with anyone else._

_Lexa flips them over, pushing Clarke on her back, stands up and takes off her tank top then her shorts and bites her lip looking at Clarke waiting for her reaction._

_“You’re beautiful,” Clarke says looking at Lexa’s body and staring longer at her cock which is visible under her boxer briefs._

_Lexa smiles contently at the words coming from Clarke’s mouth, she didn’t need to hear them because the way Clarke looks at her is enough for her but the words tugged sweetly at Lexa’s heartstrings. She leans down on Clarke’s body and breathes out loudly at the feeling of Clarke’s skin against her own._

_She pushes Clarke’s thigh a little parting her legs open and leans down between her thighs, settling there and grinding deliberately slow against Clarke’s covered pussy then she starts kissing Clarke’s neck leisurely while her hands are everywhere on Clarke._

_Lexa’s kisses, bites and licks are not hesitant at all. Clarke could feel the love behind every little thing Lexa does to her, from the sweet kisses to the urgent need to suck at her skin or the slow pace of Lexa’s tongue tasting her skin._

_Lexa can’t get enough from kissing Clarke’s body, she feels the need to touch herself but refrains. Today she is Clarke’s and only Clarke is allowed to touch her down there because she is the only one entitled to it and also because Lexa doesn’t like touching herself much._

_She pulls back and hears Clarke whining in disapproval it makes her smile happily because it means that Clarke wants her as much as she does and hates to lose the feeling of her. She unclasps her own bra and helps Clarke to get out of her own. Then she looks down at Clarke’s panties then back up to Clarke’s eyes who gives her permission._

_Lexa feels like her heart is going to explode, Clarke is granting her the most beautiful and intimate part of her body something she can’t grant nor share with anyone else. Something she can give once and she is choosing her. She is about to do the same, she is about to share her body with Clarke, to let Clarke close to her as no one ever was._

_She trails tender kisses down Clarke’s body and hooks her slender fingers delicately at the hem of Clarke’s panties while pushing them down slowly giving Clarke the time to stop her. Lexa can’t help herself pulling back and looking down at Clarke’s trimmed pussy, she could see her glistening pink folds she leans down and pushes her lips tenderly against Clarke’s clit._

_Clarke cries her name asking her girlfriend for more, her hips jerk up at the feeling of Lexa’s hot tongue against her awaiting and needy cunt. Lexa moans at the taste of Clarke’s arousal and the vibrations of her moans make Clarke crazy._

_She tangles both her hands in Lexa’s hair to keep her where she needs her the most, Lexa is more than glad to stay there and love Clarke’s pussy. After Clarke’s needy instructions, Lexa succeeds to make Clarke cum. She could feel her own orgasm building up but she is too busy worshiping Clarke’s body._

_Lexa trails kisses up to Clarke’s stomach, breasts then when she looks down at her beautiful girlfriend she can’t help smiling at the sight of Clarke’s post orgasmic face. She never had to see that, it is a first and Lexa is more than happy to get to know such amazing things about Clarke._

_Clarke pulls Lexa down on her and tastes herself on her girlfriend’s mouth while her hands are caressing Lexa’s naked back. “Lie down on me,” Clarke demands against Lexa’s plump lips._

_She wants to feel Lexa’s weight on her, she wants to feel her reassuring presence because she knows she won’t have it for long. Lexa smiles lovingly at her trying hard to ignore her pulsating cock between her legs and lets her weight cautiously down on Clarke._

_Lexa’s loving kisses and soft nipping causes Clarke’s appreciative hums and moans which only encourage Lexa to do more. Clarke could feel Lexa’s hard cock across her boxer brief rubbing down against her thigh, she wants to reach for Lexa’s boxer brief but hesitates for a moment._

_“Lexa,” Clarke breathes out trying to get Lexa’s attention but to no avail, Lexa is too focused on worshiping Clarke’s body. Clarke tries again this time but louder and Lexa stops what she is doing, pushes herself off Clarke’s body a little bit and looks worriedly at her afraid that she might have crushed Clarke down with her weight._

_Clarke takes the opportunity and lets her hand down to cup Lexa’s cock whose eyes shut close and she lets out a throaty moan at the feeling of Clarke’s hand on her. It didn’t happen so far, Clarke loves to grind down Lexa’s cock but she never touched her._

_“Can I take it off?” Clarke asks Lexa between kisses and she is a little bit surprised when Lexa nods but doesn’t move. Clarke feels impatient and tugs at Lexa’s boxers quickly making Lexa’s heartbeat race afraid what might come next, she keeps her eyes on Clarke’s face to see her reaction._

_Clarke looks back up meeting green eyes, she feels aroused at the sight of Lexa’s hard cock so she makes sure to let her know. She hooks her leg around Lexa’s body and pushes her back on top of her. Both moan at the feeling of each other’s bodies naked against one another._

_Lexa feels her arms shaking she is not sure she is able to keep herself from crushing Clarke or worse cumming by just the feeling of her soaked pussy against her. It feels heavenly and for the first time Lexa feels good._

_Clarke starts backing up her hips to meet Lexa’s hardened cock and get the friction needed, Lexa gets it and decides to stop teasing both herself and Clarke. She looks down between their bodies and places herself right between Clarke’s folds and starts sliding her cock slowly soaking it in Clarke’s wetness while her eyes are locked with Clarke’s._

_Her heart swells in her chest at the reached intimacy between her and Clarke, this is nothing like they have had before. She could feel herself on the edge and very close so she connects their lips then she stops and looks at her “Are you sure about that, Clarke?” Lexa asks once again and Clarke nods._

_“Ok, I need to put the condom,” Lexa says before sitting on her knees between Clarke’s thighs and takes the condom with trembling hands. Clarke pulls back and sits so she can see then takes the condom from Lexa’s hand. Their eyes meet and Lexa gives her consent for Clarke who rolls the condom down Lexa’s cock._

_Lexa feels the need to throw her head back and enjoy the feeling of Clarke’s hand but she is too mesmerized by the scene in front of her. Clarke managed to do it and now she is giving Lexa’s cock a handjob tentatively. Lexa looks up to meet Clarke’s eyes who smiles at her._

_Lexa claims Clarke’s lips and kisses her sloppily, she grabs Clarke’s wrist to stop her, pushes her back on the bed and guides her cock to Clarke’s entrance and pushes lightly and slowly in then looks up to Clarke to see if she is hurting her._

_Clarke gives her a reassuring smile and so Lexa pushes again but slowly making sure to keep herself from cumming at the warmth and tightness of Clarke’s walls around her._

_Lexa stops from moving and leans down to kiss her then Clarke asks her to move. Lexa’s thrusts are gentle and slow, her forehead against Clarke’s breathing the same air. She can’t believe she is having sex, she can’t believe she is having her first time with Clarke, her Clarke._

_Clarke feels like her heart is about to explode in her chest, she is feeling Lexa into her thrusting slowly to not hurt her. Despite that, she can feel a little discomfort and burning which is slightly blurred by the pleasure she is feeling. She tries and meets Lexa’s thrusts making her moan._

_Lexa can’t bring herself to last longer she can feel her orgasm about to hit and with Clarke’s thrusting back she quickens the pace and cums into the condom. She moans loudly at the feeling of Clarke’s walls milking her out of her semen._

_After coming down from the waves of her orgasm, Lexa collapses on Clarke and tries to catch her breath, her head nuzzled into Clarke’s neck while Clarke is caressing her back and moving her hips and squeezing at Lexa’s length experimentally while she is still sheathed into her._

_At the clamping of Clarke’s walls around her, Lexa realizes that Clarke didn’t cum so she pulls out and Clarke brings another condom for Lexa. Later, the second time that night Lexa makes love to Clarke again and manages to make her orgasm before her._

_They sleep into each other’s arms forgetting about everything around, Lexa is too tired to remember that Clarke’s parents might ask questions the next morning when they realize that she spent the night in their daughter’s bed._

_Around seven am, Lexa wakes up feeling something itching her on her back then she realizes that it is Clarke’s hair who is cuddling into her. She smiles and pushes herself out of bed, she knows she has to leave and pretend that she spent her night in her hotel room before her father finds out that she has broken the rules._

_She dresses as quickly as humanly possible and sneaks out of Clarke’s window and rushes to her hotel. Her heart stops when she finds her father sitting in her room searching for something in her bags._

_“Where were you?” Gustus spits out angrily._

_“At Clarkes, we were watching tv then we drifted-“ Lexa tries to make up an excuse but Gustus won’t let her._

_“You have an hour to pack and be ready, our flight is at ten,” Gustus orders before walking out of her hotel room._

_Lexa runs after him trying to protest and ask him to leave without her so she can spend few more days, she argues that she is eighteen and she can be on her own for a week but Gustus won’t listen to any of her words._

_Lexa goes back to her hotel room and starts packing eyes filled with tears. She just had the most beautiful and magical night of her life in Clarke’s arms and now she is teared away from her. From her happiness, from Clarke. Clarke._

_Lexa panics and writes down a note with her details back home, she feels stupid at not doing it earlier or the very first day she found Clarke again. But she wasn’t expecting for this to happen, for being taken away from her so abruptly and harshly just after they had their first night together as girlfriends, as lovers._

_When she gets to Clarke’s home, she finds Wells about to knock and grits her teeth. She ignores him and knocks hurriedly then when no one opens she tries again but to no avail._

_She rounds the house and jumps to their backyard meanwhile Wells is trying to stop her. Then when he sees that she is not going to do it he follows her in and stops her right when she’s about to get in Clarke’s room._

_Lexa turns back her eyes puffy and red looking angrily at him, she doesn’t need someone else keeping her from Clarke. She doesn’t know how it happened and neither realizes it until she feels her hand aching. She just punched Wells straight in the face who frees her wrist from his death grip giving her the opportunity to get in Clarke’s room._

_She looks at Clarke and her heart aches, she is about to leave her she leans down and kisses her forehead and tries to wake her but Clarke stirs and flips over her back now facing her._

_Lexa puts the note on Clarke’s desk and leaves back to the hotel her heart aching at having to leave so suddenly. She hopes to hear from Clarke the minute she gets home, she doesn’t know that Wells is going to deprive her from the love of her life just because of his jealousy._

_She needed more days with Clarke, she was not ready to leave her yet. Little did she know that she won’t see her again until more than ten years later but in the arms of her brother Finn._

**Present time; At the Grounders;**

Clarke’s words hit Lexa with full force, clearly Clarke is drunk but that doesn’t excuse the rudeness. Lexa tries to distract herself by going out to the dance floor and the bar despite having drinks and more than enough in the VIP room.

She wants to be away for few minutes. Bad decision, Abby follows her and dives right into it, “Lexa!” Abby’s voice is firm.

Lexa looks at the old woman and nods politely acknowledging her presence, “Mrs.Griffin.”

“What are you plotting with your cousin Finn?”

Lexa frowns taken aback by Abby’s question. “Nothing, Mrs Griffin,” She replies politely, she knows it might be suspicious at first.

“Clarke didn’t tell me much about you and the reasons you left her as if she was nothing she just said that you left her something and we both know you didn’t. If Clark-“

Lexa interrupts her, “I did. I left her a not-“

Abby stops her this time and says, “I don’t care, maybe it is true and Clarke believes you but I don’t” Abby looks angrily at her and Lexa sighs, “What do you want me to say?”

“The truth, if you’re even capable,” Abby spits out.

“You don’t want to hear the truth, why would I bother?” Lexa replies feeling her patience is running out.

Abby throws at her a threatening look then adds, “If you ever get near Clarke again or hurt her, you’ll regret it.”

Lexa is hurt, how could anyone think that she is capable of hurting Clarke, the love of her life? Abby should be the one knowing that she has been in love with her since they were kids. She was the first one who suspected that Lexa has feelings for her daughter when they were only kids.

Lexa excuses herself politely and walks back to the VIP room where she finds the stripper already performing a lap dance for Clarke who has the sweetest blush over her cheeks. She sits and looks away trying not to stare a lot as Abby just got in after her and she can feel her eyes on her.

When the girl finishes she gestures for her friend the other stripper who throws her a marker pen and writes down on Clarke’s cleavage her phone number after murmuring something in her ear. Lexa's jaw tightens. She knows the stripper is a wild girl. What kills her the most is that Clarke is laughing and looking down at her cleavage.

“What did she say?” Octavia asks laughing.

“She said in case the wedding fails,” Clarke replies giggling drunkenly.

“Give me her number,” Raven blurts out and Anya’s eyes widen. As if it wasn’t enough, Lexa looks at Anya to see how she is doing. She completely forgot about her best friend. Then when she notices that Anya put her unfazed mask on, she looks at Raven to see what the hell is wrong with her she notices that her and Octavia are not clinging to each other like they have been the last few days.

Octavia’s eyes are on Anya, she is trying to communicate with her to tell her to jump on the occasion to tell Anya to talk to Raven but Anya refuses to meet her eyes and leaves the room. Lexa looks angrily at her other best friend and tells her to go see what is wrong with her.

Raven purposely decided to ignore everything happening between her and Anya for tonight and talk to her whenever she feels ready but it seems that things are just getting worse and worse between them so she runs after her best friend.

Clarke doesn’t spare Lexa a look again and it only ignites Lexa’s anger further so when Clarke says that she is going to the bathroom and wash the number off her breasts, Lexa follows her ignoring the looks Abby was giving her.

The moment Clarke gets in the bathroom, the door opens again to Lexa who lets out angrily, “What are you doing? Why the hell would you want a stripper if you’re going to marry my brother?” She asks her about the stripper out of jealousy completely forgetting what Clarke said about her first time with her.

“Why do you care? I’m having fun and there’s nothing wrong about what I’m doing,” Clarke replies looking at her.

Lexa feels on the edge of tears. She has been hurt before and she has dealt with a heartbreak after realizing that Clarke was not going to get in touch with her again, but this right now is more than what she had experienced because she is not just assuming that Clarke is being rude to her like before she is witnessing it. “That’s enough, I’m leaving,” She lets out.

“No, you’re not…why do you care, hein?” Clarke pushes Lexa’s back against the bathroom door and steps in her personal space looking defiantly at her.

“Get out of my way,” Lexa says looking harshly at Clarke trying to hide her broken heart.

“What if I don’t?” Clarke replies looking down at Lexa’s lips then back at her eyes and Lexa’s breath hitches. She puts her hands on Clarke’s waist and flips their positions before kissing Clarke passionately.

Lexa’s brain runs out of words and the only way she found to share what she is feeling is by backing Clarke against the bathroom’s door pressing her body against Clarke and claiming her lips.

The kiss is not tender, it’s needy and rough. Lexa tugs with her teeth at Clarke’s lip, she knows she's almost making Clarke’s lip bleed but she is too driven to stop until she feels Clarke wrapping her arms around her shoulders pushing her closer for another kiss.

She pulls back and tries to meet Clarke’s eyes but finds them shut, all she could find is a weak smile on the blonde and her lip already bruised. “Clarke,” She lets out pleadingly with a shaky breath. She wants to see her blue eyes, to read and understand what this means for her.

Clarke opens them and looks at Lexa, her green eyes are shiny, tears threatening to spill. She looks curiously at her then demands, “Kiss me again.”

Lexa complies. Damn her brother, the wedding, the morals, and damn everything else Clarke is asking her for a kiss and this is something she never was able to deny her, not even now, especially now.

Clarke pushes her lips this time harder and takes control of the kiss, she moans when her tongue meets Lexa’s after she grants her entrance. She feels Lexa’s hand kneading not so softly at her breast while the other is keeping her against the door. She lets her hands wandering down Lexa’s back and squeezes at her butt cheeks pushing her pelvis closer to hers wanting to feel Lexa’s cock. It works, but not the way Clarke was expecting it because the second Lexa feels it she pulls back.

“ _Please,_ ” Clarke begs over and over again trying to reach for the waistband of Lexa’s pants but the brunette refuses. “You’re drunk, Clarke,” She explains pushing a lock of hair from Clarke’s face and placing a soft kiss on her neck before pushing her away from the door and leaves.

“You and I, we need to talk,” Lexa hears Abby saying.


	10. Chapter 10

**4 Days for the wedding; At the Grounders;**

Raven follows Anya out of the club, she doesn’t know what to expect nor what to say to her best friend. She rushes to catch her footsteps but fails. “Anya!” She calls her out.

Anya stops and looks back at Raven expectantly while she closes the remaining distance between them, “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I’ve a headache,” Anya lies and Raven sighs because she knows all Anya is trying to do is to run away from her.

“Is it true?”

“What?” Anya asks back confused.

“That you…have feelings for me,” Raven is trying hard to maintain the eye contact.

Anya’s heart stops she systematically denies by shaking her head and looking away not meeting Raven’s eyes.

“Then look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel anything for me,” Raven demands.

Anya looks at her best friend silently for a moment and without saying anything Raven reads her, even if she knew and trusted Octavia’s words it took her by surprise. It feels weird and Anya is uncomfortable talking about her feelings, it is frightening her because she knows this conversation might ruin their longtime friendship.

“For how long?”

Anya doesn’t reply, she remains silent and takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry...it’s just that it feels awkward…we’ve been friends forever and now I’m harassing you with questions.”

Anya smiles at her best friend and clears her throat, “It’s more than awkward for me.”

“Then I’m sorry if I’ve been a bitch to you.”

“It’s ok,” Anya says softly with a smile on her face then fidgets with the keys in her hands. When Raven notices them, she takes a step closer and says, “I just want to know one thing. Is it just attraction or…more?”

Anya cannot believe what she is hearing, Raven wants to know if she has feelings for her or she just is attracted to her. It’s stupid as it clearly is more than just attraction otherwise she won’t be so secretive and freak out about it.

She stares at her for a moment debating about what the good answer is, if she tells her the truth she might make things worse and lose her friendship but if she doesn’t she may regret it later and she won't know if Raven feels anything for her at all. “More,” She finally lets out in a whisper.

“Oh, wow!” Raven lets out then remains speechless and Anya panics. “It’s just a stupid crush. First girl crush or whatever, don’t worry I’ll be fine, I’m fine.”

Raven doesn’t know how to feel about all of that, when Octavia told her she hoped deep down that it is not true, that Anya is just being bitchy for whatever reason but nothing related to her, to them or their friendship. Now Anya is telling her that she has feelings for her, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Anya shrugs, “I don’t know, I was afraid that it will make things awkward between us, and I was right.”

“No, you’re wrong,” Raven disagrees trying to sound confident but fails miserably.

Anya raises her eyebrow, “Really? So if I ask you out on a date, you’d just say yes?”

“I...emmm don’t know but..” Raven stutters.

“See,” Anya says in a huff and turns to resume her path to her car.

“Wait, Anya,” Raven tries to stop the blonde from leaving but Anya won’t, she opens her car and gets in. Raven rushes to the passenger side and joins her.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or…I’m just…Fuck! This is hell awkward you’re right…maybe with time I-“ Raven doesn’t get to finish when Anya interrupts her not wanting to get her hopes up and make Raven uncomfortable.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want you to think about it for my sake…that’s why I didn’t tell you in the first place,” Anya looks at Raven with a reassuring smile betraying her own heart, “I knew you would try just to…just because we’re best friends but it will only make things worse so don’t.” Anya shakes her head explaining to her best friend.

Raven nods worried, “Are we ok, though?”

Anya forces a smile for her best friend. “Of course,” She manages to say. It is a lie because she does not even believe her own words and if she had to be honest, she would have answered differently.

**********

Abby has a death grip on Lexa’s forearm and it says a lot about what’s coming next. Lexa wants to leave and be alone to think about what just happened. She can still feel the taste of Clarke’s tongue in her mouth. It is making her dizzy and she is barely able to walk.

“Take us somewhere we can actually hear each other,” Abby orders and Lexa nods without questioning her. She knows Abby has every right to ask for a talk with her particularly after what she just have done with her daughter.

Few minutes later, the two women catch an uber and go directly to Lexa’s mansion. As soon as they step out of the car Abby spits out angrily, “Were you just banging my daughter in a club’s bathroom?”

Lexa’s jaw drops, she looks in disbelief at Abby’s forwardness. She is speechless, she doesn’t know how to reply to such a question especially because it sounds more like an accusation, a statement than a question.

After a moment, Lexa tries to deny shaking lightly her head but Abby interrupts her, “Don’t you dare lie to me, Lexa.” She threatens in a motherly way.

“I’m not,” Lexa quickly replies, “I wasn’t, she deserves better…I’d never..” Lexa feels like a teenager all over again, feeling her cheeks blushing at having to talk with Abby about Clarke.

“Then why this?” Abby gestures at Lexa’s lips and face before adding, “Why did you follow her in there?”

There is no point in denying nor lying to Clarke’s mother anymore because even if Lexa does after what she has done tonight she knows for sure Clarke might tell the truth and everything is going to be revealed by tomorrow.

“I never stopped loving her,” She says hoping that it is enough for Abby and she won’t ask more questions, after all it explains everything.

Abby looks at her for a moment and all she can see is the truth but she can’t find her words. It was obvious to her earlier when Lexa talked about her first time with Clarke that she still has feelings for her, her eyes betrayed her. She doesn’t know how to deal with what she just heard.

Her maternal instinct urges her to wrap Lexa in her arms and comfort her, she could see the tears in her eyes but her brain was telling her to scold her like a parent would do.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologizes.

“Then why Clarke is marrying Finn?” Abby asks Lexa who shrugs in response.

“She loves him, I guess,” Lexa’s lips twitch in a sad smile as a tear rolls down her cheek.

Abby pinches the bridge of her nose trying to focus and find a solution to this masquerade happening in front of her, “I don’t know what to say, Lexa.”

“There’s nothing to say,” Lexa says, “you wanted the truth, you heard it…I’d never use Clarke for anything like you presumed...I followed her to talk, that’s all.”

“Thank you for being honest, at least with me. I don’t understand why you both are hiding the truth from everyone….does all your friendship and love to Clarke mean nothing?” Abby asks and Lexa sighs, she is too worn emotionally to deal with this kind of questions.

However, giving the intimidating position of Abby being Clarke’s mother and often in the past as an aunt for her, Lexa can’t bring herself ignoring or disrespecting her by not answering her.

Lexa wipes the tear away from her cheek and explains to Abby the reason that kept her from telling the truth. Abby gave Lexa the time to talk and explain without interrupting her.

“Finn is your brother, you should have talked to him. Look at you! You're about to host the wedding of the woman you love with you brother,” Abby says trying to kick some sense in Lexa's brain.

“It’s too late, now.”

“It’s not, Lexa. It’s never too late to do the right thing…I know it is hard for you to talk about your feelings but you have to tell Finn…you have…wait! Did you tell Clarke about your feelings?”

“No,” Lexa replies then corrects herself hesitantly, “yes, I guess.”

“You don’t seem so sure…Did you use actual words or you kept staring at her like you did back in the club?”

Lexa feels humiliated at the same time surprised at how much Abby knows her even after all these years, she looks down at her hands shamefully then back at Abby and shakes her head.

“Then how?”

“I kissed her,” Lexa blurts out then hopes Abby won’t ask details because she doesn’t know how to tell her that Clarke was drunk when she kissed her.

Abby keeps herself from laughing at Lexa’s reply because the situation is critical and laughing will only make Lexa close off again. She clears her throat then says, “Lexa, a kiss doesn’t mean anything at all, words do. Tell her the truth, maybe she feels the same about you.”

Lexa’s heart skips a beat, does Abby know something she is not telling her? Lexa knows Abby is right a kiss doesn’t mean, ‘ _I love you.’_ nor does it convey the depth of her feelings.

“Did Clarke…tell you something? Does she..?” Lexa asks keeping her breath.

“No,” Abby quickly replies not wanting to give Lexa hope while Clarke is still getting married with Finn and she said nothing about it. Sure she denied having feelings for Lexa but Abby knows her well.

Lexa looks miserable; it hurts how certain Abby’s answer is. She wants to walk away and stop thinking about everything, stop thinking about Clarke and the wedding, stop thinking about Finn but she can’t.

Abby wants to comfort her but she doesn’t know how and whether it is a good idea because all Lexa needs now is to realize the enormity of the situation and start acting differently.

“Talk to Finn, Lexa! Tell him that you love Clarke,” Abby suggests.

“I can’t,” Lexa shakes her head and all Abby wants to do is slap her.

**********

Clarke walks back out of the bathroom without washing off the stripper’s number after looking at herself on the bathroom mirror for about ten minutes. She didn’t recognize herself or so she thinks. She is drunk and a little but turned on by Lexa.

She goes back to the VIP room where her friends or at least Octavia will be there and help her get back home safely but she finds no one, not even her mother. She frowns eyeing the room, the drinks are still full but it is empty except for her phone and purse. Clearly everyone left, she takes her phone and calls Finn to pick her up.

When Finn gets to the club he is not prepared to see what he finds, a drunk Clarke this one he was expecting it according to how incomprehensible the phone call was. However, he was not expecting to find Clarke looking like a wild party girl despite the low lights he could see that she had a number written on her breasts and she barely was making any sense.

He walks her out of the club and helps her getting in the car and drives back home silently. It is the least he can do and he knows he shouldn’t feel mad or anything like that because he got back home drunk more than he can reckon but he can’t just help feeling like that.

It gets worse after they get home because the first thing Clarke does is push him when he tried to help her out of her dress.

“Don’t…don’t touch me,” Clarke protests drunkenly.

Finn bugs out speechless because it is only now that he notices the bruise on her lip, he gulps and tries to not lash out at her knowing that she is drunk and now is not the time to talk.

“Is mom home?” Clarke is trying to take off her dress.

“No,” Finn replies staring at her bruise and at her chest then he can’t help himself waiting until tomorrow to know, “What happened and why were you alone in your bachelorette party?”

Clarke looks at him and shrugs, “I was in the bathroom with Lexa…Alex?” She frowns then steps out of her heels and adds, “to wash this” She gestures at her breasts, “and…then Lexa, no Alex” She acquiesces drunkenly with herself with a nod, “Alex, she…no, I should probably not tell you what we did and then I walked out of the bathroom and…no one was there.”

“Clarke?” Finn lets out shocked. “Who did this to you?” He points out at her breasts without touching her.

“The stripper,” Clarke laughs and Finn nods.

He knows he shouldn’t be jealous Clarke is going to be his wife in three days and if a stripper hit on her, it is not the end of the world but what intrigues him the most is what Clarke said, or not said about what she did with Lexa.

He tries to ignore the voices in his head and goes to bed with Clarke, he will try and talk to her when she is sober tomorrow and ask his sister about what happened. He doesn’t know who he should talk to about his doubts because they are stupid and he will probably makes a fool of himself.

**3 Days to the wedding;**

The next morning, Clarke wakes up with a headache. She barely manages to get out of her bed. She walks to the bathroom and the first thing she sees is the bruise on her lip. She looks closer and tries to remember whatever caused it but she remembers nothing only that she got drunk, the stripper’s number and the bathroom.

Lexa. Her eyes widen at the memory of her asking Lexa to kiss her, she touches her lips looking at the mirror not sure if it is her imagination or what happened. Could it be Lexa who bruised her lip? At the thought, she feels her heart racing.

She showers quickly and just as she gets out of the bathroom, she hears Finn leaving. Her heart stops and she feels guilty at what she has done yesterday night. Nothing is sure, maybe it is just her imagination because why would Lexa kiss her after telling her that she doesn’t want to her friend?

In the other hand, she feels guilty because at the thought that Lexa is the one who bruised her lip she feels something familiar, butterflies in her stomach almost like when she was a teenager and it feels warm and happy and her heart beats like it’s going to pop out of her chest.

She puts her clothes on and rushes to the guest room to see if her mother is already awake, maybe she will tell her what happened but Abby is nowhere to be found in the apartment so she calls her and again her mother is unreachable.

She calls Octavia but to no avail, the brunette is not answering her calls nor replying to her texts. So instead of waiting for whatever, she takes few things that she will need on the wedding day and heads to Lexa’s mansion.

She hopes to run into Lexa and maybe she could tell her about the events that led to her bruised lips she might even need to apologize for being drunk and asking her for a kiss. The fact of apologizing doesn’t bother her much but the reason she would apologize doesn’t ring right. Why would she apologize for kissing Lexa?

However, when she gets to the mansion Lexa is nowhere to be seen. She feels a little bit disappointed at not finding her and feels puzzled about last night events. She gets in the room and calls Octavia again who finally picks up.

“Hey, I’m sorry I was driving when you called,” Clarke hears Octavia telling her.

“It's ok, O. Can you talk now?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Octavia asks then adds, “is everything alright?”

“Yeah, emmm it's just that I don’t remember what happened yesterday.”

“Well we got drunk, especially you,” Octavia laughs, “then you got yourself a stripper’s number tattooed on your boobs and when you left to the bathroom to remove it. Lexa left too and so your mom told me that the party is over and I should leave so I left.”

“That’s all you know?”

“No, I remember you insulting Lexa when telling us about how was your first time…that much I gathered and it's mainly the reason she left, I think…she looked devastated, Clarke.”

Clarke’s heart aches at what she is hearing. Yes, she was angry at Lexa but she would never do something or say something to hurt her, “Are you sure, O?”

“Yeah, you said it was amazing or sweet but that she left you and you referred to her as a‘ _douchebag_ ’ who left and you never saw again,” Octavia clarifies.

“Oh God!” Clarke gasps in disbelief, how could she be so mean to someone she loves so much. Love, her heart stops at the thought. Yes, she loves Lexa and she would never do something like that, she would never hurt her. She feels like her head was going to explode with all the information and the blurred images of her and Lexa in the club’s bathroom.

“Clarke!” Octavia lets out as Clarke is silent.

“O, I think..or I did I don’t know…I kissed Lexa and she bit my lip and now it’s-“ Clarke is interrupted when the room’s door opens.

“You did what?” Clarke hears Octavia shouting at the other end of the phone.

“I’ll call you later,” Clarke says before hanging up.

“Mom?” Clarke raises her eyebrow a little bit confused on how her mother ended up here.

“Clarke,” Abby smiles sadly at her seeing that things might have got more heated than a simple kiss according to the bruise on her daughter’s lip.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asks bluntly.

“I’m here to see my daughter,” Abby walks deeper into the room after closing the door behind her.

Clarke gives her mother a fake smile because Abby glances at her lips and then gives her the look. The look she used to give her when she was about parenting her. She sits on the sofa and gestures for her daughter to join her, Clarke complies having a presentiment about what her mother is going to talk about.

Abby looks into her eyes and asks seriously, “Do you love her? Are you in love with her? Do you love Finn the way you loved Lexa?”

Clarke blinks few times letting Abby’s words sink in her brain and make sense, she doesn’t know what she should answer. Yes, she loves Lexa but is she in love with her? Does she love Finn the way she loved Lexa when they were younger? No, that much she knows. She knows the love she has for Finn is nothing compared to the one she feels for Lexa but now is not the right time to question it.

Abby sees that Clarke is not about to give her any answer. In fact, she is not expecting an answer. She wants to question her so she can make her think about it.

“I’m not asking you to give me an answer or explain to me because I don’t need the answer, you need it. And me, as your mom, I want you to do the right thing after figuring it out,” Abby says in a comforting way to Clarke who is happy that she is not insisting on getting an answer, because frankly she doesn’t have it.

“Thanks mom,” Clarke scoots closer to her mother and hugs her then asks, “Have you seen Finn?”

“Why?” Abby fears the worse.

“Nothing, it’s ok. I was showering when he left so I didn’t see him this morning and I thought maybe you did.”

Abby nods with a smile, she knows Clarke is not telling her everything but she decides to not push her more than that. She is already questioning her relationship with Lexa and Finn, she is not going to entertain the idea further in her daughter’s brain.

“Well, you’re here! Why don’t I try the dress for you,” Clarke says with a bright smile.

“I would love to.”

“I’ll need your help,” Clarke confesses.

“Of course.”

**********

Lexa knocks lightly at the door like she is afraid to waver, to lose control because so many things can go wrong once she gets in, she waits for a minute but nothing so she pushes the door of the guest room softly and steps in. 

Clarke is standing by the window while Abby is behind her tugging at the strings of the corset closing it while talking to Clarke about her own dress. They don't notice her presence until Lexa clears her throat.

Clarke recognizes it and whips her head finding Lexa standing stiffly at the entrance of the room.

Lexa is fully dressed now with a well cut black suit and high heels, it is clear that she’s heading to work or a business meeting. The suit is tight at the right places, Clarke can't help her eyes wander to Lexa's crotch but she sees nothing! Lexa must have tucked well but she doesn't look uncomfortable.

Clarke scolds herself mentally for always letting her eyes go down there! It is barely a second but Clarke thinks Lexa saw her. Lexa didn't, she is too much focused staring at Clarke's cleavage to notice where her eyes are.

She has seen the dress, she did but not on Clarke. The white dress is amazing and the model wearing it doesn't do it justice, Clarke does. Lexa gulps trying to recollect herself.

"Mom, please can you give us a minute," Clarke looks at mother pleadingly.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Abby whispers to her daughter.

"Thank you," Clarke's only reply is. Lexa smiles nervously at Abby who throws her a threatening look.

When the door clicks Lexa looks behind her back to make sure it is indeed closed and they are alone before she looks back at the bride.

Clarke is now looking at the window, her back to Lexa again. She takes a deep breath to compose herself when she hears the clicking of Lexa's high heels.

Lexa stays at a respectable distance behind Clarke and lets out, "Clarke!" She wants to talk to her to avoid things to get even more complicated and for the last time before she is officially married to her brother. She wants to give Clarke her gift because she doesn't know if she would be able to do it on the wedding day. Hell she doubts she would be sober enough to do it.

"What are you doing here, Lexa?" Clarke's voice is cold as ice, she doesn’t know where it came from this sudden feeling and behavior, she is barely managing to maintain her self-control to realize what it is.

The question throws Lexa off guard, she looks at her and notices the bruise she made on her lip for a moment before recollecting herself enough to manage an answer, “Can we talk about yesterday?”

Clarke hesitates for a moment then nods, she can’t bring herself to speak yet. She looks into green eyes expectedly waiting to hear what Lexa has to say about the events of the previous night.

“You were drunk,” Lexa states. “Do you remember anything at all?” Lexa asks, not knowing how to start the conversation.

Clarke shakes her head, “No, it's…blurry.”

Lexa nods, “We had a fight”. Clarke frowns she doesn’t remember fighting with Lexa, she remembers asking her to kiss her even if Octavia did tell her that she called her a ‘ _douchebag_ ’.

“I’m sorry, I was drunk and I was….I don’t know! I’m really sorry it won’t happen again,” Clarke apologizes and Lexa’s heart breaks.

“You regret it,” It’s a statement more than a question to which Clarke nods breaking Lexa’s heart.

Lexa looks down at her hands for a moment it is even more devastating than she thought it would be. She didn’t even expect Clarke to tell her that she regret the kiss not knowing that Clarke has something else in mind.

"I came to give you your wedding gift," Lexa replies putting her commander face on.

"I thought this _wedding_ is a wedding gift," Clarke gestures towards the window at the gardens looking like their old spot.

"It's Finn's not yours," Lexa corrects her.

"What's the difference really!? I'm his wife, what's mine is his."

"Not for me," Lexa unbuttons the vest of her suit, tugs her hand and takes out a little box before handing it to Clarke, "Here." She wants to give it to her and leave becasuse she won't be able to do it.

"No, I don't accept it," Clarke says pressing her lips together keeping herself from saying anything that she might regret.

Lexa sighs, she really wants Clarke to have it. She opens it and faces it to her. Clarke's breath hitches, she takes a step forward and gazes the golden hairpin with her fingers "it's beautiful" she breathes out with a smile and Lexa's heart aches but she can't help smiling back at Clarke.

"I knew you would love it."

Clarke looks into green eyes and sees Lexa’s smile reaching them. Lexa is a few inches away from her, she didn't realize how close she is to her until now that she had to look down to meet Clarke's eyes, Lexa is wearing higher heels than Clarke's obviously.

She gulps remembering that she is not supposed to be so warm and share complicity with her brother's wife. She remembers that she shouldn't feel her heart so hard against her chest around her sister in-law so she decides to leave it in her hands and walk out of the room. Clarke regrets the kiss after all.

However, Clarke is not willing to let her win, she is stubborn. The second Lexa put the little box in her hand, she opened her hands letting it fall on the floor "No"

Lexa crouches and grabs the golden hairpin and the box then stands back. She feels her heart stuck in her throat at the closeness, Clarke's chest. It's almost touching hers just like yesterday. She gulps trying to swallow her heart back deep inside and has no other choice than to put the hairpin on Clarke's hair herself.

Clarke feels her heart jolt in her chest at the proximity. Lexa smiles tenderly looking at the golden hairpin which looks really beautiful on Clarke’s blonde hair.

Clarke takes Lexa's free hand between hers and Lexa's heart stops she looks down at her hand enclosed in Clarke soft hands then looks at her blue eyes.

"Lexa, I'm the bride, can't you give me a gift I really want."

"I'd give you anything," The words come out of Lexa's lips before she could stop them, this is why she can't trust herself around her. She loses herself, her stoic self and she might do something as stupid as yesterday that will only break her heart.

Clarke's heart flutters, Lexa always knows how to dismantle her. "Then kiss me," She asks again boldly and completely sober looking at Lexa's plump lips.

Lexa jolts back suddenly, freeing her sweaty hand from Clarke's hold, "I'm sorry, I can't." She doesn’t know why Clarke is doing this. She feels used, Clarke is clearly sober and asking her to kiss her while barely minutes ago she told her she regrets it.

Clarke takes a step forward and whispers "Please" eyes blurred by tears. She doesn’t know what took her, maybe the realization of having kissed Lexa but not remembering anything of it or maybe it is because she knows she won’t be able to do it. She needs a closure, a closure she didn't have ten years ago. 

She needs to stop thinking about kissing Lexa something she doubts she will do especially now she knows it happened but doesn’t remember the taste of her lips.

She wants to try and maybe this time if she kisses her she will figure out what she wants from her. Maybe if she kisses her she won't think about it anymore.

She needs and wants it for so many reasons that her brain accepts it as something totally ok. Ok about the idea of kissing your ex best friend future sister in law. What a long heavy title to bear.

Lexa cannot help the gasp that leaves her lips, she muffles it quickly pressing her lips together. The sight of Clarke's blue eyes filled with tears is somehow twistedly beautiful as much as heart breaking. 

She remembers like it was yesterday when she swore to protect Clarke years and years ago, she was always the one to do it before life tore them apart and now she is the one Clarke needs protection from.

Lexa's own eyes well in tears, blurring her vision. Her brain gets blurred too by the pain she feels at the newly acquired guilt she holds for making Clarke's eyes looking so devastatingly torn. She takes the remaining step, closing the distance left between their bodies bringing them almost as their hearts secretly are close.

Their hearts bonded as one years ago.

Clarke lets out a strangled breath when she feels Lexa's strong hand wrap around her waist bringing her closer. She looks at Lexa's lips one last time before closing her eyes slowly causing her tears to spill down on her cheeks.

She wants to feel this kiss, to memorize it but then she feels Lexa's plump lips pushing against her nose tenderly and she lets out a sob and her eyes open looking at Lexa's green eyes.

"I'm sorry. Finn!" Lexa lets out taking a step back before she loses herself completely. Clarke's heart crashes, she takes a step back and nods looking down at her white dress feeling a embarrassed.

Lexa feels uncomfortable too at rejecting Clarke that way, Finn is the reason keeping her from taking the woman she loves, and showing her what love is. But she can’t possibly do the same mistake again. It would be only shattering for her, she even feels a little bit used by Clarke even if she knows that she would never use her.

Unfortunately, she can’t help feeling this way mostly because Clarke keeps on pushing her, regretting and making her regret too whatever happens between them.

“Can you save me a dance at least?” Clarke asks out of nowhere.

Lexa looks astounded at her, she doesn’t think she would be able to dance with Clarke on her wedding day and not _their_ wedding day. Will she even be sober enough to remember? She highly doubts it. She looks into Clarke’s eyes and sees that the blonde’s request is genuine.

“Why don’t we dance now?” Lexa forces a smile on her face trying to be brave enough.

Clarke smiles, Lexa’s suggestion doesn’t sound awful at all. Indeed, it is a great idea they can dance now in their own bubble. Clarke nods and puts her arms around her shoulders while Lexa is having a hard time wrapping her arms back around Clarke’s waist but she manages to do it when she feels Clarke’s reassuring fingers playing with her hair.

They look at each other for a few seconds but what feels like forever for Lexa, she doesn’t know for how long she is able to handle Clarke’s blue eyes staring back at her so she starts moving her body slowly trying to make Clarke move with her.

Clarke smiles letting Lexa lead the dance, there is no music but the sound of their breathing but it doesn’t stop them from dancing.

“It suits you the business woman look,” Clarke says with a smile and Lexa blushes, ‘ _Thank you.’_

She looks back at her with a grin, “ _La robe te va presque aussi bien que celle de ton dixiéme anniversaire."_ (The dress looks almost as good as the one of your tenth birthday.)

Clarke freezes looking surprised, “ _Tu t'en rappelles_ ” (You remember it.) A content smile appears on Clarke’s face.

“ _Biensur,_ ” (Of course,) Lexa replies tugging lightly at Clarke’s waist to make her move again.

“ _Et de mon onxiéme anniversaire aussi,_ ” (And of my eleventh birthday too,) Clarke corrects before resuming their dance.

“ _Et du onxiéme anniversaire de Clarke la têtu,_ ” (And the eleventh birthday of Clarke the stubborn,) Lexa quips with a smile causing Clarke to stop again and tap on her shoulder playfully, " _Tu te moques de moi?_ ” (You’re making fun of me?)

“ _Pas du tout, ton entêtement était adorable ce jour-là,_ " (Not at all, your stubbornness was adorable that day,) Lexa replies honestly, reminiscing.

“ _Dommage que je ne puisse dire autant pour le tien,_ ” (Too bad I can’t say the same for yours,) Clarke quips.

" _Je ne suis pas têtu._ " (I’m not stubborn.)

" _Si ! Tu l'étais. Rappel toi j’ai dû exiger un bisou sous prétexte que c’est mon anniversaire et que j’en ai le droit pour que tu as enfin céder._ " (Yes ! You were. Remember, I had to use my birthday as an excuse that I have the right to ask for a kiss, for you to finally give in.)

“ _C’était mon premier baisé,_ ” (It was my first kiss,) Lexa lets out before she can stop herself then blushes realizing she never told anyone about her first kiss and Clarke was too young to acknowledge that it was indeed her first kiss too.

Clarke frowns then it hits her, “ _En effet, ça l'était._ " (Indeed, it was.)

“ _Pourquoi ça ne l’était pas pour toi?_ ” (Why it wasn’t for you?) Lexa asks confused.

“ _Si…si! C’est juste que…rien,_ ” (Yes…yes! It’s just that….nothing,) Clarke dismisses.

“ _Tu étais ma première,_ ” (You were my first,) Lexa reassures her making her heart ache, she can’t help feeling the sadness in Lexa’s voice. She cups her face with one hand while the other is still around her shoulders and brushes her thumb gently under Lexa’s lips in a curve to draw smile.

Lexa looks into Clarke’s eyes and it feels almost like on Clarke’s eleventh birthday. Clarke in a white dress, Clarke asking her a kiss with an excuse except now everything is different. It’s not simply Clarke’s birthday but her wedding to someone else, to Finn.

Lexa takes Clarke’s hand in hers and moves it away from her face looking everywhere but in her blue eyes. As much as she loves her _\- she is willingly stepping over her own happiness for her -_ she can’t give her what she wants. It hurts and it is difficult for her to not want more whenever she is with her. She can’t smile and pretend that she is happy, she is not. She is dying from the inside and nothing can stop it now especially not sweet stolen moments like that, they only urge the process faster.

"What’s wrong?” Clarke asks her hand still in Lexa’s. Lexa shakes her head, “I don’t understand why you keep asking me to kiss you and regret it later.”

Clarke blushes, “So it was real, it wasn’t my imagination.”

“It was,” Lexa nods. “I’m sorry for your lip, I got carried away,” She says letting Clarke’s hand free but Clarke doesn’t let go of her yet. She takes her hand back firmly in hers. “I didn’t regret it, what I regret is not remembering it,” Clarke surprises herself replying making Lexa’s heartbeat race.

Lexa studies Clarke’s face trying to get the meaning of her words without being played once again and getting her hopes up and finally takes a step back saying, “I should go.”

“Wait!” Clarke again stops her, “do you regret it?”

Lexa shakes her head, “It doesn’t matter if I regret it or not, Clarke. You’re the one who keeps asking me to kiss you then says that you regret it you should ask yourself, not me.”

“You could have said no, it takes two to kiss,” Clarke replies defensively and Lexa sighs nervously, “I really have to go.”

“Of course, you keep running away,” Clarke adds.

Lexa knits her eyebrows looking back at Clarke. “I’m the one running? Clarke you’re in your wedding dress and you were asking me to kiss you! Do you even know what you want?” Lexa fires back anger clear in her tone.

Indeed, Clarke doesn’t know what she wants so she keeps silent. Whenever she is with Lexa she wants her, she wants to kiss her yet she refuses to listen to her heart afraid what she might hear.

“What do you want from me?” Lexa asks with a broken voice, “what do you want from us?” Clarke’s heart breaks. Lexa is right she is just hurting both Lexa and Finn. She didn’t realize until now that she was playing both of them. She gulps looking away, it really is selfish of her to want both of them.

“I’m sorry.”

Clarke cannot possibly tell her that all she keeps thinking about is her and she wants the kiss her to somehow give her an answer, help her to figure out her feelings.

“So am I. It’s best if we stop this…whatever we’re doing,” Lexa forces the words out, “It’s not fair for Finn, it is cheating.”

Lexa leaves Clarke speechless, she knows the best for her is to not engage in anything with Clarke anymore especially that she doesn’t know what she wants and it is only hurting Lexa.

The words make sense but tug painfully at Clarke’s heart. It felt wrong to ask Lexa for a kiss but she felt like she needed it. It didn’t feel like, ‘ _cheating._ ’ as she told her.

Lexa decides to keep a low profile until everything goes back to normal and if Clarke won’t take the job, she will try and find a solution to avoid having to interact with her.

**2 Days to the wedding; Anya’s office;**

Anya spent almost an hour telling Lexa about what happened between her and Raven the other night at the club. Lexa doesn’t know what to say to comfort her best friend. Raven’s reaction was maybe not the one Anya was hoping for but at least she was honest with her.

“So what now?”

“Nothing, we’re back to being us,” Anya explains in a morose tone.

“Can you be her best friend and ignore your feelings just like that?” Lexa asks knowing that it won’t be possible, she is a living proof of it. She keeps losing herself in Clarke.

“I guess I don’t have a choice,” Anya shrugs then Raven knocks once on the door’s frame and joins them.

“Morning ladies,” Raven lets out with a smile. Both Lexa and Any greet her back and keep silent expecting her to say something which makes her uncomfortable because she feels like they were talking about her and Anya.

“So! What’s up?” Raven asks looking between her two best friends.

Anya shifts uncomfortably while Lexa stands up ready to leave, “Sorry I’ve to go back to work.” She looks at Anya giving her a reassuring smile than at Raven and adds, “…see you at the conference room”.

Lexa walks out of Anya’s office giving them some space hoping that they will find a way back to each other despite Anya’s confusing feelings. She cannot ignore them, they will keep coming back to the surface.

When Lexa gets into her office she finds Finn waiting for her looking not so much himself.

“I’ve been waiting for about an hour, I need the envelope,” Finn says angrily and Lexa’s heart shifts.

“Finn! Is everything alright?”

“I said I need the fucking envelope,” Finn snaps at her.

“Why the hurry?” Lexa asks again, “I thought you want to leave it for after the wedding.”

“Just give it to me Alex!”

“Give me a minute,” Lexa replies before complying. As soon as he grabs the envelope from her hands, he walks out without saying anything further which surprises Lexa but not in the good way. She doesn’t remember a time when he talked to her like that not even once.

**********

Anya looks at Raven without meeting her eyes, she doesn’t know why Raven came to her office and now she is just staring at the walls looking clueless.

“Do you need anything in particular?” Anya asks curious. Raven looks back at her and smiles nervously, “Not really.”

“Don’t you have work to do?” Anya tries again.

“Alright, I'm here to ask you something but please don’t look at me like you’re doing now…I don’t wanna regret it,” Raven warns.

“Say what you have to say Raven, I don’t have all day.”

“Alright, I was thinking about the wedding and I thought that it would be cool to go together,” Raven says wincing.

Anya lets out a nervous chuckle not sure what Raven means, “Together?”

“Yeah, you and me,” Raven gestures between the two of them.

“Raven, it's the wedding of our best friend. Of course we’ll be there together and if you mean you need a drive…it’s ok! Just don’t make us late.”

“Fuck, I feel stupid now,” Raven blurts out, “that’s not what I meant”.

Anya looks at and asks nervously, “What do you mean then?”

“I mean like a date”.

“A what?” Anya gawks at her.

“A date,” Raven repeats bravely.

“A wedding of a best friend is not a date, Raven,” Anya replies, “and what made you change your mind anyway?”

Raven shrugs with a nervous smile, “I don’t know, I just think that we should give it a try”.

“Thank you, I really appreciate but I don’t think that it's a good idea…I mean trying to date because of what I said”.

Raven’s smile falls, she clearly wasn’t expecting rejection.

“Well, I’ve work to do. See you later,” She says leaving Anya’s office without looking back.

**1 Day to the wedding; At Finn’s apartment;**

Abby goes back to Finn’s apartment hands full with grocery bags. When she knocks, Finn opens the door and doesn’t even look at her or offers to help. He rushes back to his bedroom. Abby puts the bags in the kitchen and walks to Finn’s bedroom she finds the door open and Finn packing in a rush.

“What are you doing?” Abby asks startling Finn.

“Nothing,” He replies without looking at her.

“It clearly is something,” Abby comments then when she sees that he is not going to answer her she adds, “I’m going to make lunch, wanna join me?”

“No, thanks. I’ve some urgent matters to deal with,” He replies then looks at her intently, “you know something I don’t, don’t you?”

“About what?” Abby gulps.

“What happened in Clarke’s bachelorette party?”

“They got drunk so we had to leave early, that’s all,” Abby shrugs.

“You left your own daughter drunk and she got banged or whatever and came back home to me looking like trash,” Finn spits out accusingly.

Abby looks back at him astonished and before she can say anything Finn asks, “Do you know who it is?”

“She didn’t get banged…she was just drunk,” Abby defends her daughter not liking Finn’s accusations.

“So you know what happened,” Finn states. “That’s why you left her alone in the room with Alex and…” Before finishing what he was saying Abby interrupts him.

“We know Lexa from back when she was in France, Finn. She was Clarke’s best friend that’s all,” Finn looks hurt even more than he was before Abby told him, he whispers a, ‘ _Thank you._ ’ and leaves.

**At Lexa’s mansion;**

Clarke paces in the guest room feeling lost. She had never felt this way in her life, she wanted two things at the same time or so she thinks. She wanted someone to help her figuring out everything toying with her mind now but she knows no one is good enough, Jake would have known what to tell her.

At the thought of her father, tears start rolling down her cheeks. It would have been different if she listened to him. If she looked for Lexa as her father told her before dying, nothing would be the same now. She won’t be put in this position, she won’t be questioning her wedding and her feelings for Lexa.

She tries to calm herself, stop crying and thinks for a moment then decides to take the matter in her hands and stop lying. The best way to deal with this is to talk to Finn and maybe she will figure it out. She needs to be honest with him and tell him everything, absolutely everything. She takes her phone and dials his number.

**********

Lexa walks through her mansion with hurried steps, Abby just called her and said that she will be in her place in five minutes to talk about an emergency. This cannot be something good. All she hopes is that it has to do with some decoration or preparations anything but Clarke and Finn even if she knows deep down that it has to be something about them otherwise Abby won’t come all the way from Finn’s apartment.

“Abby!”

“Can we go somewhere we can talk in private,” Abby asks Lexa who nods, “Follow me”.

The two women walk to Lexa’s office where Abby is the one closing the door after them to make sure that no one would hear them.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa is the first one to speak too worried to wait. She knows something is wrong.

“Finn left,” Abby says and Lexa’s eyebrows knit, "Left? What do you mean he left?”

“I saw him packing and leaving his place…I thought maybe he was coming here but then I saw his suit, the rings I mean he left everything related to the wedding at his place”.

“Did you try and talk to him?”

“Yes, but he wasn't receptive”.

Lexa looks at Abby in disbelief, “Do you think…he knows?” Abby nods with an apologetic smile.

Lexa sighs and starts pacing thoughtfully in her office, then stops and looks at her, “Does Clarke know? I mean…maybe she told him or…Do you think it's because of me? Of what I did?”

Lexa is horrified at the idea of losing her brother and Abby is trying to talk to her but she won’t listen she keeps talking, “I don’t think it’s Clarke…I talked to her but she clearly has no clue of what she wants….well clearly she wants Finn and…God!”

“Lexa,” Abby tries again louder this time and succeeds in having her attention, “you need to calm down”.

“I’ll try and find him meanwhile you need to keep Clarke safe,” Abby smiles at Lexa, the brunette loves her daughter just like when they were kids. She cares for her safety above anything.

Abby gets out of Lexa’s office and walks to the guest room where Clarke is.

“Mom? I thought you’re having lunch with Finn,” She looks at her mother approaching then adds, “Where's Finn?”

“He said he has a few things to do, so I didn’t bother cooking,” Abby lies.

**********

Lexa keeps calling Finn and looking for him but to no avail then she remembers that he was nervous the other day when he came to her office building to get his envelope. Somehow she feels a little bit relieved thinking that it may be about what he found in the envelope and not the truth about her and Clarke which made him disappear.

The only places Lexa didn’t look for him at are Anya’s and Raven’s apartments because she doesn’t want her two best friends to know that something is wrong. She knows they will figure it out and blame her. But as the hours go by and Abby keeps calling to see if there’s anything new, Lexa starts to seriously freak out and decides to first try at Raven’s place.

When Raven opens the door she is surprised and happy to find that it is Lexa who is knocking.

“Finally!”

Lexa smiles at her best friend, Raven seems worried but not angry at her which is a good sign.

“Is Finn here?”

“Yeah,” Raven replies worried.

“Can I come in?” Lexa asks hesitantly.

“Of course,” Raven replies stepping back so Lexa gets in. She walks into her best friend’s apartment then when she sees a bag on the floor she looks at Raven, “Is it his bag?” Raven nods seriously. Lexa could tell she knows something or she is at least suspecting something but she is just trying to be neutral.

“Did he say something?”

Raven shakes her head, “He won’t talk to me”.

As soon as Finn sees Lexa, he spits out, “Leave me alone!”

When Raven hears Finn’s reaction and his harsh tone she decides to take a walk and give them some privacy.

“No, I won’t,” Lexa replies firmly sitting next to him on the couch then adds, "Why aren’t you answering your calls?” Finn avoids to meet her eyes.

“You’re drunk,” She states smelling the alcohol, “Tomorrow is your wedding and you’re drunk”.

“I said Leave.Me.Alone,” He repeats angrily.

“I can’t, you’re my brother, Finn”.

“Brother?” Finn lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Is it how you treat your brother? You betray him?"

“What are you talking about?” Lexa’s heart stops but she acts like she doesn’t know what he is talking about.

“You love Clarke,” He says meeting her eyes for the first time since she stepped in, “am I wrong?”

“You’re marrying Clarke, she is your fiancé. You’re marrying her,” Lexa doesn’t reply to Finn, instead she chooses to point the obvious but she doesn't dare to meet his eyes.

“No, I’m not. Not anymore”.

“What?” Lexa quickly manages to recollect herself from the shock.

“You heard me”.

“No, I didn’t and you're not leaving Clarke at the altar just because I love her,” Lexa blurts out in panic, “she chose you”.

“She didn’t have to choose that’s why,” Finn replies not surprised by what Lexa said.

“What?”

“I know Alex, I know everything,” Finn says.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologizes.

“You know what? Out of everyone, Abby is the only one who has some respect for me. She didn’t lie to me and she had the decency to tell me the truth. She respects me unlike you” He lets out accusingly.

“Don’t say that,” Lexa replies.

“It’s the truth”.

“No, it's not. I respect and love you. You’re my family, my brother”.

“I’m not,” Finn’s jaw grit, “it’s not how it feels. You’re just like Gustus, a selfish liar…manipulative who loves to control everyone around her. You could have told me, you know?”

Finn’s words hit Lexa hard, harder than anything. Before she can say something to defend herself, Finn lets out harshly, “Leave!”

“I…please Finn. You can hate me all you want but don’t hurt Clarke, don’t leave her. She needs you...I’ll disappear, I’ll do anything just don’t ruin your wedding because of me….All I wanted to do is protect you,” Lexa stutters feeling like she is going crazy, tears running down her cheeks.

Finn laughs angrily, “Protect me? Are you kidding me? You love her so much, you’re afraid that I might hurt her when leaving. Alex, you love her so much you’re willing to protect her at the expense of your own happiness. You’re begging me, Alex! Are you even aware of how deep you’re? You’re sacrificing us, our bond our family just because you love her!”

“No, I’m not,” Lexa shakes her head wiping her tears.

“Yes you’re…you just said you would disappear. Is it how you’re protecting me? Do I mean that little to you? She means the world to you even more than your own family and yourself. Unbelievable!” Finn shakes his head in disbelief, “now you can dance with her outdoors without having to hide”.

Lexa’s eyes widen she can’t believe what she is hearing, she is barely able to believe what’s happening when Finn speaks again he breaks her heart, “and if you have at least one tiny bit of respect or love left for me, _leave_!”

**The wedding day; Lexa’s mansion;**

Raven’s eyes bulge, she never thought she would look at Anya this way. She never thought she would see Anya looking so gorgeous.

“Hey,” She smiles at her best friend, shamelessly eyeing her from head to toe.

“Hi,” Anya smiles back at her.

“You look…spectacular!”

Anya blushes not expecting to hear Raven complimenting her, “Thank you”. She wants to tell Raven that she looks gorgeous too but decides to keep it for herself, things are weird enough between them.

Raven smiles at her lovingly then looks away, and sees Lexa coming and feels grateful, she needs distraction anything that can help her keep her eyes away from Anya.

“Lexa,” Raven lets out comforted by Lexa’s presence.

“Raven, is Finn still at your place?” Lexa asks warily.

“No,” Raven replies, “I thought he left with you yesterday?”

“Thanks,” Lexa says before leaving again. Raven was about to follow her to ask what’s wrong when she hears a waitress flirting with Anya. Truth be told, when Anya first admitted to her that she is interested in her more than just friendly, she felt weird and it took her by surprise a little bit but then she sat with herself and thought about it. She never looked or thought at Anya like that, she was her straight best friend. She never saw her eyeing other women or saw her flirting with any. Sure, Raven checked her out and made comments about her butt from time to time but it was only friendly banter or so she thought at the time.

It all made sense to her, the constant bickering was due to the sexual tension pending between the two of them. She felt stupid for not figuring it out by herself and asking her out or just engaging in something with her.

Then, entertaining the idea of Anya with someone else somehow made her feel something unpleasant. She realized, she wouldn’t want Anya to be with someone else. She hated all of Anya’s boyfriends, and she is sure she will hate all her girlfriends now that Anya is showing some interest in women.

Everything was a little bit less confusing and started to make sense for Raven which is why she tried and asked Anya to go to the wedding together but Anya refused and Raven felt a little bit hurt and now she is looking all gorgeous and Raven can’t bring herself think straight.

She takes a deep breath thinking that she has to be subtle and show Anya that she really is interested in her too and she wants to give it a try. She regrets her reaction back at the club when Anya told her.

**********

Clarke is standing in her white dress looking stunning. She can see from the window that everything is ready and all the guests are down there waiting and now her mother is telling her that Finn won’t come, that Finn left, that Finn knows everything. She can’t bring herself to react, she stands there by the window speechless.

“Clarke, honey! Let’s get you out of that dress,” Abby pleads her daughter but Clarke is not listening to her anymore. She takes her phone and tries to call Finn, over and over again stubbornly choosing to not believe what her mother just told her or maybe she just hopes that Finn will tell her something but to no avail.

Clarke is in denial. How could Finn do that to her? Leave without even talking to her, she was ready to confide in him as her partner, her future husband but he left her at the alter.

Octavia gets in the room and walks towards Abby and whispers, “Abby, you should be down there help Lexa with the guests”.

“Would you stay?” Abby asks Octavia who nods.

Octavia doesn’t know how to approach Clarke who is now staring in consternation at the window. But she does, she puts lightly her hand on her back and rubs it soothingly trying to get Clarke’s attention back to reality and it works. Clarke looks back at her best friend and lets out with a broken voice, “What did I do?”

Octavia stares back at Clarke not knowing what to answer, “You told him about the kiss?”

Clarke shuts her eyes close and shakes her head, “No, I wanted to but-“ She walks to the couch and sits before resuming, “He didn’t pick up my calls.”

“What do you want now, Clarke?” Octavia asks warily, she knows it is too early to ask her best friend this question but she needs her to understand that despite the awful and painful move Finn did, it was a good decision for both of them especially for her if she keeps going after Lexa.

“I need my dad with me,” Clarke says out of nowhere, “He always knew how to comfort me”.

Octavia's heart breaks, she didn’t want Clarke to feel more terrible she wanted to help her figure out things.

“What would he tell you? What would he do?”

Clarke smiles as tears start flowing down her cheeks, “He loved Lexa…he would tell me to choose her”.

“Good! So what happened today is a good thing, Clarke. You clearly still have feelings for her, don’t be stupid. Now, I should tell you ‘ _you should have talked to her, to Finn too and let the truth out’_ but now is not the time for the ‘ _I told you so’_ Now is the time to get your shit together and do the right thing for you, be selfish…seek your own happiness but before you do that try and make things right with Finn”.

Clarke looks at her best friend and hugs her, she spends a considerable time crying in her arms before she let her help her getting out of the white dress.

**********

Lexa gathers all of her strength to tell the guests that the wedding is cancelled, it is not the easiest task but she has to do it. It is the least she can do after all. She walks to her two best friends first.

“I need your help, Finn left. There’s no wedding and now I need to tell everyone,” Lexa says in one breath making both Raven and Anya’s eyes bulge.

“What?” Raven lets out, “what did you tell him? What did you do Lexa?” Both Anya and Raven looks at her accusingly, “He was fine just yesterday”.

“No, he was not,” Lexa replies while Anya is looking at them confused. Abby sees the three friends talking intensely and walks towards them, just as she arrives she hears Lexa asking aggravated, “Are you going to help me or not?”

Raven says nothing and leaves, Abby frowns, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Lexa sighs. “I can’t do it by myself, I need help!”

Anya looks at Lexa angrily and says, “I'm going to help you Lexa but later you have to tell me the truth and what was Raven talking about and why she's blaming you for what’s happening?”

Lexa takes a deep breath and nods, “Thank you!”

Abby, Anya and Lexa did their best and informed all the guests that the wedding was called off. They politely apologized for not having all the answers to the guests’ questions then when they have finished and there was only the two of them in the gardens, Lexa felt Anya grip at her wrist.

“Now you have to tell me what’s going on, Lexa?” Anya demands firmly.

“Not now, please! I need to see how Clarke is doing?”

“You love her,” Anya states, “I was right, wasn’t I?”

Anya doesn’t need her to answer. She knows she is right, she never saw Lexa’s eyes brighten up like when she is around Clarke. She never saw Lexa having heart eyes for anyone but for Clarke.

Lexa keeps silent, she feels ashamed at hiding the truth from her best friend, she looks away not meeting Any'as eyes feeling her own eyes welling in tears, “She's the love of my life”.

Anya lets her best friend’s wrist free and wipes the tears away from her face, “I’ll leave and come back tomorrow so we can talk or I can stay if you need me”.

Lexa can’t help herself stepping closer to Anya and hugging her, “Thank you for everything.” She feels grateful at having Anya’s support even if she lied to her even when she confronted her about it.

“Of course, what are friends for?” Anya replies smiling at her.

**********

Lexa knocks lightly at the guest room’s door when Abby opens it and let her in. The sight is devastating, Clarke is sitting only in her undies on the couch curled, eyes red and her mascara smudged all over her face. She is crying, Lexa feels her heart aching.

Abby looks at Lexa and gives her a swift nod before leaving the two women some privacy.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa says as she gets into the guest room.

“Why?” Clarke looks up at her, eyes filled with anger, “did you know I’ll get jilted on my wedding day?”

Lexa doesn’t know what to respond frankly at that without making Clarke angrier than she already is.

“What did you tell him? That I was cheating?” Clarke keeps asking questions that Lexa doesn’t know how to answer.

“I think he saw us dancing together,” Lexa says omitting the part that Abby is the one who confirmed his doubts. She doesn’t want Clarke to blame her mother, the only family member she has left.

“Finn would never do that, he would come and talk to me,” Clarke disagrees.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologizes again sitting next to her to comfort her but Clarke moves away from her touch.

“I’m fine, don’t touch me,” Clarke sobs and Lexa feels her heart breaking. She tried to comfort Clarke but it seems that she was only making things worse feeling guilty for all what happened. So despite feeling the need to be at Clarke’s sides and comfort her, Lexa knew that she has to give her some space.

Later that day, Clarke finally receives a text from Finn apologizing for leaving her at the alter saying that he couldn’t do it after what happened between her and Lexa, he couldn’t look at her or Lexa, and that he will need some time before he can talk about it.

His text makes Clarke cry only harder realizing that she hurt him, she hurt the man who loves and protects her. The man who was there for her when she had no one.

**The next day;**

Lexa walks to the kitchen to take a cup of coffee, today she is not going to work, today she is not even sticking to her usual schedule and today she doesn’t care about anything but the pain she is feeling. She can't help thinking that she should have listened to Titus when he told her to not let the past affect her future. She never meant for things to go as horrible as they did yesterday.

Everyone in the mansion spend a restless night, Lexa couldn’t close her eyes thinking about Finn and Clarke. She doesn’t know what she should do or not being the main reason for yesterday events.

Finn’s words were haunting her all night long, she could handle all the possible insults but being like her father. She tries to push the thoughts away, Finn maybe heartbroken and angry at her now but Clarke is the one being left. It broke her heart to see Clarke crying and it hurt her even more because she had no power to sooth her pains.

“Good morning,” Lexa is brought back from her thoughts by Abby’s voice.

“How is she?” Lexa asks worried, all she cares about is Clarke.

“Asleep”.

“Good,” Lexa nods before adding, “I’ll have all the decorations removed today”.

“No need to hurry, we’re leaving,” Abby replies breaking Lexa’s heart.

“She took the job,” Lexa states.

“It’s not just that, she has nothing left here,” Abby shakes her head then realizes what she just said. She could see pain in Lexa’s eyes so she quickly rectifies, “I mean, she doesn’t have where to stay. After all, it is Finn’s apartment”.

Lexa nods appreciative of Abby’s rectification. “She can stay here! You can,” Lexa suggests.

“I don’t think it's a good idea, Lexa,” Abby disagrees.

“I've a place downtown, it's small but it fits the two of you”.

“Thank you Lexa but Clarke needs to be somewhere else,” Abby smiles at Lexa apologetically, she knows the brunette is feeling down and seeing Clarke leave again will tear her heart apart but she can’t be a mother to both of them. She needs to be Clarke’s mother for now.

Lexa looks down at her hands fidgeting nervously at her coffee cup then looks back up at Abby tears blurring her green eyes. “Thank you for doing that, for letting me know,” Lexa lets out with a shaky voice.

“I did it so you can have your goodbye. I know Clarke maybe angry now and blaming you but don’t let her push you away. She's hurt and processing everything that happened. She needs time to heal,” Abby explains trying to reassure Lexa, “you should talk to her before we leave”.

“I’m the last person she wants to see,” Lexa whispers with a shaky voice.

“Time will heal the wounds,” Abby tries to comfort her but she only makes it worse.

“Twenty years yet it didn’t for us,” She shakes her head.

“Here! Take this, you might need it one day,” Abby pushes a folded paper in Lexa’s hand who opens it then looks back at her with a soft smile.

“Thank you,” Lexa says wrapping her arms around Abby’s shoulders gratefully.

Lexa’s hug takes Abby by surprise, she wasn’t expecting it from her knowing that she never was good with showing her emotions. The least Abby could do is not let the two stubborn girls do the same mistake again.

“Keep it safe, I know you’ll need it,” Abby winks at Lexa once she lets go of her.

“I will, soon,” Lexa replies confidently.

Lexa went back to her bedroom feeling slightly better as now and this time around she has Abby at her side and it feels good and a little bit comforting after losing her brother. She knows she will have to give him some time to recover before she tries and apologizes and get him back in her life.

Lexa doesn’t want to push her luck with Clarke. She knows Clarke blames her for all what happened and she has the right to and that’s why she decides to not go and tell her goodbye even if she is dying in the inside.

In the other part of the mansion, Clarke is pacing in the guest room debating whether is it a good idea to talk to Lexa before they leave or not. Then, she remembers the last time they left one another without saying goodbye and she couldn’t bring herself do the same mistake again.

After all she knows she loves Lexa, she knows she wants her even if right now she doesn’t want to see her. She is too angry to deal with her but she can’t help herself walking in the direction of her bedroom.

She knocks lightly at the door of Lexa’s room to let her presence known then walks in, when her eyes meet Lexa she blinks a few times. Lexa just showered and blow dried her hair which is now cascading on her right shoulder and the sight is breathtaking.

Clarke doesn’t miss the redness in Lexa’s green eyes, she looks tired and in pain just like she is feeling. She feels guilty at thinking that she is the only one suffering. Clearly, Lexa lost what she has left of a family.

However, she can’t help staring silently at her then her lips curl in a barely noticeable smile and Lexa feels something warming her heart. She knows she shouldn’t feel like that because Clarke is leaving.

“When do you leave?” She lets out softly.

“Now,” Clarke replies in an apologetic tone. Lexa nods taking a few steps ahead and so does Clarke, they need to be closer.

“I'm sorry,” The words come out of Clarke’s heart for no reason. For many reasons and Lexa just ignores them.

“Don’t be. You've to go back to your life”.

Clarke smiles at her, she wasn’t apologizing for leaving she was apologizing for everything that happened to them, everything that led them to where they are now. A silence settles, a comfortable one they both need to drink the sight of each other for a moment. Clarke is looking at Lexa’s features and then her eyes trails Lexa’s hair, she wants to caress it, it looks beautiful but her thoughts are interrupted when Lexa breaks the silence.

“I never meant to turn you into this, I hoped you’d stay but-“ Lexa shrugs and before she can continue Clarke interrupts, “I can’t but maybe someday you and I…we can be friends again, we can overcome this.” She gestures between the two of them at the invisible yet so palpable tension caused by the pain and desire.

Lexa smiles weakly at the idea. “I hope so,” She lets out in a shaky voice, her eyes full of unshed tears. She pushes her hand for Clarke to shake as they used to do when they were kids, Clarke looks down at her hand and smiles she takes it then hears Lexa, “May we meet again”.

Her eyes widen looking at green teary eyes despite the tears blurring them she could see something so familiar, something strong and beautiful evoking her.

Lexa is the one to close the distance, not letting go of Clarke’s hand while with her other hand she cups her face pressing her lips gently against Clarke’s. The kiss is gentle at first, Lexa doesn’t want to scare Clarke away. She needs her to read the kiss, to understand the emotions behind it, the apologies, the love, the missing, everything. But then she feels something wet against her cheek and she realizes, ’ _Clarke is crying._ ’ She parts from the kiss looking into her blue eyes.

If Clarke came to her to say goodbye she might as well let her know.

“I love you, Clarke,” She says it remembering Abby’s words about the fact that a kiss is not enough.

Clarke looks at Lexa’s eyes and she can’t bring herself to react, Lexa just told her that she loves her and this is all she wished for and now she has to leave. Lexa wipes Clarke’s tear away and cups her face showering it with tender kisses before reconnecting their lips once again.

This time, the kiss lasts longer and Clarke is reciprocating, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s shoulders and deepening the kiss. When Lexa finally pulls back she whispers against her lips, “Stay, please.” Clarke feels an ache in her heart and steps back.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m not ready,” She stutters shaking her head, “not yet.” She smiles weakly at Lexa who nods, “I’ll wait”.


	11. Chapter 11

**Two months later ; France;**

**The Griffin’s household;**

It has been two months since the wedding was called off, it has been two months since Clarke heard Lexa say the words and it has been also two months since the last time Clarke talked to Finn.

She took the best move for herself which was leaving behind the place where everything crashed down to take her time and sort out all her feelings but the thing is Clarke feels nothing but numbness. She can’t put a word on how she is feeling right now and the two months have not been very helpful.

When she got back home in France she decided to not take the job because all she found herself doing was repeating the same mistakes again. She was not going to go aboard, and run away from everything in her life and throw herself from a situation to another. She needed to feel grounded again. She needed a boring routine that may help her and give her the time to think properly about what happened with her and Finn.

Finn. Clarke tried to get in touch with him several times but in vain. She wanted to apologize for not telling him the truth, she wanted to talk to him because she missed him and she felt bad at not being honest with him from the beginning.

The most infuriating thing for Clarke is not the missing nor the numbness, no. It is the fact that all she keeps thinking about is Lexa. Lexa’s last words and the kiss, the kisses she gave her. They were different from any other kiss or words she ever received.

She tried to not think about her, she even asked her mother to not talk about Lexa unless she wants it herself. Of course, it is hard for Abby to not talk about her while they were texting almost on a daily basis.

In addition to that, Lexa sent a letter every week. Letters that kept piling up in Clarke’s room.

The first letter was the hardest one to receive.

**_Two weeks after the wedding;_ **

**_France;_ **

_Two weeks after going back to France, Clarke receives a letter from Lexa. She wasn’t expecting it at all. Instead of opening it, Clarke kept staring at it for a long moment until Abby was back from work._

_“I got a letter from Lexa!” Clarke lets out._

_“What does it say?” Abby asks curious, Lexa did not tell her that she sent Clarke a letter.._

_“I don’t know,” Clarke replies tearing her eyes away from the letter for the first time._

_“Well, read it.”_

_“I can’t,” Clarke shakes her head, “I’m not…ready.”_

_Abby sighs and sits next to Clarke on the couch, “It’s not a marriage proposal, Clarke. It’s just a letter from the girl you love.”_

_“You don’t know that, mom,” Clarke disagrees stupidly._

_“Yes, I know you’re just too stupid and stubborn to see it you girls are made for each other,” Abby replies confidently knowing that Clarke loves Lexa._

_Clarke takes a deep breath then whispers, “What if she regrets telling me the words?”_

_Abby rolls her eyes, “Honey, Lexa is not a girl who easily opens up and if she did and told you she loves you it is not going to change in a fortnight.”_

_Clarke smiles weakly then she hears Abby again, “Do you want me to text her?”_

_“No, no,” Clarke replies hastily._

_“Good, then read it and I’m gonna take a shower. Tell me about it later,” Abby says before leaving._

_Clarke doesn’t have the gut to read it, she feels like the envelope is pressuring her to think about things she is not ready for. She spends a restless night weighting her choices. She can’t help herself soaking her pillow that night, she cries because her life is a mess._

_She cries because she misses Lexa and feels somehow guilty for it. She doesn’t want to be weak and fall right back in her arms, she wants to be strong and take the right decision and most importantly she wants to give herself time._

_So instead of reading it, the next morning Clarke puts the letter in front of her as a reminder and starts writing Lexa back. It is not an answer to Lexa’s letter obviously but a sort of explanation._

_My dear Lexa;_

_I got your letter yesterday. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to read it. Or maybe I know and I just don’t want to admit loudly to myself nor to my mom. Maybe I can do it here._

_The reason is that I know your words are going to touch me and that it is going to cloud my decision and shake all my plans. I know perfectly well that the minute I finish reading your words I would be flying right back to you and I don’t want it. I don’t want to do things for people’s sake!_

_I never loved Finn the way I loved you yet I crossed the ocean and said yes to him just because I felt safe with him. So can you just imagine what I would be willing to do for you? It scares me to think about it. I never did this with you even if my father asked me to, because I was hurt and I never really forgave you, I thought you abandoned me._

_I’m deeply sorry for what happened to us, to the way life separated us at a vulnerable age, we were young and clearly our separation got the best of us. It is probably one of the things I regret the most in my life. It would have been different if I tried to get in touch with you like dad instructed me to do. I hope you’ll forgive me one day because I know he was important to you too._

_I’m sorry for not reading your letter. I do want to but I need time and I hope as you promised me that you will wait because I really want to have you in my life. I’m just afraid that I’ll ruin us like I ruined me and Finn._

_You were right Lexa, I don’t even know what I want. It has nothing to do with you nor Finn, I can’t compare one to another because you both own a dear place in my heart and all I’ve received is love and friendship from you two._

_I need to figure out what I want in my life, I need to learn when to listen to my heart and when I must think with my brain._

_That’s why I don’t want to open this letter, I know I’ll fall right back in your arms and I may end up doing things for you before even sorting out everything with myself._

_Also, I really don’t want to rush things, to start something while I still haven’t talked to Finn. I tried but he won’t answer my calls._

_I’m sorry for being such a mess but right now you really deserve better. Please know that I really care about what we have, may have in the future and I don’t want to do it the wrong way, I want it to be perfect just like the way you are. I want to be good to you and not let neither our past, nor Finn nor anything get between the two of us if we ever get together._

_Sincerely yours;_

_Clarke;_

****

_After writing the letter, Clarke read it then folded it and hid it in her bedroom. She was able to write down on a paper her feelings along with apologies but she was not ready to admit them and face the consequences of her words. She’d rather have Lexa oblivion to what was going on in her heart and head. She didn’t want to receive an answer, another letter and she didn’t want to read Lexa, not so soon._

****

**Present time; France;**

**Griffin’s living-room;**

“Bonjour,” (Good morning,) Clarke is startled by her mother’s voice.

Abby has been enjoying having Clarke back at home. They definitely got closer than they have ever been since Jake’s death and Abby is more than happy to be a mother again. Today, she is spending the day at home, she has the day off and that’s why Clarke is cooking her breakfast.

“Bonjour, maman,” (Good morning, mom,) Clarke replies with a smile. Abby walks to her daughter and kisses her.

“I’m going to get the mail,” Abby says before leaving. Once, she is back she looks at Clarke warily, “Clarke, honey there’s another letter from Lexa.”

Clarke forces a smile on her face and nods, “Leave it there and come have breakfast I’ve been cooking for you all morning”.

“You should read them,” Abby comments.

“I will, mom,” Clarke replies.

“When? You’ve almost twenty letters piling up in your room.”

“Six including this one,” Clarke says feeling her heart clenching.

“Exactly, why do you keep ignoring her Clarke?” Abby asks aggravated.

“I’m not ignoring her, I just can’t do it not until I sort things out with Finn,” Clarke shakes her head and Abby suggests, “Then tell her that, call Finn do whatever needs to be done.”

“I will soon”.

Abby sighs, Clarke has been promising her to do it for weeks now but she didn’t. Abby takes her phone and texts Lexa again.

**At Lexa’s mansion;**

It took Lexa few days after Clarke’s departure to get back to her routine. The first week was the hardest for her, all she kept thinking about was going to France and the only thing that kept her from doing it was Finn, or just the thought of him.

She wanted so bad to be with Clarke, just to be around her but she knew that she lost her brother just because they love the same woman, and that she has to at least wait to get him back first, then think about Clarke.

But it was easier said than done, as Finn kept ignoring her phone calls and texts. Of course, it didn’t stop her from trying to reach him from time to time and ask about him her best friends.

By the end of the second week, Lexa got impatient she got used to having her mansion full, Costia was not around anymore, neither was her two best friends nor her brother and Clarke.

The deafening silence filled the walls and all Lexa could hear was the words Finn told her. It became really difficult for her not to reach Clarke. She told her she would wait but it didn’t mean that she couldn’t reach her so she wrote a letter and sent it hoping that Clarke would like it.

However, Abby’s text announced something else. Clarke refused to read her letter and it hurt Lexa a little bit but that didn’t discourage her. She kept sending her letters weekly and each time her letters got to their destination, Abby texted her again saying that Clarke did not open it.

After the first month, Lexa got used to the loneliness again to the point where she avoided meeting Anya at the Grounders for a drink. The only thing that made her feel less lonely was when she took her time and wrote Clarke. Despite knowing that Clarke is not reading her letters and that she might not read the next one, she didn’t stop writing.

They were not love letters, it is true Lexa poured her heart in them but she never asked Clarke anything in them, at least nothing that may break her promise of waiting. She just kept writing things she loved remembering about their past, or just let Clarke know how her days went.

Just like usual, Lexa wakes up thinking about Clarke. The first thing she does is checking her phone and she is not surprised to find Abby’s text. She knows it must be about her last letter. Even if Abby’s text are mostly about Clarke refusing to read the letters, Lexa stupidly hopes that this time she is going to read that Clarke finally read them.

 **Abby:** _I doubt Clarke is willing to read your letters anytime soon. You really should think about taking another initiative if you want her to listen to you. A phone call maybe?_

Lexa reads Abby’s text and feels an ache in her heart, she knows Abby is right but the thing is that her letters are not love letters which request Clarke to take hard decisions or urge her to move on from what happened. They are just a mean to keep in touch with Clarke without pressuring her while waiting for her to be ready.

She decides to write another letter, a last one before taking another initiative as Abby suggested. She will write it later as today she has a meeting with her board and she has to start her morning earlier.

After her usual routine, working out and showering she gets in her office while she is still buttoning up her shirt for a quick video call with Anya.

“Good morning,” Lexa says when Anya appears on her screen sipping her coffee.

“Hey, how are you this morning?”

“Fine, you?” Anya hears Lexa’s voice and can tell that she is not doing as fine as she is pretending.

“It doesn’t sound convincing, Lexa. What’s going on?” Anya asks worried.

“Nothing,” Lexa answers with a sad smile, “Absolutely nothing, that’s the problem”.

“Well maybe you should-“ Lexa doesn’t let Anya finish what she was about to suggest, “How was your date?”

Anya raises her eyebrow then decides to not insist. “Weird,” she says before adding, “Raven was with us.”

“What?”

“Yeah, it feels like she's following me,” Anya replies and Lexa tries hard not to laugh.

“Do you think she is spying on me?” Anya narrows her eyes.

“It won’t be a surprise,” Lexa comments.

“It’s weird, isn’t it? This is our fourth date and each time we bump into her. What’s worse is that yesterday she stayed with us, the whole fucking dinner,” Anya lets out frustrated.

“She did what?” Lexa asks in disbelief, it doesn’t sound like Raven. She knows there must be something happening for her to act so weird but she can’t possibly know, Raven and her are not in really good terms since the wedding day.

“She had dinner with us!” Anya lets out still confused.

“At least she's not ignoring you,” Lexa shrugs missing her best friend.

“How is she doing by the way?”

“Perfectly well, she ruined my date,” Anya replies annoyed.

“Did you talk to her about it?”

“Not yet. I'll after the meeting”.

“About the meeting, are you ready? Do you have everything?” Lexa asks.

Anya rolls her eyes, “Yes, I’ve been ready for a week now.”

“Good, see you at the office then,” Lexa says before ending the call.

Since the wedding day, Raven left and avoided Lexa even at work. She would do the best she can to not attend the meetings unless it is necessary. Lexa tried to talk to her but Raven didn’t really gave her a chance. She was acting like a child, Lexa knew it but she couldn’t blame her. She knows Raven is furiously loyal to Finn and that no matter who was to blame she will always take his side.

**At Raven’s apartment;**

“Go! You’re going to be late”.

Raven rolls her eyes before taking another bite of her pancake, “I’m always late, Finn”.

A week after the wedding, Finn finally showed up at Raven’s door. First, she was angry at him for disappearing so suddenly and not letting her know that he was ok but then she welcomed him with arms wide open.

Finn has been staying or more exactly hiding from everyone at Raven’s place. Lexa doesn’t know, no one knows not even Anya. He asked Raven to respect his will and let him have some peaceful time away from everyone and the drama that ensued after he left Clarke at the altar.

Even if Raven took his side, she didn’t approve with Finn’s behavior. Leaving Clarke at the altar, ‘ _it is the worst thing someone would do, something you don’t wish for your worst enemy’_ She told him. She kept pushing him to do the right thing and talk it out with Clarke. For her Lexa was guiltier than Clarke for what happened because Finn is her brother and he trusted her.

Finn was not willing to admit so easily his fault even if deep down he felt some regret at over reacting and leaving Clarke alone without any explanation except for a text message.

“When are you going to finally come? It has been two months, Finn. You should be bossing us around and maybe change my hours?”

“Let’s be honest! Even if I do you will find a way to be late,” Finn looks at Raven knowingly before adding, “besides I’m not cut for it! It feels like Gustus just wanted to ruin my life”.

“Don’t say that. It’s a good thing at least you have a choice now”.

“I don’t want Alex to know yet I need to understand why did my mom have this? And why Gustus hid it from me?”

“I don’t know, you should take what’s rightfully yours besides Lexa always wanted you to be with her. I don”t think she would mind,” Raven reminds him.

“It’s not about what’s rightfully mine nor about Alex, it’s more complicated than that. I want to have answers first”.

“I think you should start with finding solutions for your real issues, Finn,” Raven suggests.

Finn doesn’t say anything, he stares thoughtfully at his breakfast. He misses his sister, but he is still too angry to see her. As for Clarke, his heart aches whenever he thinks about her or find a missed call from her.

**At Lexa’s office building; conference room;**

“Finally, you’re gracing us with your presence,” Lexa says to Raven in a cold tone.

Raven sits in her place and doesn’t say anything, she knows she is late and she shouldn’t have been especially today for the important meeting. She also knows Lexa is being more than nice to her.

After an extremely tense meeting, Lexa asks Raven to follow her to her office. She wants to ask Raven about Finn knowing how close they are and that after so long she must have heard about him.

As soon as they get into her office Raven lets out, “If it’s about being late-“ Before Raven can say anything else, Lexa interrupts her, “It’s about Finn.”

Raven freezes looking seriously at Lexa, she doesn’t want to lie to her nor to fight. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with it even if she is siding with Finn just because he is Finn.

“I’d rather not,” Raven replies still standing in the middle of Lexa’s office.

“Please, take a seat Raven,” Lexa gestures for her, Raven sits and looks away not meeting Lexa’s eyes.

“I just miss him, I want to know how he is doing? I know you’re mad at me and not ready to listen but I am asking you about my brother and I’m pretty sure he is talking to you,” Lexa explains.

“Ready to listen or not, I’m not the one you should give explanations to anyway!”

“Exactly, that’s why I’ve been looking for him,” Lexa says.

“Why am I here?” Raven asks.

Lexa sighs, “Because I want you to tell him that I miss him! That I’m worried about him and…that I know he hates my guts right now but we gotta talk eventually”.

Raven looks into Lexa’s eyes and lets out, “If you worry so much about him why did you hurt him?”

Lexa’s eyes well with tears, “It never was my intention Raven. If I’ve told him that Clarke…is the one I used to talk to him about he would have cancelled the wedding and step over his own happiness for me.”

Raven looks at her best friend with a glimmer of understanding, Lexa is making sense Finn would do anything for her or anyone he cares about. He is selfless and so is Lexa.

“Still you shouldn’t have lied, Lexa,” Raven says, “You love her.” It’s a statement not a question.

Lexa takes a deep breath, “I tried, I really tried to ignore my feelings…That’s why I told no one that she was my best friend, my ex. I tried to ignore whatever feeling I could have…I mean maybe, I don’t know. But I’d never entertain the idea of breaking his marriage or relationship”.

Raven nods, “I know but still you didn't do the right thing Lexa. For Finn it feels like a betrayal, he feels like you were screwing his wife or whatever”.

“It’s not about screwing, Raven. Clarke is-“ Lexa stops abruptly afraid to say something she shouldn’t.

“She's what?” Raven asks looking into Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa smiles, “She's special”.

“Fuck, you’re deep into her,” Raven comments and Lexa feels her heart swelling thinking about Clarke.

“She was my first everything…love, kiss,” Lexa confesses.

“What about now?” Raven asks curious.

Lexa looks at Raven not sure if she should tell her the truth or not because even if Raven is talking to her she clearly knows where she stands.

“Nothing, I love her and I shouldn’t think about her because…Finn, clearly,” Lexa shrugs.

“What about when things get better between you and Finn? Would you want to be with her?”

Lexa doesn’t know, the question throws her off guard. The fact that she wants to be with Clarke is undeniable but it feels terrifying to think that she might lose her brother forever. She told her she would wait, she keeps sending her letters but at the same time she doesn’t want to break Finn’s heart even more. She doesn’t want to put Finn in the same position she has been few weeks ago, looking at the one you love in the arms of another one, a family member.

“I'll always but I’d never do something that may hurt Finn, not intentionally,” Lexa replies after a long moment of silence.

Raven smiles at her feeling a little bit guilty about siding with Finn and ignoring her best friend for so long, “That’s complicated”.

“More than you can ever imagine,” Lexa replies with a sad voice.

“I’ll try and talk to him,” Raven says.

“I’ll wait for them…for Finn to be over her and for Clarke to be ready! It takes as long as it takes,” Lexa confesses almost in a whisper.

“Why her? I mean can’t you just get over her?” Raven replies.

Lexa shakes her head, “Ten years haven’t been enough! I told you she is special…she is the love of my life.” Raven looks at her best friend and apologizes, “I’m sorry for being so harsh with you but-“

“It’s ok, I get it,” Lexa interjects nodding, “You don’t need to apologize”.

“Yes, I do,” Raven insists, “I’m sorry. It must have been hard for you to see the love of your life getting married with your brother”.

Lexa’s eyes fall, she looks down at her hands guiltily, “I should have done or said something but I…I couldn’t”.

“Finn would have understood,” Raven reassures her best friend.

“I don’t think so,” Lexa shakes her head. “He loves her, he proposed to her, Raven!”

“You should have gave him the choice by telling him the truth, though”.

“It’s too late now,” Lexa replies. “I know you won’t tell me where he is so I’m asking you a favor. Tell him that we need to talk, please?”

“Of course,” Raven nods, “but don’t expect too much, Lexa. He’s hurt”.

Lexa takes a deep breath, “I know”.

Raven leaves Lexa in her office thoughtful and a little bit hopeful. If Raven tries hard enough she might convince Finn to stop hiding and ignoring his sister and what happened. Lexa knows it is going to be hard but it is better than to wait. She knows if they keep avoiding to talk it is only going to leave space for more resentment.

When Raven gets into her office she finds Anya waiting for her, “Took you long enough”.

“I was with Lexa,” Raven replies smiling at her

“That’s…interesting,” Anya comments.

“Do you need anything, An?”

“Yes,” Anya replies, “I need you to stop whatever you’re doing”.

Raven frowns acting like she doesn’t know what Anya is talking about, “I’m doing nothing”.

“Yes, you’re,” Anya retorts standing up and walking into Raven’s personal space, “You’re stalking me and my girlfriend”.

“Girlfriend? Wow that escalated quickly. You guys are not compatible at all,” Raven says, “I saw it yesterday, you guys have nothing in common. Come on, I was doing you a favor”

“It’s none of your business just stay away, ok?” Anya lets out angrily.

“I can’t,” Raven replies hastily.

“What?” Anya looks confused at her, “what do you mean you can’t?”

“I can’t,” Raven shrugs looking into Anya’s brown eyes who feels like Raven is going to be the death of her.

“Just stay away from us,” Anya says firmly walking to leave but Raven stops her wrapping her fingers around her wrist, “I can’t because I want…I want you to give us a chance”.

Anya freezes for a moment looking dumbfounded then recollects herself, “Don’t flatter yourself Raven. I’m over you and I don’t want to ruin our friendship for a stupid crush”.

“Why do you keep saying that, you don’t know,” Raven argues.

“Yes, I do because you’re doing it out of pity”.

Raven looks into Anya’s eyes again, she doesn’t know how to say it. She is not even sure, all she knows is that she can’t bear to see Anya with another woman.

“It’s not pity I can assure you that,” Raven replies almost in a whisper, “I don’t know if it is going to work or ruin our friendship but I do know that I don’t want that woman near you”.

Anya is about to protest when Raven says, “I don’t want anyone near you, I’m jealous.” She frowns feeling weird at admitting something like that to her best friend. She always acts like a bad ass, she is not the kind of woman who do jealousy and clingy.

Anya doesn’t know what to say, she wasn’t expecting it not in her wildest dreams, “Are you saying that-“ Anya doesn’t know how to ask her.

“Yes,” Raven nods with a blush, she looks at Anya’s lips then back to her eyes, “Give me a chance! One date and if it feels weird or you don’t feel comfortable, it never happened”.

Anya thinks for a moment, this is all she wants but at the same time she is afraid that it may cost them their friendship.

“Please,” Raven begs with a smile.

Anya feels her heart racing sending blood to her cheeks in lieu of a voiced answer she just nods and smiles nervously at Raven. She didn’t miss the way Raven is looking at her lips.

“I should go back to work,” Anya says trying hard not to glance at Raven’s lips maintaining eye contact with her.

“Wait,” Raven stops her again, “What about your girlfriend?”

“I don’t know, it depends on how our date goes,” Anya replies breaking Raven’s heart but the brunette doesn’t show it, “Of course.” She smiles at her.

Raven feels a little bit happier than earlier despite the disappointing answer Anya gave and her lack of faith in them. She knows she has to put aside the awkwardness herself to convince Anya that they can be more than just best friends.

She can see herself dating her, she knows it is going to be interesting Anya is a good looking woman with a strong personality which will be a bit of a challenge for her and a wave of fresh air. All the women she dated are boring for her, the only one who was not boring broke up with her for Anya’s sake.

Later that day, when Raven gets home the first thing she does is tell Finn about Anya. She wants to have his opinion on what Anya’s answer was and how she can convince her.

“Just be yourself Rey,” Finn smiles at her, “and tell her how you feel she is your best friend”.

“She is,” Raven echoes happily.

“How was the meeting?” Finn asks.

“Tense,” She replies then adds, “I talked to Lexa”.

Finn keeps silent and looks away avoiding Raven’s eyes but she is determined to insist today especially after the talk she had with Lexa.

“She misses you and she told me to tell you that you guys need to talk,” Raven delivers.

“I’m not-“ Finn shakes his head, “I need to talk to Clarke first.”

“Finn,” Raven says in a warning tone, “She thinks you hate her.”

Finn glances at Raven then back at the tv, “I don’t.”

“Well she thinks you do, I don’t know what you told her that day but she is convinced that you hate her guts, her own words not mine,” Raven explains but it seems like she is talking to a wall, Finn ignores her and says again, “I’ll talk to her once I’ve talked to Clarke.”

**At Lexa’s mansion;**

Lexa walks into her bedroom her brain still busy with today’s events, a lot happened that required her full attention but she was not really focused, all she kept thinking about was Clarke.

The fact that Raven talked to her this time and promised to deliver her message to Finn was a step forward, or that’s what Lexa hopes because it starts tiring her and she is not sure she will be able to handle things if they take more time.

As soon as she is out of shower, she checks her phone again hoping that maybe Finn or Raven would have called or texted her. She finds nothing, she stares at her phone zoning out for a brief moment before opening again Abby’s text.

She is suggesting a phone call, would it be a good move? Lexa doubts it. What would she tell her? Would Clarke even pick up to her phone call? If she refuses to read her letters and lets them piling up she will certainly not pick up to her phone call.

She doesn’t want to know nor try her luck, she is not sure she would like how it feels to be ignored. It already is bitter to know that Clarke is willingly choosing not to read her letters. So instead of going with Abby’s suggestion, Lexa simply dresses and goes to her office.

She decides to write one last letter instead before trying something else. She has to give Clarke another chance and not pressure her.

“Dear Clarke;

This is the last letter.

When I woke up this morning, again I found a text from your mother. Nothing new, just the old negative feedback about you not reading my ~~letter~~ , letters.

I must say it starts taking a toll on me. I have been patient my whole life. In fact, patience is one of my virtues. Yet, when it comes to you it seems that I lose even the meaning of it. Can you blame me though? I feel like a child.

After all that we have been through in our lives, I can say now I have a chance to get you back in my life, as little as this chance can be I want to seize it. However, you are not ready ‘not yet’ as you said and I promised you that I would wait.

Does it mean that I can’t even send you letters? I don’t know. I don’t want to pressure you that is why I chose snail mail. But you don’t want to read me and my patience is running thin. Do I have it in me to wait additional months? I doubt it.

I have lost a lot in my life since I was a little kid, a mother, my identity, my best friend and so much more. I got over some things I have lost but not others. I learned how to shut and push people away from the best or in this case the worst, my father.

However, I don’t think I am able to handle your loss, not again. I know there is hope and that maybe one day you and I can be friends again. I know I shouldn’t have said ‘I love you’ Clarke, it was not the right time but I am not ready to give up. It takes as long it takes, I will wait but you have to give me something Clarke.

In my previous letters, all I wrote was some memories we had together and few other things I never got to tell you due to the lack of opportunities or because I was a timid little girl. I was not and I am not looking for an answer, yet. I know you are not ready for that.

But you got to give me at least a tiny bit of hope by reading my letters, it will give me the strength to wait longer. Again, this is going to be my last letter, a sort of warning. If you don’t read them I will come to you and see for myself why you keep ignoring them. I just want to know, waiting here having no clue why you are stubbornly not reading any of my letters is frustrating so I am going to give you one last chance before you find me at your doorstep.

Yours truly;

Lexa”

Once Lexa finishes writing her letter for Clarke, she leaves for a walk to post it. She is going to give Clarke a week before taking matters in her own hands. On her way, she decides to have dinner which she later regrets.

Just as Lexa sits in the restaurant and orders, she notices a kid playing with his food meanwhile feeding his little sister. The sight was adorable and Lexa kept staring at them the whole time. She never got to experience something like that but the closest thing she had was her adventures with Finn.

Her heart aches when thinking about him, she misses him terribly but she feels like she has not the right to want him back in her life after the damage she has done to his life and the fact that now she wants to have Clarke in her life, she wants Clarke.

She decides to take an uber feeling too drained emotionally to walk back home and feeling an urgent need to check Finn’s apartment. Maybe, just maybe she will find him. Unfortunately, Finn is not there. The lights of his apartment are all off, she kept knocking but to no avail, the only thing she has left to do is hope that Raven gets somewhere with him and convince him.

* * *

**_Few days later_ ** **; France;**

**Griffin’s household;**

Clarke wakes up feeling a little bit tired, she did not have a peaceful night. In fact, she barely closed her eyes since she received another letter from Lexa who reads on the envelope ‘ _Read me’._ It is the first time Lexa does it in seven letters.

She purposely hid it from her mother and didn’t let her know that she got another letter from Lexa because she knows Abby will pressure her again to read them. She knows her mother is in touch with Lexa. Somehow she feels jealous because she wants to be able to talk to Lexa without the drama and guilt behind it and that is why she doesn’t like hearing her mother tell her about Lexa.

She spent her night just like the one after receiving Lexa’s first letter, sleepless and confused.

First, she thought it is just a ruse to make her read the letter but then she dismissed the thought knowing that Lexa is not the kind of person who does that. Then, she told herself if Lexa has something really important or urgent, she would have just called or texted her mother Abby.

Despite the conclusions she came to, the first thing Clarke looks at after opening her eyes is the letter which is sitting on her desk facing her bed. She feels like it has its own eyes and is staring back at her.

Clarke pushes her legs off the bed, walks sleepily to her desk then hides the letter with the six others. She will think about what to do with it or them once she has her morning coffee shot. Maybe she will give it to Abby to read and if it has something really urgent she would read it too if not, she won’t. She will wait and read all the letters in order starting from the first one and maybe write her back for real this time and post it.

As she is sipping her coffee in front of the tv, she hears a firm knock on the door. She frowns not knowing who could it be at this early hour of the day? It can’t be her mother, she has her own keys. It can’t be the neighbors because since she is back, she didn’t really reconnect with her old friends and neighbors in addition her mother is most of the time at work and has no time to befriend nor invite the neighbors.

Clarke puts her mug on the coffee table and walks to the door just as she is about to open the knocking gets louder. She opens the door and freezes at the sight of Finn standing right in front of her. She blinks for a moment but he doesn’t disappear she is not hallucinating. Finn is real and he is standing at her doorstep.

He lost some weight, he doesn’t have the full cheeks and his hair is shorter. He is more like the Finn she first met minus the dark circles around his eyes and the beard. His eyes are not as shiny as she knows them and his face is blank. He looks tired probably from the flight Clarke thinks.

She doesn’t know how to react, too many things and thoughts cross her mind at once and it is too crowded to make sense. She takes a step back and gestures for him to get in. He does, his eyes roam quickly the house. He had never been there and he feels his heart aching, it has something irrefutably Clarke. It has something that reminds him of his apartment that became their place.

Clarke feels her heart aching, she missed Finn but at the same time she feels betrayed. He left her at the altar instead of talking to her, instead of picking up to her calls and talking to her. And now, he is standing right next to her, in her home, her shelter, her cocoon.

She feels her tears creeping over the edge of her blue eyes and a knot forming in her throat. She gulps looking away trying to get herself together without meeting his eyes. She could see the fire in his eyes along with something else, something sadder and darker the second the door opened to him.

The air is thick and heavy between them and none of them dares to speak yet. Clarke walks back into the living-room followed by Finn. She sits on the couch and looks blankly at the tv, after a moment she feels the couch dip beside her.

She doesn’t have it in her to look at him, she feels too many things at the same time and she is barely able to breathe. The rummaging of her beating heart along with the ache in it is making it difficult for her to focus on her breathing.

“You left me,” Clarke whispers with a trembling voice, it comes out as an accusation and Finn feels it. He shuts his eyes close trying hard to focus on anything else than Clarke’s light sniffles, it feels like daggers into his heart.

Clarke hears a murmur a ‘ _sorry_ ’ but she is not quite sure Finn spoke, she can’t see him, she is facing the tv in front of her and her sight is blurred by her tears. She doesn’t care now is not the time for apologies and besides they make no sense. Finn left her at the altar, it was his decision which means it was intentional.

One doesn’t apologize for intentional decisions.

“You cheated on me with my sister,” Finn says and this time it is loud enough for Clarke to hear. It hits her hard. “I didn’t,” She spits out angrily without meeting his eyes.

“Yes, you did,” Finn insists and Clarke feels her blood boiling.

“You did, both physically and emotionally. You did. You lied to me, Clarke. You kissed her, or fucked or whatever the hell happened that night. I was about to marry you and you lied to me,” Finn says in one breath.

Clarke finally finds it in her to look at him she wipes the tears that just roll down her cheeks, “I called you, I wanted to tell you everything and figure out the hell I needed to do but you didn’t answer instead you left me at the altar, Finn. You left me at the fucking altar.”

Clarke’s voice is definitely a pitch higher and Finn is surprised, he never heard Clarke’s voice like that.

“Why are you here? I called you so we can talk but you kept ignoring my calls. Why now?” Clarke asks looking angrily at him even if deep down she misses him.

“I…I couldn’t,” Finn shakes his head, “I didn’t know what to say if I ever picked up your calls. I was angry. I was hurt”.

“What about me? What about your future wife, your friend, your fiancé?”

“I don’t know what to say,” Finn confesses.

“We could have talked, you could have asked me what is going on between me and Lexa?”

“I didn’t need to ask you, it was pretty clear the bruise on your lip,” Finn replies angrily.

Clarke shifts on the couch so she is facing him now, “I was drunk Finn, it's just a kiss a damn drunken kiss”.

“It was more than that, Clarke,” Finn replies knowingly, “you love her, she loves you more than anyone in the world”.

Finn’s words hit Clarke hard and a wave of guilt paints her face when she hears Finn ask her, “Do you love me?”

Clarke’s lips part then close, a silence settles and Finn feels his heart aching.

“See,” He lets out with a sarcastic laugh.

“Yes, I do but-”Clarke doesn’t know what to say and Finn finishes for her, “but you love her more”.

Clarke doesn’t agree nor disagree instead she focuses on them, “I love you Finn, I do but not the way I am supposed to. You were my rock and you saved me from my loneliness. We were there alone and we only had one another. We were each other’s solace that’s all”.

Clarke sees a flash of hurt in Finn’s eyes, “So that’s what I am to you? Just a solace?” His eyes well in tears.

“Look at me, Finn,” Clarke says trying to get him to look at her, “Do you love me?”

“I do. I love you Clarke,” Finn replies with a broken voice.

“Do you love me the way you loved or hell you love Raven?” She asks again.

His eyes widen, he opens his mouth then closes it before finally answering, “It's not the same Clarke. We were young and passionate. You can’t compare such love to a mature one, a real one that I have for you, Clarke,” He says in a begging tone.

“Exactly Finn, a real love should be young, wild and passionate not routine sex and friendly kisses,” She lets out knowing that the words are going to hurt but she needs him to understand.

“Friendly kisses? Is this how you kiss me?” Finn lets out hurt, she can’t help herself thinking about the kisses she shared with Lexa! They felt different from the ones Finn gives her.

“It is not like that, Finn,” She replies tears flowing on her cheeks, “It is not as passionate as it should be!” She shakes her head.

“This is not love, not what real love feels like,” She adds in a knowing tone.

“How the fuck do you know?” He asks harshly then stares at her because she never spoke about real love then he realizes that Clarke is talking from experience and it might be his sister Clarke is thinking about.

“Is it Alex?” Finn asks feeling his heart bleeding, “your real love?”

Clarke doesn’t know what to say she knows she loved Lexa when they were young she knows it was love. She had hard time getting over her. But she doesn’t know what she is feeling now, are her feelings for Lexa love? Real love? Or just attraction enhanced with the desire to have the closure she never had?

It is definitely love, it feels a lot like it. Clarke knew it but this time around her love for Lexa is different, it is fiercer. She wants her, she blames her, and she needs her.

She suddenly realizes how bad she misses her, talking and thinking about her made her heart beat so hard but it is still confusing. Her brain can’t decide if it is real love or hear what her heart is saying but she can’t hear it because Finn is here in front of her his eyes filled with unshed tears waiting for her to give him something, something she can’t give.

Something she gave Lexa long ago and never got it back, her love, her heart, and her dedication.

“I need to go,” Finn says her silence is an answer and he can’t handle it. He needs some space, he needs to be anywhere but in this living-room intoxicated with the familiar scent of Clarke.

Clarke wants to apologize but then refrains, it will only make things worse. She is guilty of loving Lexa but she is not ready to apologize for it.

“Will I see you again?” Clarke asks afraid that he might disappear again and ignore her phone calls, “because we still need to talk.”

Finn doesn’t find the energy in him to reply he just nods and leaves without sparing Clarke a second look.

Clarke doesn’t blame him, their talk was pretty emotional and draining but it was what they both needed. A part of it was not welcomed especially because it hurt one of them and the other part was necessary it helped them realize how they feel. It needed to be done even if Clarke kept on avoiding any contact.

Although, Finn didn’t show it nor acknowledge it to himself, Clarke was right. The love he has for her is different from the one he had and has for Raven. He walks back to his hotel room thinking about her words.

He never thought about it before Clarke pointed it, he feels stupid at not realizing it sooner and spare both of them the heartache and bitter feelings of drama.

Clarke spends the rest of her day thinking about Finn, hoping that he won’t disappear once again.

**Woods Corp office building; Anya’s office;**

It has been few days since Anya and Raven’s talk but neither of them asked the other on a date and it was getting on Raven’s nerves especially today. When she was walking back from her lunch break she saw Anya’s girlfriend waiting at the entrance of the building.

Before going out for lunch, Raven waited for Anya but she told her that she has work to do and now Raven is walking furiously with a bag of Chinese food in hand, from Anya’s favorite place. She brought herself and Anya lunch so they can have a moment together and maybe this time she would have the chance to ask her on a date but now her girlfriend is waiting outside for her which means it is not going to happen.

Anya is standing in front of her desk, putting some paperwork in a safe place getting ready to leave when Raven walks in. She doesn’t need to look at her to know it is Raven. She is the only one who gets into her office without knocking.

“I’ve to leave, Raven. Whatever you have to say it can-“ Anya doesn’t have the time to finish when Raven puts the food bag harshly on her desk.

“Enjoy you lunch break with your fucking girlfriend,” Raven lets out angrily before turning back and leaving.

“Fuck,” Anya breathes out. She looks at the bag and realizes what Raven had in mind. She takes the bag and follows Raven into her office.

“Raven, I’m sorry,” Anya apologizes.

“You could have just said that you have a date or whatever,” Raven says not meeting Anya’s eyes.

“I didn’t know she just texted me that she's in the neighborhood and-“

“So she's good enough for you to leave work and have lunch with her but not me?” Raven lets out.

“No, it is not like that,” Anya shakes her head walking close to Raven standing inches away from her.

“Then what?” Raven deadpans.

“I don’t know. You didn’t ask me on a date…I’m just waiting...I thought I was clear about her,” Anya tries to explain.

“I didn’t ask because you didn’t give me the chance. I’ve been trying but each time you leave or get distracted by something else,” Raven says, “I was about to ask you just now.”

Anya’s eyes widen she didn’t notice it but indeed the last few days each time Raven tried to talk to her something came up, “I’m sorry I didn’t-“

“It’s ok,” Raven interrupts her, “Just go, she's waiting for you.”

Anya hesitates for a moment then says, “Have dinner with me tonight, at my place.”

Raven looks at Anya for a moment then shakes her head. “No, I want to take you out. I’ve one shot and I want to get it right,” She says looking into Anya’s eyes.

“You will have it, tonight I’m inviting you,” Anya replies and doesn’t miss the Raven’s eyes on her lips.

“I’d love that,” Raven lets out softly.

“See you tonight then!” Anya says finally walking out of Raven’s personal space.

“Tonight,” Raven whispers between her lips looking at Anya leaving then she can’t stop herself, “Anya wait.”

Anya stops and just as she is about to turn back and see what she wants, she feels Raven’s hand around her wrist pulling her back and her lips pressed against her own. The kiss is unexpected, short but long enough for Anya to taste Raven’s lips.

Just as she is about to change the angle and reciprocate, Raven pulls back her eyes moving from Anya’s lips to her eyes, “I told you I don’t want her near you but if I have to tolerate her, at least make it a fair play.” Raven wants Anya to think about her while she is with her girlfriend. She wanted to kiss her since she started thinking about her as more than just a best friend but she didn’t want to rush things. She wanted their first kiss together to be special but it is harder each day especially with this new feeling tugging at her heart, jealousy.

Anya is speechless she wasn’t expecting Raven to kiss her, she knows they talked about dating but she didn’t know that Raven wanted to kiss her she thought they would have one date or two and realize that they are not really into each other.

She is speechless because she knows from the beginning that it was not fair, not at all. The woman she is dating is just nice and easy to be with her whereas Raven is Raven. She is her best friend, she is her first girl crush, she loves and cares for her and now she kissed her making Anya’s knees go weak.

“You just made it unfair,” Anya comments looking at Raven’s lips wanting to feel them again. She didn’t have enough, it was too short and it took her by surprise and it ended just as she was about to deepen it.

Raven doesn’t know that Anya didn’t have a first kiss from a woman she thought Anya and that woman would have probably kissed already. They would have if Raven herself didn’t interrupt almost each of their dates and ruined it.

She frowns looking into Anya’s eyes and before she can ask her Anya confesses, “We didn’t kiss.” She shakes her head and Raven feels her heart swelling with joy.

“Good,” She smiles looking back and forth between Anya’s eyes and her lips asking her for permission and Anya feels like her heart is going to explode in her chest. She is the one to claim Raven’s lips this time, she doesn’t need permission.

The kiss is deeper this time, Anya cups Raven’s face bringing her closer and too soon she feels Raven pulling back before taking control of the pace, she traces her tongue on Anya’s lip asking for entrance which Anya gladly gives.

At the taste of each other’s tongues both moan and things get heated. They forget about their surrounding and the fact that everyone can see them until they hear someone clearing his throat.

“Anya, your girlfriend is waiting for you.” Jasper says with a smirk.

Anya pushes Raven and steps back from her and feels a blush creep over her cheeks, “Thank you, Jasper.”

“Eight. Don’t be late,” Anya says looking back at Raven before leaving.

Raven nods feeling something familiar yet she can’t put a word on it as it has been so long the last time she felt it. She sits on her office with a big smile, it is going to be easier than she thought.

For her now, after their kiss, there is no doubt that they can be together without it being awkward. She wanted to devour Anya’s lips more than anything and she felt the way Anya was kissing her back. It is unquestionable, the sexual tension is there.

**Two days later; France;**

Clarke was more than happy when Finn showed again at her doorstep. However things are awkward because this time Abby is home and she is really not happy to see him. After Finn’s first visit Clarke told her everything, she knew the man was hurting too but she couldn’t forgive him leaving her daughter at the altar without talking to her.

So the first part of the day was mainly tense, Abby lectured Finn for his stupidity and told him that he shouldn’t have left. That he should have talked to Clarke and Lexa to try and figure things out before leaving. She understood that he was hurt and needed to get away but she explained to him that he should have talked things out with them first before disappearing.

Then, when it was time for Abby to leave she looked at him seriously, “I’m leaving now but if you ever hurt my baby girl again or just disappear like that I will find you wherever you are.”

“Ok madam,” Finn seriously.

Clarke feels a little bit embarrassed with the situation, she gives Finn a nervous smile, “I’m sorry you had to have the Abby warning.”

Finn chuckles feeling considerably lighter now that Abby left, “It’s ok, I certainly deserve it”.

Clarke feels uncomfortable, she hurt Finn as well. He may had been the one leaving her at the altar but she did worse. She lied to him, she kissed not once but twice his sister, and she would have called off the wedding after talking to him probably.

After Finn left the other day, Clarke had time to think over and over again about what happened to them. For the first time in two months she was able to think clearly because when she came back home she couldn’t find it in her to reexamine the situation especially when having no contact at all with both parts.

“We should stop apologizing, Finn. We both did things we regret and maybe it was for the best,” Clarke says feeling guilty.

Finn sighs, “Yeah, what if we got married and then I learned about you two together?”

“We were not and we’re not together, Finn,” Clarke shakes her head. It is true her and Lexa might have something going on between them, but they are not together. She is not even talking to her.

“Aren’t you guys talking?” Clarke asks. Finn knows if he tells her that they haven’t talked since the night before the wedding she would try and convince him to talk to her again just like everyone has been trying. Instead he asks her back, “Are you?”

Clarke looks at him for few seconds before answering, “No.” She doesn’t want him to know about the letters. She didn’t even open them so it is like she didn’t receive them, she didn’t talked to Lexa for more than two months now. She remembers the last letter and that she didn’t gave it to her mother. She got distracted by Finn’s arrival and their talk.

Finn frowns he doesn’t understand why they are not together already. Of course he doesn’t want them to be together but he expected his sister to reach for Clarke because he knows how deep she is in love with her.

Talking about the two of them made Finn think, Abby told him that they were childhood best friends but that’s all he knows so he asks Clarke to tell him everything about how they met and how were they able to hide things from him when he introduced them.

Clarke spent the afternoon telling Finn everything he wanted to know. She even brought some pictures of them in Christmas and together. He smiles even if deep down he was still feeling betrayed and played.

“So, Alex is the one who wanted you to lie with her,” Finn thinks out loud making Clarke uncomfortable.

“She did it to protect you, Finn,” Clarke excuses Lexa’s decision.

“It doesn’t change the fact that it is a lie,” Finn comments looking at her.

Clarke rubs her forehead, “I know but I’m sure she regrets it as much as I do.”

Finn doesn’t miss the way Clarke is defending her acts. He talked to Lexa and he knows that she loves her, she admitted it but Clarke did not. He looks at her straight in the eyes and asks, “Do you love her?”

The question takes Clarke by surprise. How is she going to answer it without hurting Finn or lying both to him and to herself? So instead of answering his question with one word she chooses to tell him about their past.

“Lexa and I were not just friends, best friends. When I was sixteen and before my dad died she came to look for me during summer and we spent almost a month together as girlfriends. It was the happiest summer of my life and the saddest. I had everything a sixteen years old me wished for.

I had my best friend back in my life, she found me and I had my whole family and my friends around me and in few days everything turned to hell. She left me one morning and weeks later my father got diagnosed a cancer,” Finn could hear Clarke’s voice starts trembling.

She stops for a minute to recollect herself, and continues, “We were best friends yes but we were more than that. She was my first love, my first kiss and my first time and I was hers too. I’m sure you can understand how strongly our relationship was, you had probably the same with Raven. Even if we didn’t date for long, the days we spent together were intense. It didn’t matter that we had only a few days because we knew that we’ve been in love with each other since we were kids.”

Finn grits his teeth, it hurts to hear Clarke talk with so much joy on her face and love in her voice about her past with Lexa because even if he knows that their love is not as strong as the one she has with Lexa, he still loves her and the wound is still fresh.

“You do love her then,” Finn concludes.

“I don’t know the answer for sure, Finn. Not yet, I’m still processing what happened between us,” She gestures between the two of them.

Finn forces a smile at her knowing that she is trying to not hurt his feelings, he leans closer to her and hugs her. Clarke stiffens in his arms but quickly melts in his familiar embrace. It’s a friendly hug even if it lasts longer than it should but Finn feels comfortable enough to do it.

He knows Clarke needs it and despite the fact that she broke his heart he couldn’t hate her and he couldn’t see her on verge of tears without consoling her. In addition, he wanted to communicate his apology she refused to hear the other day for leaving her at the altar.

After talking about her father and Lexa who both of them she misses, Finn’s hug is more than welcomed.

Finn could hear Clarke talking but it was stifled by his chest, he pulls back and looks at her.

“Now what? Are you going to disappear again?” Clarke asks him.

“No,” He shakes his head, “now we eat.” He flashes her a smile to lighten the mood.

“Ok, give me ten minutes to get ready,” Clarke smiles back at him. She rushes to her bedroom to get ready relieved that finally things are going to be better.

When Clarke finishes dressing, she goes back with a wide smile on her face, “Let’s go.” She takes her keys and purse and walks out of with Finn both wearing a smile on their faces.

After Clarke closes the door, she hooks her arm around Finn’s then her smile falls. “Lexa!” She lets out surprised.

“Finn?” Lexa breathes out, eyes filled with pain.


	12. Chapter 12

**France ; Griffin’s household ;**

_When Clarke finishes dressing, she goes back with a wide smile on her face, “Let’s go”. She takes her keys and purse and walks out of with Finn both wearing a smile on their faces._

_After Clarke closes the door, she hooks her arm around Finn’s then her smile falls “Lexa!” She lets out surprised._

_“Finn?” Lexa breathes out, eyes filled with pain._

Lexa’s eyes fall right between Finn’s body and Clarke’s, she looks at them arm in arm. She never thought it would hurt so much to see Finn with Clarke. She has seen worse the night in the club but that night Clarke was Finn’s and Lexa had no right and no chance to be with her but now things are different, or not so much.

Clarke freezes, she doesn’t know how to react. She is standing in front of Lexa and her arm linked with Finn’s. Just a minute ago she was thinking, ‘ _finally things are going to be better’_ but it seems that she was wrong.

Her heart is aching at the sight of Lexa’s green eyes, she is well aware of the direction of Lexa’s gaze and she could clearly see the emotions whirling into her green orbs. Se wants to reach for her, to tell her that’s not what it looks like but she can’t, her body won’t obey her.

Finn is as much surprised as Clarke, he doesn’t know what to do.

‘ _What is Lexa doing here? Of course she came for Clarke. Of course, she loves her more than anyone and anything in the world,’_ He says to himself. He doesn’t know if Clarke was lying when she said they are not talking, she could have after all they both lied to him for months. He feels an ache in his heart and can’t help looking angrily at Lexa.

Lexa feels anger boiling inside of her too, she throws Finn a death glare then her eyes soften a little bit when they flick to Clarke’s face but not for long as tears start to well in them. She turns back and walks the other direction. She has nothing to do here, not anymore. She got answers for what she came looking for, clearly not what she was expecting nor hoping but it is more than enough, more than she can handle.

Finn is here and well, he was all smiling while she was worried about him and Clarke! Clarke is happy, happier with Finn than they have ever been. She was wearing a genuine smile and a nice dress, probably going out on a date with Finn. She walks as fast as her legs allow her without looking back.

She won’t be able to erase from her memory the sight of Clarke’s smile being with Finn while she didn’t even open her last letter. Lexa has no clue; she didn’t get a text from Abby about whether Clarke read or not her last letter. She might have but didn’t care enough to reply, obviously too busy with Finn.

It is only when Clarke sees Lexa leaving, that she comes back to her senses. She was not expecting her next encounter with Lexa to happen like this. She pulls her arm from Finn’s and looks at him apologetically, “I’m sorry”. She apologizes because she knows Finn loves her, and that it will hurt him to see her running after his sister so soon. But she can’t let Lexa think that she is back with him, or that she is ignoring her because of him.

“Lexa! Lexa!” Clarke calls out but the brunette can’t hear her, she is too tormented by the voices in her head and the ache in her heart.

Just as Clarke is about to run after her, she feels Finn’s firm grip around her wrist.

“Wait, I’ll talk to her,” He says before running after Lexa.

He follows Lexa to her hotel, he doesn’t call her out because they are in the middle of Paris’ streets and if he does she won’t give him the chance to talk. Instead, he waits until she is about to get in the hotel before he does.

Lexa glances at him eyes filled with anger but says nothing. Quickly, she looks away not meeting his eyes. She doesn’t have the power to do it, she is too hurt.

“Alex! Can we talk somewhere private?” He asks out of breath.

Lexa ponders. If she says yes, they will talk and she knows she will hear something she is not ready to hear. If not, she won’t have the opportunity to talk to her brother and let him know how she feels about this mess.

Lexa agrees with light nod. She walks into her hotel followed by Finn. As soon as she gets into her suite, she takes off her jacket feeling like it was heavy on her shoulders and throws it on the king sized bed. Then walks to the mini bar and pours herself a drink that may clear the knot stuck in the back of her throat.

Finn is looking at her, studying every move she is making. He waits for her to sit down to talk but it seems like Lexa is not planning on it. She walks to the window where she stands looking at the view outside. She can’t look at Finn, she is too hurt and angry for that.

“Why did you follow me?” She lets out coldly staring down at the streets that witnessed her happy years with Clarke.

“Why are you here?” Finn fires back.

Lexa knits her eyes brows and grits her teeth. Of course, she disturbed a precious moment, a date of reconciliation or some sort of reconnection between Finn and Clarke. At the thought, she feels stupid and it only ignites the fire of her anger further.

She feels stupid because she has been played this time and treated like she is worth nothing. Like her and her feelings counts for nothing. The picture of Clarke hooking her arm around Finn’s with a big smile on her face taunts her. She is jealous.

Jealous of Finn because he has in his arms the woman she loves. She doesn’t want Clarke to be touched by anyone but her. She is jealous of Finn, because once again he is having what she craves the most. Finn gets to be the one who makes Clarke smile and be the one entitled for her touches. Finn gets to stare at her magnificent blue eyes. She is jealous of Finn because he gets the chance to kiss and love Clarke while she can’t.

Jealous of Clarke too, because Finn loves and cares for her more than he loves and cares for his sister. He left her oblivion to his whereabouts while she was sick worried. Jealous of Clarke because Finn preferred to be with her and did not mind losing his sister and not having her in his life.

“I thought we are…family!” Lexa finally speaks after a long moment of silence and before Finn can reply she adds, “I see that you meant every word you said last time we met”.

Finn walks to the mini bar and pours himself a drink as well while Lexa is staring blankly at hers. His silence hits her hard, he doesn’t deny her statement.

“Why did you follow me if you don’t even care about me?” She asks then hears a glass hitting the marble of the bar’s countertop and realizes Finn is drinking just like she is. She turns back and decides to make him talk before he gets all drunk and things get worse than they already are.

“We shouldn’t drink,” She walks to the minibar where Finn is standing already pouring a second drink. Again Finn is silent, he is angry, hurt and not ready to see Lexa.

He doesn’t know why he stopped Clarke from going after her and followed her. Maybe jealousy, maybe anger or both because he still feels like Clarke is with him, is his fiancée.

Lexa takes the drink from his hand and says, “Say what you have to say, you wanted to talk, didn’t you?”

“I asked you a question,” Finn insists.

“I think you already know the answer,” Lexa replies firmly.

“I wanna hear it from you”.

“So that’s what you want? Do I mean that little to you? I am your-“ Lexa was about to say sister but then she remembered their last conversation. Tears race down her cheeks, she clears her throat, Finn meets her eyes and then she resumes, “your cousin, your family and you want me out of your life just because we love the same woman?”

“You did the unforgiveable, Alex! I can’t…you can’t expect me to be ok with what you have done…you touched my fiancé, you kissed her, you kissed the woman I love and was about to marry,” Finn’s voice is loud and heavy with accusations.

“You lied to me...you went behind my back and you made her lie to me...YOU crossed the line of no return, not me. You betrayed me and fucked the trust we had….you did that on your own Alex!”

Lexa sobs, she cannot hold her tears anymore. Finn may have chosen a harsh way to sum the situation but his words are true.

She lied to him. She kissed Clarke, she touched her and she asked her to hide the truth from him. Indeed, she is guilty of all the things he says she is. It didn’t matter to him why she did it.

He cannot possibly feel her,or be in her position. She knows he is too hurt and angry to see why or understand her behavior but she can’t let him think that. She has to try and make him see that she never meant to hurt him, that she was suffering too at having to hide from him the truth and see Clarke in his arms while her heart was slowly bleeding to death.

“What would you have done if I told you? If I told you that I love Clarke, that she is the love of my life?” Lexa’s questions take Finn by surprise, he stares speechlessly at her. Lexa takes the opportunity and speaks again.

“What would you have done if I told you that Clarke was the one that broke my heart years ago? That she is the reason you spent so many nights comforting me instead of going out? That she is the reason I spent many days crying in your arms? What would you have done if I told you that it was all a misunderstanding and that she loved me, that when I saw her the first time in your apartment I felt my heart coming back to life again?”

Finn stands still, he could feel his own tears threatening to spill. He remembers how a mess Lexa was, he remembers what she is talking about. He could feel the pain in her voice but he cannot find it in himself to sympathize with her. He can’t bring himself to think about what he would have done if she told him all of that.

But still, he thinks she shouldn’t have lied. He can’t feel her pain while his own is blurring anything else.

Lexa looks at him for a moment and when she sees that he is not willing to answer or say anything, she continues but this time her voice is lower, “I did it to protect you, I didn’t want to ruin what you had with her. It was the first time I’ve seen you in years, and it was thanks to her. She managed to bring you back home, she managed to do the thing I failed to do.

She gave you a reason to want to live and be safe…she does that...this is Clarke the same Clarke I fell in love with…she did the same for me when I was eight years old and I know how precious she is that’s why I couldn’t take that from you..as long as I had you back by my side, it was worth it!” Lexa pauses to wipe her own tears.

“I knew I lost her years ago but I had you back. It was more important to me, have my brother safe and alive by my side. I chose to spare you the trouble to pick a side…I was afraid you’ll chose her over me, afraid I might lose you,” Lexa lets out a sob because it is what ended up happening, she lost her brother and now he is choosing Clarke over her. He is here with her in France while she has been looking for him.

“That’s what happened anyway,” She adds before taking the drink Finn poured for himself and drinks it in one shot.

Lexa’s words make sense but Finn doesn’t find it in him to agree with her, he is too hurt and angry. He is still mad at her for what she did, he tries to look at her, he tries to say something but he can’t. He needs time to think about it, he needs time to heal.

Finn’s lack of reaction rubs salt into Lexa’s wounded heart and what comes next is even worse. Finn walks toward the door to leave when she speaks again, “So that’s it! I’m not going to see you ever again?”

“You will, but it doesn’t mean that I will forgive you”. He finally says before opening the door and leaving.

**Woods Corp office building; Anya’s office;**

Raven walks into Anya’s office while the latter is in the middle of a phone conversation. She is staring at her with a smile and Anya finds it hard to focus on what her interlocutor is saying. So she decides to look away and try to cut the conversation short.

When she finally hangs up the phone she looks back at Raven, she feels her blush burning her cheeks she recognizes the look Raven is giving her but now is not the time to think about anything like that.

“Raven!” Anya lets out.

“Anya!” Raven says back.

The blonde can’t help the smile creeping over her lips, “Can you tell me what the motif of your visit? At such an early hour? I think it’s the first time I see you here on time”.

Raven chuckles, “I’m trying to impress someone” She winks and Anya rolls her eyes in response, “I don’t have the time for this. You know Lexa is not here and I have to deal with everything on my own”.

“I can help” Raven suggests.

“Of course,” Anya replies with a sarcastic tone.

“Ok, chill! I just need your signature for something since you’re in charge,” Raven says.

Anya walks to her, takes the document from her hands and goes back to her desk. She puts her glasses on and reads the file then signs it before handing it back to Raven who grabs her hand instead preventing her from walking away.

“When are you free?” Raven asks Anya’s wrist in hand.

“I don’t know, not now…not until Lexa is back at least,” Anya answers honestly.

“Do you know when she will be back?”

“No,” Anya replies, she doesn’t want to tell Raven that Lexa is in France to see Clarke. She knows she won’t stop arguing about something they both shouldn’t interfere in.

Anya frees herself from Raven’s grip, “I should go back to work”.

“If you don’t have time, we can have a dinner date at my place!” Raven proposes.

“I think it’s clear that we’re-“ Anya shrugs, “not a good match”.

“Why?” Raven frowns.

**_Few days ago; Anya’s place;_ **

****

_Anya did not start cooking dinner until it was almost eight knowing that Raven will probably be late as per her habits. However, she was surprised when she heard the door bell resonating through her place. She is even more astonished now she opened the door to Raven in a hot dress, high heels and a bottle of wine in her hands._

_At the sight, she suddenly feels underdressed. She was not expecting Raven to show up as perfectly dressed up._

_“You clean up nice,” Anya comments even before greeting her best friend._

_“Thanks,” Raven smiles leaning in and placing a soft peck on Anya’s cheek. The soft kiss makes Anya’s heart jolt._

_Raven can’t help her smiles, she is excited to finally have a moment with Anya where they can be more than just friends._

_“You’re way too early!” Anya comments taking the bottle of wine Raven was offering her._

_“I’m not. You said eight, didn’t you?”_

_“Yeah but I didn’t think that you’ll actually show up at eight,” She replies walking back to her kitchen while Raven is following her._

_“Do you want me to leave and go back later?” Raven jokes._

_“No, but dinner isn’t ready yet”._

_“It’s fine, I’ll help,” Raven replies thinking, ‘I’m here for you not dinner’._

_As soon as they get in the kitchen, Anya gets back to cooking, giving Raven few things to do while they are talking. Well, Raven is listening to Anya who is talking about work. In fact, Anya is nervous and doesn’t know what to talk about with Raven after what happened that morning so she is rambling about work._

_Once, the dinner was finally ready Anya started setting the table and Raven helping her when their arms brush. Anya thought it was accidental but then her eyes met Raven’s and she understood. Raven is looking at her like she never did, almost like this morning after she kissed her and they were interrupted by Jasper._

_“Is it bad that I wanna skip dinner and kiss you instead?” Raven lets out boldly leaving Anya speechless._

_“I…emmm…I don’t know if it-“ Before Anya continues, she is silenced by Raven’s lips on hers._

_She welcomes Raven’s wandering hands, she has never been touched and kissed by any of her partners like that. She can’t help herself wanting more, she tugs at the zipper of Raven’s dress and manages to undress her. She pulls back to have a look her eyes roam Raven’s body then up to her eyes and she finds her smiling._

_“My turn,” Raven says before pulling up Anya’s shirt and undressing her completely then she pushes her against the dinner table and starts kissing her skin. Anya pulls her up to kiss her and lets out a moan when she feels Raven’s naked skin against hers._

_They make out messily against the table, dinner long forgotten when Anya feels Raven’s hand tugging at the hem of her panties she stops and pushes her lightly._

_“We should go to my bed, it’s more comfortable,” Anya suggests and Raven’s eyes burn with lust. They hardly manage to make it to Anya’s room as Raven keeps on backing Anya against the wall and kissing and sucking at her skin._

_When they finally make it to the bedroom, Anya is the one taking control her hands on Raven’s hips backing her to the bed but before she can push her on it, Raven flips them over._

_“I’m a top,” She smirks and it irritates Anya who pulls her down on the bed with her and quickly straddles her._

_Raven’s words die in Anya’s mouth, the blonde moans when her tongue meets Raven’s. She can feel Raven’s nails scratching the skin of her back, pushing her against her center. She feels her own arousal soaking her panties so she pushes her leg between Raven’s thighs who lets her head fall back on the bed at the feeling of Anya against her._

_“I’m the top,” Anya says after tugging with her teeth at Raven’s lip._

_“We can do it standing up so no one is toping the other,” Raven jokes causing Anya’s chuckles._

_“Shut up and kiss me,” Anya orders leaning down into Raven. They spend the night in bed._

_The next morning, Anya wakes up she finds her bed empty._

_Raven didn’t know what to do after Anya drifted asleep, she didn’t know what was the right thing to do? Stay and wake up in bed with Anya who may freak out finding her best friend, a woman naked in her bed with her or leave and give Anya time to get used to her new interest. She ended up leaving which hurt Anya, feeling like she has been used even if she knows Raven would never do that to her. But she couldn’t help feeling like that and thought that if Raven left it means that she is not really interested in a relationship but rather in a fuck buddy._

**Present time; Anya’s office;**

Anya looks at Raven knowing that she is thinking about the other night just like her.

“Because it was just sexual. All we did was fucking we didn’t talk and I don’t know,” She says sceptic.

“We always talk!” Raven lets out surprised by what she is hearing, “there’s nothing we don’t know about each other except the bed part”.

“I don’t know” Anya hesitates.

“Please! You promised me that I’ll have my chance,” Raven insists.

“It would be the same. We both know what will happen, Raven. And it’s not what I’m looking for,” Anya replies knowingly.

“It won’t be,” Raven shakes her head and Anya rolls her eyes at her best friend’s persistence.

“It won’t happen, Raven. Now can you please let me do my work?” Anya replies annoyed.

“Ok, why don’t we hang out together as best friends as we are used to…no dates? Would you be more comfortable?” Raven suggests.

Anya looks at her for a thoughtful moment then insists, “No sex?”

“No sex, cross my heart and hope to die”.

“Ok, now leave,” Anya says and Raven walks out with a grin, “Thank you!”

**France; Griffin’s household;**

Clarke is a mess by now, she keeps calling Finn but he is not answering. She scolds herself for letting him stop her from going after Lexa. She should have been the one going after her. Lexa showed up to her place to see her, not Finn.

She paces in her living-room, phone in hand alternating her calls between Finn and her mother but to no avail. She knows her mother is in a big surgery today but she can’t help herself insisting.

About an hour later, she gives up and rushes to her bedroom where she takes the letters Lexa sent her and looks intently at them. Just two days ago, she was not willing to read them she was not ready but now after seeing Lexa’s eyes looking painfully at her she can’t wait any longer.

She has to read them, maybe she will get an answer for why Lexa is here? She told her she would wait but now she came across the world to her doorstep, it is not waiting.

Clarke expects the worst, she imagines reading Lexa telling her about her and Costia coming back together. Maybe that’s why she is in France.

Clarke feels her heart aching and her head about to explode so she takes the first letter and opens it with shaky hands.

**“** _My dear Clarke;_

_It has been more than a week since you left. My home is not a home anymore, it is void and cold. My friends left, my brother did and so did you. It feels like the old days when I was a kid._

_Enough of sad memories. I’m just trying to explain the purpose of my letter. I am not writing to pressure you. I told you I will wait as long as it takes. Don’t feel obligated to write back._

_The thing is you are my best friend. Even after the heart break we have been through you still are my best friend. The crazy princess who saved me from the darkest place. As you may have noticed, your paintings are the only decoration I have in my bedroom. I was sitting on my bed yesterday and I couldn’t help recalling the old days when we were young, when we were best friends, when we had nothing holding us away from one another._

_It was the happiest days of my life, I don’t remember telling you that because obviously I was never one to express myself. So now that I feel like we may have a chance to move forward and let the painful part of our past behind us I want to tell you all the things I never told you before because either I was afraid, shy or just stupid to not do it._

_I would like to start with the first time we met. Even before you came and gave me the Carambar candy at recess, I saw you. I was feeling sad, lonely and on verge of tears when I heard your laugh. I looked at you and I don’t know why a smile crept on my lips. You made me smile just by being you, just by waving at Jake. I remember I felt jealous seeing you two together. You had a father’s love something I never had but then I was lucky enough to know him and receive as much love as if I was his own daughter._

_From that day on, you always found a way to bring a smile on my face and that is why I felt comfortable enough to be friends with you. I know I was the most boring friend a six years old might have but you stuck with me and you overwhelmed me with your happiness and joy._

_You have always had this power on me even now, even when I look at the only picture I have of us I smile. I want you to know whenever I feel down or miss you I just look at that picture and it helps me. It helps me because I know that I have had a good share of happiness in my life by your side, that my life haven’t been only sadness. That I was lucky enough to meet someone like you._

_That’s it for this letter, maybe I will write you again and tell you about something else maybe not. I don’t know yet, I want to share with you everything that ever crossed my mind or heart because you always were spontaneous with me and I never was. I want us to have another chance and if you ever agree, I want you to know everything about me._

_I want to apologize for leaving you, I did not have a choice but believe me if I knew it will break us I would have done more to stay with you. I tried, I argued with father to let me stay longer but I had no power to fight him, I was helpless._

_I tried to wake you up before leaving but you looked so peaceful in your sleep I could not disturb you by insisting so I kissed you and left. I should have insisted I know but now is not the time for regrets. I spent the last decade of my life in regrets and now I want to do things right._

_If something ever happens to me I don’t want you to think that I left you, that I abandoned you because I would never do that. I don’t want to leave any space for doubts or misunderstanding between us._

_Never doubt my feelings for you, Clarke._

_Affectionately yours;_

_Lexa;”_

Clarke stares blankly at the letter between her hands, Lexa’s handwriting has always been a neat one even when she was a kid like everything else in her. She was always clean, neat and perfectly dressed.

At the memory of them together of what she just read and the last line Lexa wrote her, an involuntary whimper escapes her lips and tears spill over the sides of her eyes. She regrets not reading the letter sooner. It would have brightened her day to know that Lexa is opening up to her and trying to make things right this time around.

She quickly opens the other letters not lingering on the details because she doesn’t have time. She needs to find Lexa and tell her why she didn’t read her letters. Tell her that what she saw is not what she thinks, that her and Finn are not together anymore and tells her that she loves her back more than words can ever communicate.

With each letter she opens, Clarke learns more about Lexa. About her days and their past about some little details she was oblivion to. The one that shocked her the most is the fourth one in which Lexa tells her about the first time she came back to France after they were separated.

_“...One thing I did not have the time to tell you the day I brought you in my office and we talked, I wanted to but when you told me about Jake I was in a mess and I forgot. Also since you are back in my life we did not really have the time to talk much, we were caught up in our emotions and figuring out how to be around each other._

_I came back to France a year later for a summer job father instructed me to do. It was my first time travelling on my own and I was so nervous, I wanted to see you even if you broke my heart (at least that’s what I thought) but I could not. I recognized the way to your home I walked there and kept standing on the other side. Somehow I wished you would go out and see me, I wished that you would want to talk to me and come and tell me that you regret not contacting me but nothing happened._

_I really wanted to cross the road and knock on you door but I was too paralyzed by my fears, I was afraid of what I might hear and how might be your reaction when you will see me._

_I never told you why I never tried to reach you. The reason is that I thought that you were disgusted by my anatomy. It was a huge handicap for me and you were the first person that knew about my extra appendage except for my father and Finn. No one knew and when you were ok with it I was the happiest, I felt better and started feeling good in my own body._

_But then after our first night together and my departure when I got nothing from you, no phone call no letter nothing my insecurities and loneliness got the best of me and I thought you were disgusted and regretted what happened. It took me years to get over it and started feeling better in my body thanks to Finn, Raven and Anya but mostly thanks to Costia. She was the one who made me feel good, made me feel beautiful again and that’s why she is dear to me…”_

Clarke clutches the letter in her hand against her chest feeling her heart aching. Lexa thought that she was disgusted by her and regretted their first time. Lexa was few steps away from her but she did nothing because she broke her self-esteem not willingly but that’s what Lexa believed.

A year later, her father was dead and he had asked her to look after her. She could have looked for her but she did not because she was angry, hurt and broken too. She could have tried just like Lexa could have knocked on her door but none of them did a first move and it cost them so much. It cost them the loss of a best friend a lover and a soulmate.

Clarke knows it is stupid but she feels jealous, she feels jealous that Costia is the one who helped Lexa feeling good in her body while she was the one who broke her. She feels jealous because Lexa was her best friend her first love and last one. She was entitled to that role, to be the dearest person to Lexa and make her see herself the way she sees her, perfect.

She takes a deep breath and tries to call Finn again, when she finds that his phone is off she panics. It means that something happened between him and Lexa, something bad which made him want to disappear once again. She calls her mother again but no answer.

She takes the letters and rushes outside. She wants to find Lexa before she leaves again. She wants to find her and talk to her. She wants to tell her that she read her letters not all of them she will read the remaining ones later. She wants to tell her she regrets not reading them and she wants to give her the letter she wrote for her but never posted.

Clarke starts with the most luxurious hotels but unfortunately every hotel she gets in they refuse to disclose the names of their clients. She tries everything, bribery, begging and even flirting but to no avail. After the fifth attempt and failure Clarke sits defeated in a bench. She takes a letter she did not read yet and opens it.

_“Dear Clarke;_

_This morning I was thinking about our last encounter just before you left. I told you the words, I don’t know if it was the right thing to do but I needed you to know. It was selfish of me, I should have waited at least but I could not accept the idea of you leaving to the other part of the world without knowing how I feel about you._

_I think you already knew I just gave you a confirmation. I remember the first time you told me I love you, do you remember? It was always easy for you to say the words, you grew up hearing them and feeling it._

_Not me, that’s why the first time you told me I love you, it took me by surprise. You made me realize that I love you too, that I love. You taught me love, you were the first person to tell me I love you._

_It was in Christmas eve, it was the first and last time I had a sleep over. That Christmas eve I had experienced a lot of firsts with you, Jake and Abby. Christmas spirit, a real family Christmas dinner, staying late till midnight in front of the tv, a goodnight kiss and the most precious thing, Love. I also woke up with a little problem, you cuddled against me and wouldn’t let go of me and it only made it worse. I felt terrible and hated myself for what I had felt between my legs because of you and that’s the reason why I avoided you for two weeks or was it more? I don’t know but I remember it felt like months. I missed you so much that it hurt._

_I have to thank you for saving me, for saving my heart and warming it with your love. If it was not you, I wouldn’t have learnt what love is. I would have been just like my father, cold hearted._

_I keep thinking, trying hard to find a way to thank you, to repay you for all the things you brought into my life for all the joy, the laughs, the smiles, the tenderness, the happiness, and the love but I can’t._

_Nothing can be good enough for you, at least nothing I can think of. A whole life time would not be enough so I hope that if you can think of anything I can do or anyway I can repay you and thank you, just tell me. Tell me I will do anything in my power…..”_

Clarke’s reading is interrupted by the ringing of her phone, she takes it and lets out a breath, relieved to find that it is her mother.

“Mom, Lex-” Clarke can’t help the gut-wrenching sob that tore through her chest, she couldn’t even speak properly but Abby heard enough to know it may be about Lexa.

“What’s going on sweety?”

“She’s…here and…she left,” Clarke lets out between sobs, “I can’t…she left…I can’t find her!”

To what Abby has gathered Lexa is here but left. “I’ll see what I can do, honey,” She says then hears Clarke again, “I love her mom!”

It breaks her heart to hear her daughter crying over the phone while she can’t do anything from where she is. She can’t comfort her, “I know honey, I know:” Because mothers know these things, always.

**Lexa’s hotel suite;**

Lexa is laying on the bed crying her heart out at the emotional talk she had with Finn barely two hours ago when her phone starts chiming. Without looking at it Lexa pushes it away refusing to talk because clearly she is crying and whoever is on the phone would know that.

However, it was not enough tossing her phone away or ignoring the ringing because they are insisting and even sending text messages. Lexa sighs and takes her phone to check who it is.

When she sees that it is Abby, her eyes widen it means she knows. It means Clarke told her and now she is calling to talk to her. She takes a deep breath trying to recollect herself and clears her throat so that Abby won’t notice that she was crying before she picks up.

“Finally!” Lexa hears, “I swear, you and Clarke are going to give me a heart attack one day with your stupidity”.

Lexa is silent, she doesn’t know what she should say except apologize maybe? She knows Abby is right, she has been trying so hard to kick some sense in her and apparently in Clarke too.

“I’m sorry. I won’t bother you anymore Abby,” Lexa apologizes honestly she is going to go back to her life and try and forget about Clarke. She broke a wedding, a marriage for nothing. Clarke is back with Finn. She needs to go back to her life and focus on her work, that’s all she has left anyway since Finn just walked away for good.

“What the hell are you saying?” Abby exclaims rather angrily before adding, “I need to see you and don’t you dare leave before I do”. Lexa hears Abby saying in a threatening tone.

“Ok,” It is all Lexa could manage to utter.

“God! Listen! You better text me your address now and I will come by whenever I’m done with my shift at the hospital, ok?” Abby suggests.

Lexa nods forgetting that Abby can’t see her “Ok,” She replies.

“Good,” Abby says firmly, “Don’t forget to text me the address I’ve to go back to surgery”.

Five minutes later, Clarke’s phone buzzes in her pocket she quickly grabs it and finds two texts from her mom the first one, an address and a second one.

 ** _Mom:_** **_Go get your girl!_**

Clarke smiles eyes blurred with tears at the texts. Finally, some hope washes over her chest. She gathers the letters scattered on the bench and her lap and rushes to the address of the hotel.

When she finally gets to the address her mother texted her, she does not try her luck this time. She sits at the entrance of the hotel and waits for Lexa to show up. She waits until it is dark but still Lexa doesn’t show up. She starts to freak out, what if Lexa already left? Not wanting to waste any time, she decides to call her mom and ask her when will Lexa be leaving.

She paces in front of the hotel’s entrance shivering from the autumn breeze, still wearing the dress she had this morning when getting ready to go out with Finn. Her mind racing, her heart barely beating she is exhausted and she wants only one thing is to see Lexa again, just one more time to let her know how she feels.

When Lexa finally gets out of her hotel needing a walk her heart jumps at the sight of Clarke sitting with letters in hand still wearing her dress while it is cold. She feels her heart beating again but then quickly the image of Clarke and Finn smiling flashes in her eyes.

“Clarke!” She lets out confused.

Clarke looks at her eyes filled with tears, “It’s not what you think!” Clarke walks closer to her shaking her head, “me and Finn we’re not together….we’re not-”

Lexa’s heart breaks at the sight of Clarke’s tears, “I…I’m sorry I didn’t read your letters…but I just did and I wish I had,” Clarke is mumbling gesturing at the letters in her hands “not all of them…I couldn’t finish them. I needed to find you first”.

Lexa is speechless, she staring at Clarke, her own tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. She feels her heart sinking when Clarke whispers, “I thought you left”.

She shakes her head in lieu of a response then Clarke adds, “I thought you left me”. Lexa gasps feeling an ache in her heart at Clarke’s words.

Clarke gives Lexa a teary smile taking a step closer, getting into her personal space. Lexa’s heart is beating hard against her chest. She wants to wipe the tears away from Clarke’s cheeks, she wants to comfort her, she wants to cry, she want to kiss her but she can’t move.

Just a few minutes ago she was thinking that she would never see Clarke ever again. Maybe it’s for the best, maybe this time she will get over her thinking it is an unrequited love but now there is hope. And now, Clarke is standing in front of her with the letters she sent her and she is crying because she thought she left her.

Seeing Lexa’s lack of response, Clarke feels her heart breaking even more and she starts mumbling once again, “I didn’t get to finish the letters…but I want you to know that there is…a way to thank me to repay or whatever you said in your letters…you can forgive me and don’t…don’t leave me”.

Lexa’s heart melts at Clarke’s shaky voice, she lets out a choked sob but Clarke misses it because of her own tears and her mumbling, “I don’t think I can….I can’t see you leaving me again. Don’t! Don’t leav-“

Lexa is too overwhelmed to say anything, how can she make Clarke understand everything she is feeling right now? She can’t, not now. So instead of words, she silences Clarke’s rambling with her lips. She cups Clarke’s face in her hands and claims her lips with a searing kiss.

First, it’s messy and needy. Lexa could taste both the saltiness of Clarke’s tears and her own along with the familiar sweetness of Clarke’s lips. Then, Clarke realizes and drops the letters in her hands and fists Lexa’s shirt bringing her impossibly closer to deepen the kiss making Lexa smile against her lips.

Lexa doesn’t know what is going to happen, she doesn’t care because Clarke is here with her and kissing her back. She feels Clarke’s tongue against her lip and her brain shuts off.

She forgets about everything and everyone around them, all her brain acknowledges is her beating heart, Clarke’s lips against her own and Clarke’s arms, which are now around her waist molding their bodies together.

After a moment, Lexa pulls back giving them both the chance to catch their breath, “I will always be with you Clarke”. Lexa’s eyes are shining with both hope and tears.

Her words are comforting; Clarke spent hours waiting to see her again hoping that she is still here, that it is not too late for her, for them.

Clarke feels all the sadness, the love, the missing that accumulated for years, along with the fear of losing Lexa once again, hit her heart all at once. Without saying anything, she nuzzles into Lexa’s neck and breathes her in.

Lexa’s heart flutters like she is eighteen again when Clarke used to snuggle into her. It’s a familiar feeling, yet so strange that wraps her heart and causes her tears to spill down her cheeks once again. This time, it’s different though.

Clarke pulls back wanting to look into Lexa’s green eyes and sees that Lexa is crying too.“Don’t cry,” She says while wiping Lexa’s tears with her cold hands.

Lexa chuckles between sniffles, “These are happy tears, Clarke”. Then, she kisses Clarke’s face and looks at her and says, “You’re shivering”.

“I’ve been waiting for hours in this stupid dress,” Clarke explains and Lexa feels guilty, “Let’s get inside and get you warm”.

Lexa helps Clarke gathering the letters on the ground before they walk back into her hotel. Clarke feels more than happy, she is here with Lexa and she just kissed her. She kissed her in the same neighborhood that witnessed their innocent friendship grow into something more, a relationship.

Once they are in, Lexa walks to her still packed bag, she takes a hoodie, a pair of sweatpants and gives them to Clarke who rushes to the bathroom to change. When she comes back, Lexa sees her nuzzling the collar of her hoodie with a hint of a smile on her face. The scene warms Lexa’s heart to no end, “Feeling better?”

Clarke blushes instantly at being caught and nods. She grabs the letters from the countertop where she left them when they got in then walks to the bed and sits looking expectedly at Lexa.

“Did you have dinner yet?” Lexa asks then quickly adds, “Of course not, that’s a silly question”. She rings the room service and orders dinner before joining Clarke on the bed.

Lexa is anxious, she doesn’t know how things are going to be now that Clarke is with her instead with Finn. Is she ready? She doubts it because if she was she wouldn’t have waited for today to open her letters.

She sighs looking into her blue eyes trying to find something that can ease her fears. She is dreading what may come next out of Clarke’s mouth who is staring right back into her green eyes silently.

It is only now that Clarke notices the redness and puffiness in Lexa’s eyes and it pains her realizing that Lexa has been crying. She wants to know what’s going on in Lexa’s mind, she wants to know what happened between her and Finn but refrains to ask. It’s obvious that things didn’t go well.

“Did you read all of them?”

Clarke shakes her head, “I was trying to find you”.

“Right,” Lexa recalls.

“Would you mind reading them for me?” Clarke asks warily.

Lexa is taken aback by Clarke’s request then nods taking the letters from her. Clarke scoots closer to her then lets out awkwardly, “Is it ok if I..” Clarke doesn’t know how to say it so instead she scoots even closer almost cuddling Lexa and continues, “…if I do this?” She takes Lexa’s right arm and puts it around her shoulder.

Lexa’s breath hitches, Clarke is trying to be as close as possible to her. A blush creeps onto her cheeks. “Please,” she breathes out and Clarke smiles contently.

She manages to read the sixth letter to Clarke with a calm voice, she doesn’t know how but now her hand is caressing Clarke’s hair while Clarke’s arm is around her waist. It feels natural but awkward at the same time dreading the moment they will have to part and go back to their real messy lives that brought them to this exact moment.

Lexa untangles her hand from Clarke’s hair to fold the letter. She puts it back in its envelope then asks, “Do you want me to read the last one?”

“I’d love that”.

Lexa smiles at her and opens her last letter then reads it. Feeling Clarke stiffening against her, Lexa stops reading not wanting to make Clarke uncomfortable or pressure her with her letters.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Clarke doesn’t reply, feeling guilty for ignoring Lexa all this time and not opening her letters while they were mostly about their childhood and some confessions from Lexa nothing that can pressure her really.

Lexa looks away feeling like Clarke doesn’t want to hear the second part of her last letter and starts folding it but Clarke stops her, “Please carry on”. Lexa complies but her voice wavers at the end because Clarke pulls back from her body a little bit and sits in front of her to face her.

“This is it. This is why I showed up at your door this morning,” Lexa arguments and Clarke nods silently. “I shouldn’t have barged like that but I really was feeling…I’m sorry Clarke”.

“That’s ok, Lexa,” Clarke replies giving her an envelope, “I should be the one apologizing, not you. I wrote this when I received your first letter but didn’t post it”.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks, not certain if Clarke really wants her to read her letter or not because if she really wanted it, she would have posted it.

“Yeah,” Clarke smiles at her nervously.

Clarke looks at Lexa’s eyes roaming over her letter, reading it quickly. She can’t help staring at her, watching emotions unfold over her beautiful face. By the end, she could see a ghost of a smile on Lexa’s plum lips and tears welling green eyes.

Lexa manages to finish the letter without crying. She looks up at Clarke who can see the sadness in her eyes. She wants to ask her if she knows what she wants but refrains knowing that she won’t get an answer. At least not what she hopes for because clearly, this happening and Clarke reading her letters and talking to her is prompted mostly by her arrival.

None of them dares to speak, they are facing one another but not meeting each other’s eyes. The silence is heavy and full of tension, full of unanswered questions, full of fear.

Clarke is afraid that Lexa hates her by now, she hopes she will forgive her. She feels guilty of what might have happened between Lexa and Finn, she wants to ask her but she feels that it will only make things worse.

And Lexa is afraid to ask all the questions she has in her mind now, ‘ _What do you want? What are we? Are you ready? Are you and Finn back together because this is what it seemed like earlier. What am I to you? Do you even feel anything for me?_ ’

Too many questions that might ruin or make her life better.

“I’m sorry, Lexa! I really am…for all what I’ve put you through,” Clarke says feeling guilty.

“And I’m sorry for coming unannounced…it wasn’t my intention to pressure you,” Lexa shakes her head, “I just couldn’t wait to know why?”

“You don’t need to apologize, Lexa. I’m to blame, I haven’t read your letters, I should have. It was stupid, I just…I’m afraid,” Clarke confesses fidgeting with the hem of Lexa’s hoodie.

“Afraid of what?” Lexa can’t help asking.

“Myself, us!” Clarke quickly replies and Lexa frowns. There can’t be a ‘ _them’_ while her and Finn, are clearly not over one another yet.

“There’s no us to worry about, Clarke. You and Finn-” Lexa points out before Clarke interjects, “I told you there’s nothing between us anymore. What you saw this morning, it’s not what you think, Lexa. We were just going out for lunch together”.

“I don’t get it, in your letter you say that he’s not answering your calls yet you guys are having dates,” Lexa replies feeling jealous.

“Lexa! Look at me,” Clarke insists, “Few days ago, he showed up at my doorstep and we talked…we talked things out about our wedding and everything and today he came back and I told him about us,” Lexa locks her eyes with Clarke’s at the revelation, Clarke told Finn about ‘them’, her heart aches painfully.

“I told him about us, and how we met, mostly about our past and then we decided to get lunch that’s all, that’s that happened,” Clarke says while Lexa gets off the bed.

“Lexa?!” Clarke’s voice is full of worry, she doesn’t understand why Lexa felt the need to get away from her.

Lexa says nothing, she heard Clarke but she doesn’t know what to say except, “I shouldn’t have come”. She realizes that by coming here she made the wrong move, she made things worse with Finn instead of fixing them.

She feels like she needs to get her brother back before daring to want Clarke fully back in her life.

She can’t help remembering the way Finn looked at her, with hate because she loves Clarke and if she stays here with her it will only hurt him further just like she felt when she saw him with Clarke.

“You should leave, Clarke!” She says shaking her head, tears running down her cheeks. She doesn’t really want Clarke to leave but she feels like this is the right thing to do. She knows if Clarke stays her feelings will consume her common sense and she will only want her.

The words hit Clarke’s heart like an arrow, she wasn’t expecting to hear them, she gets off the bed and tugs at Lexa’s elbow to get her attention, “Look at me! Is it what you really want?” She asks feeling hurt and Lexa shakes her head.

“Then why are you telling me this?” Clarke asks but Lexa doesn’t reply she is looking everywhere but into her eyes.

“Because I can’t…I can’t have you both,” Lexa says sniffling.

“You’re choosing him?” Clarke replies, eyes blurred by her own tears but she can see Lexa nodding.

“Then why are you here?” Clarke cries out pushing Lexa harshly.

“It doesn’t matter anymore”.

“Yes it does, it does matter…I love you and you’re choosing him,” Clarke yells back and before Lexa can say anything Clarke adds, “I won’t accept that, no! Don’t you dare give up on me, on us again, Lexa”

Lexa blinks few tears away to look at Clarke not believing what she just heard, Clarke loves her, and she is telling her that she doesn’t accept Lexa choosing her brother instead of choosing her. She can’t help the smile plastered on her face which is now a mess, her eyes red and watery and her cheeks are wet.

Clarke can see the unasked question in Lexa’s eyes and resumes not giving her the time to say anything, “I love you…I love everything about you and I can’t Lexa, I can’t let again someone or something get between us, between our love…I want you and I know that you feel the same for me, that’s why I’m stubbornly choosing you…I’m not leaving my best friend, my soulmate”.

Lexa is a mess by now Clarke’s words are dismantling her, disarming her from all her power and senses. She can’t believe what she is hearing, this is way more than she was expecting and wishing for when she came. She thought Clarke will take time **if** she would ever tell her how she feels.

Clarke is looking at Lexa, waiting for her to say anything. But all Lexa can do now, is smile with tears spilling down her cheeks. She can’t bring herself to reciprocate the words Clarke is saying even if she is feeling them. Instead she engulfs Clarke in a strong hug and kisses her hair, her forehead then pushes it away from her face and cups her face in her hands tenderly and whispers, “Thank you”

Clarke smiles at her and says again, “I love you” She can’t get enough from saying it then Lexa kisses her lips before finally reciprocating, “I love you too”.

Clarke wipes her own tears then Lexa’s looking adoringly at her beautiful green eyes before pulling her for another kiss, it is demanding and desperate. When Lexa feels the back of her knees meet the bed, she pulls back and looks at Clarke whose hands are tugging at her shirt aching to feel her skin.

“Clarke wait!” She doesn’t need to say anything else, Clarke gets it this is not the right time. “I just want to feel you, to be in your arms,” She explains and Lexa nods in understanding then takes off her shirt, grabs Clarke’s hand in hers and places it on the skin over her chest.

Clarke smiles and lets her fingertips caress the skin over Lexa’s heart. She moves them slowly to her sides then to her back letting both the palms of her hands relishing at the feeling of Lexa’s skin.

“You’re beautiful,’ Clarke whispers, she wants more but feels shy to ask Lexa for it, she wants to feel her skin against her own but Lexa just stopped her. Their eyes lock and Lexa can’t fight the urge to kiss her again.

The kiss is slow and affectionate. Lexa doesn’t hold back anymore, this is the only way she can express her love and all the unsaid words. She lets her own hands under the hoodie Clarke is wearing and caresses Clarke’s waist before parting her lips from Clarke’s keeping their forehead against one another.

“Can I?” Lexa asks Clarke who breathes out a barely audible, “Yes” giving Lexa permission to take off the insulting garment. As soon as Clarke’s skin is revealed, Lexa places a soft kiss on her heart and hugs her again letting her skin against Clarke’s.

“Is it what you wanted?” She asks and Clarke hums against the skin of her neck.

They are interrupted by the room service that Lexa ordered, she grabs the hoodie and goes to answer the door then comes back pushing the room service table but doesn’t find Clarke where she left her. She goes to the bathroom and finds her refreshing up, no sweatpants on. Clarke looks at her with a smile and tells her that she should do the same before eating Lexa happily agrees.

When she comes out of the bathroom, she finds Clarke sitting legs crossed on the bed with a plate in her hands already eating. Her heart warms at the sight.

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten the whole day,” Clarke says with a blush.

Lexa smiles at her, takes a plate and joins her on the bed. She forces herself to eat a little after the drinks she had this morning and the tiring day, she needs some food in her system to wake up good enough for what is waiting for her the next day.

They eat silently, Clarke eats from both her plate and Lexa’s. The brunette enjoys the peaceful endearing moment which feels a lot like a stolen moment from their childhood, she feels like they are reenacting it. When she is done she puts her own plate on the table and lays back on the bed and waits for Clarke to finish. She knows they need to talk and figure out what they are and what they should do.

Clarke lays on Lexa’s side and cuddles into her. It makes her heart thumping hard like a teenager at the proximity of his crush.

“This is not what I wanted,” Clarke says tugging at Lexa’s hoodie making Lexa blush.

“Right, let me fix it,” She replies then stands up and takes it off along with her pants and changes into her sleeping shorts before she goes back to bed. Clarke smiles at her approvingly and cuddles back into her.

“That’s better”.

They cuddle for a long time. No words needed when Clarke’s light touches and Lexa’s soft kisses and caresses are there to express more than enough. They both want more but they are too tired for anything, they have all the time they need for more or so they hope. All they need now is enjoy each other’s presence they missed so much.

Lexa is the first one to speak, “Clarke, we really need to talk”.

“I know,” Clarke says placing a chaste kiss on Lexa’s neck.

“I don’t know where to begin, there are a lot of questions-“ Lexa sighs, “and a lot of things we have to deal with before I leave and I can’t stay here for too long”.

“Is it enough if I tell you I love you?” Clarke asks warming Lexa’s heart.

Lexa chuckles, “It’s more than enough but we nee-“ Lexa is interrupted by Clarke’s lips on hers. She moans when Clarke’s teeth tug at her lip which boosts Clarke for more. She strokes tentatively her tongue over Lexa’s plump lip then meets her tongue. Lexa can’t bring herself stopping her, even if she knows she should. They need to talk before anything can happen between them but the sweet taste of Clarke’s tongue is so addictive.

Clarke ends up straddling Lexa, Lexa’s hands are on her hips trying to keep her from moving south to avoid getting fully hard. She doesn’t want their second first time to be like this, in a hotel room while their minds and hearts are blinded by their emotions. She wants them to first figure out whatever the hell they are.

Lexa pushes herself on a sitting position never leaving Clarke’s lips holding her body closer, bringing her on top of her lap before parting from the kiss, “Clarke please!”

Clarke stops and looks into Lexa’s green eyes and Lexa feels like she is reaching for her heart and kissing it just with her eyes.

“I want you, I do, so bad. But I need to know where we are standing,” Lexa says trying hard to focus while Clarke is on her lap only in her underwears.

“You’re right,” Clarke replies getting off Lexa’s lap and sitting back next to her.

“I don’t know where we’re standing Lexa!” She lets out, “…all I know is that I love you and I want to be with you…how? I don’t know!” She shakes her head, “am I ready to leave everything again and follow you? Yes, but I don’t want to do it, Lexa”.

Lexa was not expecting Clarke to be that franc. It hurts a little bit because she was not expecting Clarke to tell her that she doesn’t want to follow her but she understands. Clarke has been through the same and now she is afraid to make the same mistakes again.

“I’m not asking you to leave anything, Clarke! I’d never do that,” Lexa reassures her.

“Then how are we going to be together if I don’t?” Clarke asks.

“I don’t know, Clarke. We’ll think about it...we’ll find something,” Lexa smiles at her.

“What about Finn?” Clarke asks and Lexa stiffens.

“Finn?” Lexa says and Clarke nods.

“I don’t know, he hates me I think I lost him,” Lexa confesses making Clarke’s heart shatter.

“What happened?”

“We fought…it was ugly and he left,” That’s all Lexa could manage to say.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke says taking Lexa’s hand in hers, “I’ll try and talk to him”.

Lexa doesn’t show it but Clarke’s words are hurting her more than soothing her. She shouldn’t need anyone to talk to Finn so he can reconcile with his own sister, cousin the only family he has left. She gulps and forces a smile on her face, “Thank you!”

“Anything for you…for my girlfriend,” Clarke says hesitantly then corrects adding, “my best friend”.

Lexa smiles, “Both, best friend and girlfriend but it’s not going to be easy”.

“Being girlfriends on different continents or being best friends again?”

“Being best friends was never difficult but being girlfriends in a long distance relationship, it is difficult,” Lexa replies.

“When do you need to leave?” Clarke asks sad.

“I shouldn’t be here in the first place…I should be back home because things are bumpy at work lately,” Lexa explains honestly.

“You’re leaving tomorrow?” Clarke asks warily.

“I should,” Lexa answers breaking Clarke’s heart.

“That’s…unfair. I just…we just reconnected.Well, we’re barely reconnecting, we’re trying and you have to leave already?” Clarke stutters feeling an ache in her heart.

“I told you it’s not going to be easy, Clarke!” Lexa says.

Clarke looks down, Lexa’s hand is still between her hands she smiles at it she always loved Lexa’s hands and slender fingers. Everything in Lexa is beautiful, she loves every part of her. She looks back at Lexa with a sad smile, “So you’re saying that you are leaving tomorrow?”

“No, no I’m not…but I will eventually have to do it soon” Lexa explains.

The answer doesn’t satisfy Clarke, “How much time do I have left with you?”

“Hopefully forever,” Lexa replies, “But if you mean before I go back to work and my life back in the US, I’d say as long as my girlfriend wants me here” She shrugs.

Clarke’s heart jumps into her chest, she slaps Lexa’s arm playfully and jumps back on her lap.

“She is a lucky woman, your girlfriend,” She says wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck and kisses her languorously.

Lexa can’t help wrapping her arms around Clarke’s waist deepening the kiss, not wanting to stop. She never felt something as strong as the feeling of having Clarke, the love of her life, in her arms kissing her their skins touching.

It is different from when Costia kisses her. She can feel it in her heart, in how bad she wants more, how everything is enhanced and feels better and right because she is in love.

When Clarke pulls back she places soft kisses on Lexa’s face before meeting her eyes, “I don’t want you to leave…ever. How about that?”

Lexa looks at her feeling the same, she doesn’t want to leave Clarke for a second they were separated for long enough.

“Do you trust me?” Lexa asks Clarke with a smile on her face and Clarke nods before giving her a peck on the lips.

“I’ll find a way, Clarke. I will always find my way back to you, always!” Lexa promises.

“What about our friends? Do we tell them?” Clarke asks.

Lexa sighs, she doesn’t know if she is ready to let her friends know that she is with Clarke.

“I don’t want to jeopardize it, Clarke. I don’t want Finn to think…we should give him time”.

“Of course,” Clarke smiles at her, “I just think we shouldn’t keep secrets, look where it got us”.

“I know,” Lexa replies laying back on the bed while Clarke is still on her lap. Clarke lays carefully on Lexa who wraps an arm around her waist and flips them to the side.

“I gotta go to the bathroom first,” She says awkwardly. If she let Clarke against her a minute longer, she will get a fully hard and she knows she won’t be able to stop herself.

Clarke whines in disapproval, “Be quick, I want to make the most of our time together”.

When Lexa comes back to bed Clarke cuddles into her, she can’t keep herself from caressing her hair and whispering sweet words which made Clarke sleepy. She tried to fight it but couldn’t so before she closes her eyes once again she looks at Lexa and tells her, “Wake me up before you leave, please?”

Lexa feels a sting in her heart at Clarke’s words, “I am not leaving, Clarke. I promise”.

She places a soft kiss on her lips then Clarke puts her head back on her chest and sleeps in no time. She is in the arms of the woman she loves, in the arms of her best friend she has nothing to worry about.

However, Lexa couldn’t close her eyes for a minute that night. She had a tough day, which ended in the best way possible, yes. But, she still have to face many obstacles before she can be fully with Clarke.

She spends the night trying to think about a way to be with Clarke without pushing her to sacrifice anything. The only alternative is that she comes and live in France but she will put her companies at stake.

She spends a restless night prepping for what is coming next at ~~her,~~ at them now.


	13. Chapter 13

Clarke wakes up with a smile on her face but then quickly it disappears under a worried face. She opens her eyes and checks the other side of the bed before relaxing again.

Lexa is here, she didn’t leave, just as she promised.

It’s not that she didn’t believe her when she promised she wouldn’t leave without waking her up, it is just that Clarke is afraid. She is still afraid because her last thoughts were, ‘ _What if I wake up and it is just a dream? What if I wake up and she is not here? What if?_ ’

Lexa is sleeping on her side, her back facing Clarke and the sheets are barely covering her legs. Clarke moves closer, she can’t fight the urge to touch Lexa’s skin to feel that she is real. To realize she is not just daydreaming.

It feels like a dream, she is here laying next to Lexa. Kissing and tracing invisible patterns on her back. She is breathing the same air Lexa is.

She wants more, she wants to pull Lexa is her arms or spoon her but refrains. She can’t be selfish, Lexa needs to rest, she had a long flight and an emotionally draining day all at once.

So instead of troubling Lexa’s sleep, Clarke gets out of bed as smoothly as possible and grabs her phone then comes back to bed. She wants to memorize this moment, she wants to capture this peaceful moment as long as it is lasting.

She doesn’t know what is waiting for them. Will Lexa regret her decision? Will she ask her to leave like she did yesterday just because she feels guilty about Finn? She doesn’t know and she doesn’t want to know.

After taking a picture of Lexa, Clarke puts her phone back and scoots closer to her, close enough to breathe her in, close enough to hear her breathing and close enough for her brain to realize that Lexa is real. She rolls her eyes at how needy and clingy she is being.

Despite her decision to let Lexa have some sleep, she wants her to wake up. So to not submit to her clingy teenage self, Clarke closes her eyes again and tries to have some sleep now that she appeased her worries but she can’t.

She can’t doze off while her brain is working nonstop, collecting memories from the past and creating new ones. All of which involve her and Lexa together. Daydreams she never had with Finn, reveries that never crossed her mind, and details she never thought of having with Finn or anyone else.

Clarke feels her heart swell in her chest but then realizes that they are only thoughts. Her Lexa is very real and sleeping next to her. She realizes that she needs to go back to reality and work for her daydreams harder this time.

She flips on her side and loses herself in Lexa, asleep or not she is her girlfriend she is her soulmate, her love, and she is entitled to wake her up with kisses and caresses if she wants too.

Lexa wakes up to Clarke’s lips on her skin but she doesn’t dare to interrupt. She is loving the new sensations, she has never been woken up with so much tenderness, nor has she ever felt so happy after a sleepless night.

But a few minutes later, she couldn’t keep still any longer. Her body was asking for more and her heart was yearning to experience a morning Clarke.

“Morning,” She lets out turning to face Clarke with her eyes still closed.

“Sorry, I woke you up!” Clarke blushes, not really sorry about waking her up. Lexa smiles in lieu of a response.

Clarke feels the need to explain, “I missed you…I think we should enjoy out time together before you leave” Her voice is husky and soft at the same time and Lexa loves it.

Lexa opens her eyes saying, “We shouldn’t-“ but then the words die in her throat, she zones out at the sight of blue eyes and spontaneously smiles.

“I love you,” She whispers with a smile.

Clarke feels like she is sixteen again, her heart is beating so hard against her chest and she feels butterflies in her stomach. She smiles back at Lexa and snuggles into her.

“Emm, I don’t want you to leave!” She whines.

“Can we talk about something else?” Lexa asks needing to enjoy a moment without the bitter reminder of their reality.

“We don’t have to talk at all,” Clarke pulls back meeting her eyes with a grin, Lexa smiles back at her.

Clarke bites her lip, Lexa’s smile is so beautiful. It is submerging her deeper in love. She can’t help towering Lexa, leaving soft kissing all over her neck. And all Lexa can do is fall back on her pillow and expose her neck further for Clarke to devour.

She enjoys it. Feeling Clarke’s morning sweet kisses turn into more passionate nipping at her skin, she could feel her everywhere not only on her skin but also in her heart and much lower in her shorts. She could feel her boxer briefs getting tighter and uncomfortable by the minute.

Clarke can’t bring herself to stop, she just can’t. She wants Lexa. She wants to taste every inch of her skin. She wants to get acquainted to every little curve and every weak spot of her Lexa. She feels like she is raced by time, an unfair contestant.

Time, this bitter reminder seems to haunt every one of her thoughts. She stops and her eyes fall on Lexa’s shorts then she looks up at Lexa’s face and her lips twitch in a content smile. Lexa is enjoying herself, her body wants more, Clarke can see it but she doesn’t know if Lexa wants it too.

She hesitates for a few seconds and Lexa already misses the feeling of Clarke’s mouth on her when she opens her eyes to see why she stopped, she finds Clarke’s blue eyes darker with lust staring down at her.

“Hey,” Lexa smiles at her and leans up to meet her lips for a kiss but Clarke tilts her head back.

“I want to touch you,” She murmurs shyly.

Lexa’s eyes widen, she can feel her blood settling on her cheeks. She feels stupid at how easily she is flustered and feels like a teenager again.

“Is it ok?” Clarke asks hesitantly, not sure if Lexa is comfortable with being touched by the girl who broke her self-esteem years ago.

“Of course, I’m…yours,” She replies smiling happily and Clarke beams leaning down to meet her lips for burning kiss. When they part, their eyes lock while Clarke’s hand is gently descending to Lexa’s crotch.

Lexa’s breath hitches at the feeling of Clarke’s hand, she forgets how to breathe when she feels her cock twitching while blue eyes are looking at her with such desire. Her eyes fall on Clarke’s lip which is now between her teeth, she wants to tell her, ‘ _Don’t bite your lip, it’s mine to bite_ ’ but she doesn’t, too busy enjoying Clarke’s hand.

When she looks back at Clarke’s face she notices that she is smirking.

“Blame it on the hot woman who woke me up with kisses,” She excuses her boner.

Clarke chuckles and leans down for a wet, hot and demanding kiss. Lexa can’t control herself, her hands travel to Clarke’s body bringing her closer needing to feel her and touch her burning skin.

She breaks the kiss and breathes out, “I want to see you” While her thumb is brushing gently but firmly over Clarke’s covered erect nipple. Clarke nods not trusting her words neither her breathing, she straddles Lexa properly who leans up to unclasp Clarke’s bra meeting her for another kiss.

She throws the bra away, caressing Clarke’s sides and appreciating the beauty of her breasts that teased her for so long. Then her hand cups one breast while her mouth meets the other one.

Clarke lets out an involuntary moan and Lexa feels Clarke’s hand cupping the nape of her neck keeping her there. She wraps her arm around Clarke’s waist bringing her closer to her mouth, she wants to leave love marks but refrains. She wants to be gentle before she gets carried away, she trails her mouth up to Clarke’s neck then to her jawline while Clarke is rolling her hips down on her, trying to feel some friction where she needs it.

She could feel her arousal soaking her panties, she wants to take it off but Lexa has a hold of her and she can barely move but roll her hips.

“Fuck,” Lexa breathes out at the feeling of Clarke’s wet panties grinding down her abs and meeting accidently her hard cock. Clarke wants to feel ~~something~~ between her legs, she wants to feel Lexa so she pushes her hand against Lexa’s shoulder to stop her, trying meet her eyes. Lexa looks at her blue eyes filled with desire mirroring her own lust waiting for her to say something.

 _“Fais moi l’amour!”_ (Make love to me!) Clarke begs.

Lexa stares into her eyes, she wants it to be special, she wants to do something romantic. A romantic date with Clarke in a special place before going there, taking that step but what’s more romantic than hearing the love of your life asking you to make love to her?

The look Clarke is giving her while waiting for her to say anything, do anything is intimate, pleading and loving. It breaks all the insecurities from the past that may linger in her mind, it beats all the restraints Lexa ever had.

She flips them over and starts showering kisses all over Clarke’s body, carefully laying her body between Clarke’s legs. Clarke moans when she feels Lexa hard against her thigh, so close to where she needs her, yet not right where she wants her.

She wraps her leg around Lexa’s back and tries to push her hips with Lexa’s but then the chiming of Lexa’s phone startles them.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Clarke asks panting under Lexa.

“Ignore it,” Lexa replies and Clarke reaches to unclasp Lexa’s bra and pulls Lexa down to feel their naked chests against one another. The feeling is even more exquisite than Clarke was expecting, so she lowers her other hand tugging at Lexa’s pyjama shorts making Lexa’s cock twitch in anticipation.

Both decide to ignore Lexa’s phone ringing until it stops and the hotel’s phone goes off instead. Lexa pulls back eyes wide ,“Your mom!” Clarke frowns she is about to ask her, ‘ _What about mom?_ ’ When Lexa answers the phone.

In the other side of the line, the hotel’s receptionist is asking Lexa if he should let Mrs.Griffin up to her suite or ask her to wait.

Lexa stutters looking at Clarke like a deer caught in headlights, “I…umm” She covers the phone with one hand and whispers to Clarke, “ _I completely forgot about Abby, do I let her in?_ ”

Clarke shakes her head, “No, God! Not when you’re like that” She gestures at Lexa’s not so discrete tent then at herself, “and I’m like this”.

“Sorry! Could you please set up Mrs.Griffin at the hotel’s café and tell her I’ll be down in a minute,” Lexa says before hanging up.

Clarke raises her eyebrow, “A minute?”

“I’m sorry. I have to…it’s your mom, Clarke! And I can’t be…with her daughter while she is waiting for me downstairs,” Lexa excuses herself stuttering.

“Ok! Do you want me to come with you?” Clarke suggests.

“Hell, no! Certainly not,” Lexa disagrees before running to the bathroom and Clarke huffs frustratingly.

**Few minutes later; At the Hotel’s Café;**

“Rough morning?” Abby asks casually while stirring her coffee. Lexa’s cheeks are crimson red, she barely manages to reply, “Yeah, kind of”.

“Ok, let’s talk seriously,” Abby says after taking a sip from her coffee. She looks right into Lexa’s eyes who can’t help looking away.

“Did you see Clarke?”

Lexa takes a deep breath before answering, “Yes” It starts as an interrogatory and unlike when she is texting or talking to her on the phone, Abby is keeping a serious face.

“Good,” Abby comments eyeing Lexa, “and?”

Lexa’s eyes widen realizing Abby wants to know more. Abby wants to know the details. Lexa gulps before answering, “She was with Finn so I…I left”.

“Ah, that’s why Clarke said you left,” Abby says and Lexa nods.

“Did you talk to her? Because I gave her the hotel’s address”.

“Yeah, kind of?” Lexa replies honestly because they may have expressed their feelings for one another but there are more important things they need to talk about and they haven’t yet.

Abby shifts impatiently in her chair, “I don’t know what happened yesterday but I’m warning you, Lexa! This is the last chance you get from Clarke, do you understand?”

Lexa nods seriously letting Abby saying what she has to say, “stop running away from your feelings and your happiness because even if my daughter is oblivion I’m not, you’re what makes her happy. I know it. So if you ever dare leave again without explanations, or if you ever hurt her, I’ll personally make your life a living hell”.

Lexa blushes because she just was in bed with Clarke. Clarke might still be naked on her bed and Abby thinks that she is running away and that they haven’t told each other about their feelings. Lexa blushes because she doesn’t want to lie to Abby and at the same time she doesn’t know how to inform Abby that they are together.

She clears her throat, trying to recollect her strength before answering, “I won’t leave her. I won’t pressure her into anything she doesn’t want, or feel comfortable doing”.

Abby looks into her eyes, studying them then Lexa adds, “I love her. She’s the love of my life”.

“And don’t make her do things she doesn’t want,” Abby adds.

“I know, I’m not asking her to join me to the US, Abby…I’m trying to think about another alternative but it’s not easy for me as well,” Lexa explains trying to convince Abby that she is in love with her daughter and that she would never do the same mistakes again.

“Ok,” Abby lets out satisfied enough with Lexa’s words, “You better figure it out, and soon. Because you need to be happy too…I want to see you happy,” Finally a smile breaks through Abby’s serious face.

“Thank you, Abby!” Lexa replies with a warm smile.

“Just don’t disappoint us,” Abby says in a warning tone before adding, “me and Jake”.

“Never!” Lexa breathes out tears welling in her eyes. Abby doesn’t miss it. So to avoid making things even more emotional for Lexa and her, she stands up.

“I gotta get back home. I had a long night,” she says with a smile.

Lexa rushes back to Clarke and finds her still in the bed waiting for her, her heart flutters at the sight but she quickly collects herself.

“Clarke! Abby is going home and you should…maybe go too?” She says hesitantly because deep down, she doesn’t want to kick Clarke out but she has to do it otherwise Abby will know that she spent the night with her, which means that Lexa lied to her.

Clarke looks at Lexa confused just a moment ago they were about to share something and now Lexa is asking her to leave.

“Are you kicking me out?”

“Umm…no, Clarke I just don’t want Abby to think that I lied to her…well I did, kind of…anyway I’ll come and pick you up later?” Lexa replies stuttering, the sight of Clarke’s naked body in front of her is a bit distracting.

Clarke pulls herself out of bed covering her breasts with her arm and starts collecting her clothes silently feeling a little bit disappointed. Lexa just popped their bubble so abruptly, she is back into her collected self.

And Lexa doesn’t miss it, Clarke was smiling at her literally seconds ago and now she is silent. She panics and walks to Clarke and stops her, “Hey! I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to ruin our-“ She huffs feelings annoyed at losing her words.

“I get it, I know Lexa! We don’t tell anyone until you’re ready or-“ Clarke replies not meeting Lexa’s eyes.

“What? No! You got me wrong…Abby knows we’re together and we don’t have to hide that’s not what I want!” Lexa cups Clarke’s face in her hands, “I love you and I kept it too long for me. All I want now is to scream it on the rooftops that you are…you’re my girlfriend”.

Clarke feels her heart warming again, Lexa always knew how to butter her up when they were teenagers and she still does. Clarke loved that she gets to see this Lexa that no one knows but her.

She tugs Lexa’s shirt and Lexa meets her lips in a sweet tender kiss, which lasts barely few seconds before Lexa breaths out against her lips, “Now go”.

“What do you have to do today?” Clarke asks while putting her clothes on.

“Nothing, I was hoping that I’d pick you up and we go somewhere?” Lexa shrugs, “spend some time together and talk maybe?”

Clarke smiles at her, “That would be nice, I’ll be waiting for you”.

**Raven’s apartment; Bedroom;**

It’s the middle of the night and Raven is still awake, she can’t shut off her brain and have some sleep. She can’t bring herself to stop worrying over her and Anya.

She knows Anya is doubtful about them together as a couple but she doesn’t understand why. They didn’t even have a real date, yet. All they had is a night full of sex but Anya didn’t tell her that she disliked it or something like this. She knows that it was great sex, for both of them.

However, Anya insisted on ‘ _no sex’_ and Raven agreed because she wanted to have anything that can help to get a chance.

It’s only once she was back home, that the thought popped in her head. ‘ _Maybe Anya thought I used her for sex?_ ’ It’s not. She knows it but Anya doesn’t. Anya somehow pushed her and the possibility of them easily.

‘ _What if Anya is not interested in me anymore? Maybe sex was bad! No, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. It was passionate. What if I’m going to ruin our friendship if I keep on insisting? What if she has a crush on someone else but she doesn’t want to tell me because she is shy or just wants to keep it for herself? God what if it’s Lexa? No, that’s…wait! Me too I wasn’t expecting her to have a crush on me. Fuck!’_ Raven huffs flipping on the other side of her bed.

She needs to stop worrying and shush her crazy thoughts and put her brain for better use. She should think about an idea to convince Anya to give them a chance. She can’t help herself feeling jealous of Anya’s girlfriend which is already a sign for her.

She rarely was the jealous type with Finn but never with her other partners. So, she might have feelings for Anya and much more than she admits to herself. That is why she absolutely wants to have a chance to woo Anya.

She has to convince Anya about her intentions. And in order to succeed, she needs to come clean with herself first. To listen to her heart and so she finds herself listing all the things she likes or hates about Anya.

Suddenly, she is interrupted from her thoughts by the ringing of her cell phone. She rolls on the bed to get to the other side and grabs it.

It’s Finn, her eyes widen, ‘ _What could it be?_ ’ She hopes he is not drunk.

“Hey,” Raven is the first one to speak.

“Hi,” She hears Finn’s heavy voice.

“Is everything ok? What time is it there?” She asks worried.

“It’s..uh! It’s ten…sorry did I wake you up? I didn’t even check what time is at your end”.

“It’s ok.I wasn’t sleeping anyway. Are you ok?”

Raven hears Finn sighs before answering, “A lot happened, Rey. I don’t even know how I feel anymore”.

“Did you see Clarke? Did you talk?” She asks Finn, prompting him to tell her what happened.

“She…yes we talked. It was hard but we did,” Finn replies, “Alex came or was here before me! I don’t know-”

“Lexa? No, she was…she was here two days ago. When you left she was here,” Raven interrupts him before asking again, “what did exactly happen Finn?”

“I talked to Alex too but it was-“ Finn stops taking a deep breath, “I just want to stop feeling like this, Rey". 

"Feeling how?"

"Lost, betrayed….hurt," Finn answers breaking Raven's heart. She keeps silent not knowing the right words to sooth him.

After a moment he adds, "and I'm mad, Rey! At everyone...even you," Raven is taken aback, she wasn't expecting to hear this.

"I’m sorry," She lets out not knowing what to say.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Finn asks his tone heavy with accusations.

"Tell you what?"

"That there was something between them," Finn spits out angrily.

"I...umm I didn't know Finn. I thought...it's stupid really we thought Clarke is a gold digger of some sort and that's all...I didn't know they were exes or whatever," Raven stutters.

"I love her!" Finn lets out with a broken voice and Raven fills her heart sinking.

"I came here because I still love her. Even if she...We were fine, we talked heartedly. We were even going out for lunch but Alex showed up and...and things got out of hand".

“What do you mean ‘get out of hand’?”

“We fought. I said things and she said some more and I kind of….don’t want to see her ever again,” Finn confesses.

“God!” Raven gasps. It’s worse than she thought.

“What about Clarke? What did she say?”

“She wasn’t with us” Finn answers.

"Finn! Did Clarke express any regret? Do you think that you guys can work it out again. Pick up where you left?" 

"I don't know, maybe?" Finn lets out not certain, "she was...I don't want to give up yet! I think I still have a chance".

Raven is silent, she is sceptic. She doesn’t want Finn to be disappointed. She know Lexa loves Clarke, she even told her that she is ‘ _the love of her life’_ and if they kissed and Clarke agreed to hide the truth from Finn, Clarke must feel something for her too.

"Finn! Just ask her. Ask her for another chance but don't get your hopes up," She advises with a hesitant voice not wanting him to get hurt again.

"She said she loves me, she does. It's just not like she should! What if I try and make things work with her!?"

"Is she worth it?" Raven asks. Finn is silent for a moment then lets out, "Yes".

Raven doesn’t like his answer. She doesn’t understand how is a woman worth the loss of a family member?

"What about Lexa, Finn? She loves her too! She’s been in love with her since they were kids," Raven states knowingly.

"I know," Finn replies tiredly.

A heavy silence settles, Raven is thinking about the right words that may convince him or make him see things clearly but she doesn’t know what to say.

"You should come back home, Finn," She finally suggests.

"I’ll but I want to talk to Clarke before I leave,” Finn replies, “I’ll try and talk to her again maybe there’s hope”.

Raven is silent again she really is clueless, Finn is insisting on asking Clarke for another chance while she doubts Clarke would give it to him. She can’t bring herself to dissuade him.

“Ok, take care Finn”.

“Thanks, Raven” Finn replies and just as he is about to hang up he hears Raven’s voice again, “Finn! Wait”

“What?”

“Lexa is your sister and she deserves to be happy too. Don’t be too harsh on her, she loves you and you know she meant well-“ Raven is interrupted by the beeping line of the phone.

“Fuck!” She lets out frustrated.

How did things go so bad in such a short period of time for them, their little family?

Raven can’t help worrying about what’s coming next for them. Lexa is aboard for Clarke obviously and so is Finn whereas their own family bond is broken. Things between her and Anya are not as great as they should be and now Finn is mad at her too.

She throws her phone on the bed and tries to sleep. Maybe tomorrow she can think clearly. Maybe she can’t find a solution to the mess they all are in, but she will have to do something to make things right between her and Anya.

**France; Griffin’s household;**

Lexa is getting ready to go and spend her time with Clarke. She has a big smile on her face but her heart is heavy. After Clarke came to her hotel last night and they talked, she was pretty wrapped up and soothed by her presence and too overwhelmed by finally being with her that she didn’t get to process all what happened with her brother before.

Indeed, she cried for hours after Finn left but Clarke managed to eclipse her pain and now she is alone. It is all coming back to the surface.

She takes a deep breath and decides to think about it later, Clarke is waiting for her. She loves her and Clarke loves her back. She promised Clarke and her mother to not hurt her again.

This is her last chance with Clarke. Now, she needs to think about them and not Finn. She deserves to be happy, they deserve to be happy.

When Clarke opens the door, Lexa feels her heart do a back flip in her chest at the sight of her beautiful blonde smiling at her. “I missed you,” She says fisting her shirt pulling her in for a kiss.

Lexa smiles against Clarke’s lips, the kiss is short but needy. Lexa smiles thinking she could get used to this, to Clarke missing her, to Clarke kissing her, to Clarke telling her how she feels. She can easily get used to looking at Clarke’s blue eyes and enjoy her smile.

When Clarke breaks the kiss Lexa whispers back, “I missed you too”.

Clarke takes her hand and walks her into the living room. She could hear Clarke talking but her brain is elsewhere. She is not listening to her. She is reminiscing, her eyes are everywhere in the room.

Nothing has changed, almost everything is the same as she left it ten years ago. Even the smell is the same, Lexa takes a deep breath and her lips twitch in a smile. The place feels familiar, it feels like home. Home of the best moments in Lexa’s life.

The pictures hanging on the living-room’s wall are the same, not an additional picture, not one missing. Of course, Jake was the one who loved taking pictures and once he passed away the wall lost its purpose. It’s a bittersweet memory but Lexa is glad that she is here, for real and that she is not just dreaming.

She is interrupted form her thoughts by the tender touch of Clarke’s hand on her cheek, “Lexa?”

Lexa smiles at Clarke lovingly, “I’m sorry, you were saying?”

“Did you have breakfast yet?”

“I had coffee with Abby!”

“Do you want pancakes?” Clarke suggests with a bright smile.

“No, thanks!” Lexa smiles back at her.

Clarke sits on the couch and taps it inviting Lexa to join. Lexa happily complies but as she walks by the wall her eyes land on Jake’s photograph for a brief moment. Her smile falls, she misses him.

After all, the decoration maybe the same but it is different without him around. He always had that power of imprinting his bubbly persona over the place, Lexa can’t help thinking Clarke must have got it from him. The place feels less of a home now.

She sits next to Clarke and looks into her eyes, they are soothing and it is all Lexa needs.

“So where are you taking me?”

“I have no idea,” Lexa answers honestly.

“Well, I think I know what I want us to do!” Clarke replies with a grin on her face.

“What do you have in mind?” Lexa knows where this is going and plays along.

“Obviously you,” Clarke flirts kissing Lexa’s pulse point.

Lexa melts at the feeling of Clarke’s lips on her skin. “Clarke! Your mother is here” She warns her.

“She’s asleep,” Clarke reassures her before taking her hand in hers confessing, almost in a whisper, “I want to spend the day with you. Just me and you, away from the drama from everything”.

Lexa remains silent for a moment. That’s what she wants too. She wants to forget about the world around them.

“It would be nice,” She replies softly leaning in for another kiss and Clarke immediately closes the distance.

The kiss is delicate at first, but then Lexa cups Clarke’s neck and deepens it. She needs to feel her, to feel that Clarke’s lips are real that she is allowed to kiss her. That she can kiss her in any way she wants.

Clarke pulls back and looks into her green eyes, she can see Lexa is a little bit different from the one she left at the hotel two hours ago. She cups the brunette’s face in her hands looking pleadingly at her and asks, “What’s on your mind?” She wants Lexa to open up, just like she did last night and this morning.

Lexa shakes her head. “I just...I was just wondering if you would like to take me to Jake’s grave?” She asks warily.

Clarke is taken aback, she didn’t see it coming. Lexa asking to visit Jake’s grave. She shouldn’t be surprised because she knows that her father meant a lot to Lexa as well.

It is a good surprise and it warms her heart but she says nothing and Lexa panics adding, “Only if you want to”. She doesn’t want Clarke to be sad and remind her of his absence but she really wants to see his grave. She didn’t get the chance to say goodbye nor anything.

“Of course,” Clarke replies feeling her heart swelling in her chest. “Do you want to go now or later?”

“Now,” Lexa replies shyly.

When Clarke finishes getting ready she goes back to the living-room with a smile plastered on her face. Lexa stands up from the couch and places a soft kiss on her cheek.

“You look stunning”.

Clarke feels happier than ever, Lexa is back in her living-room looking at her with heart eyes just as she used to do each morning she came to visit her on summer 2006. She takes Lexa’s face in her hands once again and smashes her lips against Lexa’s for a chaste kiss, a way to thank her for being here.

“Let’s go,” She whispers against her lips once they part and Lexa nods. She takes her hand intertwining their fingers. Clarke bites her lip, it is more than she was hoping for.

All the way to the cemetery, Lexa keeps holding onto Clarke’s hand but the minute she sees Jake’s grave, she lets go of her and Clarke misses it. She watches Lexa kneeling on the ground and placing her hand over his tombstone. She is silent for a moment then her eyes meet Clarke’s. Her vision is blurred by the unshed tears she is stubbornly keeping in.

“Can I please be alone…with him?”

Clarke nods and walks away giving Lexa what she asked. She feels her heart break. She wants to comfort Lexa, to take her in her arms and kiss her pain away but she can’t. Lexa needs space, she asked her for a moment alone with Jake, or a reminder of Jake.

Lexa looks gratefully at her then her eyes fall back on the ground. She blinks the tears away gathering her strength. She never felt the need to talk to someone as bad as now. She waits for a moment, giving Clarke the time to walk away before talking to him. 

“Hey, uncle Jake!” The first words come out in a shaky voice, she is trying hard to not break down. “I’m sorry, I should have visited sooner. I should have been there for you, for Clarke….I’m sorry!”

She chuckles sadly, “I never thought it would hurt that much, dad died too but…it was different. I didn’t feel the pain I felt when Clarke told me about you. I guess you mean to me more than father!”

She brushes some leaves off his tombstone then adds, “Thank you for asking Clarke to find me! Thank you for having faith in me,” A sad smile breaks her face but it is a smile nonetheless.

“I miss you…you’ve been a father to me and I’m grateful for all the love and tenderness you gave me. Thank you for all the good memories…I’m sorry for not letting you know sooner….when you were alive, I just didn’t know how” Lexa feels a knot forming in the back of her throat.

“Sorry for not letting you know that I love you…I really do! I wish you knew how hard it was for me. I didn’t lose a best friend only, I lost a family…a father figure and a caring mom”.

Lexa feels hot tears moistening her cheeks and all the strength that was holding her up collapses. She tries to muffles her cries putting her hand on her mouth but to no avail.

After a moment she calms down a little bit and adds, “I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to keep her safe! To keep them safe!”

Clarke can’t stand the sight of Lexa crying, it hurts. She misses her father too but watching Lexa crying like that is more than she can handle. She needs to be happy now they are back with one another, she needs to see her happy. They need to be happy, that’s what her father would want.

She decides to join Lexa despite knowing that there’s a possibility Lexa would push her like she always does whenever she is hurt. She wraps her arms around Lexa from behind.

Lexa melts in her arms, Clarke’s front is against her back. She is locked safe in Clarke’s embrace the only person that might feel her pain. She wipes her tears and puts her own hands on top of Clarke’s around her waist. She leans her head back on Clarke’s shoulder and closes her eyes.

Clarke can feel Lexa sobbing in her arms but says nothing. She lets her be and gives her what she needs, comfort. It takes Lexa few minutes to calm down thanks to Clarke’s soothing presence and sweet kisses she is placing on her hair.

“You talked to him,” Clarke lets out in a soft voice. Lexa nods. “don’t you?” She asks confused.

Clarke takes a moment to reply, she feels somehow ashamed, “I used to. But then things changed and I stopped coming”.

“Things change but you should never stop talking to your father, Clarke”.

“Do you think they hear us?”

Lexa thinks about her answer then says, “Maybe? But there is a chance and if he does at least I would have told him what I have in my heart…it is a kind of consolation I guess” Clarke agrees, she used to feel better whenever she visited and talked to him.

“Can we stay longer? I haven’t been here for a while,” She admits ashamed.

“Of course, Jake was always a pleasant company,” Lexa replies bringing a smile on Clarke’s face.

They stay still for a long moment before Lexa shifts in Clarke’s arms and stands up, taking Clarke’s hand in hers and asks her to talk to him before they leave. When Lexa walks away to give Clarke some privacy, the blonde grabs her wrist her eyes begging her to stay. Lexa flashes her a reassuring smile and comes back to stand beside her.

“Hey dad!” Clarke’s voice is not hesitant or shy, she is comfortable enough to talk to her father in front of Lexa. However, her voice is sad, “I hope you’re not mad at me. I know I haven’t been a good daughter lately,” She chuckles nervously before adding, “I should visit you more often. I will from now on, I promise”.

She tightens her grip around Lexa’s hand, “I regret it dad, I should have listened to you. I should have looked for her. I guess you were right dad! Soulmates do exist…maybe I didn’t find my way back to her but life brought us back together”.

Lexa’s heart swells in her chest ‘ _soulmate’_ this is exactly what she feels, Clarke is more than just the love of her life. She is her best friend, her soulmate.

“I miss you, dad,” Clarke lets out a chocked sob. She is trying hard to keep it together but fails. The pain is greater and it always comes back to the surface when she visits him. Lexa scoots closer taking her in a gentle embrace.

Despite the pain she is feeling, Clarke is happy. She is happy because now she has someone with whom she can visit her father. Someone who loves him and with whom she is comfortable enough to talk to her father’s tombstone.

**********

Finn wakes up in his hotel room crankier than the day before. With barely three hours of sleep and a night long of inner turmoil, he is hardly able to think properly. He knows he has to go back home he can’t stay in France longer even if he wants to because he talked with Pike, his mother’s friend who is going to give answers to all his questions. In addition, Pike insisted on meeting Finn ‘ _sooner rather than later’_ explaining that according to the critical financial situation of the Woods Corp, he needs to save his shares before it is too late.

Finn manages to get out the bed and take a shower before heading to see Clarke hoping that he can get lunch with her or just brunch before he had to drive to the airport.

Unfortunately for him instead of Clarke, Abby is the one who opens the door to him still in her pyjamas, clearly she just woke up.

“Morning,” Finn greets Abby nervously.

“Finn!” Abby raises her eyebrow, “you fucked up again, didn’t you?” She asks knowingly.

“No, I…uh-I left without saying goodbye and I’m here to say goodbye. I’m flying back home today,” He stutters not knowing how to explain what happened.

“Is Clarke here?” He asks warily looking over Abby’s shoulder inside the house.

“No! She’s not” Abby replies. She considers for a moment to invite him in for a coffee or a sandwich in order to chitchat with him a little bit but then holds back. She doesn’t know what happened. All she knows is that Clarke and Lexa talked.

But she didn’t have the chance to talk to Clarke yet and she has a feeling Clarke is hanging out with Lexa.

“Do you want me to tell her anything?” Abby adds after a moment of silence.

“No, thanks! I’ll call her” Finn shrugs.

“Ok, have a safe trip back home”.

“Thank you Abby! Goodbye,” Finn says before leaving.

Once he is back to his hotel, he calls Clarke hoping to get a better chance this time. At the second ring Clarke picks up his call then he remembers that she sent him tones of texts but he answered none of them.

“Hey! I am sorry I just read your texts,” Finn excuses himself as soon as he hears Clarke saying Hi.

“That’s ok, I was worried about you…you should stop doing this Finn,” Clarke lets out with a disappointed tone.

Finn sighs knowing that he messed up once again after promising Clarke that he won’t disappear again.

“We care about you, Finn,” Clarke adds and Finn’s heart shatters. Lexa is with Clarke otherwise who else would care for him?

Finn hesitates for a few seconds to ask Clarke then lets out, “You talked to her!” It comes out as a statement and not a question.

“Yes,” Clarke affirms guardedly.

“Well, I just wanted to tell you goodbye…I’m flying back home today”.

Clarke could hear the pain in Finn’s voice but she doesn’t know what to do more than what she already did. She apologized and told him everything about her and Lexa, the whole truth.

“Have a safe trip…and Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“Let me know when you land,” Clarke adds bringing a sad smile on his face.

“Sure!” Finn reassures and just before he hangs up he hears Clarke asking him, “Are we ok, though?”

He lets out a nervous chuckle, “We are. I guess I just need time”.

“Ok, I’ll give you that,” Clarke promises and after a long moment of silence Finn thanks her.

“Just…” Again Clarke interjects.

“What?”

“Just promise me that you’ll talk to Lexa…please!”

“I can’t…I can’t promise you anything, Clarke. You can’t ask me to..” Finn lets out a loud breath. It hurts hearing Clarke asking him to give a chance for Lexa.

“At least promise me to try...she is really torn. I never saw her…I,” Clarke stutters “please! She loves you and we can’t blame her for what happened to us Finn!”

“I know,” Finn lets out.

“If we loved one another for the good reasons-” Clarke adds tearing Finn’s heart further before he interrupts her, “I gotta go, Clarke”.

“Promise me!” Clarke insists.

“I will,” Finn says just to silence her. “Take care!” He adds before hanging up.

**********

Lexa walks back to the bench where Clarke is waiting for her, two coffee cups in her hands and a bright smile plastered on her face that soon dissipates at the sight of Clarke’s sullen face. Lexa doesn’t miss the way Clarke is looking at her phone and her heart pangs painfully in her chest.

“How is he?” Lexa asks sitting next to Clarke.

Clarke forces a smile on her face when meeting green eyes, “Fine, I guess! He’s going back home today”.

Lexa hands Clarke her coffee and keeps silent. She doesn’t know what to think about it. She doesn’t know if Clarke is sad because Finn is leaving or because there is something else they talked about and Clarke is not telling her.

After a brief moment, Clarke nudges Lexa’s shoulder to get her attention.

“What do you want to do now?” She asks wanting to drop the topic and live the moment. Enjoy Lexa’s presence as long as she can.

Lexa looks back at Clarke and can’t help her lips curving in a smile “It’s more your country than mine. You practically grew up here. You tell me!”

Clarke sips her coffee then says, “Honestly! I don’t care…I’m fine with doing nothing. I can just sit here as long as I’m with you”.

“You’re with me,” Lexa comments in a whisper, “I’m right here”.

“I’ve an idea,” Clarke interjects after a moment, “I know where I wanna take you”.

“Where is it?” Lexa looks at her questioningly.

“Home, my favorite place ever,” Clarke raises her eyebrow comically causing Lexa’s chuckles, “Do we have to be there? I mean Abby should be awake by now and I really don’t need to have a second talk with her”.

Clarke laughs heartedly, “You didn’t tell me what happened”.

“Nothing, really,” Lexa replies, “she was just being a momma bear”.

“Aouch!” Clarke lets out before giving Lexa a sweet kiss on the cheek to comfort her.

“See what I have to deal with just for you Griffin?” Lexa says with a lively voice.

Clarke gives Lexa an apologetic smile, “Sorry!”

“It’s ok. You’re worth it, though,” Lexa flirts.

“So? What do we do now?” Clarke asks nuzzling Lexa’s neck.

“Let’s go home,” Lexa agrees.

**********

Lexa tugs Clarke’s hand pulling her against her body and wraps her arms around her before claiming her lips in a sensuous and passionate kiss, taking Clarke’s breath away.

“What was that for?” Clarke smiles cheeks crimson red.

Lexa looks down at her lips then up at her eyes, “Every time I lay my eyes on you, I want to kiss you and once we step in…your mother I mean…is there and I won’t be able to do that so, just anticipating”.

Clarke laughs softly before cupping Lexa’s face and bringing her for another kiss.

“We should go to my hotel” Lexa whines against her lips.

“We’re not kids anymore. You can kiss me when mom is around,” Clarke reassures her.

“I know but I won’t,” Lexa replies before stepping back from their bubble.

Clarke opens the door her hand interlaced with Lexa’s and pulls her into the house. They walk to the living-room where Abby is reading the newspaper.

“Lexa,” Abby nods greeting and Lexa smiles at her.

“Hi mom,” Clarke says leaning down to kiss her mom. Abby looks amused at the way Lexa is looking, clinging for dear life at Clarke’s hand.

“I won’t bite, Lexa!” She comments tapping the couch at her side, “and Clarke won’t disappear”. Lexa could feel her cheeks and even the tip of her ears blushing. She slowly releases Clarke’s hand and flashes an embarrassed smile at Abby before joining her on the couch.

Clarke says nothing to her mother nor about the awkwardness knowing that soon enough they are going to fall right back into their habits, old habits of having Lexa around as she is part of the family really.

“Finn was here,” Abby comments out of nowhere. She doesn’t miss the way Lexa looked at her expectedly.

“Really?” Clarke lets out confused, “I talked to him but he didn’t tell me that he came”.

“Well I think he guessed you had other plans”.

“I took Lexa to visit dad,” Clarke explains and a silence fills the room. Abby puts the newspaper on her lap and looks at them in disbelief.

Lexa feels guilty, thinking it is a sore subject. “I’m sorry I wanted to…uh…to visit him I haven’t had the chance…to say goodbye you know”.

“It’s fine. I’m just surprised…in a good way,” Abby looks at Lexa with a smile then at Clarke. She doesn’t understand why and how easily Lexa can convince her daughter to do things she never was able to talk her into.

“Thank you, she hasn’t been there for a while,” She says before leaving the lovebirds alone in the living-room.

Lexa frowns astonished, looking at Clarke her heart aches guiltily. She pushed her to do something that might be emotionally difficult. “I’m sorry,” Lexa whispers.

“Don’t be, it was nice being there with you”.

Lexa smiles tenderly at her, “You don’t have to do things if you feel…if you don’t feel like doing them, don’t do them for me”.

“I wanted to go too,” Clarke quickly says, “I just didn’t…it has been a while and I couldn’t do it on my own I guess”.

“Why are we away from one another?” Clarke adds jokingly before sitting next to Lexa who wraps an arm around her shoulder.

“Because your mom,” Lexa whispers against Clarke’s neck causing goosebumps on her skin.

Clarke smiles happily at the feeling of Lexa’s arm around her, she didn’t notice it before but she feels different when it is Lexa who is hugging her.

“What do you want for dinner?” Clarke asks fidgeting with Lexa’s hand.

“Something homemade, something healthy,” Lexa replies before adding, “Something we may cook together if possible”.

Clarke feels like she is going to have a cramp on her face due to how hard and often she is smiling with Lexa around.

“I’d love that”.

“Let’s go,” Lexa says before cupping Clarke’s face and kissing her smile away.

Lexa does her best to not get distracted by Clarke when they are in the kitchen, she doesn’t want to forget about dinner and get caught by Abby doing something that shouldn’t be done in the kitchen.

However, Clarke is in a flirty mood and she is really bad at focusing on anything when Lexa is around. She keeps glancing at her, brushing her skin whenever she can.

First, it is innocent light touches but then things change as the dinner is almost ready. By now, Clarke has her arms around Lexa from behind while the brunette is still busy stirring the sauce in the pan.

Lexa can feel Clarke’s hands roaming dangerously close to her weak spots but doesn’t flutter, afraid that Clarke might induce her into something more then she wouldn’t be able to resist.

When Clarke hears her mother’s footsteps approaching, she walks to the other side of the kitchen isle giving Lexa a comfort zone knowing that she is not ready yet to display her affection around Abby.

Lexa misses Clarke’s hands right away. She looks at her ready to say something when she hears Abby’s footsteps and understands. She smiles at Clarke lovingly.

The dinner goes surprisingly well, Lexa’s discomfort around Abby quickly fades away and she finds herself talking to her more than to Clarke. Clarke is quiet, appreciating the moment. She knows it is an occasional and precious moment and that she will miss having Lexa around so instead of interacting she silently enjoys it glancing fondly at the woman she loves.

Clarke and Lexa manage to have few stolen kisses after dinner which made them sweeter because Lexa felt like a teenager again, overly excited and happy. A sentiment she has lost ages ago.

“I know you two are together,” Abby’s voice breaks the silence, “so stop kissing my daughter and come help me with the dishes”.

Lexa feels her blood rush to her cheeks, her eyes widen ‘ _How does she know?_ ’ She whispers to Clarke embarrassed. Clarke chuckles at how easily Lexa is intimidated by her mother.

“I..uh I’m sorry Abby. I’m coming right away,” Lexa answers loudly enough for Abby to hear and just as she stands up to join Abby in the kitchen to help her, Abby speaks again, “I’m not talking to you, Lexa! You’re our guest. Clarke!!”. Lexa instantly relaxes.

“Sorry mom,” Clarke says as soon as she gets into the kitchen, “go I’ll be fine”.

Abby dries her hands and goes back to the living-room with Lexa. Lexa’s heart melts at Abby’s words calling her ‘ _daughter’_.

“Thank you for what you said Abby. Thank you for everything really”.

“You don’t need to thank me, I know how much you love my daughter just by the way you look at her…I just hope you won’t mess up again”.

“I won’t,” Lexa replies hastily “As soon as things settle at work I will have a more flexible schedule-“

“What if it takes time!” Abby exclaims.

“I’ll…,” Lexa sighs lightly, “If it takes longer, I guess I will have to make time for it”.

“I don’t mean to pressure you Lexa. I just want to see my daughter happy. God knows how much I dread your departure, I haven’t seen her like that for so long and it pains me to know that you have the power to take that from her, from us”.

Lexa is speechless, Abby’s words make sense as much as they hurt. She doesn’t want to have that power, she doesn’t want to put Clarke in such a difficult relationship.

“I’ll make sure to keep her happy, I promise”.

“It’s not going to be easy” Abby says, “what about Finn?”

Lexa looks away not daring to meet Abby’s eyes feeling ashamed, “Honestly, I don’t know what to say”.

“Did you talk to him?”

Lexa nods, “well, no…it didn’t end well”.

“Of course…but time will heal the wounds,” Abby tries to comfort her but it doesn’t work. Lexa doubts anything can comfort her about the pain she feels when thinking of him. She smiles gratefully at Abby, “I hope so”.

Abby decides to give Lexa a break for now and talk about light topics instead. Clarke quickly joins them shamelessly sitting between them nearly sitting on Lexa’s lap. First, Lexa stiffens but when she sees that Abby is fine with it and doesn’t give her weird looks, she relaxes.

Maybe a little bit too much as she unconsciously intertwines her fingers around Clarke’s and lifts her hand kissing Clarke’s knuckles. Clarke feels happy more than ever, it feels nice to have Lexa relaxed and displaying her affecting without hiding.

After a long evening between the tv and small talk, Lexa starts wondering about how the night is going to end. She doesn’t know what is the right thing to do, to stay over or leave so she takes the safest exit.

“Well, it’s time for me to go…I really had a great evening,” Lexa says looking at Abby with a polite smile then at Clarke adding, “and a lovely day with you…thank you for everything”.

“You’re welco-“ Abby says when she is interrupted by Clarke looking confused at Lexa.

“You’re not leaving. We’re not teenagers anymore”.

Lexa blushes looking eyes wide at Clarke then at Abby waiting for her reaction. Abby raises her eyebrow at Clarke but says nothing, she wants to see what Lexa has to say and Clarke is looking at Lexa with a frown.

Lexa ends up breaking the awkward silence, “I gotta go” but Abby quickly stops her, “Stay!” Lexa looks back at her surprised but quickly she catches up, “in the guest room”.

Clarke whines, “Come on mom” while Lexa answers, “It’s only few blocks away it’s fine”.

Abby glances at Clarke then adds, “The offer is open”.

Clarke huffs annoyingly at being treated as a child, “Stay please!” She begs her girlfriend, “If you don’t I’m coming with you”.

Lexa is looking at Abby to see her reaction when the old woman looks back at her and nods giving her permission. Lexa puts her jacket and sits back on the couch with Clarke.

“Just keep it PG girls and I know…well I’m sure you’ll disobey but just do it smartly. Use protection,” Abby says leaving the two girls agape.

“Did she just?” Lexa asks shockingly and Clarke laughs nodding.

“God! I should have left,” Lexa lets out embarrassed.

“Chill,” Clarke says, “we’re grown-ups. At least we’ll have to pick up where we left this morning” She bites her lip looking hungrily at her.

“Clarke, I don’t wanna break your mother’s trust” Clarke huffs taking Lexa’s hand in hers and dragging her to her room.

She gives Lexa a pair of sweatpants and a shirt to get more comfortable, Lexa changes first then gets in the bed with Clarke.

“I thought you don’t wanna break my mom’s trust” Clarke jokes.

“I’m not, I just want to have a moment with you before I go to the other room,” Lexa replies cuddling Clarke.

“Who said I’ll let you leave?” Clarke says kissing Lexa deeply.

Barely few minutes later, Lexa is panting under Clarke who is straddling her and locking her body against her bed keeping her from leaving. She is roughly kissing Lexa’s skin, lifting her shirt up nipping at her abs and torturously teasing her lightly caressing her thighs.

“Wait,” Lexa stops Clarke when she starts grinding down on her. Clarke whines against her lips.

“I want you,” she whispers an excuse.

Lexa flips them over then kisses Clarke’s pouting lips tugging Clarke’s lower lip between her teeth before parting their lips, “Your mom is literally two steps away…don’t make this harder for me”.

Clarke stubbornly wraps her legs around Lexa’s body and pushes her down against her.

“She thinks we’re doing it anyway”.

“I know but that doesn’t mean it’s any less awkward,” Lexa replies.

Clarke pouts “Ok, tomorrow we’re staying at your hotel”

Lexa chuckles then leans down connecting their lips for a good night kiss, “I love you”.

Clarke’s heart swells with happiness, “ _Bonne nuit mon coeur_ ” (Good night my love).


	14. Chapter 14

**France; Griffin’s household**

**Guest room;**

Lexa wakes up feeling an itch on her face. She pushes the strand of hair away and tries to flip on her side but can't. Something is keeping her from moving. She opens her eyes and finds Clarke's arm wrapped around her waist and Clarke’s face nuzzling into her side. Her heart flutters with joy.

She smiles down at her and breathes her in before wrapping her own arms around Clarke and closing her eyes back to sleep.

Of course she couldn't sleep, her heart was hammering like crazy against her chest because Clarke is in her arms. Clarke was too stubborn to let her sleep in another room and ended up joining her.

Lexa feels something unusual, something more than the love she felt when she was a teenager. Something she can't believe she has been living without all her life.

She wants this moment of pure happiness and peace to last for eternity. She doesn't want to wake Clarke up even if she misses her blue eyes and her lips. She doesn't want to trouble this unexpected scene of heaven.

She thinks about how happy it would be to wake up every morning like that tangled in Clarke's arms and legs and wrapped in the feeling of Clarke's breathing in her arms. This is definitely what she wants, what she is going to work for because nothing in the world is worth this moment and Lexa knows it more than anyone.

Clarke stirs in Lexa's arms only to hold her tighter against her. A soft chuckle escapes Lexa's lips which wakes her up.

She doesn't say anything, she doesn't open her eyes neither but she only slides her hand under Lexa's shirt and leave it there for a moment before brushing her fingertips on Lexa’s skin softly. Lexa feels her heart beaming in excitement because finally Clarke is awake.

"Clarke?" Lexa whispers against blonde hair and Clarke hums.

“Morning,” Lexa lets out in a cheery voice. Clarke smiles happily against Lexa’s side because she never heard Lexa’s voice so soft and so tender.

“Good morning,” Clarke replies after putting her chin over the back of her hand which is by now on Lexa’s chest.

Lexa smiles happy to admire Clarke’s blue eyes so early in the morning, “You are beautiful”.

“I thought you’d ask me to leave because of mom,” Clarke raises her eyebrows and Lexa chuckles.

“I’d be a fool to say that, but you’re right you should go back to your room”.

“Watch me,” Clarke answers standing up to leave but quickly Lexa wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her back down on the bed with her. Clarke lets out a surprised gasp after landing her backside against Lexa’s front.

“It’s early, we can stay a little longer in bed,” Lexa explains kissing the back of Clarke’s neck and her hair.

“I don’t think me being the little spoon is a good idea,” Clarke says when she feels Lexa’s bulge.

Lexa feels blood rushing to her cheeks, she muffles her whine against Clarke’s shoulder.

“Turn around,” She says embarrassed.

Clarke spins around never leaving Lexa’s arms and finds herself nose to nose with Lexa. She looks into her green eyes then down to her lips.

“I didn’t get a morning kiss”.

Lexa smiles and gladly closes the distance pecking Clarke’s lips, “Good morning love”.

Clarke’s heart swells and she can’t keep herself from kissing Lexa’s plump lips again to thank them for what they just uttered.

“Indeed, a good morning,” Clarke comments after pushing Lexa’s hair away from her face letting her finger roam over Lexa’s features.

Lexa closes her eyes enjoying the feathery touches of Clarke’s fingertips for a moment and then Clarke melts her heart when she starts gazing her lips over her face. She lets Clarke have her moment, she knows she needs it just as she needs to feel her presence with her.

“ _Je n’arrive pas à croire que tu es là, dans mes bras._ _Je n’arrive pas à croire que je peux te toucher, t’embrasser,_ " (I cannot believe you're here, in my arms. I cannot believe I can touch you, kiss you,) Clarke murmurs before stopping and pushing her lips tenderly against Lexa’s, then pulls back slowly opening her eyes again meeting green eyes.

“ _J’espére que tu crois en mon amou,r_ " (I hope you believe in my love,) Lexa murmurs back and Clarke smiles nodding.

" _C’est le plus important…que tu me crois, qu’on est ensemble et que plus jamais rien ne nous séparera,_ " (It is the most important... that you believe me, that we are together and that nothing will ever separate us,) Lexa adds looking into blue eyes.

Clarke smiles weakly at her. She might believe in her love, their love but she has hard time believing that nothing will separate them. Lexa might leave tomorrow or in a week, a month. She will eventually have to leave soon.

Just as Clarke is about to speak Lexa cups her face in her hand interrupting her, “ _Non, rien ne nous séparera._ _Quitte à tout laisser pour m’installer ici auprès de toi_ ” (No, nothing will separate us. Even if I have to leave everything to settle here with you).

Clarke looks into her eyes and all she can see is honesty, her sight blurs and her lips curve in a smile. She can’t think of anything that may express how she is feeling right now.

“ _Je...je ne sais pas quoi dire_ ” (I..I don’t know what to say).

“ _Ne dis rien alors!_ _Embrasse-moi,_ ” (Then, don’t say anything! Kiss me,) Lexa replies with a grin.

Clarke shakes her head, “ _Je ne peux pas te demander de tout laisser pour être avec moi,_ " (I can’t ask you to leave everything to be with me)

“ _Tu ne le demande pas, je veux le faire,_ ” (You’re not asking, I want to do it) Lexa corrects her.

“ _Je t’aime et je veux être avec toi, c’est simple_ " (I love you and I want to be with you, it’s simple).

Clarke smiles again before leaning down for a kiss. It is not rushed, Clarke enjoys the feeling of her lips against Lexa’s and wants to communicate her love and the way she feels.

When Lexa’s tongue brushes against her lower lip, Clarke smiles and pulls back looking into green eyes.

“ _Arrête de me taquiner sinon on ne sortira pas de ce lit de la journée_ ” (Stop teasing me otherwise we won’t get out of this bed the whole day).

“ _J’aimerai bien mais-_ “ (I’d love to but-) Before Lexa finishes her sentence Clarke interrupts, “Mom!” She pecks Lexa’s lips again before standing up. Lexa props her back up from the bed with her elbows to have a better look at Clarke and she can’t help digging her teeth on her lip.

Clarke is wearing a nightgown, a little too light for the weather outside and it shows more than it covers. In fact, it teases Lexa to no end especially when she notices Clarke’s perked nipples, she feels her mouth watering and instantly regrets staying over. She could have left and Clarke would have followed her.

“ _J’adore comment tu me regarde,_ ” (I love how you look at me,) Clarke says with hoarse voice.

Lexa chuckles shyly, “ _Je ne peux m’en empêcher_ " (I can’t help myself).

" _Je vais mettre quelque chose et nous préparer le petit-déj, entre temps prends une douche froide!_ " (I’ll go put something on and prepare breakfast, meanwhile take a cold shower!) Clarke winks at Lexa before leaving the guest room.

Lexa lets herself back on the bed and smiles dreamily at the ceiling.

_Clarke is going to be the death of her._

Few minutes later, Lexa joins Clarke in the kitchen wearing the brightest smile, happy to be here with Clarke. To know that she can kiss her whenever she wants and tell her ‘ _I love you’_ whenever she feels the urge to say it. There is no boundaries now, no titles to respect such as sisters in-law and no walls.

Indeed, Clarke wrecked her walls long ago and even if Lexa tried to build them back she couldn’t. The second she saw her at Finn’s apartment she felt weak, vulnerable and exposed because she never stopped loving her.

Clarke’s smile reaches her eyes at the sight of Lexa’s genuine smile. She missed it, she missed being with her best friend and her lover. Lexa leans to kiss Clarke when she is interrupted by Abby’s voice, “ _Bonjour_ ” (Good morning).

“ _Bonjour maman_ ,” (Good morning mom).

“ _Bonjour Abby,_ ” (Good morning Abby,) Lexa replies after stepping away from Clarke.

“ _Bien dormis?_ ” (Sleep well?) Abby asks and Lexa feels her cheeks reddening.

“ _Oui, trés bien dormis merci…euh…je veux dire oui ça va_ " (Yes, very well, thank you ... ah ... I mean it was fine,) Lexa stutters feeling like her words might intend much more than what she wants to say. Abby manages to keep herself from laughing but Clarke can’t, she laughs making Lexa uncomfortable.

“ _Alors vous allez faire quoi aujourd’hui?_ ” (So what are you going to do today?) Abby asks again saving Lexa not letting her embarrassment last longer.

Lexa decides to keep her mouth shut this time to avoid saying anything stupid. In addition, she has no idea what they have planned for the day. Her and Clarke didn’t talk about it yet.

" _Aucune idée, on n'en a pas parlé encore,_ " (No idea, we haven’t talked about it yet,) Clarke answers after calming down.

" _C'est une belle journée vous devriez en profiter. Ne restez pas coller devant la télé ou au lit,_ " (It’s a beautiful day, you should enjoy it. Don’t stay in front of the tv or in bed,) Abby comments.

Lexa wants to sink in the chair because this is what she had in mind. She wanted to spend a cozy day with Clarke but after what Abby just said she is not going with that plan. She’d rather go out sometimes before going back to her hotel. She clears her throat and says, “ _Avant tout je dois passer à mon hotel pour me changer_ ” (First of all I have to go to my hotel to change).

“ _Tu devrais ramener tes affaires ici, Lexa._ _T’es la bienvenue,_ ” (You should bring your stuff here, Lexa. You are welcome,) Abby smiles at Lexa genuinely.

“ _Merci maman,_ ” (Thanks mom,) Clarke answers before Lexa.

“ _C’est trés généreux de ta part Abby mais je ne voudrais pas abuser de ton hospitalité,_ ” (It's very generous of you Abby but I don’t want to abuse of your hospitality,) Lexa replies politely.

“ _Ok! J’ai compris. Mais l'offre tiendra le long de ton séjour ici en France_ ” (Ok! I get it. But the offer is open during your stay here in France).

Lexa smiles at Abby gratefully. “Thank you,” She lets out softly before looking at Clarke who is joining them on the table.

The breakfast goes pretty well, at least better than it started for Lexa being flustered and embarrassed each time she speaks to Abby. Clarke kept teasing her leaving her hand on her lap and letting it wander way too close to her crotch but Lexa managed to hide it.

Abby left the two lovers and went back to her room to get ready for work. Lexa was relieved and not so sorry to be happy about Abby leaving and having Clarke for her the whole day, she even bid her goodbye more eagerly than she should have.

“ _Je compte sur toi pour rester sage_ ,” (I count on you to be good,) Abby comments with a smirk, this time she does it on purpose.

Lexa’s cheeks turn crimson red and before she can say anything back, Abby leaves. Clarke is amused, loving the way her mother easily intimidates Lexa who doesn’t find it funny. She feels like a target for Abby’s and Clarke’s teasing, each one her way.

“ _Ce n’est pas drôle, Clarke! C’est embarrassant et puis comment pourrai-je rester sage avec toi ? C’est quasiment impossible…regarde toi et regarde-moi_ " (It's not funny, Clarke! It's embarrassing and how can I be good with you around? It's almost impossible ... look at you and look at me).

Lexa gestures at Clarke then at her bulge, “ _je ne peux m’empêcher de bonder à chaque fois tu es près de moi_ " (I can’t help having a boner every time you're near) She groans before adding, “ _je me sens comme un ado frustré_ ” (I feel like a frustrated teenager).

Clarke giggles shaking her head walking towards Lexa and wrapping her arms around her neck. Lexa systematically closes her arms around Clarke’s waist bringing them closer.

Clarke pecks Lexa’s pouty lips, “ _Je t’aime…et j’adore quand tu boude comme ça_ ” (I love you…and I adore when you pout like that). She pecks Lexa’s lower lip again before resuming, “ _Je ressens la même chose, c’est juste que mon envie n’est pas aussi visible que la tienne_ ” (I feel the same way, it's just that my desire is not as visible as yours).

Lexa smiles staring into Clarke’s eyes then down at her lips holding her tighter to let her feel how frustrated she is, and Clarke gets it. She kisses Lexa’s jaw all the way up to her ear and whispers, “ _Je sais comment y remédier, si tu veux je peux aider_ ” (I know how to fix it, if you want I can help)..

Lexa cups her face bringing her in for a searing kiss pouring all her love and lust that she kept in the last two days. She pushes Clarke walking her backward against the kitchen isle. The kiss is not rough, it is somehow needy. And Clarke can’t help deepening the kiss.

They pull back only to catch their breath for a moment but Lexa is too aware and her brain is racing urging her to not waste her time. She kisses, licks and nips Clarke’s neck leaving red spots gradually descending to her covered cleavage. The shirt doesn’t stop her from enjoying Clarke’s generous breasts.

Clarke tilts her head back rejoicing at the way Lexa is loving her, cupping the back of her neck keeping her there, and Lexa obliges. After a moment Clarke feels Lexa’s hands going under her shirt at her sides and lifting it up. She helps Lexa undressing her.

Lexa doesn’t waste her time tracing wet sloppy kisses down Clarke’s now naked belly. She softly gazes her teeth at the skin just above the hem of her sweatpants. Clarke suddenly feels hot and gets impatient she is about to discard the rest of her clothes on her own, but Lexa stops her.

She takes the matter in hand and pulls both the sweatpants and her underwear down and her breath hitches at the sight of Clarke’s pussy. She pulls back to have a better look at her girlfriend. Clarke is standing naked in front of her green eyes, which are now darker than Clarke has ever seen them.

She smiles softly at Clarke, contrasting the fierce look full of desire and lust her eyes are giving away. She lifts her shirt up and throws it away offering Clarke the same level of trust she is giving her. Clarke could feel her arousal dripping between her folds.

Lexa tugs at the hem of her sweatpants ready to take it off when Clarke halts her, _'Please, let me'_ Lexa’s heart melts at Clarke’s voice and its softness. She stops and gives ‘her Clarke’ what she wants.

Clarke delights at the way Lexa quickly complies and holds her hands behind her back exposing herself and trusting her.

She takes a step closer to her and kisses her gratefully. Lexa sighs against her lips finding it difficult to keep herself from smashing her body against Clarke's and fuck her senseless.

At the feeling of Clarke's hands at her sides, Lexa pulls back from the kiss giving her the space to push her sweatpants down her legs leaving her only in her boxer briefs.

Clarke crouches down her eyes never leaving Lexa's who feels her cock twitching at the beautiful sight. Clarke is on her knees, blue eyes looking hungrily at her and she is about to remove the last piece of fabric.

Clarke cups Lexa's buttocks and kisses her covered shaft repeatedly. She wants to let her know that she loves and wants every part of her. Lexa lets out a throaty breath when Clarke swirls her tongue at the tip of her hardening cock. The feeling is too exquisite for Lexa to keep her eyes open. Her hand goes down and tangles her fingers in Clarke's hair caressing lightly her scalp.

She can't think of a more erotic moment in her life, she feels a fire burning in her heart, her breathing is accelerating along with her heartbeat. It’s almost painful to look down at Clarke kissing her shaft lovingly without doing anything back to her. She doesn't control her mouth breathing out Clarke's name in a needy yet loving way.

Blue eyes meet her again and Clarke replaces her mouth with her left hand for a few more seconds before pulling down her underwear and leaving her naked. Lexa can't help feeling vulnerable and frightened of what is coming next but soon Clarke's blue eyes reassure her.

Clarke kisses sloppily her way up on Lexa’s body to her lips and wraps her arms around her neck bringing their bare chests together. Lexa does the same to the lower part of their bodies by closing her arms tightly around her waist.

She shoves her tongue into Clarke's mouth who sucks it lightly and moans. The taste of Lexa's tongue and their mixed saliva is refreshing Clarke's thirst. Lexa quickly takes back control of the kiss not missing the way Clarke's breathing grows erratic. Clarke takes Lexa’s cock in her hand and starts stroking it eliciting the sweetest moans from Lexa’s beautiful mouth.

Lexa could feel herself hardening in Clarke’s hand then after a moment Clarke’s hand leaves her shaft and goes up kneading at her breast, she laps her mouth at her perked nipple and gently rolls the other between her fingers. Lexa is in a hot mess feeling Clarke’s finally naked in her arms, she cups Clarke’s face in her hands and bring her up for a kiss.

Clarke bucks her hips against Lexa wanting to feel more of her. One of Lexa's hands goes down to the underside of Clarke's thigh propping her leg around her waist trying to lift her up. Clarke quickly catches up and helps her. She gasps when her legs are finally wrapped around Lexa's waist and Lexa swears, ‘ _Fuck’_ at the feeling of Clarke’s juices against her abs.

She wraps her right arm safely around Clarke’s back while her left one is helping Clarke grinding against her skin. Lips sucking one of Clarke’s nipples. Clarke has her arms around Lexa’s neck and shoulders wordlessly asking her to stay there, she throws her head back biting hardly at her lip. Lexa’s mouth is doing wonders to her, building up her arousal more.

Lexa devours Clarke's breasts trying to ignore her aching cock. She wants to guide Clarke’s body lower, connect their centers, and fuck her without restrain but she manages to control herself. she wants to make Clarke cum first, she wants to make love to her.

“Fuck…take me to the bedroom!” Clarke pants tugging lightly at Lexa’s hair to get her attention while Lexa is too mesmerized by Clarke’s breasts. Clarke feels her walls aching when Lexa sucks her nipple hard and releases it with a wet pop. “Bedroom,” She moans again and Lexa starts walking to the bedroom.

Once Lexa manages to get them safely there she puts Clarke carefully on the bed before settling between her thighs. Her breath hitches at the sight, Clarke is laying open for her.

Her beautiful breasts glistening and already bruising from her mouth. She feels her heart swelling with pride in her chest knowing that Clarke is hers. Her eyes shamelessly go down between Clarke’s thighs. Her heart skips a beat and her cock aches at the sight of Clarke’s pink wet folds. She unconsciously licks her lips, she wants to taste Clarke more than ever.

Clarke feels her clit pulsing when she sees Lexa’s tongue licking her own lip. She sits up reaching for Lexa’s face and pulls her for a hot kiss. Lexa can’t help pushing Clarke back on the bed deepening the kiss and laying on top of her. Her hand is everywhere she can reach on Clarke’s skin.

Clarke locks her legs around Lexa’s waist and pushes her fully down on her, she lets out a filthy moan in Clarke’s mouth when she feels Clarke’s hips pushing up to meet her cock and Clarke’s arousal accidently coats her cock.

Clarke wraps her arm around Lexa’s back bringing her flash against her while the brunette is rocking slowly her hips sliding her cock between Clarke’s wet folds coating it with her girlfriend’s arousal.

Lexa pulls back from Clarke’s lips trying to catch her breath and pushes her hair away from their faces so she can look at Clarke. Clarke helps her pushing the brown locks away from her face and looks into her green eyes.

“You’re fucking beautiful,” Clarke lets out and Lexa chuckles just as she is about to comment Clarke moves her hips again and the words die in her throat. The movement of her hips becomes faster building up Clarke’s arousal slowly and never breaking eye contact with her.

Clarke tries to keep herself from moaning, the way Lexa is looking at her while her hard cock is teasing her, is too much. She never felt her walls and her heart aching so bad to feel someone in her as she is feeling now.

Lexa’s cheeks are red and her eyes are dark but still looking softly at her, the sound of their breathing and panting is the only thing around them and they both start to sweat their naked skin is burning hot against one another. Clarke can feel the love as much as the desire in Lexa’s dark green eyes, she could see that Lexa is asking her permission she nods as the words fail her.

Lexa manages to speak despite the intensity of the moment, she manages because she knows it is necessary and she knows she won’t be able to pull back once she is inside of Clarke.

“We need a condom,” She lets out shyly and Clarke shakes her head, “I’m on pill”.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks again and Clarke nods. Lexa doesn’t waste her time she first teases Clarke’s entrance with her cock before pushing in. The feeling of Lexa’s cock stretching her entrance open, knocks the air out of Clarke’s lungs, her lips part open and her eyes grow wide while Lexa’s eyes shut close reveling at the feeling of Clarke’s tight entrance then her warm and wet velvety walls hugging her so tightly.

It takes Lexa all her strength to not bottom out and thrust frantically into Clarke. Clarke reaches for her and pulls her down for a sloppy kiss while Lexa is pushing slowly further. She wants Clarke to look at her, she want to see Clarke’s face and know if she is as overwhelmed as her.

Once Lexa bottomed out, Clarke couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips, she bucks her hips up wanting Lexa to move. Lexa starts pumping her hips into Clarke slowly at first, her face is hovering Clarke’s, staring into her blue eyes capturing in her mind the face of Clarke while they are deeply and intimately connected.

Clarke feels overwhelmed, she is panting under Lexa whom she can feel everywhere, inside out and nothing, absolutely nothing in this world, felt as good as the sensation of Lexa slowly sliding into her. A sweet burning sensation coats her heart and she can see in Lexa’s eyes that she is feeling the same.

Clarke needs more so she lowers her hand on Lexa’s buttock encouraging her for more. Lexa tries to not cum before Clarke despite the maddening feeling of Clarke’s walls gripping around her cock so tightly and the dirty whimpers escaping Clarke’s lips sending Lexa to the edge.

Clarke’s eyes roll back when Lexa pulls out only to slam all the way in hitting the right spot then she positions herself on her knees between Clarke’s thighs and spreads them wide so she can see her cock disappearing into Clarke’s pussy.

Lexa can’t help rubbing circles at Clarke’s clit helping Clarke to the edge because she couldn’t wait more. It was not about love anymore, Lexa wants release and so does Clarke so the brunette does her best thrusting hard and fast while her slender fingers are taking care of Clarke’s clit and her mouth is sucking, nipping and licking at her breast up to her neck until she feels Clarke’s walls clutching repeatedly at her.

Clarke lets out a filthy moan when she cums but Lexa doesn’t stop thrusting into her intensifying her orgasm and reaching her own. Clarke shudders when Lexa’s cum hit her walls. She digs her nails on Lexa’s back, Lexa is so high in her orgasm that she barely feels it.

Clarke can’t believe that she is finally feeling Lexa inside of her after all this time. She can’t believe that Lexa is cuming inside of her, this is by far the most intense orgasm she ever had. She wonders if it is because she is in love with Lexa or it is because Lexa is good in bed. She is willing to know, even if she is still coming down from the bliss of their first orgasms.

Lexa feels her heart explode every time Clarke’s pussy milks her cock, she sucks Clarke’s neck leaving marks and licks at her skin which is now a little sweaty. She moans at the taste and just when she is about to pull out, Clarke wraps both her arms and legs around her, “Don’t:” Lexa smiles at her and pecks her lips.

“You feel so good inside me,” Clarke says boldly and Lexa nuzzles into her neck replying, “And you feel so good around me”. Clarke smiles at the feeling of Lexa’s still uneven breath against her neck.

“I’m sorry I got carried away, I scratched your back pretty hardly I think,” Clarke says rubbing soothing circles at her back. Lexa hums, “I loved it”.

Clarke chuckles before closing her eyes enjoying the feeling of Lexa’s body on top of her. After a moment, Lexa pulls out her flaccid cock and rolls on her back and pulls Clarke into her arms.

“I’m so in love with you, Clarke” She lets out softly, “I never stopped loving you…even after what happened. I tried to hate you but I couldn’t”.

Clarke props her head on her hand looking into Lexa’s eyes with a weak smile, “I love you too…more than anything. I just hope that this time we do better. We communicate, just don’t shut me down”.

“I won’t…I never really could since the first day I met you,” Lexa confesses.

“I know but you did…for so many years. You came to France, you should have knocked on the door and talked to me…you shouldn’t have doubted my love or my family’s,” Clarke explains while her fingers are drawing invisible patterns on Lexa’s skin.

Lexa tightens her arms around Clarke feeling guilty, “I promise it won’t happen again”.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispers then lets her hand roam over Lexa’s body. Lexa feels her cock twitch.

“We did things backwards…I should have done things right, take you out on a date then fall in bed with you”.

Clarke shushes Lexa with her hand on her mouth before straddling her. Lexa inhales a short breath at the feeling of Clarke’s wet folds on her skin.

“I love you, you love me,” Clarke says rolling her hips down on Lexa’s body then adds, “I want you and you want me…we’re adults and we don’t…don’t have time for the dates”.

Lexa feels dizzy at the sensation and the sight of Clarke naked on top of her breasts moving slowly according to Clarke’s hips when Clarke leans down licking the skin under Lexa’s ear then whispers, “So we go on a date or we can stay here in bed as long as we want”.

Clarke pulls back looking into Lexa’s face waiting for a reply when Lexa flips them over and says, “Bed” Clarke smiles, “That’s what I thought” before pulling her girlfriend in for a searing kiss.

“I wanna taste you”. Lexa lets out after the kiss.

“Fuck,” Clarke hisses smashing her mouth back against Lexa’s lips.

**_Two days later; Lexa’s hotel room;_ **

Clarke and Lexa managed to get out of bed and do some touristy things in Paris. Both were happy, too absorbed by one another to care about the real world. Lexa woke up in the middle of the night to check her emails and have a video call with Anya concerning work.

Each time Clarke was asleep, but tonight she is awake and naked in Lexa’s arms when Lexa’s phone chimes. Clarke pouts at the loss of Lexa’s arms around her, she stands up and goes into the shower.

When Clarke comes back, Lexa is still on the phone. She tries to make little noise, no one needs to know that she is with her.

“So when are you coming back?” She hears Anya saying and it ignites her interest.

“I don’t know,” Lexa replies and Clarke’s heart swells, Lexa didn’t give Anya a date at least it is not tomorrow or in two days that’s good, Clarke thinks.

“Then you’re going to be there for Costia’s birthday,” Anya comments and Lexa spontaneously replies, “Yeah, I talked to her and I’m meeting her tomorrow”.

Clarke freezes not believing what she just heard then quickly takes her pyjamas and wears it before getting in bed.

“Then wish her happy birthday for me,” Anya adds, “and tell her that we miss her”.

“I will,” Lexa smiles at the screen of her phone for Anya, “keep me updated and say hi to Raven”.

“I will, bye!” Clarke hears Anya before Lexa hangs up. Then, she feels Lexa spooning her.

“Why didn’t you wait for me? I wanted to shower with you,” Lexa lets out.

“I’m tired,” Is all Clarke says and Lexa’s heart drops.

“Babe! Look at me,” Lexa tries to turn Clarke, to make her look at her. Clarke flips on her back but doesn’t meet Lexa’s eyes.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asks confused.

“No, I just...” Clarke sighs feeling ashamed about what she is going to say next she knows she is jealous but doesn’t want to admit it.

“I just didn’t know that you’re spending the day with Costia tomorrow”.

Lexa feels guilty, “I…I’m sorry I was going to tell you but then…I forgot”.

Indeed, when Lexa talked to Costia on the phone Clarke was in her own bubble painting and when she was about to tell her Clarke interrupted her with a kiss and things got heated and Lexa ended up forgetting about it until now that Anya reminded her.

Clarke felt hurt, how could Lexa forget to tell her that she is going to spend the day with her ex-girlfriend? The one who made Lexa comfortable with her body, the one who dated Lexa for years and the one who Lexa cares about.

“It’s fine, Lexa!” Clarke says flipping back on her side feeling tears welling up in her eyes.

“No, it’s not. You’re...you can’t even look at me, Clarke”.

Clarke looks back at her girlfriend and pecks her lips to reassure her, “I love you” but Lexa is not satisfied.

“Do you want me to cancel?” She asks and Clarke shakes her head, “She is your..” Clarke sighs, “I don’t know what she is but she is important to you so it’s fine…I’m going to be fine. Go spend the day with her”.

Lexa frowns, “It’s just lunch Clarke!” She explains.

“Right, lunch!” Clarke corrects with a huff. Lexa thinks for a moment then says, “I want you to come with me”.

Clarke’s eyes widen, “Really?” Lexa nods. “You’re my girlfriend and she knows I came here for you so,” She shrugs before adding, “and she’s your friend too”.

“I don’t know…I don’t think it’s a good idea. You guys may have a lot to talk about and I’ll be sitting there…it’ll be awkward”.

“No, it won’t be awkward…and I don’t have that much to tell her I just wanted to see her since I’m in Paris, please?”

**********

After two days of travelling, Finn arrives to his hometown where he is going to meet his mother’s ex-boyfriend Pike to have answers. The trip was a little bit helpful for him as he was too busy to think about what he left in France and all what happened back there with Lexa.

The last phone call with Clarke was not what he wished for. He wanted to see her again before leaving but Clarke was not as warm as he was expecting her to be so he left with a bitter feeling.

He doesn’t waste his time as soon as he lands he calls Pike to meet him and the latter clears his schedule and they end up meeting at Pike’s place.

Around an hour later, Finn finds out that his mother bought the shares from Gustus to help him in keeping total control of his company. Pike also informed him that when Gustus first started his company he had a partner who later betrayed him and that’s how Finn’s mom ended up buying his partner’s shares.

Pike told him that his mother knew that she was sick and she gave Gustus the envelope and asked him to take care of her son and raise him until he’s old enough and ready to be his partner. She thought Gustus would raise him as his own kid and teach him everything about the business so he can help him one day.

“Is that all, Finn?” Pike asks. Finn thinks for a brief moment then nods.

“Why now? I mean Gustus passed away long ago,” Pike asks confused.

“Because I just got them,” Finn simply replies, “I had the envelope but I didn’t want to open it. I wasn’t ready”.

Finn is thoughtful for a moment before he breaks the silence again, “What I don’t understand is why he didn’t give them to me before?

“Gustus is known to be a selfish man,” Pike states the obvious, “Maybe that’s why he sent you to the Middle East”.

Finn looks at Pike thoughtfully then thanks him and stands up to leave but Pike stops him “Finn! You should sell your shares. I heard about the Woods’ company having trouble these days, you shouldn’t risk all that you have. Sell them now that they still worth something. I mean at least you wouldn’t have to worry about going back to war or getting a shitty job. His daughter is safe enough, she is filthy rich. Get a good money, start your own business or you can go start a new life somewhere else”.

“I can’t do that, she’s family,” Finn replies.

“She is as ruthless as her father, she is known for that just like him. Like father like daughter”.

“Thank you for your help Pike,” Finn says before leaving not sparing a second look at the old man. While he was talking, Finn felt like Pike hates Gustus and even if it wasn’t a surprise because who didn’t? Finn felt like Gustus’ advices were more urged by his hate than his genuine concern for him, the son of his ex-girlfriend.

Finn books a night at the hotel and a ticket to fly back home. He needs to think about what he is going to do but he can’t do it with Raven or at her place so he has to go back to his apartment. He might have shared the apartment with Clarke for few weeks only but it was enough for him to feel her everywhere. He couldn’t find it in himself to live there without her.

Everything in his apartment reminded him of Clarke or Lexa, so he preferred to stay at Raven but not this time. He needs to have his privacy to think about what Pike told him and what he is going to decide. He might even need to study the market and do his researches before taking his final decision.

**France;**

After few hours of sleep, Lexa and Clarke wake up and get ready for a walk before meeting Costia for lunch. Clarke is nervous because she hasn’t seen or talked to Costia for so long. She doesn’t know how she is going to act around her knowing that she was the reason Lexa and her broke up.

She is walking hand in hand with Lexa when she asks her, “Are you sure it is a good idea?”

Lexa smiles, “Of course, I’m sure she will be happy to see you”.

Clarke grimaces not so much convinced by Lexa’s words.

“I don’t think so. After all I was a friend to her and I…betrayed her somehow?” She explains feeling anxious.

“If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, then don’t,” Lexa says and Clarke shakes her head, “No, it’s stupid I’ve to do it sooner or later. She is your…friend”.

Lexa chuckles when Clarke paused not knowing what to call Costia.

“Yes, she is a dear friend who happens to be my ex,” Lexa squeezes Clarke’s hand before adding, “don’t worry. You’re going to love it”.

When they arrive at the restaurant where they are supposed to find Costia waiting, Clarke frees her hand from Lexa’s thinking that it is probably better if she doesn’t rub the fact that she is with Lexa on Costia’s face.

Lexa doesn’t notice it and she is the first one who spots Costia sitting on a table alone checking her phone. She looks back at Clarke with a smile on her face because she is happy to see Costia again and Clarke smiles back at her.

Costia has a bright smile on her face at the sight of Lexa, she stands up from her chair and brings Lexa for a warm hug that lasts too long for Clarke’s taste.

In fact, Costia is happy to see Lexa, a familiar face. It has been months since she moved to France and even if she made some friends, she felt lonely. She had no one with her and she didn’t talk much with her friends back home as she was too busy.

“I missed you!” She whispers and Lexa rubs her back soothingly, “I missed you too”.

Clarke doesn’t miss the way Costia’s eyes shut close and her face shift too close to Lexa’s neck when she hugs her. She feels jealousy tug at her heart strings but quickly pushes the feeling away and forces a fake smile at Costia when she opens her eyes.

“Clarke,” Costia lets out surprised, “it’s nice to see you again” Costia opens her arms giving Clarke a friendly hug then sits back on her chair and gestures for the waiter.

When Lexa sits Costia pushes her chair closer to her and quickly they start catching up. First, it was mostly Costia who was asking Lexa about Anya and Raven. She was considerate enough to avoid asking her about Finn.

Then, Lexa was the one who asked her about how her life has been since she moved to Paris, she even talked to her about some of her favorite spots she likes here in Paris and Costia spontaneously suggests that they should visit them together and Lexa agrees. Clarke shifts uncomfortably in her chair not liking what is happening in front of her.

It is stupid but Clarke feels jealous at how easily Costia made Lexa comfortable. She feels jealous and she wonders if Lexa is like that when she is with her. She wonders if Lexa looks so happy when with her and the thought tugs at her heart the wrong way.

She keeps silent, it isn’t surprising she knew it was bound to happen. She would give Costia and Lexa time to catch up. Costia as usual is really tactile she even makes Lexa taste her dish, she held Lexa’s hand from time to time when they talked and what irritated Clarke the most was when she leaned and whispered something in Lexa’s ear and Lexa chuckled.

Clarke puts a napkin on the table, pushes her chair and leaves to the bathroom. She needs to breathe for a moment away from the subject of her jealousy which is suffocating her. She knows it is stupid and she shouldn’t feel that way because Lexa loves her and is with her and not with Costia but she can’t help the feeling.

Lexa looks at her girlfriend but Clarke is quick enough to flash her a reassuring smile which convinces her and she looks back at Costia who is talking.

When she comes back and sits on her chair, Lexa leans in and places a sweet peck on her cheek which almost wiped away all Clarke’s jealousy. She smiles at her lovingly and then looks away to fight the urge to bring her for a searing kiss.

“So you’re together,” Costia comments and Lexa smiles happily, “Yeah!”

Clarke looks at Costia and nods with a smile but quickly her smile falls when Costia asks, “How did Finn take it?”

Costia heard that Finn left Clarke at the altar on their wedding day but she doesn’t know if it has something to do with Lexa and Clarke.

Clarke looks at Lexa to see if she is going to answer or not but Lexa doesn’t meet her eyes and says, “He doesn’t know yet….he doesn’t even talk to me anymore”.

“Oh...ok,” Costia replies then taps her hand on top of Lexa’s in a reassuring way, “give him some time”.

Clarke notices the way Lexa’s face falls, she knows she is not happy with what happened between her and her brother. She feels guilty, she feels like she is the reason why Finn doesn’t talk to his sister anymore and the reason why Lexa is not completely happy.

Negative thoughts about being the reason of Lexa’s unhappiness once again start toying with her brain. Clarke feels her heart aching and tears well up in her eyes. How is she going to be happy knowing that she is making Lexa unhappy? How is she going to have a healthy relationship if she is living here in France and Lexa another continent?

“Here! I’m home on Monday, I’ll be expecting you,” Clarke is brought back from her thoughts by Costia’s voice who has Lexa’s phone in her hand. She is apparently typing her address for Lexa.

Clarke grits her teeth and takes a last gulp from her wine before standing up to leave. This is more than she can handle in such a short period of time. She needs to have a moment alone, she needs to think again about what she is doing and she needs to get away from them. She feels like they look more of a couple than her and Lexa at the way they are interacting.

“Clarke?” Lexa frowns questioningly seeing that Clarke took her purse with her, “are you ok?”

“I’m fine…it’s just a headache. I gotta go,” Clarke replies faking a smile and Lexa reaches for her hand but Clarke pulls back adding, “I’ll go home and you stay here with Costia. Costia! It was nice seeing you again”.

Lexa looks flabbergasted at Clarke, she doesn’t understand what took her. She is speechless and just as she is about to protest Costia speaks, “Thank you for coming Clarke. It was nice to see you as well”.

Just like that, Clarke leaves Lexa confused and it takes a moment to catch up with what just happened. Clarke pulled away when she tried to take her hand, she feels an ache in her heart, she excuses herself and runs outside after her.

“Clarke!” Lexa shouts halting Clarke’s footsteps. Lexa runs to her and cups her face “Hey! Is everything ok?”

Clarke looks away not meeting Lexa’s green eyes.

“It’s just a headache, Lexa. I’ll be fine!” She lies and Lexa knows it.

“Can you give me a minute and we’ll go back home together?” Lexa asks her and Clarke shakes her head, “I need some time alone”.

Lexa’s heart drops, she takes her hand away from Clarke’s face feeling like she is unwanted and nods, “Ok! Text me when you get home, please”.

Clarke nods and leaves without sparing Lexa a second look. Lexa goes back to the restaurant and cuts it short with Costia. When she walks away from the restaurant she doesn’t know where home is? Should she go to Clarke’s place? Or should she go back to her hotel? Clarke told her that she needs some time alone so maybe she should give her the rest of the day.

Lexa walks back to her hotel room in a terrible mood. She doesn’t know what’s going on in Clarke’s mind and it is frustrating. She spends two hours debating in her hotel room whether she should go to see Clarke or respect her wish to have some space.

Just the idea of spending the night away from Clarke while she can be with her now is inadmissible for Lexa. She remembers Clarke’s words asking her to communicate while she left without telling the truth about what is bothering her and she remembers that she will be leaving soon. She knows how badly she is going to miss her even now she misses her presence, her scent, her smile, her blue eyes and everything about her.

All the way to the Griffin’s household Lexa thinks about their situation. If they had a place of their own she wouldn’t be separated from Clarke even when she needs space she will still be in the same place as her.

Clarke opens the door and is not surprised to find Lexa. Lexa gets in and wraps her arms around her, “I missed you” Clarke’s heart melts a little bit but not as much as it should as she can’t help feeling sad. Clarke doesn’t say anything, she walks back to her living room and sits on the couch, Lexa follows her but doesn’t sit too close to her.

“Are you feeling better?” Lexa asks softly and Clarke shrugs.

“Clarke! Look at me!” Lexa asks again in a desperate tone. Clarke looks at her but keeps silent.

“I know I should have respected your wish to have some space, but I couldn’t!” Lexa shakes her head, “not when I don’t know why you need it”.

Clarke sighs, “I just need some time alone. It is not like you were available, anyway”.

Lexa frowns, “What? Is it about Costia?”

“No!” Clarke replies hastily then corrects her answer, “Yes, Lexa! It’s about Costia but it’s also about us”.

“Us?” Lexa looks confused at her just this morning they were fine.

“Yeah! I don’t think I’m…” Clarke takes a deep breath, “good enough for you and we’re barely together but I already know that it is not going to work, Lexa”.

Lexa’s heart breaks at Clarke’s words, “What? Why are you saying that? What are you saying?”

“I’m just stating the obvious,” Clarke says, “I came between you and your brother and it’s selfish without mentioning that it’s going to be difficult to be together while I’m here and you’re in the US…no just let me finish. And the way you were there with Costia, it is different you smile is…she makes you happy, happier than when we’re together and you even want to go to her place! What if it is just the passion for now and it is only physical between us and once you leave you realize...” Clarke is stuttering between sobs and Lexa feels her heart breaking.

“I don’t want anyone but you,” Lexa says but Clarke misses it and Lexa tries again scooting closer to her girlfriend, “Clarke! Don’t you dare think that way. You didn’t come between me and Finn. He chose to leave and…I don’t know what gave you these thoughts but believe me you’re the only one I want to be with. You’re the one who makes me happy not Costia, nor anyone else. And _us_ is more than just physical, you’re my best friend, you’re my soulmate, the love of my life and I don’t think I can live without you anymore…I mean without knowing that you’re mine, my girlfriend….my love”.

“I…I couldn’t handle seeing you with her,” Clarke admits and Lexa’s heart melts.

“You’re jealous!” She can’t help smiling even if she shouldn’t as Clarke is hurting.

Clarke looks at her and nods, “You can’t blame me”.

“Clarke! It’s ridiculous! Costia is my friend nothing more”.

“She’s your ex,” Clarke reminds her.

“Well, yes she’s my ex but believe me I’ve never felt anything for her like I feel for you…I mean it’s beyond everything I’ve ever felt…and I don’t know maybe I was smiling more than when I’m with you, a thing I doubt but you’re the real reason of my smiles of my happiness. She even told me that I look happier because I’m with you, she said ‘ _I’m glad that Clarke is good for you_ ’ her words not mine!”

Clarke smiles at Lexa and wipes her tears, “It doesn’t make up for the fact that it’s going to be difficult being in a long distance relationship”.

“I know and I told you that it’s not going to be easy, but I know something else,” Lexa replies, “I know that my love for you is strong enough and can handle it. It went through worse…more than ten years but it didn’t fade…it survived”.

Clarke smashes her lips against Lexa’s in a searing kiss and Lexa feels her heart swell in her chest. She wraps her arms around Clarke tightly before tilting her head back, “I’m not leaving anyway…it’s not going to be a distant relationship…I don’t think I can do it I barely managed to be away from you for a few hours”.

Clarke smiles weakly at Lexa, “Let’s not worry about that now. And I’m sorry for being jealous”.

“That’s ok,” Lexa replies then kisses Clarke’s nose before adding, “just don’t leave me behind next time”.

“Now that it is settled and I know you’re ok, I can give you space in your home,” Lexa says and Clarke frowns, “What? No!”

“It’s fine, Clarke but I’ll be back tomorrow,” Lexa reassures her girlfriend. She doesn’t want to impose or be clingy, if Clarke need some space she will give it to her.

“ _Lexa! Tu es mon chez moi, si tu pars je viens aussi_ ” (Lexa! You’re my home, if you leave I’ll go with you).

**The USA; Woods’ office building;**

**Anya’s office;**

Raven knocks at the frame door of Anya’s office before getting in. Anya looks up and smiles when she sees it is her.

“Am I interrupting?” Raven asks walking in.

“You’re always interrupting, Raven! We’re at work,” Anya replies seriously.

“Well if you’re not always here in the office and hang out a little bit with your friends we wouldn’t need to interrupt,” Raven replies taking the documents Anya was reading.

Anya rolls her eyes. “I can do both, work and listen to you! It better be about work,” She warns her.

“It’s not,” Raven quickly says, “I just came to inform you that we’re having a movie night at my place tonight so don’t stay here too late”.

“We?” Anya raises her eyebrow.

“Yes, me and you,” Raven explains, “as friends, don’t worry”.

“Can’t it wait when-“ Raven doesn’t let Anya continue, “Lexa is back? Well I talked to her and she said she ain’t coming back this week. Si we’re having the movie night, tonight”.

Anya chuckles, “Ok, now give me back my documents and leave”.

“Here,” Raven puts them back on her desk before leaving swaying her hips exaggeratedly.

Later that day, Anya knocks on Raven’s door hesitantly. She is not really comfortable about the idea of being around Raven alone and at night but she knows she can’t just refuse because it might make things awkward between them and this is what she wants to avoid.

Raven opens the door with a big smile on her face, “Glad you made it”. Anya smiles back at her, “I didn’t really have a choice, did I?”

“No, you’re right. You don’t,” Raven winks at her and adds, “go to the living-room I’ll go get few things and be back”.

Anya walks into Raven’s living-room and finds it differently decorated she frowns and sits on the couch her back to the TV and waits for her best friend to join her.

Raven comes back with a data show in her hand and a popcorn in the other. She turns it on and turns off the lights before sitting next to Anya.

Anya is silent not knowing what to expect from all of this and when she reads “ _The reasons why we should be together…why I want you to be my girlfriend_ ” She looks at Raven and asks, “I thought we’re going to see a movie?”

Raven shushes her and looks back at the screen. Anya turns back and watches while Raven is bouncing her leg nervously.

_Reason number one: Your eyes…I love them._

Raven starts clicking on the remote going through some old pictures she has of Anya where they are encircled in red.

_Reason number two: Your brain…you’re a smartass. I like smart, it is sexy (;_

_Reason number three: You push my limits when we argue and you’re the first person I can tolerate after an argument._

_Reason number four: Your smile…I love it and always loved it._

Again, Raven starts clicking at the remote showing Anya all the pictures she took of her while she was smiling. Most of them Anya were unaware of being photographed. It goes on and on, longer than the previous reasons and Anya can’t help commenting, “That’s creepy! How much pictures do you have of me?”

“Wait let me explain,” Raven hastily replies, “I know it may seem creepy but it’s not. I don’t do that with anyone, I don’t do it with Lexa, Costia or any of our friends not even with Finn. I’ve never done it” She shakes her head, “I didn’t know why I love taking pictures of you, not until we kissed and everything became clear? Anyway what I mean is that I always had feelings or was attracted to you I just was too dumb to admit it or realize it”.

Anya looks for a few seconds at Raven surprised. She is speechless, she doesn’t know what to say so she looks back at the screen and Raven continues.

_Reason number five: Your tiny ass and your boobs, this is not romantic but it is the truth…I love them._

Anya slaps Raven’s lap playfully and Raven chuckles.

“I’m trying to be honest,” She says before going to the next one.

_Reason number six: We both are equally annoying...we should be together and spare two boring humans the trouble to date us._

_Reason number seven: You are my best friend._

_Reason number eight: Your look when you are thoughtful is…so sexy._

Raven goes through few pictures she took of Anya some were taken in her office at work and others just random pictures of her. Raven could see from the corner of her eyes Anya looking at her.

“Focus! I didn’t put all the reasons and we’re almost at the end,” Raven says and Anya looks back at the screen.

_Reason number nine: I always hated your ex-boyfriends…because I was kind of jealous._

_Reason number ten: I’m happier when you are around…check this out._

Raven selected many pictures that were taken either from Lexa, or Finn or Costia from several occasions as Christmas and birthdays. In all the pictures Raven is smiling and she is looking at Anya.

Raven feels Anya’s hand sliding into hers, intertwining their fingers and her heart skips a beat then she relaxes and clicks for the last one.

_Bonus Reason: Sexual tension between us. Whenever I’m angry at you all I wanna do is kiss you, fuck you…_

The demonstration ends up and darkness envelops the room except for the little light from the data show. Anya scoots closer and tugs at Raven’s shirt smashing her lips against hers. The kiss is perfect, it is sweet and slow as well as deep and passionate. It lasts less than Raven wants but it is more than what she was hoping for.

“Thank you,” Anya says against her lips and Raven smiles contently but just as she is about to ask her Anya cups her face again and leans on top of her and starts making out with her.

Quickly Anya’s kisses and touches become more burning and when Raven feels Anya’s hand tugging at her jeans she stops her.

Anya is confused and a little bit surprised. “I got carried away,” She mumbles.

“Even if all I want to do is fuck you senseless, I wanna keep my promise ‘ _no sex’_ remember?”

“Are you serious?” Anya asks surprised.

“Yeah. I am,” Raven replies before pecking her lips softly. Anya pulls away from Raven and sits back on the couch while Raven turns on the lights and puts a movie. They spend the night watching movies or more like throwing glances at the movies on TV while talking.

The night quickly becomes filled with stolen kisses and confessions. It was different from any other time they have been together or hang out just the two of them. It was sweet and when it was time for bed Anya insisted on sleeping on the same bed as Raven who was more than happy to grant her wish.

The next morning, Raven is the first one to wake up she doesn’t move she opens her eyes and looks at Anya’s sleeping face and her heart warms. She never thought that she will one day wake up to Anya this close to her, she never thought she would be smiling dreamingly like a teenage girl at her crush.

She pushes the sheets from her and gets out of bed. She wants to at least prepare coffee before Anya leaves. She knows she will leave before she can even say good morning to her.

Few minutes later, Anya wakes up once again to an empty bed. The night was a good one but now that she found that Raven woke up earlier than her she freaks out but before she can even get out of the bed her best friend shows up with two coffee mugs in hands and halts her, “Breakfast in bed?”.

Anya can’t help her lips curving in a smile but she quickly hides it with the coffee mug Raven handed her.

“It’s coffee, not breakfast!” Anya comments and Raven raises her eyebrow, “As if you eat something in the morning!”

Anya smiles, Raven knows her. “Since when you became a morning person?” She asks confused. Lately, Raven keeps on coming on time and more than once which is not just a coincidence.

“Morning blondie,” Raven says instead.

“Morning,” Anya replies then adds, “I’m wondering what happened that’s all”.

“I told you, I’m trying to impress someone,” Raven replies with a smirk and it only grows bigger when she sees Anya blushing.

“I gotta go-“ Anya says but Raven shushes her waving her hand, “It’s barely six, drink your coffee”.

Anya looks utterly confused then Raven explains, “I knew you would wake up and leave so I wanted to have some time with you before you leave”.

Raven feels weird but she wants her to know that she is serious about wanting to date her.

“Since Lexa left, I barely get to see you,” She adds hoping that it says it all.

Anya is speechless, she doesn’t know what she is supposed to say. She doesn’t want to stare blankly at Raven while she is doing all the effort to have whatever they are trying. She feels a little bit guilty because she only thanked Raven for the sweet presentation she gave her but she didn’t say anything else and Raven didn’t pressure her because she didn’t want to ruin the moment while she was kissing her or later that night when they were in their own bubble.

She taps her hand on the bed gesturing for Raven to join her. Raven sits and looks at her eyes then her lips twitch in a discreet smile. Anya glances at her lips then at her eyes, the moment is filled with uncertainty and something sweeter. Anya decides to make the move at least this time, she pushes Raven’s chin with her fingers lightly and tilts her head meeting her halfway.

Raven feels like it is the first time she is being kissed. Anya’s lips are moving slowly and carefully against hers. It is soft and full of something much better than raw lust. Raven can’t help smiling against her lips, Anya again pecks Raven’s smiling lips before pulling back.

When Anya opens her eyes again, Raven feels her heart thudding hard against her chest but choses to ignore it. She wants to ask her best friend if they are something now, if this means anything but refrains. She doesn’t want to ruin the moment, it is silent but so heavy with something that feels much like love.

Raven’s heart skips a beat at the thought she wants to ask her ‘ _Did I mention that I love your lips and your smile?_ ’ but instead she takes a deep breath and says, “We should hang out more often, even when Lexa isn’t here”.

“Yeah! It was nice and I had fun yesterday, thank you again. I needed it,” Anya replies softly before leaving to the bathroom. When she comes back she finds Raven laying back in bed, eyes closed.

“Don’t you dare go back to sleep,” Anya comments.

“I’m not asleep,” Raven replies. “I’m just enjoying my bed before I have to start my day”.

Anya chuckles, she takes her pillow and hits Raven with it. “Wake up and get ready, I don’t wanna be late”.

Raven opens her eyes in surprise, does it mean that they are carpooling today? She doesn’t know but she also doesn’t want to look like an idiot.

“You’re coming with me?” She asks hesitantly.

“What? No! You’re a careless driver! You’re coming with me because I don’t want you to be late. Get dressed!” Anya replies bossily and Raven likes it she quickly obeys.

When Anya puts the jacket of her suit Raven freezes for a moment looking dumbly at her.

“I like your suits,” She compliments.

“And I like your dresses,” Anya flirts back she knows it is lame but she couldn’t help.

“That much I gathered when you fucked me on your dinner table,” Raven laughs.

“Funny! That’s not what I remember,” Anya comments and Raven’s resolve fades away. She fists Anya’s jacket and pulls her closer and whispers against her lips, “I want you…in your suit…I don’t wanna pressure you but I gotta ask! Will you let me take you out for a nice dinner tonight?”

Anya is about to answer when Raven adds, “I’ll wear a dress and maybe take you home”. Anya lets out a breath before nodding and smashing her lips against Raven’s tugging her lips with her own eagerly.

**France; The next morning;**

**Griffin’s household; Clarke’s bedroom;**

Lexa smiles sleepily when Clarke stirs beside her and takes her arm and holds it against her chest. Mornings are her favorite now, she doesn’t wake up like a robot and go for a run then take a shower when she is back. With Clarke, her schedule is different the hour she usually takes to work out, shower and get ready is now barely enough to get out of bed and get in the shower.

Clarke purposely pushes her ass against Lexa when she feels her morning boner. Even if they had sex so many times and feel more comfortable around one another naked, Lexa still feels embarrassed when she gets a morning boner. It happened just once and now but Lexa feels her cheeks blushing she knows Clarke is awake and she is now holding her captive with her arm.

Nonetheless, Lexa tries to slip away but Clarke whines.

“Five more minutes,” Lexa hears Clarke’s husky morning voice.

She shifts her hips back a little bit trying to avoid poking Clarke’s ass with her boner but as soon as she does Clarke scoots closer and rolls her hips against it. She can’t help bucking her hips in response.

Clarke lets out a content moan and Lexa gets it. She pushes Clarke’s hair and places few kisses on the back of her neck and her shoulder. Clarke takes Lexa’s hand in hers and kneads at her breast a few times before releasing it. Lexa slips her hand under Clarke’s shirt instead, cups her breast in her hand and brushes Clarke’s nipple with her thumb repeatedly while Clarke is trying to reach her buttocks to push her hard cock against her ass.

Lexa can’t resist anymore and pushes herself completely against Clarke’s ass and starts grinding slowly. Clarke feels more than content to wake up like that Lexa kneading at her breast teasing her nipple while her tongue is caressing her neck along with her now uneven breath, she moans feeling herself getting wet by the second at the feeling of Lexa’s cock grinding against her ass.

Lexa pushes Clarke’s pillow away and hooks her arm instead and reaches her breast replacing her other hand which is now by the hem of Clarke’s panties. Clarke breathes out Lexa’s name like a plea for more, and right away she feels Lexa’s slender fingers sliding between her soaking wet folds.

At the feeling of Clarke’s arousal, Lexa lets out in a grateful tone, “You’re so wet!” Clarke hums and starts bucking her hips to meet her fingers. They lose themselves, panting and using one another feverishly chasing their release.

Lexa cums first ruining her underwears, she pulls back and pushes Clarke on her back and takes off her panties before spreading her thighs wide. When her eyes meet Clarke’s clit and wet folds she drools feeling her cock twitch again. Clarke whimpers spreading herself wider and arching her back silently asking for Lexa to do something and stop staring uselessly at her cunt.

Lexa blows softly at Clarke’s folds driving her crazy before lapping her tongue and licking her juices. She moans at the taste sending vibrations against Clarke’s center who lets out a dirty moan at the sensation. Clarke lifts her hips to meet Lexa’s mouth and reaches for the back of her head pushing her harder against her center.

Lexa rewards her, consuming her like fire, her tongue stroking in long slow licks first then sucking at her clit while her slender fingers are curling inside her driving her high to a promising end.

Lexa feels herself hardening, jealous of her fingers and mouth, the sight of Clarke spread for her, panting and trying to muffle her moans against her pillow, her blond locks cascading her beautiful sweaty neck, arouse her to no end.

When finally Clarke reaches her orgasm, Lexa breathes out ‘ _Fuck’_ she felt Clarke’s walls clamping around her but she never felt them around her fingers. She gives Clarke a moment to come down from her bliss before pushing her lips delicately against Clarke’s clit placing a soft kiss then she hovers up Clarke’s body and looks at her.

The sight is endearing, Clarke’s cheeks are red and when she opens her eyes she looks at her sleepily, “Morning”. Lexa smiles and kisses her neck up to her ear and whispers a good morning before laying back next to her. Clarke takes a moment before moving again only to cuddle.

“I’m sure your mom heard everything,” Lexa comments.

“She’s sleeping like a rock”.

“Still, you were loud and she might be awake now,” Lexa adds.

“She’ll think it was you,” Clarke jokes and Lexa chuckles.

“I’m not a screamer,” Lexa teases Clarke who slaps her playfully.

“What if I prove you wrong?” Clarke asks moving her hand down between Lexa’s legs. Her eyes widen, “Oh waw! Still hard?”

“It kind of turned me on eating you out,” Lexa justifies and Clarke bites her lip. She moves over Lexa’s hips, straddles her and leans down to kiss her. Before things get heated again, Lexa stops her, “We should take a shower and get out for breakfast”.

Clarke pouts, “Ok, but we shower together” She wiggles her eyebrows and Lexa bursts into laughter.

They end up showering together and more like playing in the shower together and trading soft kisses and caresses until the hot water runs out and they are forced to get out.

Once they make it to a café, Lexa orders plain coffee and Clarke asks for a crêpe au chocolat and when the waitress brings it Lexa’s eyes widen.

“Clarke! This isn’t healthy,” She comments.

“I know but I have you , you worn me out!” Clarke replies with a wink making Lexa blush, she shoves her index finger in the chocolate and the whipped cream on top and pushes it to Lexa’s mouth.

Lexa opens her mouth and tastes it without thinking it twice and a moan escapes her lips, “It really tastes good but-“ An old woman clears her throat interrupting Lexa who turns and look at her.

The old woman is sitting with two kids, her grandsons probably and is looking furiously at Lexa and Clarke while the two boys are giggling. Lexa raises her eyebrow than looks back at Clarke shocked.

“Was I that loud?” She asks and Clarke nods, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tempted you”.

“Her grandkids look more mature than her,” Lexa whispers and Clarke giggles nodding, “Yeah and they’re cute, look at them!” Clarke makes a funny face at them and one of the boys pulls his tongue out at her.

Lexa simply smiles at them and looks back at Clarke dreamily who is still exchanging funny faces with them. Her heart warms at the idea of Clarke with kids, she would be great with them. She pictures herself with Clarke on a couch and two or three kids who look much like Clarke all over them, her lips twitch in a smile but then she quickly shushes the idea away.

Things are still complicated and they have not experienced what is it like to be together while living in different continents? She doesn’t even know yet what she is going to do so thinking about kids is way too early and in addition the last time she checked Clarke doesn’t want to be tied with kids.

“What are you thinking about?” Lexa is interrupted from her thoughts by Clarke. She smiles at her and shakes her head, “Nothing important”.

After a moment Clarke speaks again, “I’m happy”. Lexa’s heart stings dreading a ‘ _but_ ’ but then Clarke adds, “Are you?”

Lexa smiles at Clarke and it should be enough as an answer but Lexa wants to voice it, “More than I’ve ever been”.

Clarke smiles back at her feeling like it is not completely the truth because she knows Lexa. She cares about her brother and he is not talking to her so even if she is happy, she is not as happy as she says because something that she cares about is missing. Clarke knows that this is the happiest they can get and that in few days Lexa will be gone and all of the euphoria, bliss and joy will leave with her.

“I’d like for this moment to last forever,” She finally blurts out.

“Not me,” Lexa replies and Clarke looks questioningly at her.

“Not me because I want more than this…more than just girlfriend’s across-“ Lexa starts to explain when Clarke shushes her, “Don’t, please! Don’t finish your sentence because you’re going to give me too much hope and it is going to make it harder for me to let you go”.

Lexa’s heart aches she gives Clarke an apologetic smile, she wants to kiss her to promise her the world but she can’t, not now. She takes Clarke’s hand and kisses it.

“I love you and that’s never going to change. We’ll have more than that I promise you,” Lexa says and Clarke’s heart melts, she doesn’t care about the old woman and leans and gives Lexa a loving kiss.

“I love you too,” She murmurs against her lips.

**USA; Anya’s office;**

**Lunch break;**

Raven walks into Anya office feeling weird, she doesn’t know why she already misses being with Anya. She spent the whole morning thinking about her and reminiscing at the sweet moment they shared yesterday and this morning. She wants to try her luck asking Anya to have Lunch with her.

“Hey sexy,” She lets out as soon as she gets in.

Anya frowns looking at her. “Don’t…not in the office,” Anya says in a warning tone.

“We’re alone, An. Practically, the whole building is empty,” Raven replues and Anya shakes her head, “I said not in the office”.

Raven is taken aback by Anya’s coldness. Just this morning they were fine she doesn’t get it why Anya is frustrated now.

“What’s wrong?” Raven asks worried.

“Nothing, just work,” Anya replies then looks back at her, “do you need anything?”

Raven looks at her for a moment before answering, “No, I just wanted to see if you want to have lunch with me but I see that you’re busy”.

Anya doesn’t miss the hurt in Raven’s eyes she sighs and stops her before she leaves, “Raven, please!”

Raven stops at her track and looks back at her expectantly. Anya smiles at her and walks to the door of her office, closes it and gestures for Raven to sit. Raven walks back into the office and sits facing Anya.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped out at you like that,” Anya says in a softer voice and Raven’s heart melts. She never heard Anya talk to her so sweetly.

“I’m exhausted and there’s so much to do and I just got a call from Melissa, she is bringing lunch and I don’t know what or how to tell her that!” Anya huffs before continuing, “how to tell her that I like someone else and we should break up”.

Raven’s face drops, she can’t have lunch because Melissa is coming instead. She feels jealous, “Do you want me to…I don’t know talk to her with you?”

Anya chuckles nervously, “No, it’s fine. I’ll take care of it….just be at your best tonight I’ll need some quality time”.

Raven smirks at Anya, “Quality time? Don’t worry for that”.

“By that I mean a good dinner and a massage and some pampering,” Anya says.

“That’s all?” Raven asks playfully.

Anya hums stretching her shoulders, “Depends on what you’ll offer” She flirts back.

Raven notices Anya trying to rub the back of her neck, she stands up and walks behind her. She slaps Anya’s hands lightly and Anya takes them away. The second Raven’s hands are on her shoulders and the back of her neck massaging her, Anya lets out a moan.

“I didn’t know you are good at that!” Anya exclaims.

“Well my hands are pretty talented, I think you’ve tried them you shouldn’t be surprised,” She replies smugly. Just as Anya is about to retort she feels Raven’s tongue on the side of her neck. “Fuck!” She lets out.

Raven giggles dropping few kisses before moving her hands and massaging Anya’s breasts. Anya lets her head fall back and her hand wraps around Raven’s head at her side bringing her for a kiss.

It’s a chaste one but Raven revels in it and whines when Anya pulls back.

“You should leave, she’s going to be here any minute,” Anya says and Raven’s heart drops. She doesn’t want to leave, not like that, not now that she is finally having a moment with Anya.

Raven walks facing Anya, sits on her lap and cups her face in her hands before bringing her in for searing kiss. It’s fast, rough a little bit and needy. Raven leaves Anya’s lips before trailing kisses down her jaw then her neck. She nips at her skin hardly on purpose while her hands move lower to knead at Anya’s breasts.

Soon Anya is panting under her, she knows Raven is trying to mark her somehow. She knows Raven is acting childish but she can’t bring herself stopping her. She likes that Raven is jealous enough to act so possessive.

When she feels her using her teeth and biting a little bit harder than she should for just a make out session in the office she pushes her hand against her shoulder trying to stop her, “We should stop!” Raven ignores her and starts unbuttoning her shirt.

“Raven! Babe! Please stop,” Anya hopes Raven didn’t notice the slip up but Raven instinctively stops. She looks up into Anya’s eyes to see if she regrets it or not when Anya smiles at her “She is at the lobby my phone is chiming”

Raven nods. “Ok, I’m sorry I just…I can’t wait for tonight,” She stutters before buttoning Anya’s shirt. Anya smiles at the sweet gesture and leans in placing a soft kiss on Raven’s lips.

“Thank you and I’m sorry for cutting this short but I’d rather talk to her before we date”.

Raven nods in understanding, “I’ll see you tonight then”.

“Tonight,” Anya promises with a smile.

Later that night, Raven makes sure to buy some natural massage oils before getting home, she wants to pamper Anya and gives her a memorable night. She doesn’t care about dinner. In fact she is going to order something once Anya arrives she rather makes sure to decorate her bedroom with some scented candles and also choose the most luxurious lingerie she has and a dress.

When Anya knocked on her door, she wasn’t expecting Raven to look that sexy. Her jaw drops and she stutters, “You look…amazing…your dress is perfect”.

Raven smiles, happy her dress has that effect on Anya. She pulls her in, pecks her lips and closes the door.

Raven looks from head to toe at Anya noticing that she is wearing another suit. She smirks and walks back in the living-room. Anya blushes and follows her.

“So, what do you want? Chinese, pizza?” Raven asks and Anya raises her eyebrow at her, “don’t look at me like that, I’ve something else to make it up for not cooking”.

“Chinese,” She says before taking off her jacket. Raven orders their dinner before joining Anya on the couch.

“So, how was it?” Raven asks and Anya frowns for a moment before catching up, “Oh, Melissa…well it wasn’t easy”.

“How so? If you know what you want, it should be easy,” Raven replies hastily.

“It’s not like that!” Anya pinches the bridge of her nose before adding, “I know who I want to be with but it’s not fair for her…I didn’t tell her about you”.

“Oh, well! That’s…I don’t even know if it is a good thing that she didn’t know about me or a bad thing,” Raven replies honestly.

“It doesn’t matter, Raven,” Anya replies smiling at her, “I’m here with you tonight”.

“Ok. Do you want to get a massage now or wait after we get some food?”

“Massage?” Anya is surprised, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I want to pamper you. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Anya chuckles, “Well yeah of course, but is it the kind of massage you gave me this morning in the office or just a regular massage?”

Raven laughs, “Just a regular one for now”.

“Who am I to say no?” Anya replies with a smirk. Raven takes her hand and walks her to her bedroom. Anya is flabbergasted at the ambiance Raven made in her bedroom, she inhale a deep breath the scent of the candles and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room not knowing if she should undress or wait for Raven to do it.

Raven goes to her nightstand and takes the oils she got and shows them to Anya.

“So, which one do you want?”

Anya goes through them and picks two. Raven goes back by the nightstand and leaves the two bottles there when she looks back at Anya she finds here already unbuttoning her shirt.

“Wait, I’ll do it,” Raven says. She walks to her and starts unbuttoning her shirt slowly not meeting Anya’s eyes while Anya is staring at her. When she takes off her shirt she looks down at her pants then back at Anya asking for permission. Anya smiles at her and nods.

Raven manages to undress Anya without giving in to her charms and consuming every inch of her skin. Anya keeps only her underwears and lays on the bed. Raven takes off her high heels and rolls her dress a little bit up on her thighs so she can straddle Anya’s back.

Once done she warns her best friend first that she is going to straddle her. She takes off her bra and pours the oil Anya chose in the palm of her hand before rubbing it on her back and starts massaging her.

Anya doesn’t hold herself, she moans whenever she feels her muscles relaxing under the perfect pressure Raven is applying. Then when she is about to massage her legs Anya’s phone starts off.

“Wait! let me get it,” Anya says and Raven rolls her eyes without moving, “No work allowed”.

“Come on Raven I gotta take it,” Anya insists and Raven huffs standing up so Anya can reach her phone. She looks at the screen and her eyes widen in surprise.

“It’s Finn,” She says and Raven frowns.

Why would Finn call Ayna and not her?

“Pick up” She says and looks at her intently.

Anya picks up the phone call and regrets. Just by his voice she could tell it is not a friendly call. Finn tells her that he is going to come tomorrow to the office for a business meeting when Anya tries to ask him he interrupts her saying that she will know tomorrow.

“That was weird!” Anya says then when she sees Raven is not as much surprised as her she frowns, “Do you know anything about that?”

Raven sighs, “I don’t think we should talk about that, An. It’s work and you’re going to know tomorrow anyway”.

“So you know!” Anya says and Raven nods, “You know he tells me everything”.

“And?” Anya is waiting for her to elaborate but Raven is silent. She stares at her for a moment then she hears her doorbell. Literaly saved by the bell.

“That’s our food,” She says before leaving the bedroom.

Raven is about to close the door when she hears Anya’s footsteps behind her. Anya shoves the door back open and leaves. Raven calls for her but Anya storms out without looking back.

“Fuck,” Raven throws the food bags on her coffee table and calls Anya but she doesn’t pick up. She waits half an hour before trying again when Anya texts her ‘ _Stop calling’._

The next morning, Anya finds Finn already waiting for her. She smiles at him and gives him a friendly hug then when she sees that he didn’t even pat her back or reciprocate she feels her heart drops. Her eyes flick to the man with him who looks like a lawyer.

“Do you want coffee or anything?” Anya asks but both Finn and the man with him says no. She walks them to her office but Finn stops just at the door and doesn’t enter “Anya! I’d rather have this meeting in the conference room”.

“Of course,” Anya nods, “Just let me take few things”.

After taking what she needed, Anya heads to the conference room with only Finn and the other man. As soon as they sit Finn informs her that he is his lawyer and asks for Lexa’s presence.

“She’s on a business trip. I represent her on her absence,” Anya replies eyes flicking from between Finn and his lawyer.

“Cut the crap Anya, she needs to be here,” Finn replies angrily. He is jealous if Lexa is not here it means she is still in France and with Clarke. They might even be together. His chest burns with jealousy.

“I’ll call her and if she can make it, she will be here but I need to know what this is all about?”

“It’s none of your business,” Finn replies harshly before his lawyer can say anything.

“Well it is my business too, as a lawful interim of Lexa, I need to know. If it was none of my business, you would have gone to her place and talk to her privately, but here you are and with a lawyer, your intentions are clear”.

Finn looks at her for a moment thoughtfully.

“By Tuesday if she’s not here, I’ll do what needs to be done without consulting her,” He says before storming out of the conference room followed by his lawyer.

Anya’s heart drops she doesn’t know what is happening in Finn’s mind. The only one who can know is Raven but she refuses to tell her anything. She huffs and walks back to her office when she sees Raven just arriving.

Anya decides to try and resonate Raven to tell her what are Finn’s intentions. She walks into her office without saying good morning she goes right to the point.

“You need to tell me why the hell Finn came here with a lawyer talking to me with a threatening tone and being all aggressive”.

Raven rolls her eyes and closes the door, it is going to be a hell of a conversation.

“Listen, I really want to talk to you but if you’re going to talk to me just to fight and leave I’m not going to do it. I thought we were getting somewhere and then you just leave?”

“I left because you still are hiding things from me, not only I am your best friend too and you should tell me everything and especially you shouldn’t take side but in addition you know something that might harm Lexa but you keep it for yourself”.

“She’s his sister, he’s not going to hurt her. He only wants to take what’s rightfully his,” Raven lets out angrily.

Anya frowns. “His?” She tilts her head and raises her eyebrow waiting for Raven to explain.

“Fuck!” Raven hisses, “it’s not my place to tell you but yeah, he owns shares of this company that’s what there was in the envelope Gustus hid from him and now he wants to be part of the company I guess”

Anya listens to Raven with wide eyes and after a moment she chuckles, “Be part of the company? Are you fucking kidding me, Raven? He knows shit about our business and according to his defensive behavior and his situation now with all the drama of Clarke and Lexa I don’t think he wants that…He threatened to and I quote him ‘ _Do what’s need to be done without consulting her_ ’ “.

Raven frowns, “No that’s-“ Before she can finish her sentence Anya interrupts her, “Why the hell are you defending him anyway?” Anya feels jealous.

“What? Of course I’m defending him because you’re blaming him for something he is not. We shouldn’t be arguing about that, it’s their business and we should let them deal with it,” Raven replies angrily.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Are you kidding me? It’s my business and yours too. I work my ass off for this company, my whole life is here. Maybe you don’t care but this is all my life here,” Anya says.

“I do care, An. But it feels like you’re using this and anything that you can find to avoid us, just like yesterday you stormed out without giving me the time to explain or say something….you didn’t even pick up my calls”.

“You know what? You’re right I’m using this to not be with you. Maybe it’s not a good idea to be together after all”.

Raven doesn’t say anything at first she looks at Anya eyes filled with hurt then asks her, “Are you serious?”

Anya looks back at her then shakes her head, “I don’t know…I’m sorry it’s just…I can’t deal with this right now. I need to call Lexa”.

Anya leaves to her office and calls Lexa to inform her that she needs to be back as soon as possible.

**France; Griffin’s household;**

**Clarke’s bedroom; 3 am;**

After Anya’s call, Lexa walks back into Clarke’s bedroom devastated, she looks at Clarke sleeping soundly and her heart aches. She is going to wake her up and let her know that she is leaving. How is she going to do it? She thinks about waiting for the sun to come up and tell Clarke after breakfast but it is stupid. She will only lose few hours and maybe miss an earlier flight.

If Finn came with a lawyer, it is not a good thing and Anya is not easy to be intimidated. She is used to handle things on her own so if she panicked it really means that things are that serious.

Lexa lays back on the bed next to Clarke. Tears start spilling down her cheeks, she doesn’t want to leave Clarke, not yet, not so soon. She spoons Clarke and breathes her in closing her eyes trying to keep the memory of her smell and perfume in mind because she is going to miss it.

Clarke hums sleepily and grips Lexa’s arm tighter around her. Lexa smiles and scoots even closer and much to her dismay instead of going back to sleep and spooning Clarke she finds herself trying to wake her up.

“Clarke,” Lexa tries softly dropping kisses on the back of her neck but Clarke is asleep. Lexa tries again and this time she moves her hand a little bit trying to free it and Clarke finally stirs.

“Clarke, love! Please wake up,” Lexa says in a sad voice. Clarke hums again and turns to face Lexa without opening her eyes she nuzzles into her neck and wraps her arm around her waist.

Lexa sighs defeated, her heart is aching. How is she going to do this? She wants to ask her to go back with her but she can’t. She promised Abby to not ask Clarke to leave. She doubts she is strong enough to leave Clarke behind and go back home without her.

In fact, Lexa feels home now. It’s the first time in years she can say that she knows how a home feels like. It’s in Clarke’s arms, somewhere between her lips when they curve in a smile and her eyes when they twinkle. It’s somewhere in Clarke, it’s in Clarke and it’s Clarke, her home. Her perfume, her touches, her skin, her presence and her love that makes Lexa feel home.

She wipes the tears from her face and kisses Clarke’s forehead.

“Clarke babe! I really need you to wake up”.

Clarke pulls back and opens her eyes, Lexa doesn’t need to say anything her eyes and face display enough. Clarke’s face falls, “Lexa!”

Lexa forces a smile for her then says, “Anya called and it’s pretty urgent. I’ve to leave tomorrow…today if possible”.

Clarke doesn’t know what to say she looks at Lexa’s face for a moment before wrapping her arms around her tightly. Lexa wraps her arm around Clarke’s shoulder as well and they stay like that for a while. Lexa doesn’t speak, she is afraid that she may cry so she just enjoys Clarke before they have to talk or she has to leave.

“I know that you have to go. I know, but can you just for once maybe, live for the moment and stay here with me,” Clarke says after tilting her head back so her voice is not muffled by Lexa’s chest.

“You know I can’t but I’ll try to fix whatever it is and come back here as soon as I can, I promise,” Lexa says caressing Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke huffs sadly, “I’m going to miss you”. Lexa’s heart breaks when Clarke nuzzles back into her neck and drops few kisses.

“Look at me!” Lexa asks Clarke who pulls back to meet her eyes. They stare at one another for a moment that felt like eternity before Lexa speaks again, “I’ll try to make it in a week or two and I’ll be right back, ok?” Clarke smiles at her, “I hope so”.

“We’ll facetime every day, we’re going to be just fine,” Lexa tries to comfort Clarke but to no avail.

“But I won’t have this,” Clarke replies kissing Lexa’s skin and Lexa smiles, “neither this” She brushes her fingertips over Lexa’s breast and Lexa bites her lip, “nor this” Lexa’s breath hitches as Clarke moves her hand down to Lexa’s shaft and caress it, “and what I am going to miss the most is those,” Clarke says kissing Lexa’s plump lips and just as Lexa is about to deepen the kiss Clarke pulls back and adds, “and those” Clarke says caressing the contour of Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa smiles at her, “I’m going to miss you too but we gotta be strong, it’s only two weeks”.

“Two weeks is too long,” Clarke comments and Lexa nods, “I know” She smiles at Clarke and adds, “now I need to go to my hotel, pack and try and buy a ticket”.

Clarke whines “No! Not yet. What time is it anyway?”

“It’s four. Go back to sleep and when I finish I come back and maybe if I have time we’ll spend some time together before I leave,” Lexa says caressing Clarke’s hair.

“No, if you leave now I know it is going to be it. You’re going to find a flight that you’ll barely catch and leave,” Clarke replies having hard time letting Lexa leave.

Lexa chuckles, “Ok, I’ll set the alarm in one hour, is that ok?” Clarke shakes her head.

“Three hours and you don’t leave straight away we take lunch together then I’ll go with you to your hotel”.

Lexa grimaces, “Two hours?” She tries to negotiate, Clarke frowns thinking for a moment then says, “Ok but I’m going to take full advantage of this two hours”.

Lexa chuckles happily, “I’m sure you will”. She sets the alarm and goes back to bed knowing what Clarke has in mind.

The first thing Clarke says, “I need you naked” Lexa nods and takes off her clothes as quickly as humanly possible then starts undressing Clarke. Lexa wants to be gentle and soft, she wants to express her love rather than her lust but Clarke is not having it.

Clarke can't get enough of her, she wants more and more. She is tired and sore but she doesn't care. She doesn't want to go back to sleep and waste her time resting, to waste her time eyes closed and not enjoying Lexa's presence she knows she won't have for long. She wants the ache to remind her of Lexa when she is gone.

By the end of the two hours, Lexa’s back is covered with scratches and few hickies and bruises on her neck and her breasts. She could feel her skin aching but she doesn’t care.

When the alarm goes off, Lexa stretches her arm and turns it off and sits on the edge of the bed ready to get out of bed when Clarke wraps her arms around her chest and her legs around her waist dropping soft kisses on her back. She smiles when she feels Clarke’s naked front pressed against her back tightly.

“Clarke! I need-“ Lexa tries to talk but Clarke shushes her. Lexa smiles and relaxes her back in Clarke’s arms. After a few minutes Clarke murmurs in Lexa’s ear “Make love to me, just once again and then you can leave”.

Lexa shifts so she can look into Clarke’s blue eyes then says, “You’re sore, Clarke!” Clarke looks back at her and Lexa’s heart melts “Please!” She doesn’t want to let her go.

Lexa leans in and captures Clarke’s lips in a tender kiss then Clarke scoots back in the bed and Lexa hovers on top of her, propping her body with her arms at the sides of Clarke’s body, she doesn’t want to tire her. Lexa’s kisses and touches are soothing, all she does is licking and kissing tenderly at Clarke’s skin.

Clarke revels at the tickling sensation that Lexa’s hair is leaving on her skin while Lexa is kissing slowly and tenderly her way down to Clarke’s center. When Lexa reaches her mound and laps her tongue at it, Clarke breathes out her name and it makes Lexa’s chest swell with pride.

She can’t get enough of Clarke’s taste so she takes her time there, she doesn’t want to penetrate her as clearly few minutes ago Clarke hissed and told her that she is sore so she settles for making Clarke cum just with her mouth.

Clarke needs Lexa, she needs to look into her green eyes, she needs to feel her close, she wants to feel her breasts against Lexa’s, she wants to feel Lexa in her, all the time. Her weight on top of her and feel Lexa's sweat dropping onto her and drop her own on Lexa. She wants to feel Lexa all around her and she wants to smell her on her skin so she pulls her up for a kiss.

Lexa bucks her hips when she feels Clarke’s hand kneading her cock so gently the Clarke hooks her leg around her waist wanting to feel her. Lexa lets her body weight slowly on top of Clarke and moans when her cock meets Clarke’s center. She starts sliding her shaft between Clarke’s folds each time hitting Clarke’s clit, their lips never parting.

The room is silent except for Clarke’s and Lexa’s panting, and sweet words Lexa is breathing out to reassure Clarke. Being wrapped in Clarke is the most amazing feeling and Lexa wants this moment to last forever.

“I want you inside,” Clarke lets out against Lexa’s lips. Lexa wants to refuse because Clarke is sore but she doesn’t want to deny her. She positions herself and pushes slowly into Clarke’s entrance. Her thrusts are steady and slow she doesn’t want to hurt Clarke.

Clarke wants to squeeze Lexa in further and further and watch her face and keep the memory of Lexa cuming inside her. The delicious sense that Lexa is hers, for now, entirely and completely hers, fills Clarke’s heart and tears well up in her eyes because she is going to miss that. She brings her hands to Lexa’s nipples, down her abs, clamping her legs around her waist, driving her further into her until their sweat-slick bodies are sliding together.

After they come down from the high of their orgasms, Clarke lays on her back and frees Lexa so she can easily get out of bed but Lexa can’t bring herself to leave Clarke even if she has to. So she scoots closer to Clarke and cuddles her and ends up sleeping soundly in her arms.

Clarke is the one to wake her up after an hour and goes with her to her hotel in order to enjoy each moment she can have before Lexa leaves.


	15. Chapter 15

**Woods office building;**

Lexa walks to her office building with no idea what is waiting for her. Instead of going through what she missed during her leave, she calls Anya to fill her in about what really happened when Finn came.

Anya gets in Lexa’s office looking thoughtful, Lexa’s smile falls when she sees that her best friend is not smiling back at her, it already tells her everything she needs to know about Finn’s visit. It is as bad as the expression on her best friend’s face.

Anya walks to her and gives her a friendly hug, “So how was France?”

“Good! How are things here?” She asks back warily.

Anya sits and sighs. “Crazy,” She comments before elaborating, “Work is just fine, nothing major happened. Raven and I slept together, we spent time together and we fought? I don’t know it’s complicated”.

Lexa nods, “Well things are always complicated between you two”.

“I know right!” Anya chuckles lightly.

“Clarke and I are together,” Lexa lets out. She needs to tell someone of her family, someone of her people who might be happy for her because she is happy and somehow she feels a little bit guilty because she is not used to this feeling.

Anya looks at her with wide eyes. It is not like she is surprised, but the way Lexa said it just threw her off for a few seconds.

“I..I don’t know what to say to that,” Anya doesn’t know if she should congratulate her or not because it is not that simple.

“You don’t have to say anything, I just needed to share,” Lexa says making Anya feel guilty at her reaction.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just obvious, otherwise why would you go to France if not to go after Clarke”.

Lexa smiles, “She’s worth it. I know maybe you don’t like her but…I wish you would”.

“Does she make you happy?” Anya asks after a moment of silence.

“She’s my everything,” Lexa says quietly and Anya nods, “I can tell…your look different….smile differently and it looks good on you”.

“Thanks,” Lexa blushes then Anya immediately reminds her why she is here.

“What about Finn? Does he know?”

“I don’t know…he saw me there. He knows I spent few days so it’s pretty obvious, no?”

“Well, I should warn you then,” Anya says, “he came with his lawyer and he was different. Passive aggressive and cold. I mean, nothing like him, our Finn and I think it has to do with you and Clarke”.

Lexa looks thoughtful, is it why he told her that she will see him again but not because he would have forgiven her but for other matters.

“Of course!”

“Did you call your lawyer?” Anya asks.

“No, we won’t need him. He’s my brother and I’m not going to antagonize him further,” Lexa replies.

“That’s all nice and sweet to hear but I’d rather you give your lawyer a phone call. Just in case,” Anya adds.

“I won’t until needed,” Lexa shakes her head hoping that she won’t regret her decision.

“Ok, I guess I’ll get going. He’s waiting for you in the conference room,” Anya informs her.

“What? He’s already here?”

“Yeah! He’s eager I guess,” Anya comments.

“You should come with me,” Lexa says, “a familiar face won’t aggravate him, a lawyer would”.

“Alright, let’s go then,” Anya says.

When they get into the meeting room, Finn and his lawyer are already there. Both women greet them politely. Finn waits a moment for someone else to join them but it seems like not. Anya is staring at him expectantly and Lexa is eyeing his lawyer.

In fact, Lexa is trying to remember where she has seen Finn’s lawyer before. His name isn’t familiar but his face is. Her doubts are even confirmed when she sees that he is avoiding to meet her eyes.

“Where’s your lawyer?” Finn asks coldly interrupting Lexa’s thoughts.

“I don’t need one,” Lexa simply replies.

“Yes, you do,” Finn fires back.

“Well, Anya would be mine,” Lexa says looking at Anya surprising both her and Finn.

“Then, let’s begin,” The lawyer says before he digs into his satchel and takes some documents. He hands Lexa a copy of the documents and keeps the original one with him.

Lexa studies the documents in her hands for a moment before looking at Finn.

“It’s a shareholders agreement,” Anya grabs the documents from Lexa and takes a look at them then looks bewildered at Finn, “What does it mean?”

“My client is only trying to get what is rightfully his and this is just the first step”.

Anya looks at Lexa confused, “Did you know about that? What is he even talking about?” Lexa is silent, she somehow knows it might be a doing of her father Gustus and the envelope he left for Finn.

Lexa tears her eyes away from Finn for a second and looks at Anya ready to explain but then she glares back at Finn, “You can’t possibly come up with this without any attachment”.

The lawyer looks at Finn questioningly seeking for his approval before he digs into his satchel once again and takes another documents and gives it to Lexa who inspects them.

“They are authentic,” She says to Anya then looks at Finn, “I am sure you wouldn’t mind me checking with my board”.

“Of course,” Finn’s lawyer replies confidently but Finn is defensive, “Why? Do you think I’ll come and try to rob you?”

“It has nothing to do with you, Finn. I need to know how I never knew about this,” Lexa replies calmly.

Finn feels stupid for being defensive, “Alright, go ahead, make copies or whatever you need”.

Anya takes the documents and checks them for a moment before leaving.

**********

Raven is kept out while they are in the conference room, she is nervous and angry at Finn for not informing her that he will be coming with his lawyer. It’s rather a bold move, an uncalled one. He could have simply talked to Lexa about it on his own. She is certain that Lexa would have easily accepted it but instead Finn is playing dirty.

Anya comes out of the conference room and her eyes lock with Raven’s for barely a few seconds. She doesn’t say anything her mind is racing and dealing with Raven now is not smart.

Rave doesn’t try her luck either, she knows things might be tense and complicated behind the doors of that conference room. She saw it in the way Anya was sitting guarded and Lexa was stiff.

When she sees that Anya didn’t even spare her another look, she looks back at Finn and curses between her lips, ‘ _For Fuck’s sake what are you doing Finn!_ ’. She can’t tell because Finn looks different, she has seen him like this once and it was after his fight with Gustus and she remembers it well.

Anya feels her heart aching she feels a little bit guilty about her behavior but she can’t help herself feeling angry at Raven. She is a little bit jealous too, Raven was standing outside looking at Finn and she barely looked at her when she walked out. She is jealous because how can Raven still defend Finn while he is acting like that? Why is she worried for him anyway, it’s not like he is the victim here.

Why would she defend him and fight her? Her thoughts ran crazy even if she knows there’s nothing between the two of them anymore, she feels jealous of their past and jealous of what they had and share.

Her heart aches because the look that was in Raven’s eyes is partly because of her, because she is ignoring her. In addition, she knows it is difficult for Raven to be kept apart from the infamous meeting. She knows she would want to fix things between Finn and Lexa but the problem is that Finn’s attention are not so much noble.

**********

As soon as Anya leaves, Lexa sees an opportunity to talk with Finn without an intermediate or a lawyer, without a third party. She looks at Finn’s lawyer and asks him calmly, “Can I have a moment with my…cousin please!” It’s still difficult for her to not slip up the use of the word ‘ _brother’_ when referring to Finn.

Finn is looking at Lexa staring daggers at her. He thinks for a moment, why would Lexa want to talk to him alone? Even if he wants to say no, his curiosity wins and he barely looks at his lawyer and nods his agreement.

“Thank you,” Lexa looks at the lawyer despite knowing that it’s Finn who allowed it.

The second the conference room’s door closes, Lexa looks at Finn straight into his eyes. “What are you trying to do Finn? Why didn’t you come and we can talk just me and you. We’re family”.

“I’m just trying to get back what you took from me, what’s rightfully mine,” Finn replies coldly.

Lexa sighs. “It’s about business not us, Finn,” She says because Finn’s words sound accusatory. She did not take anything from him, she took someone away from him.

“Exactly, then why should I come and talk like family? It’s business related, isn’t it?” Finn’s reply takes Lexa aback, her eyes widen a little bit shocked at what she just heard then he adds, “I was wondering why you kept insisting on me working here! I thought it’s because you care about me”.

“What? Of course I care, Finn! You know I’d no idea what was in the envelope…you really think I wanted to take away from you what’s rightfully yours?” Lexa asks in disbelief.

“That’s stupid. If I wanted that, why would I ask you and beg you to stay and take whichever position you want to take in the company?”

“I don’t know! Maybe you felt guilty and you thought you better give me a job than what’s rightfully mine!” Finn again uses the word ‘ _mine’_ with an undertone and Lexa lets out an exasperated breath.

“It sounds like we’re talking more about Clarke than the company and she’s not yours” Lexa spits out with venom, “neither mine”.

“What were you doing in France then?”

Lexa pinches the bridge of her nose trying to calm her nerves before looking back at him but this time the look in her eyes is no longer the one Finn knows, not even the one she had a few seconds ago full of anger and pain.

It’s a stoic one, much like her father’s.

“I thought we’re done? I’m not your sister anymore so it’s none of your business what I was doing in France,” She replies harshly and Finn remembers Pike’s words.

“This is about business not us Finn, isn’t it?” Lexa adds indifferently.

“Yes, strictly,” Finn manages to pull a serious face as well.

Lexa slams her hands on the table standing up. “Then I should call your lawyer back”. Finn looks at Lexa leaving the conference room and lets out a breath of relief when the door closes behind her.

He was feeling suffocated by her presence and having to talk about Clarke again is still a sore topic for him. He quickly straightens his shoulders when he sees Anya, Lexa and his lawyer coming back.

The tense atmosphere is suddenly back, Anya doesn’t miss the change in Lexa’s appearance and Finn leans to murmur something for his lawyer. Anya gives them back the original papers and hands Lexa a copy.

‘What my client-“ Finn’s lawyer is about to start when Lexa raises her hand interrupting him, “I’m not talking about this without my lawyer. Would you excuse me for a minute! I have a phone call”.

Anya wonders what happened in the few minutes she left for Lexa to change her mind about calling her lawyer and use her serious stern face.

The man seems alarmed he leans and informs him that Lexa’s lawyer is one of the best. Anya smirks feeling amused by the man’s uncertainty and she feels a little bit more confident now that Lexa decided to listen to her head instead of her heart facing Finn who is acting not so friendly.

“I have my plan B, don’t worry!” Finn reassures his lawyer loudly enough for Anya to hear.

“Are you sure you want to go there Finn?” Anya questions to reason him.

“I thought I made it clear, Anya. It has nothing to do with you nor with our relationship. It’s about getting back what’s rightfully mine. Nothing more, nothing less”.

Anya’s eyebrow shoots up, “I doubt that, but be aware that she’s going to ruin you and it’s going to get ugly”.

“She can’t, if she doesn’t give me back what’s mine I’ll just have to take it my way and sell these damn shares to Azgada Corp,” Finn spits out.

His lawyer is about to interject but Anya won’t give him the chance and shuts him up before he says anything. “Shut up, I’m not talking to you! I’m talking to my best friend,” She lets out angrily then looks back at Finn trying to kick some sense in him again.

“Talking to Finn, the one who cares for us, the one who loves his sister, the one who has no one but her the one who-“ Anya’s words die abruptly in her mouth when Lexa walks back in.

Anya glares at Finn then she looks back at Lexa who sits silently on her chair and opens her mac and facetime her lawyer. When Anya sees that Lexa is seriously taking this step of getting her lawyer involved she closes her mac trying to save the situation one last time from getting uglier.

Lexa looks at her ready to ask her _‘what the hell is she doing’_ when Anya blurs out “Azgada…he is threatening to sell his shares to Azgada”.

Finn’s lawyer shifts in his chair. This is not how he was expecting things to go. He didn’t know that Finn would spit his plan B to them.

Finn takes a deep breath, raises his chin and looks at Lexa to see her reaction.

Lexa grits her teeth and tenses for a moment before looking into Finn’s eyes, “Is it true?” Finn nods and Lexa feels like he just stabbed her right in the heart. This is by far the most fucked up thing Finn can do to harm her. Her eyes well up in tears she tries to fight them but that’s more than she can handle.

It is about everything she worked for and dedicated her whole life for. She spent years of training under Gustus. She was deprived from everything of her age just to be where she is today, and now Finn is ruining it. She feels even more hurt than before if it’s even possible, especially because it comes from a dear person to her, ~~her brother~~ , her cousin. Clarke’s love and presence healed her a little bit back in France but Finn just reopened the wound again, deepened it.

Finn’s lawyer notices the unshed tears in Lexa’s eyes, he leans closer to Finn and murmurs something to him with a satisfying look. Anya doesn’t miss it and snaps at him, “I think you should shut up, Sir!”

“You know what? Take it…I’ll give you my fucking shares too if that’s what you want!” Lexa replies looking at Finn angrily surprising everyone. Anya’s eyes widen, she is about to talk but Lexa interrupts her, “I’ve something better, it’s keeping me away from what I want the most anyway”.

Lexa doesn’t see the point in fighting for something that will only tire her, take her energy and time from what she really want and where she aspires to be. If this is what it will cost her to finally be free and live with Clarke, she is ready to give it up.

Lexa’s words hit Finn hard, he knows she is talking about Clarke and now his doubts are confirmed they are together and Lexa is rubbing it on his face. He looks at her again waiting for her to say something else, anything but Lexa is silent so he nods swiftly and says, “So be it! We’ll come back tomorrow with another Shareholders agreement”. He stands and leaves followed by his lawyer.

“What the fuck is going in your mind? Please, tell me that’s just a ploy,” Anya looks at Lexa terrified of her lack of reaction.

Lexa looks at her silently before she walks towards the door ready to leave when Anya stops her.

“Lexa!” she lets out loudly to get her attention.

Lexa looks back at her, “Call our lawyer, email him the documents and schedule a board meeting for this afternoon. Don’t forget your father, Titus might know things about Gustus we don’t,” She says and leaves before Anya can say anything else.

Anya sighs gathering the documents in the conference room and storms to her office to email Lexa’s lawyer and the board for an urgent meeting. Few minutes later, she is startled by Raven’s footsteps coming into her office. She rolls her eyes and even before Raven makes it to the chair, she lets out, “Not now, Raven. I’m busy”.

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me, your choice!”

“Fuck!” Anya breathes out, “I’m really not in the mood Raven whatever you want to talk about, it can wait”.

“No, I can’t just let you ignore me like that without explaining myself or even knowing what is it about,” Raven replies firmly and Anya throws the documents in her hands angrily on her desk and looks at Raven.

“Go ahead, you have five minutes”.

“What happened in there?”

“As if you don’t know!” Anya huffs and Raven frowns. “How the hell am I supposed to know?”

“You said it yourself, Finn tells you everything,” Anya points out.

Raven rubs her forehead trying to keep her calm, “Not anymore. I called him but he’s not answering any of my calls”.

Anya lets out a mocking chuckle, “Well, he’s threatening to sell his shares for Azgada Corp”.

“What?” Raven lets out surprised. “I…no he won’t,” She stutters not knowing what to think nor say about what she just heard.

“Yet this is what he did. I’ve work to do, Raven,” Anya replies taking the documents back in her hands to scan them.

Raven feels a lump in her throat, she feels like it is just a bad joke. How can he possibly do something that stupid? She takes her phone and starts calling him again but when she sees that he is not answering she leaves him a pretty explicit voice message.

**Lexa’s mansion; Bedroom;**

Lexa walks into her bedroom extremely tired, she had an exhausting day between Finn’s meeting and the board’s one adding to her brain working nonstop, she didn’t have a second to herself to answer Clarke’s texts.

In fact, she doesn’t even know how she is going to hide her emotions or the shitty face she has after such a long day. She misses Clarke already but she knows it is going to be even more difficult for her when Clarke’s pretty face appears on her screen.

She takes a shower and just as she is putting her pyjamas on, Clarke’s name appears on her screen. Her lips curve in a half smile as she picks up but then it grows wider once Clarke appears on the screen, she smiles at her without saying anything.

Clarke’s eyes glimmer with joy, “Hey, babe!”

“Hi,” Lexa lets out softly relaxing onto her bed and positioning her mac next to her.

“I miss you already,” Clarke lets out almost pouting.

“Me too,” Lexa’s eyes roam over the screen drinking at the sight of Clarke’s face smiling at her. She needs it to feel better.

“How was your day?”

“Fine! I just had lunch and was waiting to see you,” Clarke replies.

“Yours?”

“Exhausting, work you know,” Lexa replies vaguely.

“Is everything ok at work? Did you settle whatever it was?”

“Not yet but it’s going to be ok,” Lexa lies, she doesn’t want to worry Clarke and she wants to keep her out of the drama.

Clarke feels like there’s something more than that and Lexa is just trying to hide it but she is failing. Seeing that she is tired, Clarke decides to let it go for today instead of pressuring Lexa to tell her the truth.

“Alright! I hope it will get better soon,” Clarke says before walking out from the screen.

“Clarke?” Lexa calls out when she hears her talking from a distance, “I’ll be right back, I’ve something to show you”.

Barely a minute later, Clarke reappears again in Lexa’s screen holding a raccoon stuffed animal.

“Look what I found this morning”. Lexa smiles narrowing her eyes, “Is it a raccoon?”

Clarke chuckles happily, “Yes, doesn’t it remind you someone?”

Lexa shakes her head, “No one I can think of!”

“Come on, Lexa. Just try to guess...look how cute it is,” Clarke says in a thrilled voice.

Lexa can’t help the smile in her face, “I…I don’t know!”

“Youuuu,” Clarke lets out in an adorable tone, “I don’t know why it reminds me of you so instead of you, he’ll be sleeping with me tonight”. Clarke grins deviously trying to make Lexa jealous but fails as Lexa zoned out.

She is thoughtful, she doesn’t know what’s the right thing and decision to take. Somehow she needs to ask Clarke something unexpected.

“Clarke! Do you love me?” The question lingers for a few seconds before it hits Clarke leaving a worried expression on her face. It takes her by surprise, she wasn’t expecting their first facetime after Lexa’s departure to take this turn so abruptly.

Lexa blurts her question out of worry. She wants to know if it is worth it to leave everything just to be with Clarke. She wants to be sure that Clarke loves her for herself and not what she has. Deep down she knows Clarke’s love is pure and sincere but she can’t help feeling insecure after what happened today.

Clarke’s heart skips a beat. “Lexa, what’s wrong?” She asks afraid that something might have happened that made Lexa question her love for her. It has been barely three days since she left, how can things change so fast?

“Do you love me?” Lexa asks again needing to hear Clarke’s confirmation more than anything.

Clarke’s eyes start to well up in tears. “I do, I love you...I’m in love with you,” Clarke stutters urgently.

Lexa’s heart warms after hearing Clarke’s voice. “I miss you,” She barely whispers a ghost of a smile on her lips. She wants to tell her ‘ _I shouldn’t have left_ ’ but refrains.

Clarke unconscientiously places her hand on the screen and lets out in a pleading voice, “Lexa! Talk to me!” She forces a smile on her face and Lexa mirrors it.

“I love you too”.

Clarke is not satisfied, she knows something is wrong, she can feel it and her heart aches at the thought of something happening to Lexa while she is in France helpless. Her heart cracks at the thought of Lexa questioning and needing a confirmation from her about something she should never question, their love.

The silence that settled between them feels suffocating. Clarke wants to ask Lexa but she doesn’t want to pressure her, she doesn’t even want to try because she knows Lexa might close off again and it will only hurt her worse because she is not with her she can’t comfort her, she can’t do anything from where she is.

Lexa finally breaks the heavy silence, “I gotta sleep now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ok?”

Clarke nods, “Ok, good night” just as she is about to speak again the call ends and her ‘ _I love you’_ dies against her lips.

Lexa spends a restless night, she can’t help her thoughts running wild looking for a solution for her and Clarke. She regrets not taking enough time appreciating Clarke’s chest. She regrets not taking enough time to hear Clarke’s heartbeat and feel it against her skin.

In her bed, all she keeps thinking about is her Clarke. Her girlfriend who loves her as much as she does. She thinks about how much she misses feeling her body heat. She doubts she can sleep without it. Now that she is thinking about it, she never slept as easily as she did in Clarke’s arms.

Her heart screams for her, tells her to do something about their situation and leave everything just to be there while her head keeps on interjecting questioning the crazy thoughts.

She sighs and flips in her bed trying to escape the dreamy ship and sleep so she can wake up tomorrow and face whatever is waiting for her but she can’t. She remembers Clarke’s birthday and freaks out about not being able to make it if this problem with Finn won’t be solved. She knows it won’t be possible to solve it soon enough.

She feels her head about to explode, how difficult is it to fall asleep without Clarke? How difficult and challenging for her to be separated from Clarke once again after finally being reunited with her? She knew it is not going to be easy but now words can’t possibly express it.

She regrets not having something that might remind her of Clarke or at least smell like Clarke, maybe it would help her to get to sleep she thinks. Her thoughts run wild again picturing herself and Clarke living together. It’s not in France and not here in her mansion. The place she has in mind doesn’t have their shared memories nor the good ones nor the bed ones.

It’s much more like a book with white pages ready to be filled with their new life. The place is much smaller than her mansion and it looks much more like them. Like her and Clarke, a place of their own. She could literally feel the warmth wrapping her heart at the thought of a place they both can call home.

Lexa stirs uncomfortably again in her bed and extends her hand but it hits the cold side of the bed. She feels her heart clenching, she left Clarke’s love and warmth and came to this inert and cold bed. She regrets not taking one of Clarke’s shirt to keep her warm enough.

She is stuck in a sweet dream, she can’t help herself imagining how it would look ‘ _A small place, we won’t need much space a two bedroom house? It will do. No, wait! I want Clarke to have her own space so she can paint and teach our kids…kids?’_ Lexa smiles stupidly to herself in the dark then takes another pillow and holds it against her chest ‘ _Kids! I think Clarke wants them otherwise why would she risk having me cum in her? She must be at least open to the idea’_ Lexa spends most of the night like that until she dozes off.

**Raven’s apartment;**

Finn leaves the Wood’s office building confused and shocked about Lexa’s behavior. He never saw her like that not even with strangers. Pike’s words keep on coming back to his mind thinking that even if he was rather overboard with his propositions, he wasn’t far from the truth, Lexa is ruthless when she wants to be.

She is also unpredictable. Her last suggestion about giving him everything just to be with Clarke, rubbed him the wrong way but still he knows he is the one who provoked her.

He takes his phone and checks his missed calls and listens to Raven’s message and regrets for not answering her calls. He calls her and she asks him to come to her place so they can talk. He goes there despite knowing that he’s not going to like what she has to say.

The minute he steps into Raven’s apartment, she starts arguing with him. He kept silent for a moment because he didn’t want to fight her but then he couldn’t just keep listening to her.

“Why the hell do you even care? I thought you wanted me to be there too?” Finn lets out angrily.

Raven freezes a moment trying to let his words sink in her brain and make sense then she looks at him in disbelief, “Are you even listening to yourself? Fuck! You really are acting like a douchebag”.

“You’re going to fuck up any hope of reconciliation left between you and your sister,” Raven says.

“SHE did that,” Finn points out stubbornly.

“This is about Clarke, isn’t it?” She asks rhetorically and Finn denies, “No”.

“If it’s not, then what is it about? I mean not only you bring a fucking lawyer, you dare and think about selling Azgada the shares!”

Finn averts his eyes feeling guiltily, he knows it is low blow to even think about destabilizing the company even further in such hard times but he couldn’t control his anger and use it.

“How the fuck do you even know Azgada?” Raven spits out angrily.

“My lawyer suggested them, apparently they can offer a lot more than the others,” Finn replies.

“So it’s about the money,” Raven states and before she can say anything else Finn interrupts her, “Of course, it’s about the money. She left me there risking my life while she could have given me the fucking envelope much sooner. I could have died there, Raven!”

“She didn’t know for fuck’s sake,” Raven defends.

“Yeah, right…just like Gustus didn’t know about it. Like father like daughter”.

“Don’t you dare compare her to Gustus,” Raven lets out in a threatening tone.

“She fucking paid you a big wedding so you can marry Clarke, **_the love of her life_** don’t you realize how much difficult is it? How self-sacrificing she is for your happiness? Don’t you realize how much you mean to her? She loves you more than she loves herself, she’s selfless and yes she lied and it was stupid but you’re even worse”.

Finn is looking at his best friend guiltily, her words are true but he can’t help feeling resentful, “Well she’s not anymore”.

“Of fucking course, Finn. You made sure of that with your behavior, a lawyer? Threatening to sell the shares to Azgada?”

Finn looks away again feeling ashamed of what he has done and how he is feeling but he can’t find it in himself to forgive her, not yet.

“What would have you done if the position was reversed? Would you have buried your own heart just to see her happy with the love of your life?”

Finn is left speechless, he never thought about it.

Seeing the lack of reaction from him, Raven stands up and extends her hand gesturing for him to leave, “You’re not the person I thought you were, leave and don’t look back until you fix it”.

Finn opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out, he doesn’t know what to say to that. In addition, Raven left to her room clearly she is not receptive now and whatever he can say won’t be enough.

He leaves without looking back just like she asked him, they have fought before but she never looked so disappointed and asked him to leave. He knew she was not ok with what he did when coming to her apartment but he wasn’t expecting to leave it like that, feeling worse about himself than he already was.

**France; Griffin’s household;**

Clarke is pacing around her living room worrying about Lexa. She doesn’t know what’s on her mind, she doesn’t even know what is troubling her. She doesn’t have anyone that can tell her what’s going on with Lexa. Her mother is not home so she can’t be of any help.

She tries to think about someone that may let her know what’s really going there back in the USA with Lexa and her company because clearly it is something that is really troubling Lexa and even making her doubt her love for her.

She is clueless, she doesn’t know what Lexa is going through and she wants to help her. She doesn’t want her to question them and what they have and risk it. Clarke feels frustrated because she can’t call Raven or Anya just to ask them worried girlfriend questions after what happened. She even considers calling Finn but refrains because she knows he might be the reason why Lexa is in this mood.

She wants to call Octavia who may try and ask Raven about Lexa but she knows Raven might not know, after all Lexa is not so much expressive. The only solution that she has left is to talk to Costia but this is something her heart cannot agree with. She is jealous but she knows that Costia knows Lexa as well and she might be helpful.

She hesitates for a long moment on how to approach Costia and whether to do it or not but when she remembers the way Lexa cares for her, she doesn’t hesitate. Costia might know a way to make Lexa talk and she is going to use that.

She runs to her room and get dressed before heading to the restaurant where Costia is working. She doesn’t bother calling or texting her, she just wants to see her and if she can’t really give her few minutes she would ask to see her later but she needs to try.

When Costia is told that someone is asking to see her she thinks it is Lexa she walks out of the restaurant’s kitchens with a bright smile. Clarke doesn’t miss it the way Costia’s smile disappears as quickly as it shaped her lips.

It’s not like Costia is not happy to see her but let’s just say that she would have preferred to find Lexa instead.

“Hi, what a surprise!” Costia says smiling awkwardly at Clarke, not knowing how to act since the last time they were having dinner Clarke clearly was jealous and left in a hurry.

“Hi, Costia!” Clarke greets her back. “Sorry for coming unannounced but I really needed to see you. I hope you don’t mind”.

Costia takes a seat with Clarke. “It’s ok, it’s not busy yet,” She shrugs and looks warily at Clarke expecting her to tell her something like ‘ _Don’t you dare mess with my girl’_ even if she knows they are not teenagers but Clarke really was jealous for nothing.

“That’s awkward I know and I should have talked to you long ago before…everything became a mess. I am sorry!” Clarke says blushingly, last time she saw her she didn’t want to bring it up and ruin the moment for the two best friend’s reunion.

“It’s fine, Clarke!” Costia replies reassuringly.

“No, it’s not. I really need to apologize for last time too. I was jealous!” Clarke blurts out.

Costia is taken aback by Clarke’s honesty, she wasn’t expecting it. “Oh! Ok!” She smiles at her then adds, “You shouldn’t feel that way, Lexa is crazy about you. You know she never loved me, not the way she loves you at least. She always had you in mind and when you came back in our lives she was not herself anymore….I mean not the Lexa I knew”.

Clarke feels guilty at Costia’s words and at the same time she feels her heart warm to know that Lexa never loved someone else. Just like her, she never felt something as strong as what she ever felt and feels now for her.

“She’s happier and that’s because you are back in her life I just hope that you won’t hurt her again because I’ll kick your ass,” Costia lets out a chuckle and Clarke’s heart cracks, “I’ll never do that”. She shakes her head, “I love her!”

“I know,” Costia lets out softly and Clarke reaches for her hand and squeezes it.

“Thank you for being there for her when she needed it,” Clarke gulps her pride and jealousy and adds, “Thank you for being there for her when I wasn’t”.

Costia smiles at her then says, “You don’t need to thank me. I love her, I do”.

Clarke smiles back at Costia but before she comments, Costia adds “I’m not a threat. I know she loves you”.

Clarke blushes, “It’s getting even more awkward”. She shifts in her chair then speaks again, “She cares about you and it was stupid of me to get jealous but I couldn’t help myself. You’re the one who patched up the wounds I inflicted her…it’s not easy for me and now I feel like I missed a lot…she’s my Lexa but she’s still…guarded”.

“Lexa has always been like that as long as I knew her”.

“I know but not with me and now that she left, I feel like she needs me but she won’t talk to me and I hoped somehow you have an answer,” Clarke rubs her forehead feeling embarrassed.

“I came here hoping you can help me”.

Costia looks at her bewildered, “I don’t understand! How can I be of any help?”

“I was hoping you might know what’s happening back there,” Clarke replies.

“Clarke, I’ve no idea! I’ve been busy since I got here and I’m not really in touch with my friends, her included so-” Costia says before being interrupted by her boss’ voice calling her out.

Clarke looks at the man and her eyes widen, “Jaha!” She mumbles between her lips and Costia looks back at her, “You know him?”

“Yeah! He’s my best friend’s father,” Clarke replies standing up waving at him.

Jaha ends up joining them and chatting a little bit before giving Clarke, Well’s whereabouts and number saying that he would be thrilled to see her again. Clarke bid them good bye and leaves feeling a little bit better after talking to Costia even if she still has no idea about what Lexa is going through.

**The next day; Lexa’s mansion;**

Lexa wakes up to her alarm, something unusual as she is used to wake up before it starts off. The first thing she notices is the coldness of her bed, there is no Clarke next to her to keep her heart warm and she can’t find Clarke’s blue eyes to comfort her and give her the strength to face her day. She takes her phone and sends Clarke a message feeling bad at the way their first facetime turned out.

Despite being a little bit late than usual, she takes the time and goes for a run. She needs to blow off some steam before dealing with Finn and a hard decision that she might need to take.

Once she is back from her routine run and after showering, Lexa takes her phone and leaves Abby a message telling her that she needs to talk to her and barely five minutes later as she starts getting ready to leave, her phone chimes displaying Abby’s name.

Lexa smiles, happy that Abby is still awake and she is calling her. She picks up and notices that Abby is still in the hospital wearing her scrubs whereas it must be around midnight at her end.

“Hey! I’m sorry if you’re busy we can talk tomorrow…I mean when you go back home and get some sleep,” Lexa says.

“It’s okay, Lexa! How are you?” Abby asks.

“Fine. What about you and Clarke?” Lexa asks shyly, Abby smiles at her then replies, “We’re good” She nods reassuringly “Is everything ok?” She adds and Lexa feels instantly grateful for having Abby again in her life.

“I want to talk to you about something that’s preoccupying me and I was hoping you can give me your opinion on it and well….I might even need your help to do it,” Lexa stutters.

“Alright, I’m listening!” Abby replies.

Lexa takes a deep breath before saying, “I want to buy a house…in Paris!”

“Oh wow! For holidays you mean?” Abby asks surprised.

“No,” Lexa quickly replies. “I want to settle there! I don’t have much here….Clarke is my home,” She adds blushing.

“That’s kind of rushed, don’t you think?”

“Not at all,” Lexa says, “I’ve been…” Lexa closes her eyes finding it difficult to tell Abby that she’s been in love with her daughter and have been dreaming about having a home and being a family with her for so long.

“Lexa?” Abby calls out for her attention, trying to understand.

“Sorry,” Lexa clears her throat before continuing, “I’ve been thinking about it for long and I think it’s the only way we can be together”.

Abby can’t help the giggle escaping her lips, “Lexa! You’ve been with her barely for two weeks. It’s too soon to settle and buy a house in another country”.

“I know but she’s always been my home,” She blurs out then when Abby smiles at her she realizes what she just said.

“Lexa!” Abby lets out seriously, “as a mother I would love to know that my daughter is happy and if you decide to do it, think about it first”.

“I did,” Lexa says but Abby shushes her.

“No, you didn’t,” She says looking at her pager which was beeping then back at her screen and adds, “Don’t do something she refused to do for you because you might regret it one day”.

“I won’t, it’s different for me and Clarke. I might need you to help me with it though,” Lexa replies.

“I will, of course. But not until you tell me what made you take this decision and why now? Why not when you were here?” Abby asks.

“I…I just,” Lexa stutters then shuts her eyes closed to collect herself before continuing, “I’ve nothing left here, Abby. Finn is going crazy. He’s trying to make me pay for what happened and if I keep fighting him, it’s just going to get uglier and it will keep me away from Clarke and I don’t want that,” Lexa shakes her head, “I want to be happy. She makes me happy”.

Abby frowns, “What happened? What did he do?”

Lexa huffs, “It’s complicated. He’s trying to ruin my company and it doesn’t worth it”.

“What?” Abby lets out shocked, “So instead of fighting for your hard work and company you choose to run away?”

“No, it’s not like that-“

“Lexa! That’s what it is, you’re running away because it is getting hard,” Abby interrupts her and Lexa feels a little bit frazzled as Abby’s words hit home.

“What will you do when you wake up one day realizing that you didn’t do enough? That you chose to come and live with Clarke instead of fighting for it. Won’t you regret it? Think about it Lexa, you might even blame her for that,” Abby says adding, “Don’t give up too soon and use Clarke as an excuse, spare your love this mess. Both of you deserve better, you deserve to be happy”.

Lexa nods, “Thank you, Abby!”

“Alright! Before you go, promise me something,” Abby says.

“What?”

“Don’t do anything stupid without consulting me, ok?” Abby says in a motherly tone.

Lexa nods, “I won’t but please can you start looking for something nice. Clarke’s birthday is soon and I want it to be part of the surprise”.

“You mean a house?” Abby’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Yeah!” Lexa rubs the back of her neck, “but I won’t leave before fixing things here. It will just be our place”.

“Well! I’ll see if I can find something interesting,” Abby says “email me your budget”.

“Doesn’t matter,” Lexa quickly replies, “I just want a place big enough so she can have her own art studio to paint”.

“Ok, how big? I mean except for an art studio. How many rooms? Two?” Abby asks and Lexa remembers her last night thoughts. Maybe asking Abby to find her a place is not a good idea. How is she going to tell her girlfriend’s mom that she wants a big house enough for a big family?

“I….I shouldn’t keep you longer, Abby. I’ll think about the details and email them later,” She says and Abby agrees, “Ok, take care and keep me updated on the situation”.

“I will,” Lexa replies before Abby ends up the call.

**********

Finn steps into Lexa’s mansion with his heart beating hard against his chest. He spent a restless night, Raven’s last words kept him thinking and he realized that he overreacted. Even if all he can feel now is pain, resentment and betrayal, he realized his mistake. Raven was right, she opened his eyes with just two questions.

Deep down, he doesn’t think that he could have done what Lexa did for him and Clarke. He would have told her the truth, he would have told his sister that he loves Clarke that she is the love of his life hoping that she might spare him the heartache to see the woman he loves marrying his own sister. He can slightly relate as he knows Clarke and Lexa are now together and just thinking about it makes his heart ache.

Just as he steps in, he feels unwelcomed as Titus looks at him seriously not that he is used to him smiling but he could feel that there is something different about him.

“Good morning, Titus! Did Alex leave yet?”

“Your meeting should be in the Woods’ office building, not here,” Titus replies coldly.

Finn nods knowingly, he cannot blame Titus because he acted like they are strangers and he started it.

“It’s not about the meeting. I need to talk to her”.

“I don’t think Miss Woods would like to see you after what you have done. I don’t want you to talk to her,” Titus says firmly.

“Titus, I know I…I really need to talk to her,” Finn says taking few steps further into the mansion before Titus grabs his arm to stop him.

“You should talk to me before I let you in,” Titus lets out and Finn sighs, “Alright!”

Titus takes Finn back to the gardens where they can talk without causing a scene. Finn tells him what he found in the envelope and argues that Lexa might have known and just wanted to keep him in the dark on purpose just like her father Gustus did.

Titus defended Gustus saying that if he gave him the envelope, Finn would have ruined all his hard work as he was young and stupid, he even arguments his impulsive decision to join the army and go to war in the Middle East. Finn feels a little bit offended but knows that it is true after all it is what he did, he acted impulsively and risked his life.

“One last thing, Finn. If you think that he’s your enemy then you let him win by acting like that. Your way of thinking is what separated you and Lexa, not Gustus!”

Finn looks at Titus for a moment then nods knowingly, Lexa might have lied and betrayed his trust but he is the one who messed it up by taking unnecessary measures to get his shares hiring a lawyer and treating her like a stranger.

“Now, you can go and see her,” Titus says gesturing for Finn to leave.

“It was nice talking to you, Titus!” Finn smiles politely at the old man before going back to the mansion. He finds Lexa about to leave when he calls her out, she looks back at him in disbelief.

“Finn!” She lets out confused, “what are you doing here?”

“Hey Alex! I just wanna talk to you before you leave, if that’s ok?” He replies warily.

Lexa looks at him for a minute then says, “Shouldn’t your lawyer be part of this?”

“No, it’s just you and me,” Finn replies hopeful.

Lexa eyes him from head to toe then lets out, “Meet you in the office with my lawyer,” before walking to her car.

“Alex! Stop! Listen to me,” Finn pleads. Lexa looks back at him furious, “Why would I do that?” Finn’s lips part but nothing comes out.

Lexa turns back and continues walking to her car when she hears Finn’s footsteps rushing behind her then feels his firm hand wrapping around her arm to stop her. She looks at him fire in her eyes and brushes his hand away from her.

Finn feels his heart ache at the gesture but he doesn’t linger he quickly recovers and forces the words to come out of his mouth, “I’m sorry, Alex. I am sorry for what I’ve done yesterday. I shouldn’t have. Not that way,” He shakes his head.

Lexa’s eyes roam over his face trying to decipher the look in his eyes. She doesn’t want to be fooled again, she can’t just forgive him and act like nothing happened. She takes her keys and opens her car but Finn doesn’t let her close the door.

“Alex please! Say something!” Finn tries again but Lexa won’t even look at him.

“Please, get out of the car and give me five minutes, then you can leave”.

Lexa thinks a moment before looking at him. “You have five minutes,” She says sternly without getting out of the car.

“I won’t sell the shares to Azgada, I didn’t know about them until Raven told me…I was clueless…I’ll …I won’t come with my lawyer today it was a mistake,” Finn doesn’t know how to sum up everything he wants to say in five minutes and especially not while Lexa is staring daggers at him.

He looks at her expectantly waiting for her to say something, anything but Lexa is silent.

“Can we maybe talk about it another day, just you and me?” Finn adds but Lexa takes some time to reply so he tries again, “I’m sorry for what happened to us…I don’t know what took me! I’m hurt and I can’t help feeling…like this! I don’t know how to explain it without feeling more upset or say something stupid”.

Lexa studies Finn’s face, all she sees is pain and all she can hear is honesty in his voice. She wants to say something but she can’t because she is hurt too and he went way too far with his behavior.

“Alex! Say something,” Finn lets out feeling lost, he doesn’t know what he can say or do to make her forgive him or make her talk.

“I don’t know if I can trust you anymore,” Lexa says tiredly and Finn nods comprehensibly as this is how he feels too.

“I get it! I don’t know how to trust you either,” He shakes his head, “But now I know that I’ve been wrong about you and I hope you’ll consider talking to me again…without our lawyers”.

Lexa doesn’t reply again she finds herself speechless, it is conflicting the way she feels. She wants to trust him to talk to him, she really wants this vicious circle of pain to end and get in good terms with Finn, her brother but she doesn’t want to get hurt and rejected again. Each time she tried to talk to him, he spit venom at her instead of listening to her.

“I don’t know,” Lexa shakes her head. “Meet you in the office,” Lexa adds before driving away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Lexa’s mansion; bedroom;**

They say time heals all wounds, and out of everyone Lexa should know that but **no**. All she knows is that even time can’t heal the wounds.

It has been almost two weeks since she had the surprise visit from Finn. A part of her was happy to see him but she knew better than to trust him and their familiarity again. She is well aware, everything that kept them together was torn and long lost. She tried to salvage it several times but Finn wasn’t receptive and after their infamous meeting Lexa came to term with it.

That morning, Lexa didn’t judge necessary to let her lawyer nor Anya know about Finn’s visit at her mansion as her answer was clear and concise, ‘ _See you at the office_ ’ **The office** meant official meeting, it also meant lawyers and a third party and it was not what Finn was asking from her.

She shouldn’t have been surprised when neither Finn nor his lawyer showed up that day but she thought and somehow deep inside she was hoping that he will come and try to talk her out of using lawyers just as he did few hours prior that day but he didn’t.

Lexa tried to ignore the bitter taste of disappointment that day after receiving a phone call from Finn’s lawyer who didn’t help much in enlightening them on Finn’s decision concerning their **issue**. An issue that Lexa was not going to ignore on the contrary all she did in the past two weeks is work for not only one but a few shareholders agreement’s drafts and other solutions.

The first “ _solution_ ” her board suggested is to buy Finn’s shares if ever he would be willing to sell the shares to ~~them,~~ **her** because the unfortunate events leading to this situation are quite personal. And even if not all the board members know about what exactly happened they know that Lexa is using **for the first time** her professional identity with her _brother_ which is rather disturbing to witness and pretty self-explanatory.

When she rejected their “ _first solution_ ” - for good reason, she wasn’t going to ‘ _take, buy’_ Finn ‘ _his_ ’ shares and act exactly like his paranoid thoughts expected her to do ‘ _to take from him ’_ \- the board tried again to talk her into another alternative for the same idea by using someone who would approach Finn with an offer, which means he would buy the shares on her behalf.

A bold move, desperate times call for desperate measures. Lexa is aware but she was not even going to consider it for a second. There is so much to lose. Not only it would cost them a bigger amount of money that Lexa can’t afford losing now, there is also the fact that it would put the company in a higher risk by exposing it to someone that might be bought again by Azgada or just require an exorbitant amount in exchange for his loyalty and the most important reason Lexa refuses this idea is Finn’s inability - caused by his pain - to distinguish between what **is** _his_ and what **is not**.

She doesn’t want Finn to think that she is trying to take - _in other terms buy_ \- what is ‘ _rightfully his’_ just like he accused her. She doesn’t want to let her pain and anger urge her further into extreme measures too so it is nothing Lexa would even think about. All she wants is to find a middle ground, a fair negotiation for both parts without perturbing the company’s already and lately fragile pillars.

Lexa’s days at work are spent merely discussing this matter even when Anya would come in her office and try to drag her away for lunch, she would find a way to talk about it. She doesn’t have much time to relax or think about something else except for maybe Abby and their joined efforts in finding the right ‘ _home_ ’ for her and Clarke for when everything will be settled with Finn.

In fact, Lexa has been regularly in touch with Abby even at unexpected hours and even more than she is with Clarke. Not that she doesn’t miss her, it is just hard for Lexa to see Clarke on a screen without being able to touch her to kiss her and to tell her what is happening (or not happening) with her “ _brother_ ” cousin. Lexa did her best to avoid talking about work with Clarke because she knows Clarke would freak out and might even call Finn which will only make things worse. Lexa’s intention is to spare Clarke the delicate position to be in between, a position she knows is not easy to take as it already affected enough friendships in their circle.

Nonetheless, whenever her phone or mac display Clarke’s name Lexa can’t control her beating heart nor her goofy smile, it is like a ridiculous Pavlovian response which unfortunately extends to the moment Clarke has to end the call and results in a unpleasant feeling in Lexa’s heart.

Accordingly to their new found ‘ _acclimated_ ’ habit, Clarke would text Lexa anytime of the day to see if they can facetime whereas Lexa would call her each time she can’t sleep or just after waking up to have her morning dose of Clarke, or the virtual available one to help her starting her day.

_Video call…_

_“Mon amour!_ ” (My love!) Lexa lets out softly as Clarke’s face appears on her screen. She loves using French with Clarke for two reasons.

The first one, she feels undeniably closer to Clarke when using it, reminiscing the old times they were best friends and oblivious lovers – _the happiest moments of her childhood_ – needless to mention that out of all the Romance languages, French is the most **“romantic”** one.

The second one, few people of her entourage understand it, which gives her some level of privacy whenever she is in her office or interrupted by Titus or anyone in her mansion.

Clarke smiles at the tender appellation and reciprocates with another one making Lexa’s heart melt.

“ _Tu vas bien?_ ” (Are you ok?) Lexa worries seeing the dark circles and disheveled hair of her girlfriend, she just woke up too whereas it is almost noon at her end.

“ _Oui, juste une gueule de bois après une longue soirée au bar,_ " (Yes, just a hangover after a long night at the bar,) Clarke explains wincing.

“ _Oh! T’es allée au bar?"_ (Oh! You went to the bar?) Lexa asks surprised.

“ _Oui, Wells est rentré et a insisté qu'on rattrape le temps perdu,_ " (Yes, Wells is back and insisted to catch up,) Clarke says and Lexa feels a jealous pang in her heart.

Lexa forces a fake smile feeling a little embarrassed to ask, “ _Devrais-je m'inquiéter?_ ” (Should I worry?)

Clarke chuckles, “ _Non, on est amis et puis je n'ai d'yeux que pour toi_ ” (No, we’re friends and I only have eyes for you).

" _Je t’aime,_ ” (I love you,) Lexa says warmly.

“ _Et comment va mon petit cœur?_ ” (And how is my sweetheart?)

" _Tu lui manque terriblement,_ " (She misses you terribly,) Lexa replies feeling her heart tightening.

“ _Et le boulot?_ ” (And work?) Clarke tries her luck.

“ _Rien d'inhabituelle, la même routine,_ ” (Nothing unusual, same old routine,) Lexa lies because she can’t have Clarke worry about her problems.

Clarke sighs feeling a little bit hurt and tired of being shut off especially because, “ _Finn m'a appelé hier_ ” (Finn called me yesterday).

“ _Pour?_ ” (For?)

“ _Pour me parler de toi, de vous deux,_ ” (To tell me about you, you two,) Clarke says with a disappointed voice.

Lexa shifts in her bed uncomfortably not knowing what to say, she wants to ask Clarke the details but she can’t, not when she tells her nothing herself.

“ _Qu’es ce qui se passe exactement? Pourquoi tu refuses de lui parler?_ ” (What’s happening exactly? Why don’t you talk to him?) Clarke asks.

“ _Clarke-_ “ Lexa is about to talk when the blonde interrupts her, “ _Lexa!_ _Tu es mon amour et on est ensemble! Ensemble veux dire que ce qui te touche de près ou de loin me concerne aussi. J’ai l’impression que tu me…_ _c'est difficile de voir la personne qu'on aime triste mais ne pas savoir pourquoi ni pouvoir faire quelque chose !_ _C’est frustrant_ "

(Lexa! You are my love and we are together! Together, means what affects you from near or far concerns me as well. I feel like…you ... it's hard to see the person you love sad but not know why nor being able to do something! It's frustrating)

Lexa feels guilty and hardly manages to reply, “ _Je suis désolé._ _Je ne voulais pas t'inquiéter_ " (I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to worry).

Clarke huffs "That’s not how it feels Lexa! It feels like you’re shutting me down and I don’t understand why?”

“I’m not shutting you down, I’d never do that. I’m sorry if it feels like that but I just didn’t want you to be in the middle of this drama,” Lexa tries to explain.

“we went through a lot and it’s already hard enough the way it is, not being with you, missing you and…I wasn’t going to add to it, Clarke! I promised your father and Abby too, that I would protect you and make you happy…and all I’m doing is-“ Lexa lets out a shaky breath, “I told you it’s not going to be easy, I wasn’t talking about the long distance relationship. This is the last of our worries, what I meant is balancing family, friends and our relationship”.

“You mean Finn,” Clarke concludes and Lexa nods, “Yeah, and what’s happening between me and Finn shouldn’t affect our relationship, we don’t need drama we already are having hard time living across continents”.

Clarke understands Lexa’s intentions but she can’t agree, “Lexa, nothing can affect our love neither Finn nor anyone else. I love you and I want you to share with me everything, even what’s troubling you”.

“I don’t know what to say!” Lexa lets out defeated.

“I’m sorry…I miss you. We barely talk and it’s not enough. So when we do, I don’t want to waste our precious time talking about him”.

Clarke’s lips twitch in a smile, “I get it, I do. But this is what it means to be in a relationship, Lexa. We share everything”.

They fall into a comfortable silence, Lexa just looks at Clarke going through her morning routine or in this case a ‘late hangover’ morning routine then when she finishes she sits back in front of her screen and breaks the silence, “Tell me what’s happening? I want to know”.

Lexa smiles at her girlfriend then says, “I think you know by now that the envelope he has, contains shares of Woods’ company that his mom owned”. Clarke acquiesces and Lexa continues, “long story short, he threatened to sell them to our long time competitor Azgada, in other words our enemy, and then when things got serious and I called my lawyer he backed up and asked to talk to me without our lawyers”.

“And you don’t want to,” Clarke finishes for her.

“Yes,” Lexa says firmly.

“Why not?” Clarke asks.

Lexa sighs, “Because I don’t trust him anymore”.

Clarke nods in understanding. “Ok, but don’t you think that maybe it is time to bury the hatchet?”

Lexa is silent, she doesn’t want to talk about why she refuses ‘ _to bury the hatchet_ ’ because it will only bring the pain up to the surface.

“I don’t know,” She trails off.

“He really regrets it,” Clarke lets out and Lexa feels a little bit jealous that Clarke is trying to defend him.

“Clarke, please don’t!” Lexa shakes her head before adding, “Don’t do this. I know you mean well but nothing you may say can change my mind. This is mainly why I didn’t want you to know, I knew you’d try…”

“Hey, hey Lexa! Babe! I’m not trying anything, I just want to see you happy and I’m sure I can change your mind if I’m there!” Clarke replies and Lexa chuckles, “Oh really?”

“Of course,” Clarke assures her.

“How?” Lexa asks with a smirk.

“I have my ways,” Clarke replies confidently and Lexa’s eyes widen, “I’d like a demonstration”.

“You know where to find me,” Clarke teases her and Lexa bites her lips missing Clarke even more. She doesn’t know how she is going wait longer until Clarke’s birthday.

Lexa lets out a sighs when her alarm goes off, “I need to get ready”.

**Later that day; Anya’s apartment;**

Since Finn’s visit with his lawyer and their reunion, Anya didn’t have the chance to really talk with Raven. They would cross each other’s paths or sit across one another in short meetings but they barely exchange glances or words except for polite greetings.

Well, Anya mostly avoided Raven because she had a lot in her mind already and fortunately the brunette didn’t really try to reach for her either, knowing that the best thing to do is not talk with Anya when she is in this mood.

However, the situation seemed to last longer than expected and it has been two weeks without seeing each other, being around one another and Raven was missing Anya. She misses everything about her and what comes with her even their little fights.

So, instead of waiting another two weeks Raven decides to show up at Anya’s doorway with pizza and beer. Anya opens the door and her lips twitch in a weak smile when she sees it’s Raven, she pushes the door wider and gestures for her to get in.

Raven walks to the living-room and puts the pizza and beers on the coffee table before looking back at Anya meaning to greet her properly. She walks closer to her and pecks her lips softly not lingering because she knows things are a little bit shaky.

“Hi,” Raven lets out before sitting on the couch, “I brought pizza and beer so there’s no way you can say no, right?”

Anya chuckles. “Not when pizza is involved,” She agrees.

“See! I know my woman,” Raven jokes before opening the pizza and shoving it under Anya’s nose who happily takes a slice.

After a few slices of pizza and a silence that felt longer than it lasted in reality, Raven looks at Anya and says, “I missed you”.

“Did you miss your best friend or your girlfriend?” Anya asks harshly than intended. Her reaction is totally unexpected and her question made Raven lose her train of thoughts.

Raven doesn’t know what to say because she doesn’t know what the right answer is and feels like whatever she might say, it is going to be the wrong answer especially because of Anya’s tone.

Seeing the lack of response, Anya quickly concludes, “You just miss your bed heater, right?”

“Don’t put words on my mouth, Anya! I didn’t even answer?” Raven defends.

“Answer me then!” Anya defies.

Raven sighs, “I miss **you** , I didn’t think about if I miss my best friend or girlfriend, ok? I mean, I don’t even know where we stand, are we even girlfriends?”

“Is it a question?” Anya asks back and Raven frowns.

“Ok! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to be harsh, and yes we are girlfriends,” Anya nods before adding, “I didn’t miss my infuriating best friend but I did miss my girlfriend”.

Raven recognizes the grin on Anya’s face and quickly wipes it away by smashing her lips against hers. A kiss turns into a second one then into more and Anya ends up straddling Raven’s lap but the brunette gently pushes her to stop, “Wait, An!”

Anya pulls back breathing heavily looking at Raven expectedly who smiles at her and says, “We need to talk, to set rules before…before we fall back in bed or fight again”.

Anya chuckles and nods. “We talk but in one condition”.

“What is it?” Raven asks confused.

“No Finn, no Lexa and no drama, alright? Just us,” Anya says and Raven acquiesces.

Raven pecks Anya’s lips once again and when Anya tries to get off her lap she wraps her arms around her waist, “It’s fine, we can talk like that”.

“Ok, I’m all ears,” Anya encourages her girlfriend feeling a little bit impatient and horny.

“Well, we don’t leave. We don’t storm out especially not when we’re in a hot date. We talk like adults and I know we mostly argue because well…it is us,” Raven giggles before continuing, “you have to trust me, An. If we don’t trust one another it is going to be….we can’t be together if we don’t trust each other. You really fucked up when you left the other day”.

“I know, I’m sorry. I was furious,” Anya confesses while caressing Raven’s face.

“It’s fine, I get it. But if you keep questioning us every time we disagree, we’re never going to last, not even a week”.

“That’s true, anything else?” Anya asks impatient.

“Yes! We keep our promises,” Raven adds with a smirk.

“I always keep my promises,” Anya defends not getting what Raven is talking about.

“No, not the last one,” Raven shakes her head adding shyly, “you promised me things with wearing your suit”.

“Yeah, I remember that one. It’s an easy one, can be done anytime,” Anya shrugs. “Especially at my place,” Anya adds getting off Raven’s lap.

“Where are you going?” Raven asks and Anya looks back at her, “Well I’m going to fulfill my promise”.

“That’s not fair, I’m not wearing a dress,” Raven says loud enough looking down at her body. She is wearing jeans and a shirt, she wasn’t expecting this to happen well maybe she was but not the suit detail. It just came spontaneously, not like she had the rules in her head ready ‘ _I look like **not** sexy’_ She mumbles to herself.

A few minutes later, Anya comes out of her bedroom with a serious face wearing a suit and a tie with her hair loose. She can’t help giggling when she sees Raven half naked already, her jeans off and a smile on her face.

“Ow! You dressed too,” Anya eyes Raven’s legs.

“Come here!” Raven replies curling her index gesturing for Anya to get close but Anya refuses shaking her head. Raven bites her lip and walks to her running out of patience.

After having Raven cum in several positions and corners in her living room and her bedroom, Anya pulls her in her arms and asks her to stay for the night. Raven is more than happy to stay, she is not even sure she can drive.

Raven lets out a content sigh after nuzzling into Anya’s naked body, “Makeup sex is the best”.

“Are you sure it was makeup sex? I doubt that,” Anya replies her fingers brushing lightly a lock of brown hair from Raven’s face.

“The second round totally was,” Raven confirms then asks, “do you know what I would like to try?”

“Surprise me!” Anya says tilting her head back to look into Raven’s eyes.

“Office sex,” The brunette wiggles her eyebrow comically and Anya chuckles.

“Would be hot but Lexa would fire us, both!”

“Come on. Would be fun!” Raven nudges her girlfriend, “She won’t even know about it”.

“Are you seriously trying to convince me?” Anya asks in disbelief.

“Yeah, why not?” Raven replies. “Lexa never comes to our offices anyway”.

“It’s not because she doesn’t come to our offices that we won’t get busted,” Anya replies.

“I’m just sharing my fantasy with my girlfriend if you’re not able to make it happen, I can still use Lexa’s secretary,” She says.

“Ha! Funny! You’d kill her with the first hard thrust. She’s what? Eighty something?” Anya replies.

“Her death would be on you because you won’t satisfy your girlfriend,” Raven warns her and Anya chuckles, “I’ll furnish a corner in my living-room with a desk, any other fantasy?”

“Not, it’s boring! The thrill is to be there, you know!” Raven explains and Anya shakes her head, “Actually no. It’s not going to happen so you better take my offer”.

“Give me one valid reason and I’ll shut up,” Raven insists.

Anya thinks for a moment then says, “First, I don’t want to get busted, imagine how embarrassing it would be? Two, I don’t want anyone else to see my girlfriend’s ass naked or even see her face after she cums”.

Raven’s heart flutters but she decides to not thing a lot about it.

“Three, I don’t want Lexa to think that we don’t give a fuck or we do in this case we fuck…while she is having rough time with Finn and the company”.

Raven is silent for a moment then says, “Well, when you put it like that…as for Lexa we really need to do something”.

Anya hums and Raven continues, “she’s alone! Finn is…well he is being _ass-Finn_ and us…we’ve been busy with everything and we neglected our best friend…she needs us”.

“Yes, she does,” Anya confirms. “She’s either at work or home and even dad is worrying about her”.

“Why?”

“He says she spends her time moping around”.

“That’s comprehensible, I mean she is busting her ass off at work more than usual,” Raven remarks.

“Exactly, she needs to get out, drink, get laid which she won’t do but at least we get her to hang out with us”.

“Alright, dinner at my place tomorrow and then we head to the Grounders?” Raven suggests.

“I’m in, you gotta ask her not me,” Anya says.

The next morning, Anya wakes up before her alarm goes off and halfheartedly wakes Raven up because she wants to enjoy the peaceful moment and drink at the sight of her **girlfriend** ’s naked body in **her** bed. _Girlfriend_ , a new term that makes Anya feel things she never got to feel before even with her ex-boyfriend.

Raven barely stirs in her arms and hums not wanting to leave Anya’s bed, Anya’s arms and wake up. “Sleeping,” She hums against Anya’s skin after cuddling even further in her.

Anya feels her heart warm. “Wake up, you need to go back to your place and wear something more appropriate for work”.

Raven doesn’t reply and falls back asleep after few minutes, Anya can even hear her light snoring. She surpasses the need to laugh and starts rubbing Raven’s back until she gets another reaction from her.

Raven hums against her neck and lets out sleepily, “Stop it! It’s worse”.

Anya’s hand abruptly stops her movements on Raven’s back before she asks confused, “Worse?”

“Emmm…don’t want to leave your bed and I won’t let you leave either if you continue rubbing my back”.

Anya laughs and pushes Raven on her back and straddles her, Raven looks up at Anya eyes partially opened and smiles sleepily.

“Don’t smile at me like this! Get up you’ve to get ready,” Anya says before pecking Raven’s chest and getting out of bed herself.

Almost half an hour later, Raven is up and ready to leave when Anya fists her shirt to give her one last peck and says, “Don’t forget to ask Lexa!”

“I won’t,” Raven replies with a grin.

**Woods’ office building; Lexa’s office;**

Lexa is in the middle of something when her personal elevator dings and opens to Anya, she barely lifts her gaze away from her work to acknowledge her presence before looking down at her screen.

“I see you’re busy,” Anya comments after a moment standing in Lexa’s office.

“Yeah,” Lexa trails off but seeing that Anya is not leaving, not even moving from her spot where she is standing she asks, “what is it, Anya?”

“Can I get your undivided attention for a minute?”

“A minute,” Lexa lets out sceptic eyes still glued to her screen. She knows if it is about work Anya would jump right in the conversation and she will get her ‘ _undivided’_ attention but Anya is asking so she adds, “you get more than a minute when you’ll come and drag me out for lunch”.

“Not today! I’ve something else planned,” Anya justifies and Lexa prints few paper work before looking up at her best friend.

“Anya!” Lexa finally greets her while walking to the printer to get her documents. Anya takes it for a green light and starts, “I’m here to talk about Finn”.

Lexa is rooted to her spot anger taints her eyes.

“He called you,” It’s a statement and not a question but Anya replies, “No! He didn’t”.

Lexa raises her chin and nods seriously. “What do you have in mind?” She asks thinking that Anya wants to suggest something else.

“Well, I think we should call him and start the negotiations or whatever because it’s clearly-“

“Out of question,” Lexa fires.

“God damn! Lexa! Hear me out first,” Anya lets out frustrated to be interrupted.

Lexa averts her eyes not meeting Anya’s, she doesn’t want to hear the same old song again ‘ _He’s your brother, talk to him, try again’._

Before she can say anything else, Anya speaks again, “This situation with Finn is slowing us down, it’s sucking out our energy and time. Instead of focusing on getting the company back on track, we’re waiting for him and his fucking lawyer to show up again…it’s stupid”.

Lexa looks back at Anya for a moment and the blonde knows she is getting somewhere, she knows the look Lexa is giving her so she continues, “Look at you, it’s taking a toll on you! When was it the last time you had a drink? Or hang out with us? It’s turning you into a new Gustus”.

Lexa’s jaw tenses, Anya is right but she doesn’t want to admit it especially because if she does, she will have to take the next step and call Finn.

“When was it the last time you smiled?” Anya adds and Lexa’s lips instantly twitch upward, “This morning”.

“Ah really?” Anya folds her arms over her chest looking straight into Lexa’s eyes.

“Yes,” Lexa confirms feeling her cheeks blushing, “Clarke!” Is all she offers as a justification.

“Of course,” Anya fights the urge to roll her eyes not wanting to make Lexa uncomfortable because she rarely shares details about Clarke and Anya knows it makes her happy to do it and if she does roll her eyes, Lexa will shy away.

“Ok! Happy that she makes you smile but it’s not enough. You should smile around your friends too, you should smile around your family, **me** ,” Anya enhances and Lexa gives her grateful smile but says nothing.

“We need to focus on saving the company,” Anya adds.

“The company is fine, we’re not bankrupt. It’s a little shaky but it doesn’t mean I’m done fighting and you know as much as I do, we can go through it...the stats are already showing that there’s an amelioration,” Lexa tries to defend but Anya is not having it.

“I’m just saying that you need to have your main focus on it instead of splitting it to this drama”.

Lexa’s phone chimes and instead of answering her best friend, she rushes to it and Anya doesn’t miss the smile creeping on Lexa’s lips.

“Clarke!” Anya says knowingly but Lexa doesn’t hear her. She is even too focused scrolling though whatever she received to notice that Anya is already standing next to her.

Anya snatches Lexa’s phone from her hand and takes a few steps back so Lexa won’t take it back, “I was here before her, before she texted so we talk then I’ll leave you with-“ Anya stops taking a look at the phone and then she squints her eyes, “Ah! It’s not Clarke”.

“It’s Abby,” Lexa says trying to reach for her phone but Anya is quick enough to back away from her reach.

“Anyway, what about Finn? What are you going to do?” Anya insists and Lexa huffs, “I can’t trust him again, An. He wanted this. And we’re going to do it his way…I’m not gonna change my mind just because he regrets and begs”.

Anya frowns, “He what? I feel like I missed something”.

“The day we were supposed to have the meeting, he showed up home and asked me to talk without our lawyers but I wasn’t going to trust him, not again,” Lexa says firmly.

“Why didn’t he show up then? What did he tell you? And why am I hearing about this only now?”

Lexa looks away not meeting her best friend’s eyes and sits back in her chair.

“Because you would have tried to convince me to do it just now, I was just sparing us an argument”.

“What did he say?” Anya insists once again.

“Nothing much, he said he regrets and he’s sorry” Lexa replies still not meeting her eyes.

“You said he regrets! How do you know? Did he say it?” Lexa looks at Anya and nods.

“And?”

“And that’s it,” She says firmly trying to put an end to the conversation.

“So what’s you’re saying is that there’s a way we can avoid this shitty lawyers situation and you turned it off?”

“It’s not-“ Lexa is about to reply when Anya interrupts her, “Are you out of your mind or what?”

Lexa is silent she doesn’t want to talk about it, about Finn because it is something that really pisses her off and she doesn’t need that. She has enough.

“I’m talking to you Lexa!” Anya tries to have her attention but Lexa won’t look at her “ok! You know what? You’re the boss, do whatever you want it’s not like you’re going to affect our lives no!” Anya says throwing Lexa’s phone on her desk and ready to leave when Lexa stops her, “Anya wait!”

“What?”

“I didn’t want to do it because I don’t trust him. What if he has something else in mind? He is not the Finn I know, my brother Finn wouldn’t treat me like that,” Lexa explains trying to ignore the lump in the back of her throat.

“I know he’s hurt but don’t you see? He’s not himself anymore….it’s like he sees me as his enemy! Bringing a lawyer instead of talking to me? Who would do that to his sister?”

Anya could hear Lexa’s voice shaking and her eyes welling in tears while talking, she feels bad at scolding her. She never stopped and thought of how Lexa is feeling about Finn’s behavior, they have been so busy trying to deal with it.

“And now he accuses me of things…I mean, I was begging him to come back after Gustus died but he wouldn’t, how can he think that I hid from him the truth or my intentions were bad when I asked him!!!” Lexa quickly wipes the tears that rolled down her cheeks while she was talking hoping Anya didn’t notice them.

“I don’t know, Lexa!” Anya lets out tired and after a moment of silence she adds, “I’m sorry for what’s happening, do you want me to talk to him instead and see what he wants?”

Lexa looks at Anya thoughtfully then shakes her head “Nothing you can say or anyone else can change his mind, I tried you know! I tried to talk to him when we were in Paris! I tried when you left the conference room, I sent his lawyer away for a few minutes but all he kept saying is that I took from him what’s ‘ _rightfully his_ ’-“

“Clarke! Isn’t it?” Anya interjects and Lexa nods before adding, “That’s why I told him I’d give up anything, sacrifice anyone but Clarke!” She shakes her head, “never! She is the love of my life. I lost her once and I won’t let it happen again”.

“I see, and now what? We stand by keeping our fingers crossed?”

“I don’t really have a choice, I don’t trust him and I won’t talk to him without a lawyer,” Lexa shakes her head.

“What about I go talk to him? Or you call him and I tag along?” Anya suggests and Lexa smiles at her, “I don’t know, I don’t think it’s going to be any different”.

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained!”

“I’ll think about it,” Lexa nods.

Lexa takes her phone to check the pictures Abby sent her of the places she visited but she couldn’t focus on the task. The discussion with Anya brought her feelings back to the surface, feelings she has been trying to ignore so she can handle the condition with her head and not her heart.

She puts her phone back on her desk and tries to think about what Anya told her. Maybe she is right, maybe there is a chance Finn is being honest this time and she can avoid all the drama and the waist of their energy. She wants to give him the benefit of the doubt but she doesn’t want to risk anything else especially not Clarke and now that she knows he called Clarke, she feels even more cynic about his regrets and intention to make things right.

**Later that day; Lexa’s mansion;**

**Lexa’s office;**

After Raven’s stubborn persistence, Lexa ends up agreeing on having dinner with her best friends and have a drink later at the Grounders. She missed her friends a lot, she misses being around them and just be. But since Costia left and the drama with Finn, she can’t help feeling a little bit guilty of the disruption of their ‘ _family_ ’. In addition, she was never in a mood of hanging out and neither did she have the time for it.

So in order to make it up and to keep her mind away from all of the drama, Lexa decides to show up at Raven’s apartment earlier to help and spend more time with her friends but before leaving she walks into her office to answer Abby on her last email. She quickly types it and send it to Abby and just as she turns off her mac and arranges her desk, her phone chimes. It’s Abby.

No matter how many times she talks to Abby about the house she wants to buy, Lexa blushes every single time. She clears her throat before picking up, “Hi, Abby”.

“There you are,” Abby replies, “what’s going on Lexa? Why do you keep rejecting everything I suggest? Is there something you want to talk to me about?”

Lexa feels more embarrassed and shy than before if it’s even possible with Abby’s motherly and authoritarian tone.

“Are you sure, you still want to do it?” Abby questions her and Lexa freaks out. Yes, she still wants to find a nice place for her and Clarke but all the ones Abby is sending her are either too small with barely two bedrooms or don’t have a room suitable enough for Clarke’s art room.

“Yeah, of course….I’m not doubting it. This one is too...small?” Lexa lets out in rather a questioning tone.

“Small? It has three rooms and one of them is just perfect for an art room,” Abby replies and Lexa squeezes her eyes shut not knowing how to tell Abby that she wants a bigger place, “and you don’t have enough time to close the deal, finish the paperwork, sign the ‘ _acte authentique_ ’ and the transaction takes time too…all of that before Clarke’s birthday, I doubt you can make it”

Lexa feels her heart breaking at Abby’s rather pessimistic words, she takes a deep breath collecting all the strength she could find in her and says, “I want a bigger place, at least a three…four? Or even five rooms. The art room not included”.

A deafening silence follows making Lexa’s heart beat hard against her chest afraid of Abby’s reaction but then the older woman speaks, “I don’t know what to say, Lexa. Maybe you should postpone it and look for yourself once you’re here in France!”

“I can’t! I want it to be part of the surprise…I mean I’ll be there as soon as I can and hopefully before Clarke’s birthday,” Lexa explains.

“Well finding _the_ _house_ to make _your_ home is not that easy and especially if I’ve been misled,” Abby says.

“I’m sorry, I know I should have told you..” Lexa stutters and Abby interrupts, “can I ask you a question, Lexa?”

Lexa is silent for a long moment before clearing her throat, “Of course!”

Abby doesn’t need time to formulate her question or think about it, it has been in her mind the second Lexa said she wants a bigger place.

“Are you going to propose to Clarke?”

The question takes Lexa off guard. Yes, she wants to spend the rest of her life with Clarke. She wants to marry her and she wants to propose in the most romantic way but she knows it’s not the right time for Clarke.

“No, no…not now. She’s been through a lot and now is not the right time for a marriage proposal. And I won’t do it without your consent”.

“Ok,” Abby replies hesitantly. “Is she pregnant?” She asks again and to say that Lexa is taken aback by her question is an understatement.

“I…no! What? Is she? Did she tell you?” Lexa replies confused and happy at the same time.

“No. I’m asking you, Lexa!” Abby says.

“Ow, no. She’s…she’s not,” Lexa replies feeling like her heart was pumping all her blood to her face.

“But you talked with Clarke and she wants kids otherwise you won’t be looking for a big house, right?”

“No, we didn’t talk about kids. Not yet,” Lexa replies feeling her heartbeat in her throat.

“Ok, because now a two bedrooms is enough if you really want to have a place and in such a short time notice. You should reconsider it and you can always find another one once you decide to start a family”.

Lexa’s lips twitch in a smile at Abby’s words, she is not exactly expressing her approval about Clarke starting a family with her but she is talking about it as if it is inevitable, “Ok, I’ll have a look at it again and text you before tomorrow”.

“Good!” Abby adds contently, “and don’t forget that you need to be here as soon as possible if you ever decide to take it”.

“Of course, I’ll do my best,” Lexa acquiesces before adding, “Thank you, Abby for putting up with me and my caprices”.

“It’s fine, you just had to tell me that you wanted a bigger house,” Abby says, “but you need to talk to Clarke about what you want to make sure that you both are in the same page”.

“Of course, I wanted…but it just didn’t come in the conversation yet,” Lexa stutters.

“Then, bring it up,” Abby simply suggests.

“I will,” Lexa promises and before she hangs up Abby speaks again, “Lexa?”

“Yeah?”

“You have my consent if you ever want to propose”.

Lexa’s heart warms and her eyes well in tears, happy tears, “Thank you, Abby. It means a lot to me”.

“I know,” Abby lets out softly knowing that Lexa still has hard time talking to her and especially about things that concern Clarke.

Lexa puts her phone on her desk and sits on her chair letting out a deep breath. She was pacing nervously around her office while talking to Abby and now she hanged up she feels relieved at how it ended up.

Her heart warms at the thought of having Abby’s consent, she knows it is too soon but it still feels good to know that Abby likes her enough to give her consent. She takes her phone and texts Clarke letting her know that she will be spending the night with her friends. She wants to share with her the most embarrassing phone call she just had with Abby and just laugh about it. She wants to tell her that she almost had a heart attack when she asked her if Clarke is pregnant but she refrains because they did not talk about such serious topics yet. They still are adjusting to their new relationship and its difficulties.

**Raven’s apartment;**

Raven opens the door expecting Anya but when she sees that it is Lexa instead her smile grows wider, “What a surprise! Come in!” Raven steps back to let Lexa in.

“I thought you could use a hand since you’re not into cooking,” Lexa says after giving her a friendly hug.

“Make yourself home, you can even cook the god damn meal, I’ll be fine with it,” Raven replies jokingly.

“Is Anya here?” Lexa asks.

“No, not yet,” Raven answers blushingly.

Lexa takes off her jacket and walks to the kitchen which looks more like a battlefield, her jaw drops, “What did happen in here?”

“Well I kind of wanted to try something but then I burnt it so I’m just gonna do something else,” Raven explains flashing her a smile.

Lexa looks around for a moment then nods, “Ok, I think we need to clean this mess first then we’ll try to make something edible”. Raven rolls her eyes, “Your orders commander”.

Few minutes later, the kitchen looks functional enough. Lexa starts helping Raven with dinner while they try and make small talk. Lexa is not as comfortable as she used to be when talking to Raven but the latter knows that nothing is the same anymore and they eventually have some warming up to do and learn how to be around one another without bringing Finn or what happened on the table.

“It’s nice to have you around,” Raven comments and Lexa smiles back at her, “It’s been awhile”.

“I know, I really need to apologize”.

Lexa frowns and Raven adds, “I haven’t been a good friend lately…I’m sorry for everything really! I hope we can go back to how we were”.

Lexa is silent for a moment then says, “We’ll always be family, I hope. Things changed and nothing is the same anymore but we’re still friends and you guys are now the only family I’ve left”.

“You have Clarke too,” Raven smiles at Lexa knowingly and before she can reply anything, she adds, “How is she doing by the way?”

Lexa’s heart skips a bit at the mention of her lover’s name. With a genuine and grateful smile she replies, “She is good, thanks for asking”.

“You can talk about her if you want, you know!” Raven shrugs “Anya is right, your face just lit up”.

Lexa can’t help the blush creeping on her cheeks, “She means a lot to me” She acquiesces and Raven adds, “You deserve to be happy”.

“Thank you,” Lexa lets out shyly when a knocking on the door interrupts them, she looks at Raven and says, “I’ll get that”.

Lexa opens the door for Anya who has a bouquet of flower and a bottle of wine, instantly Anya blushes and smiles awkwardly at her best friend. She did not expect to find Lexa already there.

“Hey,” Anya pushes the bouquet of flower to the side so she can give Lexa a side hug. Lexa hesitates to take the bouquet from her to help instead she gestures at the bottle of wine and Anya gladly gives it to her muttering a ‘ _Thanks_ ’ between her lips.

When they get into the kitchen, Raven spontaneously leans in for a kiss but Anya barely kisses her back before taking a step back and giving her the bouquet.

‘”That’s for you,” She says almost in a whisper.

“Thank you,” Raven takes a look at the bouquet and nuzzles them gently inhaling their scents before fisting Anya’s shirt and pulling her for a deep kiss this time. Anya can’t relax and reciprocate especially after hearing Lexa chuckling.

“What?” Raven looks at Lexa questioningly.

“No, nothing. It’s just…weird to see you guys…finally kissing instead of fighting”.

“We still fight,” Raven shrugs and Anya pokes her playfully.

“I’m happy for you,” Lexa says looking at her best friends and Anya leans into Raven placing a kiss on her pulse.

After finalizing the dinner’s preparation with Lexa and Raven, Anya sets the table for them. Seeing that Anya was a little shy about the kissing and flirting in front of Lexa, Raven took a great pleasure teasing her girlfriend. Even during dinner she wouldn’t stop between letting her hands wander, squeezing Anya’s thigh, and even caressing her calf under the table.

The kept the conversation light, nothing too serious and they tried to avoid talking about all the drama that was happening in their lives, especially in Lexa’s. However, Lexa found herself talking about Clarke without being asked. Both Raven and Anya felt the difference, Lexa became more open and talkative. Clearly she is in love because they have never heard their best friend being so cheesy.

“And how are you managing the long distance thing?”

“Well, not easy! It should be our honey moon phase but we’re instead learning to be with one another without being together if that makes sense!” Lexa replies to Raven who asks her again, “Why isn’t she here?”

Lexa is silent. Thoughtful and silent for a moment, she takes a sip from her wine before putting her glass back on the table and answers, “It’s complicated but I’m trying to find a place there”.

“In France?” Raven asks with wide eyes and Lexa nods. Anya is not surprised, the pictures she saw on Lexa’s phone this morning made sense.

“Wow, what about the company? Us? Your life here? Your mansion?”

Lexa chuckles. “I’m not leaving tomorrow and…well I would if it was that easy but I’m not abandoning everything to live there,” She replies wishing the opposite. Wishing, she could leave everything and go be happy with the woman she loves. Leave everything to be happy.

“Then what are you going to do?” Anya asks and Lexa feels trapped. She doesn’t know how she is going to handle things properly especially now.

“Well, first we’ll see how things unfold with Finn and I can’t leave for good until the company is stable enou-”

“So you’re leaving sooner or later,” Anya interjects before Lexa finishes.

“Yes but-“ Lexa tries to answer but again Anya interrupts her.

“What about the company? Us?” Anya insists and Raven tries to calm her girlfriend by rubbing her thigh.

“Anya! Relax, I’m not giving up on you, or us, or the company and all our hard work. I’ll be managing everything from there with regular visits until we…me and Clarke figure out where we wanna spend the rest of our life,” Lexa lets out quickly before Anya interrupts her.

“Wow! You’re planning on proposing?” Raven lets out stupefied.

“Eventually, yeah but emm…not now,” Lexa replies feeling her heart thudding hard against her chest at the thought of proposing to Clarke. She thought about it but she doesn’t know if it is the right thing to do after what happened to Clarke. She doubts her girlfriend is ready to walk the altar once again and so soon.

“I hope you’ll have a guest house there,” Raven says trying to dissipate the tension between Anya and Lexa.

“No, it won’t be that big,” Lexa replies.

“Well, you should because I’ll come and spend few days with my girlfriend there on our first trip,” Raven says.

“That’s sweet,” Anya comments before kissing Raven’s cheek.

“Sorry! Not you my other girlfriend,” Raven replies seriously and Anya chuckles and nudges her playfully.

“Let’s clean this mess so we can enjoy our night,” Anya says while starting to take the dishes from the table when they hear a knocking on the door.

“Are you expecting someone?” Lexa asks confused.

“No!” Raven replies before leaving the kitchen. After a considerably long minutes, Raven is still not back and Anya worries so she goes to see what is keeping Raven so long.

Anya finds Raven still door open standing and apparently nervous talking with hushed voice.

“Raven?” Anya lets out questioningly trying to get her girlfriend’s attention but then Finn’s voice replies, “Anya, it’s me Finn”.

“Finn!” Anya feels her blood boiling, she walks the remaining steps to the door and stands next to Raven who looks at her apologetically hoping that Anya won’t think she invited him on purpose.

Anya stares at Finn for a moment not knowing if she should ask him to leave or not. In one hand it is the perfect opportunity for them to talk and maybe help their friends to find a middle ground without bringing the lawyers. And in the other hand, she is not sure that Lexa is ready to listen to him or even be around him so soon after all this morning Lexa was in tears when talking about him and the way he treated her.

“I think you should leave,” Anya says seriously.

“She is here, isn’t she?” Finn asks nervously, “otherwise, why wouldn’t be the right time to see you?” Finn says looking at Raven who shifts on her feet.

“Just go, Finn. I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?” Raven says softly hoping that Finn won’t overreact.

“Just let me talk to her,” Finn says pushing his hand on the door but Raven is rooted in her spot.

“No, Finn. Not here, not tonight,” Raven replies, she doesn’t want to ruin the night, Lexa’s night because hell she needs it. Hell they need it more than she does, they need it to reconnect with their best friend.

“Come on’ Rey. I just need to have a few words with her,” Finn tries again but this time instead of Raven, Anya is the one interjecting, “Don’t you dare, Finn. Last time you did, you fucked up. You need to leave”.

“I know,” Finn says, “but I need to talk to her” Finn’s voice is louder this time, loud enough for Lexa to hear and loud enough to hear the desperation in it.

“Finn!” Both Anya and Raven whips their heads towards Lexa’s voice. Raven doesn’t move and keeps the door half opened, she doesn’t want Finn to get it without Lexa’s approval. Anya is about to say something to her when Lexa nods, “It’s ok Anya”.

Both Raven and Anya step away to let him in then they all walk to the living-room and sit except for Finn who feels too nervous and unwelcomed to join them. He looks at Raven and Anya hoping that the two women would understand and give him some time alone with Lexa but Raven quickly catches on it and shakes her head, “We’re not leaving, Finn”.

Finn looks at Lexa waiting for her to say something, to ask them to give them some privacy but the brunette is silent. He gulps and looks away from Lexa’s eyes, he could see the pain and the coldness in them. He can’t stare at them knowing that he is to blame partially.

When Finn came to see Raven, he wanted to apologize to her and try and talk to her about Lexa and what he should do to fix things but he wasn’t expecting to be unwelcomed and that his best friend wouldn’t even let him in just because Lexa was there with her.

He came to talk to her but when she refused to let him in saying that he can’t have him at her place while Lexa is here, he thought that it would be the best opportunity for him to get Lexa to talk but now that he is in front of her he doesn’t know how to begin and where to start.

He wants to ask her how she is but he feels like he doesn’t have the right to ask that anymore especially after what he said and did in their previous encounters and at the way she is looking at him now.

“Say what you have to say, Finn,” Lexa’s cold voice sends shivers down his spine.

“Of course, I’m sorry!” Finn lets out not sure why he apologized because he knows no apology can erase what he has done.

“I’m sorry for busting up your night, but I didn’t know you are here. Then when Raven asked me to leave, I couldn’t. Not when I know you’re here and that I can talk to you”.

Lexa gives him a barely noticeable nod but it is there and Finn caught it so he continues, “now, that I’m here…I’m not sure it is a good idea after all”.

“Just say what you want to say, Finn,” Lexa lets out coldly almost annoyed.

“Can we maybe schedule another meeting this week, or the next one?” Finn asks hopeful and Lexa raises her eyebrow.

“You could have asked your lawyer to make a call,” Anya interrupts.

Finn looks at Anya then back at Lexa, “I don’t have a lawyer anymore”.

“Well then get one and get him to call and schedule a meeting with mine,” Lexa answers seriously.

“It’s not what I want, I’d rather we have a meeting just the two of us,” Finn explains and Lexa’s jaw tenses.

“I think we’ve established that, Finn. I don’t trust you enough”.

Finn nods in understanding then looks at his best friends for a moment before looking back at Lexa, “How long are we going to do this?”

Lexa’s eyes widen and she feels her heart tightening, how can he come and tell her that? He is the one who kept pushing her and acting defensively.

“How dare you?” Raven speaks Lexa’s mind angrily. Lexa feels her heart warm at Raven’s attempt to defend her but she quickly stops her, “It’s fine, Raven” Then, she looks back at Finn and adds, “As long as you keep dragging Clarke into this!”

“I’m not,” Finn frowns.

Lexa stands up and looks at him furiously.

“Then why did you tell her?” She spits out with venom, “don’t you see that all the stupid things that are happening is because you did them just to hurt me. To retaliate because you’re in pain? Clarke is not a fucking property, Finn. We both know what you mean when you say ‘ _I took from you what’s rightfully yours_ ’ and I’m sure you know that I’d never take anything from you”.

Finn looks at Lexa guiltily, he doesn’t know what to say. Lexa’s words are not completely wrong and he can’t deny it but it is difficult for him to admit it.

“That’s why I want to talk again, I over reacted, I was angry and I shouldn’t have said that…and I regret it that’s why I’m here, Alex. That’s why I’m asking you to sit and talk calmly”.

Seeing that Lexa is losing her temper finally and talking what’s in her mind, Raven and Anya both stand up to leave the living-room but Lexa quickly stops them, “Please, stay. I need you to hear what he says”.

Finn feels mortified at the way Lexa is treating him, he barely dares to meet their eyes. Raven takes Anya’s hand and pulls her back to the couch with her. Lexa looks back at Finn and asks, “You want to talk _calmly_?” Finn nods silently.

“I’m sorry Raven for ruining the evening and doing this at your place, thank you. I gotta go,” Lexa says ignoring Finn’s reply.

“Lexa, please. Don’t leave, why don’t you stay and we have a few drinks and talk all together?” Raven suggests and Lexa shakes her head disapprovingly, “Alcohol is the last thing we need and I don’t think I can do it tonight”.

“I can wait,” Finn lets out and Lexa flashes him a murderous look.

“It doesn’t mean I agreed”.

“Fair enough but as your brother I think I deserve-“ Finn says when Lexa interrupts him. “Brother?” She lets out with a broken voice and Finn averts his eyes feeling guilty and regretting his own words, knowing that Lexa is thinking back at what he said when they were in France.

The silence that instantly falls in the room is heavy and full of tension. It lasts a good few minutes before Lexa breaks it, “I should leave. Even if we talk now, I’m not sure I can do it,” Lexa decides to leave not wanting to lash out at Finn more than she already did.

“Is it a yes? I mean can we at least talk tomorrow?” Finn insists and Lexa finally agrees nodding.

“Is it ok if I come to your place before you leave for work?” Finn asks and Lexa hesitates a moment before answering, “Not tomorrow, give me two or three days. I’ll call you”.

“Of course,” Finn replies then adds, “I’m leaving, you should stay”.

Lexa doesn’t reply and leaves before he does. She needs some time to calm herself first before talking to him again and she wasn’t prepared. In addition, she needs to take a decision as soon as possible concerning the house Abby suggested. She knows whatever she decides, she is going to spend the whole morning on the phone with Abby. She won’t have time to talk with him anyway.


	17. Chapter 17

Lexa drives back to her place thoughtful, scolding herself for losing her temper. How did she lose it while she has always been the epitome of self-control? She was feeling bad at the way she reacted, she didn’t know what was the right thing to do. So before she could do more damage or say something she may regret she stepped away.

She is very good at hiding her emotions but when it came to someone she trusted – _someone she loves_ – she couldn’t swallow her emotions back inside and act like she wasn’t troubled by the situation.

How could she do it after all the things Finn dared to say? How did he dare say ‘ _as your_ ** _brother_** _I think I deserve’?_ Lexa could have stayed if not for this word. **He** is the one who told her that she is **not** his sister anymore?

She walks into her mansion with rushed steps and barely acknowledges Titus’ presence, and goes straight to the mini bar and pours herself a drink. Titus is right behind her. He has noticed the woman’s demeanor lately and he could tell she was a lot more anxious than she shows it at work.

It is safe to say that Titus was a big part of Lexa’s childhood in the USA. He had worked for her father for so long, he was his right hand, even when they were living in France.

Lexa trusts him even if she doesn’t agree with his rather orthodox tendencies which reminds her Gustus. She appreciates his efficiency in his work and knowledge as long as his presence, which always gives Lexa some balance.

“You’ve been drinking way too much lately,” Titus comments as he joins her and pours himself a drink.

Lexa looks down at the almost empty bottle then at Titus and nods.

“Just a bad habit,” She justifies, “father used to smoke and I drink”. She raises her glass before sipping from it.

“Your father had no one, you have friends,” Titus points out, Lexa averts her eyes from him and looks at the window.

Titus may be right but there is one thing that he doesn’t know. Lexa doesn’t trust anyone anymore. Neither her friends, nor herself. The person she trusts the most hurt her and how can she act like everything is ok, nothing is.

“Sometimes we need more than friends,” Lexa blurts out, “and sometimes even our closest friends can’t be enough”.

“Is it about Miss Griffin?” Titus asks boldly and Lexa would have laughed if she wasn’t emotionally exhausted.

“No,” She shakes her head. “It’s about Finn,” She says after taking another sip from her drink.

“Then, it’s about Miss Griffin, it’s always about the girl,” Titus comments and this time Lexa looks at him amused.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Titus looks at Lexa for a moment deliberating whether or not to engage into a conversation with her while she is angry, drunk or at least tipsy then nods, “Of course”.

Lexa looks down at her hand and swirls slowly her glass before looking back at him, “Do you think I should give Finn another chance?”

“I cannot help you with that decision,” Titus simply replies, “I warned you that your focus should be solely dedicated to your company”.

Lexa looks back at her glass, gulps what was left in it before answering, “I shouldn’t give him a chance, is that what you’re saying?”

“This is not what I’m saying. I cannot partake in this decision, there is a lot to take into consideration”.

Lexa huffs rubbing her forehead. “This is not helping me,” She lets out before walking closer to the bar in order to pour herself another drink when Titus comments, “Neither is the alcohol. To take the right decision you need to clear your mind, to be sober”.

Lexa freezes at her spot, she knows that what he is saying is true and that she needs to be sober but she can’t help turning to the alcohol these days because it helps her drown her sorrows of the day.

“Thank you, Titus,” She lets out in a murmur before putting her glass and leaving to her bedroom. She needs to stop thinking about Finn and start working on her plan to surprise Clarke. Thinking about a future with Clarke always makes her happy as she forgets about the pain for a brief moments and focuses on what she could have with the love of her life.

**Raven’s apartment; Living-room;**

Finn is rooted to his spot since Lexa left. He feels a little bit hopeful despite the cold tone Lexa used when talking to him. He doesn’t want to keep his hopes up but at least she is willing to talk without their lawyers. He shifts uncomfortably looking at his two best friends or the ones who used to be his best friends. He doesn’t know if they still consider him a part of their family as he used to be so he takes their silence for a cue to leave.

“I’m sorry Raven for coming and ruining your evening. I didn’t know you had company”.

Raven lets him leave without saying anything, Finn ruined their dinner and evening and she is not going to give him a chance to ruin whatever is left of their night. Lexa might have left but Anya is still with her and she doesn’t want to disturb their barely established relationship.

She knows Finn needs her, she knows he has no one and he screwed up really bad but she can’t blame Lexa nor Anya for lashing out at him. She had her share of anger the last time she spoke to him, she even kicked him out of her place.

She knows if she offers him a drink and ask him to stay, Anya would probably leave or worse not talk to her whereas they talked about the Finn and Lexa drama just yesterday and she made a promise to herself that she won’t let it get between them ever again.

“Do you think we should have done something?” Raven asks feeling guilty for not intervening when Lexa and Finn were arguing.

“No, it would have been worse,” Anya replies confidently, “we’re their friends but they have to figure out how to get past their pain and grudges on their own”.

“I know, but I can’t help feeling bad for not doing anything,” Raven confesses.

“I know how it feels, but unfortunately there’s nothing we can do and Lexa is clear about it. She doesn’t want anyone of us to intervene,” Anya explains rubbing her girlfriend’s thigh reassuringly.

“Ok,” Raven lets out disappointed and scoots closer to Anya, “stay with me tonight, please?”

Anya wraps her arms around her girlfriend and smiles. “I wasn’t planning on leaving anyway”. Raven tilts her head back to meet Anya’s eyes and when their eyes lock, she feels her heart warming.

“Kiss me,” She asks like a prayer and Anya complies happily to not let the words in her mind slip-up through her lips. The kiss is different, the good kind of different Raven thinks. It is slow and tender, it is not needy or full of lust as she is used to when Anya kisses her. Her thoughts run wild and before she can lose herself and do or say anything she shouldn’t, Raven pulls back and says, “I should go back and clean the kitchen first”.

Anya chuckles, “Since when did you become tidy?” Raven stands away from Anya’s arms afraid to lose herself in her kisses, not wanting to linger in the moment knowing that she may say something not right for them now. Something that may scare Anya away since she is barely letting her in.

Anya joins her in the kitchen, they work silently together as if they have done it before. They never did, they were never able to be and work around one another is such a confined space without arguing. Anya is not sure if it is a good thing or a bad one the fact that Raven is silent.

 _‘It must be a good thing,’_ She thinks to herself since this is how a couple should be while being together, they don’t need words nor empty conversations to fill the silence and certainly not stupid fights that her and Raven are used to. Her eyes never leave Raven, she is trying to find any regret or remorse but finds none.

Relieved she wipes her hand and wraps her arms around Raven’s waist placing a soft kiss on the back of her neck, “Are you ok?” She can’t help asking.

Raven shifts in her arms and turns to face her, she pecks her lips not knowing how to answer her so instead she asks, “Don’t you think we should call Lexa and see how she is?”

“She’s fine” Anya says before capturing Raven’s lips in a loving kiss. Raven can’t help wrapping her arms around Anya’s shoulders, bringing her closer. The kiss is as much filled with emotions and tenderness as their previous one that Raven tried to escape.

Anya takes her time kissing Raven’s lips tenderly for a moment before pulling back and looking into Raven’s eyes, “Can we go to bed?”

“It’s early,” Raven comments flustered.

“I know, I just want…,” Anya hesitates not knowing how to put it, “I want you,” Then adds caressing the sides of Raven’s body, “I want to feel you”.

“You mean you want to fuck me,” Raven corrects pushing her hand between their bodies down to Anya’s center to tease her and adds, “Let’s do it here!” Anya shakes her head, “Not here, your bedroom”.

Raven smirks and before she can say anything Anya smashes her lips against hers afraid she might say something she doesn’t want to hear. She takes Raven’s hand and pulls her to her bedroom before pushing her on the bed and straddling her.

Raven starts undressing but Anya stops her. “Let me,” She asks and Raven smiles at her. Anya takes her time worshiping every inch of skin she reveals when undressing her girlfriend.

Raven had never felt uncomfortable with her body or with Anya but the way her girlfriend is undressing her and paying attention to her skin so lovingly is different, she can’t help feeling this way.

Anya feels Raven’s uneasiness she trails kisses up to her neck and stops at her ear and whispers, ‘ _Relax,_ _I just wanna make love to you_ ’ Raven’s breath hitches, this is not what she was expecting. She lets out a shaky breath and tilts her head to meet Anya’s eyes.

Anya looks at her for a moment knowing that her eyes can express what she is feeling more than words can and hopes that the brunette won’t freak out. Raven doesn’t say anything instead her eyes fall on Anya’s lips then back to her eyes and says, “Are you going to make love to me with your eyes?”

Anya smiles and leans in capturing Raven’s lips once again. It’s warm, slow and full of emotions unlike anything they have ever shared in a bed before. Anya wants to show Raven what she means for her and how she feels about her. She never felt that need before tonight.

Raven slips her hand under Anya’s shirt and slide it up silently asking her to take it off. Anya pulls back, takes her shirt off and looks down at Raven. “Better?” She asks and Raven shakes her head and before she can say anything else, Anya undresses and settles back between her thighs.

Raven’s arms wrap around Anya’s shoulders pulling her down for a kiss. Her lips are needy but Anya manages to control the kiss making it more sensual. Raven can’t help wrapping her legs around Anya’s waist to push her on top of her. They both moan into the kiss at the feeling of each other’s skin.

Anya moves down to Raven’s neck sucking at her pulse point and going slowly down to the swell of her breasts taking her time loving her girlfriend’s breasts. She closes her lips around one of Raven’s nipples and sucks lightly before releasing it with a soft pop while her hands are caressing Raven’s sides.

Her eyes don’t leave Raven’s, the sight of her beautiful girlfriend naked, and panting under her is warming her heart. She pays equal attention to the other nipple before trailing wet kisses down her body then stops at her thighs where she keeps teasing her nipping, licking tenderly her skin too close to where she needs her yet not exactly there.

“An,” Raven breathes out frustrated tugging Anya up for a searing kiss before parting, “Stop teasing me”. Anya smiles and goes back down between Raven’s thighs. She places a soft kiss on her clit.

Anya starts with one strong stroke with her tongue down from Raven’s entrance up to her clit having a taste of her girlfriend before capturing her clit between her lips and sucking it lightly in her mouth, “fuck! you taste so good”. Raven arches her back letting out a dirty moan and Anya feels it deep in her core.

She doesn’t have it in her to tease Raven further, she knows she needs more judging by the way she is thrusting her hips against her mouth to get more friction. She keeps assaulting her clit with her tongue keeping a steady pace, building up her girlfriend’s arousal driving her high to the edge.

Then, when Raven pleads, _‘I need you inside me!’_ Anya complies and pushes a finger inside her as requested but it’s not enough, Raven asks for, ‘ _more_ ’ and again Anya delivers. She pulls out and penetrates her again with two fingers eliciting profanities from the brunette.

Anya’s hand never flatters thrusting in and out of Raven, while she trails kisses up to her to her breasts again sucking and lapping her tongue on her perked nipples then she feels Raven pulling her up for a sloppy kiss.

Raven wraps her arms around Anya’s shoulders keeping her flash against her, needing to feel her body heat. Anya moans when Raven sucks her tongue into her mouth. She pulls back and looks at the brunette who closes her eyes shut trying to focus on the Anya’s hand and not her eyes but then the Anya stops.

Raven opens her eyes and looks at Anya who asks her, “Look at me” Raven nods vigorously, “Just please, I’m so-“ The words die in her throat as Anya thrusts back inside and resumes her fast pace driving her crazy. She feels all her body at the mercy of her girlfriend.

Her walls are clenching around Anya’s fingers and her heart is thudding hard against her chest while Anya is looking at her. She pulls her for another kiss and moans when Anya hits a sensitive spot inside her.

It doesn’t take longer for Raven to cum around her fingers, Anya helps her girlfriend riding her orgasm then places soft kisses from her jaw all the way down to her neck and whispers, ‘ _I love you_ ’ against her burning skin.

Raven shudders not knowing if it’s just her imagination and her orgasm toying with her brain but then Anya pulls back and their eyes lock and it validates her thoughts.

“I love you,” Raven says feeling her heart hammering hard against her chest afraid that Anya didn’t say a thing. Anya lifts her head and looks at Raven. Their eyes lock and it is enough, they don’t need words. She pecks Raven’s lips before nuzzling in her neck.

**Next morning; Lexa’s mansion;**

**Lexa’s bedroom**

Lexa wakes up with a headache, she had barely a few hours of sleep and now she needs to talk with Abby before it is too late and she loses the offer. Abby warned her that she is not the only one interested in the house and if she wants it she better take a decision and soon.

After showering and dressing, She texts Abby to see if she is available to talk and the answer comes scarcely five minutes later on her screen.

_Video call…_

“Morning, Abby,” Lexa says as the elder woman appears on her screen.

“Good morning, Lexa,” Abby replies and then when she notices Lexa’s not so smiling face she adds, “don’t tell me you’re not taking it!”

Lexa hesitates for a moment then replies, “Can you convince the estate agent to wait for me…I’ll try to find the soonest flight today”.

“So you’re taking it!” Abby concludes and Lexa shakes her head. “I can’t…I don’t know yet. I’ll have to visit it and see but if I don’t have the choice, I will,” Lexa explains.

“Good,” Abby bobs her head then looks at her right then back at the screen and asks, “are you going to stay for Clarke’s birthday?”

“I hope so,” Lexa replies then types a text message for her secretary asking her to find the soonest flight for tomorrow.

Abby smiles at Lexa. She knows all Lexa wants is to be there in France with Clarke and she is struggling to keep herself from leaving everything and joining her girlfriend.

“How are things with Finn?” Abby asks warily and Lexa huffs remembering that she has to talk with Finn before leaving.

She shrugs and it is an answer itself, Lexa never shrugs and is not the type of person who uses body language unless she is really, really emotionally exhausted or speechless, “It’s…..complicated”.

Abby doesn’t want to push but she knows that Lexa is alone – _has always been alone_ – and has to be strong. She knows the brunette doesn’t have a parent or someone that may help her with difficult decisions and that’s what Abby has been doing since she is back to France with Clarke.

She is the one who questions Lexa and listens to her, she is the one who pushes her to do the right – _difficult_ – thing and even if it pains her to see both Clarke and Lexa unhappy because they are away from each other she insists on Lexa to not leave without fighting.

“It was complicated from the start,” She comments.

“It still is,” Lexa says.

“Then do something about it,” Abby orders.

“It’s not that simple,” Lexa replies tiredly.

“Nothing is, Lexa. Was it simple for your father and you and all your employees to build that company and fortune?” Abby lets out and before Lexa can say anything to that she answers, “No, it wasn’t. Neither it is now for you to keep it. You have to fight for it”.

“What do I do with Finn?” Lexa asks desperate.

“Talk to him,” Abby says. “Talk to him one last time and if he doesn’t change his mind, do the necessary”.

“That’s the problem. I don’t know how to talk to him anymore,” Lexa replies honestly.

“Do it before you come, at least nothing happens while you’re here and requires for you to leave in a hurry,” Abby says.

“I know, that’s-“ Lexa doesn’t finish her sentence when she hears Clarke talking with Abby _‘…c’est Lexa?_ ’ _(Is it Lexa?)_ Lexa’s heart skips a beat.

Abby whips her head to her right then back at the screen with a nervous smile hoping that Clarke didn’t overhear their conversation.

“Yes,” Lexa hears Abby replying and her eyes widen with concern too.

She doesn’t want Clarke to know about her coming. If she does, she won’t have time for her and won’t be able to do anything.

Clarke leans on her mother’s shoulder and appears on Lexa’s screen with a bright smile, hands full of bags.

“ _Salut mon amour_ " (Hi love).

" _Salut, Clarke,_ " (Hi, Clarke,) Lexa let out shyly hoping that her cheeks are not crimson red as they feel after being called ‘ _love’_ in front of Abby. Clarke finds it endearing the way Lexa is still shy when her mother is around and Abby surpasses the urge to laugh and somehow she likes to make the brunette flustered.

“ _Je range les courses et je reviens, raccroches pas stp!"_ (I’ll put the groceries away and comeback, please don’t hang up!) Clarke says and before she leaves, her mother stops her, “ _Je m’en occupe, ne la laisse pas attendre_ ” (I’ll take care of it, don’t keep her waiting).

“ _Merci, maman,_ ” (Thanks, mom,) Clarke replies handing her mother the bags before sitting.

“Hey,” Lexa lets out in a sad tone, “ _t’es toute belle_ ” (You’re so beautiful).

Clarke's smile grows wider “ _Et toi encore plus,_ ” (And you even more,) Clarke replies blowing a kiss for Lexa.

“ _Comment était la soirée avec Raven et Anya?_ ” (How was your evening with Raven and Anya?) Clarke asks.

“ _Pas comme on avait prévu!_ ” (Not as we were expecting!) Lexa replies honestly, “ _Finn est venu et ça a casser l’ambiance_ ” (Finn came and killed the mood).

“ _Raven l’a invitée?”_ (Raven invited him?) Clarke asks confused.

“ _Non, non…je ne crois pas!_ ” (No, no…I don’t think so!) Lexa replies and looks at her screen waiting for Clarke to say something but it seems that Clarke is waiting for her to tell her more about what happened.

“ _Il veut qu’on parle sans nos avocats, tête à tête,_ ” (He wants us to talk without our lawyers, face to face,) Lexa says.

" _Et qu’est-ce que t’en pense ?_ " (And what do you think?) Clarke asks curious.

Lexa lets out a deep breath before replying, “ _Je n’ai plus vraiment le choix…je dois le faire même si-_ “ (I don’t really have a choice, I’ve to do it even if-) Lexa rubs her forehead anxiously before adding, ‘ _même si je ne veux pas le faire_ ” (Even if I don’t want to do it).

Clarke smiles kindly at her girlfriend, “ _Je sais mon amour, mais le plus tôt tu résolu le probléme avec lui, le mieux c’est_ " (I know love, but the sooner you resolve the problem with him, the better).

“ _Je sais,_ ” (I know,) Lexa huffs.

“ _Parlons d’autre chose,_ ” (Let’s talk about something else,) Clarke says seeing that the topic is affecting her girlfriend’s mood.

“ _Avec Plaisir,_ " (With pleasure,) Lexa replies with a weak smile.

“ _Parlant de plaisir, j’ai acheté de la lingerie fine._ _Tu veux voir?_ " (Speaking of pleasure, I bought fine lingerie.Want to see?)

“ _Là, tout de suite?_ ” (Here, right now?) Lexa lets out surprised and Clarke laughs.

“ _Non, relax pas toute de suite. Je t'envoie des photos plutard_ ” (No, relax not right away. I’ll send you the photos later) Clarke smiles at her girlfriend.

They stare at their screens silently, Clarke wants to tell Lexa how much she loves her, how much she misses her, how much she wants to be with her, how much she is afraid to lose her again but she doesn’t want to make things more difficult than they already are for her girlfriend.

Lexa in the other hand, is staring at Clarke hoping that she is not tired from the missing and the situation. She feels guilty because she promised Jake to keep Clarke safe and happy whereas she is in another continent and can’t do anything to protect her or make her happy. Instead, she is the one causing her sadness.

She hopes Clarke is not feeling as exhausted and sad for not being with her as she feels. She stupidly hopes Clarke doesn’t miss her as much as she misses her. She promised Abby that she will do anything to keep Clarke happy but she is not.

The silence is filled with unsaid words. Clarke doesn’t know why but she feels like Lexa understands her silence just as she does and somehow it makes it less weird and more comfortable.

It has been occurring rather frequently the last two weeks, Lexa would be doing something and Clarke too, not essentially looking at their screens but from time to time they would glance at one another and exchange sweet words or just random thoughts.

Lexa loves these moments, she would feel Clarke’s presence even if it is just on a screen. They give her the opportunity to observe Clarke’s gestures in her daily life, and it makes her unconsciously smile. She likes to see Clarke focused on painting, or watch her cook while she would act as if she is hosting a cooking show for her making funny comments about the taste or smell.

Everything about Clarke made Lexa fall in love with her all over again.

“ _Quand je te regarde, tu me manque encore plus parce que je réalise ce que je rate n’étant pas avec toi_ " (When I look at you, I miss you even more because I realize what I’m missing not being with you) Lexa finally breaks the silence and Clarke’s heart cracks.

“ _Je ne sais quoi dire, Lexa,_ ” (I don’t know what to say, Lexa,) Clarke replies sadly “ _J’ai l’impression que je…que je te rends malheureuse. C'est égoiste de ma part, je n'aurais pas dû rester ici"_ (I feel like…like I’m making you unhappy. It’s selfish of me, I shouldn’t have stayed here).

" _Pas du tout, mon amour. Tu ne me rends pas malheureuse. Bien au contraire, t’es mon bonheur, ma joie…l’amour de ma vie,_ " (Not at all, love. You don’t make me unhappy. On the contrary, you’re my happiness, my joy…the love of my life) Lexa says with a reassuring smile.

“ _et je ne l’aurais pas accepté que tu sacrifie encore une fois pour quelqu’un d’autre, ce n’est pas mon intention de te faire culpabiliser. C’est juste que tu es trop belle, et je t’aime et tu me manque et tu me taquine avec ton charme, c’est tout,_ "

(and I wouldn’t have accepted that you once again sacrifice for someone else, it is not my intention to make you feel guilty. It's just that you're too beautiful, and I love you and I miss you and you tease me with your charm, that’s all,) Lexa tries to explain.

“ _Mais tu n’es pas juste quelqu’un._ _T’es mon amour…tu es ma Lexa,_ " (But you're not just someone. You’re my love ... you’re my Lexa,) Clarke interrupts her girlfriend before she continues.

“ _T’es mon tout, j'espère que tu le sais,_ ” (You’re my everything, I hope you know,) Lexa replies.

Clarke smiles at Lexa for a moment then adds, “ _Je ne crois pas que je pourrais attendre plus, Lexa. Je pense à te rejoindre de plus en plus. Attends ne m’interrompe pas !_ _C’est juste pour quelques jours_ " (I don’t think I could wait any longer, Lexa. I keep thinking of joining you. Wait, don’t interrupt me! It's just for a few days)

“ _Clarke! Je serais en voyage_ ” (Clarke! I’ll be travelling) Lexa lets out hoping that Clarke won’t ask her about the details.

" _Quoi?_ " (What?) Clarke looks confused “ _où?_ _Et pour combien de jour?_ ” (where? And for how many days?)

“ _En Asie mais je ne sais pas pour combien de temps,_ " (In Asia but I don’t know for how long,) Lexa lies, partially. Clarke is silent and Lexa feels her heart aching for disappointing her.

" _Je suis désolé mais je te promets que quoi qu’il arrive on passera noël ensemble, je prendrai deux semaines de congé_ ” (I'm sorry but I promise you that whatever happens we’ll spend Christmas together, I’ll take two weeks off).

Clarke tries to recollect herself, she needs to be strong for the both of them. “ _T’as intêret,” (_ You better do,) Clarke warns her forcing a reassuring smile.

“ _Je t’aime,_ ” (I love you,) Lexa replies blowing a kiss to Clarke, “ _la prochaine fois rappel moi de te chipé ton parfum_ ” (next time remind me to steal your perfume).

“ _Tu n’en aura pas besoin,_ ” (You won’t need it,) Clarke laughs, “ _la prochaine fois je ne te laisserai pas partir sans moi_ ” (next time I won’t let you leave without me).

Lexa’s heart melts at Clarke’s words. It feels amazing to be loved by the person who owns your heart, Lexa feels lucky and finally happy to be with Clarke even if technically they are not ‘ _together_ ’.

She doesn’t know how she is going to do once she is in Paris, how is she going to avoid facetime with her despite missing her? How is she going to resist the temptation to see Clarke knowing that she is a few miles away?

Lexa takes a deep breath to gather her strength before putting an end to the video call, “ _Chérie, je dois vraiment raccrocher”_ (Darling, I really need to hang up).

Clarke pouts dramatically pursing her lower lip down. Lexa feels her heart melting at the endearing grimaces and faces Clarke keeps on pulling her. She wants to cup her girlfriend’s face and kiss her pouting lips to comfort her alas it is not possible yet all she can do is use her words.

“ _Arrête, tu rends les choses plus difficile avec tous ces gestes adorable. Si je veux être avec toi je dois travailler, être adulte,_ " (Stop it, you’re making things harder with all these adorable faces. If I want to be with you I have work and be an adult,) Lexa whines.

“ _D’accord, mais tu me fais signe ce soir une fois rentrer,_ ” (Alright, but let me know when you get home tonight,) Clarke asks Lexa with a sultry voice.

Lexa smiles, “ _Il sera quasiment trois heures du mat chez toi_ ” (It’ll be nearly three am).

Clarke shrugs " _Je veux_ -" (I want-) She says but then stops flashing an embarrassed smile at her screen seeing her mother getting back in the living-room.

" _Qu’est-ce que tu veux, Clarke_ ?" (What do you want, Clarke?) Lexa asks hastily.

“ _Oh mon Dieu, pas maintenant les filles_!” (Oh my God, not now girls) Lexa hears Abby saying and instantly feels her cheeks warming. She looks at Clarke mortified hoping that she would tell her mother that it’s not what she thinks but the blonde is giggling.

“ _Clarke, je dois raccrocher,_ ” (Clarke, I’ve to hang up,) She blurts out.

“ _Non, attends…c’est juste-“_ (No, wait…it’s just-) Clarke lets out between giggles but before she says anything else, Lexa ends the call and falls back on her bed hands hiding her face.

She keeps putting herself in embarrassing situations with Abby and Clarke and now she questions her new found friendship with Abby. Lexa laughs nervously against her hands, maybe it’s not a good idea to befriend her girlfriend’s mother. ~~Maybe,~~ it’s absolutely not a good idea, it’s the worst.

However, Abby is not just a friend to Lexa she is more than that. She is the closest to a mother figure for her, not in the affectionate way – _Abby is the strict parent and Jake was the affectionate one_ – but by being her confident and support while taking hard decisions.

Lexa is startled by the buzzing of her phone, she sits on her bed and grabs her phone. It’s a message from Clarke.

_**Crazy Princess:**_ _**J’veux te faire une démonstration portant ma lingerie fine et peut-être un petit plus (;**_

I want to make you a demonstration wearing my lingerie and maybe something more (;

Lexa bites her lip at the text, Clarke is such a tease.

_**Lexa: Tu vas causer ma mort. J’ai hâte de voir le plus!** _ _**Je t’aime** _

You’re gonna be the death of me, can’t wait to see the extra! Love you

**France; Griffin’s houselhold;**

**Living-room;**

“ _Pour te taquiner_ ” (to tease you) Clarke finishes her sentence but it seems that Lexa already hanged up. “Mom!” She whines.

Abby laughs, “Don’t blame me, I just love how easily she gets flustered. It’s adorable how she blushes and stutters easily. It reminds me when she was a kid”.

Clarke smiles feeling her heart warming at hearing her mother talking so sweetly about the woman she loves. She takes her phone and texts Lexa then Abby joins her on the couch and opens her arms for her to cuddle. Clarke happily scoots closer, she needs her mother’s comforting arms even if she is an adult.

“I miss her,” Clarke confesses in a sad tone and Abby wraps her arms tighter around her daughter rubbing her back soothingly, “I know!”

Clarke stays silent in her mother’s arms for a moment then her phone chimes, she reads Lexa's answer and chuckles. Abby smiles, glad to see her daughter happy.

“She loves you,” Abby states and Clarke’s eyes light up.

“I’m thinking about moving to the US,” Clarke says hoping her mother won’t freak out.

“What?” Abby lets out confused and Clarke moves away from her mother’s arms enough to face her.

“I love her, mom. And I’m not sure I can do this anymore….a long distance relationship, we’ve been separated for way too long’” Clarke explains and Abby nods in understanding.

“I’m not going to lie, I was wondering how you two are able to stay away from each other. I remember when me and your dad started dating we barely managed to stay away from one another for a day,” Abby reminisces and Clarke smiles happily. Her mom never liked to talk about her father and it was mainly the reason they drifted apart after his death.

“but I don’t want you to make a hasty decision just because you miss her. This is your life Clarke, and if it was an easy decision to take, you could have done it when she left and not wait until you miss her,” Abby says hoping to kick some sense in her daughter.

“It’s not a hasty decision,” Clarke replies.

“Clarke! I don’t want to rain on your parade but the last time you made a decision with your heart..” Clarke interrupts her mother before she continues, “It’s different, she is the love of my life and you know it”.

“Alright, but you should give her time to settle things between her and her brother. Don’t be selfish, Clarke. You know if you go there and rub the fact that you’re happier with his sister on his face, it will only irritate him and Lexa will be his punching bag,” Abby explains and Clarke’s eyes well in tears.

Abby doesn’t move even if she wants to take her daughter in her arms and comfort her, she needs her to think with her head and realize the consequences Lexa will have to face if she ever move to the USA now while things are still tense between the siblings.

As much as Clarke hates to admit it, Abby’s words make sense. She is being selfish, Lexa cares about Finn and a lot. He is the only family she has left and yet she lost him. And she – _Clarke_ – is the reason why. Her heart aches feeling guilty for what happened between the siblings.

She moves back into her mother’s arms for support. She cries because she can’t be with Lexa now and it is partly because of her.

“What have I done?” Clarke lets out between sobs.

**Woods’ office building; Lexa’s office;**

Lexa gets to work feeling better than the day before. The talk she had with Abby helped her a little bit adding to it the lovely conversation she had with Clarke despite the embarrassing way it ended. It always cheers her up when she begins her mornings with Clarke.

She is not surprised to find Anya and Raven already waiting for her next to her private elevator. She doesn’t miss the way Raven is leaning too close against Anya’s body.

“Morning,” Lexa says looking at her best friends with a smirk.

Both Raven and Anya smile contently at her before greeting her back and stepping into the elevator with her.

“How are you?” Raven asks first as the elevator’s doors close.

“I’m fine,” Lexa answers reassuringly and Anya asks again, “Are you sure, you’re never late!”

“Yes, Anya. I’m…good really!” Lexa replies again not wanting to explain the reason of her delay.

“I’m sorry for what happened yesterday, Lexa! I didn’t know he was coming-“ Raven starts apologizing when Lexa interrupts her, “It’s fine, Raven. It’s actually a good thing”.

“What?” Anya lets out confused, just yesterday she told her that she won’t even consider talking to him or calling him.

“Yeah, I’ll call him today and ask him to come. We’ll see what he has to say,” Lexa explains.

“That’s…good, isn’t it?” Raven asks utterly confused before stepping out of the elevator and following Lexa and Anya.

“I don’t know,” Lexa says, “for all I know he may threaten me with something else or accuse me of something new”.

“I don’t th- I…let’s hope he won’t,” Raven quickly corrects herself not wanting to defend Finn again because he really fucked up.

Anya sits comfortably then Raven joins her and sits close to her and her hand lands on Anya’s thigh. Lexa bites the inside of her cheeks to not laugh and make them uncomfortable and she barely manages to hide her amusement. It’s new and different, she is not used to see them clinging to each other like that.

“Thanks for the dinner, it's been a long time,” Lexa comments.

"We should do it again," Raven suggests.

“Yeah, we should,” Anya adds enthusiastically, feeling happy that things are getting slightly better for them.

“Give me a minute,” Lexa says before answering the phone call of her secretary informing her about the available flights to Paris.

“Yes, just one…no! One way…as usual first class yes…thank you!” Lexa says and both Anya’s and Raven’s eyebrows shoot up looking at her. Just as she hangs up, Lexa sits on her chair and smiles shyly.

“Leaving already?” Anya is the first one to break the silence.

Lexa looks at her guiltily and nods. “Yeah, I’ve to be there for a few things,” She explains.

“What about Finn?” Anya asks worried.

“As I said, I’ll ask him to come tomorrow morning,” Lexa replies.

“Do you want us to come?” Raven suggests and Lexa shakes her head. “No, thanks. It won’t be necessary”.

“Alright,” Raven nods, “but just so you know, we’re here if you need us”.

Lexa smiles gratefully at her friends, “I know, thank you”.

The minute her two best friends leave her office, Lexa takes her phone and calls Finn. She doesn’t want to waste time, she doesn’t have much of it before she is leaving to France and she wants to know what he has to say. She needs to know because she can’t leave not knowing what he has in mind.

**Later that day; Lexa’s bedroom;**

Lexa did her best to finish her work with Anya and her staff early so she can talk to Clarke as she promised her. She takes a quick shower before putting on her pyjamas and gets in bed. She texts her first to see if her girlfriend is still awake and she is not surprised when her mac displays an upcoming video call from Clarke. Lexa’s heart melts seeing her girlfriend still awake.

“ _Bonsoir, mon amour,_ ” (Good evening, love,) Lexa says smiling at her screen happily.

“ _Enfin,”_ (Finally,) Clarke lets out.

 _“Désolé de t'avoir fait attendre._ _J’ai dû tout revoir avec Anya avant mon depart,"_ (Sorry for keeping you waiting, I had to see everything with Anya before my departure,) Lexa explains.

 _“C’est pour demain?”_ (It’s for tomorrow?)

 _“Oui,”_ (Yes,) Lexa replies.

 _“Alors je te retiens pas trop,”_ (Ok, I won’t keep you long,) Clarke says almost with a pout and Lexa quickly shakes her head. _“T'en fais pas, en plus une fois partie je ne pourrai pas te parler donc je veux en profiter tant que je peux"_ (Don’t worry, in addition once I leave I won’t be able to talk to you so I want to enjoy it as long as I can).

 _“D’accord!”_ (Alright!) Clarke replies _“Donne-moi une minute, j'ai quelque chose à te montrer,"_ (Give me a minute, I have something to show you,) Clarke adds before disappearing from the screen.

Lexa bites her lip excited to see what she promised her this morning. When Clarke comes back, Lexa’s jaw drops. She stands far enough to be visible and shows Lexa her matching black lingerie. Lexa feels herself getting hard when Clarke does a flip to give her a complete view.

A sexy black bra which hugs perfectly Clarke’s generous breasts and doesn’t leave much to the imagination as it is made of see through lace and the same goes for the booty shorts which defined the swell of Clarke’s buttocks.

 _“Lexa! Qu’est-ce que t’en pense?_ _Ça te plais?”_ (Lexa! What do you think? Do you like it?) Clarke asks seeing that her girlfriend is silent.

 _“T’es…t’es trop belle. Putain, non t’es trop sex,”_ (You’re…you’re so beautiful. Fuck, no you’re so sexy,) Lexa blurs out shifting uncomfortably in her bed and Clarke giggles.

 _“Merci. Tu veux voir plus?”_ (Thanks. Wanna see more?) Clarke asks sexily and Lexa nods first then realizes that she needs to give her a proper answer, “ _Oui, s’il te plait!_ ” (Yes, please!)

“ _Cette fois accorde-moi cinq minutes,_ ” (This time give me five minutes,) Clarke says before leaving again. Lexa takes the opportunity and pushes her sheets away feeling too hot and positions her screen looking upper so Clarke won’t notice her bulge.

Lexa tries to not let her mind wander too far while waiting for Clarke because she knows she might get fully hard and in their situation her girlfriend can’t do much.

However, Clarke is determined to tease her more. She comes back with a black corset with red stripes, black garter belt, thighs high stockings with lace top and a matching thong.

 _“C’est de la pure torture de te voir dans ce string et ne rien pouvoir faire,”_ (It’s pure torture to see you in this thong and be unable to do anything,) Lexa confesses feeling herself hardening in her shorts, she discreetly readjusts her hard-on.

 _“Si tu peux faire pleins de choses”_ (Yes you can do a lot of things).

Lexa tries to ignore Clarke’s answer and says, _“J'espère que t’as pris de photos pour moi”_ (I hope you took pictures for me).

“O _ui, mais il faut les mériter,"_ (Yes, but you must earn them,) Clarke shurgs.

Lexa chuckles, _“Et comment?”_ (And how?)

 _“Une fois tu me fais jouir,"_ (Once you make me cum,) Clarke boldly answers biting her lip.

 _“Comment suis_ _-je censé le faire d'ici?”_ (How am I supposed to do it from here?) Lexa asks blushingly and Clarke shifts uncomfortably not knowing how to paraphrase what she has in mind.

Lexa in the other hand feels uncomfortable and somehow embarrassed at not having any experience with such things. _“Je..emm…je ne crois pas que je peux le faire!”_ (I ... em ... I don’t think I can do it!) Lexa lets out uncomfortably.

 _“Tu n’as jamais..”_ (You never….) Clarke asks confused and Lexa shakes her head, _"Non”_ (No). making Clarke smiles mischievously.

 _“Il y a un début à tout,”_ (There’s a beginning for everything,) Clarke says moving her hands to her back to take off her corset and Lexa’s heart jolts.

 _“Clarke!”_ Lexa breathes out, _“Ce n’est pas vraiment ce que je veux”_ (It’s not what I really want).

 _"Tu ne veux pas que je l’enlève?"_ (You don’t want me to take it off?) Clarke asks taking off her corset and Lexa’s hand unconsciously goes down and Clarke doesn’t miss it.

“ _Si mais-_ ” (Yes but-)

“ _Mais quoi, Lexa?_ ” (But what, Lexa?) Clarke asks trying to make Lexa participate.

 _“Mais je veux le faire moi-même"_ (But I want to do it myself) Lexa replies feeling her heartbeat racing.

 _“Lexa! Tu fais quoi?”_ (Lexa! What are you doing?) Lexa turns crimson red and takes her hand away, she shifts in her bed and doesn’t reply.

 _“Non, t’arrêtes pas s’il te plait !"_ (No, don’t stop please!) Clarke lets out hastily but seeing that Lexa didn’t move she adds, _“Fais le pour moi, Lexa”_ (Do it for me, Lexa).

 _“Tu veux vraiment que je me touche, là tout de suite ?"_ (You really want me to touch myself, here right now?) Lexa asks a little bit confused and uncomfortable. She has never masturbated in front of a camera or done something like that.

 _“Oui,”_ (Yes,) Clarke simply answers - _how can she say no to her_ \- and Lexa complies placing her hand on her hard-on and starts slowly stroking herself. At the same time, Lexa watches Clarke lowering her hand between her thighs then she interrupts, _“Lexa, je veux te voir”_ (Lexa, I wanna see you).

Lexa blushes and readjusts her screen so Clarke can see better the resumes for a moment before Clarke again, _“nue”_ (naked) Lexa hesitates for a moment but then she decides to give her girlfriend what she wants. She pushes her boxer briefs down and frees herself.

Lexa keeps taking requests from Clarke not finding it in her to refuse. After a few minutes, Clarke takes off her thong too and her fingers take the same pace inside her as Lexa’s hand on her cock.

Lexa gladly let Clarke take control first but as soon as she started feeling comfortable, she drove Clarke crazy with her words. Clarke became a writhing mess and came before Lexa. The sight and sound of Clarke cumming was enough to drive Lexa to the edge and not long after Clarke, Lexa climaxed and fell on her bed smiling happily at her screen. ‘ _It is new, uncomfortable at first but totally worth it_ ’ Lexa thinks to herself. She wouldn’t mind trying it again with Clarke if they are far away from one another.

Of course, it’s nothing compared to feeling and touching Clarke for real but at the same time it’s intimate to share and open up to her in that way – _it’s harder for Lexa, she has to use words instead while she is really not good with them_ – shamelessly masturbating and talking dirty with her, letting out all her naughty thoughts. She felt exposed, raw, vulnerable and naked of course, yet she felt safe.

Safe because it is Clarke, the woman she loves, the woman who owns her heart and soul. Lexa even relishes at the feeling of finally having someone with whom she is comfortable enough to let down all her walls and forget all her insecurities. Yes, she had Costia but she never was able to give her as much as she is giving Clarke. Costia helped her but it was hard for Lexa to let her in but with Clarke it’s different. It doesn’t feel hard and it comes naturally, she trusts her.

Being the first one to incite Lexa in having a sex video chat and succeeding in making her cum makes Clarke blissful. She feels lucky and jealously proud to have Lexa the way no one ever had her. Lexa threw away all her masks and let down all her walls for her and only her.

 _“Maintenant, il faut que tu m'envoie les photos,”_ (Now, you have to send me the pictures,) Lexa says smiling at her screen. " _Je pense que je les mérite, non?_ ” (I think I deserve them, don’t I?)

Clarke laughs, she completely forgot about the pictures and finds it endearing that Lexa impatiently asks for them while she had much better. Lexa feels her heart jolt in her chest at the sound of Clarke’s laugh. _“J’adore t'entendre rire,”_ (I love to hear you laugh,) She lets out softly.

Clarke stops laughing and looks dreamily at her screen when Lexa speaks again _“J'ai toujours aimé ton rire...je pense je te l’ai déjà dis dans une de mes lettres, non?”_ (I always liked your laughter…I think I’ve already told you, right ?)

Clarke smiles lovingly at her and nods, “Oui” (Yes) She replies reaching for her phone to keep her promise.

 _"Ce fut la première chose que j'ai remarquée, j'aimerais pouvoir t’expliquer à quel point t’étais mignonne et magnifique…tout ce que j’espère est-"_ (It was the first thing I noticed, I wish I can explain to you how cute and beautiful you was…all I hope is-) Lexa confesses but then she stops not knowing if it is the right thing to do. To share with Clarke her hope, of course it is but she doesn’t know if it’s the right timing.

 _“Qu’est-ce que t’espére, Lexa?”_ (What do you hope, Lexa?) Clarke wants to know what Lexa has in mind, she doesn’t want her to hide behind her walls once again.

Lexa remembers Abby’s words and boldly says, _“J'espère vraiment qu’un jour on aura des enfants qui te ressemblent"_ (I really hope one day we’ll have kids who look like you).

Clarke’s breath hitches and her heart skips a beat. Lexa wants to have babies with her, kids who look like her. If Clarke ever had any semblance of doubt or fear concerning their love, Lexa just wiped it off.

 _“Clarke!”_ Lexa almost begs waiting for her to react but Clarke is speechless and her eyes are watery. _“Ce n’est pas important…si tu n’en veux pas._ _Je te veux toi, juste toi et c’est suffisant”_ (It doesn’t matter ... if you don’t want any. I want you, just you and that's enough).

Clarke shakes her head tears spilling down her cheeks, _“Non, Lexa j’en veux._ _Je les veux moi aussi….plus que tout,”_ (No, Lexa I want it. I want them too...more than anything,) Clarke replies, _"Je croyais que tu ne voudra jamais d’enfants”_ (I thought you’d never want kids).

 _“Je veux les tiens. Nos enfants”_ (I want yours. Our kids).

 _"Je t’aime,”_ (I love you,) Clarke lets out wiping her happy tears and Lexa replies with a sad voice, _“Je t’aime moi aussi”_ (I love you too) Her heart aches she wants to be with Clarke, she wants to kiss her, she wants to take her in her arms but she can’t.

Lexa feels her heart tightening in her chest at the longing she is feeling and the pain she feels watching Clarke’s tears without being able to hold her in her arms. She needs to do something and soon because she doubts she can handle it. She doubts she can endure the distance anymore.

Lexa watches Clarke silently taking off her lingerie and puting her pyjamas before laying back on her bed. She smiles adoringly at Clarke when she sees her yawning and says, “ _Je ne veux pas raccrocher_ ” (I don’t wanna hang up).

Clarke chukles, _“Mais tu dois le faire, mon amour._ _T’as besoin de repos”_ (But you have to do it, love. You need rest).

 _“J’ai besoin de_ ** _toi,_** _”_ (I need **you,** ) Lexa says after propping her head on her hand looking at her screen.

 _“Ok, on raccroche pas alors!”_ (Ok, we don’t hang up then!) Clarke says replies with a goofy smile.

They spend almost half an hour pillow talking before Clarke falls asleep leaving Lexa alone, staring at her screen wishing she could feel Clarke breathing in her arms.

**Next morning;**

Lexa wakes up with a smiles on her face and even before her alarms goes off. Her smile grows wider when she sees her mac still open remembering last night. It can’t be compared to the feeling of sleeping in Clarke’s arms but this is the best she can get now and it is still makes her giddy. She remembers how good and happy she felt sharing with Clarke something she never did with anyone else.

She can’t believe she finally had the guts to tell Clarke that she wants to have kids with her. She felt the happiest person alive when Clarke expressed the same wish. Just the thought of it made her heart flutter with joy, she wonders how it would feel when it gets real.

‘ _What would Clarke look with a tiny baby bump? More adorable, if that’s possible. What will she crave? Sweet food or salty one? God no, pregnant women usually crave weird things! What would our baby look like? Hopefully like Clarke’_ Lexa says to herself smiling.

 _‘Would I be able to bond with my baby? What if I can’t? I’ll need to take a leave the first few months so I can bond with him. God! I know nothing about babies, pregnancy and how to raise babies! I need to read about it…I need to know everything there is to know…I’ll start reading as soon as the drama with Finn. Fuck! Finn!’_ Lexa’s face falls remembering that she needs to wake up and get ready.

Unfortunately, Finn is unmistakably on time which doesn’t please Lexa that much today. She is not eager to face him even if she knows that she has to do it in order to leave without having something bothering her and fearing that he may do something in her absence.

As soon as, they get in the living-room Lexa asks, “Do you want anything to drink…except alcohol?” Finn smiles nervously at her, “No thanks”.

Lexa awkwardly gestures for him to sit seeing that Finn is still standing. It is weird, frightening and sad how in an overnight the closest person to her is a stranger, who she needs to invite him to sit.

Lexa tries to not overthink about what happened between them to avoid feeling emotional, to avoid _feeling_. Her demeanor is stiff and guarded just as she always is with strangers. Finn doesn’t miss it and it only makes him even more nervous.

He sits and looks at her but his words fail him. All the things he wanted to tell her first before getting into the topic are long forgotten. He feels a little bit destabilized by her piercing look, he kind of knows this look but it never was directed to him and he feels like he is in the wrong body.

When Lexa raises her eyebrow and her jaw tenses, he takes it as a cue to start talking before she regrets and kicks him out again, “Before we say anything else and before I screw up and you kick me out. I need you to know that I didn’t know about Azgada”.

Lexa looks at him unfazed and doesn’t say anything waiting for him to continue.

“Ok,” Finn lets out seeing that Lexa is not willing to comment and she is giving him the opportunity to talk he resumes, “You hurt me, Alex more than anyone-“ Lexa grits her teeth seeing that she is going to hear the same speech again as she had in France and before he finishes she interrupts him.

“Finn! I’m not doing this again,” She stands up but Finn is quick enough to grab her wrist, “Wait, please hear me out Alex. I can’t talk about work without clearing what I have in mind and letting you know how I feel first, please!”

“I know how you feel,” Lexa lets out coldly freeing her wrist from his grip harshly before sitting back.

“No you don’t,” Finn says, “I was wrapped in my pain and jealousy, still am, I don’t know why but it’s hard, suffocating, and deep down I knew I was being unfair but the pain is greater that’s why-”

Lexa interrupts Finn once again, he is making sense and just stating facts but he is wrong. “I know how it feels believe me, it’s exactly how I felt each time I saw you with her,” Lexa’s gulps, “yet I chose you”.

“I know, it doesn’t excuse the way I treated you, I know you’ll never forgive me and I doubt I’d find it in me to do the same for the pain you inflected. I know, nothing is going to be the same ever again, we can’t pretend it’s…it’s obvious just the way you’re looking at me is proof enough and maybe I can hide it but it is here inside me but I wish you could at least understand that I never meant to hurt you, never intentionally”.

Lexa blinks her unshed tears away, she can’t let down her walls so easily. She can’t trust him.

“It’s completely contradictory to the way you behaved. Words are just…words, Finn. You can’t say things like that then do the exact opposite and expect me to believe you”.

Finn averts his eyes not finding the strength to look into Lexa’s fierce and accusing eyes. He could see the pain in them and it is hard enough for him to admit and assume the consequences of his behavior and seeing it in her eyes adds another level of guilt which he can’t handle.

Seeing that it is taking the same turn it has the last time they talked heartedly, Lexa decides to stop it. She doubts she can handle another emotional talk which will only make things worse if it is even possible.

“I think we should talk about why you’re here. About your decision concerning the shares,” Lexa clarifies and Finn ignores it.

“I can understand why you lied even if I don’t think I’d have done the same. I wouldn’t have been capable to hide my emotions and I doubt I’d be ok to see you getting married with the woman I love”. Lexa shuts her eyes close bracing herself for what she may hear next.

“but what I don’t get, and what hurts the most I think, is that you never really trusted me. I thought I were your person, you know your friend, your brother your family that you can tell me everything but you never did. You never told me her name, not even in our stupid letters we kept exchanging. We said a lot but you never talked to me about Costia either and when I came home I felt like a stranger to you”.

Finn looks back into Lexa’s eyes and asks, “why?”

Lexa is speechless, she doesn’t know what to tell him. She doesn’t know how to explain the reason why she jealously kept the details of her life back in France. At that time no matter how good memories she had there, the bitter and last memory was the greater one and she couldn’t talk about it.

After a moment of silence, Finn takes a deep breath and adds, “I shouldn’t dwell about the past, I’m sorry but it made me think if you ever trusted me”.

“I did. I don’t know how to explain but I never was good with words or expressing my feelings. You know that. It has nothing to do with trust”.

“That’s true,” Finn acquiesces, “do you think that we can move past this?”

Lexa takes a deep breath and shakes her head, “I don’t know, it depends!” Finn frowns and then Lexa elaborates, “it depends on how we are going to treat one another from now on”.

Finn nods. “Alright, I hope we will. Do you want to say anything? You haven’t really said much about how you feel”.

Lexa tenses, “I don’t think it’s necessary, Finn. I’d rather you start talking about what you have decided concerning the shares, I don’t have all day”.

“Alright, I don’t have a lawyer anymore and I’m not looking for another one. I’m hoping you give me another chance…so we can find a middle ground without using lawyers”.

Lexa looks away, she can’t tell him _‘Yes’_ because she doesn’t want to admit that his words got to her and she doesn’t know how to trust him so she can’t just say ‘ _Hell no’_ either.

“You’re here, aren’t you?” She finally lets out’ “what do you want to do?”

“The reason why I wanted to sell the shares is because I don’t think I’ll know what to do if I become officially part of the company,” Finn confesses, “and I don’t think I can be around…you and Clarke!”

Lexa looks at Finn comprehensibly, she knows what he is talking about, “So you’re selling them?”

“No,” Finn replies. “I was hoping you would suggest something smarter,” He smiles anxiously at her.

Lexa thinks a few seconds then says, “You don’t want to be part of it and you don’t want to sell them, I can’t suggest anything unless you know what you want”.

Finn stands and walks to the window staring thoughtfully at the gardens where his heart broke a few weeks ago. He hesitates to tell her what he has in mind because she is not really receptive, and she didn’t react as he was expecting when he told her about the way he felt. He hoped she would understand his pain and somehow he stupidly thought she would forgive him but Lexa kept a cold demeanor.

“Finn?” Lexa lets out feeling impatient.

“What will be the right thing to do?” Finn asks and Lexa raises her eyebrow and he quickly corrects himself, “I mean do you prefer that I sell them so you won’t have to see me? Or do you want me to be there and ruin your company and hard work?”

Lexa frowns confused ‘ _Is he really asking me that?_ ’ and when she sees that he is waiting for her answer she realizes that indeed he is serious.

“Why would you ruin the company?” Lexa asks not sure she understands where he wants to get.

“Alex! I have no idea about the thing you do and I don’t think I can handle wearing suits like you,” Finn gestures at her.

“You think I’d let you ruin my work?” Lexa lets out offended, “if you start with us, you’ll only observe at first. You won’t operate overnight”.

“You still didn’t tell me about the first option! What if I sell them?” Finn asks.

“Are you threatening me again?” Lexa asks back.

“No, I just….” He huffs then says, “If you think that I’m threatening than it’s probably not a good thing for you if I sell them. So that’s it….we have our middle ground”.

“What? What do you mean?” Lexa asks afraid that he might want to revenge and sell the shares.

“I join and you teach me everything about-“ Finn suggests but Lexa interrupts him, “That’s not gonna happen, Finn. I’ll have someone to supervise you”.

“No, I’d rather have you as…sort of teacher! Who knows the company better than you? No one,” Finn argues.

Lexa thinks for a moment then nods, “Ok, you have it. I’ll be your mentor but if you ever-“

“I won’t,” Finn interjects knowing where it was going.

“Alright, anything else you want to say?”

“Yes, actually,” Finn replies “The company's name has to change! Something like Collins’ Woods”.

Lexa lets out a mocking chuckle, “That’s impossible. Not until you prove yourself! You have to work for it, to do something, to make a positive change in the company then we’ll get there”.

“Of course,” Finn walks uncomfortably to the sofa where he joins her.

“Anything else?” Lexa again asks.

“I don’t know! Maybe later but not right now,” Finn says “so how do we do? I come tomorrow and you introduce me to everyone as your partner and we go from there!”

Lexa avoids his eyes before answering, “Not tomorrow. I’ll be travelling!”

“Ok, looking to expand the business?”

“It’s not work related,” Lexa awkwardly replies.

“Clarke’s birthday,” Finn lets out knowingly and Lexa’s eyes widen. “Right?”

“Yes,” Lexa replies and Finn smiles weakly at her, “I’d have done the same if we were-”

“I hope we can keep Clarke out of this,” Lexa gestures, “out of our work and drama because I love her too much to-“

“Alex please!” Finn interrupts her, “I don’t think I can do this yet…hearing you talking about her,” He explains not meeting her eyes and Lexa looks down feeling guilty. No one can understand what he feels more than her, “I won’t drag her into anything”.

“I’m sorry,” She lets out in a barely audible voice and Finn feels his heart aching.

“Thank you,” Finn replies appreciating the sincerity in her voice, “I think that’s it, we talked about the most important things”.

Lexa nods and Finn stands and walks a few steps before Lexa follows him. “Thank you for coming,” She says and extends her hand for him to shake.

Finn looks down at Lexa’s hand for a moment then Lexa lets it fall at her side thinking that Finn won’t shake it. Her reaction brought him back from his thoughts and instead of extending his hand he steps closer and hugs her.

Lexa stiffens, this is not what she was expecting. She is not ready to forgive him, to trust him or act like there is no hard feelings between them but then when he speaks, Lexa’s strength breaks.

“I’m sorry for not being a good brother, for how I feel and how I reacted. I’m sorry for what happened to us”.

Seeing the lack of reaction from Lexa and that his embrace was unwelcomed and unanswered, Finn steps back.

“Call me when you’re back and I can start,” Finn says before leaving.

The minute Lexa hears Finn’s car driving away, her tears stream down her face. She couldn’t reciprocate, she wanted to. She wanted to just forget about the pain and the words he said to her and wrap her arms around him but she couldn’t even if this is what she wanted to happen when she faced him back in France.


	18. Chapter 18

**France;**

Lexa’s flight has been the longest one she ever had or it may just be her imagination and the fact that she misses Clarke, and France. One does not go without the other in Lexa’s mind anymore. The architecture in Paris alone gives Lexa a sweet feeling of belonging and safety, something close to be called home and for a good reason Clarke is her home.

She met Clarke in France. She became her best friend and her world as a child. Then, she met the “ _USA Clarke_ ”, this one as beautiful as she might have been and as tempting as she was, she was not the Clarke Lexa loves the most – _she was not her Clarke, hers_ – and once again she was reacquainted to her in France and Clarke became not only her home but her whole universe.

It is safe to say that Lexa has confused feelings. She is happy to finally be in the same country – _neighborhood_ – as Clarke but she is so sad that she cannot be with her. She knew it is going to be a challenge but expecting something and feeling it is something else. All her heart wants is to run to Clarke and hug her tightly enough to ease a little bit the missing, but her mind is telling her no because of all her plans.

Thus, Lexa did her best to make a busy schedule waiting for Abby’s days off. Her first day, she tried to have some rest and sleep but she could not so she went out shopping and looking for the art supplies she wants to gift Clarke on her birthday. The ones she wants to fill Clarke’s art room in ‘ _their’_ future home, hopefully which will be also part of the surprise but unfortunately she did not buy anything because if she does she cannot keep everything in her hotel.

The second day, Abby was finally free and they agreed to meet in order for Lexa to visit the house she came for, take the next step and finally get it ready. Or, at least the best she can do to make it look homie, especially the art room in the time she will have left before Clarke’s birthday.

She waits impatiently not far from the Griffin’s household hoping to have a glance of Clarke somehow when Abby leaves but the blonde is nowhere to be seen. The only thing that keeps her from crossing the street and seeing Clarke, is knowing that she will be busy the whole day getting **_them_** a place of their own.

She greets Abby with a warm hug, the old woman smiles happily at the gesture knowing how Lexa is not really into affectionate gestures – _or so it was_. It means a lot if Lexa willingly takes her in her arms. She rubs affectionately the brunette’s back before pulling back.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Lexa says with a smile and Abby’s heart warms.

“Happy to see you back too”.

“How are you?” Lexa asks politely.

“Good. Tired but good. What about you? How was the flight?” Abby asks back.

“Long,” Lexa quickly answers before adding, “How is Clarke?”

Abby smiles at Lexa, “I thought you guys talk everyday!”

“I had to lie and tell her that I’m on a business trip and that I can’t talk to her as much as we’re used to. I just texted her that I landed safely,” Lexa explains.

“Well, she’s doing fine. She misses you’” Abby concludes remembering her daughter’s mood which makes sense now.

Lexa blushes and feels her heart aching, she misses Clarke too and it is hardly bearable ‘ _I miss her too’._

“Alright let’s get going, the estate agent is waiting’” Abby says hooking her arm around Lexa’s.

Lexa wanted more than anything to visit the place Abby sent her pictures of but she was hoping to first have the chance to sit down with her, talk to her about what she is going to do and ask her something that has been in her mind since the last time she was here in France but she never found the courage to do.

“I thought it’s only later today!” Lexa exclaims.

“Lexa, if we wait another day we may lose that house. And believe me, I like it more than any other I’ve visited so far. I’m sure you’ll like it too,” Abby explains in a serious tone and Lexa decides to not question the old woman once again.

They end up meeting the estate agent, a woman who was more interested in checking out Lexa than to sell her the house. Lexa was oblivious at the beginning because she was used to it and she never really paid attention.

On the other side, Abby did not like it. She tried to keep Lexa away from the woman’s claws and it is only then that Lexa understood what was happening and why Abby was weirdly clinging to her.

Lexa examined the house carefully while Abby’s eyes were on the estate agent, watching her every movement.

“ _Pouvez-vous nous accorder un moment?_ ” (Can you give us a moment?) Abby asks the estate agent who gives her a fake smile and nods before leaving.

Abby looks back at Lexa who is trying to picture the place furnished and full of Clarke’s touches which will make these walls a home and not only a cold house then asks, “So? What do you think?”

Lexa looks back at her thoughtful, she does not know if Clarke would like the place or not. She hesitates for a moment before answering, “Do you think that’s crazy?”

“What?” Abby looks confused.

“Do you think I should bring Clarke or just wait? Maybe she doesn’t want to commit so soon!” Lexa reflects and Abby rolls her eyes thinking, ‘ _Here we go again_ ’.

“You’re hesitating!” Abby exclaims, “It’s just a place, she doesn’t have to live here right away”.

Lexa is silent and avoiding Abby’s eyes.

“So you’re really buying it for her”.

“No, for _us_ but I don’t want to pressure her,” Lexa replies feeling her cheeks reddening “…I can stay in hotels whenever I’m here. I mean, it doesn’t bother me,” _Lie_ “I just want us to have a place of our own but what if Clarke doesn’t want it? Or is not ready?”

Abby smiles at rambling Lexa, “She would like the art room”.

Lexa stops and looks at Abby for a moment before saying, “I like the place but I feel like it is not the right one”.

“You want a bigger place!” Abby states as a matter of fact.

“I…yeah but it’s not just that!” Lexa says looking at the window.

“What is it then?”

“I just feel like it is too…too small! I mean there is not even a courtyard”.

“It’s not your mansion and nothing like your property but you-“

“I know,” Lexa sighs in defeat, “I just…I don’t feel like it is the good one for….me,” Lexa answers hesitantly.

“Why don’t you rent a place first then once you know where the two of you are-“ Before Abby finishes her suggestion her phone chimes.

Lexa shakes her head. “No, I want a place of our own,” She says before walking to the estate agent outside to inform her, leaving Abby to answer her phone call.

When the woman sees Lexa coming out of the house alone, she gives her a wide flirty smile.

 _“Alors?”_ (So?)

“ _Je ne crois pas que c’est la bonne,”_ (I don’t think it’s the right one,) Lexa replies.

" _Pourquoi_ ?" (Why?)

" _Parce que ça manque beaucoup de choses,"_ (Because it misses a lot of things,) Lexa explains.

" _Comme quoi?_ " (Like what?) The woman asks with a frown.

 _“Une cour, ou un jardin où les enfants peuvent jouer,"_ (A courtyard, or a garden where kids can play,) Lexa blurs out and the woman’s eyes widen.

 _“Vous avez des enfants avec Dr.Griffin?"_ (You have kids with Dr.Griffin?)

“ _Quoi? Non. Non!_ ” (What? No. No!) Lexa replies quickly.

"Vous en voulez :" (You want some:) The woman concluded and just as Lexa is about to answer Abby joins them.

“Did you tell her?” Abby asks and Lexa nods.

“ _Si vous voulez je peux vous montrer une maison plus spacieuse avec une cour afin que vos future enfants peuvent_ -" (If you want I can show you a more spacious house with a courtyard so that your future kids can-) The woman says before Lexa interjects “ _Oui, aujourd’hui si possible_ ” (Yes, today if possible).

“ _D’accord. C’est un peu loin de la ville mais c’est plus calm_ ” (Alright. It's a bit far from the city but it's calmer) The woman looks at Abby waiting for her to answer.

“ _Tu veux une cour pour **nos** future enfants?_” (You want a courtyard for **our** future kids?) Abby asks Lexa with a raised eyebrow playing along.

To say that Lexa is blushing is an understatement. It looks like her face and ears were painted red and she can’t even hide it or reply. She finds herself stuttering for the longest seconds in her life between a yes and no in English before Abby takes pity on her and looks at the estate agent replying, “ _Oui. Allons y!_ ” (Yes. Let's go there!)

Lexa follows Abby silently until they get in her car. She hesitates to speak for a moment not knowing what the right thing to say is after what just happened. They talked about it and Abby told her that she should ask Clarke’s opinion on the matter.

And even if she did talk to Clarke about it and she knows Clarke wants kids too in a foreseeable future, she doesn’t know what Abby really thinks about it.

“You really want kids, don’t you?” Abby breaks the silence and the last bits of confidence left in Lexa.

“I…we talked about it,” Lexa simply replies then seeing that Abby is silent she adds answering her question, “Yes, we do”.

Abby doesn’t say anything, she keeps driving following the estate agent’s car. Lexa shuts her eyes close feeling like Abby does not really approve.

“I love her and I can wait and if she ever changes her mind. I’ll never-“ Lexa starts again but then Abby interrupts.

“Don’t try to explain, Lexa. I know you love her, I know that she loves you too but I don’t think Clarke is aware of what she’s doing. She keeps taking hasty decisions, maybe it doesn’t seem hasty for you because you’re in love but kids change your life. Extremely…they take your life the first months, years and it is not easy, especially with your careers on the stake”.

Lexa tries interrupting Abby to reassure her that it is not for now that they will wait for the right time but Abby is not having it, “Let me finish first. You’re still stuck with Finn and your company, Clarke is not back to work yet without mentioning that you live in two different continents. She’s the best thing that happened to me and Jake. Y,es but it was difficult for us to be good parents and succeed in our careers”.

Even if deep down Lexa doesn’t want to hear that because it is only ruining her mood and her hopes, she can’t help agreeing with what Abby is saying. It is the bold truth of reality that love is blurring for her.

“…you should be focusing on solving what’s keeping you apart. Focus on building your relationship and learn how to be with one another, live with one another first as two functioning adults and maybe think about marriage **then** you should think about having kids,” Abby finally stops after all what she said finally giving Lexa the opportunity to say something.

“That’s why I’m trying to get a place here, to be with Clarke’” Lexa lets out’ “you’re right, I guess I’m overwhelmed by love…I want everything with her and soon because I have nothing yet”. Lexa’s voice wavers before she continues, “and I feel like we lost so much time already. We got robbed our chance to be together, all these years”.

Abby feels sorry for them, she knows what Clarke has been through but she doesn’t know how was it for Lexa especially after remembering that she had no one. She can understand but it doesn’t eclipse her words and her reasoning. She needs to be the one pointing the obvious when the two women are far too blinded by their love to think clearly.

“I’ve never stopped loving her and that’s maybe why it doesn’t feel rushed for me. I don’t know for her but I know that if I had to choose between my career and Clarke or our kids, our family I won’t hesitate for a second,” Lexa says in a more confident voice.

Abby could sense the defensive tone in her voice, “I don’t doubt that, Lexa. I’m just doing my job here…being the parents you two need”.

Lexa’s heart breaks thinking that Jake wouldn’t have approved of her decision.

“What do you mean?” She lets out in a hurt voice.

“I mean I don’t want my grandkids to-“ Before Abby finishes Lexa asks again, “Do you think Jake wouldn’t have approved of us? Of me?”

“It’s not what I meant. Of course, he would. He loved you as his own daughter. I do too, Lexa. But I know he wouldn’t have agreed on you two rushing your relationship and wanting kids before you two are even married”.

Lexa squeezes her eyes shut feeling like all the joy and excitement of what she was doing is vanishing. She wanted to ask Abby if Jake would have given her his consent to marry his daughter one day but Abby clearly beat her to it by bringing it and it does not sound really a positive reply.

“So what you’re saying is that I shouldn’t want kids with Clarke now and that Jake wouldn’t want us to marry or-“ the words choke in her throat.

“God! No. That’s not what I am saying. Jake would want you to be happy and yes he would want you to marry but not before your lives are more…stable?”

Abby puts her hand over Lexa’s shoulder trying to comfort her just after pulling over arriving to their destination but the brunette can’t help the sigh escaping her lips.

“Let’s go get you a big place,” Abby says encouragingly but Lexa is clearly not in the mood anymore.

“Would Jake give me his consent to marry Clarke if he were alive?” Lexa asks refusing to meet Abby’s eyes.

“Yes,” Abby simply replies feeling a little bit guilty for tempering Lexa’s excitement.

“Are you sure?” Lexa insists again.

“Absolutely,” Abby reaffirms with a warm smile.

Lexa leaves Abby’s car looking like a beaten puppy. She barely inspects the place and this time she does not picture Clarke and a future in it. She just looks around while her mind is elsewhere. She is not as decisive about it as she was when she came two days ago.

Abby feels the need to cheer Lexa up. “Is it like you want it?” Lexa barely looks at her and shakes her head negatively without even thinking about it.

“Alright, do you want to visit another one?” Abby asks again and Lexa shakes her head.

“What do you want?” Abby asks confused.

“I don’t know anymore,” Lexa blurts out, “I feel like every time I try to do something I really want and every time I feel like I can finally be happy, something comes up”.

“I’m sorry for ruining your mood but I don’t want you to regret anything…you both are adults and I shouldn’t have worried-“ Abby says before being interrupted by estate agent.

“ _Alors, qu'est-ce que vous en pensez?_ ” (So, what do you think?)

Both Abby and Lexa look at the woman speechless not knowing what to say. Abby regrets for not talking with Lexa before coming and only doing it while visiting while Lexa feels like she should not have asked Abby’s help for this.

“ _Dr.Griffin?_ ” The woman tries to make Abby react.

“ _J’aimerais faire un deuxième tour avant,_ ” (I’d like to do a second lap before,) Lexa replies on behalf after coming back to her senses.

“ _Si vous avez des questions n'hésitez pas!_ ” (If you have any questions don’t hesitate) The woman says.

“ _Merci,_ ” (Thank you,) Lexa replies politely before looking back at Abby again. She waits for the estate agent to give them some space before talking again.

“Having your blessings means a lot to me, more than anything because you are the closest thing I can have as a parent. All I ever had was a father and not the most caring one. I had a mother but I never got the chance to know her,” Lexa smiles weakly with watery eyes “So you and Jake have been…the parents I never had and your opinions matter to me, more than you can imagine. But I’d never give up on Clarke,” Abby feels her heart tightening at Lexa’s words. She did not mean to ruin her mood or make her doubt. She just wanted to warn her that it is not the best time to bring a baby into the relationship that is barely one.

“I love Clarke and I’ll marry her. Maybe not this month, not next year but it’s going to happen one day. I don’t know when yet, and I don’t even know if she’s going to say yes but no one is going to keep me from her,” Lexa adds before letting out a deep breath and looking expectantly at Abby, waiting for a comment or something.

Abby smiles at Lexa and pulls her in a comforting embrace before replying. Lexa felt her walls crumbling down, she was feeling alone against the world. She was terrified at the idea to lose Clarke and what can she do when even Abby is against her? But Abby’s arms around her were all she needed, a support a comforting reassuring support that she is still her friend then came her words which made her feel slightly more confident than earlier.

“You know I care for you as much as I care for Clarke, right? You both are my daughters and Jake would be more than happy to see you marry and have kids. I can’t wait to meet my grandchildren too but I’d rather wait and see you two happy and doing the right thing first,” Abby says both her hands on Lexa’s shoulders.

Lexa smiles at Abby feeling a little more confident than before. “Thank you. Thank you for everything”.

“Come here,” Abby pulls her back in her arms again. Lexa can’t help the tears slipping down her cheeks from relief and happiness because just a few minutes ago she was thinking that Abby and Jake would not want her to marry Clarke.

Then Abby adds, “Since the place you’re going to buy will be my grandchildren’s home, I think I’ve a say on this especially that Clarke is not here”.

Lexa lets out a chuckle and wipes her tears, “Of course!”

“Well, I think we can find a better place,” Abby shrugs giving Lexa a reassuring smile.

“Yeah me too,” Lexa acquiesces.

“Then let’s see if we can find, the one,” Abby replies taking Lexa’s hand in hers and pulling her out of that place.

They spend the day looking for a better place but it seems that they can’t find the one. The estate agent tells them that tomorrow or in two days she can show them a few other places that might interest them. Lexa has no choice but to agree hoping that the woman will find something good enough the soonest possible so they can deal with everything in no longer than a week.

**********

The third day, Lexa calls Costia to make sure that she still works in the same restaurant so she can pay her a visit. Costia is more than happy to know that she is back in France again but she was a little bit wary to see her especially after the awkward meeting she had with Clarke. She doesn’t want to cause any trouble between the two women.

**The restaurant; afternoon;**

Much to her surprise, Lexa finds Costia already waiting outside the restaurant for her. Indeed, she managed to take the afternoon off just for Lexa. She wanted to spend some time with her. She missed her friend.

Lexa stiffens in Costia’s arms first when the redhead engulfs her in a big warm hug but she quickly relaxes in her arms and wraps her own arms around Costia.

“I missed you so much,” Costia lets out once she lets go of her friend. “I miss home,” She adds with a pout.

Lexa chuckles, “We missed you too”. The ‘ _we’_ Lexa uses warms Costia’s heart instead of the usual pain it brings her.

The ‘ _we’_ Lexa uses is the one Costia always wanted to hear and as much as she heard it before when they were together, it never sounded as genuine as today. Costia is happy to finally feel somehow part of the family even if it is no longer the one she knew, she left behind.

She is happy and she is moving on that much she knows. She still loves her friend but she knows Lexa would never be what she wants her to be and she already knows that she was never hers in the first place.

Now that she is not focused on wanting more of Lexa and expecting more of her. The brunette seems to feel less pressured and more caring and less distant. Lexa doesn’t need to hide anymore, she no longer keeps her in a relationship where she is the only one working for.

“How are you? How is everyone?” Costia asks excitedly.

“We’re fine,” Lexa lets out politely and Costia gives her a knowing look. After all their lives are in complete chaos lately.

“We’re fine, Costia. Don’t worry,” Lexa reassures her friend who smiles back at her.

“So, did you have lunch?”

“No, I was hoping to meet you over a lunch in there,” Lexa points out behind Costia’s back at the restaurant where she works.

“No! Not today. I’m having the afternoon off. I’d rather we try something else,” Costia says before hooking her arm around Lexa’s and walking away.

Lexa follows Costia’s lead silently, listening to her crazy adventures in her new world and all the things she learnt and how tough the competition is. Costia spends all their way to the restaurant talking. Lexa doesn’t mind, she likes to see Costia that way, she always had. What is better than to hear someone talk passionately about something they love?

The only time Lexa speaks is to ask her, ‘ _Do you still take cereal for breakfast?’_ and Costia shrugs as a reply making Lexa laugh.

“In my defense! I’m too tired and I don’t have enough time in the morning to have something else”.

“Don’t even try, Cos! You still are a baby,” Lexa quips.

“It’s my ‘ _péché mignon’_ and I don’t feel ashamed,” Costia lets out and Lexa chuckles at the way Costia sounds in French. “Alright! I was just asking because last time you told me your favorite is hard to find here in France and I brought you some”.

Lexa takes the bag she had with her and hands it to Costia whose eyes bulge in surprise. “Thank you,” She lets out excitedly making Lexa laugh again.

“Enough talking about me and ‘ _ma vie’._ How are Anya and Raven?” Costia adds proudly.

“You still sound American but it’s good,” Lexa comments before answering her friend’s question. “They are fine,” She repeats “They’re dating”.

“Raven is dating? That’s-”

“No, they are dating each other,” Lexa interrupts with a grin knowing that it is going to surprise Costia.

“They? Like together? Like Anya is Raven’s girlfriend?” Costia asks confused and Lexa cannot help the amused smile on her face nodding positively. Costia chuckles shaking her head in disbelief, “I’d never see it coming!”

“It took them long but they finally are together,” Lexa comments.

“At least not as long as you and Clarke”.

Lexa blushes and nods, “Yeah, no one can dethrone us for this one”.

“How are things by the way?” Costia asks knowing that a long distant relationship and their situation with Finn might be challenging and tiring.

“Except for missing her all the time, it’s good,” Lexa replies with a goofy smile.

“Good luck with that!” Costia says knowing that it is not easy to love someone and not being with them.

“But you’re here now,” The redhead adds.

Lexa nods sadly, “I’m here but I haven’t seen her yet”.

“Oh,” Costia lets out confused not understanding why Lexa haven’t seen Clarke yet. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, it’s…alright. I came for her birthday and I want it to be a surprise,” Lexa explains.

The two friends order their lunch as soon as the waiter came to them. Then, Lexa resumes talking about what she has planned to do for Clarke’s birthday. Costia suggests to go buy the art supplies after their lunch and keep them in her place for when she needs them. Lexa happily agrees feeling blessed to still have Costia’s friendship even after their breakup.

Despite being happy for Lexa, Costia couldn’t help feeling jealous or more like envious that Clarke is the one who got to know Lexa as a lover, a real one.

“She’s lucky,” Costia blurts out and Lexa feels bad. She shouldn’t have talked so much about Clarke to Costia and ignore her feelings.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“ Lexa squeezes her eyes shut feeling stupid.

“Hey, hey! It’s fine, Lexa. Really. I’m happy,” Costia quickly interjects putting her hand over Lexa’s to get her attention.

“I’m stupid,” Lexa whispers and Costia chuckles. “No, you’re not. You’re just in love”.

Lexa opens her eyes and looks into Costia’s eyes finding only sincerity and kindness in them. She takes a deep breath before smiling gratefully at her friend.

“I never meant to hurt you or lead you on,” Lexa says shaking her head. “I hope that you will forgive me one day”.

Costia looks silently at her friend, at her ex-girlfriend for a moment before replying, “It hurt, yes. A lot at first but then…my life became busy, new country, pursing my dream and I realized that the break up was not the worst part”.

Lexa frowns not knowing where it is going and Costia continues, “...the worst part was being with you and knowing that you could never love me…” Lexa’s heart cracks feeling guilty for her friend’s pain, she looks away not meeting her eyes, “…the way I loved you. But it’s fine now. I know that I’ll find my Clarke too and love her the way you love Clarke”.

Lexa looks back at Costia guiltily, “She will be a lucky woman”.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just want you to know that I’m ok. I’m happy,” Costia smiles at her before the waiter comes back with their food.

Lexa is more than happy about the waiter’s timing. Half way through their lunch, her phone chimes. She takes a look and sees that it is just a text from Abby and decides to read it later.

“Clarke?” Costia asks with an amused smile.

“No, she doesn’t know I’m here remember”.

“Yeah, right,” Costia chuckles nervously wondering if Clarke told Lexa about their meeting which was mostly about her.

Just as they fall into a friendly chat, Lexa’s phone rings again and it is not Abby. It is an unknown number, Lexa excuses herself and leaves to pick up the phone call. It is the estate agent who found something that might interest her. She agrees with her on the place where they could meet and hangs up.

When she checks Abby’s texts she finds out that it is a warning that she gave the woman her number so she can tell her about the place she found and she informs her that if she needs a car she can borrow hers. She quickly types a reply asking Abby if she would like to visit the place with her.

Lexa comes back to the table feeling a little bit shy to cut short their lunch, “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting”.

“Don’t apologize I’m in good company,” Costia replies taking another bite from her lunch and taps the bag containing her favorite cereals and Lexa chuckles.

“Good to know that. It was the estate agent I need to meet,” Lexa says in a beat then looks at Costia waiting for her reaction.

“Oh! That is…you’re moving to Paris?” Costia’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and Lexa nods happily.

“Hopefully. I haven’t found the right place yet,” Lexa comments, “She called to show me another place”.

“Now?”

“Yeah!” Lexa nods.

“Alright, then go,” Costia simply shrugs.

“Thank you, I promise I’ll make it up to you”.

“Of course, you will. Just call me when you’re free,” Costia says.

“I will,” She promises.

She goes to Clarke’s neighborhood and just as she takes her phone to call Abby she sees a man walking in the Griffin’s doorway to knock. She hangs up and waits to see who he is because she cannot help thinking about one of Clarke’s friends she does not like.

Clarke opens the door and smiles at her friend, Lexa feels her heart aching but it does not stop her from smiling. Her Clarke, the love of her life is across the street but she cannot reach for her. She misses her so much and seeing her smile but not being able to kiss her smile is really taking a toll on her.

Her heart pangs from jealousy when the man gets in and Clarke greets him with a friendly hug. She bites her lip and looks anywhere but at Clarke because it is only making it harder for her to wait. She wants to cross the street and see her Clarke, kiss her and take her in her arms but she can’t. Instead, she takes her phone and calls Abby to let her know that she is waiting for her outside.

A few minutes later, Abby comes out of the house. Lexa feels uncomfortably jealous knowing that someone else is with Clarke while she misses her so much and cannot even see her yet.

Abby greets her and as soon as they get in the car and before Abby starts off her car, Lexa asks, “Is it Wells?”

Abby looks at her for a moment then nods with a smile knowing that Lexa might be jealous, “Yes”.

The brunette looks down at her hands fidgeting nervously at the hem of her jacket, “Do you trust him?”

Abby looks at Lexa surprised, she understood that she is jealous but she was not expecting Lexa to ask her such a question.

“Yes, I guess. If Clarke trusts him, why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, I never really liked him,” Lexa confesses.

“Of course. He was into Clarke for so long…even after you left,” Abby replies and her words act like a bullet shot straight into Lexa’s heart.

“Is he single?” Lexa asks again and Abby feels like it is an interrogatory.

“Yes? No? I don’t know. Clarke isn’t,” She says trying to reassure Lexa.

“She wasn’t and it didn’t stop him from going after her when we were young”.

“Exactly, you were young!” Abby points out, “what did I tell you yesterday?”

Lexa doesn’t reply, she keeps silent. Thoughtful. ‘ _Can it be him?_ ’ She asks herself when Abby nudges her.

“Sorry!” Lexa poorly apologizes “you were saying?”

“I said you should focus on you and Clarke only,” She reminds her and Lexa nods.

Abby drives to the real estate agency where she finds the woman waiting for them. Lexa is thoughtful and not really optimistic about what she has told her concerning the place that might interest her. Abby tells her to give it a chance, to visit it then take a decision.

Lexa finds the house small but then the estate agent shows her the backyard and Lexa’s eyes bulge. It is not only the house the estate agent wanted to show Lexa but the spacious backyard where she can build another house if she wanted to.

“That’s interesting,” Abby comments seeing the backyard. Lexa looks at Abby and smiles, “I think I just found the one”.

Abby smiles happily. “It’s true from the outside it doesn’t look welcoming but you can always modify it”.

“Yeah, it really looks just a small place,” Lexa agrees.

“ _Votre sourir présage une réponse positive, n'est-ce pas ?_ " (Your smile presages a positive reply, doesn’t it?)

Lexa looks at the woman and nods, “ _Oui, j'aime bien l'arrière-cour._ _Elle me donne plus de possibilités_ ” (Yes, I like the backyard. It gives me more possibilities).

“ _Exactement_ ” (Exactly).

“ _Est-ce qu'on peut avoir le dossier de diagnostic technique?_ ” (Can we have the survey reports?) Lexa asks.

“ _Cela va de soit. J’ai tout dans mon bureau_ ” (Of course. I have everything in my office).

“ _Et pour ce qui est du prix?_ " (And what about the price?) Lexa asks.

“ _On en parlera une fois au bureau et je dois parler au propriétaire"_ (We'll talk about it once in the office and I have to talk to the owner).

Lexa nods and follows the woman outside where she finds Abby talking on the phone apparently with her notary informing him that they may need his services soon.

As fast as Lexa’s smile came after seeing the backyard, as fast as it sank after hearing that the owner is travelling and would not be back in France until Sunday and will only meet her on Monday.

Abby suggests that she keeps looking and that maybe she will find something and start with the process sooner instead of waiting for this one but Lexa refuses saying that she knows it is the one, the one for her. For them.

**Woods office building; USA;**

Raven is really surprised to receive a phone call from Finn. A phone call from _her_ _Finn_ , _their Finn_. The old one asking her politely to have lunch with him saying that he needed to apologize and talk to her.

First Raven was sceptic about the idea, still feeling angry and tired of all the drama between him and Lexa. She doesn’t want to have another conversation with him where they will probably end up arguing but then when she focused on his voice, she recognized him. Something that have not happened for a while lately.

Barely half an hour after his phone call, Raven receives a text message from him saying that he is downstairs waiting for her.

**_Raven: Need to finish something first. Come up!_ **

****

**_Finn: It’s fine, I’ll wait._ **

****

Raven looks at her phone and frowns. This is unusual, she calls him but he does not reply so she goes down at the entrance and does not find him either but then she sees the security guard at the entrance talking to him.

“Hey! What’s going on?” Raven asks the two men looking from one to the other.

“Miss Reyes,” The security guard gives Raven a polite nod before speaking again, “I’m explaining to Mr.Collins that he cannot get in the building”.

“Why is that?” Raven asks.

“Strict orders”.

“I’m not in there! I’m outside,” Finn defends.

“Still, you’re disturbing the entrance,” The security guards explains.

“What the hell!” Raven exclaims, “Who gave the orders?”

The man looks at Raven and before he can answer, Finn does, “Alex did”. Raven looks at Finn then back at the security guard who gives her a barely noticeable nod as a confirmation.

“Now, would you please move from the way”.

“Hey, calm down. I’ll just go grab my purse and phone and be back and we’ll be out of.the.way,” Raven punctuates.

“It’s fine, Rey. I’ll wait across the street,” Finn says before moving away.

‘ _Fuck’_ Raven lets out nervously. If it was not going to be an awkward lunch, what just happened have changed the heart of it.

Finn crosses the street and watches Raven walk back in the building. The first blow of anger and pain that hit him hard is quickly dissipating. He was not expecting to be treated that way by Lexa. Yes he knows they are not in good terms, she barely tolerated him the other day and she did not even reciprocate the embrace he gave her but he was not expecting to find that Lexa gave strict orders to keep him away.

He knows that she is angry and hurt. He also knows that it is going to be a long road and a hard thing to win her trust back if he ever can and he knows there are a lot more he is going to put up with to face Lexa’s anger.

But being refused the entry of the Woods office building is not a thing he could have imagined Lexa would order. After all, he is part of the company now – _not officially but soon_ – and being refused even the entry is humiliating.

Just as he is wondering he sees Anya coming in his direction, he straightens his position and tries to hide his feelings that are a mess by now.

“Hi,” He lets out as friendly as he could.

“Hi. What are you doing here?” Anya’s voice is sharp and not so friendly. It throws him off guard.

“I…mmm waiting for Raven?” He answers in a questioning tone. Anya doesn’t say anything and Finn feels somehow obligated to elaborate, “We’re going for lunch”.

“Oh. Alright. I should get going then,” Anya replies but before she can step away, Finn calls for her, “Wait, Anya”.

“Wanna join us?” Anya looks back at him hesitatingly. Finn thinks that she might say yes but then she shakes her head, “No, thanks”.

“Did you know?” Finn can’t help asking.

“What?” Anya asks back confused.

“Alex ordering me out of the company?”

“Yes,” Anya answers in a beat and Finn looks away for a moment then before she leaves he asks again, “Is it because she is not here or is it-“

“We both know why,” Anya interrupts him then adds, “Enjoy your lunch”.

“Thanks,” Finn replies.

When Raven is back, Finn flashes her a grateful genuine smile. She is again the only friend that gives him a chance to talk or the benefit of the doubt. She is the only one again sticking around even when she is mad at him.

Surprisingly, the lunch goes well. Finn took the initiative and reassured Raven that he won’t bring anything from his drama to the table and apologized for ruining their night the other day.

Finn was well aware of Raven’s efforts and the chance he had, the chance she was giving him. He was nervous and the tension was palpable at first because he tried to control himself and not spill out his feelings or ask about Lexa or worse the incident that happened at the Woods office building.

Raven did not comment on his apologies. She did not want him to think that she forgives him everything he has done and become that easily. She let him speak first then seeing that their discussion became light and just a friendly one she decides to just forget a moment about the tension between them and it was nice talking to him again without arguing with him.

**_Later that day;_ **

Raven is eating when she hears a knocking on her door. She doubts that it is Anya because when Lexa is absent, Anya barely exists for herself. She left her in the office still going through some paper work that needed to be done and she has not told her that she will come to her place.

The only other possibility is Finn but Raven does not think that he can come hang out with her again. At least not so soon because the lunch they had was awkward and enough for a day. There was no way Finn would add to it. They both will need some time before having another meeting.

“Anya!” Raven lets out confused but happy nonetheless especially when the dirty blonde wraps her arms around her shoulders and pulls her for a long and steamy kiss.

Just as they part, Raven’s lips curve up in a smile, “You’re beautiful”.

“Aghh I’m exhausted,” Anya says instead nuzzling into Raven’s neck.

“If I knew you’d come, I’d run you a bath,” Raven says softly against her hair.

“It’s not late for that,” Anya says before pulling back from her girlfriend’s intoxicating smell and looking into her beautiful eyes.

Raven feels her heart tickling when Anya looks at her like that. In fact, she never looked at her this way. She smiles at her then places a soft kiss on her lips.

“I’d carry you if I can but it’s not happening, come on,” Raven says pulling Anya to the bathroom with her. She runs her a bath and while they are waiting, she does not waist her time and starts making out with her girlfriend and undressing her.

“Get in with me,” Anya asks her and Raven places a chaste kiss on her lips, “No, I’m going to heat you some leftovers”.

“Don’t. I’m not hungry,” Anya replies before getting in the bath. Raven sits on the edge of the tub and starts massaging her neck. Anya lets out a moan and the brunette chuckles, “You like it?”

“Mmm,” Anya replies closing her eyes and relaxing more in the tub.

Raven wants to tell Anya about her lunch with Finn but prefers to not ruin their mood. They fall into a comfortable silence exchanging lazy kisses until the water becomes cold forcing them to finally leave the bathroom.

Anya takes Raven’s fresh clothes and puts them without protesting which is unusual. She is not the kind of person who does that. Raven is still surprised that Anya came to spend the night at her place.

When Anya finishes drying her hair she hops on Raven’s bed and taps it lightly next to her gesturing for her girlfriend to join her but Raven doesn’t comply.

“Are you sure you don’t want to eat something?”

“No, I’m not hungry…just tired,” Anya tucks herself in the bed further.

“Ok,” Raven lets out before joining her on the bed. Anya lets out a content moan, happy to finally relax in Raven’s bed and in her arms. The silence is somehow heavy, filled with unsaid words.

Raven is happy that Anya is with her, she wants to tell her ‘ _It’s nice having you here_ ’ but she doesn’t want to rush things and she doesn’t want to scare her away. So instead she decides to spill the bean.

“I saw Finn, today”.

“And?” Anya lets out unfazed.

“We talked,” Raven replies then adds, “He apologized and said he missed me, missed hanging out together”.

Anya feels jealous, she keeps silent for a moment then blurts out, “You miss him too, don’t you?”

Raven thinks for a moment before answering, “No” Anya pulls back enough to look into Raven’s eyes questioningly.

“Somehow I got used to him here! Or maybe the opposite, I got used to him away,” Raven explains making her smile. Anya feels somehow relieved and leans up and gives Raven a peck on the lips before placing her head back on her chest and falling asleep.

The next morning, Anya wakes up with a smile on her face. It had not happened to her for a while now. She feels comfortable and good when being with Raven and she is happy that the brunette have not made a comment about her coming over to her place whereas her apartment is closer than Raven’s from work.

After a few minutes, Raven finally stirs awake and whines when she notices that she is staring at her. Anya chuckles happily and wraps her arms tightly around Raven and pushes her hair from her face.

“Morning,” Anya says and Raven just whines disapprovingly again.

“Did you sleep well?” Anya asks and the brunette only nods.

“Alright, I need to leave early to get some clothes from my place,” Anya says and before she leaves the bed Raven stops her, “Wait!”

She turns and looks at her expecting her to say something else but Raven pulls her back in the bed with her and holds her tight in her arms.

“Stay, no one will notice that you have the same clothes you wore yesterday”.

Anya smiles at the way the brunette is cuddling her. “No, but I want to put something else,” She replies sinking back in the bed.

“And I want to have a few more minutes with you before you disappear in the office”.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Anya promises almost in a whisper.

“Dinner?” Raven asks and Anya shakes her head, “I’ll be late for dinner, a bath maybe?” She suggests instead with a smirk.

“Maybe if you’re lucky enough,” Raven replies straddling Anya and showering her skin with kisses. The soft kisses turn into needy ones leaving a panting Anya under her and when Raven starts undressing her, the blonde stops her.

“I really need to go and if we start anything, I won’t-“ Anya’s words are interrupted by Raven’s lips on hers again.

“I know, just a few minutes. You slept on me yesterday and I…I miss you,” Raven confesses blushingly.

Anya’s heart melts at the words coming from Raven, she cups her face and kisses her lovingly, “I missed you too. I’ll try to make it earlier tonight”.

**France; Lexa’s hotel room;**

Lexa gets in her hotel room feeling down. All she tries to do, fails and this is not a feeling she is really accustomed to. She takes a shower, puts on her pajamas and checks her emails. Except for one email update from work, she finds nothing.

She lies on the bed and stares at the ceiling thoughtfully. How is she going to do for Clarke’s birthday? Everything she wanted to do is not ready yet. She still has a little bit of hope to at least get the house but there is so much left to do. She has not bought the art supplies yet. Where would she keep them once she buys them?

She takes her phone and video calls Clarke hoping that she will answer her and that she won’t be with Wells. She does not know why she feels so jealous, well she knows but she does not want to dwell on the past. Wells used to have a crush on Clarke and Abby confirmed it saying that he tried to be with her after what happened between them. Lexa can’t help thinking that he might still want to be with her.

_Video call…_

Clarke picks up after the first ring and appears on Lexa’s screen making her heart swell and ache at the same time. Lexa misses her so much and she does not believe it herself the strength she has found to not just go see Clarke after all she is so close.

Clarke is only happy to finally get a chance to see her girlfriend, even if it is behind a screen. It has been the longest four days in her life not talking to Lexa and not hearing her voice the night is harder than she imagined it would be.

“Hi babe,” Clarke lets out first and Lexa feels like someone set fire to her heart. She greets her back with a smile.

“What time is it at your end? You look tired,” Clarke says worried seeing that Lexa has not said anything yet. In fact, Lexa is exhausted and she wants to tell Clarke everything but she would compromise any chance she has left to surprise her.

In addition, she totally forgot about her “ _cover or lie_ ” and that she needed to know what time it is at her end which supposedly is somewhere in Asia before talking to Clarke so instead she blurts out the only truth for she feels and knows right now, “I miss you”.

“I know babe, I miss you too. I miss our conversations even if it’s not enough but at least I had-” Clarke complains.

“I know, I feel the same,” Lexa interjects with a sympathetic smile.

Clarke looks at her screen silently smiling for a moment before speaking again, “I know you just arrived and you don’t have time to video chat whenever you want but I really want to know how long is it going to last this trip because I miss you. A lot. And I don’t think I can wait four days or a week before we speak again”.

“I don’t know, a…two weeks maybe?” Lexa corrects herself.

“It’s too long,” Clarke whines. “How was your day, night?”

“I..exhausting,” Lexa stutters not knowing how to answer without being irrelevant. “I kind of have a day off and I thought maybe I can talk to you a little bit! I hope I didn’t interrupt or-“

“No, no you’re never interrupting,” Clarke says quickly, “I was getting ready to have dinner with Wells and some of his friends he wants me to meet. I can be late,” Clarke shrugs and Lexa’s heart jolts at the mention of Wells.

“Wells again?” Lexa lets out in an annoyed voice and Clarke doesn’t miss it.

“I told you there’s no need to be jealous,” Clarke says with a smirk.

“I…I can’t help feeling like that. I don’t like him,” Lexa confesses and Clarke feels her heart swelling in her chest.

"You’re cute when you’re jealous,” She says biting her lip. Lexa feels her cheeks blushing and hopes that it is not visible.

“I love you,” Lexa says relaxing in the bed, “and I miss you…and I’m-“

“I love you too,” Clarke interrupts her before adding, “I can’t wait for you to be back home so we can talk about something that has been in my mind”.

“What is it?” Lexa asks when Clarke’s phone chimes

“I’d rather tell you once you’re home,” Clarke says trying to hide her excitement but fails to as Lexa could hear it in her voice. Clarke looks at her phone then puts it away looking back at the screen and Lexa takes it as her cue to let Clarke go for her dinner.

“Enjoy your dinner,” Lexa says and Clarke frowns, “No, I’m….not yet”.

“It’s fine, Clarke. I’ll do my best to call you as much as I can, ok?” Lexa asks and Clarke pouts, “Call me tonight?”

Lexa smiles. “I will. Just text me whenever you’re home”.

“Love you,” Clarke says blowing a kiss to her before hanging up.

Later that night, as promised Clarke texts Lexa that she is home and the brunette calls her right away. Clarke tells her about the dinner with Wells and his friends and Lexa listens happily and tries her best to avoid answering Clarke’s questions because she simply does not know how to answer. They spend two hours talking before Clarke dozes off.

**********

The next morning, Lexa wakes up feeling a little bit better than the previous day. She takes her phone and sends Clarke a text before laying back in her bed with a smile plastered on her face. Somehow all her interactions with Clarke even the virtual ones have a great effect on her.

Seeing Clarke’s face and smile, hearing her voice and sharing her feelings with her makes Lexa forget about her worries.

She calls Costia and tells her that she is free to hang out till next Monday in order to keep her promise to make it up for the lunch they cut short due to the estate agent’s phone call.

Costia replies that she cannot leave the restaurant today and asks Lexa to cancel all her plans for Thursday because she is going to spend the whole day with her. Lexa reassures her that she has nothing to do that day and that she will be free.

After taking a long shower, Lexa goes out and spends her day looking for the things she wants to give Clarke on her birthday since the things she planned are not going to be ready. She decides to take some time and enjoy Paris since she is not meeting with the owner until Monday.

Her heart melts when she walks by a baby clothes store. She stops and stares thoughtfully at it for a moment, hesitating to step in or just walk away. She sees some adorable onesies and can’t help walking in to take a closer look at them.

Lexa looks around and falls in love with the small baby clothes. She hardly fights the urge to buy each piece knowing well that it is too early, especially after the talk she had with Abby but then she finds an onesie that she cannot possibly resist because of what is written on it ‘ _J’aime mes mamans_ ’ (I love my moms).

Lexa buys it and leaves the store otherwise she will succumb to the charm of the cute tiny outfits. Just as she is about to leave a pregnant woman walks in with her husband hand in hand and Lexa unconsciously smiles at them. It never happened to her to smile at strangers and it felt nice but weird at the same time.

She shakes her head at her behavior and knows that it has a lot to do with Clarke. She takes her phone and texts her.

**_Lexa: I miss you and I can’t wait to hold you in my arms._ **

Clarke’s reply follows almost instantly.

**_Clarke: Me too <3_ **

**_The day before Clarke’s birthday…_ **

As planned, Lexa spends Thursday with Costia. First, the redhead makes sure to help Lexa choosing and buying the art supplies and rent a car to take everything to her place before spending the rest of the day together, watching movies and mostly talking.

After the meeting she had with the owner, Lexa chooses to not let anyone affect her joy anymore. The man was hesitant seeing that Lexa was not residing in France even if she explained to him that she is willing to settle there and have a family. He did not like the rush she was in and became suspicious because who does that? Buy a place for a girl in such a short notice. Who offers a girl a place as a birthday gift? It is crazy and he told her that he needs to think about it before starting the process.

Lexa does not waste her time and decides to change her plans and just make a surprise for Clarke showing up at her door on her birthday.

However, she fails to wait until that day and shows up at Clarke’s door a day earlier not bearing the missing. She has no motif to wait anymore before letting Clarke know that she is in France and she better use that time and be with her.

That’s how she finds herself standing at Clarke’s doorstep with a bouquet of red roses in one hand and her phone in the other, her heart beating so hard against her chest at the anticipation.

**_Lexa: Babe, open the door._ **

Clarke smiles when she sees Lexa’s name on the screen and when she opens her text she frowns confused. After a few seconds her heartbeat races, her hands start shaking and she barely manages to write down a reply.

**_Clarke: Lexa?_ **

****

Clarke hits the send button and waits for a moment not wanting to assume or imagine something and get disappointed later. ‘ _Is it possible? No it’s not_ ’ Clarke’s thinks. She looks at the door, she has not heard knocking. Just as she stands up to check if it is what she is thinking and mostly hoping her phone buzzes in her hand again.

**_Lexa: Don’t you miss me???_ **

Clarke’s eyes widen, she runs to the door to open it and finds Lexa standing there with a bouquet of red roses in her hand and a smile plastered on her face.

Without thinking Clarke jumps at Lexa making her stumble back and lose her balance for a second before wrapping her arms around Clarke and lifting her up nuzzling her face into her blonde hair.

Lexa’s heart aches in the sweetest way, she is finally holding the woman she loves in her arms. She chuckles happily against her hair, tightening her hold as much as the blonde’s one has around her shoulders.

After a minute or so, Clarke tilts her head back and cups Lexa’s face. She looks at her not believing that she is in her arms again, she showers her face with kisses while Lexa is trying to get them into the house without falling.

Miraculously, she manages to do it and kicks the door behind her with her foot before focusing on claiming Clarke’s lips in a bruising kiss.

The kiss is messy, Clarke is sobbing and Lexa is trying to comfort her. When she pulls back to look at Clarke, the blonde smashes her lips back against hers. Lexa smiles against her lips then deepens the kiss before they finally part.

 _“Salut!”_ (Hi!) Lexa lets out with a smile reaching her eyes while Clarke is caressing her face affectionately.

 _“Hey,”_ Clarke greets back with a smile and asks, _“Je ne comprends pas! Comment?”_ (I don’t get it! How?)

Before Lexa answers Clarke again places a soft kiss on her lips and Lexa feels her heart swelling in her chest.

 _“Je veux être avec mon amour, c’est tout”_ (I just want to be with my love, that’s all) Lexa replies casually looking up into Clarke’s blue eyes.

Clarke’s lips twitch in a smile at her words, she can never get enough of hearing Lexa call her _‘mon amour’_. Lexa walks them further into the living-room before putting Clarke down and giving her the bouquet.

Clarke takes it and fists Lexa’s shirt pulling her back for another kiss, a slower one this time.

Lexa loses herself at first, enjoying Clarke’s soft lips for a moment before pulling back and kissing Clarke’s happy tears then her nose while Clarke’s hand is roaming over her body, feeling her curves getting reacquainted to her.

“Let’s go put them in water," Clarke says taking Lexa’s hand in hers and pulling her in the kitchen with her not wanting to let go of her yet.

“How was your trip? You must be exhausted! Did you eat yet?” Clarke asks in a beat and Lexa smiles at her in lieu of a response.

“What?” She lets out confused.

“I ate yes, and the trip was the longest I ever had but I’m fine,” Lexa replies.

“Do you want to take a nap like last time?”

Lexa smiles at Clarke, “No, I just wanna look at you”.

“Oh,” Clarke lets out, “That’s all you want to do?” Lexa shakes her head and closes the distance between them before stopping an inch from Clarke.

“I want to feel your presence, feel your hands on me,” Lexa takes Clarke’s hands and puts them around her waist.

“I missed looking into your blue eyes,” She cups Clarke’s face in her hands and stares into her eyes before adding, “I want to look at your smile,” Her gaze falls on Clarke’s lips, “want to kiss you” Her thumb caresses Clarke’s lips which are curled up in a smile.

Clarke leans in to kiss Lexa but the brunette tilts her head back, “I want to tell you how much I missed you, how much I love you…I don’t think words can do justice to how I feel”.

“I know,” Clarke reassures her looking into green eyes tenderly, “I feel the same”.

“I also want to breathe you in as weird as it is, I want to realize with all my senses that you are mine-“ Lexa says then corrects, “that you’re here that I’m finally with you”.

Clarke tightens her arms around Lexa’s waist, “I’m yours and you’re mine. Always been and will always be”.

The words tug at Lexa’s heart strings in the best way possible, she looks down at Clarke’s pink lips and whispers, “Kiss me” Clarke does not need to be asked twice, she kisses her lips affectionately trying to communicate the way she feels, overwhelmed with love, happiness and tenderness when with her.

Their lips part but their foreheads are touching, not daring to break away so soon and disturb the warm air between them filled with love. Neither Lexa nor Clarke finds it in them to let go of the other, holding to one another like a lifeline.

“Don’t you ever dare leave again,” Clarke warns.

“I don’t think I can do it again. I won’t. I promise,” Lexa promises despite all the things that are waiting for her elsewhere. She knows she can’t do it again, be without Clarke. She is aware that this time she needs to do things differently to keep her promises.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a nap?” Clarke asks again.

Lexa laughs, “No, I’m fine. Did you have something to do before I came?”

“Yes, but it can wait”.

“What is it?” Lexa asks wrapping her arms around Clarke’s shoulders.

“Actually, it is the thing I wanted to talk to you about”.

“Ok! I’m listening” Lexa says brushing her lips against Clarke’s neck sending shivers down her spine, “No, not now”.

Lexa pulls back “Is your mom here?”

“No,” Clarke laughs, “But she is going to be here any minute”.

Lexa follows Clarke to the living-room hands interlaced, Clarke pulls her on the couch with her and cuddles against her and quickly the stolen kisses and light touches become more.

It feels like coming back home after a long trip. It is warm, safe and cozy. Everything is comforting from the way Clarke’s blue eyes bore into her, to her welcoming smile and to the feeling of Clarke’s breath caressing her skin without forgetting the way their bodies mold into one another.

Clarke loves her like no one ever did before. Lexa melts in her touch, under her light kisses, passionate nipping and completely surrenders to her to the point where they completely forget about the notion of time and the world around them.

When Abby comes back home she does not dare to interrupt, how can she? All she could hear is their whispers and laughs. Her heart warms seeing the two women happy and totally drowned into each other. It is only when Abby gets in her room and closes the door that they realize, they are not alone.

Lexa jolts back from Clarke and looks at her eyes filled with lust and in a panting voice, “Your mom is here” Clarke chuckles replying calmly, “Yeah, I heard her”.

“And your phone is still ringing. Pick up and cancel your plans,” Lexa says boldly.

“I’ll just text him,” Clarke says before grabbing her phone and texting Wells then she looks back at her girlfriend and bites her lip, “Wanna pick up where we left in my room?”

“Your mom is here, Clarke,” Lexa points out.

“Are you sure?” Clarke asks letting her hand down to Lexa’s crotch.

“Yes,” Lexa answers before adding, “but you’re spending the night with me in my hotel”.


	19. Chapter 19

**France; Griffin’s household;**

Lexa is helping Abby to make dinner and this is what Clarke is supposed to be doing too but she is too excited by Lexa’s presence to do anything useful.

It feels like Christmas again, more exactly like the one Lexa spent at the Griffin’s except for a few changes. Jake is not with them anymore, Clarke is not throwing food at her but she is giving her chaste kisses and teasing her whenever Abby has her back turned.

Lexa can’t help thinking about the similarities. Clarke is all too happy having her just like the ten years old Clarke back in the day. Lexa feels comfortable, loved and welcomed as much as she felt that Christmas. It smells as good as in her memories and she feels almost the same butterflies in her stomach as she did whenever she heard Clarke’s giggles.

She feels grateful for Abby’s lack of reaction and teasing despite knowing what is happening behind her back. It makes her feel more comfortable and optimistic and it makes her feel part of the family especially when they talk about something of the past, something Lexa was also part of.

It begins with Abby talking about one of her patients at the hospital who never had chickenpox and got contaminated by a kid two days earlier when he visited the ER for a little injury. She tells them that he reminded her of Clarke when she got them, she was all needy.

**_Year 1997; France;_ **

**_Griffin’s household;_ **

****

****

_It has been a year and a few months since Lexa moved to Paris. It has also been a year and a few weeks since Lexa met her best friend Clarke. Just like any other school day, Lexa finds Clarke waiting for her in their usual spot but there is something different about her._

_Lexa notices that even grumpy Clarke is cute, her cheeks are crimson red and her blue eyes are glistening._

_“Tu pleurais?” (You were crying?) Lexa asks and the blonde shakes her head. Lexa sits next to her but Clarke does not talk like usual, she is silent and she is gesticulating more than usual and Lexa can’t help asking again._

_“Qu’est-ce qui se passe alors?”_ _(What is going on then?)_

_“Quelque chose m’a piqué et ça me démange trop,” (Something stung me and it itches me too much,) Clarke says while scratching her chest over her clothes._

_Lexa looks at her best friend with a frown for a moment then puts her hand on her cheek and finds it burning._

_“T’es toute chaude, t’as de la fiévre,” (You’re hot, you have fever,) Lexa says._

_Again Clarke shakes her head, “Non, j’ai froid” (No, I’m cold) ._

_“Oui, mais t’es fiévreuse, Clark!:” (Yes, but you’re feverish, Clarke!) Lexa insists worrying. She never cared for someone as she cares for Clarke and she can’t help worry when seeing her like this._

_Clarke keeps silent and scoots closer to Lexa for some warmth, her head falls on top of Lexa’s shoulder and her arm around Lexa’s._

_First, Lexa stiffens not liking the proximity but feels sorry for Clarke and ends up wrapping her own arm around her then rubs her back to warm her a little bit before the playtime is over._

_Later that day, Clarke gets home and does not say a word on her way and Jake worries._

_“Tu t’es dispute avec Lexa?”_ _(You had a fight with Lexa?)_

_“Non” (No) Clarke replies._

_“Regarde-moi!”(Look at me!) Jake orders before checking his daughter then adds, "T’as de la fiévre” (You have a fever)._

_“C’est ce que Lexa m’a dit,” (That’s what Lexa told me,) Clarke says before adding, “C’est à cause de ce qui m’a piqué" (It’s because of what stung me)._

_“Où?” (Where?) Jake asks worried._

_Clarke points out to Jake the places she felt the itching, he helps her out of her clothes and then he smiles relieved._

_“Je pense que c’est la varicelle" (I think it’s chickenpox)._

_"C’est grave?” (It’s serious?)_

_Jake laughs, “Non, ma chérie mais pas d’école pour toi demain” (No, honey but no school for you tomorrow)._

_There is no need to mention how needy and exigent Clarke acts after knowing that she is sick. Even if Jake knows that she is exaggerating he did not find it in him to refuse her anything. And later that night, Clarke asks for ice cream and more desert and climbs into her parents’ bed and sleeps there._

_The next day, Lexa does not see Clarke not even during playtime. As soon as the school day ends, she runs to Clarke’s classroom and asks her teacher if she knows anything about Clarke. She tells her that her father called and said that she is sick._

_Without asking permission to her nanny Indra, Lexa goes to visit Clarke feeling a little bit worried about her friend and that she won’t be able to see ever again. She arrives breathless to the Griffin’s door and knocks hurriedly._

_Jake opens the door and a smile appears on his face seeing Lexa but quickly it fades away eclipsed by a worried expression noticing that she still had her school bag._

_“Tu es venue toute seule?”_ _(You came alone?) Jake asks waiting to see Indra or Lexa’s driver coming behind her._

_“Oui,” (Yes,) Lexa replies proudly then asks, "Clarke est malade?” (Is Clarke sick?)_

_“Oui mais-“ (Yes but-) Jake is interrupted._

_“Je peux la voir?”_ _(Can I see her?) Lexa looks at Jake with puppy eyes and his heart melts._

_“Non, ma puce. Clarke est contagieuse” (No, sweetie._ _She is contagious)._

_Lexa barely registers Jake’s words when she sees her best friend behind him waving at her. "Clarke!” She lets out with a lively voice._

_Clarke runs past her father and hugs her happily and despite her discomfort, Lexa hugs her best friend back and her worried face relaxes. Jake does not miss it and it only makes it harder for him to separate the two little girls._

_However, he knows that she is contagious and quickly pushes them apart but they do not really acknowledge his presence._

_“Je savais que tu viendrais,” (I knew you’d come,) Clarke lets out happily before taking her best friend’s hand tugging her inside. Lexa does not move remembering Jake’s words._

_She looks up at him then asks, “Je peux rester avec Clarke quelques minutes?” (Can I stay with Clarke for a few minutes)._

_“Stp, papa. Dit oui!” (Please, dad. Say yes!) Clarke begs him._

_“Ok, mais ne reste pas trop près d’elle avant que j’appelle Indra,” (Ok but don’t stay too close before I call Indra,) Jake warns Lexa knowing that she is the only one who really listens to him and she is the older one._

_He hurries to call Indra to let her know that Lexa is with Clarke and to ask her if she had chickenpox yet or not while the two best friends head to the room._

_When he finally comes back, he finds Lexa helping Clarke easing her itchy blisters and Clarke pointing out the most itchy ones. Jake rubs his forehead realizing that it is too late and that separating the two little girls is a lost battle._

_“Qu’est-ce que je vous ai dit?”_ _(What did I tell you?)_

_Lexa takes her hand away from Clarke and jolts away from her stuttering, “Elle…elle arrive pas à-“ (She…she can’t-)_

_“C’est moi qui lui a demandé de m’aider,” (I asked her to help me,) Clarke explains bravely to her father._

_"Viens avec moi, Lexa!" (Come with me, Lexa!) Jake orders rather firmly and the brunette complies following him to the bathroom where he helps her disinfect her hands before walking her to the living-room and ordering her to stay there to wait for Indra to pick her up._

_Clarke stays in her room feeling guilty for getting Lexa scolded by her father while she was only trying to help her and ease her discomfort and when she hears Indra talking to her father she takes the opportunity and sneaks into the living-room._

_“Merci d’être venue me voir, Lexa._ _Tu es ma meilleure amie,” (Thank you for coming to see me, Lexa. You are my best friend,) Clarke whispers leaning in and kissing Lexa’s cheek._

_Lexa can’t help smiling back at her best friend, “Quand seras tu de retour à l’école?” (When will you be back to school?)_

_“Je ne sais pas. Papa m’a dit dans une semaine peut être” (I don’t know._ _Dad told me in a week maybe)._

_Lexa looks devastated, she gives Clarke a reassuring smile, "J’attends ton retour avec impatience” (I can’t wait for you to be back)._

_Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck and hugs her but Lexa is not really comfortable about not until her best friend whispers in her ear, “Tu vas me manquer toi aussi” (I’ll miss you too)._

_Lexa reciprocates holding Clarke in her arms and two unexpected things happen._

_The first one, she likes the way it feels and it makes her smile. It makes her happy to finally hug her best friend and know that she will be ok and that she will see her in a few days._

_The second one, Clarke is squirming in her arms trying to ease the itching on her back using Lexa’s hands. Lexa giggles and starts rubbing her back just when Jake and Indra gets in the living-room._

_"Oh non, c’est pas vrai!”_ _(I don’t believe it!) Jakes lets out defeated._

**Present time; Griffin’s household**

**Kitchen;**

Both Lexa and Clarke laugh heartedly at Abby’s grimaces when telling them what happened. Lexa remembers that day very well because barely two days later she got the chickenpox too and had to stay home which resulted in not seeing Clarke her best friend for more than a week.

“I blamed Jake for letting you in and his only argument was ‘ _you know it is impossible to separate those two_ ’ I told him what if Clarke had something serious and contagious?” Abby tells them about her argument with Jake after hearing that Lexa got contaminated too.

“He simply said that ‘ _She is going to be the death of her then_ ’ and shrugged and it only made me angrier because he didn’t take things seriously”.

“I don’t remember any of it,” Clarke says with a frown.

“I do,” Lexa replies squeezing Clarke’s hand in hers.

“Thank you for scratching my itchy blisters,” Clarke adds placing a kiss on Lexa’s cheek who smiles contently.

“Now I know he was right. Nothing has changed,” Abby comments looking at them.

“I’ll do anything for my best friend,” Lexa replies looking into Clarke’s blue eyes lovingly and Clarke does not resist the urge to kiss her. She gives her a chaste kiss on the lips and it is enough to make her blush.

“I think I have a picture somewhere. I’ll bring it,” Abby says before leaving the table.

Clarke bites her lip and looks at Lexa whose cheeks are still rosy, “I can’t believe you’re here”.

Lexa cups Clarke’s face and pulls her in for a loving kiss before parting away, “and now?”

Clarke stands and sits on her girlfriend’s lap before adding, “I need more than a kiss to realize that you’re here”.

Lexa closes her eyes trying to not get hard. Having Clarke on her lap and having her beautiful breasts taunting her coming right at the level of her eyes is just a torture. She cannot get hard, hot and bothered with Abby around.

“Later,” Lexa promises placing a kiss on Clarke’s chest then another one on her lips before tapping her hip gesturing for her to move. Clarke obeys but not before leaning down to Lexa’s ear and nipping making the brunette shudder.

Abby comes back with a picture in her hand, she gives it to Clarke who leans closer to Lexa so she can see. Lexa’s heart warms seeing Clarke’s adorable face just like in her memory.

Just like she always envisions their kids would look like, just like she wishes their kids would look like.

“I remember Indra telling me it’s because I disobeyed that I got them too. Somehow I believed her even if Jake explained to me how I can get contaminated,” Lexa tells them.

Clarke laughs and Abby asks, “How is she by the way? Are you in touch with her?”

“Yes, she’s living in New York now. She’s married and have a kid of her own. She sends me Christmas cards every year”.

“She is a good hearted woman”.

“She used to scare me,” Clarke disagrees with her mother’s comment making Lexa giggle.

They spend most of the dinner talking about the past and Clarke feels more than happy hearing her mother talk about her father again with a smile on her face. It has not happened for a while now and it rarely happens.

Abby felt like being reunited with the family once again except for Jake’s absence but talking again about moments that seemed insignificant at that time that are precious moments they shared with him and are now commemorating them made her feel good. Well, at least not as heartbroken as she used to feel whenever she talked about him.

After doing the dishes and going through some old pictures, Clarke goes to her bedroom to take the things she needs to spend the night with Lexa. As soon as she left the living-room Abby looked at Lexa.

“I got a call from the estate agency they wanted to see you today. Why did you refuse to go?” She asks confused.

“It’s her birthday, Abby. And I didn’t want to lose another day without her for nothing,” Lexa replies trying to explain.

“Alright. I’ll see what they need tomorrow before I go to the hospital,” Abby says then adds, “She’s going to spend the night with you, isn’t she?”

Lexa nods and Abby adds, “then bring her back home on time for the birthday party her friends are preparing for her”.

“Wells?” Lexa asks and before Abby replies Clarke walks back into the living-room.

“I’m ready!” Clarke lets out enthusiastically making Lexa blush who has Abby’s eyes on her.

Abby does not need to warn Lexa or say anything at all, Lexa gets the message and gives her a polite nod before leaving.

**Lexa’s hotel room;**

The ride to her hotel was the longest, Lexa can’t help feeling like it is even longer than her flight. It was easier to be patient when she was alone in a plane but it is hard for her to be patient after Clarke’s teasing for hours while looking gorgeous.

The second Clarke steps into the room, Lexa closes the door and pulls her body against hers. She does not waste her time, she assaults Clarke’s neck and the swell of her breast with hot needy kisses. She has been teasing her all day without talking about the sexting and the naughty pictures that made the absence even more difficult.

Clarke quickly takes control of the situation, she flips them over and pushes Lexa against the door. She pushes her hand between their hips and cups Lexa who lets out a throaty moan finally getting Clarke’s attention where she needs it the most.

She smashes her lips against Lexa’s and slides her tongue inside tasting the sweetness of the last glass of wine they had for dinner on Lexa’s tongue. Her lips go down Lexa’s neck, sucking and nipping at her soft skin leaving angry red marks while unbuttoning gracefully her shirt.

When she reaches Lexa’s breast, she lets her tongue love the soft sensitive skin there before unclasping Lexa’s bra and wrapping delicately her lips around her nipple while her hand is taking care of the other. Lexa’s hand finds shelter in Clarke’s hair loving the things her skilled mouth is making her feel.

They make out against the door for a moment, before Lexa takes the lead and walks Clarke to the bed, their lips never detaching and Clarke’s hand does not leave Lexa’s hard on.

Just as she is about to push her on the bed, Clarke again flips them over and pushes Lexa so she is sitting on the bed and then pokes her shoulder asking her to lay down. Lexa complies but props her chest on her elbows to look at Clarke.

Tonight, apparently Clarke is in a controlling mood which is slightly different than what they had so far. Lexa feels both her heart and her cock about to explode in anticipation.

Clarke is looking at her differently. There is lust, love and something stronger she cannot decipher now her arousal is greatly affecting her.

Clarke’s lips curl up in a discreet smile, Lexa’s eyes are begging her. She sits down between her legs and unzip her pants, and starts stroking her delicately first. Lexa’s breath hitches at the feeling of Clarke’s cold hand around her.

“Clarke!”

Lexa begs this time loudly. She wants to feel Clarke, she needs to kiss her and she needs her skin but Clarke is still dressed, she does not take off her clothes and does not let Lexa touch her and it gets on Lexa’s nerves.

“Tell me what you need,” Clarke asks biting her lip.

“You,” Lexa replies.

“What do you need, Lexa?” Clarke takes her hand away and asks more firmly this time sparking Lexa’s arousal even more.

“You, I want to feel you. Your skin, I want to kiss you. I want everything you have,” Lexa replies chest heaving.

Clarke stands up and tugs Lexa’s pants down then her underwears before straddling her and taking off her own shirt and meeting her lips in a searing kiss. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s neck pulling her down on top of her on the bed.

Clarke brushes her lips against Lexa’s neck and takes her back in her hand and starts stroking her again. She smiles against Lexa’s skin when the brunette lets out a dirty moan.

Lexa does not miss it and pulls Clarke up to her again and kisses her before asking, “What are you doing to me?”

Clarke looks into her eyes for a few seconds before giving Lexa an incorrect answer but yet a true one, “I’m making love to you”.

Lexa feels her words reverberating deep inside her, she pulls Clarke up for a kiss like it is their last kiss. Then, starts undressing her and Clarke does not stop her. She likes the way Lexa’s slender fingers feel on her skin.

After discarding her shirt, Lexa opens Clarke’s jeans and pushes her fingers inside. She breaks the kiss and breathes out against Clarke’s lips how wet she is, Clarke moves her hips, silently asking Lexa for more friction.

Lexa gives her exactly what she wants and even more, she unclasps her bra with her free hand and sucks her nipple into her mouth then the other. Clarke moans when Lexa’s fingers enter her and hits her sensitive spot.

She rides her fingers hard and fast searching for release. Lexa seems determined as well to make her come first, she showers her skin with kisses and drives her to the edge with a few words expressing how eager she is to taste her.

Lexa feels herself growing harder when Clarke comes around her fingers. She pulls her fingers out of Clarke and sucks them clean.

‘ _Fuck’_ Clarke breathes out before tasting herself on Lexa’s tongue. Their mouths meet again in a lazy dance, breathing each other’s air and muffling each other’s moans.

Their moans and their sound breathing fill the silent room and bring it to life. Lexa pushes Clarke’s hip against her and gasps when she feels her wetness. Clarke bites her lip trying to stop herself from whining. Lexa is hard and even if she just came, she is not sated not until she has Lexa coming inside her.

She grinds down slowly making sure to lubricate Lexa’s cock with her wetness before using her hand to slip her inside her gently. Lexa forgets how to breathe for a second at the feeling of Clarke’s warm, wet and soft walls taking her in.

Once Clarke has her deep inside, she begins a slow rotation of her hips. As she is moving, green eyes bore into her and Clarke feels like her chest is about to burst open.

Lexa doubts she is going to last long enough for Clarke to come with her. Just as her blonde starts sliding up and down, Lexa puts her hands on her hips to slow her movements.

Having Clarke on top of her, around her, feeling her hands hugging her, caressing her back, feeling Clarke’s naked skin finally against hers, feeling her nipples rubbing and meeting Clarke’s while she is moving all while blue eyes are staring into her, is overwhelming.

Lexa’s eyes on Clarke are acting like a drug too, Clarke feels her senses enhanced like nothing else exists or matters but the two of them. After all the lonely nights missing each other’s presence, they are finally connected to one another in the most intimate way.

Lexa caresses Clarke’s skin with her hands in excruciating slow designs, sending shivers down her spine. Clarke is whining in pleasure and Lexa wants this moment to last forever, she does not want to come but the clamping of Clarke’s walls around her cock is demanding something else.

“Come inside me,” The words come out of Clarke’s pink lips like a prayer before she can stop them and Lexa feels herself twitch inside of her girlfriend. Her hands fall to Clarke’s hips helping her to move faster.

Clarke’s orgasm and her walls tightening around Lexa makes the brunette come hard inside her. Lexa’s warm cum makes Clarke shudder, she pulls Lexa in a searing sloppy kiss before letting her weight fall on Lexa’s lap not trusting her legs anymore.

Lexa rolls them over so she is on top of Clarke, her brown locks fall around them like a tent keeping them away from the outside world. She brushes her lips on Clarke’s and keeps their forehead touching. Lexa feels like her heart is coming along with her when Clarke whispers love words and encourages her to move again.

Lexa reaches for Clarke’s leg and hooks it around her hip sliding further into the blonde. She thrusts her hips slowly dragging her orgasm and Clarke’s a few seconds longer.

When Lexa pulls out of her and lays on the bed, Clarke scoots closer draping half her body on top of hers. Lexa wraps her arm around Clarke’s shoulders pulling her further in her embrace.

It takes them a moment to regain their breaths.

“What did mom tell you before we left?” Clarke asks curious.

“She asked me to get you back home tomorrow for your birthday party”.

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“Then, I’ll find a way to take you there. Your mom’s orders,” Lexa quips.

“That’s not fair. Since it’s my birthday, I get to choose with whom I spend it. And I just want to be with you”.

Lexa’s lips curl up in a smile, “I’ll be there too”.

“You know what I mean,” Clarke says resting her chin on Lexa’s sternum to look at her.

Lexa moves reaching Clarke’s forehead and kisses it before replying, “You can have me all your life if you want, not just tomorrow. I told you I’m not leaving”.

Clarke keeps silent, she does not want to ask her about her company drama. She wants to believe her, she wants to believe that she is going to be here _forever_.

She kisses Lexa’s chest before cuddling her again. Lexa plays with Clarke’s blond hair and caresses her back with her fingers tenderly causing Clarke to fall asleep. She feels safe and reassured enough that Lexa is not going to leave her again.

When Lexa notices that Clarke is asleep, her heart swells in her chest. This is more than she dreamed of. It feels a lot better than she was expecting it to be with Clarke and have her sleep in her arms.

It is soothing a little bit the pain she felt while being away from her. Feeling her skin pressed against hers warming her heart above anything else, being wrapped in her sweet scent and feeling her heartbeat against her own skin and her breathing as well is making Lexa feel like the happiest she ever been.

Lexa does not want to leave this bed or this moment as cheesy as it may sound she wants this moment to last forever.

**********

The next morning, Lexa wakes up to the feeling of Clarke’s front against her back and her hand caressing her toned belly. She wakes up with a smile on her face because who can wake her up with such tenderness except for Clarke.

She puts her hand on top of hers, pulls it up to her lips and kisses the palm of her hand. Clarke lets out a content sigh and kisses Lexa back on her shoulder blade. It feels comfortable and Lexa does not want to wake up any other way from this day on.

When she tries to move to get out of the bed, Clarke tightens her hold around her and does not let her move. Lexa chuckles and stays for a few additional minutes, appreciating the little touches and kisses Clarke was covering her with in random places on her naked skin.

Clarke forgets herself in the warmth and softness of Lexa’s skin. Her hands and lips are innocent and lazy, there is nothing sexual about their doing but there is love. Clarke cartographies Lexa’s body with her fingers and lips on her memory, she needs to know every little imperfection about her girlfriend’s body and every little curve.

Lexa tries not to move a lot to give Clarke the time to do what she wants even if her fingers and lips on certain parts of her body are tickling her not knowing that Clarke was doing it on purpose loving to hear her breath hitches and her little sighs.

“ _As-tu réalisé ou pas encore?"_ (Did you realize yet?) Lexa asks.

“ _Quoi?_ ” (What?) Clarke asks back confused.

“ _Que je suis ici avec toi_ " (That I’m here with you).

Clarke takes a moment feigning to think about the answer before squeezing Lexa tightly against her again and answers, “ _Oui_ ” (Yes).

Lexa feels her heart about to explode out of her chest from happiness, she wants to realize too and for that she needs to look at Clarke’s beautiful blue eyes. Just as she moves, her phone rings and Clarke does not let go of her thinking that she is going to pick up her phone.

Lexa giggles seeing that Clarke is really adamant to keep her in bed.

“ _Laisse moi au moins te regarder,”_ (At least let me look at you,) She asks before the blonde loosens her hold around her.

“ _Bonjour princesse,_ ” (Morning princess,) Lexa lets out with a smile and Clarke closes her eyes shyly.

“ _Bonjour mon amour,_ ” (Good morning my love,) She replies before nuzzling her face into Lexa’s neck who kisses her hair.

“ _Bien dormi?_ ” (Slept well?) Lexa asks softly and Clarke hums against her neck.

“ _Bon anniversaire princesse,_ ” (Happy birthday princess,) Lexa whispers and Clarke pulls back to look at her when Lexa adds, “ _On déjeune ici ou on sort?_ ” (We have breakfast here or we go out?)

Clarke does not reply instantly, she is too focused admiring the hickies she left on Lexa’s body the previous night. It is only after making a full inspection of the love marks she gave Lexa that she replies, “ _Ici_ ” (Here).

Lexa feels like she is dreaming or _better_ because it is real. She woke up in bed next to Clarke and she is experiencing something she already lived but this time is _better_ because now she can feel everything without being troubled but some drama. Now she can be fully happy; _maybe not fully;_ but at least she knows Clarke is with her, Clarke is hers.

Everything somehow since she opened her eyes this morning feels different, a _better_ kind of different. From the feeling of Clarke’s front against her back while they are both naked, to the way Clarke does not want to let go of her, to the morning tenderness of Clarke she woke up to, and much more details that she can live fully now because her mind is not crowded.

Everything is **_better_** with Clarke.

Even the most ~~insignificant little~~ thing, the _sweetest_ thing _– according to Lexa –_ which is Clarke’s husky morning voice that sounds like music to her heart.

After showering Clarke’s face with kisses, Lexa finally gets her approval to leave the bed just for a moment long enough to order their breakfast and have a quick shower. Just as she gets out of the bathroom, their breakfast arrives.

Clarke puts on a robe and opens the door, she pushes the table next to the bed and goes to the bathroom to take a shower instructing Lexa to not start without her.

Lexa complies, she grabs her phone and finds Abby’s phone calls. She tries to call her back but Abby is not answering. She tells herself if there was something urgent, she would have texted her.

Clarke comes out of the bathroom freshly showered and wrapped in a towel. Lexa bites her lip and taps next to her gesturing for her to join. They make out lazily for a moment before Lexa’s phone starts off again.

When Lexa pulls back and tries to reach for it, Clarke does not let her saying that she should not work while she is with her in bed. Lexa falls back in her arms and the slow lazy make out becomes much more. Lexa makes sure to give Clarke the best morning sex of her life before having their breakfast.

After sating both Clarke’s sex and food appetites, Lexa asks her if she wants to open her birthday gift now or leave it for later. It does not take Clarke long to decide, she does not want to share the moments she gets or should get with Lexa with anyone else.

Lexa hops off the bed and grabs an envelope and a big bag then put them next to Clarke before giving her a soft peck on the lips and wishing her again a happy birthday.

Clarke kisses her back, “ _Merci, mon amour._ _Tu n’auras pas due, ta venue c’est le meilleur cadeau que tu pourras m’offrir_ ” (Thanks, love. You shouldn’t have, your coming is the best gift you can give me).

Lexa wants to tell her that this is just a part of the gift she had in mind but she cannot. She simply smiles at her and waits to see her reaction for what she got her instead.

The first thing Clarke takes from the bag is the plane tickets. She looks up at her and before she can say anything Lexa says, “ _Avec une promesse de t'accompagner quand tu veux les utiliser et pour la durée que tu veux…si tu voudras de moi biensur_ ” (With a promise to go with you whenever you want to use them and for the duration you want…if you want me of course).

“ _Quand je veux?_ ” (When I want?) Clarke asks in disbelief and Lexa nods happily.

“ _Et si je te dis maintenant?_ ” (What if I tell you now?)

“Je suis prête," (I’m ready,) Lexa replies and Clarke pulls her for a languorous kiss.

“ _Très bien, voyons ce que nous avons dans le grand sac maintenan,t_ ” (Alright, let's see what we have in the big bag now,) Clarke says before taking out a luxurious wooden box of Sketching pencils.

She gawks when she opens it and Lexa can’t help the smile on her face, “ _Il y en a d'autre mais je n'ai pas pu tout porter donc on passe les prendre plus tard_ ” (There’s others but I couldn’t lift everything so we’ll pick them up later).

" _Merci mon amour, ils sont magnifiques,_ " (Thank you love, they are beautiful,) Clarke replies before adding, " _Et maintenant le petit dernier_ ” (And now the last one).

Lexa frowns watching Clarke digging into the big bag again reaching for something else. She does not remember that she got her another gift. Her heart stops when she sees the onesie she bought in Clarke’s hand.

Clarke’s eyes meet Lexa’s with the same surprise in them, “ _Une grenouillère?_ ” (A onesie?) She lets out questioningly and Lexa closes her eyes feeling trapped.

“ _Je l’ai oublié…c’est…c’est pour moi….merde! Tu n’étais pas censé la voir_ ” (I forgot it….it’s…it’s for me…Shit! You were not supposed to see it).

“ _Pourquoi, t’es enceinte?"_ (Why, you’re pregnant?) Clarke jokes seeing Lexa nervously stuttering.

 _“Je n'ai pas pu résister en la voyant, c'est tout,"_ (I couldn’t resist when I saw it, that’s all,) Lexa tries to take the onsie from Clarke’s hand but the blonde does not let her.

 _“Non, c’est trop tard. C’est à moi maintenant”_ (No, it’s too late. It’s mine now).

Clarke hides the onesie behind her back and falls back on the bed laying on top of her hand while Lexa is trying to take it from her by tickling her. Clarke tries to move away but Lexa straddles her making it impossible for her to move.

Her laughter encourages Lexa to tickle her even harder making her scream begging her to stop. Lexa stops only to use something else on her, her mouth instead of her hands. She leans down and kisses her lips first then trails kisses down her neck all the way to the hem of the towel Clarke is wrapped in.

First, Clarke does not surrender, she keeps the onesie clutched in her hand under her back. But when Lexa nips at her skin the way she loves and reaches her hipbone doing unholy things with her tongue, Clarke pulls Lexa up to her and says, “ _Si tu la veux tellement, fait de moi une maman_ " (If you want it so bad, make me a mom).

It comes out like a plea, a whisper, a lover’s wish and it shakes Lexa’s inside.

Suddenly, it feels like the big hotel room shrank around them and it fell silent except for their breathing. Lexa’s heart is beating so fast in her chest that she thinks Clarke might hear it too.

Clarke’s blue eyes are only making it harder for her to breathe, to think or just do something. Anything that can takes her away from this moment even if this is all she wants and has been dreaming of.

Clarke’s heart clenches in her chest seeing the look on Lexa’s eyes. Even if it is hard for her to understand what Lexa is thinking right now, she can tell that she does not want to disappoint her. She sits down so she can reach for Lexa’s face and cups it in her hand, her eyes never leaving hers.

“ _Juste promets moi qu’un jour…on sera des mamans_ ” (Just promise me that one day…we’ll be moms).

It takes Lexa a moment to answer her, a moment that felt like an eternity for both of them. “ _Je le promets,_ ” (I promise,) She finally lets out against Clarke’s lips before kissing her.

Just as she is about to pull back, Clarke deepens the kiss and tugs her down with her on the bed. Everything is burning inside of Lexa at the feeling of Clarke’s hands pressing hard against her begging her for more.

She seals her promise with a kiss on Clarke’s chest just on top of her heart. She tries to reassure Clarke with every gentle kiss that she wants it too. She devours her skin with everything she has to make her understand how bad she wants it too.

Lexa makes love to her. Slowly moving down her body softly nibbling at her skin, gently sucking her nipples and passionately teasing her under thighs until Clarke loses her patience and begs, “Lexa, please!”

At the taste of Clarke, Lexa moans against her sending waves of pleasure through her entire body. She lets out sounds and gasps that Lexa cannot get enough of and she deliberately chooses to be slow but still rhythmic driving Clarke crazy before giving her what she needs, what she is craving at this point.

After Clarke’s orgasm, Lexa places a tender kiss on her still sensitive clit then moves a little up and showers her belly with light loving kisses. Clarke feels herself drowning in Lexa’s tenderness and love.

She does not want to leave the hotel room anytime soon, she is there trying to catch her breath with Lexa laying between her thighs. Lexa’s head on her belly and her slender fingers caressing her curves and Lexa’s plump lips brushing against her skin, she has everything she ever wanted and more.

All she ever wanted is **her**.

“All I want is you,” Clarke hears Lexa voicing her thoughts and it leaves her speechless.

“All I ever wanted is _us_. My dream is to be a mom….to have a baby,” Lexa stops for a brief seconds before correcting herself, “babies. Babies with you but before that I want to have a whole life with you, full of laughs, kisses, love, quarrels…I don’t know! Everything we didn’t have and we can have being together”.

Lexa pauses for a minute thinking about what to say next and Clarke does not rush her or say anything. She waits to hear what Lexa wants, what Lexa is feeling which does not happen so often or more exactly which has not happened for a while. She learnt how to understand her, to understand Lexa her best friend but after what happened to them she lost that ability so all she has now is what Lexa gives her.

“I want to have what I’ve never had. It’s selfish but I want a life with you and just you…just the two of us, no distance, no drama”.

Clarke wants to pull Lexa up and hug her, she wants to reassure her, tell her that she is hers and tell her that she wants the same things but she does not want to interrupt her.

”And I think it’s not fair to bring our baby to our lives while we barely are together. It’s not fair because I don’t know how to be a mom yet …I never loved anyone but you…how can I give my baby love when I still need it myself?”

Clarke’s heart aches and she cannot wait anymore to pull Lexa up on top of her, “You would be the greatest mom, and you are capable of giving love more than anyone I’ve ever known”.

Lexa’s lips curl up in a smile, she leans and connects her lips to Clarke’s to thank her for what she just said when her phone rings signaling a text message. Lexa does not seem to notice it, she is focused on explaining to Clarke the reason she does not want a baby so soon.

“What if you’re not ready?” Lexa blurs out.

“I am,” Clarke replies in a beat afraid that Lexa gets distracted by her phone before she can talk to her.

Lexa’s heart jolts in her chest but she quickly asks Clarke again wanting to have her confirmation, “You do?”

“Yes,” Clarke breathes out.

“But this is just what _we_ want. We’re not thinking it through, I still haven’t settled things with Finn, you’re still not back to work! What if a good opportunity comes when you’re pregnant and it would be selfish to-“

“It won’t. This is what I wanted to tell you!” Clarke interrupts Lexa with a grin.

Lexa freezes then her eyes widen thinking that Clarke might already be pregnant, “What do you mean?”

Clarke quickly catches on it and shakes her head, “I mean I want to move to the US, I want us to be a family, to have a big family, a big house I want to grow old with you and this is something I never ever wanted or imagined with anyone else but you”.

Lexa can’t help the smile on her face, Clarke wants and is going to do the same thing she is doing just _– To have a big family, a big house –_ to be with her. She hopes to change her mind when she can find a good place to settle there.

“Oh my God!” For a second Lexa thinks about telling her that she want their kids to grow up here in France where their love is and was her whole life but refrains.

“I wanted to tell you the other day but I thought I’d better do it when we’re together,” Clarke adds happily after Lexa’s reaction.

“I’m going to look for a place-“

“What? No, mon amour,” Lexa disagrees, “My home is yours. I mean you’re my home, Clarke…move in with me? Please?”

Clarke chuckles at Lexa’s rambling. After all what they have been through and have done with one another and the love they share, and even after the baby talk and being naked in bed with her at the very moment, Lexa still doubts.

“I love you so much,” Clarke breathes out against her lips after kissing her.

“It’s a yes,” Lexa sighs happily, “let’s get out of this bed”.

“No, not yet,” Clarke says trapping Lexa between her legs.

“Clarke!”

“Why would I leave this,” Clarke kneads at Lexa’s breast and kisses her neck before moving her hand down to Lexa’s cock and continues, “and this without returning the favor”.

Lexa gasps and lets her head fall into the crook of Clarke’s neck for a moment enjoying her ministrations then lifts her head up to meet Clarke’s face for a bruising kiss.

“Why don’t we finish this in the shower then go pick up the art supplies”.

_Much much later…_

After finally getting out of the shower, the first thing Lexa does is check her phone and finds two texts from Abby.

**_Abby: I convinced the owner if you still want to surprise her._ **

**_Abby: I have the keys. Call me._ **

****

Lexa’s eyes widen in shock, she reads Abby’s texts again then looks at Clarke who is getting dressed and smiles at her. This is perfect all she has to do is try and call Abby to get the keys from her. She wants to know how Abby managed to have the keys, she wants to know what she told him to convince him and she wants to know a lot of things but she cannot now.

**_Lexa: I’ll try and come and get them._ **

Barely a minute later, Lexa receives an answer.

**_Abby: Hurry or you’ll have to come to the hospital._ **

****

Lexa looks back at Clarke and flashes her an exaggerated smile, “Can you wait for me here, I won’t be long”.

Clarke frowns at Lexa’s request, “Why? I thought we’re going to pick them up together…and you need a car”.

“Yeah, I do,” Lexa replies thoughtfully.

“Then why do you want me to wait here?”

Lexa bites the inside of her cheeks to not smile goofily, “I just need to do something before that”.

“I’ll come with you,” Clarke shrugs.

“Alright, but I’ll drive”.

“Why?”

“Because you’ll be blindfold,” Lexa answers pecking her lips then texts Abby letting her know that she will be there in any minute.

Clarke agrees without questioning Lexa again knowing that it might be part of her birthday party or something related but as soon as they get in the car she asks her if she really has to be blindfolded and Lexa confirms.

When they were not far from their destination, Lexa asks her to blindfold herself because they were about to arrive. She finds Abby parked next to the house and waiting for her. She gives Clarke kiss on the cheek and reassures her that she won’t be long.


	20. Chapter 20

**France;**

Lexa walks to Abby’s car feeling nervous. She does not know if she looks decent enough to meet Abby after not picking up her phone calls and not replying to her texts the whole morning which kind of explains the reason why.

She tries to relax her jaw after spending the whole night and morning smiling. She thinks Abby can see it in her face, that she has been screwing her daughter. She closes her eyes trying to not think about it because it is only making it worse and obvious that she has something to feel guilty about.

“Abby?” Lexa lets out not meeting the older woman’s eyes.

“Lexa,” Abby smiles at her, “I hope you won’t change your mind because I pled on your favor and gave my word. And now, I’m late for work”.

“Yeah..am…I’m sorry. I had to blindfold her first she…you know how she’s,” Lexa stutters trying to explain.

“Then don’t make her or me wait any longer, here!”

Lexa looks down at the keys in Abby’s hand.

“How? I don’t understand.”

“I talked to the man and convinced him. I also promised that you’d give him a better offer than the one he received.”

“Oh…alright. Thank you,” Lexa lets out before taking the keys from her, “You’re sure you don’t wanna come in with us?”

“Yes.” Abby returns with a smile before leaving.

Lexa takes a deep breath looking at the keys in her hand. She realizes that they represent a step forward in her relationship with Clarke, her lips curl in a smile.

Finally, her life is taking a better turn. She does not forget that a transition is going to be difficult at first, not to mention that she still has to convince Clarke to live their lives here in France.

She rushes back to the car and opens the door. Clarke jolts in the passenger seat.

“ _C’est moi,_ ” (It’s me,) She says before taking Clarke’s hand in hers. “ _Tu me fais confiance?_ ” (Do you trust me?)

 _Trust_ is all what led them to this very moment. Whether it is the lack of it after being separated because of some misfortunate events, or the doubts of it that led them to keep secrets and agonize watching one another in someone else’s arms.

“ _Oui._ ” (Yes.) Clarke’s reply comes spontaneously making Lexa’s happiness. She tugs her hand and walks her out of the car carefully towards the house’s doorstep before stopping again.

“ _Garde les yeux fermés._ ” (Keep your eyes closed.) She instructs before opening the door then takes Clarke’s hand again and walks her inside.

“ _Je peux voir maintenant?_ ” (Can I see now?)

" _Oui._ " (Yes.) Lexa answers joyfully. She takes a step back and faces Clarke to see her reaction.

Clarke takes off the blindfold and blinks a few times trying to refocus her sight before looking around confused.

“ _On est où?_ ” (Where are we?)

“ _Chez nous, plus exactement dans ton atelier de peinture._ ” (Home, more exactly in your art room.)

“ _Quoi?_ ” (What?) Clarke peers back at Lexa who is biting her lip and nods confirming the questioning look on Clarke’s face.

Clarke breathes out a chuckle. She rushes to the window and takes a look outside and sees her car parked then looks back at Lexa stuttering, “O _n est où?_ ” (Where are we?)

“ _Chez nous._ ” (Home.) Lexa lets out happily, “ _Tu veux jeter un coup d'œil sur le reste de notre maison?_ ” (Wanna take a look at the rest of our house?)

“ _Oh mon Dieu! T’es sérieuse ?_ ” (Oh my God ! Are you serious?) Clarke lets out frantically making her giggle.

“ _Oh que oui, je suis sérieuse,_ " (Oh yes, I am serious,) She answers then explains " _J'avais préparé dans ma tête tout un discours pour ce moment mais comme rien ne s’est passé comme prévue et je n’avais-_ " (I had prepared a whole speech in my head for this moment but as nothing happened as planned and I had-)

“ _T’avais prévue?_ ” (You planned?) Clarke interrupts in disbelief, her eyes glossy.

“ _Oui mais je viens juste d'avoir les clefs donc joyeux anniversaire Clarke._ _Cette maison est pour toi, pour nous et-_ " (Yes but I just had the keys so happy birthday Clarke. This house is for you, for us and-) Lexa says before Clarke jumps into her arms and showers her face with kisses.

Lexa laughs happily and points out, “ _Tu ne m'as pas encore dit oui._ ” (You haven’t told me yes, yet.)

“ _Pas avant le discours._ " (Not before a speech.)

" _D’accord,_ " (Alright,) Lexa replies with a kiss then adds, “ _je te préviens il est un peu nulle comparé a que ce que j’avais en tête._ " (I warn you it’s a bit silly compared to what I had in mind.)

“ _Je t'écoutes._ ” (I’m listening.)

“ _Depuis qu'on était petites, tu as partagé avec moi tout ce que t’avais. Tes sourires, ton bonheur, ta famille, ton amitié et ton amour…sans oublié la varicelle_ " (Since we were kids, you shared with me everything you had. Your smiles, your happiness, your family, your friendship and your love ... without forgetting your chickenpox) Lexa laughs along with Clarke at the last part before continuing.

“ _La première chose était ton sourire, un bonbon après ton aide, ton amitié et puis tu m’as donnée mon premier baiser…des choses pour lesquels je ne pourrais jamais te remercier assez."_ (The first thing was your smile, a candy then your help, your friendship and later you gave me my first kiss ... things I can never thank you enough for.)

Clarke cannot help the happy tears flowing down her cheeks, she hardly manages to keep herself from smashing her lips against Lexa’s to kiss her. She feels like she is falling in love over and over again.

“ _quelques années plus tard c’est ton amour et ta première fois, la mienne aussi. Tu m’as donnée des choses que même tout l’or du monde ne pourra m’offrir. Tu as étais ma meilleure amie. Tu m’as fait découvrir l’amour…tu m’as appris à aimer."_ (a few years later it's your love and your first time, mine too. You gave me things that even all the gold in the world cannot afford. You were my best friend. You made me discover love ... you taught me to love.)

Clarke lets out a sob before muffling it with her hand letting Lexa finish the speech she asked for.

“… _et maintenant j'aimerais que tu partage cette maison avec moi._ " (…and now I’d like you to share this home with me.) Lexa finishes looking at Clarke expectantly.

Clarke chuckles wiping her tears away before closing again the distance between them and wraps her arms around Lexa in a suffocating embrace. It takes her a moment to let go of Lexa and give her an answer.

“ _Oui, bien sûr que oui._ " (Yes, of course yes.)

Lexa interlaces their fingers together and tugs her to check the whole place leaving the backyard the last.

“ _Et la meilleure partie, c’est la cour._ ” (And the best part, is the courtyard.)

Lexa says opening the back door. Clarke steps out and looks around dazzled, the courtyard is spacious but poorly decorated.

After a moment, she looks at Lexa and says, “ _C’est…-_ “ (It’s…-)

“ _Moche, je sais._ ” (Ugly, I know.) Lexa interjects, “ _mais avec une arriére cour pareil, on peut recontruire ou faire une extension pour-_ " (but with a backyard like this one, we can rebuild or make an extension for-)

“ _Lexa, c’est parfait.”_ (Lexan it’s perfect.)

“ _Vraiment?_ ” (Really?)

Clarke grimaces, “ _Non, c’est moche._ ” (No, it’s ugly.)

Lexa laughs heartedly and Clarke feels it reverberating deep in her heart. Filling her soul with love and warmth that she cannot help losing herself in.

She missed it, she missed hearing Lexa’s laugh and seeing her happy. She misses the careless moments she used to spend with her best friend as a kid, she missed her shy smile and her laugh that she was the only one entitled to.

She realizes that this time around, she needs to take her time and cherish each moment she gets to spend with Lexa. More than she ever did because now she knows how dull life is without her.

She smiles back fondly. She wants to kiss her laugh, and squeeze Lexa in her arms but refrains choosing to memorize this moment.

“ _Tu étais censé me dire, ‘Oui c'est vrai.’_ " (You were supposed to tell me, ‘ _Yes it's true.’_ ) Lexa says and gives her a peck on the lips.

Clarke smiles against her lips, “ _c’est parfait mais c’est moche._ ” (it’s perfect but it’s ugly.)

“ _Je sais, c’est pourquoi on va tout reconstruire._ " (I know, that’s why we’re going to rebuild it from scratch.)

Clarke hugs Lexa bringing their bodies even closer then kisses her with all she has got. It takes Lexa’s breath away, she was not expecting Clarke to kiss her as passionately as she is doing.

“ _Je t’aime._ ” (I love you.)

“ _Je t’aime aussi.”_ (I love you too.) Lexa retunrs looking deep into blue eyes. She wants to tell her so many things but she cannot find the words that can level to the intensity of her happiness.

“ _Alors, comment as tu fais?_ ” (So, how did you do?) Clarke asks curious.

“ _J’ai eu beaucoup d'aide,_ ” (I got a lot of help,) Lexa confesses with a grin, “ _et je n'étais pas en Asie mais ici._ ” (and I wasn’t in Asia but here.)

“ _Toute cette semaine_?” (All this week?) Clarke gawks at her.

“ _Oui._ ” (Yes.) Lexa confirms and tells Clarke everything about her plan and about Abby’s help. She tells her how hard it was for her to see her but not being able to cross the street and embrace her, kiss her or touch her just because she wanted to surprise her.

" _Parlons de notre maison._ " (Let’s talk about our home.) Clarke says biting her lips and Lexa acquiesces, " _Avec plaisir._ " (With pleasure.)

“ _J'aime bien l’architecture extérieur, il faut juste rendre l’intérieur plus chalereux._ ” (I like the outside architecture, we just have to make the interior warmer.)

“ _Pas d'extension?_ ” (No extension?)

“ _On n'en a pas besoin._ ” (We don’t need it.) Clarke shrugs

“ _Oui, mais il faut penser plus loin,_ ” (Yes, but we need to think further,) Lexa replies with a blush hoping Clarke won’t need more explanations.

“ _J’aime bien ce que tu suggères,_ ” (I like what you’re suggesting,) Clarke catches up what Lexa is implying.

Lexa beams at her reply when the ringing of her phone brings her back to reality. She takes her phone from her pocket then looks up at Clarke, “I won’t be long.”

It is the owner, she waits for Clarke to walk away before she picks up. She thanks him for trusting her and giving her the opportunity to realize the plan _– surprise –_ she had in mind for her girlfriend then tells him that she is going to leave and meet him today but the man refuses telling her that she needs to spend the day with her partner since it is her birthday.

After hanging up, Lexa gets in the house and finds Clarke looking around. She gives her some suggestions then tells her that they should start sketching their ideas and make a list of what they want.

**_The previous day in the USA;_ **

**_Woods office building; Anya’s office;_ **

As usual, Anya’s office is the only one lit at this time of the day when everyone has left for a while now. Predictable, unlike the surprise visit she gets from Raven who comes back to the office ticking her high heels wearing a ‘ _too sexy for the office’_ dress _– which unfortunately goes unnoticed by Anya –_ while carrying two bags of Chinese food in her hands.

Raven literally forces Anya to take a ten minutes break to eat. She eats silently to not take more of Anya’s time than needed. She wants to leave the building with her girlfriend the soonest possible. She even helps Anya with the pending paperwork for about an hour, making sure to tidy up her desk for the next day.

Anya does not comment on the unusual occurrence. She appreciates the help which was much needed just like the food in her system. She is grateful for the pleasant company despite the silence but she cannot help smiling at her girlfriend’s stubbornness finding it quite endearing whereas it used to get on her nerves and elicit the majority of their quarrels.

She tries to push the thought to the back of her mind, to not let it overwhelm her. She is still hesitant about Raven’s genuine feelings for her.

Yes, it is evident that Raven wants her. She can see it in her eyes and the way they have been spending the last few nights together but she doesn’t know if she feels the same way for her.

 _‘Does Raven smile whenever she hears her name like Anya does when the role are reversed? Does Raven linger whenever her eyes fall on her? Does Raven even stare at her when she is talking to someone else like Anya does? Does Raven like the smell she leaves in her sheets like she does herself whenever Raven spends the night at her place?’_ All this questions in Anya’s mind remain unanswered.

It is only when Raven stands up again to turn off the printer that Anya notices the dress she is wearing. Her heartbeat races realizing that Raven did it for her, wore a sexy dress to please her. She shamelessly stares at her behind, her gaze does not wager when Raven turns back and notices it. She knows Raven did it purposely.

“You were not wearing a dress this morning,” She comments with a smirk. Raven smirks sitting on the edge of the desk.

“You like it?”

“A lot,” Anya replies placing her hand on the inside of Raven’s leg. Her eyes never leaving Raven’s, she caresses her way up to the hem of the dress before stopping and looking down at it.

She wants to push it up and take Raven right here on her desk. It’s nighttime, the building is empty but the guards may do a night patrol and find them in the most embarrassing situation.

She wavers; she is not willing to risk it. But hopefully for her, Raven is the unapologetically bold. She leans down kisses her languorously before pulling back.

“Are you going to do something, or you’re just teasing me?”

“Come here,” She whispers to Raven who straddles her lap and sits. Anya wraps her hands around her waist and pulls her closer to her reconnecting their lips for a hot bruising kiss.

Anya is tense at first, afraid to be seen in such an unconventional situation but it does not last long. When Raven starts stirring trying to grind down on her, she forgets about her surrounding and devours her lips with much more fervor before moving to her neck and the swell of her breast.

Raven is panting, she wants more so she takes her girlfriend’s hand and pushes it down to where she needs her the most but Anya pulls back, “Not here.”

Raven rolls her eyes. “You’re not seriously leaving me like that.”

“Like what?” Anya asks defiantly, she wants to hear Raven’s answer.

“Lexa is not haunting the walls, you know!” Raven says as she stands up from Anya’s lap and tugs her dress down making herself look neat enough to leave.

Anya realizes that she shouldn’t have pushed Raven so abruptly, “I’m sorry, we’re not alone. We can’t-“Raven sighs again interrupting her words.

“Let’s go home,” Anya lets out defeated. Raven looks up at her thoughtfully for a moment then asks “and where is that?”

Anya freezes for a moment, _home_ now for Raven means something else than her own apartment otherwise she wouldn’t have asked that question. Just like for Anya, home is a feeling and she feels it with Raven and no one else.

“My place is the closest.” Anya finally replies and they leave.

Once arrived, Raven gets in the shower needing to cool off a little bit and Anya seizes the opportunity to catch up. She joins her and starts kissing and caressing Raven who was not having it.

“I’m sorry, I…I-” Anya stutters not knowing what to say except apologizing. Raven keeps silent and Anya gets it. She kisses her shoulder and gets out of the shower.

They get in their pajamas and then in bed in silence. Anya scoots closer to Raven, spoons her to get her attention.

“I want you. I want to take care of you,” She whispers against the back of her neck.

Raven flips over and looks at her, “I’m fine, Anya. I just don’t understand why you’re so uptight with me? You used to suck your boyfriend’s face in front of everyone. Is it me? Don’t you trust me?”

“I do,” Anya quickly replies, “you’re my best friend. I trust you.”

“And I’m your girlfriend,” Raven says looking back into her eyes.

Anya wants to reply, ‘ _and I love you_ ’ but decides to not rush things. She still does not know if Raven feels the same or if she will ever feel the same.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking about what we’re doing.” Anya answers and Raven rolls her eyes annoyed.

“You really have a gift in ruining romantic moments, don’t you?”

Anya laughs. “No, I wanted to say that I like what we’re doing,” She corrects, “I really _really_ like it.”

“I really _really_ like it too except for the thing you did in the office,” Raven tells her.

“I know, I’m-“

“Sorry?”

Anya nods biting her lips.

“Just don’t start something you can’t finish,” Raven says before pulling her for a kiss and wishing her a good night.

**Present time; France;**

Lexa never thought that she would feel that happy just by walking hand in hand with Clarke. It feels amazing and better than she remembers.

Everything feels different when she is with her to the point she wonders why she did not settle back in France the minute Clarke walked into her hotel room and they shared their feelings.

She forgot how it felt to be Clarke’s ~~friend~~ , Clarke’s _best friend_ and how easily she opens up to her. She is getting reacquainted to Clarke again as a best friend in Paris’ streets which witnessed their childhood together.

Lexa somehow forgot about the silly faces Clarke loves to make, she forgot about all the mimics she does when talking and seeing them now makes her nostalgic.

It feels like she is falling in love with Clarke for the first time.

“ _Quoi? J’ai quelque chose sur le visage?_ ” (What? I’ve something on my face?) Clarke asks wiping her mouth.

“ _Non. J’admire juste ta beauté._ ” (No. I’m just admiring your beauty.) Lexa answers and Clarke’s heart melts.

“ _Dit la plus belle femme au monde._ ” (Says the most beautiful woman in the world.) Clarke returns.

Lexa chuckles softly before pulling Clarke for a chaste kiss then takes her phone and texts Costia.

**_Lexa: Can I come take Clarke’s gift?_ **

Lexa sends the text and looks back at Clarke, “ _Je n'ai pas eu de nouvelles d’Anya ces trois derniers jours!_ ” (I haven’t heard from Anya in the last three days!)

“ _Pas de nouvelle, bonne nouvelle,_ ” (No news is good news,) Clarke shrugs, “ _c'est ma journée et j'exige 'pas de travail.'_ ” (it’s my day and I demand ‘no work’.) Clarke pokes her tongue.

“ _T’as raison mon amour, pas de travail aujourd’hui._ ” (You’re right love, no work today.) Lexa giggles and her phone buzzes in her hand.

**_Costia: Yes, I’ll be home in ten minutes_ **

****

**_Lexa: Thanks_ **

Clarke reaches for Lexa’s phone and takes it from her before Lexa gets to send her answer.

“ _Pas de téléphone non plus._ ” (No phone either.)

 _“C'est Costia, ce n'est pas le travail,”_ (It’s Costia, it’s not work,) Lexa replies with a fond smile loving her girlfriend’s cuteness.

 _“Oh, ok.”_ Clarke lets out, taking aback by the information not knowing how to react. Lexa takes her phone back and sends the text then looks back at her, “ _On a passé une journée ensemble vu que j'avais beaucoup de temps libre._ ” (We spent a day together since I had a lot of free time.)

Clarke forces a smile feeling a pang of jealousy in her heart then looks away not meeting Lexa’s eyes trying to reason herself to not feel that way. She knows Lexa loves her, there is no logical reason why she should feel this way but again jealousy in love has no logic.

Lexa does not miss the change of mood and clears her throat, _“On va chez elle pour récupérer le reste de ton cadeau.”_ (We go to her place to get what’s left of your gift.)

 _“Chez Costia!”_ (At Costias’!) Clarke exclaims, not really happy about it.

Not only did Lexa spend a whole day with Costia, but it was at her place too while she had almost no contact with her. Even if she knows it was mostly to surprise her with a place of their own, she can’t help feeling jealous.

“ _Je ne peux m’empêcher d’être jalouse.”_ (I can’t help feeling jealous.) Clarke confesses.

 _“Clarke, je suis amoureuse de toi et seulement toi!"_ (Clarke, I'm in love with you and only you!) Lexa replies taking Clarke’s hand and kisses.

I’m yours,” She whispers.

Clarke bites her lips. The feeling of Lexa’s lips pressed against the palm of her hand sends shivers down her spine and makes her heart flutter in the most delicious way _– it feels like Lexa kissed her heart._ Lexa is not a woman of words _– usually her actions show what she does not utter_ _–_ but whenever she uses them, she swoops her off her feet.

“I love you.” Is all Clarke manages to say and it is enough for Lexa. They walk back to the car and they drive to Costia’s place.

***

“ _On y es,t_ ” (Here we are,) Lexa says once they arrive then asks, “ _T’es prête?_ ” (Are you ready?)

Clarke nods smiling as if she needed to prepare herself mentally to see Costia again. Lexa doesn’t know that she had seen Costia and had lunch together where they spent it talking about her.

Just as Lexa gets out of the car, Clarke thinks about telling her in case Costia would bring it up. She doesn’t want Lexa to think that she is hiding things from her but she feels a little bit ashamed to admit that she went to see Costia to talk about her.

“ _Lexa!_ ” Clarke calls out grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulls her against her. Lexa naturally wraps her arms around her waist and looks at her expectedly.

“ _Il faut que je te dise un truc av-“_ (I need to tell you something bef-)

“Here you are!” Costia’s voice interrupts them. Lexa turns and looks at Costia’s direction pulling slightly away from Clarke but without letting go of her, her hand on Clarke’s waist keeping her close.

 _“Pile à l’heure.”_ (Right on time.) Lexa lets out.

 _“Oui, mon amie.”_ (Yes, my friend.) Costia replies with an American accent before handing a small pastery box at Clarke adding, “ _Joyeux anniversaire, Clarke.”_ (Happy birthday, Clarke.)

“Thank you.” Clarke blushes.

***

Costia greets them warmly before walking them up to her apartment. Clarke cannot help studying Costia’s mannerism towards Lexa and realizes that even if she is way too handsy with Lexa for her taste, she is trying to be friendly and interacts with her as much as possible and not once does she talk about their lunch and their conversation.

She notices that Lexa is comfortable around them and looks constantly at her which makes her feel better, especially the little affectionate hand squeeze and pecks on the cheek she gave her when she was telling Costia about the place they found and how Clarke reacted.

It makes her feel somehow stupid at feeling jealous, Lexa looks happy and talks easily without reservation comparing to how she saw her back in the USA with her other friends. After the oddness of the first few minutes, Clarke feels less jealous, comfortable and more like she is with her own friends.

“The pastry I got you tastes heavenly with the freshly ground coffee.” Costia says putting the little pastry box on the table before leaving to her bedroom to bring the rest of Clarke’s gift Lexa left in her apartment.

Clarke does as advised and opens the pastry box and takes a bite before looking at Lexa, _“Tu en veux?”_ (You want some?)

 _“Non, merci.”_ (No, thanks.) Lexa replies but Clarke does not take ‘no’ for an answer, she takes some of the topping cream and rubs it on her lips then adds, “ _Moi si!”_ (I do!)

Lexa laughs and tries to pull back to wipe the cream off her lips but before she can do it, Clarke tugs her and smashes their lips together in a sloppy but chaste kiss then licks and sucks the cream off her lips letting out a pleased moan.

Lexa tries to shush Clarke against her lips not wanting Costia to hear them but it is too late. Costia is already back in the living-room carrying an easel stand with a red ribbon wrapped around it, both Lexa and Clarke’s eyes widen.

" _C’est magnifique,_ " Clarke says happily before pulling Lexa for another kiss. Lexa smiles then looks at Costia gratefully mouthing a silent ‘ _Thank you’_. Lexa bought the easel stand and the art supplies but she did not wrap them, Costia did it for her.

“Lexa, come help me!” Costia orders waving at Lexa to follow her. Lexa rushes after her friend to the bedroom and the second they step in Lexa grabs Costia’s wrist to have her attention.

“Thank you, Costia.” She says and Costia smiles back at her, “It’s only ribbons, Lexa.”

“I know but they look much better with it.”

“Let’s bring everything at once for your princess.” Costia winks making Lexa blush.

They take the bags left in there and go back to the living room where Clarke is waiting for them. Lexa is the first one to enter, she puts the bags in her hands on the coffee table next to the birthday girl.

“ _Encore une fois, bon anniversaire mon amour._ ” (Once again, happy birthday love.) Lexa says and Costia follows singing happy birthday.

Clarke feels her face aching from smiling so much. She gives Costia a friendly hug and thanks her.

“ _Merci mon amour._ ” (Thanks love.) Clarke says after checking all what Lexa got her and Lexa’s heart warms at the appellation. She can never get used to Clarke calling her ‘ _mon amour_ ’ or ‘ _ma chérie_ ’ (love or darling) and it is the first time she used it publically.

“ _Je voulais les installer dans notre maison mais-_ “ (I wanted to put them in our home but-) Lexa’s words die in her throat when Clarke wraps her arms around her.

Lexa kisses blonde hair discreetly before pulling back not wanting to make Costia uncomfortable.

“ _Maintenant on doit porter tout ça dans la voiture._ ” (Now we need to carry all of this to the car.)

Clarke looks at Lexa’s lips then back up at her eyes before taking a deep breath and nodding. She wants to kiss her but she refrains not wanting to abuse of Costia’s kindness, not wanting to hurt her feelings in case she still have any for Lexa.

Lexa felt her heart jolt in her chest when Clarke looked back up at her and smiled. She could feel what Clarke is feeling _– the urge to kiss one another –_ and she is more than happy that Clarke managed to pull away from her because she doubts she would have found the strength to do it herself if Clarke kept looking at her the way she did.

Just as they are about to leave, Clarke asks Costia to join them for lunch then spend the afternoon with them at home informing her that her friend Wells who is the son of Costia’s boss is going to be there too. She wants Lexa to have someone _– a friend, a familiar presence –_ with her knowing that once they get home there will only be her friends that Lexa does not know except for Wells.

Costia hesitates for a moment not wanting to intrude despite the easiness and the newly found comfort around each other but then under Clarke insistence, she ends up accepting.

**The Griffin’s Household;**

When Lexa finally manages to drive back to the Griffin’s household safely despite Clarke’s silly games. Teasing her while she is driving and Costia is sitting behind them, it becomes physically hard to step out of the car knowing that Wells is going to be there and that her girlfriend will be busy with her ‘ _friends_ ’.

“ _Je ne veux pas rentrer,_ ” (I don’t want to get in,) Clarke lets out and Lexa feels it deep inside her. She feels the same, she doesn’t want to share Clarke’s attention. She wants her all for herself, she misses her.

 _“Je sais mon amour, moi non plus._ _Mais ce n’est que pour quelques heures,"_ (I know love, me neither. But it’s only for a few hours,) Lexa tries to comfort her girlfriend even if she herself is dreading to step outside of the car and inside the house.

Costia clears her throat to remind the lovebirds that they are not alone in the car and that she can hear them. Even if she does not speak French, she understands a few words.

“Ok, it’s time for me to get out.”

Lexa blushes and looks at her in the rearview mirror. “Sorry, Cos,” She apologizes then looks back at Clarke and points out, “ _We’re_ getting out of this car and _we_ _are_ getting in where everyone is waiting for _you._ ”

Clarke pouts and Lexa’s heart swells in her chest, her eyes fall on Clarke’s lips. She wants to kiss her pout away but she quickly looks away as Costia opens the door and steps out of the car.

“ _Je suis là et je serai là même après que tout le monde soit parti._ " (I’m here and I’ll be there even after everyone leaves.) Lexa reassures her and Clarke smiles happily at the reminder.

Out of all the worst case scenario’s in Lexa’s mind for this moment, what happens is the least unexpected and even worse. Just as they get out of the car, the door opens and Wells rushes to Clarke and takes her in a bear hug and nestles his face in her hair.

Lexa does her best to not react but she cannot help giving him a death glare when he finally lets go of Clarke and looks at her and Costia. She knows Clarke loves her, she knows they are together so there is no need to feel threatened by him. But she is gnawed by the affectionate gesture _– or rather the **too** intimate embrace –_ and Clarke’s happy chuckle only evokes her jealousy.

"Costia?" Wells asks first ignoring Lexa. Costia smiles politely at him and says, " _Oui._ ”

“ _Le monde est petit,_ ” (What a small world,) He comments after greeting his father’s employee before looking at Lexa and greeting her with a fake friendly smile.

**********

After Lexa and Costia have been introduced, the birthday is celebrated as expected and Clarke finds herself surrounded by her friends leaving Lexa _alone_ with either Abby or Costia.

Her gaze flickers repeatedly to Lexa’s direction, she misses her and all she wants is to be the reason of that smile plastered on her face while chitchatting with Costia. She wants to be in Lexa’s arms instead of sitting with her friends. The only consolation she gets is when Lexa’s eyes meet hers and she smiles at her lovingly.

At first, Lexa is disturbed by Wells’ presence and behavior around her girlfriend. But quickly her attention is monopolized by Costia and Abby. It was a bit awkward to introduce an ex-girlfriend to the mother of the actual girlfriend. It felt like life was playing games with her dragging her from a weird situation to an even weirder one.

Abby ends up leaving Lexa alone with Costia after her pager went on. Once again, she can’t help glancing at Clarke. She notices that Wells is missing, she scans the room and sees him walking towards the kitchen so she decides to join him.

She excuses herself and follows him to have _the talk_ she needs to have and should have had a while ago. Not only did he wear out his welcome, but he is overstepping the boundaries with his unrequited and unnecessary display of affection with Clarke.

“ _Tu n'as pas changé d'un poil depuis la dernière fois qu’on s’est vu!_ ” (You’ve not changed a bit since the last time we saw each other) Lexa says as soon as she gets in the kitchen.

Wells is thrown off guard, he clearly was not expecting Lexa to ambush him like that. He puts the empty wine bottles he has in his hands on the kitchen isle and smirks, “ _Je ne peux en dire autant pour toi._ " (I can’t say the same for you.)

“ _Tu rodes toujours autour de ce qui ne t’appartient pas,_ ” (You still prowl around what’s not yours,) She adds with a death glare.

“ _Clarke n’est pas une propriété._ ” (Clarke is not a property.) Wells replies while grabbing a bottle.

It hits Lexa so hard she did not mean it this way, Clarke is not a property. She is her own person. What she meant is that Clarke is **her** girlfriend not **his** , she loves **her** and not **him**.

“ _Ce n'est pas ce que je voulais dire,"_ (That’s not what I meant,) Lexa defends but Wells ignores her leaving the kitchen and goes back to Clarke’s side. She closes her eyes feeling utterly frustrated, she never was one to use violence but at this moment all she can think about is pulling him back to the kitchen and punching him right in the face.

However, she cannot possibly do that. So instead, she takes a deep breath and goes back to the living-room where Costia is still on her own waiting for her. How can she blend when none of Wells’ and Clarke’s new friends talk English? Lexa is fine with it, at least she has her. Costia may calm her agitation, or not.

“Is it just me or Wells is shamelessly flirting with your girl?” Costia asks the minute Lexa gets back.

“Yeah, he is,” Lexa replies with a wretched voice. She deliberately sits where Abby was to avoid facing Clarke and Wells. The sight is too painful to handle and too irritating to not react.

Costia raises her eyebrow confused but it quickly becomes clear when she connects the dots, Lexa followed Wells to the kitchen, the look in her eyes is not the same she had when she left, her now very tight jaw, and she is giving Clarke and Wells her back instead of facing them like she was earlier.

“Don’t worry, she’s head over heels in love with you,” Costia says reaching for Lexa’s hand and caressing it soothingly. At this very moment Clarke looks at Lexa and notices it, she stands and joins them.

Costia smiles aware of Clarke’s reaction, it was not her intention to make her jealous but if it works to pull the blonde away from Wells and back in Lexa’s arms she is not going to apologize for it. She loves Lexa _– maybe not the same love as before –_ but she did not fight for her knowing that Lexa loves Clarke. Costia did not let her go to then see her heartbroken because of this stupid Wells. She let her go to see her happy because she loves her enough to do it.

This time she intentionally chuckles looking at Lexa who is confused, she did not utter a word and the situation is all but funny. Suddenly, she is startled by Clarke’s hand on her shoulder.

“Hey babe.”

Lexa forgets about Costia’s weird behavior in the second, she looks up at her favorite blue eyes and her lips subconsciously curl up in a smile.

“Why don’t you join us?” Clarke asks looking between Lexa and Costia.

“We’re just talking about the old days, catching up since none of your friends speak English,” Costia lies and Lexa’s eyes bulge but before she can say or do anything Clarke says, “Alright, I leave you to it then.” and leaves.

“What was that?”

“Thank me later, Lexa. She’s jealous.”

“What?” Lexa lets out frustrated, she doesn’t need jealousy in her relationship with Clarke after all the drama they have been through “This is…” She turns back to look at Clarke and finds her sitting this time much closer to Wells whispering something in his ear.

“Fucked up, Cos. Look! She’s doing it on purpose now.” Lexa replies angrily.

“Alright, that was a stupid move. I’m sorry but you’ve to talk to him and put him right back in his place.”

“How am I supposed to do that without punching him and causing a scene?” Lexa asks irritated then blurts ou,t “I think it’s him…I’m one hundred percent sure it’s him.”

Costia looks questioningly at her and Lexa elaborates, “I left a note for Clarke the morning I had to leave and just before that I fought with him. If it’s not him who took my note, it’s Abby or Jake which is very unlikely.”

“Are you serious?” Costia gapes shockingly.

“Dead serious.”

“Who would do that? I mean…maybe she just didn’t notice it and lost it before she could read it.”

“I might have punched him so…yeah he would do it.”

Costia stands up abruptly and says, “I’ve an idea, follow me”

Lexa curses between her lips following her friend to limit the foreseeable damage that will result from whatever is Costia’s sick idea.

Costia walks to Clarke’s direction and asks to have a word with her leaving Lexa the opportunity to talk with Wells once and for all. Lexa takes Clarke’s place and says, “We need to talk” knowing that Wells is the only one who can understand. He might not speak English very well but he understands it enough.

“ _Je t’écoutes,_ ” (I’m listening,) Wells replies calmly.

“You’ve done enough already. Sooner or later she’ll know but I’d rather not for it to happen today for the sole and simple reason that it’s her birthday so you better stop it,” Lexa says leaning close enough to him to hear.

“ _Je ne sais pas de quoi tu parles._ ” (I don’t know what you’re talking about.)

"I’m talking about hitting on my girlfriend whenever I’m not close," Lexa adds louder this time.

“You left her,” Wells spits out.

“I didn’t break up with her. You took her away from me,” Lexa accuses and Wells stutters, “I…I was young and….I’d a crush on her…she….it was a mistake, ok? It was just a stupid mistake and you did nothing to get her back either.”

**********

"Costia?" Clarke lets out with a defensive tone.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Costia says, “we weren’t talking about the past. We were talking about you. I tried to make you jealous and it’s stupid, I shouldn’t have.”

“I thought you’re not in love with her, at least not anymore so why wou-“

“I was trying to help Lexa,” Costia interjects.

“What?”

“Come on, Clarke. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice the way your friend Wells was flirting with you.”

“I…Wells? He’s just a friend. She knows it.”

“She does but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt her,” Costia says.

“That’s-“ Clarke is about to talk when Costia interrupts her again, “it was my idea not hers” She promises before adding, “I really don’t like Wells and I can assure you Lexa hates him. You should too.”

Clarke looks at Costia perplexed, “What makes you think Lexa hates him?”

“It was nice seeing you again, Clarke. I’ve to go,” Costia ignores Clarke’s question and leaves before she can stop her.

Clarke looks at Lexa and notices the expression on her face and the one on Wells’ face and understands that something is going on and it does not look like something good or nearly peaceful.

She walks to them and sits on Lexa’s lap wrapping her hands around her shoulders affectionately. Wells immediately takes off mumbling that he needs a refill, Clarke waits for him to be far enough before asking, “What’s wrong, babe?”

“Nothing,” Lexa fakes a smile and leans up giving Clarke a chaste kiss on the lips then another one on the cheek. She is trying hard to hide her anger after what Wells just told her, accusing her for leaving Clarke and breaking her heart on purpose.

It might be true, she left and she did not reach for her again _– she tried but she never managed to do it –_ however nothing would have happened if he did not take the note she left her.

Clarke decides to give Lexa a break and ask her again once they are alone.

“Costia left and I can’t wait for the others to do the same,” She confesses making Lexa smile genuinely this time, “Me too.”

“Really?”

Lexa nods and Clarke raises her eyebrows suggestively, she leans and whispers in her ear, “I’ve an idea. Why don’t we leave instead?”

“We can’t do that,” Lexa chuckles heartedly for the first time since they stepped in the house.

“I’ve a better idea, why don’t we go out for dinner with them and get back home alone!” Lexa suggests.

“You never cease to amaze me.” Clarke replies happily at the idea.

**********

Eventually, they end up asking everyone to join them for dinner. Lexa does her best to ignore Wells, he does the same and unlike earlier he keeps his hands to himself and they manage to be civil around each other at dinner for Clarke’s sake.

Clarke does not let go of Lexa a minute which keeps the brunette’s attention away from him. She knows something is up between these two but she does not want to ask them while they are not alone. Costia planted a seed of doubt and their behavior is only watering it.

Her doubts are confirmed when they are driving back home, Lexa keeps silent the whole ride but just as they are about to get out of the car she blurts out what has been in her mind the whole evening, “ _Tu m'as terriblement manqué._ ” (I missed you terribly.)

“ _Je suis là, et je ne suis pas prête de te lacher, t’inquiéte pas._ ” (I’m here, and I’m not ready to let you go, don’t worry.) Clarke reassures.

“ _Non, je parle pas de maintenant,_ ” (No, I’m not talking about now,) Lexa shakes her head, “ _je parle du passé._ _Aprés mon départ et combien tu m'as manqué, combien notre amitié m’a manqué._ ” (I’m talking about the past. After I left and how much I missed you, how much I missed our friendship.)

Clarke feels the pain in Lexa’s voice, she knows what she is talking about what she does not know is why she is bringing it back now? Lexa doesn’t give her the time to ask any question, she gets out of the car, rounds it and opens the door for her.

“ _Embrasse moi!_ ” (Kiss me!) She commands pulling Clarke against her.

Clarke gladly complies, she has been controlling herself the whole evening while all she wanted to do is kiss Lexa and be in her arms.

The kiss is not rushed, it is warm and soft. It is a lover’s kiss heavy with promises and passion. As Lexa lets Clarke’s lips free, she does not completely pull back she opens her eyes and looks into blue ones. Clarke feels Lexa’s eyes bore into her.

“ _Rentrons! Je veux me blottir contre toi,_ ” (Let’s go! I wanna snuggle against you,) Clarke says tugging Lexa with her.

When they get in, Lexa keeps silent and Clarke does not miss the way she barely looks at her. She decides to ask her, “ _Tu as l'air tendu. Qu'est ce qui cloche?_ ” (You look tense. What’s wrong?)

Lexa wants to tell Clarke about Wells but she does not want to ruin her day. She will have to do it eventually but not now, not yet. She wants to think about something happier like the future they are trying to build together.

“ _Rien, mon amour. Je pense à notre maison, c’est tout._ " (Nothing, love. I’m thinking about our home, that’s all.) Lexa replies as she starts undressing. Clarke looks at her disappointed. Once again, Lexa is hiding something from her.

“ _Lexa! Qu'est ce qui se passe avec Wells?_ ” (Lexa! What’s going on with Wells) This time Clarke asks firmly and Lexa sighs not wanting to talk about him.

“ _Je…c'est lui qui a pris la note que je t’ai laissé,_ " (I…it’s him who took the note I left you,) Lexa finally says feeling her heart breaking once again.

“ _Non, c'est impossible. Il ne fera jamais un coup pareil, c’est mon meilleur ami._ ” (No, it’s impossible. He would never do something like that, he’s my best friend.) Clarke defends him and it comes out like a bullet shot straight in Lexa’s heart.

Clarke does not realize that what she just said shows that she does not believe that Wells or someone took Lexa’s note. It somehow sounds like Clarke does not believe that Lexa left a note to begin with. ‘ _No, it’s impossible_ ’ the words echoes in Lexa’s head and her eyes well up in tears.

“ _Tu ne me crois pas. Tu ne crois pas que j’ai laissé une note avec mes coordonnées, n’est-ce pas ?_ " (You don’t believe me. You don’t believe that I left a note with my address, right?) Lexa lets out with a pained voice.

Clarke shakes her head, “ _Non, ce n’est pas ce-_ “ (No, it’s not wha-)

“ _Pourtant, c'est ce que tu viens de dire._ ” (Yet, that’s what you just said.) Lexa interrupts looking away to not let her tears show. Clarke’s heart breaks, she walks to her but the brunette shrinks away from her touch.

“ _Lexa, s’il te plait!_ ” (Lexa, please!) Clarke begs her own tears blurring her vision. She didn’t mean to hurt Lexa, she just don’t believe that Wells is the one who took her happiness.

Lexa cannot handle to look at her, she is hurting and Clarke is the one who just crashed all her happiness with a few words.

“ _Demande lui si tu ne me crois pas! Peut être tu le croira lui._ ” (Ask him if you don’t believe me! Maybe you'll believe him.)

Clarke feels stuck. Should she take her phone and call Wells? If she does, it means she doesn’t believe her and that she wants his confession in order to believe. Or should she ask Lexa to go with her to his place? It would be the same, it would mean she doesn’t believe Lexa.

She cannot do it even if she wants to hear Wells because she cannot believe that he could do such a terrible thing to her. He saw her crying, going through the worst period of her life after losing her father without the only person that could have made it better for her _– Lexa –_ yet he did let her suffering.

She is trapped, whatever she decides to do or say she is going to hurt Lexa. She walks again a few steps closer to Lexa and whispers, “ _Je ne sais plus quoi dire._ ” (I don’t know what to say anymore.)

Lexa is silent. She does not know what to reply either. She wants to leave the room, she wants to be somewhere else because she is hurt by Clarke’s reaction but she decides to stay because she doesn’t want to let Wells ruin them again, not this time. Instead she is going to fix it.

“The morning when I was about to leave, I came back in your room-” Before Lexa finishes what she is about to say Clarke interrupts her, “Lexa, I believe you. You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, you don’t. Please, let me finish,” Lexa lets out before continuing, "I saw Wells and we fought, he tried to keep me from getting in your room so I punched him. He was the only one who saw me with that note. If it’s not him then it’s Abby or Jake.”

Clarke looks at Lexa in disbelief, her tears spill down her cheeks. She regrets everything, she regrets the words she said to Lexa. She regrets not believing her, she regrets not giving Lexa the benefit of the doubt when she was younger, and she regrets not looking for her as her father asked.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke sobs, “It’s my fault! I...Lexa! I’m so sorry. I trusted Wells and I didn-“

Lexa wipes her tears shaking her head. This cannot be happening, not again. Wells is breaking their hearts and making them cry once again, everything they went through when losing one another is his fault. Yes, they could have tried harder and neither of them did something to stop the suffering they were enduring but nothing would have happened if he did not take the damn note from Clarke.

She closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around Clarke’s shoulders to comfort her but it only makes Clarke cry harder out of relief. She keeps sobbing and mumbling apologies while Lexa is trying to keep herself from crying again.

“Please, Clarke. Don’t cry,” She begs with a broken voice against Clarke’s hair, “not again, I’m here, we’re together…don’t let him break us apart again.”

Lexa felt her heart shatter when Clarke tightened her arms around her waist. She apologizes for not trying harder and or everything that happened. At her apologies, Clarke realizes that Lexa is feeling just like her. She pulls back from her chest and looks up at her, “I’m sorry for not believing.”

“I…it’s in our past. We suffered, I don’t want us to do again because we’re together Clarke, no matter what he did. we’re together again,” Lexa replies trying to stop her from crying. Clarke smiles weakly at her and smashes their lips together in a sloppy and needy kiss.

“Whatever happened to us, it broke me Clarke,” Lexa says once they pull apart to catch their breath. Her forehead against Clarke’s and eyes closed she adds remembering, “losing you was the hardest thing I had to experience and I don’t want to feel that pain ever again….I don’t want to lose you ever again.”

“You won’t,” Clarke whispers caressing Lexa’s cheek.

“We never know,” Lexa murmurs back devastated.

“I know, I do,” Clarke replies stubbornly taking Lexa’s face in her hands, looks deep in her eyes and adds, ”because like I told you before, I’m not letting you leave me ever again.”

“I never left you.” Lexa breathes out as a tear slides on her cheek.

They both feel the same ghost pain in their chests. Clarke closes her eyes not handling the sight of Lexa’s tears. She slides her hand down to Lexa’s chest and stops right over her heart and whispers, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that! But this is how I felt for so long…I’m sorry for not calling you...sorry for not finding that stupid note…I’m sorry for not looking for you but I promise that whatever life throws at us! We’ll face it together.”

Lexa tightens her hold around Clarke’s shoulders and peckers her with kisses all over her neck and hair then tilts her head back and says, “Let’s not talk about it ever again, Clarke.”

“I can’t,” Clarke shakes her head, “I need to tell you and I’ve to talk to Wells too.”

Lexa nods in understanding. Clarke needs to talk with Wells just like she wanted to do. They both need it somehow just like the talk even if it was painful, Lexa needed to hear Clarke apologize for the pain she long thought she was the one she inflicted her. And even if they are together, they never really talked heartedly about what happened and how broken they were. Lexa feels the need to tell Clarke more.

“Alright, as painful as it is we need to talk about it because I want you to know too,” Lexa says then adds, “and I want to know so we can move on for good. Do you think we can do it?”

“Yeah, but you go first,” Clarke replies bracing herself for what is she is going to hear. Lexa takes her hand and pulls her to the bed with her. She sits and taps on the bed gesturing for Clarke to join her. Clarke hops on the bed and snuggles against Lexa’s chest needing to feel her.

“For weeks, for months it felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, I cried myself to sleep every night. I tried to write you, I even tried to convince Finn to come to France with me so I can…I couldn’t do it by myself. I thought you regretted our first time or you were disgusted,” Lexa explains.

“You shouldn’t have!” Clarke whispers against her, “I loved you, I told you that I love you, you shouldn’t have doubted, not a second just like I shouldn’t have doubted you, you’re my best friend.”

Lexa smiles at her last words and returns, “I know. I should have known better, that you love me, you’re a good person and would never hurt me…but my insecurities and everything that time seemed different because you just disappeared and you weren’t there to remind me,” Lexa says doing her best to not cry.

Clarke is silent for a moment and Lexa thinks that she is asleep. She does not speak and enjoys feeling Clarke in her arms. Just as she closes her eyes to doze asleep, Clarke stirs in her arms and pulls back lightly to look into her eyes. She gives her a watery smile before telling her, “I never was able to love anyone else, I tried thinking that maybe I can forget about you but I failed. You were always in my mind and in my heart even if I wanted to hate you for some time, mostly after…my father’s death but I couldn’t do it.”

Lexa turns and blinks her tears away before looking back at Clarke. The words hurt her but she felt the same way at that time, she tried to hate Clarke too so she can stop feeling the pain caused by the void she left in her chest but it was impossible.

Clarke is the love of her life. She never stopped loving her. She can never hate her, no matter how hard she tries and it is mutual.

Lexa pulls Clarke for a chaste kiss then says, “I’m sorry for not being there for you when Jake died and I’m sorry for what happened to us. Now we need to let this behind us because it is tiring.”

“I’m not letting Wells get away with what he did, Lexa” Clarke disagrees.

“I know, we’ll talk to him,” Lexa reassures her then adds, “but we need to focus on ourselves now and I suggest we start with stopping the apologies.”

“We didn’t know that it would happen to us,” Clarke arguments and Lexa replies, “Exactly.”

“No more apologies, then what?” Clarke asks.

Lexa looks thoughtfully at Clarke then says, “Now we go shower and get in bed.”

“I’m exhausted, I don’t think I can even get in the shower now,” Clarke pouts.

“Come! I’ll take care of you,” Lexa says as she tugs Clarke with her. Clarke yelps in surprise when Lexa hoists her up in her arms and walks to the bathroom. Once they get there, Lexa puts Clarke down who starts undressing but Lexa stops her telling her that she is going to take care of her.

Clarke feels her heart thud hard against her chest looking at Lexa undressing her cautiously and leaving gentle kisses on both her cheeks first then her shoulders, her belly, and her thighs before undressing herself. She smiles when Lexa winces at the coldness of the water when she checks it and after making sure that the water is warm enough, Lexa takes Clarke’s hand and pulls her under the shower with her.

First, she lets the hot water relax their bodies and wash their tears away while caressing Clarke’s sides with her hands soothingly. Clarke pulls her against herself, wraps her hands around her waist and looks at her. Lexa’s eyes fall down to her lips, she wants them. She wants to kiss them and she has been craving them since they stepped into Costia’s apartment. Clarke leans up and kisses her, Lexa melts in her embrace.

The sweetness and the tenderness of Clarke’s lips is addictive. The feeling of Clarke’s skin against her own is overwhelming just as the first time. Lexa has never felt so good, Clarke heals her wounds even the deepest ones.

When their lips finally part, Lexa washes herself quickly. Clarke wants to help but Lexa doesn’t let her silencing her with chaste kisses not wanting to get hard because she was emotionally exhausted. Then, she washes Clarke’s body with slow careful gestures while Clarke is staring at her. She takes the opportunity and touches Lexa grabbing her buttocks and pulling her flush against her.

Clarke wanted Lexa to touch her and she wanted to feel her inside her to sooth her aching core again and again but Lexa refused dragging her out of the bed first then she took her to Costias’ and they had lunch with her instead of going back to her hotel like she suggested and again she dragged her back home where everyone was waiting for them which means she had to wait longer.

“I want you, Lexa,” Clarke utters huskily. Lexa feels herself growing hard against Clarke’s hot and wet skin. As a response, Lexa claims her lips in a searing kiss easing all the pain, missing and worries they both felt today.

“Let’s get out of the shower first,” Lexa instructs when their lips part. She pulls Clarke out of it wrapping their bodies in towels before lifting Clarke again and taking her back to her bedroom.

When Lexa tries to put her down, Clarke does not let go. She pulls Lexa on top of her on the bed and wraps her legs around her waist. She wants Lexa and she is not going to wait. Lexa chuckles falling on top of Clarke and between her legs, she manages to keep her weight from completely crashing Clarke, looks into her eyes and asks, “I’m trapped, right?”

Clarke nods and pulls her down for a kiss before tugging at the towel wrapped around her body, “Take it off, I want to feel you.”

Lexa unwraps her towel then Clarke’s before carefully laying on top of her letting their skin touch, feel and ease the distress they have endured earlier talking about their painful past. Clarke closes her eyes and puts her hands flat on Lexa’s back to caress her. Lexa does the same to her sliding her hands on her body and leaving soft kisses on her neck and down to her breasts.

Lexa makes love to Clarke lazily, she wants to take her time and feel her the way she never did. Her senses need it and her body craves her. It seems like both her mind and body forgot about how exhausted they were.

She loves the way her now sweaty skin feels against Clarke’s, she loves breathing the same air with Clarke, the way Clarke’s hot breath and whines die against her lips and in her mouth. She loves the way Clarke’s soft tongue feels, the way her teeth feel nipping at her skin, and she lives for the sweet words Clarke murmurs against her skin expressing her jealousy.

But what Lexa loves the most is the way Clarke’s walls hugs her so perfectly sucking her inside, and how welcoming they are. Warm, velvety, wet and tight around her.

She feels her heart burning along with her at the noises Clarke lets out each time she bottoms out and it only boosts her to hit them again and again until Clarke comes apart and not long after she does too.

**USA; The next day;**

**Anya’s appartment;**

Anya was always, always a punctual person. She always makes sure to be on time for whatever appointment she has even the most insignificant ones. Her secret is to set a timer for every task she has to do even her morning routine.

However, this was before she started spending her nights with Raven. Now, she is able to have her twenty minutes morning routine in five to ten minutes top. A drastic change in her agenda that she does not mind or at least the new Anya does not.

The only problem she has with this change is that she does not come to the office before everyone _– half an hour at least before everyone like she used to do –_ now she arrives right on time which confuses some of the people she has to work with.

“Raven, we’re late,” She lets out nervously.

“We’re early,” Raven replies walking slowly behind Anya who is rushing her steps.

“You’re a bad influence.”

“You’re the one who started and made us late or on time in my world,” Raven comments referring to the bed activities Anya started when they woke up.

“Just get in the car,” Anya replies before driving them to work. She spends most of the ride to work talking on the phone as the ones she is used to work with from all over the world at this time are not aware of the change in her personal life which has an effect on her agenda.

“You work too much, An,” Raven comments after the fourth phone call Anya receives.

“I would have had these calls in the office if you were not in my bed this morning.”

“That can be arranged if you want your morning phone calls in the office,” Raven replies with a smirk.

“What I mean is that you can’t blame them! I’ve always been on-” Anya says but she is interrupted by Raven, “Early, yes but now you’ve a life and a girlfriend. You should inform them because you should have spent these moments-”

Anya’s phone rings again and she replies interrupting Raven, what she was certainly not expecting is to hear Finn’s voice. She talks to him hesitantly not knowing if she should or not, he first asks her politely about how she is doing and about Raven before asking her about Lexa and more exactly of when she will be back.

Anya does not know what to answer, if she tells him the truth he might not like it and do something that he should not do but if she lies he is not going to like it either so she simply tells him that she is driving and that she will call him back once she is in the office.

Then, just after he hangs up she calls the security and instructs them to expect Finn and to let her know if he ever tries anything.

Raven keeps silent, she does not want to ask her what he needed because she clearly did not want her to know or at least this is what it seemed like. The last few minutes of the ride can be only described by two words, weird and silent.

When they finally arrive and get out of the car Raven does not give Anya a last kiss before getting in the office building like she has done the last few days instead she wishes her ‘ _have a nice day_ ’ and Anya does not like it.

She follows Raven to her office and closes the door behind her. Raven turns back and frowns, Anya does not give her a chance to place a word and asks worried, “Are you mad?”

Raven’s frown becomes more prominent.

“No,” She denies,“I don’t care, Anya. I know you’re a workaholic.”

“I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about Finn,” Anya explains.

“I…I don’t care either,” Raven shrugs, “It’s work and you had to stick to Lexa’s decisions.”

“But what do you think about all of this?” Anya asks and Raven takes a moment before replying, “It doesn’t matter what I think, I’m not in charge here!”

“I am, and I want to know what you think,” Anya says looking at her expectantly then adds, “please!”

Raven sighs sitting on her chair, she does not want to interfere or talk about Finn with Anya. They made a sort of deal, a promise to not talk about Lexa and Finn and the drama that ensued between them to not jeopardize their relationship but here is Anya asking her to do it.

“I think that even if I understand Lexa’s worries and move pushing Finn away like a vermin, it still isn’t fair because he has the right to be here and you know it.”

Anya nods, “I know but Lexa would never have done it if he didn’t provoke her.”

“Yeah, he was stupid enough to wake the commander in her but this is who he is, emotional. He’s a sweet guy but whenever he’s hurt, he does stupid shit. Lexa knows it and I’m afraid this restraint order is only going to make things worse.”

“I hope not,” Anya blurts out thoughtfully. Raven is right and she is the one who knows him best. If she thinks that it is going to make things worse, then it will probably.

“You should call him back,” Raven’s voice brings Anya from her thoughts. She looks at her and confesses, “I don’t know what to tell him!”

“About what?”

“He wants to know when Lexa is coming back?” Anya informs and Raven grimaces, “He’s not going to like the answer.”

“I’m not calling him back,” Anya decides and Raven keeps herself from commenting because she would not do that. It will only make him suspicious and push him to do something stupid.

“You didn’t kiss me in the parking lot,” Anya whispers as she sits on the edge of Raven’s desk. Raven chuckles because she finds it funny that the role are reversed now. She is the one who asks for a kiss and sits on the edge of Anya’s desk not the other way around.

“Then kiss me.” Raven says and Anya does the unexpected leaning down and smashing their lips together. The kiss takes Raven’s breath away and before she can deepen it, Anya pulls back with a smirk on her face, “See you tonight.” and stands up walking to the door.

“I..Anya wait!” Raven stops her. Anya looks back at her loving the sight of her lipstick on Raven.

Raven hesitates for a moment then asks, “Want me to help you tonight?”

“I….no I don’t want you to stay late for me.”

“I love…I like it. I wanna help, I mean I don’t mind,” Raven says with a blush. She doesn’t understand what is going on with her, with her behavior. She is usually confident and now she is stuttering like a stupid teenage boy asking his crush for a date.

“Ok.” Anya simply replies wiping the stain of her lipstick and Raven feels her heart about to burst out of her chest.

“Pizza or…do you want real food at my place?” She chuckles nervously.

“I don’t know, we’ll see,” Anya smiles and leaves quickly not wanting to be around any longer especially after the words Raven said or more like stuttered. She did not miss the way Raven became nervous after she uttered the word. It only confuses her further ‘ _Was Raven about to tell her the three words? Did she regret the slip up?_ ’ Anya decides to not overthink it, she has to focus on her work and she has to find a solution for Finn.

**Later that day;**

_Video call…_

Anya is surprised when Lexa appears on her screen with a bright smile. It is not her smile that is surprising but her outfit or the lack of it. Lexa is naked and the only thing which is covering her privacy is a towel wrapped around her.

Anya might be her best friend but she never saw her like that, Lexa has always been reserved when it comes to her body but now she is proudly displaying it. Anya wishes Raven is here to see that, she would make the most hilarious comments and won’t stop teasing Lexa for the rest of her life.

“Hey, how are you? It’s been a while,” Lexa speaks first.

“I’m fine. You?” Anya asks back.

“I’m good,” Lexa nods reassuringly and Anya smiles at her, “You look...good. Much better than last time.”

Lexa feels her cheeks burning. “How is Raven? I miss her…I miss you guys!”

“She’s fine” Anya simply replies then Lexa asks the inevitable question, “How is work?” at the same moment Clarke enters the room and starts a striptease getting Lexa’s attention.

“Actually good but I called to tell you something not work related,” Anya says hesitating whether she should tell Lexa about Finn’s call or not.

“What is it?” Lexa asks looking behind her screen, her eyes on Clarke and her ears with Anya but her best friend doesn’t notice, she drops the bomb, “It’s Finn.”

Clarke hears it and quickly bends down giving Lexa a more enticing show, she does not want someone else to ruin her time with Lexa. The previous day, it was Wells and now it is going to be Finn.

Lexa doesn’t react. In fact, she doesn’t even move and Anya thinks that her laptop is bugging “Lexa?”

“Sorry, you were saying?” Lexa looks back at her screen and Anya gets it, her best friend is distracted by what is behind her screen and it is obviously Clarke.

“I’ve a feeling that Clarke is naked behind the screen, isn’t she?” Anya asks bluntly.

Lexa clears her throat shaking her head, “No, no. I’m…alone.”

Anya looks suspiciously at Lexa on her screen then decides to tell her only later. She has never seen Lexa so happy before and she does not want to ruin her happiness.

“Alright, I’ll call-“ Clarke hops on the bed and closes Lexa’s mac interrupting the video call before Anya finishes her words.

“It’s my time, you’ll have plenty of time once you’re back there to talk about work. I know you’ll even forget about me,” Clarke says moving to sit on Lexa’s lap.

“It will never happen,” Lexa replies quickly and Clarke adds, “Just let’s forget about everyone and everything for a few days, just you and me.”

All Clarke wants after the tiresome evening they had the day before, is to have Lexa for her as much as she can and without being interrupted or sharing her attention with anyone else. She is jealous of whoever comes near Lexa and takes her away from her, she is childishly jealous of whatever has Lexa’s attention.

“Your wish is my command,” Lexa whispers before undressing and smashing her lips against Clarke’s.


	21. Chapter 21

**A week later; France;**

**Clarke’s bedroom;**

Lexa managed to keep herself and particularly Clarke busy enough to not think about Wells. She knows that Clarke wants to talk to him but she prefers to leave it for later rather than sooner. In addition, Wells did not show up either which was better that way.

When she was not busy with the legal documents and process to finalize the purchase of their house, she occupied herself with Clarke in designing it, which was the best part.

She never thought that they would manage to find a middle ground as easily as they do when they are trying to figure out how to make their new home. She thinks that is because they are so perfect for one another, or maybe it is just because they are in love. Either ways, Lexa is happy and proud to be Clarke’s partner once again, to be her best friend and her girlfriend even if sometimes it feels like there is not so much difference.

For the first time in a week, she has nothing planned for the day but a lazy morning in bed with Clarke. She loves waking up with her and what she loves the most is appreciating her morning tenderness. Nothing feels as amazing as Clarke’s caresses and lazy kisses, nothing feels as cozy as her warm and soft skin against her own.

“When are we going to talk about it?” Clarke asks bringing Lexa back from her thoughts.

“About what?” Lexa asks back against Clarke’s skin, face buried in her neck. She hopes that Clarke doesn’t have Wells in mind.

“About what are we going to do? About when you’ll have to go back to the US?”

Lexa painfully pulls back from Clarke’s neck to look at her and asks with a pout on her lips, “Do we have to do it now?”

Clarke chuckles lightly, “Why do you have somewhere else to be?”

“Actually, yes,” Lexa answers scooting down to Clarke’s waist, brushing up the hem of her t-shirt then starts kissing her way back up to Clarke’s breasts. It is soft and tender, almost ticklish as Lexa’s voluptuous lips scarcely brush against her skin.

“That’s not-“ Clarke’s words die in her throat when Lexa wraps her lips around her nipple. Her hand systematically finds its way into Lexa’s brown locks.

Lexa presses herself against Clarke’s side needing to feel her as much as possible, she cannot help letting her hand wander down Clarke’s body but the second her fingers reach the hem of Clarke’s panties, the blonde stops her, “Lexa, Wait!”

Lexa looks up at her to hear what she has to say but she does not stop her fingers in their quest to find Clarke’s clit and massages it. Clarke’s eyes shut close at the feeling of Lexa’s slender and talented fingers building up her arousal so early in the morning while her senses are somehow enhanced. Feeling Lexa moving and rubbing lazily at her side makes things even harder for Clarke to keep her mind in track and stop Lexa to talk to her.

“Lexa, please!” Clarke breathes out but she doesn’t know what she is begging for, is it for Lexa to stop and have the talk? Or for her to give her more? She wants to know where they are going to settle permanently now that Lexa has bought the house. However, with the sweet distraction that Lexa is giving her it becomes difficult to think about anything else.

She definitely wants more of what Lexa has in mind.

Lexa smiles loving the sight, Clarke is begging her eyes closed with her breasts proudly on display, her nipples are now perked and glistening and her soft skin at the sides of her breasts is reddish due to her nipping.

“Want me to stop, babe?” Lexa asks teasingly.

Clarke chuckles at her dorkiness and opens her eyes, “I don’t think you can do it. You’re getting hard.”

Lexa blushes and stops moving, she didn’t know how she ended up rubbing herself at Clarke’s side.

“Don’t stop,” Clarke quickly adds, “I was enjoying it since we’re avoiding to talk.”

“I’m not avoiding anything. I just wanna enjoy a lazy morning with you…in bed.” She takes her hand out of Clarke’s underwear and continues seriously, “I thought it’s pretty clear what we’re going to do now.”

“It’s not. It’s even unclear now we’ve a place here.”

“Oh, you’re still talking about that,” Lexa quips before adding, “I didn’t know it’s bothering you that much to choose it over having morning sex.”

“It’s not bothering me and I’m still having the morning sex, don’t worry,” Clarke answers making Lexa laugh, “what I mean is that with your work there and the thing with Finn, I doubt we’ve a choice.”

“Clarke, I bought a house here for a reason,” She explains, “I want a home with you and no one is going to take that away from me.”

“I know but it would be unfair to ask you to leave everything there and come here,” Clarke replies guiltily, she refused to do anything for anyone ever again even if it is for Lexa and now she regrets.

She feels selfish and unworthy of her love, all Lexa does is to be with her, so they can be together.

“You’re not asking. And it’s not unfair.”

“Then what?” Clarke asks and Lexa decides to continue her conversation more comfortably so she scoots up and lies on her side then wraps her arm around Clarke’s waist flipping her on her side as well to face her.

“You want to know where we’re going to live?”

Clarke nods and Lexa answers, “I don’t know about you but I would love us to have a life here.”

“What about your company?”

“I can work from here, have an office and everything. It’ll take time and energy of course but it’s not impossible. I’ll have to go back eventually but only for a few days…whenever you’re ready to let me go.”

“I’m not,” Clarke lets out caressing Lexa’s face.

“I know, me neither,” Lexa whispers back, “I want to live here, I want to raise our kids here.”

Clarke feels her heart fluttering in her chest, her lips curl up in a smile.

“Don’t you want them to grow up in a fancy mansion where their mom grew up?”

“I grew up here with you…my work might be there and everything but I had a dull life and I don’t want them to live in a big cold and isolated mansion.”

“It won’t be cold, we’ll be there. Our kids will fill it with joy,” Clarke interjects dreamily.

“I know, we’ll go there from time to time but I really want to have my life here.”

“Now I’m trapped.”

“Why?” Lexa asks confused.

“Well, I might have found a job there that I’m interested in so I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh, ok,” Lexa lets out remembering Abby’s words about Clarke then adds, “why don’t we leave the serious talk for later when I’m not hard.”

“You are?” Clarke asks and Lexa nods biting her lip.

“Let me check,” Clarke says as she moves her hand down between them to Lexa’s boxers and massages her then after a moment she adds, “You’re not really hard.”

Lexa pulls Clarke for a searing and sloppy kiss while Clarke’s hand is working her up.

When her phone rings, Lexa breaks the kiss, “They can wait, don’t answer.”

“I wasn’t going to answer. I want…this,” Clarke replies punctuating her answer with a squeeze of her hand. Lexa cannot take it anymore, she takes her hand away before moving on top of her and reconnecting their lips. Clarke moans when Lexa pushes her thighs apart and rubs herself where she needs her the most.

She wraps her arm around Lexa’s shoulders deepening the kiss and pushes her hand into her boxers kneading at her buttocks while helping her to grind harder against her. Then, she loses her patience and pushes her boxers down enough to free Lexa’s hard on. Lexa’s breath hitches when she feels herself against now Clarke’s damp panties, she bites at Clarke’s lip before breaking the kiss and whispers against her lips, “You’re so wet this morning.”

Clarke smiles whispering back, “Cause I want you inside me.”

Lexa quickly pushes Clarke’s panties to the side and brushes her cock between her wet silk folds teasing her at first. Clarke lets out a, ‘ _Fuck_ ’ before begging for more. Lexa complies once her cock is lubed up enough pushing slowly into Clarke, her eyes never leaving hers.

Needing to feel more of her, Clarke lifts Lexa’s t-shirt letting the skin of their bellies touch while Lexa is lazily moving in and out of her. Again, their lips find each other in a hot but sloppy kiss.

Clarke regrets wasting her time talking instead of feeling Lexa setting a deliciously slow pace into her, feeling the weight of her body sliding against hers and looking into her green eyes while she is making love to her. She delights in nipping Lexa’s skin from her earlobe to the column of her neck. Lexa does not mind even if she will have to hide her bruised neck so Abby won’t see them, it feels too good to care.

She does her best to last long, she wants to keep herself buried in Clarke. She doesn’t want her to come, she wants to keep her over the edge as long as she can because she wants to feel the clamping of Clarke’s warm velvety walls around her longer. She doesn’t want to stop making love to her, she wants it to last forever but it becomes impossible when Clarke whines in her ear, ‘ _Faster_ ’ and, ‘ _Make me come._ ’

Lexa obeys giving Clarke what she wants before coming seconds later then she flips them over wanting to have Clarke in her arms a little longer. Clarke smiles contently when Lexa wraps her arms and her leg around her to not let her go.

After a few silent minutes, Clarke tries to speak but Lexa hushes her, “just a few more minutes, please.”

Clarke closes her eyes and enjoys the moment with Lexa until her phone buzzes again. She ignores it but it seems that the caller is persistent, Lexa whines when Clarke leaves the bed.

She takes her phone and instantly her face features harden. Lexa doesn’t need to ask to know who it might be, Wells. Clarke throws her phone back and walks to the door to get a shower but Lexa stops her, “Clarke, wait!”

Clarke looks back at her waiting to hear what she wants to say but Lexa seems to have something else in her mind. She hops off the bed and grabs Clarke’s phone and gives it to her, “Pick up, you wanted to talk to him. Didn’t you?”

“I’m not talking to him…not now,” Clarke shakes her head and leaves her bedroom without looking back. Lexa sighs and puts Clarke’s phone down before looking for her sweatpants. Even if she doesn’t want to have anything to do with Wells anymore and she is not ok with the idea of Clarke talking to him, she knows that it must be done. And the longer they wait, the harder it gets, and the longer it keeps lingering in their minds.

She doesn’t want to pressure Clarke, she understands but she feels like they have to do it. Talk with Wells once and for all to clear him from their mind and move forward in their lives. She decides to talk Clarke into it after she takes her morning coffee.

However, it seems like nothing goes as planned for Lexa today. After they both showered then got dressed, they walk in the kitchen to have breakfast but they are interrupted by someone knocking on the door which is none but Wells.

Lexa is the one who opens the door, she doesn’t find the strength in her to be civil enough and greet him.

“ _Tu n'aurais pas dû venir,_ ” (You shouldn’t have come,) She spits out.

“ _Je suis venu voir Clarke, pas toi,_ ” (I came to see Clarke, not you,) Wells replies looking over her shoulder for Clarke.

Lexa feels her anger boiling up.“ _Attends ici, je vais voir si elle te laisse entrer._ " (Wait here, I'll see if she lets you in.)

Lexa doesn’t close the door, she goes to find Clarke and Wells steps in following her and starts calling for Clarke like a mad man.

“ _Je t’ai dit d’attendre,_ ” (I told you to wait,) Lexa lets out angrily. When she begins pushing him back to the door, Clarke shows up in the living-room

“ _Qu'est-ce que tu veux, Wells?_ ” (What do you want, Wells?)

“ _Te parler,_ ” (Talk to you,) Wells replies shoving Lexa’s hand off his arm and walks inside the living-room. Lexa follows him and stands protectively next to Clarke.

Wells looks between them before focusing on Clarke, “ _Je ne sais pas ce qu'elle t'a dit, Clarke mai-_ “ (I don’t know what she told you, Clarke bu-)

“ _Elle m'a dit ce qui s'est passé ce jour-là, maintenant je veux l'entendre de toi,_ " (She told me what happened that day, now I wanna hear it from you,) Clarke interjects firmly.

" _Clarke, t’es ma meilleure amie et j'avais le béguin pour toi ... j'étais jeune et stupide. Je n'ai jamais voulu te blesser, je ... je ne pensais pas que-_ " (Clarke, you're my best friend and I had a crush on you...I was young and stupid. I never meant to hurt you, I...I didn't think that-) Wells tries to explain stuttering but Clarke interrupts him angrily this time.

“ _Tu te fous de moi? Tu m'as regardé pleurer et souffrir pendant des mois mais tu ne m'as jamais donné ce putain bout de papier, quel meilleur ami waw!_ " (Are you kidding me? You watched me cry and suffer for months but you never gave me that damn piece of paper, what a best friend waw!) She lashes out and Lexa puts her hand on her back trying to calm her but Clarke moves away from her touch feeling too irritated to be soothed.

“ _Je sais que j'ai merdé, je suis désolé mais j'étais stupide et j'avais peur de te perdre._ " (I know I messed up, I'm sorry but I was stupid and I was afraid to lose you.)

“ _Tu n'as pas juste merdé, Wells. T’as vraiment tout foutu en l’air et il n'y a rien que tu puisses dire, aucune excuse que tu peux donner pour réparer le mal que tu m'as causé, que tu_ nous _as causé._ " (You didn’t just mess up, Wells. You really fucked up and there’s nothing you can say, no excuse you can make to undo the harm you caused me, you caused _us_ ).

Nothing he says can undo the thing he has done. She wants to say something, she wants to yell at him and she even wants to punch him for his audacity to come and apologize as if it was nothing but she doesn’t want to waste her energy on him.

He is not worth it and she talked with Clarke about what happened to them the other night, the can of worms was opened and everything is clear between them now so she doesn’t need to talk or argue about it anymore. She turned the page of this chapter of her life that night, and she isn’t going to flip back the pages.

“ _Ne dis pas ça, Clarke. Nous sommes amis et parfois les amis foutent la merde...ça arrive mais ça ne veut pas dire-_ " (Don’t say this, Clarke. We’re friends and sometimes friends fuck up…it happens but it doesn’t mean-) Clarke doesn’t let him finish again and spits out with disgust, “ _Ne prononce plus mon nom et nous ne sommes en aucun cas des amis._ " (Don’t say my name again and we’re not friends.)

“ _Un ami ne laisse pas sa meilleure amie pleurer son père pendant des mois en ayant la seule chose dont elle a besoin pour l’aider à se sentir un peu mieux mais la garde pour lui quand même juste pour ne pas le perdre._ " (A friend doesn’t let his best friend cry her father for months while having the only thing she needs to help her feel a little better, but keeps it from her anyway just to not lose her.)

“ _J'allais te le dire mais…_ " (I was going to tell you but…) Wells answers weakly and it only pokes at Clarke’s nerves.

" _Arrête de mentir, Wells. Tu aurais pu me dire quand je t’ai dit que je suis de nouveau en contact avec Lexa et que nous sommes ensemble. C'était ta dernière chance mais tu as choisi de ne pas-_ " (Stop lying, Wells. You could have done it when I told you that I'm in touch with Lexa again and that we're together. It was your last chance but you chose not to-)

Abby walks in the house confused and lets out loudly, “ _C'est quoi tout ce boucan?_ ” (What’s all this noise?)

Everyone keeps silent and look back at Abby, with the faces they had she didn’t need an answer, it was pretty clear. Clarke is the first one to answer, “ _Rien, maman. Ne ferme pas la porte, Wells allait partir.”_ (Nothing, mom. Don't close the door, Wells was going to leave.)

“ _Non, personne ne sort d'ici avant de m'avoir expliqué ce qui se passe,_ " (No, nobody leaves before explaining to me what's going on,) Abby orders as she closes the door giving Lexa a knowing look.

Lexa feels uncomfortable, Abby might think that she is the one responsible for what is happening because she told her how she doesn’t like nor trust Wells. Neither her nor Clarke told Abby about what happened which explains the accusing look she is giving her.

“ _Maman s'il te plait, pas maintenant,_ ” (Mom please, not now,) Clarke says before looking at Wells and adds angrily, “ _N'ose plus jamais revenir ou m'appler._ ” (Don’t you ever dare come back or call me.)

“Clarke!” Abby lets out in a warning tone then looks at Wells and asks him to not leave. Wells looks at Clarke hesitantly to see if she is going to interject while Lexa is speechless not knowing what to say or do now that Abby is added in the equation.

“ _S’il ne part pas, c’est moi qui le fait,_ " (If he doesn’t leave, I do,) Clarke replies harshly and Lexa takes it as a clue to interfere now before things get even worse between Clarke and Abby.

“ _S'il te plait, mon amour. Ta maman ne demande qu’avoir des explications,_ ” (Please, love. Your mom is only asking for explanations,) Lexa says as she grabs her wrist and stops her from leaving. Clarke looks at her for a moment then back at her mother before walking to the couch with Lexa and sits there silently.

“ _Je ferais mieux de partir maintenant,_ " (I'd better leave now,) Wells blurts out and Abby frowns at him. She made herself clear that no one leaves before she understands what is happening and solving whatever argument they were having. Before she can say anything Lexa speaks again, “Abby, it’s better if he leaves.”

Abby looks at Lexa and nods, she trusts her even if she first thought that what was happening in her home when she arrived is mainly because of Lexa’s jealousy.

“ _Je vois! Tout le monde veut que Wells parte, même lui,_ " (I see! Everyone wants Wells to leave, even him,) Abby says before walking Wells to the door then comes back and finds Lexa comforting her daughter.

“ _Je vous écoute,_ ” (I’m listening,) Abby says looking at Lexa expecting her to be the one to explain what was happening since Clarke is still shook from it and did not want to do it when she first asked her.

However, Lexa keeps silent and lets Clarke explain to her mother the reason she lashed out at Wells and asked him to leave and never call her ever again. Despite what she tells her, Abby disagrees with Clarke’s behavior. She indirectly blames Lexa for telling Clarke, saying that they should not dwell on the past which will only come back to ruin their present.

“If you could have had additional years with dad and someone took it from you, would you forgive him?” Clarke asks out of nowhere.

First Abby is thrown off guard by her daughter’s question, she was not seeing it the way Clarke is but she quickly regains her senses and replies, “It’s not the same, Clarke. Your father is dead, Lexa is alive.”

“Exactly, mom. She was alive and she loved me and I was thinking that she hated me, that she played me…that she abandoned me,” Clarke tries to explain the difference the way she sees it.

Abby does not comment further, she doesn’t know what to say. She remembers the pain Clarke was in and realizes that she was betrayed by her friend. The one she thought is her friend, broke her heart and watched her living it without even doing something to make easier or redeeming himself.

“ _L’erreur est humaine, le pardon divin,_ ” (To error is human, forgiveness is divine,) Abby lets out hoping for Clarke and Lexa to find it in them to forgive Wells then adds, “ _Je te parle à toi aussi, Lexa._ ” (I’m talking to you too, Lexa.)

Lexa nods then looks at Clarke and squeezes her tightly in her arms even if earlier she moved away from her touch. She smiles when she feels Clarke sinking into her safe and familiar warmth that she finds rather soothing now that Wells is not around.

**Later that day;**

Lexa gets in Clarke’s bedroom feeling exhausted. When waking up this morning, she thought she is going to have a lazy and relaxing day but things went the other way. The day has been almost as emotionally exhausting as the evening of Clarke’s birthday.

After the conversation Clarke had with Wells and Abby, Lexa decided to take her out a little bit and keep her mind off what happened. It worked but not easily, Clarke kept trying to talk about Wells and her mother but Lexa did her best to change the topic. She wanted to talk about it too but Clarke was not receptive, all she was doing is complaining and she was too much angry to have any constructive conversation with anyone about anything.

Lexa unbuttons her shirt, folds it neatly before taking off her pants and putting her pajamas and collapsing on Clarke’s bed. A minute later, Clarke joins her in the middle of the bed and says, “Thank you for being here. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Lexa props her head on her hand and looks at Clarke with a smile, “You would have done the same for me.”

Clarke reaches for her face and caresses her cheek looking lovingly at her, “I’m lucky to have you.”

“We’re both lucky,” Lexa grins before kissing Clarke’s lips chastely.

“I know someone who’s not,” Clarke quips and Lexa frowns questioningly.

“Anya or whoever kept calling you,” Clarke answers. In fact, Lexa kept rejecting Anya’s calls and did not even check her email in case she sent her something and it is only now Clarke mentioned it that she remembers.

“She would have texted me if it was that urgent.”

“She’s going to hate me even more,” Clarke chuckles, “I’m keeping you here selfishly while they need you too.”

“There’s no place I’d rather be than here,” Lexa reassures her, “They can handle a few days without me.”

“What about Finn?”

“He’ll have to wait too.”

“I think we should go. I’ll check if the job is worth it and you’ll have plenty of time to start whatever you have in mind with Finn, what do you think?” Clarke suggests.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks hesitatingly and Clarke nods then wraps her arm around Lexa. “I don’t see what’s keeping us here any longer.”

“The house, babe. I won’t leave until everything is settled.”

“That can take forever,” Clarke says and Lexa smiles.

“It takes as long as it takes, I’m not leaving until we have it.”

Clarke does not say anything and they fall into a comfortable and safe silence. No words need to be uttered despite the thoughts running in their minds. She tries to enjoy being with her girlfriend, no one else around.

Eventually, Lexa breaks the silence whispering a question, “How are you feeling?”

Clarke takes a moment to think about her reply before answering, “Never been better.”

“No, I mean about Wells and your mom.”

“I don’t really want to talk about him. I’m just sorry you had to be in the middle of it.”

“I…I didn’t know what to say or do. In one hand there was you, my girlfriend…and in the other your mom-”

“Your best friend” Clarke corrects her.

“You’re my best friend, she is my friend…a friend I really like who’s also a mother figure,” Lexa says shyly then continues, “and I was clueless because I didn’t know where to stand. Only I know what you were feeling and know how much we lost but in the other hand a part of me agreed with Abby.”

Clarke pulls back from Lexa to have a better look at her, “About what?”

“When she said we shouldn’t dwell on the past. I mean she was right, Clarke. We’re together now.”

“I know but I can’t just forgive him, Lexa. He betrayed me for years and even this time around. And I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me when I told you that I met him again.”

“I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to ruin your friendship just because I was jealous,” She replies guiltily. Clarke looks at her with a weak smile then hugs her tightly and whispers, “I love you.”

The three words are loaded and Lexa can almost feel the difference in Clarke’s tone. She knows the way she is feeling, everything that happened reminded her of the negative feelings she had and all the sadness she went through after losing her best friend.

**Griffin Household; Morning;**

Clarke and Lexa might have been best friends since they were kids and they might be lovers now but they are absolutely not compatible to team up for the simplest task as doing breakfast. A simple thing that both can easily do if the other was not around.

They are both to blame.

Lexa cannot keep her hands off Clarke whenever she wants to grab something which is closer to Clarke than to her by leaning against her and kissing her neck or just her shoulder.

And Clarke doesn’t make it easier for her either. Each time Lexa tries to focus on what she is doing, she makes sure to not let her. She keeps kissing her and whispering unholy things while letting her hands wander over Lexa’s body.

“Clarke! If you want to have breakfast today, you gotta stop what you’re doing,” Lexa warns as she is trying to cook pancakes while Clarke is standing behind her, hands all over her.

Instead of answering, Clarke nips at her neck one last time while kneading her breasts when Abby walks into the kitchen and sees them.

“Keep it in your pants, lovebirds.”

Clarke jolts away from Lexa and giggles, “Morning, mom!”

“Good morning girls,” Abby replies and Lexa doesn’t even dare to turn back and look at her when replying, she could literally feel her blood rushing to her cheeks. She might be a lot more comfortable around Abby lately but not when she and Clarke are being too handsy with one another.

“Are you feeling better, Clarke?” Abby asks and Clarke looks at her with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry for yesterday, mom.”

“It’s fine,” Abby smiles back at her daughter and pulls her in her arms for a hug.

Thanks to Abby, Clarke stays away from Lexa giving her enough space to concentrate on what she was doing and not burn their breakfast. In fact, she manages to finish cooking the pancakes in no time.

The awkward tension that was around when Abby walked in the kitchen and saw Clarke all over Lexa, quickly dissipated and somehow Clarke decided it is the right time to tell her mother that she is going to leave with Lexa once they finish buying their place.

Abby does not comment anything at first, she just looks at her daughter confused. She doesn’t know what to say or not, Clarke is old enough to take her own decisions for her own life but she still sees her as her little daughter.

Moreover, she doesn’t want to make Lexa feel uncomfortable or just make her think that she doesn’t want Clarke to be with her or leave with her like the other day when they were visiting a few places and she gave her a whole speech about them not being ready for commitment.

Lexa doesn’t need to hear Abby’s answer, her silence is a heavy reply. She thinks Abby disapproves otherwise she would have a more genuine smile than the one she has now.

Meanwhile, Clarke is freaking out about her mother’s reaction. She doesn’t want her to think that she is leaving her alone again. She doesn’t want her to think that she is doing something stupid, as old as she is she wants to have her mother’s blessings.

“Mom?”

Abby fakes a smile to both Lexa and Clarke who are sitting across the table then asks, “for how long?”

“We don’t know but we won’t be long,” Lexa quickly replies on Clarke’s behalf. Clarke smiles nervously and adds, “A few weeks probably.”

Again Abby keeps silent for a moment looking between them. When Lexa’s phone starts chiming, she rejects the call and looks back at Abby hoping that she will eventually say something.

“Babe, you should take that call,” Clarke says and Lexa refuses, “We’re in the middle of a conversation, work can wait.”

“Go ahead, Lexa. I’ve to check my emails too, we’ll talk later,” Abby says leaving Lexa speechless. She wasn’t expecting her to avoid answering like she just did which only makes her freak out. She is going to lecture Clarke or worse she is going to lecture _her_ for inciting Clarke to take – as Abby says – _‘impulsive decisions’._

Lexa looks at Clarke like a beaten puppy and says, “She hates me now.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Clarke chuckles trying to reassure her girlfriend giving her a tender kiss on the cheek before leaving her alone in the kitchen. Lexa takes her phone having no other option than to call Anya back. It barely rings when Anya picks up.

_Video call…_

Lexa instantly forgets about Abby and her concern about their next talk when she sees Anya’s familiar face on the screen. Her lips curl up in a bright smile, she misses her.

“Hey,” She lets out. Anya sits on her couch wearing her pajamas and makes herself comfortable before replying. “Finally, where the hell have you been? I was worried about you.”

“Sorry, the last few days have been quite hectic,” Lexa replies then realizes, “Oh my god what time is it?”

“Almost three am,” Anya simply replies and Lexa feels guilty, “I’m sorry, I’m the worst. Go back to sleep and call me tomorrow well…from work.”

“It’s fine, Lexa. I’m awake anyway.”

Lexa smiles at her screen and says, “I miss you.”

“We miss you too,” Raven’s voice comes from behind and Anya smiles sheepishly at her, happy to have her girlfriend joining them. Lexa does her best to not laugh when she sees Raven sitting next to Anya wearing a sexy nightgown.

“How are you guys?”

“We’re fine, what about you?” Raven asks back with a grin.

“I’m good,” Lexa answers but quickly Anya interjects, “You look more than good to me, you look happy.”

“I am,” She confirms with a smile that reaches her eyes. She is the happiest she had ever been even with Finn’s drama.

“I wish you guys were here with me.”

“Don’t worry, Lexa. We’ll visit you one day,” Raven says looking from the screen to Anya, “a weekend in Paris. It’s romantic, isn’t it?”

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” Lexa quips, “Raven you’re sappy.”

Anya chuckles happily because she loves the new Raven or the Raven who is her girlfriend and not only her best friend. She loves the romantic phase they are in even if they do not talk about it.

“Shut up, Lexa. You’re worse than me. You leave to the other part of the world just for a woman.”

“She’s worth it.”

“Enough, I didn’t wake up to talk about this,” Anya interrupts immediately, “Lexa, have you read my email?”

“No, not yet” Lexa grimaces guiltily.

“That explains,” Anya answers, “I wouldn’t insist if it wasn’t somehow urgent”

“Alright, I’m listening,” Lexa says and Anya begins with telling her about some work related decisions she needs her approval for. Then, informs her about the progress and last but not least she tells her about Finn.

“I’m sorry for ruining your happiness but Finn came and he wasn’t allowed and now he’s not really-”

“I know, An,” Lexa interjects before continuing, “I was expecting him to come, that’s why I did it. Did he say anything?”

“Not really, he just left but he called me...twice,” Anya replies.

“Alright, was it work related?”

“Kind of,” Anya answers hesitantly then explains, “he asked about you, about when you’re coming back.”

Lexa keeps silent for a moment not knowing what to say. It is predictable that Finn would ask when she is coming back to work as it means for him that he will start whatever they agreed on and begin working officially at the company but asking about her so soon after Clarke’s birthday is a little bit too much since he knows.

Both Anya and Raven wait impatiently to hear what Lexa’s answer is going to be, especially Anya as she is exhausted with the extra work and the responsibilities but her best friend is interrupted she can say anything at all, Abby gets in the kitchen and asks her, “Is it your friend Anya?”

Lexa nods confused about Abby’s question but her confusion is quickly washed away leaving place to shock when Abby sits next to her.

“Good morning ladies.”

“Morning, Mrs.Griffin,” Raven and Anya reply in unison.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you but I need to tell you something before Clarke comes back to the kitchen,” Abby says firmly, “I might have been civil on my daughter’s wedding when I met you but it doesn’t mean that I forgive you what you’ve done to her.”

“My daughter is in no way a gold digger, did I make myself clear?”

“I…of course not,” Raven stutters caught off guard, not expecting Abby to show up and talk about something that happened months ago at three am.

“I’d rather have a confirmation from you too, Anya,” She demands seriously.

Anya smiles nervously at the screen and nods, “Yes madam. I apologize I didn’t mean...we were trying to protect Finn and Lexa. We didn’t know about them.”

“Ok, I rely on you to treat my daughter with respect when she’ll come to the US with Lexa.”

Lexa wants to laugh at Raven’s and Anya’s faces but she prefers not to because Abby is not just joking and teasing her best friends like she does with her. Her tone is more serious and it has a hint of anger so it would be inappropriate to laugh now.

“Of course, Mrs.Griffin,” Raven says again along with Anya. Abby looks at Lexa and adds, “and you, take care of her and don’t come back until you solve whatever problems you have with the company.”

“I will,” Lexa promises then thanks Abby for somehow giving her blessings. After all it is better than she was expecting to hear from her.

“Alright, excuse me ladies I’ve somewhere else to be,” Abby says before leaving the three best friends speechless. It takes them a moment to let Abby’s words sink in and realize what just happened. Raven is the one to break the silence.

“I like her.”

Anya looks at her with a raised eyebrow and says, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, she’s fierce,” Raven comments chuckling, “She just scolded us like we’re little kids and we reacted like kids too, don’t tell me this isn’t sexy.”

Anya’s eyes widen and Lexa laughs, “Please, you’re talking about Clarke’s mom.”

“So what?” Raven fires while Anya is still confused. Clarke walks back in the kitchen all dressed and ready and just in time to hear Lexa saying between giggles, “Don’t worry, An. I doubt Abby is into women.”

“I walked in at the wrong timing, didn’t I?” Clarke blurts out and Lexa looks up at her and shakes her head.

“No, Anya is jealous because Raven finds your mom sexy.”

“Shut up, Lexa!” Anya speaks finally defending herself then adds, “Hi, Clarke!”

Hearing Anya then Raven say hi to her and watching Lexa giving her a reassuring smile tugging a chair closer and gestures for her to join, Clarke feels pressured to comply.

She sits next to Lexa and leans enough to appear on the screen before waving and greeting them awkwardly then asks, “Should I apologize for keeping Lexa here?”

“No, it’s fine,” Anya replies.

“We should apologize, not you,” Raven lets out and Anya nudges her whispering, “Not now, we’ll do it when she comes.”

“Ok, ok,” Raven replies before looking back at the screen, “Ladies, it was nice talking to you. I gotta back to bed.”

“Good night,” Clarke says and watches Raven kissing Anya on the neck before finally leaving. Lexa told her that Anya and Raven are together but seeing them being affectionate with one another is something else, she never saw them like that. Anya is happy that it is not bright enough for them to see her blushing.

“ _Elles font un beau couple,_ ” (They make a nice couple,) Clarke whispers to Lexa who agrees with a smile.

"Abby said you’re coming back home, do you know when?” Anya asks getting Lexa and Clarke’s attention back to the screen.

“Not really,” Lexa says then explains, “we’re waiting for the legal documents then we’ll book a flight.”

“So, I should be expecting you in a week, or two?”

“Let’s say three weeks,” Lexa corrects not wanting to give false promises as she does not know the exact date when everything will be settled.

“Alright, I can do it,” Anya replies, “just check your emails and keep your phone close in case Finn reappears again.”

“I will. Thank you, Anya,” Lexa answers before they wish her a good night. It is the last video call they will have as a week later Clarke and Lexa finalize the purchase of their place and book right away a flight.

Clarke made the most of her time with Lexa in France knowing that once they are in the USA, Lexa won’t be as much available for her. She will find a load of work waiting for her and Clarke will have to share her with her friends too.

She is happy that she is going back with Lexa but she is not really enthusiastic about having to be around Anya and Raven, the video call was awkward and having to spend a whole dinner or evening with them after what happened and the way things were between them is going to be worse.

**Almost two weeks later; USA;**

**Lexa’s mansion**

Despite knowing what is waiting for her back at home from work duties to Finn, Lexa feels more than happy to finally be back to the USA. She misses her best friends and she feels ready and energized enough to face Finn now that Clarke is back with her. She feels like she can overcome any obstacle, she is stronger and happier with Clarke.

Clarke steps into Lexa’s mansion feeling a little bit awkward. It is a mix of nostalgia and discomfort especially when she is coldly greeted by Titus. She cannot help feeling a little bit out of her element even if Lexa is doing her best to sooth her, keeping her hand in hers.

Indeed, Lexa didn’t miss the way Clarke’s features changed the minute they landed and which was really flagrant is the way she became silent and thoughtful when they arrived to the mansion. She took her hand in hers and tried to reassure her with a gentle squeeze but it did not work.

Lexa realizes that she is keeping Clarke unnecessarily with her while she is chitchatting with Titus. She lets go of her hand and says, “Clarke, go rest a little bit.”

Clarke smiles at her then looks at Titus and excuses herself before leaving. She knows where Lexa’s bedroom is, she has been there on Lexa’s birthday. She walks in the room and freezes, it smells a lot like Lexa even if she has not been there for a while. The room is the same nothing has changed since the last time.

After a brief moment, Clarke recovers and walks toward the paintings she gave Lexa. She cannot help remembering the hug Lexa gave her that day and how they almost kissed. She also remembers the way Costia wrapped her arms around Lexa and started touching her and realizes that she is in the same room where Lexa had spent many nights for years with Costia.

She looks around and feels like she should not be here in her own. What if she finds any of Costia’s belongings? The room might be filled with memories of Lexa’s relationship with Costia and the time they spent together in here.

Clarke studies the room and feels agitated not knowing where to sit because she really doesn’t want to lay on the same bed where Lexa slept with Costia. At the thought, she remembers the one time she saw Costia’s neck filled with love marks and she cannot stay any longer locked in this room with such negative and stupid thoughts running in her head. She feels like a jealous and stupid teenager.

Just as she is about to leave the room, Lexa gets in looking happily at her, “I thought you’d be in the shower.”

“I…no. I didn’t unpack yet,” Clarke replies avoiding to meet Lexa’s eyes.

“You don’t need to, you’ll find fresh towels in the bathroom and you can use my clothes,” Lexa says knowing that Clarke loves to wear her clothes.

“Alright,” Clarke lets out then goes to the bathroom. She takes a long steamy shower then gets out and finds Lexa on the phone.

Clarke unpacks her bag even if she was down with the idea to wear Lexa’s clothes. She is somehow afraid to find something she does not want to find in Lexa’s closet. Lexa doesn’t notice it, she lets Clarke getting dressed and drying her hair, and goes into the shower.

Once, she is finished she finds Clarke sitting at the end of the bed scrolling through her phone. She looks curiously at her and realizes that she did not hear her say anything since they came in the mansion.

“Clarke, do you regret coming?” Lexa asks abruptly walking closer to her.

“What? No,” Clarke replies quickly.

“Then why are you so silent?” Lexa insists cupping Clarke’s face in her hands.

“I’m just jet-lagged,” Clarke arguments poorly. Lexa leans down and gives her a soft kiss then asks in a whisper, “Wanna take a nap or you wanna eat something first?”

Clarke hesitates for a moment then answers, “Let’s eat something first.”

She doesn’t want to get in bed _– Lexa’s and Costia’s bed –_ yet. She wants to avoid thinking about it to not ruin Lexa’s happiness but she cannot help her mind wandering to the negative thoughts.

Even on the dinner table, she doesn’t touch her food and Lexa notices it but keeps silent. It is crystal clear that there is something bothering Clarke otherwise she would not behave that way.

They finally go back to Lexa’s bedroom and get into the bed. Clarke tries to sleep but as it is her first night and she is not in her own bed, she keeps moving to find a comfortable position to sleep but fails. She keeps staring at the sailing of Lexa’s bedroom in the dark thinking about a way to get over her stupid feelings and thoughts then decides to try and sleep in another room.

She manages to leave the bed without waking up Lexa but she felt her heart clenching when she looked back at her before leaving the room. She is leaving Lexa to sleep alone and she has been acting like a baby the whole evening without giving her explanations. Lexa was even worried and asked her if she regretted coming, she felt guilty for her sadness and she did her best to cheer her up.

Clarke wanted to tell Lexa but she felt too ashamed to admit the stupid thoughts that made her in such a shitty mood. Being jealous of Lexa’s past while she has one of her own. She had a whole experience living with Finn in his apartment and shared his bed too. She was in a committed relationship with Finn, Lexa’s brother. Yet, Lexa does not act about her past the way Clarke is doing about hers now.

First, Clarke tries the guest room. It is comfortable and she had spent a few nights in it before but the bed is too big and too cold. The last few days she got used to having Lexa sleeping next to her and cuddling her so it is not going to be easy for her to sleep.

Then, she ends up in the living-room where she feels tired enough to fall asleep but unfortunately she has not something to keep her warm a little bit. She did not take a blanket from the bed because she was afraid to wake up Lexa.

Nonetheless, she falls asleep like a baby on the couch curled in a ball and doesn’t wake up until she feels someone covering her with a blanket. She opens her eyes and finds Lexa looking down at her with a worried smile and wearing her sport shorts ready to leave. She closes her eyes again feeling embarrassed, Lexa chuckles finding her reaction cute. She leans down and kisses her forehead to leave but Clarke opens her eyes and grabs her wrist and stops her.

“It’s early, go back to sleep. I’m just going for a run,” Lexa says softly and Clarke shakes her head, “Stay please!”

Lexa feels Clarke’s pleading voice reverberating in her heart, she turns to sit with her for a moment but Clarke opens her arms and gestures for her to completely lay with her. Lexa gladly obliges cuddling her, she did not wake up next to her and she worried when she did not find her in the bed.

“Was I snoring that bad?” Lexa quips making Clarke chuckle.

“No, I just couldn’t sleep,” Clarke replies shyly against Lexa’s chest.

“Why?” Lexa asks concerned but Clarke keeps silent. She does not want to tell Lexa that she is jealous and she could not sleep in the bed Lexa used to share with someone else, with Costia.

“Clarke?”, Lexa insists seeing that Clarke is not talking.

Clarke tilts her head back from her chest and looks up at her without saying anything, she waits for Lexa to talk. Lexa smiles weakly then asks again: “tell me what’s wrong?”

Clarke averts her eyes not daring to look into Lexa’s eyes while lying to her again, and says, “Nothing.”

“Come on, Clarke. You haven’t said a word since we landed. It’s like you regret-“

“I don’t,” Clarke interrupts her, “I’m happy to be here, with you.”

“Then why are you so silent and…it’s like you’re sad,” Lexa asks. Clarke takes a deep breath and blurts out, “I’m jealous.”

Lexa frowns confused, “Jealous?”

“Yeah, I…I couldn’t fall asleep in your bed because…” Clarke tries to find the proper way to say it but then she realizes that there is no other way than to tell her how she feels, “because it’s your bed and Costia’s and your room is filled with memories of Costia…with the things you’ve...ugh it’s stupid I know.”

Lexa smiles feeling her heart tug in the best way possible at Clarke’s jealousy and stuttering, out of everything she was expecting she did not think that jealousy is what is bothering Clarke.

“but I can’t stop thinking about it…I couldn’t sleep…it’s-” Clarke cutely mumbles when Lexa interrupts her with a kiss then chuckles against her lips. Clarke whines feeling embarrassed and hides her face in Lexa’s neck.

“Hey, no. Clarke babe, look at me,” Lexa tries to get Clarke to talk to her so she can tell her that she has nothing to worry about, that she loves her but the blonde refuses to look up at her so she does it rubbing Clarke’s back soothingly.

“Clarke, it’s ok to be jealous…I know how it feels but believe me you’ve nothing to envy Costia….we didn’t…emm,” At this she finally gets Clarke to look at her then realizes what it sounded like and she corrects herself, “God, that’s not what I meant. We did…we slept together but it was always…at her place and I never stayed over.”

Lexa could see the confused look in Clarke’s eyes, she continues with difficulty, “She stayed over only once or twice…that’s all.”

Clarke does not know what to think about what she is hearing. In one hand, she is happy that it is not what she was thinking, Lexa and Costia were somehow not as close. But in the other hand, it worries her because why would Lexa not stay over or let Costia spend the night with her while they were together?

“Why?” She ends up asking.

“I…I couldn’t-” Lexa shakes her head not knowing how to explain, “I…I wasn’t in love with her….she, she was not you,” She adds then closes her eyes hoping that Clarke will not find it too pathetic or crazy.

Clarke wraps her arm around Lexa tighter and apologizes in a whisper, “I’m sorry for that…and thank you, thank you for telling me.” She feels guilty for ruining Lexa’s relationship whereas she was not even part of her life anymore.

Lexa opens her eyes, looks into Clarke’s blue eyes happily and whispers, “I love you, only you and my room is…there’s a bit of you, I mean us in it. I always had your painting of us in my room.”

Clarke blinks away her tears and showers Lexa with kisses everywhere she could reach before pressing her lips against hers. Lexa feels her heart warming with love and happiness. Clarke breaks the kiss and looks at her, “What else did you not do?”

Lexa’s eyes widen, she was not expecting Clarke to ask her such a question, “Uh…a few things?”

“Like what?” Clarke insists.

Lexa thinks for a moment then says with a smirk, “bring your girlfriend to work day.”

Clarke laughs at her reply, she wanted to know more about the sexy stuff or things couples do.

“I can do that,” She replies with a smile.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks hesitating then Clarke adds, “Will Finn be there?”

“No.” Lexa answers.

“Alright, because it wouldn’t be fair…I mean it wouldn’t be sensible to shove it up his face that we’re together…so soon. It’ll only hurt him-” Clarke lets out concerned about Finn’s feelings. They might be not together anymore but she cares for him, he never hurt her or did something purposely to hurt her.

“Clarke! It’s ok, I get it but don’t worry he already knows,” Lexa replies.

“But it doesn’t mean that it’s ok to hurt his feelings,” Clarke adds and Lexa smiles at her, “You really care about him.”

Clarke smiles back at her and nods, “Yeah, I do.”

**Woods office building;**

Clarke ends up going with her to work and just before they get out of the car Lexa asks her again if she is sure to do it since she is going to be around Anya and Raven probably the whole time and that may make her uncomfortable. Clarke replies that she has to do it sooner or later and go through the awkwardness between them explaining that there is no other way then to get it over with.

Lexa takes Clarke’s hand in hers and steps into her office building having mixed feelings. Not only she is walking in with her girlfriend to work but she is holding her hand too which is something that never happened before. The looks her employees are giving her at the entrance makes her feel a little bit shy, Clarke does not miss it and gives her hand a light squeeze to reassure her making Lexa look at her with a bright smile.

Anya and Raven walk in and see Lexa and Clarke getting in the elevator hand in hand. Anya’s eyes bulge, she did not know Lexa will be back today let along bringing Clarke with her. Before the elevator’s door closes, she waves at Lexa and calls her out.

Clarke is the one who notices her and stops the door from closing and nods toward Lexa’s friends. They get out of the elevator to greet them, Lexa lets go of Clarke’s hand and lets Anya give her a friendly hug while Raven shakes Clarke’s hand.

“I missed you,” Anya tells her as she pulls back, Lexa smiles at her happily, “I missed you too,” Then looks at Raven and hugs her as well while Anya is smiling awkwardly at Clarke not knowing how she should act around her now.

Clarke smiles back at her and it encourages her to do the right thing, she holds out her hand for Clarke to shake and Clarke does it right away.

“Clarke, I owe you an apology for the way I treated you,” Anya says and just as she is about to add something Raven interrupts her, “We both owe you an apology for being bitchy with you.”

Clarke shakes her head ready to speak when she is interrupted by Anya, “Please, let us do this and I hope we could have a fresh start.”

“Ok,” Clarke simply replies.

“First you need to know that it has nothing to do with what your mom told us, I was going to do it anyway.”

“Mom?” Clarke frowns feeling like she has missed something.

“Yeah, Abby threatened us,” Raven lets out amused.

“Oh my God, did you know about that?” Clarke looks at Lexa questioningly after hearing her chuckling, Lexa nods.

“Oh, I’m sorry guys for whatever she said,” Clarke says embarrassed.

“It’s fine, she’s right,” Raven replies then Anya resumes, “We’re sorry for calling you a gold digger, we were trying to protect Finn and Lexa. We would have done the same if it was with someone else…it’s nothing personal-” Again Raven interrupts her girlfriend by adding, “We’re not trying to justify what we did because it doesn’t excuse the way we hurt you but I hope you accept my apology, our apologies and give us a chance to maybe start all over again?”

Clarke looks at them speechless for a brief moment not knowing what to say because she knew it is going to be awkward and tense the few first times being around them but she was not expecting them to apologize and ask her to start all over again. Lexa freaks out seeing that Clarke is not answering she takes her hand again and it is helps bringing her out of her stupor.

“I…I don’t know what to say,” Clarke shakes her head, “no, I mean of course I accept your apologies…a fresh start that’s exactly what I want too.”

Lexa feels much better after hearing Clarke’s answer, she feels happy that her girlfriend is willing to give her two stupid best friends another chance.

“Thank you, Clarke,” Both Anya and Raven say simultaneously and Lexa leans in and places a chaste kiss on Clarke’s cheek and thanks her in a whisper.

Clarke smiles shyly feeling her cheeks turning red when she sees the way Anya’s eyes widen in surprise once again.

“Alright, now that the apologies are done we’ve to invite you for dinner sometime,” Raven says and Clarke smiles at her and nods, “Of course, that would be nice.”

“Cool, what about tomorrow?” Raven suggests quickly.

“Calm down, Raven. We just got back” Lexa replies instead and Clarke feels more than happy for her interruption. She doubts she is ready to have dinner with them yet.

“Then let’s talk about work,” Anya comments looking at Lexa with a smirk.

“Alright,” Lexa lets out with a disappointed voice.

“You probably need some time before diving in, I know. But since you’re here,” Anya says as she pushes the button of Lexa’s elevator. Raven laughs at Anya’s bluntness and eagerness to get rid of some responsibilities and walks to the other elevator.

Unfortunately for Clarke, Anya does not stop updating Lexa about work until she gets a phone call from Raven asking her to leave the lovebirds alone at least for lunchbreak.

“Alright, call me when you’re back,” Anya says.

“I won’t be back, you just spent the whole morning talking about work and I completely left Clarke alone,” Lexa interjects.

“It’s fine Lexa,” Clarke says feeling like she should have not come at the first place.

“See? She’s fine with it,” Anya comments but Lexa disagrees, “We’ve something important to take care of, I won’t be back until tomorrow,” Clarke bites her lip loving Lexa’s boss tone.

“Alright, see you tomorrow,” Anya says walking to the elevator before Lexa stops her, “Anya wait!”

Anya turns back and looks at her expectantly, Lexa hesitates for a moment then says, “Please call Finn and let him know that I’m back and that he can come whenever he’s ready.”

“Ok,” Anya nods before leaving finally. Clarke waits for the elevator’s door to close before looking back at Lexa with a smirk, “That was sexy.”

“Your serious tone while wearing that suit…it’s sexy,” Clarke shrugs elaborating for Lexa who looked confused at her first statement.

“Really?” Lexa lets out and Clarke nods then sits next to her, “What important thing do we have to do?”

“Buy a new bed,” Lexa answers making Clarke laugh, “I don’t want to wake up alone anymore.”

“You’re crazy,” Clarke lets out pulling Lexa for a kiss before adding, “We don’t need a new bed.”

“I think we do if you’re going to leave it in the middle of the night just because you’re jealous,” Lexa replies teasing Clarke who blushes and pokes her playfully.

“Let’s go somewhere else instead,” Clarke says then adds, “Oh, I’ve an idea.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Why don’t we go back home and have lunch in the garden?”

“A picnic?” Lexa asks and Clarke nods, “Yeah, I noticed that it still looks amazing.”

“Thanks to Titus, he’s not one to give up on the things he does.”

“I’m starting to like him,” Clarke comments making Lexa chuckle, “I’m sure he’s going to warm up to you too. Otherwise, what do you want Chinese or Pizza?”

“Chinese but we’ve to do the groceries and cook some healthy food,” Clarke remarks.

**Lexa’s mansion;**

After a long wait at the Chinese restaurant, Clarke and Lexa finally head home. Clarke doesn’t even bother to change or get in the mansion, she takes their lunch bags and walks directly to the garden after asking Lexa to go and bring them a blanket.

Lexa changes her clothes first before joining her in the garden as she cannot relax and enjoy fully the picnic while wearing a suit which makes Clarke unhappy.

“Why did you take it off?”

“So when my crazy princess asks me to roll on the grass with her I won’t say no,” Lexa replies with a grin.

Clarke’s lips twitch up in a wide smile, Lexa has not used this nickname for her in a long time, “We won’t be rolling on the grass don’t worry,” She reassures her while taking their food out of the bags.

For the first time Lexa enjoys the garden like she always wanted. To sit there and be with her best friend, with the girl she loved since she was a little girl. They eat in silence for a moment then Lexa starts talking about the flowers and name each one which surprises Clarke because she did not know that Lexa is that interested in them.

Clarke cannot help thinking that she needs to know everything about Lexa, everything she likes now, everything she does not like, and everything she missed until this very day. She finds herself asking her questions about her past, the one she has not been a part of.

After a moment, Lexa scoots closer, pulls Clarke in her arms and says, “Thank you for coming with me.”

She feels happy even if she would rather be in France remodeling their new place.

“It was worth it watching Anya’s reaction,” Clarke giggles.

“Yeah, she’s not used to see me holding hands with someone.”

“Oh! So that’s something else you never did?”

“Yes and no. I did but not at work,” Lexa explains and Clarke tilts her head and kisses her cheek sweetly, she likes that Lexa is getting more comfortable with her.

“What about Raven’s invitation?” Lexa asks then continues, “do you want to go?”

“Why not? I mean Anya apologized and we’ll have to get used to being around each other since we both love you,” Clarke replies and the words hit Lexa hard, she looks at her stunned.

She knows Clarke loves her, she feels it with all her being because no one ever made her feel like Clarke does, she never stopped and realized that she is now surrounded by love. Something she did not have for so long living with a cold and heartless father, something she thought she lost with Finn who was not only her cousin but a brother too. She thought she would lose her two best friends in the process for what she did to him as they were more his friends than hers, at least that is what she used to think.

Now Clarke loves her, Abby cares for her like a daughter of her own, her two best friends love her too and Clarke is willing to forget about what happened before and try for her because they simply love her. She feels blessed and extremely happy.

“What? Did I say something I shouldn’t?”

Lexa comes back to her senses and shakes her head, “No, it’s not that. I just realized that I’m happy.”

“I’m happy too,” Clarke says back with a smile which always makes Lexa’s knees go weak, with her tongue slightly peeking out between her teeth.


	22. Chapter 22

**The very next day;**

**Lexa’s office building;**

Lexa had a hard time leaving bed this morning knowing that she won’t have the opportunity to see Clarke the whole day whereas she got used to her presence the last weeks. She did her best to not wake her up because she knows it would be even harder for her to leave the bed.

As soon as she steps in her office building, she finds Anya waiting for her next to her elevator. The first thing that comes to her mind is that she asked Anya to call Finn and tell him to come whenever he is ready which may be the reason Anya is waiting for her so early in the morning.

“Morning,” Lexa says pushing the elevator’s button.

“Good morning, no girlfriend today?” Anya quips.

“No, she doesn’t miss you that much.”

“Good, cause there’s a lot for you to be distracted,” Anya replies.

“Did you call him?”

“No yet.”

“Why?” Lexa frowns. Before Anya replies, Raven interjects from behind, “Morning ladies.”

“Good morning, Raven,” Lexa says looking at Raven confused before turning back to Anya and asks, “Since when Raven comes to work earlier than anyone else?”

“A few days now,” Anya replies with a blush.

“That’s something to celebrate,” Lexa jokes before Anya steps into the elevator pulling Lexa with her.

“I didn’t call him cause I don’t think you’re ready.”

Lexa waits for the elevator’s door to close before looking at Anya questioningly waiting for her to elaborate.

“I want this situation with him to be over but at the same time I’m dreading what’s going to happen.”

“Nothing is going to happen. We’ve been in the business for long, we’re used to working our way out of anything.”

“I’m not only worried about the company, I’m worried about you,” Anya confesses.

“You never doubt or worry about my ability, why now?”

“Because it’s Finn.”

“Don’t worry, I can handle him. This is going to be his last chance, anyway.”

“Well, that’s what I’m worried about. You shouldn’t be the one mentoring him,” She says feeling sceptic about Lexa’s decision adding, “There’s bad blood between you two, he’s not just a random stranger.”

“He is to me,” Lexa replies coldly but quickly realizes the words that came out of her mouth.

“I’ll treat him as a stranger, I will be fair and I won’t let my emotions get the best of me. That’s what I always do, don’t I?”

Anya sighs not knowing what to think. She isn’t doubting Lexa’s fairness in general but she knows that it’s going to be hard for her to not care. If Lexa were really to treat Finn as a stranger, she wouldn’t have agreed to mentor him and would have assigned one of her employees to do it.

“Call him,” Lexa orders walking into her office not waiting for Anya to follow. Anya rolls her eyes at her best friend’s stubbornness and makes the call.

Finn picks up at the first ring and tells her that he is going to come today and asks her to warn the security so they let him in.

When Anya hangs up, she looks at Lexa and says, “He’s coming, you probably need to ask the security to let him in.”

“Of course,” Lexa replies then comments, “He’s really determined.”

“Yeah, he is. Are you sure you wanna do this?” Anya asks one last time.

“I’m fine, An,” Lexa replies because this is how she feels. Maybe there’s bad blood between them, he might had hurt her but she is genuinely willing to not let this part affect her business or her deal with him.

Right after Anya left her office, Lexa jumped in the paperwork spending the whole morning dealing with what needed to be signed and once finished she started making a plan, a sort of schedule to how ‘ _mentor’_ Finn.

Lexa did not even see the time passing by, she was too busy and it is only when Clarke called her that she realized that it is already lunch break. Clarke told her that she did her best to not call straight after waking up just to let her work and that she is missing her so much. Lexa felt her heart melt and told Clarke that she would do her best to get back home early.

“Did you eat yet?” Clarke asks through the phone and Lexa chuckles happily realizing that she never had someone care for her that much to ask if she had lunch or not.

“Not yet,” She simply replies.

“Then I should hang up so you can do it,” Clarke says seriously but before Lexa says anything she adds whining, “but I don’t wanna hang up, I miss you.”

“I miss you too, babe,” Lexa says back, “but I really have to take care of things here before coming back home and the longer I talk to you, the more time it will take me to get things done here and the later I’ll be.”

“I love you but I don’t like your pragmatism.”

“I love you too.”

“Alright, how about I come and have lunch with you? I promise, we’ll just eat and I’ll leave.”

“I’d love that babe but Finn is coming or might even be here by now,” Lexa explains.

“Oh, ok. Then, I guess I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah probably,” Lexa replies feeling bad to cut it short.

After Clarke hangs up, Lexa decides to take a little break and grab something instead of having a full lunch and on her way out she finds Finn waiting for her. She doesn’t acknowledge his presence because she clearly is taking a break but it seems that Finn is impatient as he has been waiting for an hour for her to get out as she strictly instructed her secretary to not being interrupted the whole morning.

“Alex,” Finn calls her out rushing to catch her. Lexa stops and looks back at him with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s my lunch break, talk to you when I’m back.” And with that she heads out without looking back at him.

She knows she could have been more polite with him but she just couldn’t do it hearing him call her ‘ _Alex’_ as if nothing happened between them or as if everything was fine, triggered her.

To say that Finn was shocked is an understatement, he couldn’t believe that she totally ignored him and barely replied to him before walking away. He looked around speechless and wondered if he should just leave or wait and talk to her. Then, he remembers that he poked this side of her and that Lexa is not like that unlike someone hurts her.

He realizes that despite the way he is feeling, he needs to just stick around if he ever wants things to be better between them. He sits and waits for her to come back from her lunch break.

Once back, Lexa finds him still waiting in the administration where she left him. She looks at her watch then tells him that she will be back to him after a phone meeting she has. Again, Finn waits patiently for about half an hour before asking her secretary to call and remind her that Mr.Collins is still waiting for her. Lexa kindly asks her to let him know that she will be down in a few minutes.

She finally shows up and gestures for him to follow her, she walks him to an obviously new office that has been arranged for him. All the way she talks about the company and gives him the most important rules of the house without sparing him a look.

When they get in his office, she informs him about the company’s internal network that he can have access to for any information then gives him the key of the office and just before leaving she looks straight in his eyes and asks, “Any question?”

“I…no but I thought you’re mentoring me. Having access to some data is not what-“

Before he finishes, Lexa interrupts him, “I will but whenever I’ve time. I can’t stop running the company just to do it, Mr.Collins. You’ll have to learn on your own when I’m busy.”

Finn’s eyes widen at the way Lexa just addressed him, out of everything he was mentally prepared for he did not expect Lexa to call him Mr.Collins.

“Ok!” Finn says then stops her, “Wait, do I have to call you Miss Woods too?” He blurts out questioningly.

”I suggest you start digging in the data available for you,” She points out at the computer on his desk before continuing, “to familiarize with everything before tomorrow’s meeting with all the employees of the company, me included.”

Lexa leaves Finn without saying anything else, he did as he could to have a general idea about the company and get ready for the next meeting with everyone. He was expecting to see Lexa again before the end of the day but he did not.

**Later that day;**

**Lexa’s mansion;**

Lexa gets home later than planned and finds Clarke watching TV while waiting for. She feels a sudden warm envelope her at the sight of Clarke’s smile, she cannot help noticing the difference of coming back home and finding Clarke the love of her life waiting for her.

She unbuttons her vest and sits next to Clarke on the couch cuddling her, Clarke sighs contently at her closeness before tightening her arms around her.

“It’s crazy how much I missed you.”

“It feels nice to be back home,” Lexa says while Clarke is rubbing her back soothingly.

“Did you have dinner?”

“No,” Lexa replies tilting her head back and looking into her girlfriend’s blue eyes, “I came as soon as we finished.”

“Good cause I’m starving, I was waiting for you,” Clarke replies standing and tugging Lexa who follows her to the kitchen and finds that she already took care of everything even setting the table.

“You shouldn’t have waited for me.”

“I know but I wanted to,” Clarke replies while serving. She didn’t want to have dinner alone as she woke up in bed alone, she spent the whole morning alone, she did the groceries alone and she spent the rest of the day alone. It felt like she did not come with Lexa to the USA.

“How was your first day back?”

“Exhausting.”

“And how was it with Finn?” Clarke asks bluntly, not satisfied with Lexa’s short answer.

It is not that Lexa doesn’t want to talk about work with Clarke but she is too tired and she doesn’t even know what to think about how it went with Finn to put it into words.

“It was weird. How am I going to….be the one teaching him while I don’t know how to act around him anymore.”

“Why?”

“I don’t trust him, and I don’t recognize him. It’s like we’re in two different places, he’s there acting like nothing happened and I’m here treating him like a complete stranger while he’s not.”

“It’s going to be tough to work together like that,” Clarke comments and Lexa agrees, “I don’t even know if it’s a good idea anymore.”

“Neither do I but it’s the only thing you have that can one day help you to find your way back to one another.”

“It’s impossible” Lexa interjects firmly.

“That’s what I want for you two and I hope you can think about it again because I don’t want you to regret anything,” Clarke says softly hoping to convince Lexa that what she is doing is the right thing even if it’s not the easiest one.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have bothered you with work, at least not with Finn.”

“Yes you do, we’re together, Lexa. You have me and we can talk about anything that’s bothering you including Finn.”

“But I don’t wanna talk about him,” Lexa blurts out.

“Well, you need to-” Clarke starts speaking but stops when Lexa stands up and begins clearing the dinner table. It is obvious that Lexa is trying to avoid talking about Finn.

She helps her cleaning the kitchen and putting the leftovers in the fridge before going to her bathroom to take a shower. Clarke feels like she just made Lexa’s day worse by insisting to talk about Finn while the brunette is clearly not ready to do it.

She follows her to the bathroom, strips naked before getting in the shower with her and flipping her around to face her. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist, pulls her under the water with her before kissing her chastely.

“You’re mad at me?” Clarke asks with a pout on her lips, Lexa shakes her head, “I just had a rough day.”

“Sorry for making it worse then,” Clarke says wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck bringing their chests together.

“You didn’t make it worse, you’re making it better.”

“I wish I’d the right answers for you, I wish I can help but I really suck at giving advices.”

“You’re perfect,” Lexa answers and just as Clarke is about to say something else she adds, “let’s not talk about that while we’re both naked in the shower.”

Clarke smiles, “Right, there’s other things we can do.”

“Oh yes,” Lexa answers then takes her shampoo and hands it to Clarke, “Here wash my hair, please?”

“I had something else in mind but if that’s what my girlfriend wants.”

Clarke takes the shampoo and washes Lexa’s hair delicately massaging her scalp helping her to relax then washes her own while Lexa is soaping her body and Clarke’s at the same time.

Clarke does her best to not bring the conversation back and Lexa is more than happy about it, all she wants to do is enjoy being with Clarke because she misses her and she knows that the next weeks are going to be as much exhausting as today or even worse. Clarke dries her hair, puts her pajamas and gets into the bed first and waits for her girlfriend to join her.

Once she is done, Lexa joins her opening her arms asking Clarke to scoot closer so they can cuddle. Clarke happily complies, there’s nowhere else she wants to be than in Lexa’s arms.

“How was your day?” Lexa asks in a whisper, Clarke replies right away, “Boring and lonely.”

“Titus is of a good company,” Lexa quips knowing that Clarke did not warm up to him yet.

“He helped me do the groceries but he’s not good at chitchatting,” Clarke says making Lexa laugh, “He did the groceries with you?”

“Yeah,” Clarke replies amused.

“Well, I think he likes you.”

“He doesn’t, he refused to give me his opinion about the pool area.”

“Pool? What happened to the same garden in the backyard?” Lexa asks confused as they agreed to transform the backyard into something resembling their childhood’s spot.

“I don’t know. You made this one in your home for us even when we were not together and it’s special,” Clarke tries to explain, “It would never be the same as this one. Besides I want something different where we can create new memories for our future,” Lexa smiles at Clarke’s words and lets out, “I love what you’re saying.”

“Me too,” Clarke replies then kisses Lexa tenderly before pulling back and adding, “I missed your lips.”

“That’s all you missed?” Lexa asks innocently and Clarke shakes her head, “I missed everything about you and it scares me.”

“Scares you?” Lexa frowns not understanding.

“Yeah. I’m addicted to you, how am I going to do? I mean we can’t possibly be together 24/7.”

Lexa chuckles lightly, “It’s ok. I feel the same, Clarke. We’re going to get used to one another and you’ll soon get sick of me.”

“It won’t happen, I love you so much,” Clarke disagrees sweetly melting Lexa’s heart.

“I love you too,” Lexa says with a yawn.

“You’re tired,” Clarke states before sliding further into the bed and pulling Lexa with her knowing that the brunette needs to wake up early. Lexa dozes off instantly after Clarke starts playing with her hair but it takes Clarke a moment to fall asleep due to all the crazy thoughts that were running in her head.

The next morning when Lexa wakes up, the first thing she realizes before even opening her eyes is that she is alone in her bed because Clarke’s leg is not around her, not even her arm. She throws her hand to Clarke’s side and indeed she finds the sheets already cold. She opens her eyes and frowns looking around and hopes that Clarke did not wake up in the middle of the night and went to sleep in the living-room.

After fully waking up and getting ready for her morning run, Lexa walks to the living-room to see if Clarke is asleep but she’s not there . She looks for her and finds her in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

 _“Bonjour, mon amour.”_ (Good morning, love.)

 _“Bonjour, ma chérie,”_ (Morning, darling,) Lexa replies pulling her for a soft kiss.

 _“Bien dormis?”_ (Slept well?)

 _“Comme un bébé,”_ (Like a baby,) Lexa replies with a smile then adds, _“Je pensais que t’as dormi au salon.”_ (I thought you slept in the living-room.)

 _“_ _Et bien non, je me suis dit que je pourrais passer plus de temps avec toi au lieu de dormir"_ (Well no, I thought I could spend more time with you instead of sleeping.)

Lexa wants to tell Clarke that she will try to be back home earlier than yesterday or at least see her for lunch but she knows it’s going to be a long and busy day, and she doubts she can be home early enough to not be completely exhausted and sleep on her like the previous night.

All she can promise is that she will do her best for things to change.

 _“Je promets que ça ne durera pas longtemps, je me sens mal de de te faire ça.”_ (I promise it won’t last long, I feel bad doing that to you.)

 _“On doit bien apprendre à être adultes, non?"_ (We must learn to be adults, right?) Clarke jokes and Lexa nods, _“Malheureusement oui.”_ (Unfortunately yes.)

 _“Maintenant vas t'asseoir, le petit déjeuner est prêt,"_ (Now go sit, breakfast is ready,) Clarke adds giving Lexa’s hip a tap.

 _“En fait, j'allais courir.”_ (Actually, I was going for a run.)

 _“Pas aujourd’hui,”_ (Not today,) Clarke simply replies before gesturing again for Lexa to sit who complies having no other choice.

Clarke does her best to reassure Lexa about what is waiting for her at the office saying that she trusts her in doing the right thing with Finn and asks her to not worry about her or not coming home early.

All Lexa does is smile at Clarke because she knows that she is doing her best to not make her feel guilty despite her feelings. She also loves the way Clarke is trying to be supportive and helpful despite not sharing the same opinion about Finn’s situation.

When Clarke stands up to pour herself a coffee, Lexa grabs her wrist and pulls her pushing her chair backwards so Clarke can sit on her lap. She wants to thank her for the breakfast and waking up so early just to spend some time with her.

She wraps her arms around Clarke, looks up into her blue eyes and says, _“Merci pour tout ce que tu fais pour moi.”_ (Thanks for everything you’re doing for me.)

 _“Je préférerais avoir un baiser en guise de remerciement,"_ (I’d rather have a kiss as a thank you,) Clarke replies looking down at her lips. Lexa delivers giving Clarke a sensuous and soft kiss, which is more than a kiss of gratitude. It reaches Clarke’s heart and shakes her inside.

Just as Lexa is about to break the kiss, Clarke clasps her hands at the sides of Lexa’s face and deepens it. Her kiss is more passionate yet a slow one, she loves Lexa, she wants her lips and she makes sure Lexa understands it.

Clarke’s lips move slowly down to Lexa’s neck, softly nipping at her skin making sure to take her time. Lexa tilts her head back appreciating the attention of Clarke’s lips and wanting more. Clarke forgets about her coffee, Lexa forgets her schedule and they lose themselves in each other making out greedily.

The soft kisses and nipping become more and without noticing how they get in that position _– Clarke straddling her instead of simply sitting on her lap –_ Lexa feels Clarke grinding down against her bulge. She tilts her head back and looks at her saying, “ _Clarke!_ _Si tu continues comme ça, je doute que je quitterai la maison.”_ (Clarke! If you continue like this, I doubt I’ll leave the house.)

Clarke smiles mischievously, _“Disons que t'as fait un long jogging."_ (Let's say you went for a long jog.)

 _“Ne perdons pas notre temps alors.”_ (Let’s not waste our time then.)

Much much later, Lexa takes the quickest shower she ever had and gets ready in barely a few minutes before finally leaving the house. She keeps smiling goofily all her way to work, feeling drunkenly in love.

As much as she felt bad about Clarke waking up too early just to make her breakfast, she couldn’t help thinking that it was worth it and that she won’t hesitate to wake up Clarke for some quality time. It is not about the sex, it’s about starting her day with the person she loves the most.

Feeling her love, getting a huge amount of strength and positive vibes just by being with her and watching her smile. Lexa feels like she can do and face anything if she gets such mornings every day for the rest of her life. It is better than she ever dreamt of or dared to imagine.

With that Lexa gets to work feeling good and confident even if she does not know if she is going to go along with the deal she made with Finn about mentoring him. Now that she is reflecting about it, she thinks she can try again to give herself and Finn a second chance.

Not because she hopes for any sort of reconciliation _– like Clarke pointed it out that it may be their last chance to find their way back to one another –_ but because she wants to honor her part of the deal and avoid to risk her company letting her feelings dictate her actions.

***

The dreaded meeting goes pretty well comparing to how everyone was expecting it to go. Lexa manages to keep focused on informing her employees about the purpose of the meeting introducing Finn as her partner and asking them to treat him as equally as they would treat her. She tells them that he may ask everyone about their work and want to know more about what they are doing as he is new to them.

Then, she gives the floor to Finn so he can answer their questions as well as asks his own. Eventually one of the employees pop the important question about the extent of his authority _– not wanting to be get on Lexa’s bad side again as he could feel a considerable improvement comparing to the previous day –_ Finn looks at her to see if she wants to answer the question on his behalf.

Lexa gives him a chance to see if he would stick to their agreement and he does answering that he won’t be taking any operational decision until he is ready and accustomed to every little detail about the company’s functioning.

However, when one of the board members asks Finn if he will be the decision taker whenever Lexa is absent _– like she has been the last few months –_ Lexa interjects answering that she won’t be leaving and if she ever does, she would be in touch punctuating that nothing really changes for now.

Raven and Anya keep silent during all the meeting, they already know about the details and don’t need to ask Finn anything in particular. Anya came to the meeting just because Lexa insisted whereas Raven wanted to see how Finn would behave.

As everyone was leaving the conference room, Lexa asked Finn to stay so they can talk. Finn gladly complied despite feeling weird whenever Lexa calls him Mr.Collins.

“It went well,” Finn speaks first feeling less tense than when he first got in the conference room.

“Yes, it did,” Lexa replies seriously before adding, “I’m not going to take a lot of your time, I just need to tell you something.”

“I’m all ears,” Finn answers.

Lexa takes a deep breath and jumps right into it, “I need you to understand that my work and this company is not just about me or you, it’s about them too. It’s their mean to secure the necessities of their lives and I’d do anything to keep it safe and I hope that you’ll do that too.”

“That’s certain,” Finn mutters feeling a little bit intimidated by Lexa’s rather authoritarian tone.

“It’s not about us, it’s about them which means we’ve to make sure that none of our issues affect the company. It’s the reason why I call you Mr.Collins and I’d ask you to call me Miss Woods as well,” Lexa explains feeling like she needs to do in order for him to get used to it and not ask her again about it.

“I’d like you to know that I’ll treat you the same way I’d treat any of my business partners regardless of my feelings and our past. Again I’d expect as much of you, alright?”

“Of course, anything else?” Finn replies asking back. Lexa takes a moment before nodding, “Yes, let’s start with the basics.”

She spends the rest of the day with Finn giving him the highlights of the company’s history and functioning along with some details about the finance department as he seems to be interested in it having worked almost two years as an assistant finance manager thanks to Gustus’ insistence before enlisting in the army because of him.

Surprisingly, Lexa finishes earlier than the previous day and she leaves the office on time with the regular employees. In her way back home, she stops and buys a box of chocolate and a bouquet of red roses for Clarke to thank her for being such a positive influence on her. She doubts she would have had the strength to do what she has done without her. She wouldn’t have been as diplomatic with Finn as she was today if not for Clarke.

When she finally gets home, she hears Clarke talking to someone in the living-room. She frowns not knowing who it can be as Clarke didn’t tell her this morning that she has anything to do with anyone in particular.

She walks there and finds Clarke and Octavia chitchatting probably catching up. She clears her throat and lets out with the bouquet and the box of chocolate still in her hands, “Hey there.”

The two friends stand up to greet her properly, Lexa shakes Octavia hand first then Clarke kisses her on the lips making her blush. She feels a little bit uncomfortable at showing like that and interrupting the two friends.

“I didn’t know you had company,” Lexa feels the need to justify.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come home early,” Clarke says then looks at the bouquet in Lexa’s hand and asks, “What’s the occasion?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to thank you for this morning.”

Clarke takes the bouquet from her and gives her a kiss on the cheek this time, “Thanks babe, I’ll be right back.”

She goes to the kitchen to put the roses in a vase leaving Lexa and Octavia awkwardly standing next to each other. Lexa puts the chocolate box on the coffee table and gestures for Octavia to sit down, they keep silent until Clarke comes back and Lexa stands ready to leave but Clarke stops her, “Stay with us.”

Lexa hesitates for a moment then says, “I’m going to change into something comfortable first then I’ll come back.” With that she leaves the living room.

“I think I should go home. I feel like she still doesn’t like me, more than before.”

“Don’t be silly, she’s just tired and a little bit reserved,” Clarke says.

“She shook my hand, Clarke. Who does that? And she didn’t say a word to me when you left,” Octavia replies whispering.

“Come on’ give her a chance, at least do it for me.”

“Alright but if she keeps silent and acting weird like she did now, I’ll leave,” Octavia threatens jokingly.

“Thank you,” Clarke says before asking her friend, “What do you want for dinner?”

“You should ask Lexa.”

“You’re our guest.”

A few minutes later, seeing that her Lexa did not come back Clarke excuses herself and goes to the bedroom where she finds her reading a book in her bed.

“I can’t believe you’re hiding here,” Clarke lets out disappointed, Lexa bites her lip at being caught and says, “Sorry, I felt like I was intruding.”

“Intruding? That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard from you. Come on, let’s go cook something for dinner,” Clarke says taking the book from Lexa’s hands then adds, “Did I tell you that you look so cute in those glasses?”

Lexa smiles and shakes her head, “No, you never told me that I’m cute.”

“Well, you are,” Clarke replies before kissing Lexa more passionately than earlier with Octavia around.

“O is waiting for us in the kitchen so we probably should stop here,” Clarke says pulling back when she felt Lexa about to deepen the kiss.

Much to Lexa’s dismay, Clarke drags her to the kitchen where Octavia was waiting for them. Clarke does her best to make them comfortable doing the talk herself and from time to time pushing them to interact with one another.

She asks Lexa how went the meeting with Finn and Lexa replies without getting into too much details then tells her that after the meeting she ended up spending the rest of the day with him and it went pretty well.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Octavia says.

“Yeah, I guess,” Lexa answers before adding, “All I care about is keeping my company.”

Octavia throws a knowing look to Clarke and quickly changes the topic asking Lexa, “Otherwise, how are Raven and Anya?”

“Good, thanks for asking.”

“I wouldn’t say that, they’re more than good now that. They’re dating,” Clarke says amused.

“Better late than never” Octavia comments.

Lexa finds herself easily chitchatting with Octavia and actually enjoying watching a movie with her and Clarke something she rarely does even when alone. It helps her relax and takes her mind from work and all the things that have been troubling her.

Clarke spends the evening excited like a kid having both her friend and Lexa with her. Octavia realizes that there is more to Lexa than her cold and reserved shell that one gets to see, she can understand now why Clarke loves her so much but what she does not understand is how Clarke and Lexa as kids were able to be friends while they are complete opposites.

**Two weeks later;**

**Woods office building;**

The last two weeks went like a blur for both Lexa and Clarke. They got used to living together full time, not just for a few days and they ended up falling in a routine of their own.

Lexa enjoyed her mornings with Clarke to the fullest replacing her usual morning runs by some quality time whenever she woke up with her. She would either stay longer in bed just cuddling or having breakfast together. As for work, she does her best to check on Finn when he’s not busy with the Finance department.

Despite getting used to mentoring him, seeing him on a daily basis and calling him Mr.Collins, the tension between them is still there. Lexa thinks she can never get past the awkwardness between them even if she treats him as neutrally as possible. Because deep down she is still angry at him. Angry and hurt at the way he took things so far as if she was his enemy and not his family.

For Clarke, the two last weeks has been a blast except for the rather unpleasant job interview she had, which taunted her for a day or two. She really wanted the job so she can have a choice. She loved being with Lexa even if it was not the same as having her the whole day but she started getting used to her crazy schedule.

She tried her best to get Lexa involved into the last details about their place back in France which was not so easy, she comes back home too tired and all she wants to do is relax and do other things with Clarke rather than taking decisions.

Clarke doesn’t give up trying to get Lexa involved in something she thinks they should have done by now. In fact, she has been trying to get her in the Christmas mood, which is barely two weeks away, to decorate the mansion but each time Lexa cancels the last minute.

However, today Clarke is determined to surprise Lexa and drag her out of the office starting from her supposed lunch break _– which she rarely takes –_ for the rest of the day by going to the Woods office building unannounced.

What she does not expect is to be surprised herself by the majestic and beautiful Christmas decorations that she finds everywhere in the office building. She is so stupefied that she cannot help asking Lexa’s secretary, “How did you get Lexa to agree to this?”

The old woman frowns confused at Clarke’s question then says, “We didn’t, every year she instructs the HR do take care of it.”

“She does?” Clarke’s eyes widen, she thought that Lexa hates Christmas because she has been postponing their preparations for a few days now.

“Yeah, we even do the secret Santa,” The old lady adds indifferently much to Clarke’s surprise.

“And I thought she hates Christmas!”

“Why? Doesn’t she celebrate it at home?”

“She does, I think…but I’ve been trying to get her in the mood but it seem-” Clarke’s words die in her throat when she sees Finn. He does not stop to talk to her but gives her a weak smile, Clarke feels her heart stop for a moment and she doesn’t know why. Or maybe she does, she feels guilty for what happened between him and Lexa.

Without thinking it through, she mutters an excuse and rushes to catch him. Finn looks at her surprised and she hardly manages to greet him after giving him an awkward friendly hug, “Hi.”

“Hey!” He lets out hesitantly, “Sorry I didn’t stop you were…” He gestures at Lexa’s secretary then adds, “busy with her so…emm how are you?”

“Fine, how have you been?”

“Good,” Finn simply says.

“You look different…in a good way of course.”

“Must be the power of a nice suit,” Finn jokes looking down at his suit.

“Maybe,” Clarke smiles.

“I should go!” Finn lets out brusquely seeing Lexa coming out of the elevator. Clarke notices that he was looking over her shoulders so she turns and sees Lexa talking with her secretary.

“Alright, you should…I mean we should hang out sometime,” She suggests hesitantly.

Finn takes a deep breath then says, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Again he looks over her shoulders at Lexa who did see them but preferred to not interrupt.

Clarke doesn’t know what to say, she hesitates to insist and tell him that she still cares for him because it will only hurt him and if she doesn’t it may also make him think that she doesn’t care.

“I gotta go,” He adds before leaving not giving her enough time to bid him goodbye properly.

“Take care!” Clarke lets out loudly for Finn to hear once she comes back from her thoughts but unfortunately Finn is already outside.

“Sorry for interrupting.”

“You didn’t, he just said hi. Ready?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry,” Lexa replies enthusiastically.

Clarke smiles wickedly, “I’m not asking about lunch, you’re taking the rest of the day off and we’re going Christmas shopping.”

“Clarke, I can’t just-”

“Don’t, you can and look at that,” Clarke gestures around them. “Your office building looks more Christmassy than home, it’s unfair.”

“It’s for the employees, not me,” Lexa poorly justifies.

“Come on,” Clarke says pulling Lexa for a chaste kiss then hooks her arm around hers and walks her outside.

Lexa has no other choice than to follow. After having lunch and going through a few stores, Lexa starts complaining, “Do we have to do that all day?”

“Yes, we cannot host a Christmas dinner without getting fully in the Christmas theme!” Clarke argues.

“Because we’re hosting Christmas dinner?”

“Yeah, it’s going to be awkward but awesome.”

“Who are we inviting?” Lexa asks confused because none of them have a big family.

“Well, we might have an awkward family but we do have one. Our friends of course, mom can come and I already talked to Costia and she might make it,” Clarke replies happily.

Lexa’s eyes widen, she was not expecting Clarke to invite Costia from France just to spend Christmas with them while she has been jealous of her repeatedly.

“It's going to be interesting, that’s for sure.”

“That’s why I’ve been insisting on shopping and now we’re late.”

“Are we?”

“Yes, I barely have half of what I have in my list without mentioning that we haven’t bought the gifts yet.”

Lexa keeps silent not knowing what to say because she usually gets her secretary or someone else to do it for her and for Anya’s and Raven’s gifts, she just gets them something she knows they would like. She doesn’t know about buying gifts to anyone else.

Seeing that Lexa is silent, Clarke continues, “Do you even celebrate Christmas?”

“Yeah, kind of,” Lexa says before elaborating, “Anya usually invites me to dinner with her family, sometimes Raven joins us and we exchange the gifts that night instead.”

“Oh, what a shitty Christmas,” Clarke blurts out and they burst in laughter.

“Sorry I mean it’s too…adult like?”

“Well of course, it’s nothing comparing to the Griffin’s Christmas,” Lexa comments reminiscing.

“Well, we’re going to have a Griffin’s Christmas this year and maybe an even better one,” Clarke says confidently.

“I doubt that,” Lexa replies. “You cannot beat your parents Christmas, Jake is like Santa himself.”

“I know besides we hardly are forming a family.” Clarke huffs disappointed.

Lexa feels like she shouldn’t have brought Jake in the conversation, she stops and pulls Clarke in a comforting embrace.

“We’ll get better at it0”

“I hope so.”

“We’ll have a bigger family, and we will beat your parents’ Christmas. You’ve a very competitive partner and one day a whole team so I’m pretty confident about that.”

Clarke chuckles happily at Lexa’s reassuring words, she knows what her girlfriend means when saying ‘ _a whole team_ ’ she bites her lip and says, “A big team, huh?”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Lexa blushes repeating Clarke’s words who leans up and kisses her lovingly then drags her for about an additional hour before finally getting back home.

Without wasting her time, Clarke starts using everything they bought to decorate the mansion and make it look warmer and more welcoming while Lexa is in the kitchen cooking them dinner.

Despite having bought a lot, Clarke doesn’t manage to make the mansion look enough Christmassy for her taste. She feels like she barely made a difference and decides to go out and buy more the next day without Lexa who kept complaining.

This time she takes a notepad and walks around the mansion writing down a list of what she needs.

Lexa laughs at Clarke’s seriousness about the matter, telling her that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself because first the mansion is big and it’s harder to make it look Christmassy.

She also points out that they have enough time to get it done before Christmas then she suggests to hire someone but Clarke refuses saying that it would never be the same as doing it on their own.

“You already did the big part, Clarke. Think about it.” Lexa tries to convince her.

“No,” Clarke replies stubbornly as she is taking the extra pillows out of the bed with Lexa.

“The only help that I can accept is yours.”

“Alright, want me to take the day off tomorrow?”

Clarke stops and looks up at her surprised, “You’ll do that?”

“Of course, it matters to you,” Lexa replies before walking to Clarke’s side to kiss her.

“I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

“But you don’t like it! You kept complaining the whole time,” Clarke says almost with a pout making Lexa giggle, “I wasn’t complaining.”

“Lexa, I had to come and literally force you out of your office.”

“That’s because things are crazy at work. I didn’t know it meant that much to you, otherwise I would have taken a day off and went shopping with my girlfriend.”

Clarke smiles happily at Lexa who decides, “I’m taking the day off tomorrow then! Anything else I can do, to please my lady?”

Clarke hesitates for a few seconds but then, “Yes, maybe invite Finn?”

Lexa’s face changes in the second, “That’s…I don’t think I can do that.”

“Come on Lexa, he’s not only your cousin, your friend but he’s your guests’ best friend as well and he doesn’t have anyone except you, us,” Clarke says softly trying to reason her.

Lexa pulls back and keeps silent not wanting to say no to Clarke, and at the same time finding it inconceivable to invite Finn to spend Christmas with her.

“He’s your brother...I wish I had siblings. After all Christmas is about family.”

“He doesn’t consider me as his sister anymore,” Lexa reminds her painfully.

“Alright, at least I tried,” Clarke says disappointed before apologizing for Lexa seeing the pain in her eyes, “I’m sorry, I just want-”

“I know, that’s why I love you,” Lexa interrupts getting in bed.

“But I really can’t help feeling….like that when thinking about him.”

“Like what?”

“It’s hard to explain,” Lexa says not knowing how to express the way she feels because there is too much contradicting feelings at the same time.

She is mad at him and she’s hurt, yet she cares about him. She doesn’t trust him but she misses him too and unfortunately she can’t just talk to him heart to heart anymore.

Clarke gets in bed laying on her side facing Lexa, then she takes her hand in hers and says, “Try!”

Lexa gives her a crooked smile, “The words he said to me the last time we fought and the way he looked at me like-” She stops for a moment taking a deep breath before resuming, “it hurts, Clarke.”

Clarke feels her heart aching at the sight of the unshed tears in Lexa’s green eyes. She feels bad about reviving the painful memory, she scoots closer and whispers, “You don’t need anyone, you have me. I love you.”

“I know,” Lexa whispers back.

“And I’m madly in love with you,” Clarke adds.

“Me too.”

**Three days before Christmas;**

It is the last working days before the holidays which means things are hectic for Lexa at work. Finn feels a little bit neglected and useless, watching everyone busy with his own work meanwhile he is just observing them and not being able to help.

As soon as he sees Lexa walking out of the conference room he rushes to her and says, “Can I have a word with you?”

“Of course, just be quick,” Lexa replies without stopping.

“Not now, maybe after Christmas” Finn replies because he can’t talk about what he has in mind while walking and clearly without having Lexa’s undivided attention.

Lexa stops abruptly and finally looks at him, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just not the appropriate moment to talk since you’re busy.”

“Do you have any problem with any employee?” Lexa asks confused at Finn’s behavior.

“No, everyone is nice,” He says before adding, “I just don’t think that this place is the right one for me anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

Finn sighs looking around finding it hard to look into her eyes then says, “Despite everything I learned and all the efforts you guys are doing, I feel useless. I don’t feel like I’ve my place here.”

Lexa doesn’t know what to respond, she doesn’ have the words neither to agree nor to disagree. She feels trapped, if she agrees it means that he will stay which is something that she is getting used to but it still dreads her because she doesn’t trust him and she doesn’t know what his real intentions are.

In the other hand, if she disagrees she would put her own company at risk and God knows to whom Finn will sell his shares without mentioning that all the work, time and energy she and all her staff have given him would be in vain.

Lexa looks back at the conference room and when she sees that everyone left after her, she gestures for Finn to follow her so they can talk more comfortably. Finn does and as soon as they step in, he asks “I mean what’s my role here?”

“A co-owner and a future CEO” Lexa answers.

“That’s the problem, I’ve been here for more than a month yet I’m still just ‘ _a future CEO_ ’ without power on the executive.”

“It requires patience and you know it. I grew up in this company to get where I’m at now,” Lexa explains.

“Exactly and you know me, patience is not one of my biggest virtues.”

“Do you feel ready to assume the position?” Lexa asks surprising Finn.

“I…emmm it’s…no,” He finally shakes his head, “I don’t belong here.”

“Then just sell me your shares and you’re done with this…with me! Isn’t it what you’ve wanted from the start anyway,” Lexa lets out using his own words referring to their fight in France.

She didn’t mean to do it, the words just came out before she can stop them because she’s feeling over the edge and deep down she is freaking out about what might be his final decision concerning her company.

“I….it’s not like that…not anymore. I’m…” Finn loses his words not knowing what he is supposed to say or how is he supposed to take it. For a second, he thinks about apologizing but he quickly shakes the idea away, because Lexa is not receptive and nothing he can say and no apology he can give is able to undo the pain he caused her and he sees in her eyes whenever she looks him.

Lexa regrets her biting tone and tries to change the topic as it seems that Finn is indecisive, “I forgot to tell you, Clarke wants you to come for Christmas dinner.”

Finn doesn’t answer, he feels his heart aching at the way Lexa puts it. He knows her well, she always chooses her words eloquently. She said ‘ _Clarke wants_ ’, not _~~them~~_ not _~~her~~_ but _Clarke_. If she had phrased the invitation otherwise he would have considered it so instead of replying to the invitation Finn simply answers to her suggestion, “I’ll call you after Christmas to talk about my decision, it gives me some time to clear my mind and think about staying or selling.”

“Ok,” Lexa lets out and just as Finn is about to leave she stops him, “What about Christmas dinner?”

“Send Clarke my thanks but I can’t. She’s my ex and I don’t want to be somewhere I’m not wanted,” Finn replies then adds before leaving the conference room, “Merry Christmas for you and Clarke.”

Lexa stays put not knowing what to do, a part of her feels bad and wants to catch him to tell him that he is welcomed and that she would like to have him for dinner but the other part strongly disagrees. It takes her a moment to come back to her senses and remember what she was going to do before Finn stopped her in her way.

For the rest of the day, she hardly manages to focus on her work. All she wants to do is go back home and forget about everything that happened. She doubts it would help her because she knows she won’t be able to forget Finn’s words and his tone or the way she felt.

**Later that day;**

**Lexa’s mansion;**

Once home, Lexa did her best to not let her mood affect her. She didn’t want to ruin again the precious and so short-lived moments with Clarke talking about Finn just like the last time particularly these last few days that have been the hardest for Lexa to deal with.

However, at the dinner table she couldn’t keep it for herself when Clarke asked her why she is silent today, Lexa replies frankly, “I told Finn you want him to come for Christmas but he refused.”

“Oh…alright,” Clarke lets out not surprised at Finn’s answer but pained at Lexa’s sad tone.

“I’m glad he did,” Lexa finally gets it out of her chest, “is it bad? Is it bad that I don’t care if he’s alone for Christmas?”

Clarke stops eating and looks up at Lexa feeling bad for her. It seems this thing with Finn keeps gnawing at her more and more each day.

“All I know is that you don’t deserve this, you shouldn’t feel guilty or bad or feel sad about how things are now because it’s not your fault.”

Lexa sighs defeated, “It is.”

“No it’s not, babe. I shouldn’t have asked you to invite him in the first place. I stupidly thought it would give you a chance to open up to each other. I naively thought he would accept and come and apologize or I don’t know…anything that can make you feel better and happy because it hurts me to see you like this.”

Lexa smiles at Clarke tenderly.

“I’m fine” She lies and Clarke decides to not linger on it, “And it’s not bad, you’re just hurt. Plus, it’s just Christmas it’s not the end of the world.”

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me that it’s bad indeed?” Lexa jokes lightly.

“No, you’re not ready to forgive him. These family wounds take time to heal. I didn’t forgive mom for years but it doesn’t mean that we stopped being a family, the same for you and Finn.”

“It’s not the same.”

“How would you feel if anything bad really bad happens to him?” Clarke asks throwing Lexa off guard.

“I…what do you mean by bad?”

“Like if he gets in an accident or something like that,” Clarke explains and Lexa gets her point taking a deep breath but doesn’t dare to utter her reply.

Clarke is right, maybe her pain is greater than anything for now but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about him. She can never just erase the fact that he is her family and that he is her brother because she cannot ignore the way she cares about him.

“Just so you know, I did suggest to hang out with him sometime the other day but he said no.”

“Why?” Lexa frowns.

“Probably because he doesn’t want to upset you.”

“You mean, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me….He wants to sell the shares and do something else,” Lexa says.

“That’s what he should have done at the first place.”

“Yeah but it’s not a good idea.”

“What? Isn’t it what you wanted too?” Clarke asks confused.

“Yes but it’s risky for both of us,” Lexa replies worried.

“For you maybe, not for him. He would cash the money and move on with his life.”

“Well, Finn is not really good at taking the right decisions so even if he does cash the money he would throw it away.”

Clarke shakes her head not believing what she is hearing, Lexa cannot help herself caring for Finn literally seconds after saying that she can’t forgive him “Did I tell you how much I love you, today?”

Lexa frowns confused but quickly catches up smiling shyly, “No.”

“Of course, because I don’t know, it keeps changing every single day.”

“I wouldn’t know either,” Lexa replies happily feeling better than earlier.


	23. Chapter 23

Clarke gets in the room and finds Lexa asleep in a sitting position with her mac still on her lap and her glasses on. She smiles at the sight, Lexa’s cuteness when she is wearing her big glasses and with her hair loose is beyond anything Clarke ever saw.

It’s everything for her.

She walks on her toes trying to avoid making too much noise that may wake up her beautiful girlfriend. She gently takes her glasses off her face, puts them on the nightstand before taking her mac and putting it away, then puts the blanket over her. Lexa stirs laying completely on the bed and making herself comfortable all without opening her eyes.

Clarke can’t help smiling lovingly at her. She leans down and places a featherlike kiss on her cheek before leaving to put her own pajamas. Once she is done and ready to turn off the lights, she notices that she did not turn off Lexa’s mac so she takes it and her heart stops when her eyes land on what Lexa has been doing.

It looks like that she was looking at or choosing rings, _engagement_ _rings_. Clarke’s heart jolts in her chest, she was not expecting Lexa to think about engagement and marriage yet. Especially after the talk she gave on her birthday when she found the onesie.

 _‘Oh, no!_ ’ Is the first thing that crosses Clarke’s mind when seeing it because she did think about marrying Lexa, she thought about proposing but she didn’t want to rush things, she wanted to make it special just like the way she sees Lexa.

It was not only the wrong timing for both of them _– she just got left on the aisle and Lexa was going through a hard time with Finn and the company –_ but they also deserved better. They deserved to live the euphoria of one of the most important step in their lives fully and not having it eclipsed by some family drama or difficult period at work.

Clarke thinks Lexa deserves the best, she deserves to have a memorable proposal and an intimate one. She didn’t want her to think that she is just rushing using her to replace Finn, she didn’t want her to doubt and she wanted to make her feel special.

She turns off Lexa’s mac then goes back to bed and tries to sleep but evidently fails, the beating of her heart is too loud and overwhelming in her chest that it is distracting.

And, she’s freaking out thinking about what to do, how to react and if she should tell Lexa or not because clearly she won’t be able to hide it. She is already a mess and her thoughts are already everywhere.

 _‘Oh my God, of course she wants to propose and she’s going to do it. She hinted it the other day when saying that we’d have a whole team to beat my parents’ Christmas’_ Clarke thinks feeling her heart melting.

Lexa won’t be just her girlfriend anymore, she is going to be her wife and her life partner. It’s not a strange feeling to her because Lexa is already her best friend, the love of her life and her life partner. All they are missing is a ring to make it official and Lexa is again beating her to it.

‘ _As much as I love her, this can’t happen. Why does she have to be this perfect? Always doing the romantic moves first and so naturally? I gotta do it before she does’_ Clarke thinks but then remembers that she doesn’t have a ring and that even if she does get one and propose, it is going to be rushed. She won’t be able to choose and find _‘The ring’_ for Lexa, it takes time and with Christmas’ shopping frenzy during the last days she doubts she can find something worth for her Lexa.

 _‘Fuck,’_ Clarke curses herself, she can’t possibly sleep while she has a proposal to plan but has no ring. She takes her phone and rushes out of the bedroom to call her mom and then realizes that her mother can’t be of any help as she is on a plane.

She calls Octavia instead despite the late hour, it is an emergency and she needs her help. She needs to tell her what is bothering her, she needs Octavia to give her an idea to suggest something because she doubts she can think clearly enough to do it on her own.

Octavia doesn’t pick up and Clarke keeps on insisting until she does, she barely understands what Clarke is saying or in this case muttering in barely intelligible whispers.

“ _She’s going to propose….propose on Christmas, O! How did I not think about it? Fuck! I’m stupid…How am I going to do it now…I don’t have a ring. I’ve….where can I find…how do…_ ” Octavia is trying to stop Clarke but she wouldn’t hear her because she’s freaking out so to get her attention, Octavia hangs up on her and calls back.

“ _I had it all plan-_ ” Clarke is interrupted by her phone ringing against her face, she jolts and understands that she was talking to herself. She picks up and before she can say anything Octavia stops her, “Shut up and calm down.”

Clarke doubts she can do both, she might be able to shut up but she won’t be able to calm down. Her heart is beating so fast and she is excited like a child. She takes a deep breath and lets out, “Ok, I shut up.”

“Good,” Octavia replies, “So I’m going to ask you a question and try to reply shortly, alright?”

“Ok,” Clarke replies pacing in the living-room.

“How do you know she’s going to propose?”

“I saw…she was looking at engagement rings on-” Clarke says but Octavia quickly interrupts her, “That’s all?”

Clarke keeps silent first, confused at Octavia’s question then says, “Yeah, but-”

“There’s no but, Clarke. When was she looking for engagement rings?”

“Euhh…tonight?” Clarke lets out not knowing what Octavia’s point is in asking her that.

“She’s not going to propose on Christmas, Clarke. Just chill,” Octavia concludes.

“But she is,” Clarke argues.

“No, she’s not. I don’t know her very well but I don’t think she would propose on Christmas….Have faith in her, she is more original than that. Proposing isn’t just something one does on Christmas. Besides, how is she going to buy a Christmas ring in a day? It takes time to choose the right one.”

“Alright, but I need you to help me find a ring for her so I can propose before she does,” Clarke says and hears Octavia laughing, “Are you kidding me? Did you just hear what I just said?”

“I…yeah but-”

“Clarke!” Octavia lets out in a warning tone then punctuates every word she says for her to understand, “Lexa **.** isn’t **.** going **.** to **.** propose **.** on **.** Christmas and neither are you.”

“I’m not?”

“No, you’re not cause you gotta do it right and rushing into it like that isn’t,” Octavia tries to explain stunned by her friend’s behavior.

“But I want to do it,” Clarke whines disappointed.

“You don’t want it, trust me. Well, yes you do but you’re just afraid that she beats you to it otherwise you’d take your time choosing the right ring for her and the right moment too. Not on Christmas.”

Clarke keeps silent realizing that indeed Octavia has a point, she would never just rush something that important for someone that special.

“What if she does propose on Christmas?” Clarke asks again in a whisper.

“Well, accept and propose to her later,” Octavia simply suggests then adds, “Go back to sleep now, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After the phone conversation Clarke felt slightly calmer because Octavia did make a very good point. A marriage proposal is not something that one can plan in a day or two besides she did not find a ring, Lexa was just _looking_ at some rings.

She had a hard time to sleep thinking about how she is going to act tomorrow with Lexa while knowing that she has been looking at rings. All she wants to do is wake Lexa up, tell her how much she loves her and then ask to marry her but she doesn’t have a ring and Lexa deserves better.

**Christmas eve;**

The next morning, Lexa wakes up first and realizes that she slept on Clarke again. She feels bad because she has done it the last few nights, she comes back home too exhausted to spend some quality time with her girlfriend and ends up neglecting her somehow.

Knowing that she won’t be able to make it up for her since they will have too much to do with their guests around who are probably going to stay the whole holidays at their place too, Lexa decides to make the most of her last moments alone with her girlfriend by first leaving the bed to get her a breakfast in bed.

She does her best to be quick because she knows that Clarke is not going to linger in bed as it is Christmas eve and she has been talking and preparing for it for almost a month now.

Clarke has some difficulties to wake up and keeps on asking Lexa to give her a few more minutes each time she tries again to wake her up but when Lexa tells her that she got her breakfast, her eyes pop open and her heart jolts in her chest remembering the reason of her lack of sleep.

She studies the tray in Lexa’s hands looking for a jewelry box, a ring or a question written somewhere but she finds none. She gives her a nervous smile pushing the crazy thoughts away for a moment and hoping that Lexa won’t propose anytime today or soon and says, “ _Merci ma chérie mais tu n'aurais pas due._ ” (Thanks sweetheart but you shouldn’t have.)

“ _Je voulais passer un petit moment avec toi avant que tout le monde débarque,_ " (I wanted to spend a little time with you before everyone comes,) Lexa replies kissing her girlfriend’s cheek.

Clarke hums appreciating the sweet gestures Lexa is doing for her while trying to hide her nervousness about what she saw last night and what she is dreading to happen. She keeps silent and barely interacts with Lexa who doesn’t miss it.

“ _Clarke, qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?_ " (Clarke, what’s wrong?)

Clarke’s eyes widen as she hears Lexa’s worried tone asking her, she thought she is doing well but she is clearly not good at hiding anything from her. Lexa knows her better now and she can tell that she is thoughtful “ _Je…euh…rien ma chérie._ _Je revois mon programme de la journée pour ne rien oublier._ " (I ... uh ... nothing sweetheart. I’m checking my plans for the day to not forget anything.)

“ _Je peux les récupérer de l'aéroport si tu veux,_ " (I can pick them up from the airport if you want,) Lexa suggests knowing that Clarke is worrying and not really happy about Marcus coming with her mother.

Clarke grimaces not wanting to bother Lexa further with this Christmas eve dinner even if she doubts she can do everything she planned on her own, “ _Non, je vais le faire. Ne t'inquiète pas._ ” (No, I’ll do it. Don’t worry.)

Seeing Clarke’s hesitation, Lexa tries again, “ _T'es clairement dépasser, Clarke. Laisse-moi t'aider._ " (You’re clearly overwhelmed, Clarke. Let me help.)

“ _C'est mes invités aussi, tu sais!_ " (They’re my guests too, you know!)

" _T'as raison, je n'y arriverai pas toute seule,_ " (You’re right, I can’t do it alone,) Clarke lets out defeated and Lexa giggles pulling Clarke and kisses her pout chastely before leaving the bed to get ready.

Clarke relaxes when Lexa leaves without popping the big question thinking that maybe Octavia is right _– Lexa is not going to propose on Christmas_.

She also feels a little bit relieved that she no longer have to pick her mother, Marcus and Costia from the airport. She doubts she can keep herself from expressing her disapproval again about Marcus joining their Christmas festivities feeling like her mother is betraying her father’s memory. It is stupid but she couldn’t help feeling that way even if Lexa managed to reason her; but unfortunately it did not last.

**_Later that day;_ **

Lexa leaves Clarke along with Octavia, Raven and Bellamy who came early to help her with the dinner preparations, and drives to the airport. She spends about an hour waiting for them to show up and when they finally do, she cannot help noticing the chemistry between Abby and Marcus.

Abby looks considerably more happy and “ _in love_ ” and Lexa hopes that Clarke stops being dramatic, sees it and realizes that her mother does deserve to be happy too after all she has lost her husband for years.

As for Costia, she seemed exhausted but nonetheless happy to be back. She even made the ride to Lexa’s mansion less awkward and intense after Abby asked why Clarke is not the one picking them up.

Lexa poorly justified the last minute change saying that she is not good at cooking so they had no choice but to change their plans accordingly if they wanted to feed the guests later.

Abby knew that Clarke chickened out of picking them up because of the argument they had when she announced that she will be coming with Marcus. She knows Lexa is just trying to make things less tense and more welcoming for Marcus for her sake so instead of insisting she decides to drop the conversation and Lexa was more than happy for it.

Once they got home, Lexa shows her guests the rooms where they will be staying then rushes to find Clarke and see how she is doing to try calm her down before she sees Abby hand holding Marcus knowing that it might somehow irritate her mood.

“Hi babe, we’re here,” Lexa says getting Clarke’s attention who looks at her then over her shoulder expecting to see them.

“I am here, they’re putting their luggage in their rooms,” Lexa corrects herself giving Clarke a reassuring smile before asking, “How are you?”

“You left an hour ago or two, Lover girl,” Raven comments while Octavia giggles, “I’m sure she’s fine.”

Lexa blushes at Raven’s comments but keeps her focus on her girlfriend instead who replies with a shrug, “I don’t know how I’m going to tolerate him around in Christmas.”

“Clarke, I’m sure you’ll do just fine once you see how your mom is happy.”

“I know but I can’t help feeling like this.”

Lexa feels her heart melting at the way Clarke looks so sad about her mother spending Christmas _– her father’s favorite holiday –_ with another man. She wraps her arms around her for a comforting hug but quickly pulls back when she hears footsteps coming to the kitchen.

Costia gets in the kitchen leading the way for Abby and Marcus who walk in right behind her, hand in hand which only makes Clarke more uncomfortable. They walk in her direction first to greet her while Raven already took Costia in a bear hug.

Clarke smiles nervously at her mother walking towards her then pulls her in a warm embrace despite feeling a little bit angry at her for bringing Marcus on Christmas.

“I missed you,” Clarke whispers to Abby who tightens her arms around her daughter.

“I missed you too.”

“Marcus!” Clarke says interrupting him as he takes a step closer to give her a friendly hug, making him stop abruptly and shake her hanging hand instead.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Marcus says looking between Clarke and Lexa but before he can say anything else Costia comes to greet Clarke.

After Abby introduced Marcus to everyone and the greetings were done, she looks at Clarke and asks, “So who’s in charge of the dinner?”

“Everyone, it’s a team work,” Clarke answers.

“I can help,” Marcus lets out trying to be involved and nice but Clarke quickly cuts him off.

“It’s fine, the kitchen is crowded.”

“You guys are our guests and I’m sure you need some rest.”

“Thanks, Lexa. We actually slept in the plane,” Abby says her eyes never leaving Clarke.

“I can use some help,” Bellamy blurts out.

“Sorry, not from me. I’m taking a nap,” Costia replies before leaving back to the guest room. Marcus feels like he is not really welcomed by Clarke and rushes in Bellamy’s direction.

“What can I do?”

“Help me unload the gifts from the trunk.”

“Right, the gifts. Clarke, can you come and help me?” Abby lets out rather firmly.

“Of course,” Clarke sighs walking out of the kitchen with her mother while Marcus leaves with Bellamy to make himself useful.

Raven waits for them to be far enough before looking back at Lexa and says, “You got yourself a fierce one, girl.”

“She misses her dad,” Octavia defends her best friend’s behavior.

“I know, it’s Jake’s favorite holiday. He used to be in charge of everything and now Abby brings Marcus…so it’s not really easy for Clarke,” Lexa replies trying to explain to Raven the reason of Clarke’s cold behavior towards Marcus.

She pauses for a moment then adds thoughtfully, “It must be hard for Clarke. I spent one Christmas with him and it was the best I ever had in my life, and now that I think about it it’s not easier for me too to picture their Christmas without him.”

“I never met him but I know that he was a good father and Christmas was a big deal for the Griffin’s and it’s the first one she is willing to fully celebrate without him hence her nostalgia,” Octavia adds.

 _“Oh my god,”_ Lexa mutters to herself, she thought Clarke simply misses her father and wants to recreate his favorite holiday. She didn’t know that Clarke had not celebrated Christmas since his death.

“Alright, I’m just saying that she can be nicer to him,” Raven says bringing Lexa from her thoughts who glares at her, “Like you were to her when you first met her?”

“Jeez! Forget I said anything,” Raven raises her hands up in surrender, “You’re really deep in it, Lexa.”

“Yes,” Lexa breathes out dreamily.

**********

Clarke follows her mother silently to the guest room where she will be staying with Marcus knowing that she is going to sermon her like a child for her behavior. She knows she could have been nicer and more specifically “ _welcoming_ ” with Marcus but she couldn’t help herself.

As soon as they get in, Abby closes the door and looks at her and says, “I thought we talked about that.”

Clarke sighs looking away not knowing how to defend herself and not daring to meet her mother’s look which is the worst thing she should do as it only makes Abby angrier.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so childish?”

“I’m not. I clearly told you that he’s not welcomed but you and Lexa kept…argh…I just don’t like him,” Clarke stutters nervously looking everywhere but at her mother.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” Abby orders having had enough and Clarke obeys looking at her while doing her best to not look away when meeting the angry glare she is giving her.

“You’ve always been nice to him, I don’t get it why this sudden change?” Abby frowns confused.

Clarke keeps silent for a moment trying hard to keep her unshed tears in then whispers shyly, “It’s Christmas.”

It takes Abby a moment to realize what Clarke means as she did not think about it that way, she was too angry at her daughter for being rude and impolite with Marcus to notice and connect the dots.

“I miss dad and I miss him even more on Christmas…and it feels like you’re betr- …it feels like you’re forgetting about him,” Clarke says hoping that her mother didn’t notice her slip up.

Abby did notice it but she doesn’t mind. She knows Clarke didn’t mean it, she knows that she just misses her father and it breaks her heart to see her daughter’s tears and not being able to ease her pain.

She closes the distance between them wrapping her arms around her tightly for a comforting hug and says, “I miss him too and I didn’t forget him, Clarke. How can I?”

“I don’t know…Marcus is a nice guy,” Clarke replies against her mother’s shoulder.

“He is, but it doesn’t mean he can replace him.”

Abby pulls back from the embrace and wipes the tears away from her daughter’s cheeks.

“Jake will always be a part of me, of us and even if he’s not with us today, he’s in our thoughts and that’s why I’m going to give you an early Christmas gift.”

Clarke smiles at her mother first appreciating what she is saying but then frowns questioningly at her last words, she never gave her an early Christmas gift, “What is it?”

“Just wait,” Abby answers as she walks to her suitcase, digs in it for a moment then looks back at her to give her the early Christmas gift she was talking about.

Clarke smiles surprised at her mother making an exception, “Are you sure about this? You never let me open Christmas gifts earlier.”

“I’m sure about this one, open it,” Abby encourages her.

Clarke unwraps the gift, it’s a Christmas sweater. Not any Christmas sweater, it’s Jake’s Christmas sweater. Clarke gapes at it for a moment then looks up at her mother who tells her, “You should wear it.”

Clarke thanks her mother with a tight embrace before wearing her father’s Christmas sweater with a big smile on her face and unconsciously pulls it to her face and nuzzles it then looks at her mom and says, “It’s the best Christmas gift I could ever receive.”

“You’ll receive much better, Clarke. But I do hope it’s the best of this year,” Abby answers not wanting her daughter to think that she will never have something more special or memorable in her life time.

“It is,” Clarke confirms happily tugging at her mother’s hand to make her sit so they can talk.

“I’m sorry for the way I behaved. It’s just hard to feel the Christmas spirit without him around. I tried but…”

“You sure did, the mansion is unrecognizable. Lexa must really love you to keep up with you,” Abby quips.

Clarke smiles nodding in agreement then continues, “Seeing you with Marcus kind of made me realize that it’s not the same. It’s stupid, it’s obvious that it’ll never be the same anymore and no Christmas decorations I hang and no Christmas traditions I revive can level up and it hurts to realize it…to realize that I’ll never have a Christmas as happy as the ones I used to have with dad ever again.”

“I know, Clarke. I’ve been there the first Christmas without him that’s why I couldn’t celebrate it and you hated me fo-”

“ _I’m sorry,_ ” Clarke interrupts with a whisper feeling guilty for what she has done but Abby quickly reassures her, “It’s fine but it gets better I promise. Yes, Christmas with Lexa is going to be different than the one you spent with us your parents, but it doesn’t mean it will be less happy...then in a few years you’ll have to spend it with your own kids and it will be again different….that’s just how life is.”

Clarke’s lips twitch up in a smile at her mother’s reassuring words. She can’t possibly do better than bringing what her future with Lexa might be to cheer her up. She can’t help thinking that her mother is right, she is thrilled to spend Christmas with Lexa after all it is their first Christmas together as a couple.

“I should be grateful for having you here with me this Christmas, I don’t deserve it after all I’ve put you through,” Clarke confesses.

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, Clarke,” Abby says wrapping her arms around her daughter again when Marcus walks in the room and instantly realizes that he just interrupted a mother-daughter moment.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you had company,” He apologizes before heading back to the door to leave but Clarke catches him, “Marcus wait!”

Marcus turns back and looks hesitantly at Clarke waiting to hear what she has to say but it seems that she has some difficulties in finding her words. Abby could feel her discomfort and Marcus’ too so walks and stands next to Clarke then gives her a reassuring tap on the back and says, “She has something to tell you, I’ll go see if anyone needs my help.”

“So?” Marcus lets out looking back at her as Abby leaves the room. Clarke takes a deep breath to collect all her strength and says, “I owe you an apology for the way I’ve been treating you… I…I’m really sorry, I should thank you for being here and making my mom happy instead of being mean to you.”

“It’s fine, I should have asked how you feel about it before agreeing to come.”

“As long as you make my mom happy, you’re welcome,” Clarke shrugs with a friendly smile on her face.

“Right, about that I might need your help with it,” Marcus replies rushing to his coat happily.

“With what?” Clarke’s smile doesn’t last long leaving place to confusion as Marcus takes a jewelry box from his coat and hands it to her adding, “I don’t know much about rings so I’d like to have your opinion on it.”

Clarke takes the box from him and opens it. It is a diamond ring, a beautiful diamond ring and it is obviously an engagement ring.

“Do you think she would like it?”

“She…what? Are you going to propose?” Clarke asks ignoring his question.

“I….yes. Why else would I buy her a diamond ring?” Marcus replies even more confused than Clarke.

“What’s wrong with you?” Clarke blurts out. Now she understands Octavia’s certitude that Lexa is not going to propose on Christmas because who does rain on Christmas’ parade on purpose really?

She gives him the ring back then adds, “It’s Christmas, who proposes on Christmas?”

“A lot of people does, including me.”

“The ring is perfect but it’s a terrible idea,” She replies in all honesty.

“No, it’s not. It’s romantic,” Marcus defends.

“Only if you’re spending Christmas with her and only her,” Clarke says doing her best to not just leave the room then adds, “besides Christmas is for Christmas not proposals…you have more than three hundred days to do it and yet you’re choosing Christmas?”

“So you’re ok with it? With me proposing to your mom?” Marcus asks enthusiastically as he first thought Clarke is acting like that because she doesn’t’ approve.

Clarke freezes at the realization, things might have been mixed in her head with the fright she had the previous night about the possibility of Lexa proposing to her on Christmas before she can do it.

She opens her mouth to say something to agree and tell him that she is happy for him, for her mother, for them but the words die in her throat remembering her father.

A part of her feels like she is betraying him, betraying his memory by consenting to let another man in her mother’s life, in their lives and in their home consequently.

In the other hand, she knows that Marcus being part of their lives is not going to erase or make them forget about all the memories and things they lived with her father but she cannot help feeling like that. Her thoughts run wild and her vision blurs as tears start running down her cheeks.

Marcus freaks out, he didn’t mean to upset Clarke. In fact, it’s the opposite of his intention. He wanted to show Clarke that he does love her mother, that he is willing to do anything to make her happy and that she has nothing to worry about but instead it seems like all he is doing is making it worse.

“Oh my god, you…you don’t want me to propose.”

“No, no…I-” Clarke feels her throat sore as the words come out of her mouth, “I’m happy for you. She’s going to love it.”

Clarke hopes she sounds persuasive and true to Marcus otherwise he wouldn’t believe her. She doesn’t want to be the one standing against her mother’s happiness. She wipes her tears, takes a deep breath then excuses herself saying that she has to go back to the kitchen if she wants the dinner to be ready before rushing away.

As soon as Clarke steps into the kitchen, she tries to make herself busy and avoids meeting Lexa’s eyes so she won’t notice that she has been crying but Lexa notices something else first.

“She made you wear one too?”

Clarke frowns for a second then understands what she is talking about, Lexa is now wearing a Christmas sweater too and it simply looks adorable on her. She nods smiling at her in confirmation but her smile is not so convincing and Lexa doesn’t miss it. She approaches her discreetly and whispers worried, “Babe, you alright?”

Clarke smiles at Lexa loving how affectionate she is with her and says, “It’s dad’s sweater.”

“Oh, are you ok?” Lexa lets out stepping into Clarke’s personal space and cups her face in her hands obliging her to meet her eyes.

“I’m fine. Just…emotional”

Lexa wraps her arms around her in a tight and comforting embrace that Clarke welcomes greedily needing to feel her best friend’s reassuring and warm arms around her.

Lexa doesn’t let go of her despite her friends’ banter and stupid gestures they make behind Clarke’s back especially Raven who exaggerates even more when she hears Clarke whispering against Lexa’s neck _‘I love you.’_

But then Abby steps in and Lexa loosens her arms right away only for Clarke to tilt her head back and kiss her. Abby clears her throat to let her presence known and says, “Are we having dinner tonight or are we going to suck faces?”

Raven and Octavia burst in laughter, cutting short Clarke’s kiss who turns back without pulling away from Lexa and jokes back, “We can do both.”

“I’ll go get them busy, call me if you need me,” Lexa whispers to Clarke before pulling Raven and Octavia out of the kitchen with her to help her set the table leaving her girlfriend alone with her mother.

“You look happy…happier I mean,” Clarke says after watching her mom for a moment around the kitchen.

“I am,” Abby confirms.

“I get to spend Christmas with the ones I love, it’s something.”

Mother and daughter keep talking while waiting for the turkey to cook. It works for a moment until Clarke asks her out of nowhere, “Do you…do you love Marcus like you...” Clarke stops coming back to her senses and apologizes, “I’m sorry it’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not,” Abby replies knowing where it is going and Clarke asks her again, “Do you love him like you loved dad?”

It takes Abby a moment to reply as she has never stopped and thought about it so she can’t give her an answer just like that. In addition, she wants to find the right words to not hurt her daughter.

“Yes, but it’s different. I doubt I would have looked at Marcus if Jake was alive…I still love him to this day,” She affirms putting her hand over her chest, “he is my first love, he was my husband and he gave me a precious little girl, he supported me to be the best doctor I could be.”

“but he’s not here anymore and Marcus is…he is here whenever I need him, he makes me feel things I haven’t felt for so long. He makes me feel loved….desired-”

“Alright, I get it,” Clarke interrupts her laughing nervously, “A yes would have been enough.”

Abby chuckles at Clarke’s reaction then adds, “I just want you to understand that he really matters for me.”

Clarke nods understandingly and focuses back on their dinner.

**********

“It’s going to be an interesting Christmas,” Anya says to her father knowing what they are walking in Lexa’s mansion for.

“You’re not going to stay over, are you?” Titus asks his daughter seriously thinking that it is best if they just dine and leave.

Anya stops and looks at her father disappointed, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Why would you?” Titus asks back.

“Are we really doing this again?” Anya lets out frustrated.

“Yes, we are as long as you are with her.”

Anya closes her eyes to keep herself from lashing out at her father, she has been way too patient with him and it starts to get on her nerves.

“You know I’m right. Raven’s not the right one for you. You deserve-” Titus replies but gets interrupted by Costia who spots them.

“Here you are!” Costia lets out happily rushing to hug her friend she has not seen for a while before looking at Titus and greeting him politely.

“Hey, happy to see you too,” Anya says happily before asking, “How was your trip?”

“Exhausting! “I’ll never get used to it. I don’t know how Lexa does it.”

“No one knows,” Anya replies amused and glad that Costia interrupted the stupid argument she was going to have with her father once again.

“I’m so jetlagged I barely greeted Clarke’s friends properly before going to bed,” Costia admits embarrassed.

“They’ll understand,” Anya reassures her knowing that Octavia and Bellamy are quite easygoing individuals.

“We should get going, they are waiting for us,” Titus interrupts them clearly feeling out of place before all three continue their way to the living-room where Lexa and Clarke had the old big table set for this special occasion.

Raven is the first one who notices them walking in and consequently she is the first one to greet them much to Anya’s dismay who intentionally came late to avoid being with her around her father as he strongly rejects their relationship.

Of course instead of the usual kiss on the lips, Raven just gives Anya a friendly peck on the cheek and shakes Titus’ hand before looking at Costia and engaging in a conversation with her leaving the last comers to greet the others.

Anya is more than happy that Raven did not give her a proper kiss on the lips despite missing her and wanting it. She knows Raven is aware that her father does not approve of their relationship but she doesn’t know how to tell her about the real reason because she knows it is fucked up and that it will hurt her feelings.

To be exact, it is not about Anya getting with a woman that bothers Titus the most but the fact that this woman is Raven. He never really was fond of her since the first time he met her, he always saw her as the main source of Finn’s stupidity and bad choices back when they were teenagers.

The problem is, it stayed that way because all he ever knew is crazy teenage party girl Raven. He never got to see the adult she became, he never got to see the caring, passionate, and loyal Raven and he never got to see the way she looks at his daughter otherwise he would have known that she is more than the right one for her.

Anya felt pretty comfortable around everyone except Abby of course especially the first moments when she had to greet her but the discomfort and the weird tension quickly dissipated once everyone was in the living-room and dinner was being served.

“Should we say grace?” Clarke whispers to Lexa nervously.

Instead of Lexa answering, Bellamy does from the other end of the table, “I say we should dig in right away, we’re hungry.”

Lexa smiles at him then says, “Alright but we should take a picture, don’t you think?”

“Just one please,” Costia interjects next to him, “I don’t want too much evidence of me looking like this.”

“Come on, you look fantastic,” Octavia spontaneously compliments making her blush.

Lexa quickly leaves the table while they are chitchatting, sets the camera and the timer before rushing back to her place and asking everyone to look at the camera lens.

The first few minutes are quite as everyone is busy eating but then Titus addresses Lexa speaking for the first time since he walked in the living-room.

“For as long as I can remember, this place never looked so lively as it is today.”

His words warm Clarke’s heart maybe even more than Lexa’s as this is exactly what she wanted to create, to give her girlfriend and have with her _– a warm Christmas with the ones they love_.

“We all know she’s really competitive,” Raven lets out.

“How is that?” Bellamy asks curious.

“It must have costed a fortune to get it all decorated,” Titus adds and Raven rolls her eyes at his statement.

“It’s Clarke who thought and did all of this, not me,” Lexa replies.

“But you liked it, didn’t you?” Clarke says teasing Lexa who replies with a shy smile, “I…yes I did.”

“Well that’s new,” Costia comments amused.

“There's no neighbor around, with whom are you competitive?” Marcus asks confused and regrets it right away when Raven replies on Lexa’s behalf, “The Griffins, Abby’s and Jake’s Christmas.”

Clarke doesn’t miss both her mother’s and Marcus’ discomfort and feels bad for them hoping that her guests just change the topic to talk about anything that does not alter anyone’s mood.

“Nice try Lexa, I must admit but Christmas is not only about decorations.”

Clarke nods in agreement with her mother while Lexa gets defensive, “It’s our first Christmas, let’s say we’re only getting started.”

“Can anyone enlighten me about what you’re talking about?” Anya asks confused as the last few weeks she did not really talk with Lexa to know what they are talking about and she has been quite distracted staring at Raven since the minute she walked in the living-room.

“Well Jake and Abby used to have the best Christmas ever and Lexa is trying to beat them to convince Clarke that she’s worth her love,” Costia quips.

“How do you know?” Anya asks uttering Clarke’s thought.

“Well, I heard a lot about it,” Costia replies looking at Lexa with a smirk.

Titus feels guilty for making his initial comment that led to this conversation so he defends his hosts, “Lexa is an over achiever as for Miss Griffin she’s a well determined lady so I am confident that they will do better next Christmas.”

Both Clarke and Lexa chuckle, pleased with Titus’ attempt to defend them which unfortunately only helps Raven to mock Lexa further and with more enthusiasm.

“Did you hear that, Lexa? Yes you can.”

Everyone on the table laugh except Titus who feels annoyed and decides to finish eating and stop interacting otherwise his words will only help the others to make Lexa uncomfortable.

 _‘Of course we can, we’ll have a whole team,’_ Clarke whispers leaning closer to Lexa who instantly turns crimson red having Abby sitting in front of her and knowing what Clarke implies.

“Clarke you might need to call the firefighters. Your girlfriend’s cheeks are on fire,” Bellamy adds which earns him a high-five from Raven.

“Alright everyone, stop teasing my girls. Please:” Abby says then continues with a less serious tone, “I’m the only one entitled to it.”

“Thanks,” Lexa breathes out happily.

“We should thank you, Lexa” Abby replies looking at Lexa, “Jake would be proud of you for gathering us together on his favorite holiday, this holy night as it hasn’t happened for a while. Wish you the best in trying to come close to our Christmas even if-”

“Oh, mom’s feeling threatened now,” Clarke laughs interrupting her mother.

“No, I’m not,” Abby denies before resuming, “Now everyone please, let’s have a toast for Clarke and Lexa and their first attempt at Christmas.”

Everyone around the table raises his glass and drinks for them before digging back in and forgetting for some time about what had been discussed except for Marcus who keeps thinking about what Abby said last concerning this Christmas being their first one for a while despite its importance in their household and its significance to somehow commemorate Jake.

Clarke’s behavior and her persistence on not choosing this day to propose makes more sense now and it makes Marcus feel guilty for deciding to go for it even if Clarke clearly advised him not to do it and choose another day.

Being seated next to Costia, the Blake siblings get the opportunity to know more about her as they spend the dinner chitchatting together.

In fact, Bellamy is the one interested in Costia who is rather interested in Octavia by the way she is eyeing her, which amuses Raven and gets her mind off the shitty situation she is in being obliged to not interact with Anya to avoid get on Titus nerves while Anya is bored from hearing him, Marcus, and Lexa talk about work.

Overall, the dinner goes pretty well making Clarke the happiest and consequently Lexa too who could not tear her eyes away from her beautiful smile she fell in love with when they were kids.

And once they were all sated and the dinner was over, Clarke starts clearing the table but Lexa stops her and tells her to enjoy her time with their guests while she takes over with Bellamy and Costia who suggests to help.

***

A moment later, Clarke finds an opportunity to have a word with Marcus when he walks out to the balcony to have a smoke and she does not waste it quickly following him outside. Abby notices it and smiles glad to see her daughter trying to interact with Marcus instead of giving him the cold shoulder as she did when they first arrived.

“You smoke?” Clarke asks surprised and Marcus looks down guiltily at the cigarette in his hand and says, “Occasionally. You want one?”

Clarke laughs shaking her head, “Oh no, I quit long ago. I don’t want Lexa to kick me out tonight. She hates it.”

“So does your mom,” Marcus reflects turning it off before falling into an uncomfortable silence.

Clarke is thinking about a way to bring the marriage topic with Marcus again and tell him that he should do it whenever he feels like it is the right moment and ignore her earlier comments about the matter so she just lets it out breaking the tense silence.

“You should do it, tonight. Or tomorrow, or whenever you feel like doing it.”

Her words bring Marcus back from his own thoughts who gives her a confused look and asks, “What?” He came to the balcony to think about what he should do now that he cannot propose to Abby on Christmas morning like he has planned and when Clarke followed him out to the balcony, he decides to apologize for wanting to take the spotlights from their first family Christmas and explain that he didn’t know otherwise he would not have thought about it.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ruined your moment and try to talk you out of proposing on Christmas. If you feel like it’s the right moment for you, just do it and forget what I said,” Clarke elaborates guiltily.

Marcus smiles gratefully at her then answers quoting her words, “I won’t do it, you’re right _‘Christmas is for Christmas’._ ”

“Oh my God, no. I was completely wrong,” Clarke lets out afraid that she might have succeeded in talking him out of doing what he wants.

“I would have proposed if the timing was right for me and Lexa and if I had a beautiful diamond ring sitting in my pocket.”

“You’re wasting a precious time and risking to lose her if you’re waiting for the right timing. Out of everyone, you should be the one who knows best that life is unpredictable.”

“Exactly, then you should definitely do it then,” Clarke replies making him smile.

“I will but I can wait a day or two. I’m thinking about taking her out for a date night, do you think it’s romantic enough?”

Clarke feels more relaxed about his answer and nods, “Yeah, she’ll love it.”

“Good, then I’m proposing after Christmas,” Marcus reaffirms smiling before Clarke excuses herself to get back inside telling him that he should do the same if he doesn’t want to propose with a stuffy nose.

As soon as they get back inside the living-room, Anya rushes to Clarke and asks to have a word with her.

“I shouldn’t ask you a favor but I really need your help to save my night and I don’t have any other option,” Anya blurts out embarrassed.

“Why, what’s going on?” Clarke asks looking around the living-room for something unusual that might ruin Anya’s night.

“Well, I was hoping you could keep your mom away from my father as she seems to be the only one talking to him.”

“Why would I do that?” Clarke looks at her confused.

“Because I want him to get bored and leave,” Anya replies in a breath.

“Ow, alright. I’ll find something…and get him bored,” Clarke says hesitantly.

“He didn’t want to come in the first place anyway, so don’t feel bad about it,” Anya reassures her.

“I guess it’s time for some board games, don’t you think?” Clarke suggests wittily.

“Or better, Christmas movies. They’re his favorite.”

“What a genius idea,” Clarke quips back before leaving to apply their Machiavellian plan.

Anya looks at Raven who is listening to Octavia while sipping her drink and feels jealous. Her girlfriend has been with Octavia the whole time while she was stuck with her father all day long at home and here too.

She walks in their direction and when she finally gets right next to Raven, she asks softly, “Mind if I join you?”

Raven tilts her head and looks at her with a bright smile, “Here you are. You finally escaped your father’s attention?”

"Yeah, kind of,” Anya replies then Octavia notices that her glass is empty she asks if they want a refill before walking away. Anya waits for her to be far enough before looking back at Raven hungrily and says, “I miss you.”

“Me too, I’m sorry for being distant but I don’t want provoke your father.”

At the mention of her father, Anya looks his way and Raven adds, “See, that’s what I’m talking about.”

“It’s not like that, he’s just old school-” Anya tries to justify but stops when she sees him walking in her direction.

“Here we go again,” Raven whispers disappointed.

“Anya, it’s time for us to leave,” Titus says abruptly.

“Alright, let’s go,” Anya replies to her father impatient to get rid of him to enjoy the rest of the evening then looks at Raven and tells her, “I’ll drive him home and come back.”

Raven nods with a smile that Titus quickly takes away by saying, “We were invited for dinner, why would you come back?”

Anya lets out a deep breath then pulls her father and leaves without saying anything else.

**********

Much later, when Clarke finally succeeds to get everyone in the living-room even Bellamy and Costia to sit down and gather around a Christmas movie, she goes to the kitchen to help Lexa finish cleaning.

“Need help?” Clarke asks making Lexa turn back and look at her lovingly then says with her hands full, “Not really but I wouldn’t say no to some company.”

Clarke smiles closing the distance between them only to wrap her arms around Lexa’s waist from behind, then nuzzles against her back and moans appreciating the sweet scent of her shampoo.

“I think you nailed it,” Lexa says.

“We did,” Clarke corrects before kissing Lexa’s neck making her shudder and turn around in her arms to face her.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired and I just wanna go to bed.”

“What about our guests?” Lexa asks wrapping her arms around Clarke’s shoulders.

“They’re watching a movie, I’m pretty sure they won’t notice that we’re missing.”

“No, I’m fine. I really want to watch the Christmas movie,” Lexa replies seriously making Clarke giggle then leans down and kisses her lips tenderly.

“That’s unfair,” Clarke whines after breaking the kiss.

“What is it?”

“You telling me that we should go back to our guests then you kiss me like that.”

“It’s not my fault, your lips were calling me,” Lexa replies.

“How in the world did you manage to get her? You have zero game,” Raven jokes as she walks into the kitchen wearing her coat and ready to leave.

“I thought you’re spending Christmas with us?” Lexa asks disappointed.

“Well, that’s what I thought too but we’re not. Anya left,” Raven replies.

“Really?”

“Yeah but she’s coming back,” Clarke says.

“How do you know?” Lexa and Raven ask at the same time feeling like they missed something.

“Well, I helped her to get rid of her father so she can spend some time with you, I think,” Clarke shrugs.

“I know, that’s before he dissuaded her to do it.”

“You can still stay, I’m sure Anya will join us early in the morning,” Lexa suggests.

“No, thanks. If I’ve to spend a night alone in a bed, better do it in mine,” Raven replies before leaving.

Once Lexa was done with cleaning, she takes Clarke’s hand and drags her to the living-room reassuring her that they won’t stay long as everyone must be tired by now.

Clarke has too much going on in her mind to focus on the movie, Marcus proposing to her mother _– and how things are going to be once they got married –_ Marcus’ words when he told her that she shouldn’t wait too long for _‘the right timing’_ because life is too short and unpredictable.

Lexa in the other hand enjoys her time with their guests, especially with Bellamy who seemed fascinated by Costia and kept hitting on her while she was completely oblivious, too focused on the movie and cuddling with Octavia.

“She’s your ex, right?” Bellamy asks Lexa who fights the urge to laugh and nods.

“So do you think I’ve a chance with her?”

Lexa looks at Bellamy closely for a moment, not believing that he went there then simply replies, “She’s a lesbian.”

“Maybe she’s bi now! I mean the way she looks at me it’s not so lesbian and she kissed me under the mistletoe.”

“Are you sure it’s the same person we’re talking about?” Lexa asks confused not believing what she just heard.

“Yeah, I think she likes me.”

Lexa chuckles at Bellamy’s despair because she noticed the way Costia was checking out Octavia when she walked in the kitchen with Marcus and Abby to greet everyone earlier.

“I don’t want you to get your hopes up but she’s been a lesbian for as long as I knew her.”

“Don’t be jealous, you have Clarke,” Bellamy replies before leaving her speechless, going to try and squeeze himself where Abby was sitting earlier on the couch with Costia who ends up cuddling Octavia so he can sit next to her.

**At Raven’s apartment;**

Anya goes back to Lexa’s mansion expecting to find Raven there and hoping to save what is left of the evening but unfortunately Clarke informs her that she left a few minutes after her while Lexa tells her that she seemed sad and that she better make it up for her.

Despite getting no answer to her calls nor to her texts from Raven, Anya decides to drive to her apartment and apologize. On her way she tries to find the right words to get Raven to forgive her for ruining their Christmas eve but as soon as she arrives and Raven opens the door wearing her pajamas, she forgets what she wanted to say staring lovingly at Raven for a moment before asking, “Mind if I come in?”

In lieu of a verbal response, Raven steps to the side opening the door further silently inviting her to come in then closes the door and goes back to her room Anya walking right behind her but when she gets in her bed, the blonde stays put.

“I’m really sorry, I know you’re mad at me but-” She starts talking but quickly Raven interrupts her tapping on the bed, “Just hop in the bed.”

Anya takes off her coat then complies joining Raven who instantly scoots closer to her so they can cuddle.

“We’re not talking, are we?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Titus hates me and it’s ok.”

“He doesn’t hate you, he’s just-”

“Old school?” Raven interrupts her questioningly.

“You’re right, he doesn’t really like you but who cares? I mean he doesn’t like anyone of my friends except Lexa and I’m not even sure of that either,” Anya explains then says, “What’s important is that I love you.”

Raven smiles at her happily and before she can say it back Anya adds, “I do more than just love you, I’m in love with you.”

Raven pulls Anya for a kiss then whispers against her lips, “I love you too…so much.”

Anya smiles feeling her heart flutter in her chest, she reconnects their lips leaning down and pushing Raven on her back to straddle her but the brunette doesn’t let her stopping her halfway.

“Wait, I’ve something to give you first.”

“Can’t it wait for tomorrow? Cause I’m thinking about something better like making love to you,” Anya lets out missing her girlfriend.

“Oh my God, you’re even gayer for me than Lexa is for Clarke,” Raven quips before pulling Anya for a chaste kiss then rushes out of the bedroom only to come back with a rather big wrapped box in her hands.

“We’re not opening our Christmas gifts now, Raven plus I left yours in Lexa’s place.”

“Don’t worry, my official Christmas gift for you is there too. This one is…anyway just open it.”

“Alright,” Anya complies finally unwrapping the box only to find in it several items wrapped. She looks up at Raven feeling guilty and says, “I’m the worst girlfriend ever. I only got you one gift.”

“Don’t worry, we…these are kind of for both of us,” Raven replies with a smirk then takes the smallest gift apart and says, “Open this one last.”

Just like she was expecting and what Raven hinted, Anya finds out that indeed the gifts or in other words the sex toys are for both of them.

“See! We can even use them now,” Raven suggests.

“Maybe later,” Anya replies putting everything back in the box before placing it next to the bed adding, “I want to make love to you, I want you to feel all of me. No rubber, no toy, nothing, just me.”

“Oh,” Raven lets out, “That’s sexy but I’m sorry, I gotta interrupt you again before we do that. You didn’t open the most important one.”

Anya rolls her eyes as Raven gives her the gift she told her to open last, “If it’s another sex toy, I swear I’m-” Her words die in her throat when she sees a set of keys.

“Are you…are you asking me to move in with you?” Anya asks taken aback, she was not expecting it in a near future. She did not even thought about it knowing how Raven is when dating someone.

It takes Raven a moment to answer, not knowing what Anya would like to hear the most so she just blurs out feeling like the silence is getting too uncomfortable for the two of them.

“Only if you want. I mean you can move in with me or just use them whenever you come over…or maybe…shit I’m really bad at this.”

Seeing that Raven is having some difficulties in expressing herself, Anya asks to make things clear and easier, “What do. **you**.want? Do you want us to live together or do you simply want me to have your spare keys for whenever I stay over?”

“I don’t want simple,” Raven quickly replies biting her lips.

“Neither do I,” Anya says back.

**Back to Lexa’s mansion;**

**The guest room;**

Feeling too tired from their trip and the animated evening they just had, Marcus and Abby wish everyone a good night before leaving to their room. The first thing Marcus does when they get there, is to hide the ring in a safer place while Abby is in the bathroom so she cannot find it since he won’t be proposing tonight nor tomorrow.

Once she is done and back to the room she finds him already in his pajamas and in the bed waiting for her. She leans down and kisses him then says, “Thank you for being here.”

“I’m happy you invited me. At least I got to know Clarke better,” Marcus replies honestly.

“I’m sorry she’s just emotional and-” Abby starts to apologize but Marcus interrupts her.

“Hey, it’s fine. You don’t need to apologize. It’s just that it would have been nice to know what this Christmas means for you because for a moment, a long one, I felt like the party pooper.”

“I didn’t know that she’d react that way,” Abby says feeling bad for Marcus, “And yes this Christmas means a lot for us but you mean a lot for me too and I wanted to spend it with the ones I love.”

“Alright, it’s good to know that I’m on the list. All I have left to do now is get Clarke to not hate me,” Marcus jokes.

“I doubt that Clarke talking to you instead of watching her favorite Christmas movie means that she hates you,” Abby says getting into the bed then asks curious, “I wonder what you two kept talking about?”

“Don’t, I won’t tell you anything. It’s a secret.”

**Lexa’s bedroom;**

After Marcus and Abby left the living-room, Clarke goes to Lexa who is sitting alone scrolling in her phone which reminds her about what she has seen in her mac the previous night. She leans down, places a soft kiss on her cheek and says, “Can we go to bed now?”

“Yes, please!” Lexa lets out more than happy to see that Marcus and Abby went to bed already. Clarke chuckles and asks, “What about staying with our guests?”

“Things changed, now our guests want their privacy,” Lexa nods toward the Blakes and Costia squeezed between them on the couch and then whispers to her, “Besides, I want mine with you too.”

“Well, let’s give it to them but you, don’t get your hopes up. I’m exhausted,” Clarke warns Lexa taking her hand and dragging her to wish them a good night before leaving to their room.

“I can massage you if you want?” Lexa suggests watching Clarke stretching her back muscles.

“What type of massage do you have in mind?”

“Anything that makes you feel better,” Lexa replies walking behind Clarke and starts massaging her shoulders.

“Oh my God, your hands…” Clarke breathes out eyes closed enjoying Lexa’s hands for a minute.

“Why don’t you lie down and let me take care of you,” Lexa whispers in her ear after placing a featherlike kiss on her neck sending shivers down her spine.

“Oh no, you’re doing it again,” Clarke replies moving away from Lexa, “I’m not letting it happen again.”

“What are you talking about?” Lexa chuckles confused.

“I’m talking about not finishing what you start, leaving me in a hot mess and sleep easily,” Clarke replies going to take her pajamas.

“What?” Lexa lets out in disbelief.

“When did I ever do something like that?” She asks checking out Clarke who is taking off her clothes.

“You never finished what you started the first night you slept home with me…oh wait you didn’t even sleep with me in the same bed, you slept in our guest room,” Clarke replies reminding her.

Lexa laughs, “You’re never letting that one go, are you?”

“I’m not. Now stop checking me out and come cuddle me to sleep,” Clarke adds putting her pajamas pants on before getting in the bed.

Lexa complies joining Clarke in the bed and pulling her arms before suggesting, “What if I make it up to you?”

Clarke hums against her chest feeling too tired to speak giving Lexa the opportunity to add, “Alright, the massage offer still stands if you want.”

Clarke tilts her head back meeting Lexa’s eyes and asks, “No extra that may leave me frustrated?”

“No extra,” Lexa confirms before Clarke lets go of her and lies down on her belly waiting for her girlfriend to massage her but instead Lexa gives her a chaste kiss, gets out of the bed and the room completely leaving her confused.

When Lexa is back, Clarke turns and looks at her asking, “I thought you-” The words die in her throat when she notices her hands full. She flips on her back to have a better look and lets out abruptly, “Wait. What’s that?”

Lexa freezes on her spot and asks back confused, “What?”

“The little bag in your hand,” Clarke points out not wanting Lexa to propose before she gets to do it.

“Oh, this? Massage oil and something for you,” Lexa replies happily making Clarke jump on a sitting position now raising her hand to stop her from getting near.

“No, don’t come any closer to me with it. Let me tell you something first.”

Lexa frowns not knowing what is happening in Clarke’s mind for her to act this way, she nods and waits for her to say whatever she wants to tell her but Clarke keeps silent. She smiles at her nervously trying to calm her beating heart in her chest by breathing deeply.

She cannot help thinking about Marcus’ words over and over again which gives her the crazy idea to just propose to Lexa without a ring. She looks around the room looking for something belonging to her that may act as a ring then jolts out of the bed rushing to her bag when Lexa speaks again.

“Clarke, you’re freaking me out. I just want you to read something I wrote for you a while ago.”

“You what?” Clarke turns back looking at Lexa confused.

“It’s just a letter I want you to read,” Lexa repeats adding, “and your favorite chocolate I got knowing that you’ll be exhausted after this dinner, it’s my way to thank you for everything.”

“Oh…I thought you-” Clarke stutters then stops letting out a nervous chuckle before walking towards Lexa with teary eyes saying, “I love you, I just…love you so much…you’re the love of my life, Lexa.”

Lexa is staring into Clarke’s eyes feeling each of her words echoing in the deepest places in her heart and all her being. Yes, she knows that Clarke loves her it nothing new but there is something different.

Well, everything is different this time. The way Clarke is looking at her, the way her voice sounds and the way she is now kissing her is different too. A beautiful kind of different.

“You’re my everything,” Clarke whispers against her lips after pulling back from the kiss taking Lexa’s breath away.

They stay there in the middle of the bedroom for a long moment, arms wrapped around one another in a warm embrace while giving each other sweet kisses between the soft whispered love words they manage to breathe out until Lexa starts walking Clarke to the bed.

“Lie down,” She orders while Clarke’s heart is still beating wildly because she didn’t get to ask her question and now it is there hanging in her mind and she wants to ask it.

The fact that she was a second away from doing it before Lexa interrupted her makes her realize that she is ready and she doesn’t want to wait to do it anymore. Why wait when she knows that Lexa is the one for her?

Clarke comes back from her thoughts when she feels Lexa’s hand kneading the back of her neck helping her to relax. She keeps silent for a moment trying to relax and appreciate what Lexa’s hands are doing to her then asks, ”Can I have what you promised me?”

“Of course but a fair warning before you read it. It’s nothing like the love declaration you just gave me, I’m warning you.”

“It’s ok. The chocolate will compensate,” Clarke quips.

“One more thing, I wanted to give it to you tomorrow but I don’t want anyone else to read it, especially not your mom,” Lexa warns Clarke again before taking the letter and hands it to her. Clarke quickly opens it and starts reading meanwhile Lexa is massaging her.

_“My dear Clarke;_

_The last few days have been the craziest yet we are about two weeks away from Christmas. I can’t wait to see how the next few days are going to unfold as it seems the closer we get to it, the more you succeed in turning me into a whovillian aka a Griffin._

_I already know that I am going to have and experience the happiest Christmas for so many reasons, one of them is the fact that it is our first Christmas together as adults which means I’m going to spend it with an upgraded version of my beautiful crazy princess and let me tell you something I’m already enjoying it especially when you are hanging the decorations as I get a really nice view from down so thank you for giving me that._

_Another reason is your mannerism in general I get to see again, some grimaces, faces and smiles I haven’t seen for a while probably since we were kids. They warm up my heart and make me realize that ‘Holy moly I’m back with my best friend” and this is something I wished for so long._

_The most important reason that makes this Christmas the happiest one for me is because I get to finally start working on keeping my promise I made you ages ago about spending each of our future Christmases together. Hence this letter I use today to renew the promise I never get to fulfill when I was younger having no power over my own life._

**_« Je promets de faire tout ce qui est en mon pouvoir pour passer nos futur noëls ensemble tant que tu voudras de moi »_ **

**_(I promise to do everything in my power to spend our future Christmas together as long as you want me)_ **

_Thank you for giving me my first Christmas years ago, for sharing with me your loving family, for making me feel loved that night and finally thank you for teaching me what love is._

_All I ever wished after that Christmas is to keep my promise but I failed and all I ever wished for the last ten Christmases or so is to have you back in my life and finally it happened so I am going to do whatever it takes to keep you close because you are my happiness._

_Unconditionally yours;_

_Lexa”_

Half way through reading the letter, Clarke asks Lexa to stop massaging her so she can flip on her back and cuddle her while reading her letter. Lexa happily complies and gets rewarded with a few kisses.

“Forever, that’s how long I want you with me,” Clarke whispers against Lexa’s lips before connecting their lips for a languorous kiss this time to thank her for her letter.

“I’ll be honored.”

“Thank you for having me too,” Clarke says then adds, “I just have a question.”

“What is it?”

“What did you wish this year?”

“Clarke, it’s a wish. I can’t tell you.”

“Come on you mentioned your past wishes, why not this one?” Clarke insists playfully.

“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”

“I’ll tell you mine,” Clarke tries again but Lexa is formal she shakes her head and replies, “I really want mine to come true so I’m not telling you, forget it.”

Clarke fakes a pout that Lexa kisses right away before putting aside everything, diming the lights then getting back in the bed and a few minutes later she calls out Clarke in a whisper who simply hums feeling to sleepy.

“ _Je t’aime,_ ” (I love you,) Lexa whispers again reenacting their first sleep over and first Christmas eve together.

“ _Je t'aime aussi. Maintenant laisse-moi dormir,_ ” (I love you too. Now let me sleep,) Clarke replies despite her sleepiness.

**Living-room;**

Once the movie ends, Bellamy looks at Costia and finds her fast asleep half her body on Octavia’s lap who looks at him guiltily knowing that her brother had been trying so hard to charm the redhead but failed to.

“Can you please carry her to the bed?” Octavia asks in a whisper to not wake her up.

“Are you out of your mind? What if she wakes up, she’s going to think I’m a perv.”

“Come on, Bell. She won’t and you know it, please. I don’t want her to wake up, look at her,” Octavia begs him but to no avail.

“If I carry her, I’ll take her to my room,” Bellamy jokes making Octavia furious who lets out rather loudly, “Bell, come here. Come back.”

“What do I get if I carry her?”

Octavia rolls her eyes then begs him again, “Please, Bell I’m going to pee on myself.”

Bellamy laughs walking away, leaving Octavia stuck with Costia sleeping on her lap while she has an urgent need to go to the bathroom. She wanted to go half way through the second movie but seeing that Costia was asleep she waited hoping that she will wake up on her own and realize that she is practically cuddling her.

Octavia tries softly to wake Costia up so she can go sleep comfortably in a bed and for her to go to the bathroom but the redhead doesn’t seem to be a light sleeper. It takes Octavia about ten minutes to finally wake her up.

“Hey,” She says once Costia stops rubbing the sleep off her eyes but the redhead doesn’t say anything staring silently at her for a moment making her forget about her urgent need and everything around.

For a moment, a really short one her eyes drift down to Octavia’s lips and the brunette doesn’t miss it. She averts her eyes to not let Costia lure her into something she knows she shouldn’t do and says, “The movie is over.”

“Wanna watch another one with me?” Costia quickly suggests not wanting the evening to end.

“You were asleep and now you want to watch another movie?” Octavia asks laughing in disbelief.

“I…I know. I just want to…I don’t want the night to end. I feel like I missed on everything,” Costia replies stuttering feeling like she has missed most of the evening while she could have been awake and enjoy Octavia’s presence longer.

“You’re jetlagged. You should get some sleep, don’t you think?”

Costia keeps silent for a moment then nods with a shy smile, “Yeah, I probably should.” Before moving away and off Octavia’s lap freeing her.

Octavia walks Costia to the room and just as she is about to wish her a good night the redhead leans placing a soft kiss on the corner of her lips taking her breath away.

“I...I should go-” Octavia stutters nervously and Costia smiles finding her even more adorable when flustered.

“Don’t you want to…” Costia begins to invite Octavia then realizes their reality, “it’s stupid, I can’t invite you for a last drink in my ex’s place.”

“Then have a good night,” Octavia says after agreeing with a nod but she doesn’t do any step to go her way and neither does Costia.

“What if I ask you to stay, would you?” Costia asks surprising Octavia and herself in the process.

“No…I mean yes..No, no I can’t I’m…” Octavia pauses letting out a deep breath and just as she is about to resume Costia lets out, “You’re dating someone, it’s fine really. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Hey, no. I’m…single and it’s complicated because right now I just need to go somewhere else…” Costia frowns not understanding what Octavia is trying to say but quickly the brunette answers her unasked question.

“Can you show me where the bathrooms are? I’m going to explode,” Octavia blurts out doubting she can wait any longer.

“Oh, of course,” Costia says taking her hand and rushing her to the nearest bathroom before walking back to the room to sleep.

She gets in the spare room Lexa gave her, digs in her suitcase for her pajamas and wears them before getting in the bed feeling like she shouldn’t have tried anything because it is only going to make things awkward between them.

She scolds herself for trying to convince Clarke’s friend to get in bed with her. First, she is obviously not able to commit to anyone here in the USA right now. And then, it is Octavia who is not just anyone that she can consider as a one nightstand yet that is what she has suggested to her instead of being true to her and tell her that she really likes her.

Costia is interrupted from her guilty thoughts by a soft knocking on her door, she waits to hear it again to make sure that there is indeed someone knocking and that it is not just her desperate imagination which is playing her but then Octavia knocks again making her jumps off the bed.

She opens the door and finds her standing with two glasses and a bottle of champagne in her hands. Before she can say anything, Costia tugs her in the room and closes the door then without thinking it through she pushes against it and kisses her fervently like she has been wanting to do for hours now.

When their lips finally part Octavia lets out her cheeks crimson red, “You can’t invite someone in your ex’s place but I can invite you in my best friend’s girlfriend’s place if it makes sense, what do you think?”

Costia chuckles, “It does for me.”

“Good,” Octavia breathes out relieved, “you can’t say no either as it’s my way to thank you for saving my bladder.”

“Well, it sure is a legit excuse to turn someone down,” Costia replies jokingly.

“Let’s drink this so I can forget my humiliation.”

**The next morning; Christmas;**

The next morning, Clarke wakes up and finds Lexa’s side of the bed empty and cold as she woke up much earlier which disappoints her. She would have loved to have a moment with Lexa alone before she has to leave their bubble and share her attention with their guests.

She takes a moment longer in bed for herself thinking about her yesterday’s clumsiness when she almost proposed to Lexa with her father’s watch which is the only thing she thought of being the most precious thing she processes.

She can’t believe she was about to use her father’s watch. It is not that she doesn’t want to give Lexa the most precious thing she owns, it is not about Lexa not deserving it either but it is her father’s watch for heaven’s sake and Clarke would never give it to someone else even if it is Lexa, the love of her life.

Clarke shakes the thoughts away from her mind and leaves the bed finally deciding to join everyone to open the gifts and just as she steps out of the bedroom, she hears Costia’s voice whispering something not far behind her.

She turns back expecting to see Costia talking to her but instead she spots her sneaking out of the room leaning in for a last kiss to whoever is in the room before stepping completely outside.

Costia’s eyes widen realizing that she just has been spotted but the only person she doesn’t want to see her sneaking out. Clarke smiles at her confused as it may either be Bellamy which is a bad idea because Costia should not lead him in something knowing that she won’t be able to commit since she is living in France now. Or it can be Octavia which is even worse as she really can’t picture her best friend with Costia without mentioning that it will create unnecessary drama because Bellamy seemed really interested in her.

To avoid the talk, Costia manages to get back to her senses bidding Clarke a good morning and walking away as if nothing happened. Clarke frowns at how easily Costia left without giving her the opportunity to react and say anything.

She resumes her path to get herself a good coffee she desperately needs from the kitchen where finds Lexa, Marcus, her mother and Bellamy all awake and having breakfast which leaves only Octavia as a contender for the morning kiss Costia happily gave barely a minute ago.

“Good morning and merry Christmas everyone,” Clarke says happily trying to forget about what just happened taking a seat next to Lexa who turns and gives her a sweet peck on the lips which surprising everyone not only Clarke.

“Merry Christmas,” Lexa adds with a shy smile.

“See, that’s what I want to have,” Bellamy says then looks at Abby and asks, “Why is it hard for me to find someone?”

“Because you always choose the wrong ones,” Octavia replies walking in the kitchen.

“Or maybe because you pay too much attention to the looks,” Abby answers having an idea about the way Bellamy chooses his girlfriends.

“Yeah, I do that,” He agrees guiltily.

“Don’t be too harsh on him, it’s Christmas,” Clarke says hoping to get Octavia’s attention who is too focused now on getting her breakfast.

“Thanks, Clarke but she’s right. It seems that I’m only attra-” Bellamy doesn’t get to finish his sentence when Costia walks into the kitchen causing him to stop and say instead, “Good morning and merry Christmas, beautiful.”

Octavia rolls her eyes at her brother and his stupidity for insisting on someone who is clearly not interested in him.

And Costia politely answers wishing him back a merry Christmas while everyone except Clarke are looking at her and Bellamy entertained.

“Did you sleep well?” He asks making her uncomfortable “Yeah, thanks for asking.”

Octavia unconsciously lets out a huff annoyed at Bellamy who stands to pull the chair for Costia to sit. Clarke fights the urge to laugh bringing her cup to her mouth and sipping her coffee.

“Maybe your sister isn’t wrong after all she knows you better than me,” Abby says seeing that Costia is not really appreciating the extra attention Bellamy is given her and she is trying to be polite as she obviously not interest in him.

Seeing Bellamy’s discomfort after realizing that he just made a fool of himself, Lexa takes pity on him and jumps in saying, “Let’s call Raven and Anya, they would want to open their Christmas gifts with us.”

“Especially Raven, I’m sure she wouldn’t want to miss more than she already did,” Clarke says amused.


	24. Chapter 24

**_Two days later;_ **

Clarke drags Octavia with her to do the groceries just so she can talk to her about Costia because she waited for her to do it on her own but she didn’t. Whenever she tried, someone interrupted them. And that’s why she could not wait any longer to kick some sense in her best friend knowing that if she doesn’t soon, Octavia is going to get hurt.

“You spent the night in her room again,” Clarke lets out seeing that Octavia is not willing to tell her anything on her own.

“You know!” Octavia says looking everywhere but at Clarke walking beside her.

“Who doesn’t by now?” Clarke asks rhetorically. “Except for Bell.”

“I’ll tell him.”

“What are you going to tell him? Are you guys dating?”

“No, we…we’re not.”

“Then what are you doing? Do you guys even know?” Clarke asks softly, seeing that Octavia is already affected by what is happening. “She’s here only for a week.”

Octavia keeps silent knowing that Clarke is right to react this way because she would do the same if the roles were reversed. She wants to give her best friend an answer, a logical one. However, she doesn’t know what they are doing. All she knows is that she likes it and she doesn’t want to stop.

“Oh my God! You didn’t talk about it, did you?” Clarke stops walking through the groceries store tugging Octavia’s wrist to get her attention.

Octavia shakes her head. “Why would we? It’s obvious we’re just having fun.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Alright, I don’t want either of you to get hurt,” Clarke says releasing Octavia’s wrist not wanting to insist any further.

“Don’t worry, we’re both adults. We know what we’re doing.” Octavia replies just to close the topic but it only worries Clarke more. It is obvious that she is just trying to avoid facing the truth. She is already affected, she has no clue what her little sexcapades with Costia mean or where they are going to take her.

“Not so convincing.”

Octavia huffs gesturing at her chest, “I do but this stupid one doesn’t but it’s fine…it must be the alcohol I’m consuming these days and the holidays that are making me so reckless.”

“I see.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow anyway,” Octavia adds with a shrug.

“You can stay until she leaves but it’s probably a bad idea.”

“Why? Don’t you have any faith in me?”

“No, you’re going to love her more. It’s Costia, she’s….I couldn’t _not_ like her even when she was dating Lexa, O. She’s charming, friendly, warm-hearted…she’s just lovable.”

“I know,” Octavia breathes out defeated.

“So what are you going to do?”

“Nothing, I guess I’ll just leave tomorrow and I’ll see you after the New Year’s Eve for the ring shopping.”

“I doubt I can wait, why don’t we start today?” Clarke suggests happily.

“I don’t know. Did you tell your mom you’re going to propose?”

“No, why?”

“Because she’s your mom and she would want to help you and be part of this after barely being invited to your first wedding.”

“I will, just not now. Marcus is going to propose today and it’s not like I’m going to do it tomorrow. It’s going to take time to find the right ring.”

“Oh! That’s...” Octavia doesn’t find the right word to describe the situation knowing that Clarke might be not so happy about the news.

“Yeah, but he’s a good guy,” Clarke replies adding, “he makes her happy.”

**Lexa’s mansion;**

**Living-room;**

When Clarke told her that she would rather do the groceries with Octavia alone so they can talk and suggested that she should stay to not let Bellamy embarrass himself and Costia again, Lexa knew it is a terrible idea and that she is going to regret it as it seems that nothing can stop Bellamy from doing it one way or another.

“What I don’t understand is how you’re still friends with your ex and the woman she literally stole her from you,” Bellamy says out of nowhere making both Costia and Lexa uncomfortable.

“It’s because our friendship means a lot for us,” Lexa replies trying to spare Costia from doing it but the redhead replies spontaneously, “It’s because I love her and I knew Clarke will make her happy.”

“You make her happy too,” Bellamy says looking at Lexa then adds seriously, “She’d do anything for you but it doesn’t mean you’ll get away as easily as you did with Costia if you ever dare to look at another woman.”

Costia’s eyes widen, she can’t believe what she is hearing and neither does Lexa who is looking at him confused.

“I’ll….I mean Octavia will take care of you,” Bellamy adds.

“It won’t happen, I love her.” Lexa reassures him seriously taking her phone which is ringing to see who is calling.

“I hope for you because she loves you…a lot.”

“Sorry, I've gotta take this call,” Lexa excuses herself happy to leave.

Costia bites her lip trying not to laugh at what she just witnessed. The minute Lexa is out of sight, she looks at Bellamy and asks, “Did you just threaten Lexa?”

“Yeah, Clarke’s like a sister…I’d protect her like I protect, O.”

“Of course,” Costia replies thoughtfully not knowing how to tell Bellamy that she likes his sister before he walks in them kissing or worse then she can’t help asking, “Why? Is Octavia dating someone?”

“Yes, no…kind of?” He replies hesitantly and Costia tries to ignore her disappointment and whatever the shitty feeling she got hearing his answer.

“I doubt he would try anything again. I already had a talk with him, or to be honest my hand did,” Bellamy replies poking Costia’s curiosity.

“Why what happened?”

“He cheated on her.”

In one hand, Costia feels sorry for Octavia because it sucks to be cheated. But in the other hand, she feels angry at her because it means that Octavia lied to her when she said she is single while she is not done with her ex-boyfriend.

“Does she love him?” Costia can’t help resuming her interrogatory to know if she is being used as a rebound affair.

“Yeah, I guess. They’ve been together for a few months.”

“Oh, it’s pretty serious,” Costia comments just when Lexa comes back and Bellamy says, “All I know is that anyone who plays my sister, will have to deal with me.”

Thinking that Bellamy is still talking about her and Clarke, Lexa answers, “Don’t worry, Bellamy. I love Clarke more than you can imagine. I’ll do everything to make her as happy as she makes me.”

“Alright, I believe you.”

“Thank you, I just came back to tell you that I’ve to leave but I won’t be long,” Lexa informs them before leaving.

“Do you want to get out for a coffee since everyone left?” Bellamy suggests.

“Not really, but thanks.”

“Alright, what do you want to do?”

“Talk?” Costia replies taking the opportunity to let him know that she is more interested in Octavia than in him.

“It’s ok, I know,” He interjects before she can say anything else. Costia looks at him confused and somehow relieved that she has not to do it anymore but then he continues, “I’m sorry for trying to…beautiful women are my weakness and you’re gorgeous. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t, it’s fine,” Costia replies smiling nervously at him.

“No, it’s not. I was stupid, I kept trying even if I did notice you checking out Octavia.”

“I…well it’s kind of-” She stutters trying to confirm his statement when she hears Clarke calling him out to carry the groceries with her.He excuses himself and rushes to help Clarke.

Costia follows him then finds Octavia carrying a few bags herself, she approaches her to help but the brunette refuses and walks straight to the kitchen leaving her speechless.

**_Later that day;_ **

**_On the dinner table;_ **

Costia feels like Octavia’s coldness gets even worse throughout the day and especially during dinner which alters her mood. She gives up on trying to interact with Octavia as it is the only way to spare herself the misfortune of being the brunette’s anger target.

She doesn’t understand why this sudden change in her behavior. She should be the one sulking after what she learnt from Bellamy concerning Octavia’s still ongoing relationship.

“Don’t forget to pack tonight,” Bellamy says reminding Octavia who looks at Costia guiltily before looking back at her brother with a death glare. She wanted to tell Costia tonight that she will be leaving tomorrow but he just did it for her.

“You’re leaving?” Costia looks at Octavia confused at the reason why she did not tell her making the tension between them even thicker. Octavia is too aggravated by everything in her mind to reply

“Yeah, we are,” Bellamy replies on his sister’s behalf.

“You’re welcome to stay. At least we get to spend more time with you since we’ll soon go back to France too,” Lexa suggests to Octavia for Costia’s sake who looks disappointed.

“Thank you, Lexa. Lincoln has been nice enough to keep Chewy and take care of him longer than what we agreed, I can’t ask him again,” Octavia explains and Costia feels her heart tightening thinking that this Lincoln might be her ex-boyfriend or boyfriend, Bellamy talked about.

“He’s a nice guy and he likes your dog more than anyone. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind keeping him an additional day or two,” Clarke insists trying to convince her best friend to stay longer so she can have more time with Costia and figure out whatever it is happening between them.

Costia was seriously considering to ask Octavia out officially on a date despite her situation because she felt something different worth exploring but after what Bellamy told her this morning and the way Octavia has been behaving with her, she doubts it is the right move.

“I already texted him this morning that I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Having had enough, Costia excuses herself poorly to Lexa saying that she has a headache and leaves the dinner table then right away. Octavia rushes after her knowing that shed lied just to leave and feeling like she is for something.

“Did I miss something?” Bellamy asks.

“You missed a lot,” Clarke replies.

“She and O?” He asks again, Clarke nods confirming and he adds thoughtfully, “So that’s what she was trying to tell me this morning.”

“She did?” Both Clarke and Lexa ask surprised.

“Yeah. I thought she was trying to make her point.”

“I told you she’s a lesbian, Bell” Clarke says and Lexa adds, “Me too and you thought I was being jealous.”

**********

Octavia opens the door and gets in the guest room Costia is staying in without knocking and finds her pacing around. In fact, Costia was looking for her stuff to start packing and leave because she is too angry to stay around longer.

“Hey, I’m sorry Ididn’t tell you but I wasn’t…well Lincoln texted me this morning and-” Octavia tries to explain but Costia interrupts her feeling too angry to hear what she has to say.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to justify yourself. It’s not like we’re together anyway.” Costia says opening her suitcase and throwing it on the bed.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“I’m packing. It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Costia lets out harsher than intended.

“Your flight is only in two days,” Octavia says.

“I know, I don’t think I can stay here any longer. I’m clearly making you and probably everyone uncomfortable.”

“Hey, no. You’re not, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” Octavia starts apologizing but again Costia interrupts lashing out at her feeling hurt.

“Then why are you giving me the cold shoulder? I know I’m just a rebound affair for you or whatever but it doesn’t excuse the bitchy way you’ve been treating me since this morning.”

“What?” Octavia lets out confused feeling like she has missed something. Yes, she has been in a shitty mood after realizing that her and Costia can’t possibly be together but she did not mean to act bitchy with her.

“It’s fine, O. I get it, I’ve had my share of one night stands after Lexa and I know what it is. You don’t-”

“Costia stop. You’re not a one night stand, not at all. What made you think that?” Octavia interjects firmly.

“Then what am I for you? Tell me,” Costia asks defiantly throwing Octavia off guard who keeps silent for way too long than she should. She opens her mouth and closes it a few times to answer but nothing Costia wants to hear comes out of it.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know…I think we both know that you’re not just a one night stand.”

Costia turns her back to Costia and resumes packing when Octavia adds, “And you’re leaving so we can’t…”

“What if I’m not?” Costia blurts out looking back at Octavia.

“Then I’d love to see…to try if we,” Octavia says closing the distance between them. “I’d love to take you out on a date, dates.”

“It would be nice,” Costia mutters softly with a weak smile. “But I’ll be the one taking you out in a date, not you.”

Octavia frowns, “Why?”

“Well, I’m the one who flirted with you first so we both know I’d be the first one asking you out. I’m older too, and I can cook you a dinner that would make it hard for you to not get in my bed,” Costia quips with a smirk.

“Cocky, but I like it,” Octavia comments before taking Costia’s hand in hers. “Don’t leave, please. I don’t want to be the one ruining your stay with your friends. I’m leaving tomorrow anyway.”

“And that’s it?” Costia asks making Octavia grimace. “Why it’s always me who has to answer the tough questions?”

“Because I’m confused and I want to know what you’re expecting of me because I can’t…”

“I know,” Octavia interrupts, “I don’t expect much except to keep in touch and if you ever come back I’d love to take you on a date.”

“I told you I’ll be the one asking you out,” Costia quips rolling her eyes jokingly before Octavia leans up and places a soft kiss on her lips taking her breath away.

“Now, I can go pack,” She mutters against Costia’s lips who wraps her arm around her waist preventing her from moving away.

“Why don’t you start here? You left your underwears,” Costia suggests not wanting to let go of Octavia yet.

“I’d rather finish here” Octavia retorts before pecking Costia’s lips. “Or better, why don’t we go back finish eating first?”

“It’s going to be a weird dinner, let’s go,” Costia says pulling away from Octavia who quickly stops her. “Wait, what about after tonight?”

Costia smiles weakly at Octavia then says, “See you can ask the tough questions when you want:”

Octavia smiles back at her and shrugs then waits for the redhead to tell her what she wants them to do after tomorrow when she will leave to get back to her life and her dog Chewy.

“Let’s take it the way it comes, we keep in touch and that’s all. We’re friends who just enjoyed some time together.”

“Like fuck buddies?” Octavia asks frowning.

“No,” Costia quickly replies, “that’s not what I meant.”

“I think you did,” Octavia replies chuckling.

“Alright, we’re friends who would date if they were living in the same country,” Costia corrects this time more confidently.

“I like that better,” Octavia nods in appreciation.

After figuring out what they are to one another or at least that is what they like to think, they both head back to the kitchen to finish their dinner. Fortunately, they find Lexa alone in the kitchen clearing the table who tells them that Clarke went to take a shower and Bellamy went out for a smoke.

Later that night, the earlier drama between Octavia and Costia was long forgotten when Abby and Marcus came back to the mansion from their date night as the newly engaged couple.

**_Two weeks later;_ **

**Woods office building;**

**Lexa’s office;**

Lexa received a few calls that she carelessly rejected or forwarded, she read her emails but answered none of them and she even went into two meetings this morning but she doesn’t really know what was discussed. All she was thinking about is the fate of her company. She has been sitting in her chair for about an hour without being effective and to keep her mind off worrying she tries to text Clarke which doesn’t go as expected.

**_Clarke: What’s wrong, Babe?_ **

**_You never text me from work!_ **

****

**_Lexa: I just miss you._ **

****

**_Clarke: Ow! I’ll be home right where_ **

**_you left me. Now go back to your work_ **

**_Love you_** ❤

Lexa lets out a disappointed sigh looking down at her phone, that’s not what she had in mind when texting Clarke. She thought Clarke would be more welcoming like she always is instead of quickly get rid of her. She was hoping Clarke would take her mind off worrying about Finn’s absence.

Indeed, he didn’t show up again at the company after Christmas which means that he didn’t take a final decision and consequently it takes Lexa back to square one and postpones her return to France with Clarke which is something she’s not happy about.

She genuinely thought things were getting better the last few days with him, at least that’s how she felt because the blame, the anger and all the negative feelings she had whenever she saw him considerably lessened.

She started to get used to his presence in her work place. She learned how to interact with him without being afraid to find herself somehow arguing about the real issue between them.

She thinks about calling him to see what his decision is but then refrains, instead she takes her phone and calls Jasper who has been around Finn the last weeks more than her and with whom Finn spent his Christmas, thinking that he knows when he is planning to come back.

Unfortunately, Jasper informs her that he cannot help her as Finn doesn’t share any of his plans nor thoughts about his situation with Lexa or the company. He suggests to call him if she really wants to know but Lexa refuses and asks Jasper to not tell Finn that she’s been asking about him. She doesn’t want to pressure him into anything and if she does it can push him to take a decision that may cost her a lot.

The ding of the elevator is the first thing that manages to bring Lexa from her thoughts. Anya walks in her office looking rather angry than worried about Lexa’s absence of mind.

“I don’t understand why you’re still here?” Anya asks seriously making Lexa frown in confusion.

She looks at her wrist and realizes that it is already lunch break.

“I’m not hungry,” She says. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be having lunch with Raven?”

“I should but I couldn’t wait any longer, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been absent the whole morning.”

Lexa takes a deep breath then says, “I’m worried about Finn, well about his absence. He hasn’t showed up yet.”

“You’re worried about Finn?” Anya lets out surprised.

“I’m not worried about him. I’m worried about the fate of our company.”

“If you’re worried about it you should pay attention, not spend the whole morning thinking about Finn. He’s a slow learner but he’s not stupid, he won’t attempt anything again.”

“Did he talk to Raven?” Lexa asks thinking that if Anya is not worried, it means she knows more than she does.

“No, but it’s obvious that he won’t be trying anything any time soon.”

“That’s what I thought last time then he showed up with a lawyer,” Lexa replies not so much convinced.

Anya keeps silent for a moment, Lexa does have a point. If she lets down her guards with Finn, anything can happen just like it did last time because he is clearly not over what happened.

“Just ask him to come and talk to him.”

“I can’t unless I know how he’s feeling.”

“Just do something, it’s clearly taking a toll on you and affecting your work and soon the company,” Anya explains.

“I will,” Lexa replies with a weak smile. “Now go before Raven starts sending me mean texts for keeping you here.”

“She won’t this time,” Anya chuckles then just as she is about to leave she looks back at Lexa and invites her, “Come have lunch with us.”

“Thanks but I think I’m going to take the rest of the day off and spend some time with Clarke, she’s home alone and I’m not of any use here anyway.”

“Alright, see you tonight then,” Anya returns.

“Tonight?” Lexa asks not remembering that they are supposed to meet somewhere, Anya rolls her eyes. “The Grounders tonight; the four of us.”

“Right, tonight.”

****

**********

Since the day all of her guests left and Lexa was back to work, Clarke has been busy looking for the perfect ring. She goes most of the time alone and whenever Octavia is free she accompanies her both to help in choosing the ring and to do her own groceries.

Despite Octavia’s efforts to hide that she is affected by Costia’s departure, Clarke noticed it. Her mood changed the last few days and Clarke didn’t miss the way her face lights up whenever she hears her phone buzz and then how sometimes it dramatically falls if the text or the calls not from Costia.

“You’ve everything you need?” Clarke asks bringing Octavia back from her thoughts, excited to show her the ring she thinks it might be the one for Lexa.

“I don’t know….maybe?” Octavia replies hesitantly making Clarke impatient.

“What’s wrong with you today?”

“Nothing, I’m just...not in the mood for anything, really.”

“Sorry for dragging you with me then,” Clarke adds feeling guilty, “do you want to leave?”

“No, it’s fine. Let’s go see the ring,” Octavia grabs Clarke’s hand and pulls her toward the exit of the shop.

“Are you sure?” Clarke insists and instead of answering her question Octavia asks her back, “What time is it in France?”

Clarke smiles apologetically at her friend then says, “It’s Costia, isn’t it?”

Octavia nods biting her lip and admits shyly. “I want to text her and see how she’s doing…I feel bad for not saying goodbye.”

“Yeah, that was a shitty move.”

“Don’t rub it in, please….I already feel-”

“Stupid, I know,” Clarke interjects finishing Octavia’s words. “Don’t you think you’re going to make things worse if you text her? Just apologize for not showing up and disappear again.”

“I…I don’t want to do that. I like her, Clarke.”

“I’ve heard it before about Raven, remember?”

“I know but it’s different,” Octavia defends, “Costia is…argh I don’t know what she is but she’s what I want.”

“Wow, that’s romantic,” Clarke blurts out stopping abruptly and looks at Octavia who stops walking too but doesn’t dare to look into her best friend’s eyes.

“Yeah, you can say that.”

“She’s hot so I can understand why you’re like this,” Clarke says gesturing at Octavia who frowns and finally looks at her.

“Hey, stop perving on her.”

“Oh God, no that’s not what I meant,” Clarke chuckles, “I told you before she’s an easy likeable person.”

“I think it’s…like a love at first sight kind of thing,” Octavia confesses with a grimace feeling weird to imply that.

“What? It wasn’t even the first time you met her.”

“I know but it was the first time I had the opportunity to talk to her.”

“Don’t tell me you believe in love at first sight now!” Clarke lets out in disbelief.

“I don’t know. What if it is?”

“Are you saying you love her?”

“No, I just feel so…I miss her ok? And I keep about her.”

“She’s a crush, you’ll get over her,” Clarke says tugging Octavia to resume their path to the car.

“No, she’s more than that,” Octavia argues, “Did I ever get attached to someone as easily?”

“You didn’t get to know her out of a bedroom and you’re hooked. Her bed skills must be really good.”

“Yeah but it’s not just…”

“Oh no, I can’t believe I just thought and said that. She’s Lexa’s ex,” Clarke interrupts Octavia then pouts adding, “What if she and Lexa had-”

“Shut up, it’s about me and Costia. Lexa and her, that’s water under the bridge now. She’s your wife to be so forget about her past relationships. She’s going to be your forever.”

“You’re right,” Clarke’s face lights up instantly at the reminder, she is going to propose to Lexa and she is finally going to be hers forever.

“Back to me and Costia,” Octavia adds seeing that Clarke is sporting a heart eyes and about to zone out thinking about Lexa.

“Sorry, can you picture Costia with someone else in bed?” Clarke asks getting in the car.

“Clarke!” Octavia lets out not believing that her best friend is still talking about Costia in bed.

Clarke laughs shaking her head, “Not like that, what I mean is do you feel jealous about the idea?”

Octavia hops in the car and it takes her a moment to answer, “I’ve never been the jealous type and…I don’t…wait! I can’t, no that’s…I don’t want her to be with anyone else but me! Not in bed and especially not out of bed.”

“You got your answer then,” Clarke lets out before driving to the jewelry shop where she saw the ring she thinks is the perfect one.

With the music and the talking, Clarke misses Lexa’s call and even leaves her phone in the car when she and Octavia go into the jewelry shop and after getting her best friend’s approval on her ring choice, they first go have lunch then Clarke drives Octavia back to her apartment before finally getting home and finding Lexa there waiting for her.

“Oh, you’re here,” Clarke lets out surprised to find Lexa home.

“I wanted to have lunch with my girlfriend and spend some time with her but she wasn’t home, ” Lexa says with a smile happy that her girlfriend is finally back home.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I did,” Lexa replies pulling Clarke in her arms so she can kiss her.

“Sorry, I was with O and I left my pho-” Before she can finish her sentence, Lexa interrupts her with a sloppy kiss then whispers against her lips, “I’ve been thinking about doing this the whole morning.”

Clarke feels Lexa’s hands all over her body, pushing her even closer against her and before she can say anything Lexa smashes her lips back against hers in a searing kiss.

In fact, Clarke left her phone in the car because she came back just to take one of Lexa’s rings as a measurement's reference to the one she has finally chosen and now she is stuck. She can’t leave Lexa alone while she has been waiting for her, she would probably suggest to go with her so all she has left to do is lie _– Lying, something she’s not good at._

She pulls back breaking the kiss and says, “Sorry, I’ve to leave…O is feeling a little bit down and I promised I’ll go see her today. I just came to…to take something and leave,” and rushes to the bedroom leaving Lexa confused.

First, she told her that she was with Octavia and now she tells her that she promised to go see her today. Lexa follows her to the bedroom and just as she is about to get in Clarke steps out of the bedroom, gives her a chaste kiss and says, “Sorry, I’ll make it up to you at dinner.” Then leaves again without giving her the chance to say anything.

Lexa’s thoughts run wild as she goes back to the living-room and sits alone on the couch. _‘Did Clarke just lied to me? No, impossible. She would never do that…unless she is hiding something! What can she possibly be hiding? She is not hiding anything. It’s just a poor choice of words on her part’_ Lexa thinks then remembers how she quickly get rid of her this morning when they were texting and it only makes her crazy thoughts run wilder than before.

**_Later that day;_ **

**_Dinner table;_ **

When Clarke finally came back home, Lexa couldn’t help studying her mannerism that she finds oddly different than usual. She could tell something is going on and she doesn’t like it because it is keeping Clarke away from her.

 _“Comment va Octavia?”_ (How is Octavia doing?) Lexa asks Clarke interrupting her thoughts.

Clarke looks at Lexa with a bright smile that confuses Lexa more than anything and says, _“Elle va bien.”_ (She’s fine.)

 _“Est-ce que ça a à voir avec Costia?”_ (Does it have to do with Costia?) Lexa adds curious to know what kept Clarke so thoughtful and busy the whole day.

 _“Oui, elle lui manque beaucoup.”_ (She misses her a lot.)

 _"J’ai parlé à Costia hier mais elle ne m’a rien dit."_ (I talked to Costia yesterday but she didn’t tell me anything.)

 _“Je savais que c'est une mauvaise idée._ _Elle n'est même pas interésser par Octavia…du moin plus maintenant,”_ (I knew it’s a bad idea. She’s not even interested in Octavia…at least not anymore,) Clarke lets out with a sad voice before taking another bite.

 _"Je ne peux rien dire à ce sujet sauf que Costia n’est pas le genre de femmes qui couchent par ci par là,"_ (I can’t say anything about the topic except that Costia is not the kind of women who sleep here and there,) Lexa defends her friend being the one who knows her better.

 _“Il faut se dire qu’il y a un début à tout, parce qu’elle l’a fait. Et maintenant Octavia a le cœur brisé,"_ (There’s a beginning to everything because she did and now Octavia is heartbroken,) Clarke argues back.

 _“Peu importe, elles sont adultes et savaient ce qu'elles faisaient._ _Parlons d'autre chose, s'il te plait,"_ (Whatever, they’re adults and knew what they were doing. Let's talk about something else, please,) Lexa says trying to avoid arguing with Clarke about something that does not really concern them.

 _“T'as raison. Comment était ta journée au boulot?”_ (You're right. How was your day at work?)

 _“La matiné seulement. Rien d'intéressant à part deux réunions et l'après-midi je l’ai passé ici à t’attendre.”_ (The morning only. Nothing interesting except two meetings and the afternoon I spent it here waiting for you.)

 _“Je suis une terrible copine mais on peut toujours passer le reste de la soirée à faire de vilaines choses au lieu de sortir, qu’est-ce que t’en dit?"_ (I'm a terrible girlfriend but we can always spend the rest of the evening doing nasty things instead of going out, what do you think?)

 _“Tentant mais j'ai promis à Anya qu'on y sera,”_ (Tempting but I promised Anya that we'll be there,) Lexa replies. _"On pourra rentrer tôt!"_ (We can go back home early!)

 _"On sera trop bourré pour faire quoi que ce soit, Lexa."_ (We’ll be too drunk to do anything, Lexa.)

 _“Tant qu’on sera ensemble, ça me va moi,”_ (As long as we're together, I'm ok) Lexa says as Clarke starts clearing the table.

 _“On sera toujours ensemble.”_ (We’ll always be together.)

Clarke’s words act like a charm on Lexa and washes away her doubts _almost_ for the rest of the evening about the possibility of Clarke hiding something from her, something that may explain the lie.

**The Grounders;**

As planned, they meet Anya and Raven at the Grounders, something they have been trying to do for a while now but each time something comes up and they cancel. Lexa was not going to let it happen once again, even if she had hard time to resist Clarke with her flirtatious games while they were getting ready.

Clarke had in mind a romantic night with her girlfriend, her future wife as her emotions were all over the place for finally finding the ring. But when Lexa insisted she stopped her teasing and made a mental note to make the most of their night and not let Lexa hide behind the lame excuse of _‘designated driver’_ so when Raven asked who volunteers to do it, she quickly answers before anyone else.

“Not you,” Clarke says warning Lexa. “Give me that, I’ll go get you a real drink,” She adds taking Lexa’s glass and leaves to the bar.

“That leaves me,” Anya says knowing that Raven is not going to do it.

“Thanks babe,” Raven says giving Anya a chaste kiss before joining Clarke to the bar.

Lexa clears her throat making Anya tear her eyes away from Raven and look at her only to find her smirking. “What an easily distracted driver, thank God Raven will be in the car.”

“Shut up, you should see yourself with Clarke,” Anya replies.

“And you’re blushing,” Lexa teases Anya further.

“Again, you should see your face whenever Clarke is close.”

“Alright, don’t be so defensive. It’s nice to witness you two happy together, that’s all I’m saying.”

“She’s a pain in the ass but I love her,” Anya lets out with a smile.

“By the way how is the moving process going?” Lexa asks.

“On hold,” Anya lets out with a sad tone.

“Why is that?”

“I haven't told dad that I’m moving in with her yet and I don’t want him to barge into her apartment and cause a scene.”

“I see but you gotta do it soon, An. Raven has done a lot to be with you and now is your turn. Love is worth fighting for, believe me.”

“It’s easier said than done. You know him, he doesn’t let anyone the opportunity to discuss anything with him.”

“I can talk to him if you want,” Lexa suggests but before Anya replies to her, Clarke and Raven are back with their drinks.

“Don’t tell me you’re talking about work again!” Clarke says handing Lexa a drink.

“We’re not,” Lexa replies smiling at her girlfriend.

“You need to learn how to chill once in a while,” Raven adds looking between Lexa and Anya, who smiles at her and says pointing at Lexa, “Tell her not me, she’s the reason we’re here.”

Clarke looks at Lexa confused, she scoots closer to her then asks, “Why what happened?”

“Nothing,” Lexa replies giving Clarke a reassuring smile not wanting to worry her but it doesn’t work, Clarke looks at her friends and lets out, “Raven, care to explain.”

“I don’t know what she’s talking about, I thought we’re here to hang out just the four of us since we never got to do it,” Raven replies honestly, “I didn’t know there was another reason.”

Clarke looks at Anya expectedly but Lexa explains instead, “Anya thinks I need to go out a little bit because she thinks I’m worrying too much while I’m not, that’s all.”

“I agree with Anya,” Clarke says. “That’s why you’re going to finish this drink and come dance with me.”

Lexa grimaces not wanting to embarrass herself, she doesn’t like dancing especially not in night clubs to such loud music.

“A fair warning to you Clarke, your girlfriend has two left feet,” Raven comments jokingly before Lexa can say anything at all and Anya adds her touch, “I’d pay to see her dance”.

Clarke looks at them confused, she danced a few times with Lexa and she did fine so she doesn’t understand why her friends have no faith in her dancing skills.

“Ladies, put your money on the table,” Lexa says taking Clarke’s hand tugging her to the dance floor before one of them gets to say anything.

First, Lexa forces herself to dance just to prove her friends wrong but quickly she relaxes and forgets about them, focusing all her attention on Clarke and remembers that they are in the club where they had their first kiss back in the bathroom while Clarke was still with Finn.

The place also brings back to Lexa’s memory the day she felt her heart being ripped out of her chest watching Clarke dancing with Finn. She suddenly feels the urge to feel Clarke closer to her, to feel that she is with her. She stops dancing, wraps her arm around Clarke’s waist pulling her against her, and kisses her.

Clarke is thankful that Lexa was considerate enough to wrap her arm safely around her because the feeling of her warm body against hers alone made her go weak at the knees, let along add to it the passionate way she is kissing her.

When Lexa finally breaks the kiss, Clarke manages to come back to her senses wrapping her arms around Lexa’s shoulders not wanting to let go of her so soon before leaning up and kissing her again.

Clarke’s kiss is softer, less ardent but as much intense as the one Lexa just gave her. She keeps her eyes shut even after breaking the kiss. She doesn’t want to open them because she knows Lexa would pull back which means she would lose the feeling of her arm firmly keeping her against her body.

Lexa finds it endearing the way Clarke is keeping her eyes shut, she wants to shower her with kisses but refrains instead she leans closer to her ear so she can hear her over the loud music and tells her that they should go back to their friends.

Clarke hardly manages to not pout like a child for having to go back and spend more time here instead of going back home and having this passionate Lexa all for herself.

“Bravo, that was hot,” Raven lets out as soon as they come back.

“That was worth more than that,” Lexa replies gesturing at the cash Raven put under her glass.

“I didn’t ask for the bonus,” Raven replies.

“Hats off to you, Clarke. I’ve never seen Lexa dancing like that. Nor have I ever seen her so quickly lose control and kiss someone publicly,” Anya adds.

“Thanks but Lexa has always been a good dancer.”

“Not the Lexa we know,” Anya disagrees and Lexa rolls her eyes annoyed at her friend’s for not shutting up.

“I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing,” Lexa defends herself before any of her friends humiliate her by telling Clarke the anecdote.

“You were not,” Raven corrects her.

“I was nervous, it’s the same thing. I didn’t know what I was doing,” Lexa argues back and it goes on for a few minutes before Anya takes Raven to the dance floor meanwhile Clarke checked her phone and found Octavia’s texts who gave her some proposal suggestions.

Lexa looks at Clarke and feels jealous when she finds her smiling at her screen, she doesn’t understand what can be more important for Clarke than being here. She pushes her stupid jealous thoughts to the back of her mind and goes to order a round of shots.

Clarke and Octavia kept texting back and forth almost the whole evening which bothered Lexa who tried to get Clarke’s attention back with them by asking her opinion for whatever she and her two best friends were talking about but to no avail. Each time, Clarke would give her an evasive reply and focus back on her phone which eventually discourages Lexa.

It is only when they are back home that Clarke notices Lexa’s silence as after showering she finds her already in bed. She picks one of her sexiest nightgowns before joining Lexa in bed and sliding her hand under her shirt caressing her stomach.

Lexa doesn’t react feeling mad at Clarke and at herself for being jealous, she softly mumbles an excuse saying that she is tired but Clarke doesn’t believe her. It is obvious that she is mad at something and she is pushing her away like she used to and Clarke is willing to not let her get away with it this time, she promised her that she won’t do it to her ever again.

“Babe, please turn around and kiss me like you did on the dance floor,” Clarke whispers against her neck wrapping her arms completely around her this time but Lexa doesn’t move nor reply.

Clarke waits for a moment to confirm that Lexa is really not talking to her before she tries again, _“Lex, mon amour. Encore une fois, tu me repousse.”_ (Lex, love. You're pushing me again.)

 _“Clarke, je suis juste fatigué et t’es bourré. Laisse moi dormir.”_ (Clarke, I'm just tired and you're drunk. Let me sleep.)

 _“Ce serait plus convaincant si je l'entends de toi et non de ton dos."_ (It’d be more convincing if I hear it from you and not your back.)

Lexa knows that she shouldn’t act this way with Clarke. She promised her she won’t shut her down ever again, that she’ll let her know how she feels no matter how hard it can be.

But she can’t help feeling this way after what happened today and she doesn’t want to tell Clarke that she is jealous and angry at herself, neither how she is going to do it.

Again, Clarke insists softly asking her to turn around. Her begging tone makes Lexa regret her behavior. She knows Clarke loves her and she would never hide something from her or ignore her purposely so she turns around in Clarke’s arms but does not dare to meet her blue eyes.

 _“Regarde moi,”_ (Look at me,) Clarke lets out, gently caressing Lexa’s back.

When Lexa finally does, they look into each other silently for a moment. Clarke waiting for her to say whatever is bothering her while Lexa is lost in her blue eyes. It takes her a moment to answer, _“T'avais raison, on aurait dû rester à la maison."_ (You were right, we should have stayed at home.)

 _“Pourquoi?”_ (Why?) Clarke asks confused, she enjoyed the evening after all.

Things even got hotter than expected, she got to see a side of Lexa she never did when she kissed her on the dance floor and she thought she would ~~see~~ _feel_ more of it once they are back home but now Lexa is telling her that she would have preferred to stay home, it doesn’t make sense.

 _“Rien, c’est stupide.”_ (Nothing, it’s stupid.)

 _“Si ça t'embête, c'est que ce n'est pas stupide."_ (If it’s bothering you, then it’s not stupid.)

Lexa knows she is going to either embarrass herself or hear something she doesn’t want to hear. She takes a deep breath then says, _“Je suis rentré tôt à la maison parce que tu me manqué, mais je suis resté toute seule et quand enfin on a commencé à passer un bon moment, t’as pris ton téléphone et tu ne la pas lâché de la soirée."_ (I went home early because I missed you but I stayed alone. And when finally we started having a good time, you took your phone and didn’t let it go the whole evening.)

Clarke stares at Lexa for a long moment, she didn’t mean to ignore her girlfriend and make her feel like this. She realizes that indeed, she spent the whole evening on her phone texting Octavia and ruined the nice time she and Lexa were having.

 _“Je suis désolé mon amour. Je ne…tu sais tu me manque toi aussi, O n’a pas arrêté de me texté et…ce n'était pas mon intention de te négliger et gâcher notre soirée,"_ (I’m sorry, love. I don’t...you know I miss you too, O didn’t stop me texting and ... it was not my intention to neglect you and ruin our evening,) Clarke stutters guiltily then adds, _“tu me pardonne?”_ (Do you forgive me?)

Lexa smiles then pecks Clarke’s lips tenderly before whispering a confirmation. How can she stay mad at the love of her life?

 _“Merci, mais un baiser comme celui que tu m’a donné quand on était entrain de danser serai plus convainquant,"_ (Thank you, but a kiss like the one you gave me when we were dancing will be more convincing,) Clarke says making Lexa blush because she knows what she is talking about.

Of course that kiss was different, it was a more passionate and fervent one because it was sparked by too many emotions than just love alone. It was urged by a mix of jealousy, a ghost pain, passion, desire and love all at once.

Lexa tries to kiss Clarke that way again but fails, it was a spontaneous the first time and mostly triggered by her jealousy and she doesn’t want to feel that way again.

 _“Bien essayer, mais il manque quelque chose.”_ (Nice try, but there’s something missing.)

 _"Quoi?"_ (What?)

 _"Je ne sais pas, je crois que c'est la façon dont tu m’as serré contre toi,"_ (I don’t know, I think it’s the way you pressed me against you :) Clarke replies biting her lip.

Lexa smiles at her loving what she is insinuating, she kisses her again but this time her hand reaches down to her ass and squeezes it pulling her against her. Clarke moans against her lips, it is not exactly what she was talking about but the additional touch is welcomed.

When Lexa finally breaks the kiss, she looks at Clarke and asks, _“Comme ça?”_ (Like that?)

 _“Presque, embrasse moi encore pour voir.”_ (Almost, kiss me again to see.)

Lexa chuckles while teasing her with chaste kisses, pulling back each time Clarke would deepen them until her patience runs out and she tries to take control. Lexa quickly catches up and stops her from wrapping her arm around her neck to keep her from pulling back by pining her arm down on the bed then swiftly straddling her.

Clarke smiles mischievously at her, this is exactly what she has in mind. She wants Lexa to take control, to pin her down on the bed and ~~make love to her~~ _fuck her_. She wants to feel Lexa all over her, to feel Lexa’s love through her lust and not only her tenderness.

Lexa leans down and alternates between kissing, licking, nipping and biting Clarke’s neck for a moment before moving down to the swell of her generous breasts leaving her panting and whispering profanities asking her to be rougher and somehow along the way Lexa finds it in her and complies.

Clarke feels Lexa all over her body and just like she wanted, or almost. Hands roaming firmly over her sides and bottom, on her breasts rubbing against her nipples, Lexa grinding between her legs, Lexa’s mouth devouring her lips sucking her tongue, she is everywhere except where she needs her for release.

Lexa wants to push Clarke’s limits teasing her until she can’t take it anymore, a punishment for leaving her home alone and ignoring her the whole evening. She waits until Clarke is begging the magic words between moans, _“Lex…baise moi…je te veux **en** moi.”_ (Lex…Fuck me…I want you **in** me.) to grant her what she has been waiting for.

She kisses, bites and sucks her way down to her folds then slides her slender fingers deep in knocking air out of Clarke’s lung, causing a sinful cry then before she recovers Lexa sucks her clit in her mouth.

It doesn’t take long before waves of pleasure roll over Clarke’s body, Lexa makes it harder for her to breathe using her free hand to gently caress her tingly skin with her fingertips contrasting everything that she was feeling.

After recovering, Lexa lets Clarke pull her up and kiss her but when she tries to free her hard on whispering, _“Mon tour.”_ (My turn.) Lexa doesn’t let her.

She is not willing to give up the control for Clarke yet, _“Oh non, je n'en ai pas finis avec to.i"_ (Oh no, I'm not done with you) _– nor any time soon tonight – “T’es punis.”_ (You’re punished.)

 _“Tourne toi,”_ (Turn over,) Lexa lets out with a commanding voice before Clarke gets to say anything. She quickly obeys biting her lip feeling her core tingles in anticipation, Lexa is giving her better than she was expecting.It is not gentle, slow and sweet, it is rough, erotic and raw. It is not lovemaking, it is sex.

Clarke moans at the feeling of Lexa’s mouth nipping, licking and kissing the nape of her neck while feeling her perked nipples touching her back. She lifts her hips slightly to meet Lexa’s hard on but Lexa quickly pins her back on the bed, gives her a harsh slap then whispers in her ear, _“Pas si vite.”_ (Not so fast.)

 _“Lexa, stp je veux te toucher, te sentir,"_ (Lexa, please I wanna touch you, feel you,) Clarke begs looking over her shoulder meeting green eyes.

Lexa gives her a barely noticeable nod and lets her actions answer Clarke’s wishes. She trails kisses down to the swell of her ass then laps her tongue soothingly on the red mark she left when she slapped her, before grabbing her ass with both hands and spreading her buttocks. Clarke lets out a filthy moan when Lexa licks her slick folds to check if she is ready for her.

 _“Nan, t’es pas prête pour moi,"_ (Nope, you're not ready for me,) She says teasingly and Clarke knows that Lexa is doing it on purpose, she is dripping and more than ready for her.

 _“Lexa, stp!”_ (Lexa, please!) Clarke whimpers and it is all it takes for Lexa to give up teasing her girlfriend and herself as she has been achingly hard for too long now.

She lets out a loud moan herself at the feeling of Clarke’s warm and velvety walls wrapped around her, she hardly manages to keep herself from thrusting into Clarke senselessly at first giving her time to adjust. She nips at Clarke’s shoulder and neck while moving in and out of her sloppily before finding the perfect rhythm.

Being too worked up, it doesn’t take Lexa too long before she comes into Clarke hitting the deepest and most pleasurable spot triggering her second orgasm of the night.

Clarke feels safe, loved, and desired more than ever when Lexa wraps her arms around her from behind hugging her tightly against her chest. She feels the urge to propose right there in this position because she can’t think of a more ideal moment than now with their bodies intimately connected and it gets even harder to resist at the feeling of Lexa’s lips against her ear, kissing as she whispers, _“Je t’aime.”_ (I love you.)

Lexa keeps whispering love words against her skin for a moment which allows them to catch their breaths before completely moving away from Clarke to lie next to her. She feels her heart swelling in her chest when Clarke clings to her showering her with soft lazy kisses in random places.

 _“C’est ce que tu voulais?”_ (Is that what you wanted?) Lexa asks shyly almost in a whisper and Clarke hums in confirmation feeling too spent to answer properly.

**The next day;**

**Woods office building; Lexa’s office;**

Just as the previous day, Lexa is sitting in her office thoughtful but this time it is not Finn who is in her mind but Clarke. Despite the torrid night they shared, she still feels anxious about Clarke’s behavior. She doesn’t know how to bring the topic with her.

She doubts asking Clarke if she is hiding something is the right way to do it so when she finds the opportunity to share her concern with Anya, she does.

“What do you mean, she’s hiding something?” Anya asks confused.

“I don’t know what’s exactly but she’s acting weird these last few days…like she’s hiding something and she’s all the time on her phone,” Lexa explains worried.

“I did notice it yesterday but there’s nothing suspicious or weird in two best friends texting,” Anya says trying to reassure her best friend knowing that Clarke is madly in love with her and that she has nothing to fear.

“I know but she’s different.”

“What kind of different?” Anya asks.

“Like when we got home yesterday she was…she kept asking me to…you know…roughly like she was-” Lexa blurs out looking away then Anya interrupts her with a mocking tone.

“There’s nothing weird about wanting rough sex, Lexa!”

Anya’s answer seems to push Lexa’s boundaries as she is really not in the mood to deal with her jokes right now.

“What worries me is that she spent her day God knows with whom and came back horny, she tried to talk to me out of meeting you at the Grounders just to do it. I wasn’t the one who made her horny, I barely saw her a few minutes, that’s what bothers me.”

Anya’s eyes widen at her, Lexa is not simply worried she is freaking out like she never did.

“Hey, hey calm down Lexa. Maybe she’s just more comfortable with you now to show you her kinks. I don’t think Clarke is cheating, she didn’t cheat on Finn, not even with you while they clearly had no chemistry and her love for you is stronger.”

Lexa feels her heart crack when Anya mentions Clarke and uses the word _‘cheating’_ in the same phrase. She was worried but she couldn’t let her mind use that word, not even hypothetically. Just as she opens her mouth to answer, her phone rings.

“It’s Finn,” She blurts out looking back at her friend.

“Answer, we’ll finish our conversation later,” Anya replies before leaving her office.

Lexa picks up Finn’s call feeling her heart about to explode, she is too emotional after the discussion she had with Anya about Clarke and now he is telling her that he is waiting downstairs in the reception to inform her about his decision apologizing for not letting her know that he will be come today.

After hanging up, Lexa takes a deep breath to recollect herself before calling her secretary and asking her to send Mr.Collins to her office. When he comes in, she can’t help staring at him, at his face and realizes that it is the first time she is able to do it without feeling an unpleasant pang in her chest.

She pushes the thought away and gestures for him to take a seat then asks him if he wants to drink anything. Finn replies that he just took a coffee before coming and that he would rather get right into the topic instead.

Lexa stares at Finn blankly as he is talking to her. She doesn’t know if his decision to sell his shares for her is a good thing or a bad one. She doesn’t know if that is what she was hoping for or what she was dreading to happen. She never felt so confused and clueless in her life like she does now.

If she agrees to his offer, it means she will give him a free one way ticket to leave her life for good _– his life too, his friends and his family –_ and dismiss any chance of them finding forgiveness. In another way, it means she is willing to easily get rid of him so she won’t have to deal with him ever again and live her life peacefully without regret.

If she doesn’t agree, it means she is trying to keep him from leaving or she is trying to control him. It can also mean that she forgives him and she wants to keep him close to try and solve their issues _– something she doesn’t know how she feels about it –_ and last but not least, it means she is going to jeopardize the stability of her company, a lifelong hard work.

Finn waits for Lexa to say something about his offer for way too long and against all his expectations, Lexa questions him, “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes,” He simply replies then sees Lexa looking blankly at him. Just as she has been doing since he stepped in her office today, he understands that she’s not going to give him any answer or her opinion so he stands up ready to leave and says, “Take your time to think about my offer, and call me when you’ve an answer for me.”

Just as he is about to leave, Lexa reacts, “Wait, come back please.”

Finn looks back at her and sees that she is gesturing for him to sit back. He does looking at her expectedly and again it takes her a moment to find her words after all it is not an easy decision she is going to take.

“I thought you like it here? I was hoping we could work together, I really thought we were doing well,” Lexa confesses.

“That’s what I thought too.”

“Then stay,” Lexa offers and Finn tries hard to not let his surprise show on his face when she adds, “try harder, don’t give up so easily. It takes time to find your feet.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Finn lets out with a weak smile.

“It’s not only about that, I don’t feel like myself anymore. I need a fresh start, a new beginning, a new place where not everyone who knows me hates my guts for all the stupid things I did.”

Finn explains and Lexa keeps silent, she doesn’t know what to say, she partly feels guilty for what he is saying. He did not only lose her but all his close friends even Raven.

After a moment, Finn breaks the uncomfortable silence, “Plus that’s what you wanted, no?”

“No, Finn,” Lexa quickly replies, “I never wanted any of this to happen to us.”

“Neither did I, but it happened and here we are in a deadlock and the only way for me to find a normal life again is to leave.”

Lexa feels her heart aching, she looks away not understanding why it is hard for her to look at him right now after what he just said. She wants to be honest with him and tell him that she doesn’t hate him, that she is willing to find a way to forgiveness and that maybe things can get better for them but she can’t.

It might be easier for her now to talk to him than before when the wound was fresh but it doesn’t mean that she trusts him, it doesn’t mean things can get better.

“I’m sorry,” She whispers.

Tears shine in his eyes, he doesn’t know what she is apologizing for. He doesn’t know if it is a relief or not to hear an apology as he should be the one doing it and mean it in so many contexts because he feels more guilt than resentment toward her now.

In fact, Lexa herself doesn’t know what she is apologizing for, is it because she feels guilty for being the reason he lost everyone and he is willing to leave or is it because she can’t ask him to stay and promise him that they can work it out.

“I miss you, us, I even miss Gustus! I miss the old days when we were young and carefree,” Finn says regretful.

“I don’t miss him, neither these days,” Lexa blurts out and Finn feels his chest tightening at her coldness thinking that it means she doesn’t miss him at all but then Lexa adds cautiously and hesitant about her choice of words, “but I do miss my cousin.”

Finn smiles at her appreciatively then asks to change the topic, “How is Clarke?”

“She’s fine, thanks for asking,” Lexa replies awkwardly not knowing what else to say then Finn puts end to their discomfort “Alright, I think I should go and wait for your phone call.”

“Ok but if you ever change your mind, you’re welcome to come back…even if it is later,” Lexa says confidently, she doesn’t want him to think that if she is going to buy his shares it is only to get rid of him.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

“What are you going to do? Where are you going to go?” Lexa asks before Finn gets to stand and leave.

Finn looks thoughtfully at her for a moment then shrugs, “I don’t know yet but I will send you a letter once I settle somewhere.”

Lexa smiles at him for the first time since he walked in, for the first time in a while and says, “As always, I look forward to reading your letters. Otherwise, I’ll call you as soon as possible.”

Finn leaves Lexa’s office feeling much lighter than when he got in, after all it went pretty well comparing to all the conversations they have had the last few months. For the first time in a while he leaves after talking to Lexa without the negative feelings, he leaves with nothing but hope.

It takes Lexa a moment to realize what just happened and call Anya and Raven to tell them about his decision. She’s not going to take such a decision on her own. She has Clarke, she has her two best friends, and she also has Abby to help her figure it out even if she already knows that the best thing to do for her company is to buy his shares.

She can’t take the decision without consulting them because it is not just any decision business related _– if it were, she would deal with it on her own –_ it is more complicated than that because there is so much on the stake and it feels like this time the ball is in her court not Finn’s.

**********

“Well, that’s the best thing he has done for a while,” Anya says relieved.

“What about you, what do you think?” Lexa looks questioningly at Raven who is staring at her with a raised eyebrow while usually she is the first one to react.

“Are you seriously questioning it after all that happened?” Raven lets out confused, she can’t fathom why Lexa would hesitate after all it is the best thing for both of them.

“Yes, it’s not that simple.”

“What?” Raven lets out and before she says anything else Anya speaks, “Lexa, this is the best thing that can ever happen in this situation and that’s what we wanted to do in the first place.”

Lexa keeps silent for a long moment while both her best friends are trying to kick some sense in her arguing that if she doesn’t, he would sell it to anyone else or worse to Azgada who can give him a rather interesting offer that he won’t hesitate to take it.

“I know that,” Lexa lets out with a sad voice. “I just…don’t think that him leaving is a good thing, not this way.”

“What do you mean?” Anya asks with a frown.

“We all know Finn isn’t a good decision maker, especially when he’s urged by his anger. Last time it happened, he left to the Middle East where he could have been killed while he had us, we begged him to stay but he left anyway.”

“What will happen this time if he leaves with the idea that we all hate his guts?” She asks nervously.

“We? No, we don’t!” Raven denies.

“His words not mine,” Lexa points out.

“And what did you tell him when he said that?” Anya asks frankly.

“I…nothing!” Lexa replies guiltily.

“You’re really shitty with communication,” Raven comments then adds with a more serious tone, “You should have corrected him right away he’s your brother, instead of calling us in and worrying about him. We all know that you love him, that you care for him otherwise you wouldn’t hesitate to send him away.”

Lexa averts her eyes, not daring to look straight into Raven’s eyes. She knows her words are true but she cannot let him know that is why she would rather share her concern with her friends.

“Easy, Rey. Finn knows that Lexa still care. Believe me, that’s not our problem now,” Anya defends her friend knowing that she is already troubled by Clarke’s behavior.

“He doesn’t, you heard what he said,” Raven replies annoyed. “What I’m trying to say, is that she could have at least reassure him.”

“I don’t think that me reassuring him would have changed anything,” Lexa says interrupting her friends. “He leaves whenever things get tough, that’s what he does and I can’t keep him from leaving or doing something stupid on my own, that’s why I need your help.”

Both Anya and Raven look at Lexa silently for a moment, it is not a usual thing for her to simply ask her friends’ help. Raven wants to help Lexa, she would talk to Finn for her to convince him to stay or do the right thing and not fuck up his life if ever Lexa buys his shares but what she wants more is for them to learn how to communicate with one another without needing her help each time.

“We’ll talk to him,” Anya replies first before Raven adds, “I’ll do it but I’m not asking him to stay, it’s his decision and yours and that’s for you to do.”

“Thank you, I have to go,” Lexa replies knowing Raven’s intention before leaving her two best friends in her office not wanting to stay longer as she is not going to do anything useful with her state of mind.

As soon as Lexa leaves, Anya looks at Raven and says, “She didn’t need someone to scold her, she needed her friends.”

“I know but that’s just an excuse to hide her feelings and avoid to have a real talk with Finn,” Raven explains adding, “I’ve been doing the communication for them for way too long, they gotta do it on their own one day.”

“Well, today is not a good day to do it. Lexa already has a lot in her mind,” Anya replies annoyed at her girlfriend’s stubbornness.

“She always has something on her mind.”

“It’s pretty serious. She told me this morning that she thinks Clarke is cheating and I’ve nev-” Anya says but quickly Raven interrupts her, “What? How? I mean, Clarke cheating?”

“Yeah, she told me this morning,” Anya confirms.

“But just yesterday they almost fucked on the dance floor! Did she talk to her? Don’t answer. Obviously she didn’t.”

“I don’t know, we got interrupted by Finn’s call. We should invite them for dinner or something so one of us get to talk with Clarke, what do you think?”

“I’m in if you’re cooking,” Raven grins at her.

“I’ll cook and I’ll talk with Clarke tomorrow and you’re talking to Finn tonight,” Anya says back wiping Raven’s grin from her face.

“I hate you,” She deadpans walking towards the elevator and Anya replies following her, “Yeah, I love you too.”

**Later that day;**

**Lexa’s mansion; Bedroom;**

When Lexa tells Clarke about Finn’s decision, the first thing that comes to her mind is proposing. She does her best to hide her excitement but fails.

 _“C'est une bonne chose, n'est-ce pas?"_ (That’s a good thing, isn’t it?) She asks happily thinking, _‘That’s it, I can now propose to Lexa, it’s the perfect timing. Everything is coming together, I have the ring and things are going well for Lexa with Finn so there is no reason for me to wait any longer. I’ll propose and we’ll go back to our life in France where we have a home of our own, where we are going to be wives not girlfriends, where we’ll have our kids. Wait, why is she looking so sad?’_

 _“Lexa? C’est bien, n’est-ce pas?”_ (Lexa? It’s good, isn’t it?) Clarke repeats worried.

 _“Je ne sais pas, Clarke.”_ (I don’t know, Clarke.)

 _“ça l'est. Nous attendions cela depuis si longtemps, nous reviendrons à notre vie en France, notre maison est ... elle est en construction. Ça va prendre une éternité avant que nous…"_ (“It is. We’ve been waiting for this to happen for so long, we’ll go back to our life in France, our house is…it’s under construction. It’s going to take forever before we…) Clarke argues then stops taking a deep breath before resuming.

 _“Si t’achète ses actions, on…tu seras libre. Ce n'est pas ce que tu voulais?"_ (If you buy his shares we…you’ll be free, isn’t it what you wanted?)

Lexa looks at Clarke as she is talking and realizes that she really wants to leave and go back to France which can be a good thing since she will be far from whoever she might be cheating on her with.

 _“Je suis désolé de te garder ici, tu devrais y retourner et prendre soin de la maison et je te rejoindrai une fois que les choses se seront arrangées, ça ne va pas durer longtemps de toute façon."_ (I’m sorry for keeping you here, you should go back and take care of the house and I’ll join you once things settle, it’s not going to be long anyway.)

 _"Non, je ne peux pas,"_ (No, I can’,t) Clarke quickly replies then adds, _"et on s’était promis qu'on restera toujours ensemble, je ne pars pas d’ici sans toi."_ (and we promised that we’ll always be together, I’m not leaving without you.)

Lexa feels her heart warming at Clarke’s answer. She strides forward closing the distance between them, cups Clarke’s face in her hands and kisses her lovingly then pulls back keeping her forehead against Clarke’s and says, _“Ne me quitte pas. Jamais.”_ (Don’t leave me. Never.)

Clarke smiles wrapping her arms around Lexa. _“Ne sois pas bête, je ne quitterai jamais ma meilleure amie.”_ (Don’t be silly, I’ll never leave my best friend.)

Lexa can’t help kissing Clarke again but this time with much more passion then nuzzles her neck and places a soft kisses when Clarke stops her.

 _“Chérie attends! Si tu continues comme ça, tu vas m’exciter comme hier et je ne suis pas prête pour le refaire de sitôt._ _Regarde, ma peau me fait encore mal."_ (Honey, wait! If you continue like this, you’re going to turn me on and I’m not ready to do it again so soon.)

 _“Mais je n'ai rien fait, moi!_ _C'est toi qui n’arrêter pas de me le demander,"_ (But I didn’t do anything! It’s you who kept asking me,) Lexa defends herself, she would never be rough with Clarke without her consent and insistence.

 _“_ _À qui la faute?”_ (Whose fault is it?)

Lexa is taken aback by the question, she tilts her head with a frown on her face and lets out hesitantly, _“Toi, non?_ _Je croyais que c’est ce que tu voulais sinon je n’aurai jam-"_ (You, no? I thought that’s what you wanted otherwise I’d nev-)

Clarke interrupts Lexa saying, _“Oui, c'est ce que je voulais juste parce que j’avais tellement envie de toi, de la Lexa qui m’a langoureusement embrassée sur la piste de dance."_ (Yes, that's what I wanted just because I wanted you so badly, I wanted the Lexa who kissed me languorously on the dance floor.)

 _"Et c'est toi, donc c'est ta faute,"_ (And it’s you, so it’s your fault,) Clarke concludes.

 _"Puisque c’est ma faute, laisse-moi me racheter,"_ (Since it’s my fault, let me redeem myself,) Lexa replies brushing Clarke’s hair to the side softly before lapping her tongue delicately over a hickey on her neck then places a featherlike kiss on it.

Clarke smiles loving Lexa’s tenderness then says, _“Dans ce cas, il faudrait mieux que je me déshabille et je m’allonge parce que t'as causé beaucoup de dégats.”_ (In this case, it would be better if I undress and lie down because you caused a lot of damage.)

 _“Ou je peux le faire pour toi,”_ (Or I can do it for you,) Lexa suggests with a cheeky smile.

**The next day;**

**Somewhere downtown;**

Lexa can’t believe she was doubting Clarke’s fidelity and even talked about it with Anya. She was relieved to know that she is the reason Clarke got so horny that night but it didn’t explain her lie, if it was one because Lexa is not even sure about it now.

She decides see the next few days if Clarke keeps disappearing during the whole day and lies about her whereabouts once again, she will tell her but until then she can’t risk anything so when Raven and Anya showed up to her office inviting her and Clarke for dinner tonight, she refused politely saying that she would rather spent it with Clarke alone.

She reassures them that it was silly on her part to even suspect Clarke because she is not a cheater and she loves her. Clarke wouldn’t be here with her if she was the cheating type. However, she doesn’t manage to escape their invitation for lunch as they practically drags her out of her office.

As they are walking in the restaurant, Anya freezes for a few seconds not believing her eyes. Clarke is standing across the street next to a car she just got out of, with the help of a man wearing a suit.

Anya thinks that it can’t be Bellamy, Clarke’s friend because he never wears suits and it is not Finn, he doesn’t look like him at least he doesn’t have his body. This man is way taller than Finn and bigger than him and what bothers Anya the most is that Clarke is there standing with him and smiling like she is doing nothing wrong.

“I forgot my phone in the car, I’ll go get it and join you,” Anya blurts out after the initial shock to get rid of them so she can cross the street and talk with Clarke.

“Leave it, An. The only one who can call you and interrupt your lunch break is here with us,” Raven replies jokingly.

“I don’t unless it’s an emergency,” Lexa defends herself.

“Everything is an emergency for you, Lexa!” Raven comments hooking her arm back around Anya’s pulling her with them into the restaurant. Anya keeps turning back glancing across the street hoping to see who is this mysterious man with Clarke.

The only thing she gets to see is the man opening his car to get something from it before handing it to Clarke and giving her a too warm embrace for Anya’s taste then gets back in his car and leaves Clarke who walks away too.


	25. Chapter 25

**Raven’s apartment;**

The thing Raven loves the most is that she gets to come back home with Anya even if they have been doing it for weeks now, if not to her apartment to Anya’s. But what she has not experienced yet is going home and find Anya waiting for her with a home cooked meal.

Anya in the other hand loves Raven’s smiles, either the tired one she gives her after sex or the naughty one she exclusively has at work to tease her, or the one she has sometimes when she catches her staring at her or again the one she has whenever she tastes something she likes. Anya smiles unconsciously every time she sees one of her smiles.

“That’s so good,” Raven moans after taking the first bite.

“I thought you had dinner with Finn?” Anya says confused but happy that Raven is enjoying her cooking.

“I was too busy talking to eat anything.”

“And that’s a good thing, right?” Anya asks curious to know more about Raven’s dinner with Finn.

“I don’t know, maybe?” Raven answers not really sure about what happened because it is nothing Anya and Lexa are expecting.

Anya frowns, “Did he tell you where he’s going to go or what he’s going to do with his life?”

Raven stops eating and sighs, “I think we should respect and trust him for once, Anya. Whatever he has in mind is fine with me, he’s a grown ass man. He can take his own decisions.”

“I know but he doesn’t act like one.”

“See! That’s why he’s leaving. He knows whatever he’s going to do here, it will never be not enough. Whether he’s trying to do something for his future or he’s trying to redeem himself, it’s always not the right way just because he screwed up and went to the Middle East…that’s behind him, we should trust him for once.”

“So you’re ready to let him go just like that?”

“Yes. If that’s what it takes to know that he’s happy and he-”

“Being alone is not happiness, Raven.” Anya interjects.

“I know but he needs some space. He really needs it this time and we gotta respect that.” Raven argues pushing her dinner aside, “he was offended when I called him, you know why? Because each time I’ve done it lately, it was to lecture him.”

“Well, he didn’t leave us a choice. He screwed up big wanting to sell his shares to Azgada.”

“Didn’t we promise each other to not argue about this particularly?”

Anya looks at Raven for a moment then smiles guiltily, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” Raven quips smiling back at her before adding, “Thanks for dinner, it’s really nice to come home and find you here.”

“You barely tasted it,” Anya replies trying to avoid _‘the moving over’_ part because she hasn’t talked to Titus yet and she doesn’t know how he is going to take it.

“It’s enough but I’ve another appetite you can satisfy.”

“No, thanks,” Anya says taking a step back when Raven stands and gets closer to her.

“That’s insulting, how can you say no to this?” Raven gestures at her body then wraps her arms around Anya keeping her from getting away.

“What’s up with you today?”

“Nothing, I’m just not in the mood.” Anya lies having no other choice, she can’t tell her that she saw Clarke with a man when they were having lunch with Lexa. She doesn’t want to do the same mistake, quickly jumping into conclusions and accusing Clarke of something that she might not even be doing. In addition, cheating is not something that can be taken lightly.

The minute Raven goes to take a shower, Anya takes her phone and texts Clarke to see her the next morning to make things clear. She doesn’t know what else to do because she doubts that Lexa will recover from the heartbreak this time if Clarke cheats on her.

**Lexa’s mansion;**

Clarke spent the afternoon in the garden getting things ready for what she has planned then cooked dinner and sat in the living-room impatiently waiting for Lexa to come home. She doesn’t see why she should wait any longer to propose, she finally got the ring this morning and she wants to do it as Marcus told her she should know better than to wait because life is so unpredictable.

They lost too many years being apart. Now, Clarke wants to have a lifetime with Lexa and there is no better way to do it than proposing. Both Bellamy and Octavia suggested that she should do something big to make the proposal memorable but Clarke has something else in mind.

She wants to do it in the gardens of Lexa’s mansion that look the same as the ones back in France, which used to be their spot as kids. She can’t think of a better place because it will give Lexa a good memory as last time she told her that she doesn’t want their kids to be where she has spent an unhappy and lonely life. The mansion’s garden is more intimate and not just a random place that may disappear one day just like it happened to their spot as kids.

When Lexa finally gets home she finds her again on the phone so the first thing she does before kissing her is to take the phone from her and put it away on the couch then asks Clarke to kiss her.

Clarke complies generously showering Lexa’s face with kisses and asks in between, “is…it…enough? Or…do…you…want…more?”

Lexa tilts her head away from her and says, “It’s never enough.”

“I know,” Clarke chuckles agreeing. “You’re late tonight! I missed you.”

“I missed you too. I needed to catch up with work, I haven’t been efficient these last two days,” Lexa explains caressing Clarke’s hair.

“Lexa not efficient? I doubt that.”

“It does happen to me too, especially when my girlfriend is in my mind.”

“Ow, that’s cute,” Clarke replies kissing her nose and leaning to grab her phone which kept buzzing but Lexa pulls her back against her. “No, it’s my time. O has to wait until tomorrow when I’m not home.”

“Let’s go eat then,” Clarke says with a mischievous smile because Lexa doesn’t know what she has planned for her tomorrow.

“How was your day?”

“Busy but good, I had lunch with Anya and Raven,” Lexa replies helping Clarke setting the table for dinner.

“That’s nice. What about Finn, any decision yet?”

“I didn’t call him, I’ll wait a few days maybe he’ll reconsider his decision.”

Clarke smiles at Lexa, feeling sorry for not being able to help her and Finn get over what happened and move forward with their lives and find forgiveness. She knows Lexa wants him to reconsider his decision just to not push him away but what she doesn’t understand is why she keeps hiding from her feelings instead of just having a heart to heart talk with her brother. No matter how hurt Lexa can be, Clarke knows she will forgive him one day because she cares too much for him.

“Maybe we should invite him for dinner some time, and talk about it,” Clarke lets out cautiously.

Lexa freezes looking at her confused for a moment before replying. She didn’t expect such a crazy idea, it didn’t even cross her mind for a second and she doesn’t understand how nor why Clarke is suggesting it.

“He won’t come. And even if he does, I’m not sure he’ll be comfortable. None of us will be,” She dismisses the idea avoiding Clarke’s eyes.

“Why not? Think about it. We’ve done nothing to make things better, we just ignored him. It makes sense why he wants to leave so if you really want him to stay you need to let him know.”

“It’s for his own good if I want him to stay not for me and I’m leaving too, remember?” Lexa replies and Clarke would have laughed at her stubbornness if the situation was not a serious one.

“I know babe but there’s something you need to understand, you’ll only drift apart further if you stay in your comfort zone.”

Clarke’s words make sense for Lexa. She knows that she will have to do it one day if she ever wants him back in her life in one way or another. She knows deep down that she might forgive him one day but she doubts she will trust him ever again and even if she does, it’s going to be in a long run.

It will never be the same as it was Lexa knows it, and that’s what is scaring her from doing the right thing _– stepping out of her comfort zone_. She doesn’t think it is going to be worth the pain she will feel when being around Finn and not trusting him, not telling him everything or share her thoughts with him because he might get mad or jealous and just do something stupid to hurt her again or worse hurt Clarke. A part of her wants to give him a second chance but she can’t do it now, it’s too soon.

“I’m not ready,” Lexa replies in a whisper. Clarke leans and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry for insisting, I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Lexa replies looking into Clarke’s blue eyes and instantly her lips curve in a discreet smile.

“Happier,” Clarke corrects her previous statement and Lexa nods understandingly then asks, “What about you? Do you want to try?”

“I tried but each time I call or invite him; he says it’s not a good idea so I stopped trying. I know he won’t say yes to any of my invites unless you two are in better terms. It’s obvious he doesn’t want to antagonize you.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologizes feeling guilty and Clarke shakes her head. “You don’t need to apologize, Lexa. We should never apologize for loving each other, we didn’t mean to hurt him…I tried to ignore my feelings for you just to save my relationship with him but I couldn’t and I know we could have been more…I don’t know, I don’t think there was an easier or a better way for things to unfold.”

“Thank you,” Lexa says with a smile loving how Clarke always finds the right words to reassure her then adds, “I wasn’t apologizing for loving you, I was apologizing for being the reason you’re not in good terms with Finn.”

Clarke rolls her eyes answering, “Babe, you’re not the reason of anything that happened between me and Finn.”

Lexa wishes that it is true but she knows that Finn wouldn’t dare to be too friendly with Clarke just because she is with her now. When she thinks about it Finn is right to keep his distance with Clarke otherwise they will have to be around each other while they clearly are not there yet.

For the rest of their dinner, they don’t talk about the topic anymore. Clarke instead keeps the conversation light and enjoys her last evening with Lexa as girlfriends but then when she is getting ready to go to bed, she checks her phone and reads Anya’s text who asked to see her the first hour in the morning and pointed out that Lexa doesn’t need to know about it.

She quickly replies and joins Lexa in the bed but sleep doesn’t come easy to her, she spends the night wondering what it is the thing that Anya is hiding from her girlfriend and hopes that whatever it is, it won’t affect her plans.

She doesn’t have much to do, she already found the exact spot where she wants to do it. She made the place reachable and it was a real challenge for her to do it on her own as she never did gardening let along chop off something big.

**The next morning;**

Clarke keeps her eyes shut for half an hour faking her sleep. She is waiting for Lexa to leave knowing if she wakes up, Lexa will want to have breakfast with her and consequently she won’t leave to work early, which means Clarke won’t be able to finish what she has planned today since she has to give Anya some of her time.

Despite being curious to hear what she has to tell her that Lexa shouldn’t know about, Clarke texts Anya the minute Lexa leaves asking to postpone their _‘secret_ meeting’ because she doesn’t want anyone to know that she is going to propose today. She’s simply afraid that what Anya is going to tell her might urge her to delay he proposal for a few weeks, or worse months. She won’t give anyone the possibility to come between her and her engagement with Lexa, she waited too long to do it and she is determined to do it.

****

**_Anya: I won’t take too much of your time._ **

****

She looks down at her phone and sighs remembering her first impressions of Anya, she is as stubborn as Lexa.

**_Clarke: Alright, don’t be late._ **

Clarke doesn’t want to be impolite with Anya but she has no other choice if she wants things to go her way and she knows Anya will understand after knowing about the proposal.

**Woods office building;**

**Lexa’s office;**

When Lexa gets in the building she finds Anya already waiting for her by the elevator with some paperwork. In fact, she wants her to sign a few papers and inform her that she is going to take the day off and hopes that she is not going to ask questions.

“Morning!” Anya lets out and Lexa smiles at her. “Did you sleep here?”

“No, I came early because I need you to sign these for me before I leave.”

“What’s so important that makes you leave so early in the morning?” Lexa asks getting in the elevator and Anya follows her gritting her teeth, that’s exactly what she didn’t want to happen.

“Something I needed to take care of a few days ago, but anyway how are you?” She replies quickly redirecting the conversation focus on Lexa instead.

“I’m fine,” Lexa says with a smile then adds, “Actually, I’m more than just fine. Things with Clarke are getting better, I mean nothing was wrong in the first place it was just my insecurity.”

“Really?” Anya asks curious because she doubts things get better in a night while she saw Clarke with a man, a stranger just the day before.

“Yeah, it was stupid of me to doubt Clarke.”

She wants to tell Lexa that she was right to doubt but she knows she can’t say anything until she talks with Clarke and hear what she has to say about the stranger.

“So you know with whom she’s hanging out or she’s still hiding something?” Anya asks hoping that Lexa knows who the stranger is.

“No, I didn’t ask her.”

“You didn’t?”

“No, there’s no need to do it. I trust her.” Lexa replies confidently and Anya wants to punch her best friend for being so naïve.

“If you say so,” She mumbles then starts going through the documents in her hands to make sure that she did not forget anything and as soon as they get to Lexa’s office she urges her to sign the documents without giving her the time to read everything on her own saying that she already checked them.

“Alright, I’m done. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“No, I might be back this afternoon,” Anya replies rushing to the elevator without looking back at Lexa not daring to because she is hiding something from her that might break her heart and destroy her for good.

Once arrived to the mansion, Anya finds Clarke in the kitchen all dressed up with a cooking apron around her waist. _‘It is clear that she is cooking for someone that she invited which explains her wanting to postpone our meeting’_ Anya thinks. Now she is certain she won’t be back to work this afternoon like she told Lexa, she won’t leave the mansion until she knows who’s the lucky guest for whom Clarke dressed up so nice and even put her make up for.

“Do you want something? Coffee, tea?” Clarke asks trying to be polite.

“No, I came here because I gotta ask you something,” Anya replies coldly and Clarke looks at her confused thinking that she could have just texted her or called her about whatever she wants to ask her instead of coming.

“I’m all ears” Clarke lets out.

“Are you cheating on Lexa?”

On her way to the mansion, Anya tried to find the right words to ask Clarke if she is cheating but she could not find any on her state of mind and after all there is no better way than to get right into the topic.

“What?” Clarke chuckles nervously taking aback by the question.

“I said are you-” Anya is about to repeat when Clarke interrupts her, “I heard you the first time, it’s just that I….what made you think that?”

“Are you?” Anya insists wanting to hear an answer.

“No, of course not. I love her, I’d never do that,” Clarke defends herself feeling nervous. If Anya thinks she is cheating, Lexa is probably thinking it too and it is not going to end up well for her proposal.

“Then what were you doing yesterday around noon?”

“I…I was having lunch….with Bellamy. Why?” Clarke stutters not wanting to tell her that she went to pick up Lexa’s ring.

“Bellamy?” Anya raises her eyebrow looking at Clarke defiantly.

“Yeah?” Clarke lets out confused. Yes, she lied but not about with whom she was.

“I saw you getting out of the car with someone. If it was Bellamy, I would have recognized him,” Anya explains with a firm voice.

“You saw me with Bellamy and you didn’t recognize him, that’s why you think I’m cheating on Lexa?” Clarke asks in disbelief but Anya doesn’t say anything.

Seeing that she doesn’t believe her, Clarke adds confidently this time, “Anya, it was Bellamy with his service car.”

“Bellamy?” Anya asks confused and feeling stupid.

“Yeah,” Clarke confirms then asks nervously, “Does Lexa think that I’m cheating on her?”

“No…or maybe a little but not anymore,” Anya replies making Clarke even more nervous. “All I know is that she was worried and she said you’re hiding something so when I saw you, I-”

“You thought I’m cheating!” Clarke interrupts again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to question your loyalty but Lexa was worried and I couldn’t not ask you.”

“It’s ok, Anya but I don’t understand why Lexa would even think I could cheat on her…I love her.”

“She didn’t say you’re cheating,” Anya corrects her ,“She was just worried because you were acting weird and hiding something that’s her exact words.”

Clarke feels stupid all of the sudden, she thought she was doing well at hiding her surprise _– proposal –_ but she is clearly not, she’s even making Lexa think that she is being unfaithful.

“A proposal that’s what I’m hiding and I’m doing it today,” She blurts out gesturing at herself and Anya gawks at her for a moment letting her words sink in before reacting.

“Oh, that’s…congratulations.”

“We’re not there yet,” Clarke smiles at Anya feeling a little relieved but guilty at the same time for worrying Lexa. She doesn’t know how she would have reacted if the roles were reversed, she would have probably freaked out and do more than just tell her best friend about it like Lexa did with Anya.

“We both know she’ll say yes,” Anya reassures her.

“I hope so,” Clarke sighs, she can’t help thinking what if Lexa says no, it didn’t cross her mind not a second until Anya told her that Lexa was worried.

“She will,” Anya repeats with a reassuring smile then suggests, “I’m free for the day if you need some help.”

“No, thanks. I’ve everything ready except for our meal but I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, I should go then,” Anya says before leaving Clarke who gets back to her cooking feeling more nervous than she was before Anya’s arrival.

**_Three hours later;_ **

Lexa is sitting in her office dealing with some paperwork once again while almost everyone left for lunch break already when she receives Clarke’s message. She can’t help smiling like a lovesick teenager who just got a text from her crush.

**_Clarke: Lunch together?_ **

****

**_Lexa: Of course. I’ll wait patiently for you._ **

****

**_Clarke: Oh no. I’m cooking something,_ **

**_come home instead :)_ **

****

**_Lexa: It’s more than just lunch, right?_ **

****

Lexa hits the send button with a smirk on her face and waits for Clarke’s answer knowing who comes right away.

**_Clarke: Only if your boss allows you_ **

**_to take the rest of the day._ **

****

**_Lexa: I’m the boss, babe._ **

****

**_Clarke: See you later Boss ;)_ **

****

Lexa chuckles reading Clarke’s last text and goes back to her work to finish it and head home. She is thrilled at the simple fact that she will be spending some time with Clarke today instead of having a regular lunch at work.

When she finally makes it home, she goes straight to the kitchen thinking that Clarke might be there but she doesn’t find her. She keeps looking for her but to no avail, she takes her phone and calls her. Clarke tells her that she will find a note on the kitchen, Lexa goes back there and reads the note she missed earlier which says, _‘For lunch and some quality time, please come find me in the garden.’_

 _‘My girlfriend is crazy,’_ Lexa mutters with a smile. It’s too cold to enjoy lunch outdoors. Nonetheless, she goes to the garden where they had enjoyed a few picnics together. She spots their lunch but Clarke is nowhere then her phone buzzes.

**_Clarke: First, come join me in the back._ **

**_I’ve something to show you :)_ **

Lexa does as instructed hoping that she won’t make her do something that may ruin her suit. She would have changed if Clarke told her that they will be having lunch outdoors because she knows they won’t be just eating, at least that’s what Clarke insinuated through her texts. Barely a few steps in the back, she spots something new. A rope ladder hanging out of the tree, and Clarke sitting there waving at her to join her.

Lexa laughs in disbelief before rushing to her girlfriend afraid that she falls because she is not really in shape like herself.

“Come down, you promised me lunch,” Lexa says.

“Join me, Woods. Don’t be a wuss.”

“Clarke, we’re not ten anymore. Come down, please!” Lexa insists not wanting her girlfriend to fall from the tree and get injured.

“I can’t hear you, come up,” Clarke lets out stubbornly.

It is only when she is sitting next to Clarke that Lexa notices her looks, “You look…beautiful, too sexy and too dressed up for this.”

Clarke smiles at her and instead of answering, she leans closer and kisses her lips chastely. Lexa instinctively wraps her arm around her waist to keep her from falling.

“See, it’s easy.”

“Who did this?” Lexa asks because to the way the tree looks now, she could tell it is not Titus who took care of it.

“Me,” Clarke replies proudly. “Don’t you like it?”

“I….Clarke! If you told me you want this….whatever this is, I would have hired a professional to do it. You could have injured your-”

“Just enjoy the view, Woods,” Clarke interjects.

“Clarke, I’m starving and our lunch is going to be cold.”

“We’ll heat it. Just relax, doesn’t this remind you anything?”

“Of course, it does. It’s-” Lexa replies softly when Clarke interrupts her, “It was where I realized how beautiful your green eyes are, where I found out why I love to see you smile and see you happy…because I was in love but I was too young to know what it is.”

“I’ve always loved you. I will always do and I’d never cheat on you, Lexa,” Clarke adds and Lexa squeezes her eyes shut embarrassed.

“You talked to Anya, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I didn-”

“Hey, it’s fine you don’t need to apologize. I haven’t been honest either so it makes sense,” Clarke says and Lexa’s face falls, she was not expecting Clarke to confirm that she lied to her.

“Clarke, please!” Lexa lets out begging Clarke to elaborate because she is freaking out.

Clarke smiles at her nervously gathering all the strength she has left and repeats, “I love you, Lexa….I always did, not only as a best friend but more but I was too young and stupid to realize it until we got older and it hit me full force. I was the happiest when we dated.”

“At least for a few weeks then I lost you again…and I lost dad the same year which is the hardest thing I’d ever experienced in my life” Clarke feels her throat tightening at the memory.

“I’m here, I’ll never leave you,” Lexa promises caressing Clarke’s cheek to comfort her, Clarke smiles at her touch.

“Stop interrupting me. What I’m trying to say is that I always wanted more with you but I was too young then I was old enough to realize that I love you more than a best friend but I was stupid and now I don’t want to waste our time…”

While Clarke is talking, Lexa feels her heartbeat racing. Clarke’s words sounds more than just reassuring words and she can’t help freaking out internally thinking _‘Holy moly, she’s going to propose…or is it her way to reassure me that she’s not cheating?’’_

“…I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to know that you’re mine. I want you to be my wife, I want us to be more than just girlfri…”

 _‘Oh my God, she said wife,’_ Lexa thinks taking a deep breath bracing herself for what she’s going to hear next because even if she is not sure, Clarke’s blue eyes are expressive enough with the way she is looking at her.

Clarke takes the engagement ring box and opens it, “…and it’s time for me to ask you. Lexa, do you wanna marry me?”

Despite her now blurry vision, Lexa keeps looking at Clarke with a stupid smile on her face. She can’t believe Clarke is proposing to her, she can’t believe it’s actually happening. The thing she always dreamt about is happening, differently to how she imagined it but the same outcome.

It takes her a moment to snap out of her daze, she blinks her teary eyes looking down at the ring then back at Clarke who is smiling nervously at her and waiting to hear an answer.

“Lexa?” Clarke lets out softly and almost pleadingly because she can’t handle her silence.

“Yes,” Lexa replies pulling Clarke’s face to hers and kisses her then adds against her lips, “Yes, I wanna marry you.”

“Then give me your hand,” Clarke asks in a whisper, and Lexa pulls back chuckling then complies watching the love of her life putting an engagement ring on her finger.

She stares at her engagement ring for a moment while Clarke is looking lovingly at her, she wants to kiss _~~her girlfriend~~_ her fiancée so hard but she can’t risk them falling just for a kiss.

“Let’s go down so I can kiss you properly,” Clarke says and as soon as they do, she pushes Lexa against the tree and kisses her passionately. Lexa feels Clarke’s love though her kiss reaching the deepest corners of her being.

When Clarke breaks the kiss, she wipes Lexa’s tears off her cheeks and says, “That’s my promise to you, I will never leave nor cheat even when it gets hard.”

Lexa nods not knowing what to say in return and lets Clarke take her hand and walk her to their lunch. Clarke notices that Lexa is not eating and says, “Were you not starving just a few minutes ago?”

“I forgot about my hunger when you proposed,” Lexa answers with a cheeky smile.

“Eat, I don’t want my fiancée to starve just because she’s overwhelmed.”

“Say that again,” Lexa demands with a grin on her face.

“My fiancée.”

“Your fiancée,” Lexa repeats slowly articulating then adds, “I like how it sounds but not as much as when you said ‘ _I want you to be my wife’._ ”

“Me too,” Clarke agrees scooting closer to Lexa who wraps her arm around her and says, “I don’t know if I told you before but you look stunning.”

“Just like my fiancée,” Clarke replies with a smile then takes Lexa’s hand and kisses it.“It fits you perfectly.”

“It does,” Lexa agrees then looks at Clarke thoughtfully for a moment. She is wearing an engagement ring but Clarke is not which means anyone can approach her thinking that she is single and she wouldn’t want that.

“I need to get you a ring,” She says and Clarke looks back at her with her mouth full and shrugs, “Not important.”

“For me it is. I don’t want anyone approaching you thinking you’re single because you’re not,” Lexa replies seriously making Clarke chuckle.

“I can’t believe you’re jealous over something hypothetical while I just asked you to marry me.”

“It’s not hypothetical, it’s a fact. Each time we’re somewhere men try to flirt with you. A ring would stop them at least,” Lexa argues.

“Alright, if that’s what you want.”

**Later that day; Raven’s apartment;**

The awkward conversation Anya had with Clarke made her think about her own relationship with Raven. She has been tiptoeing around moving in with her not because she doesn’t want to do it but simply because she doesn’t have the guts to face her father about it and this is nothing like her. She was never a person who bends to someone’s will and comfort over her own happiness.

She doesn’t know why she is cowering, it wouldn’t be the first time for her to defy her father over something she wants. She realizes that if she keeps waiting, things between her and Raven will change and not for the best. Raven might even get tired of waiting for her and just the thought of it, terrifies her more than anything.

It terrifies her more than the thought of facing her father so instead of wasting her time further. Anya grabs the bull by the horn driving straight to her place and starts packing. She takes everything that comes into her hand without any logical order then loads her car to the maximum and drives to _~~Raven’s apartment~~_ their apartment.

By the time Raven gets home, she finds Anya collapsed on the couch and her living-room filled with boxes.

“Anya?” Raven lets out hardly managing to contain her laugh and Anya jolts sitting properly on the couch smiling embarrassingly at her girlfriend. That is not what she had in mind, she wanted to unpack her boxes and cook a nice dinner for Raven before she comes back home.

Then, wait for her to notice that she had a few of her stuff in her apartment and realize it on her own. She wanted to surprise her but it seems that she didn’t see the time pass.

“You took the day off just for this? Why didn’t you wait for the weekend and we’ll do it together?” Raven asks making her way through the boxes to join her girlfriend on the couch.

“That’s not why I...” Anya replies but stops taking a deep breath then resumes, “I just wanted to surprise you.”

“You did,” Raven smiles pulling her in for a kiss and when Anya tries to deepen it she breaks the kiss saying, “We should finish what you started.”

Anya whines feeling too tired to get back to it and suggested, “Or we can leave it for later.”

“Alright, let’s cook something for dinner then we’ll get back to it,” Raven agrees tugging her girlfriend’s hand with her to the kitchen.

“That’s not what I had in mind,” Anya pouts following her.

Once they get in the kitchen, Raven barely lets Anya touch anything knowing that she is exhausted after carrying all the boxes up to the apartment. However, when they are done eating she makes sure that Anya helps her with the boxes and half way through it she looks at her and asks, “How did Titus react?”

“What?” Anya looks at her girlfriend taken aback by her question. The question she was hoping Raven wouldn’t ask, at least not tonight.

“Titus, what did he say when you told him?” Raven reformulates her question.

“I…actually I haven’t told him yet.”

Raven hardly manages to not roll her eyes at her girlfriend’s cowardice. “I can do it with you.”

Anya seriously considers Raven’s suggestion for a brief moment then smiles at her and says, “It’s fine. I’ll do it next weekend.” She doesn’t want her father to say something that might hurt Raven’s feelings knowing how blunt and insensitive he can be when she talks to him about her relationship with Raven.

“Thanks for not agreeing,” Raven lets out chuckling, “I just suggested it to be a supportive girlfriend. I didn’t really mean it. I know Titus hates me.”

“I love you,” Anya says with a smile. She could tell her girlfriend that it is not true, that he is just an overprotective father and he never liked any of her partners anyway but she won’t as it is obviously not the truth for now. Another reason is that deep down she hopes that one day he will warm up to her when he would realize that she makes her happy.

Anya knows that it will happen one day because underneath his serious and conservative layer there is a caring and a loving father. He might not approve of their relationship but she knows that he will never do anything to hurt her.

**Lexa’s mansion; bedroom;**

“Just pick up the phone and talk to her. She’s not going to stop until you do and I don’t want you distract while in bed with me,” Lexa tells Clarke seeing that her phone won’t stop buzzing.

“I don’t know what to tell or advise her anymore,” Clarke replies putting away the extra pillows.

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“She’s worried. She doesn’t understand why Costia is not texting her back nor answering her calls,” Clarke explains then adds cautiously, “Maybe you can talk to her?”

“Costia?” Lexa asks and Clarke nods.

“And what would I tell her?” She asks again confused.

“To stop playing my best friend?” Clarke lets out half-jokingly.

“I’d rather not get involved with whatever they are,” Lexa replies as she gets in the bed.

“Why don’t you want Costia to be with someone?”

“No, it’s not that. I just think we shouldn’t interfere because we’re together, O is your best friend and Costi-”

“is your ex-girlfriend,” Clarke interjects and Lexa frowns finishing her sentence, “my friend” adding, “Are you jealous?”

Clarke keeps silent for a moment before answering, “I just don’t understand why you keep defending her.”

Lexa realizes that Clarke did not deny the fact that she is jealous, she preferred to ignore her question and just explain and it is enough of an answer for her so Lexa tugs Clarke closer to her and says, “Clarke, babe. Costia is my friend and yes she’s my ex and if I defend her it’s just because I know her the way you know Octavia and defend her.”

“I don’t care if she’s with anyone,” Lexa adds reassuringly and Clarke smiles shyly understanding that her jealousy is too obvious.

“They’re both adults and know what they’re doing and we’re not in high school. I don’t want any unnecessary drama for us,” Lexa explains.

“You’re right but O is-” Clarke tries to argue back but Lexa interrupts her with a kiss then whispers against her lips, “can we talk about something else?”

Clarke smiles against her lips and says, “We don’t have to talk at all”

**Octavia’s apartment;**

During the whole evening, Octavia has been writing and deleting texts for Costia. She can’t decide whether she should send her one last text or not. She tried to get Clarke on the phone to tell her if it’s a good idea or not but it seems that Clarke is busy with her own life which means she won’t get any help from her tonight.

 ** _ ~~I’m sorry for botherin~~_** ** _…_** ‘ _Too stupid’_ Octavia mutters erasing once again her text and types another one.

 ** _ ~~I think I’m fallin~~_** ** _…_** _‘Too desperate’_ She groans deleting it.

 ** _ ~~Now I understand why everyone~~_** ** _…_** _‘No’_ Again she deletes it.

**_Octavia: I miss you._ **

And she finally hits the send button then puts her phone away to try and get some sleep knowing that Costia won’t reply to her as she has been avoiding clearly avoiding her.

A few minutes later, her phone buzzes making her heart skip a beat. She rolls on her back to the edge of the bed and grabs her phone.

**_Costia: Sorry for not texting back earlier_ **

**_Having a crazy day. How are you?_ **

Octavia looks down at her phone and smiles even if Costia ignored everything she told her in her previous texts and just asked her _‘How are you?’_ whereas she should know how she is, her texts were pretty eloquent.

**_Octavia: Fine. Me and Chewy miss you._ **

**_Costia: Lol! He saw me only_ **

**_behind a screen._ **

**_Octavia: I’ve seen you, I’ve touched_ **

**_you, I’ve even tasted you…_ **

****

Octavia waits a few minutes but Costia doesn’t say anything so she texts her again.

**_Octavia: Sorry, didn’t mean to make_ **

**_you uncomfortable._ **

**_Costia: I’m fine. I miss you too._ **

**_Costia: I think we should stop texting._ **

**_Octavia: You mean sexting!_ **

**_Costia: ‘I miss you’ doesn’t belong to_ **

**_the sexting dictionary._ **

**_Octavia: I’m afraid it’s too late,_ **

**_I’m addicted now…_ **

**_Costia: What if I’m addicted too?_ **

Octavia stares at her phone for much longer than she would admit. Even if she is the one who has been trying to get Costia to answer her texts, she can’t do it herself.

**_Costia: Did I say something wrong?_ **

**_Octavia: No, I just wasn’t expecting this_ **

**_answer and I don’t know what_ **

**_to say…_ **

**_Costia: I’m here and I’m down with_ **

**_anything you suggest :)_ **

**_Octavia: I doubt you would._ **

**_Costia: Why?_ **

**_Octavia: Cause you don’t believe in_ **

**_long distance relationships._ **

**_Costia: People change their mind_ **

**_all the time, why not me?_ **

**_Octavia: Don’t play games with me or_ **

**_I’ll come to France._ **

**_Costia: That’s what I was hoping_ **

**_you would suggest…_ **

**_Octavia: Really?_ **

**_Costia: Yes, I think we should try._ **

**A week later; Lexa’s mansion;**

**Living-room;**

Finn might be used to the awkward meetings he has once in a while with Lexa since their argument back in France just like Lexa got used to his presence at her company despite the bad blood between them.

However, this time around Clarke is with them and she is **definitely** not used to any of this. Neither being with Finn as they did not really had the chance to sit and talk after he left her on their wedding day except the one time she met him in the company’s lobby but he quickly ended their conversation. Nor being with Lexa and him at the same time while wearing an engagement ring, which symbolizes her union with Lexa and not him.

“It’s nice having you here,” Clarke says breaking the silence and Finn smiles at her nervously, “Thank you, Clarke.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Lexa asks.

“A coffee would be nice,” He answers and Lexa leaves him and Clarke alone in the living-room something he was dreading when he saw that Clarke is going to stay with them.

After a long awkward moment of silence, Finn finally speaks what has been in his mind since he stepped in the mansion, “You look happy, both of you.”

Clarke feels her heart tightening at his words and barely manages to answer him, “We are.”

“It’s nice to see that what happened wasn’t for nothing, I’ve never seen Alex that happy.”

Clarke gulps her guilt then forces a polite smile. She doesn’t know what to tell him because she is aware that she caused Lexa’s unhappiness that he is talking about.

“Some people are meant to be together,” Finn adds softly.

“I’m sorry,” The words come out of Clarke’s mouth before she can stop them and they surprise her as much as him.

“I should be the one apologizing; I should have realized that you were not happy.”

“I loved you, Finn but-”

“Not enough to stay,” Finn interjects looking away.

“I care about you and I know Lexa does too so I hope you won’t disappear from her life just because I broke your heart,” Clarke adds quickly before Lexa comes back.

It takes Finn a moment to let her words sink in before he replies, “I tried, I tried to be back in her life but she’s pushing me and I’m at a point in my life where I need a fresh start.”

“I know, just promise me to never give up on her.”

Finn doesn’t know what to answer because he is not sure he can do it any longer, Lexa is the most stubborn person he knows and she is certainly not going to trust him ever again to let him back in her personal life fully.

“I’m not sure I can do that, it doesn’t depen-” Just as Finn starts answering her, Lexa walks in the living-room with his coffee.

“Alright, I leave you guys to your business,” Clarke says to give the siblings the space they need to talk.

“Thank you for coming and I’m sorry for taking too long to call you back. It’s never easy to take such a decision,” Lexa doesn’t waste their time getting right into the topic.

“You’ve been doing it for years…taking decisions,” Finn comments.

“Not like this one,” Lexa disagrees. “We both know this time it’s not solely a business matter, it’s more than that.”

Finn nods taking a sip from his coffee to take some time for himself because he doesn’t want to anything wrong that may aggravated their situation.

“I had hard time taking this decision, I mean agreeing to it. It wasn’t my intention to offend you, Finn,” Lexa confesses and just as she is about to add something Finn interrupts her, “Let’s not dwell about the past, Alex.”

“No, I’ve to apologize first,” Lexa lets out softly. “I’m sorry for offending you. I shouldn’t have interfered, nor asked Raven to talk to you. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s fine,” Finn replies. “Do you have the draft of the share purchase agreement ready?”

Lexa is taken aback by Finn’s question, she was not expecting it so soon. “I…no. I thought it would be better if we do it together in the office.”

“What I’m going to say now might be hard to believe but it’s the truth, Alex. I trust you and I trust everyone working with you. They ar- were my friends too and I trust them so you guys do whatever you need to do, I’ll just take the money and leave and I won’t bother any of you anymore.”

Lexa frowns at Finn’s coldness of his last statement then says, “Thank you for your trust but I’d rather you are part of it…and you’re not bothering us.”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Finn mutters squeezing his eyes close.

“It’s fine. we all say things we shouldn’t say but I mean it Finn, and I speak on behalf of everyone in the company you’re not bothering anyone.”

“Thank you,” Finn smiles at Lexa appreciating her effort and kindness.

“Can I ask you a question?” Lexa lets out warily, Finn looks at her for a moment then nods, “Of course.”

“Why are you leaving?”

Finn smiles nervously at Lexa not knowing how to word his answer then says, “I need to have a fresh start. I really do need it, Alex. All I did, it was to get a…chance to work this out,” He gestures between the two of them then continues, “but all I did was make it worse.”

“Alright, we all need space from time to time. I get it but I hope that you won’t…” Lexa pauses for a brief moment to gather her emotions before continuing, “I hope that you will choose a safe place.”

“Don’t worry, I’m done with the Middle East.”

“That’s good to know,” Lexa says with a smile.

“Anyway, invite me to your wedding if you’re going to wear a dress,” Finn quips throwing Lexa off guard.

“Oh…of course. I mean we don’t know if we’re gonna do the whole wedding ceremony yet but you’ll be invited if it happens,” Lexa reassures him then adds with a smile, “and no, I won’t wear a dress so don’t get your hopes up.”

“A man can dream," Finn replies then adds, “Do I have to ask you one question too?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool, I just want to know…do you really think that one day we’ll be ok?”

Without batting an eyelash Lexa replies, “I hope so.”

“Alright, thanks. Hope is enough for me,” Finn replies with a grateful smile before leaving.

**A month later;**

**At the airport;**

“Ready to go?”

“Yes, love,” Lexa replies happily then leans closer placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

Clarke looks at her best friend and asks one last time, “And you? Are you sure about what you’re going to do?”

Octavia nods with a cheeky smile, “Yes, I’ve never been so sure.”

“You’re crazy,” Clarke comments shaking her head.

“She’s in love,” Lexa adds knowingly and Octavia replies with a shrug, “I’m both.”

“I’ve been there, done that,” Lexa mutters to herself.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Present time; Summer 2023;  
USA;Collins’ household;**

Clarke smiles at Lexa who has been looking at her for the last fifteen minutes or so, she is not sure how long she has been staring because she is trying to be a polite guest and listen to what their hosts are chitchatting with her. Well, at least she is trying but Lexa’s curious looks make her wonder what’s on her mind.

She doesn’t know what is troubling her wife but she thinks it might have to do with the fact that they barely saw each other lately _– Lexa misses her_.

The last few days has been crazy for the Griffin-Woods household. Clarke was working nightshifts at the hospital and Lexa was trying to finalize the opening of her French subsidiary company while taking care of Masha.

In fact, she does miss her but it is not the reason why she has been staring at her. Clarke is softly rocking Finn’s son in her arms and Lexa feels like wherever she looks, there is a baby or a toddler looking back at her, smiling at her, or even stumbling into her.

She tried to ignore them to not get any ideas knowing that her wife is too taken by her crazy schedule at the hospital to think about having another baby, but Clarke is making it hard for her with Finn’s new born in her arms.

Lexa finds it endearing, she can’t help reminiscing over the old days when Clarke was pregnant.

**_October 2019; France;  
Griffin-Woods household;  
Bedroom;_ **

****

****

_Lexa rushed to her bedroom stupidly hoping that Clarke was not asleep despite the late hour. She missed her wife so much and she wanted to touch and feel what she had missed. She never hated her work like she does now and she never regretted her decisions like this time around._

_She pushes the door softly to not wake up her wife in case she was asleep even if deep down she wants to wake her up so she can touch and see her baby bump, the pictures and video calls did not ease her. On the contrary, they only made her feel excluded, deprived, lonely and even a little bit jealous as she asked Clarke to not tell anyone not even her mother. She wanted to be the first one after Clarke to feel and see their baby._

_Lexa undresses and puts her pajamas as quietly as possible then sets her alarm clock at six even if it means she will only have three hours of sleep. She might be patient enough to let Clarke sleep now but she is not that patient to wait until later in the morning._

_Fortunately for her right after she climbed into their bed, Clarke moved closer cuddling into her. She froze not knowing if Clarke is fully awake or she just felt her presence and cuddled her like she always does in her sleep._

_“I missed you,” Clarke whispers and Lexa feels her heart swelling into her chest._

_“You’re awake,” She breathes out happily, almost in relief and Clarke hums half asleep but before she can say or do anything, she felt Lexa moving under the sheets down to her belly._

_Lexa puts her hand softly on Clarke’s belly and caresses it up and down enjoying the swell of the now visible baby bump. Clarke smiles sleepily gently stroking her wife’s hair in return letting her have her moment. Despite she has been feeling her body change the last few weeks, she stood each morning – half naked – in front of her mirror caressing her baby bump in disbelief._

_She knows how Lexa feels about the pregnancy. Unlike her who got to feel its symptoms and live the experience fully, Lexa didn’t so she has been very impatient to see a baby bump and feel it moving to realize that indeed ~~a baby~~ her baby is growing inside Clarke._

_“Hey there, it’s mommy. I’m sorry for not coming sooner, I was stuck with work…I’m sorry for missing your first kicks too but I promise I’ll be here for the next ones…I’ll be here for all your firsts…” Lexa whispers to her baby bump and it pains Clarke to hear her wife’s voice so emotional._

_She feels guilty for teasing her with the pictures and phone calls but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to share her excitement with her wife so bad and as soon as she started noticing it because she knows how impatient Lexa was to see it and feel it._

_“Love, I miss you up here,” Clarke says after a moment and Lexa obliges moving back to her place and cuddling with her._

_“I missed you too, so much,” She replies tightening her arms around Clarke before tilting her head back and showering her face with sweet kisses._

_“I missed both of you.”_

_“I know, babe. Let me turn the lights on so I can see you,” Clarke says leaving the bed then turns all their bedroom’s lights on but before she lies back Lexa rushes to the edge of the bed and pulls her closer._

_Clarke smiles understandingly lifting her nightgown for Lexa to see her baby bump knowing that it was not enough for her to just feel it in the dark under the sheets._

_Lexa’s smiles reaches her eyes as soon as Clarke’s baby bump is on display, she can’t help placing her hand on it to feel it again her smile never leaving her face and the look on her face warms Clarke’s heart._

_Clarke is impatient to see Lexa’s reaction when she will feel their baby moving._

_Lexa places tender kisses on her wife’s belly for a moment then asks, “How does it feel?”_

_“How I feel or how it felt when she moved?” Clarke asks not sure what Lexa wants to know because she has been asking her how it feels since the day the two stripes appeared._

_“She?” Lexa gapes at Clarke then asks confused, “You know?”_

_“No, no. It’s too early to know but I can feel it,” Clarke replies and she could see a flash of relief crossing her wife’s face. Lexa was thinking she missed the ultrasound for the gender reveal._

_Lexa smiles up at Clarke, kisses the swell of her belly then wraps her arms around her pulling her closer. Clarke does the same threading her fingers through her wife’s hair gently caressing it when she hears her whispering, “I love you…so much.”_

_“Let’s get some sleep, we both need it,” Clarke suggests and Lexa places one last kiss on her belly before letting go of her and turning off the lights._

_It goes without saying that Lexa did not leave Clarke’s side and more specifically Clarke’s baby bump the next day until she got to feel a barely noticeable movement._

**Summer 2023;  
Collins’ household;**

“Thanks for coming, Alex,” Finn lets out almost in a whisper bringing Lexa back from her thoughts.

“I wouldn’t have missed it. Meeting my nephew was on top of my to do-list,” Lexa replies with a smile.

Finn’s smile grows bigger, things have been a lot better between them but he was not expecting her to refer to his son as her nephew. They did meet once in a while, when Lexa was with her family in the US for the holidays but nothing more.

“He seems to enjoy Clarke’s attention,” He comments looking at the direction of Lexa’s gaze.

“Yeah, she’s good with kids,” Lexa says dreamily.

“So are you, I saw how Masha clings to you.”

Lexa smiles looking at her daughter who is trying to get Clarke’s attention and says, “Only because I give in to her whims.”

“I don’t think anyone can say no to her, she’s adorable.”

“Thank you, so is he,” Lexa replies looking back at Clarke who by now has Masha at her side.

 _“Z’veux le porter, maman,”_ Masha begs Clarke and Finn’s wife asks, "What is she saying?"

“Nothing,” Clarke replies with a smile then looks at her daughter and says, _“Non, Masha. Il est trop lourd pour toi.”_ (No, Masha. He’s too heavy for you.)

 _“Mommy?”_ Masha turns looking at Lexa with a pout on her lips and Finn chuckles. “Come on’, Alex. She’s clearly asking for something.”

“Nothing, Finn. She’s just tired,” Lexa answers when Masha’s lips shake and her eyes water Finn kneels next to her and asks, “What do you want, Masha?”

Masha’s blue eyes take a quick look at Lexa then back at Finn before mumbling something incomprehensible between her lips. Lexa feels her heart tighten in her chest at her daughter’s trembling voice and translates for her, “She wants to hold the baby.”

“You want to hold Lucas?” Finn asks Masha who nods rubbing her eyes filled with tears.

“If she wants to hold her cousin, just let her,” Finn says scooping up Masha and sitting her on the couch next to Clarke before taking Lucas from her.

He sits next to Masha and carefully puts him on her lap without pulling his hands away. Masha beams at her baby cousin, gently wrapping her little arms around him.

Thanks to Finn and his wife, she gets to keep Lucas in her arms for almost half an hour despite Clarke’s attempt to warn her daughter. Each time Finn would reassure her and defend Masha so she can keep her baby cousin longer.

Meanwhile, Lexa captures the moment with a few pictures endeared by her own little baby is holding a baby and humming softly to him. She can’t help picturing Masha with her baby sister or baby brother, she knows she would be the most protective and caring sister just like she is with her stuffed animals and with Lucas right now.

“I think it’s time for us to head back home,” Clarke says bringing Lexa back from her thoughts and Masha pouts disappointed clearly not happy to leave Lucas. Lexa interferes and asks her to give him a kiss so he can sleep well and Masha obeys.

Lexa is more than grateful that Clarke took the initiative to end their visit because she doesn’t want Finn to think she is not happy to be at his place. She is, it’s just that between their flight and running after Masha around the mansion the whole day she didn’t get to rest.

As soon as they get home, Lexa gives Masha a bath and takes her to bed turning the baby monitor on before heading to her bedroom and finally collapsing on her bed exhausted.

Clarke chuckles shaking her head and says, “I told you to stop running everywhere but you didn’t listen.”

“She became unstoppable, an energy ball.”

Clarke taps on the bed next to her saying, “Come here and let me take care of you.”

“No…tired,” Lexa mutters against the sheets too exhausted to move and Clarke takes pity on her scooting closer to her instead then straddles her and starts massaging her back and placing soft kisses on her neck.

“I missed you,” Clarke whispers against Lexa’s neck making her shiver.

Lexa rolls carefully on her back as she has Clarke’s legs at her sides and when she meets her blue eyes, she lets out with a smile, “I missed you too.”

Clarke returns her smile and leans down pressing her lips against Lexa’s before pulling back and whispering, “I love that.”

Lexa brushes Clarke’s blonde hair off her face to have a better look at her then asks, “What is it?”

“This, the look you’re giving me. The same you gave me when we were at Finns’,” Clarke explains and Lexa feels her blood rushing to her cheeks knowing what Clarke is talking about. She keeps silent, she doesn’t know what to answer her wife nor how to tell her that she wants to have another baby.

“It’s sexy,” Clarke adds lowering her hips on Lexa’s, biting her lip. “Like you want me.”

Lexa moves her hands under Clarke’s nightie caressing her skin, “I don’t think it’s that.”

“Why?” Clarke raises her eyebrow.

“Cause I always wanted you, still do, and will always do,” Lexa answers moving her hands to Clarke’s back, flipping them over so she’s on top and between Clarke’s legs then leans down kissing her wife passionately.

They make out lazily for a moment before Lexa buries her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck wrapping her arm around her sleepily. Clarke chuckles lightly, this is not what she had in mind neither what she expected from the looks Lexa was giving her the whole evening.

“Alright, good night love,” She lets out before turning the lights off and sleeping with her wife in her arms.

***

Then next morning, Lexa wakes up with the feeling of Clarke’s breath against her neck and her fingertips caressing their way up to her breasts. She moans contently missing Clarke’s morning tenderness.

 _“Bonjour.”_ (Morning.)

 _“Bonjour marmotte,”_ (Morning sleepyhead,) Clarke answers nipping at her neck and Lexa whines embarrassed remembering that she slept on her wife last night.

 _“Tournes toi, j’ai envie de ma femme,"_ (Turn around, I want my wife,) Clarke adds huskily leaving sweet kisses on the back of Lexa’s neck.

When Lexa does as asked, Clarke straddles her then leans down and slides her hands under Lexa’s t-shirt revealing her toned stomach. Lexa’s head falls back on her pillow, eyes shut as she enjoys the feeling of her wife’s lips all over her.

Clarke’s morning tenderness has always been Lexa’s weakness and she hasn’t had any for months now. She misses Clarke’s touch, she misses her morning voice, her cute morning face and everything about her.

“Clarke,” Lexa breathes out as she feels her wife’s tongue venturing at the hem of her underwear.

Clarke shushes her, _“T'as été une si bonne épouse, une bonne partenaire et une allumeuse aussi alors laisse-moi te récompenser."_ (You’ve been such a good wife, a good partner, and a tease so let me reward you.)

 _“Viens dans mes bras.”_ (Come into my arms.) Lexa tugs Clarke up and throws her arms around her just to pull her down so that she is lying completely on top of her then adds innocently, _“Moi une allumeuse?”_ (Me a tease?)

Clarke nods explaining, _“Tu m'as taquiné puis tu t'es-”_ (You teased me then you-) Lexa presses her lips against hers to stop her and it works as Clarke moans against her and starts moving her hips trying to get some friction.

Lexa tries to give her more by moving her hand down between their bodies to touch her where needed but Clarke breaks the kiss then shakes her head trying to catch her breath, _“Non, je ne veux pas tes doigts.”_ (No, I don’t want your fingers.)

“Fuck,” Lexa lets out feeling aroused by the sight of Clarke’s lightly bruised lips and what came out of them. Clarke smirks straddling her again then starts grinding down on her wife making sure to let her feel how bad she wants her before connecting their lips together in another bruising kiss.

Lexa’s nails dig into Clarke’s ass helping her to grind harder against her when a light knocking startles Clarke. She detaches her lips from Lexa’s and looks at her with wide eyes, _“T’as entendu?”_ (Did you hear?)

Lexa lifts her hips trying to make Clarke move again and shakes her head. _“Non.”_ (No.) but just as Clarke is about to kiss her again, she hears it and closes her eyes whining a little disappointed at being interrupted.

 _“C'est notre bébé,”_ (It’s our baby,) She lets out and Clarke’s eyes widen.

 _“Masha?”_ She asks as if they have another baby and Lexa nods smiling. She recently taught her daughter to knock on the door and wait to avoid walking into something she shouldn’t, but she didn’t tell Clarke about it she wanted it to be a surprise.

Clarke hops off the bed pulling her nightgown down and rushes to the door, and Lexa looks down at herself where she could see a wet spot Clarke left on her underwear. She quickly pulls the sheets covering half of her body before Clarke opens the door.

 _“Ow, bonjour Masha,”_ (Ow, good morning Masha,) Clarke lets out happily as she carries her daughter to the bed showering her face with kisses.

 _“Bonjour mama,”_ Masha replies then looks at Lexa and adds, _“Bonjour mommy.”_

 _“Bonjour ma puce.”_ (Good morning sweetheart.) Lexa smiles at her daughter then Clarke asks confused, _“Depuis quand elle a appris à quitter son lit toute seule et frapper à la porte comme une grande?"_ (Since when did she learn to leave her bed on her own and knock on the door like a big one?)

 _“Une semaine,”_ (A week,) Lexa replies with a grin. Clarke slaps Lexa’s shoulder playfully then looks back at her daughter pride filling her chest she asks her, _“T'as bien dormi?”_ (Did you sleep well?)

Masha looks at her thoughtfully with furrowed brows for a moment before nodding and it tugs at Clarke’s heartstrings in the sweetest way. She wraps her arms tighter around her daughter and kisses her again then says, “I love when she mimics your facial expressions.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you didn’t notice?”

“No,” Lexa replies happy at the information then adds, “don’t be jealous, she looks like you.”

“I’m not,” Clarke says then leans placing a chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips. Feeling neglected Masha blurts out _“Et moi, mommy?”_ (And me, mommy?)

“Ow, come here,” Lexa lets out opening her arms feeling guilty for forgetting to give her little girl the morning kiss she got her used to. Once Masha is in her arms, she places a soft kiss on her nose making her giggle then tells her before kissing her nose again, “Tell mama what is this.”

Masha looks at Clarke pointing at her nose and says, “a nose kiss.”

“Bravo, my little bubba,” Clarke applauds her daughter’s English then moves to the edge of the bed to leave when Lexa holds her wrist, “Where to?”

“To make us breakfast,” Clarke says confirming Lexa’s thoughts and Masha jumps eagerly shouting, _“Pancake.”_ making her parents smile.

“No, I take care of that. She misses you! You haven’t had mornings with us for a while,” Lexa argues and again Masha interrupts in French proudly saying, _“Tu manque moma.”_ (You miss mama.)

 _“Non, Masha,"_ (No,Masha,) Lexa looks back at her daughter to correct her slowly articulating, _“Tu me manque mama._ ”(I miss you mama.)

“ _Tu me manque mama,_ ” Masha repeats.

" _Très bien, c’est elle mama._ _Répéte à mama,”_ (Very good, it’s her mama. Repeat to mama,) Lexa says pointing at Clarke.

 _“Tu me manque mama,”_ (I miss you mama,) Masha finally repeats for Clarke melting her heart. She was already feeling guilty for missing her daughter’s milestones as getting out of bed on her own and knocking on the door, and now that both Lexa and Masha miss her she feels even guiltier.

Clarke pulls her daughter into her arms and says, _“Tu me manque toi aussi.”_ (I miss you too.)

First, Lexa takes what she needs from her closet and goes to the bathroom before going to the kitchen to make breakfast, leaving Masha to enjoy her mama’s presence knowing how much she misses her. The last few days, she was cranky as she barely got to see Clarke due to her nightshifts.

Clarke revels in sharing a sweet moment with her daughter to catch up, she listens to her blabbering despite not understanding half of it. She doesn’t insist correcting her not wanting to interrupt her and knowing that it is important for Masha to tell her mother what she has missed, what Mommy said or again what Papi _– Marcus –_ got her.

Almost an hour later, Lexa finally comes back to the bedroom and tells them that breakfast is ready. Masha clings at Clarke all the way to the kitchen not wanting to let go of her yet, and once there she begs her to sit on her lap, Clarke doesn’t find it in her to deny her little girl.

She lingers savoring every minute with her wife and their baby. She realizes that she has been missing the most important thing in her life, spend time with her family. And Lexa is happy, she was eager to spend a few days here because she knew Clarke would be more available for them.

Naturally, Masha enjoys it the most having the attention of both her moms. She doesn’t stop giggling while playing with her pancakes after being full. Her first victim is Clarke, who ends up eating mashed pancakes something Lexa quickly got used to as each time she makes them for her, she force-feeds her.

 _“Donne un peu à mommy,”_ (Give some to mommy,) Clarke instructs her daughter seeing that Lexa was laughing.

 _“Non merci, ma puce,”_ (No thank you, sweetheart,) Lexa quickly says to dissuade her daughter but Masha is determined, she leans reaching for her and Lexa has no other choice than to close the distance.

“It’s crazy how fast she’s growing up.”

Lexa nods agreeing with her, she admits, “It’s scary, amazing but scary at the same time.”

Clarke keeps silent for a moment. For her it is scarier, she feels she is missing a lot and her daughter is growing up too fast for her to enjoy it fully. She stares at Masha who is still feeding Lexa mashed pancakes with her tiny hand and tiny fingers and her heart swells in her chest at the sound of their giggles.

Lexa is not simply taking the pancake’s crumbs from Masha’s hand but she is playfully nipping at her tiny fingers _aka her kryptonite_ and Clarke can’t help remembering the moment Lexa first fell in love with them.

**_Spring 2020; France;  
Birth clinic;_ **

****

****

_With tears blurring her vision, Lexa is trying to look at the miracle in Clarke’s hands that the midwife just pulled out of her. Clarke is chuckling or crying or both at the same time, one cannot say as she gets the first skin to skin contact. She is exhausted but relieved and overwhelmed with happiness to finally meet her baby._

_After blinking her tears away, Lexa wants to reach and touch her baby to experience the first skin to skin contact as well but she is interrupted by the midwife asking her if she would like to cut the umbilical cord._

_Lexa looks down at Clarke and their baby then back at the woman and nods vigorously taking a step further. She takes the umbilical scissors with shaky hands but freezes just as she is about to do it, nervous and hesitant._

_They have talked about everything concerning the pregnancy and the delivery but not about this part or maybe they did and she doesn’t remember now being too overwhelmed._

_She really wants to do it but hesitates, afraid to be the one literally separating their baby from her mom thinking, ‘What if I do it and my baby is going to not love me because of it?’ It’s stupid she knows but she can’t help it, the idea toys with her emotions for a few seconds. She looks at her wife and their baby nervously when Clarke gives her an encouraging nod and it wipes all of her insecurities and doubt away helping her to cut it._

_Just as she gives one of the midwives the umbilical scissors back, Clarke takes her hand and place it carefully on top of their baby while keeping hers on top. Her lips unconsciously curve in a smile and her eyes blur with happy tears at Lexa’s reaction._

_The midwife in charge looks at her colleague and silently asks her to give them an additional minute before taking the baby to check her over. Lexa leans down resting her forehead against Clarke’s smiling happily._

_“C’est notre bébé,” (It’s our baby,) Clarke whispers and Lexa breathes out a soft chuckle before pressing her lips against hers in a chaste but tender kiss._

_“Ça va?” (You okay?) Lexa asks worried and Clarke breathes out a confirmation then Lexa pecks her lips again._

_Clarke looks at the midwife and allows her to take their baby but after a moment she asks worried as she couldn’t see what is going on with Lexa standing right next to her shoulder, “Elle est comment? En bonne santé? Lexa?” (How is she? Healthy? Lexa?)_

_Lexa doesn’t hear her, she is too focused with her baby and the midwife checking her over. She can’t help cringing at the way the nurse is handling their daughter, she thinks about stopping her but her legs and all her body are not responding. She is still in awe at what just happened and what she just witnessed._

_It is only when Clarke squeezes her arm to get her attention asking again about their baby that she replies absentmindedly, “Elle l’examine.” (She’s examining her.) her eyes never leaving them she moves to the side so Clarke can see what’s happening then looks at her and asks, “Tu ne trouves pas qu'elle est un peu dure avec elle?” (Don’t you think she’s a bit harsh with her?)_

_Clarke smiles tiredly at her wife’s question first then looks at them for a moment and she can’t help agreeing despite knowing that the midwife is only doing her job. It is difficult to not feel that way when hearing the soft cries of her baby and watching her fragile body being firmly handled during her first examination._

_After a few minutes that seemed like hours for Lexa, the midwife finally brings their baby back to them wrapped in a blanket and a knitted hat. Clarke opens her arms eager to have her baby in her arms._

_Lexa doesn’t get the chance to welcome her baby properly and have it in her arms until Clarke is done breastfeeding her. She_ _leans down and carefully takes her baby girl from Clarke and holds her into hers arms for the first time._

_"Hey beautiful," She lets out with a trembling voice looking at her baby girl lovingly. "Bienvenue, je suis ta maman,” (Welcome, I’m your mom,) She adds letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding as happy tears once again blur her vision._

_"She is..." Lexa doesn’t know how to express what she is feeling and Clarke nods understanding what her wife wants to say._

_Lexa feels her heart melting watching her baby girl making soft noises, alive and finally in her arms. She lifts her up closer to her and places a soft kiss on her head then with her fingers she softly caresses her face and looks at Clarke amazed, “She’s so soft…so cute!”_

_Lexa looks back at her daughter and finds her tiny arm stretched and her tiny hand open, she puts her index finger on it to caress it but instead her baby girl closes her tiny fingers around it. Her eyes widen in surprise, she feels like her daughter just held her heart in her tiny hand and not only her finger. She feels like her baby girl took her heart in a blink of an eye._

_"She loves me," She lets out making Clarke chuckle blissfully despite being exhausted and worn out from the delivery._

_"Of course she does, you're her mom," Clarke replies knowing how Lexa is feeling now about being a mom._

_"No, look. She’s holding to me so tightly," She explains thrilled moving her baby girl’s tiny hand to her lips and kisses it while Clarke is smiling fondly at her. She was about to tell her that it is only the palmar reflex but chose not to._

_"How is it possible to love someone so much just after meeting them for the first time?" Lexa asks seriously looking down at her wife again but this time a little bit confused._

_"It's not the first time, Lexa. She knows who you are, you’ve been talking to her for months, haven’t you?”_

_“Yeah but it’s…different now. It feels like…” Lexa stutters then looks back at her baby and adds, “I love her and I love her tiny hands even more.”_

_“I love you more than anyone,” Lexa whispers to her daughter and Clarke feigns being hurt asking, “What about me? I thought I’m the love of your life.”_

_“Yes, you are but she’s…you and something more. She’s us, our beautiful miracle,” Lexa clarifies and Clarke feels her heart swelling in her chest._

_“Kiss me, you dork,” She demands and Lexa happily complies._

_The first few nights back at home after Masha’s birth, Lexa did not close her eyes for a minute afraid that her daughter gets cold or hungry so she kept checking her the whole night, and even in her sleep she would stick her finger under Masha’s nose to feel the air coming out being afraid that she stops breathing._

_It is only on the fourth day that Clarke notices it and manages to convince her with the help of Abby that their baby is healthy and strong, and that she must sleep because her daughter needs her fully awake in the morning to take care of her. Lexa consented but on one condition which was to keep Masha close to her at night so she can have her tiny hand wrapped around her finger._

****

**Summer 2023;  
Griffin-Woods’ mansion;**

After the lazy morning and breakfast, Clarke asked Lexa to cancel her plans for the day and spend some quality family time together instead. She misses her wife and her daughter and she’d rather enjoy her holidays with them. Lexa agreed and texted Anya that she won’t make it to the company telling her that she is going to take two or three days alone with her girls before showing up at work.

When Lexa joins Clarke and Masha in the garden after her shower, she finds out that Titus had apparently installed a mini playground for Masha, who is more than delighted by it.

“I can’t believe she’s already three,” Clarke lets out her eyes never leaving her daughter.

Lexa wraps her arm around Clarke’s shoulders pulling her closer then kisses her cheek. “I still can’t believe I married you.”

Clarke smiles tilting her head then kisses wife’s lips before their daughter interrupts, “Mama, mama, mama…”She keeps calling until Clarke looks back at her and says, _“Je viens ma puce.”_ (Coming sweetheart.)

“You better believe it, we have a baby,” Clarke says pecking Lexa’s lips once again before rushing to her daughter. Lexa smiles lovingly then asks, _“Je peux jouer avec vous?”_ (Can I play with you?)

Masha looks at her mommy with wide eyes, a little surprised at her question and answers, _“Oui, et Lucas?”_ (Yes, and Lucas?)

 _“Lucas est encore un bébé, il ne peux pas jouer avec nous,"_ (Lucas is still a baby, he can’t play with us,) Lexa says but Masha doesn’t give up adding with a pout, _“Z’veux le voir.”_ (I wanna see him.)

 _“Un autre jour ma puce,”_ (Another day sweetheart,) Lexa promises her daughter even if she didn’t plan to visit Finn again. Clarke smiles at her wife sympathetically knowing too well that it is not just a vain promise, Lexa would do anything for their daughter and for her just to make them happy even if it means that she will put her own comfort and well-being to the side.

She feels the urge to lean and kiss her to thank her for being the best wife one ever wishes to have, and for being the best mother a child would want. Eventually, she leans and places a chaste kiss on her lips. It’s not enough to sate her urge as she misses her and she is craving to touch her but they are not alone and her daughter misses her mama, she misses them.

Whenever Masha says or makes a grimace Clarke didn’t know she can do, guilt tugs at her heart but fortunately a sweet feeling overwhelms it right away allowing Clarke to enjoy every smile, every laugh and every sound her little girl makes.

Lexa doesn’t stay long, she leaves them to cook something healthy at least for her daughter as she knows the previous day Clarke promised her that they will have pizza today and she doesn’t really approve with letting her three years old daughter have only pizza for lunch.

Of course, Masha pursed her lips to get her mommy’s sympathy but Lexa didn’t fall for it for once unlike Clarke who didn’t and managed to convince her to allow Masha what she wants.

When they were done with their greasy pizza, they settled in the living room and put a Disney movie on. Barely ten minutes after it started, Masha fell asleep and now is lightly snoring against Lexa’s side who is gently caressing her blonde curls.

Clarke takes her daughter to bed before going back to the living room where she finds Lexa sprawled out on the couch. She does the first thing that comes to her mind and straddles her.

Lexa smiles tenderly at her, “She’s going to have a long nap.”

“Fingers crossed cause I’ve something planned too,” Clarke replies before leaning down and claiming Lexa’s plump lips in a searing kiss taking her breath away. When she pulls back, Lexa reaches for the remote controller and turns off the tv so they can hear if someone is coming and suggests, “Why don’t you finish what you started this morning?”

“That’s exactly what I’ve in mind,” Clarke answers with a smirk grinding her hips down on Lexa who bites her lip and pulls her back in a kiss.

Clarke presses her lips hungrily against Lexa’s grinding down wanting to feel more of her wife and ease both their need but Lexa puts her hands on her hips and halts her whispering against her lips, “Not so fast.”

Lexa wants to take her time even if it is neither the place nor the good time. She misses her wife, she misses _her_ Clarke. She misses having Clarke all for herself, to share some intimacy with her just like they used to do before things became too crazy in their lives the last few months. She misses expressing her love and see hers in Clarke’s blue eyes. Lexa wants to make love to _her_ _Clarke_.

“I wanna be on top,” Lexa confesses then flips their position laying Clarke on her back and settling between her legs before reconnecting their lips slowly letting her weight on top of her.

Clarke bites back a moan at the feeling of Lexa’s toned stomach and her weight pressing against her while she is nipping at her neck and kneading her breast. She bucks her hips trying to have more friction but Lexa’s clothes are on the way. Her sundress is bothering her too even if its fabric is very light.

 _“Lexa, déshabille-toi,”_ (Lexa, undress,) She begs and Lexa complies sitting on her knees and takes off her t-shirt. Just as she is about to unclasp her bra, Clarke sits and wraps her arm around her waist and kisses her now naked stomach then reaches for her bra and unclasps it herself before closing her lips around Lexa’s nipple.

Lexa brushes Clarke’s hair off her face so she can look at her even if all she wants to do is close her eyes and enjoy the feeling of her lips and tongue on her breasts. She wants to see her wife’s pink lips loving her the way they usually do. Clarke lets her free hand roam down to her shorts and rubs her. Lexa grabs her chin, tilts it up and kisses her lips languorously. But then their lips part and Lexa feels dizzy at the sight of Clarke’s bruised lips and the feeling of her hand slowly but firmly rubbing her, it takes her a moment to realize that Clarke is asking her to unzip her dress.

Clarke gets off the couch and turns her back to Lexa who stands up and places a few kisses on her shoulder before unzipping her dress. She glides her hands under the now opened dress and cups Clarke’s generous breasts pressing her against her body.

Clarke’s head falls back on Lexa’s shoulder appreciating the feeling of their bodies molding together before Lexa starts undressing her leaving open-mouthed kisses on her back. Lexa hooks her slender fingers at the hem of Clarke’s panties and tugs them down kneeling to have better access then gently nips the skin of Clarke’s buttocks making her wetter.

Clarke turns and pulls Lexa up for a kiss wrapping her arms around her shoulders bringing their bodies closer and Lexa reaches for the back of her thighs and hoists her up. At the feeling of her wife’s wetness on her abs, Lexa moans feeling her cock twitch in her boxers jealously. She breaks the kiss and looks over Clarke’s shoulder to walk them safely to their bedroom.

Clarke makes the task harder moving her hips trying to rub herself against her wife’s stomach while nipping at her neck. Lexa begs to stop not trusting herself to _not_ stop and take Clarke there and then against the wall of the hallway, and of course Clarke doesn’t listen. She is too aroused and the feeling of Lexa’s hot skin against hers is overwhelming her senses so all Lexa can do is to walk faster.

Once in the bedroom, she puts Clarke down on the bed and trails bruising kisses from her neck down to her breasts before taking off her boxers to give her wife what she needs. Clarke’s breath hitches against Lexa’s mouth as she feels her slowly rubbing against her folds, she moves her hand between their bodies and takes Lexa’s cock in her hand and Lexa can’t help thrusting in it.

She tilts her head back slightly just to meet blue eyes when Clarke raises her eyebrows and lets out with a smirk, “I got you.” Lexa puffs a laugh and takes Clarke’s hand pinning it above her head before positioning herself at her entrance then pushes in slowly.

Her eyes flutter shut for a second to enjoy the agonizingly delicious feeling of her cock engulfed in Clarke’s wet and warm walls sucking her in. She pauses giving her the time to adjust but it seems that Clarke is ready and craving to feel more of her. “Lexa,” She lets out panting and hooks her leg around Lexa’s waist then lifts her hips so she can have more of Lexa into her aching core.

Lexa sinks deeper into Clarke laying her body on hers, their breasts squashed together and her brown curls fall on Clarke’s face tickling her. Clarke brushes them to the side then cups Lexa’s cheek and kisses her parted lips before slipping her tongue into her mouth and massaging their tongues together. Lexa sets a lazy but steady pace wanting the intimacy of the moment to last as long as possible, missing the feeling of Clarke’s velvety walls wrapped around her, enjoying the breathy sounds that escape Clarke’s throat whenever she slides in and hits her deepest spot.

With their forehead pressed together breathing each other’s air, Lexa alternates between whispering sweet words against Clarke’s lips and kissing her neck. Clarke holds her tenderly, arms around her caressing her back and both legs wrapped around her helping her to thrust deeper each time. Feeling close to climax fire coiling tightly in her core, Clarke begs her wife to fuck her, _‘faster and harder’._

Clarke’s words work like a magic spell as Lexa thrusts fast and deep into her. She doesn’t feel Clarke’s nails raking across her back nor Clarke’s teeth closing at her shoulder as she cums. All she feels is Clarke’s walls clenching around her over and over again causing her to climax along with her. She cums but keeps thrusting in and out of her wife dragging their orgasms until her limbs give up on her and she collapses on Clarke panting love words.

Clarke showers Lexa with loving kisses, first she places a soft kiss on the crook of Lexa’s neck making her shudder then a sweet one on her cheek before pecking her sweaty forehead and finally brushes her lips against Lexa’s, _“Je t’aime.”_ (I love you.) Lexa nuzzles the crook of her neck and hums contently as a response.

They stay in bed for a moment, catching their breath into each other’s arms. Lexa relaxes loving the way her hand raises up then falls down with Clarke’s breathing and Clarke relishes in the feeling of Lexa’s breath against her neck and the warmth of her sweaty skin against hers.

After a moment, Lexa rolls over to leave the bed but Clarke tightens her arms possessively around her pulling her back on the bed. _“Reste,”_ (Stay,) She purrs against her back placing soft kisses making it hard for Lexa to resist and so she falls back into her arms.

Clarke spoons Lexa pressing her still sweaty front against her back and lets her fingertips sway over her naked skin. Lexa shivers feeling hazy, she tilts her head back and husks, _“Embrasse moi.”_ (Kiss me.) It comes out like a prayer that only Clarke can answer being the only one who can dismantle her.

Clarke kisses her deep and slow sliding her arm around Lexa’s shoulder and reaches for her breasts massaging it while with her other hand she takes Lexa’s cock in her hand and strokes it softly. She is the only woman who makes Lexa feel safe when she is weak, the only one with whom Lexa loves to let down her walls.

Clarke is the only woman who can make love to her and make her feel like she felt the first time they made love.

She is the only one who knows Lexa’s kinks, she kisses the back of her neck then trails her tongue up to her ear and whispers, _“J'adore quand tu bande dans ma main…ca ma trop manqué...tu m’as manqué."_ (I love when you get hard in my hand...I missed it too much...I missed you.)

Lexa shudders at her words, her hips flutter and her thrusting becomes sloppier. The feeling of Clarke’s tongue and hot breath against her neck along with the warmth of her breasts pressed against her back are making it impossible for her to not lose herself into Clarke’s arms.

When in Clarke’s arms Lexa feels safe, loved, desired, pampered and _special_ all at once.

Just by looking into her green eyes or at her body language, Clarke knows what Lexa wants and how she wants it.

She knows Lexa misses her as she did her best to keep her eyes open when she made love to her a few minutes ago. She understood what each kiss Lexa gave her meant, she understood the unsaid words her teeth nipped at her skin and she felt the passion in her thrusts.

 _“Je t’aime, Lexa,”_ (I love you, Lexa,) Clarke breathes out against the back of her neck squeezing firmly at her breasts, a smile tug at the corner of her panting mouth. She keeps thrusting her cock in Clarke’s hands for a moment before asking, _“Je veux te voir.”_ (I wanna see you.)

Clarke complies slowly pulling away from her then Lexa lies on her back looking up at her wife. She leans down and kisses her luscious lips then takes her time devouring her body, loving every part of her. Swirling her tongue around her nipple, nipping it then letting it go with a pop before paying the same attention to the other. Licking every inch of her sweat salty skin and nipping at it while her hand never leaves her cock, slowly stroking her.

Then, Lexa shudders feeling the vibrations of Clarke’s deep and low moan when she tastes their combined release from her cock. She can’t help fisting blonde hair and jerking her hips up in Clarke's mouth feeling heat pooling low in her abdomen.

Shortly after, Lexa grows restless needing more than her wife’s mouth. She sits and lightly tugs at Clarke’s hair pulling her up in a sloppy kiss before pleading, “Ride me.”

Clarke smashes her lips against her wife’s dirty mouth and Lexa takes the opportunity and shoves her hand between her thighs and gasps against her lips when she finds her dripping wet. Clarke smirks then pulls away so she can straddle Lexa properly.

She positions herself before lowering her hips slowly but as soon as Lexa feels the head of her cock inside her, she digs her fingers at her ass and slams her down onto her. Clarke throws her head back at the sensation and Lexa wraps her arm around her waist tightly taking Clarke’s breast sucking at her nipple then places wet kisses up to her neck and lets out, “Fuck, you feel so good.”

Clarke grabs her shoulders for support and rides her. Lexa’s eyes light up with passion, her heart swells in her chest at the sight of her beautiful wife on top of her. After a moment, Clarke feels her thighs muscles burning, her pace becomes sloppier and too fast for Lexa to last longer as she was already feeling on the verge of cumming. Lexa reaches between them and starts playing with her clit so they can cum together.

Clarke moans rolling her hips down. _“T'arrête pas,”_ (Don’t stop,) She begs and Lexa asks, _“Dis moi quand t’es prête à jouir.”_ (Tell me when you’re ready to cum.) Clarke nods panting against her shoulder. Lexa tries to hold longer and keep herself from cumming but fails releasing deep inside Clarke’s walls. At the feeling of Lexa’s warm cum filling her up, Clarke reaches the peak of her orgasm throwing her head back enjoying the pleasure coursing through her body. Lexa thrusts up holding her closer sucking onto her skin leaving love marks.

 _“Je vais avoir…du mal…à marcher,"_ (I’m going….to have a hard time…to walk,) Clarke breathes out chuckling. It is not what she had in mind when she asked Lexa to stay, she only wanted to make her feel good, she didn’t think she would be the one cumming so hard.

 _“Je suis là...je te porterai où tu voudra,”_ (I'm here…I’ll carry you wherever you wan,t) Lexa replies seriously and Clarke feels her heart tingling with happiness. She doesn’t understand how was she able to make it for weeks without being really intimate with Lexa.

“We should go shower,” Clarke lets out lazily caressing Lexa’s skin.

“That’s exactly what I was going to do before you tugged me back in bed.”

“Or we can take a nap instead,” Clarke suggests.

“No, let’s go shower first and change the sheets, then we can nap,” Lexa says getting off the bed and waiting for Clarke to join her who whines then rolls to Lexa’s side of the bed and just as she sits Lexa leans down and carries her bridal style.

“Wait, wait,” Clarke halts her gesturing at the baby phone, “Masha might wake up.”

“She won’t,” Lexa replies knowingly but Clarke insists whispering against her neck, “Please.” Lexa rolls her eyes going back, she lowers Clarke so that she can grab it before finally taking them to the bathroom.

Unexpectedly, Clarke is the one who helps Lexa to shower making sure to gently kiss every scratch and bruises she left on her skin. Lexa hums blissfully at the affectionate gestures Clarke gives her, it makes up for the teasing and the morning tenderness she missed earlier when Masha interrupted them.

“Let me shower now,” Clarke says feeling Lexa’s fingertips lightly stroking her ribs moving to her belly.

“I can help,” Lexa suggests kissing Clarke’s chest.

“No, you’re going to distract me…I’d rather finish and nap,” Clarke answers cupping Lexa’s face pulling her up so she can focus on her. “Get out, change the sheets. I’m coming.”

“I can help you cuming too,” Lexa grins making Clarke chuckle, “You’re the worst.”

“But you love me.”

“But I love you,” Clarke repeats kissing Lexa again before she leaves the shower.  
  


**********

After dinner, Lexa helps Clarke clearing the table while Masha is playing under the dinner table. Lexa hears her daughter calling her favorite toy Lucas and her heart melts as she too wants to have a baby Lucas of their own.

She leans against the table and forgets herself staring dreamily at Clarke just the way she was when they were at Finns. She thinks about telling her, she feels _the need_ to tell her because she promised her she will always tell her how she feels and share everything with her.

Clarke doesn’t notice Lexa dreamily staring at her and it is only when she finishes and goes to grab her pills that she notices it.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asks a little worried at not understanding her wife’s silence. Lexa is brought back from her thoughts by the feeling of Clarke’s arms wrapping around her shoulders, a ghost of a smile flickers across her face.

The way Clarke is looking at her lovingly with a flash of worry on her face makes her feel loved. She doesn’t fathom why she has been dreading to share her thoughts and wishes with Clarke _– the love of her life_.

She knows Clarke loves her, she knows Clarke has always wanted kids with her and she knows they talked about having a big family so there is no logic in not talking about it again and telling her that she wants to have another baby with her the soonest possible.

All of the sudden, she feels silly at thinking that a baby would disturb Clarke’s career. She has her, she won’t be alone raising a baby so there is no reason Clarke would say no.

Lexa reaches for the tablet of pills in Clarke’s hand and takes it away shyly whispering against her lips, _“Je veux que t'arrêtes de les prendre.”_ (I want you to stop taking them.)

At first, Clarke doesn’t get it. She pecks Lexa’s lips and asks with a smile, _“Quoi?”_ (What?) Then understanding washes over her face and she stutters, _“Tu veux…qu’on?”_ (You want us…to?)

 _“Un autre bébé, oui,”_ (Another baby, yes,) Lexa interrupts happily.

 _"T’es sur?"_ (Are you sure?) Clarke asks surprised and Lexa nods vigorously eyes shining with hope. Clarke frowns feeling her heart ache because she knows she is about to pop Lexa’s happy bubble.

 _“Je ne crois pas que c'est une bonne idée,”_ (I don’t think it’s a good idea,) She lets out shaking her head not daring to look into Lexa’s eyes doubting she could handle to see the hurt and disappointment in them whilst knowing that she is the main reason.

Lexa takes a deep breath then gives Clarke her pills and steps to the side away from her. They fall into silence filled with unsaid words, Clarke gazes at Lexa whose brows are furrowed and eyes are glued to the ground.

 _“Lexa, je…s'il te plait regarde-moi,”_ (Lexa, I…please look at me,) Clarke says softly afraid that Lexa shuts her down.

It takes Lexa a moment to comply; she gulps her pain and forces a tight smile looking up at her.

 _“Je ne veux pas manquer à mon enfant...je ne veux plus manquer des trucs important. Je ne peux pas...et Masha est encore trop jeune."_ (I don’t want my child to miss me...I don’t want to miss important things anymore. I can’t...and Masha is still too young.)

 _“Mais elle n’a que-”_ (But she’s only-) Lexa tries to argue back but Clarke cuts in again shaking her head, _“Je ne peux pas lui faire ça, je suis désolé.”_ (I can’t do this to her, I’m sorry.)

 _“Il ne s'agit pas seulement de Masha, il y a nos carriers en jeux aussi,”_ (It’s not only about Masha, there’s our careers on the stake too,) Clarke arguments poorly and Lexa nods not even hearing what she is saying to her.

She stopped listening when Clarke interrupted her saying that she is sorry realizing that indeed she is not interested in having another baby and it was enough for Lexa, her mind shut off. She doesn’t even give her the time to add anything else when she mutters, _“T'as raison, oublie ce que j’ai dit.”_ (You’re right, forget what I said.)

Clarke sighs feeling helpless looking at her wife walking away from her, she feels conflicted because she hates disappointing Lexa and hates to see her sad but she cannot agree to what she just asked of her.

How could she? She is barely present for Masha, she already misses a lot of her daughter’s milestones just because she is too busy at the hospital. She doesn’t want to be the kind of parent who neglects her kids because of her career and yet she is feeling like one, she feels guilty and she cannot add to it.

**********

**_A few days later;  
The Griffin-Woods household; _ **

Lexa has been busying herself at work for almost a week now, she has been spending her days in the office trying to go through everything that needs to be done as quickly as possible so she can proceed with choosing an assistant from the candidates Anya suggested and all of that before going back home to France.

She was doing her best to hide her sadness thinking that busying herself enough with work would grant her an escape, a way to avoid being around Clarke the whole day knowing that she would see right through her. She didn’t want to make her feel guilty for not wanting another baby, she didn’t want to talk about it again and ruin their holidays.

She thought if she spends the whole day in the office then comes back home late and exhausted, Clarke won’t notice the change in her mood. But Clarke does and feels trapped and even guiltier than before as it was obvious that Lexa was avoiding her.

Clarke is sitting on the couch sketching with Masha next to her trying to imitate her but more like scrawling the paper when she hears a car parking outside. Her eyes widen seeing that it is Anya and Raven who just parked outside and Costia with them, at least she is going to have some company since Octavia couldn’t free her schedule to spend the day with her.

“We weren’t invited but we couldn’t wait any longer to see you guys,” Anya explains their unannounced arrival after greeting Clarke and Masha, “We brought a surprise guest with us.”

“You’re always welcome here, Cos,” Clarke lets out with a smile pulling her in a friendly hug.

“Thank you,” Costia whispers feeling a little uncomfortable.

“And we brought dinner too,” Raven says coming back from the kitchen where she went first before taking a bag from Anya’s hands and crouches next to Masha adding with a baby voice, “These crazy toys are for you.”

“I’m happy to see you, at least we get some company,” Clarke replies to Anya before Masha looks at her shyly asking permission, _“Mama?”_

Clarke smiles at her daughter and nods giving her permission to take the toys Raven just offered her.

“What? Doesn’t she recognize me?” Raven asks and Clarke chuckles. “I don’t know. Ask her, she can understand.”

Raven looks back at Masha and asks, “Do you know who I am?” Masha blushes keeping silent and looking a little confused at the new faces.

“How can she not remember me?” Raven asks again then puts her hand on her chest dramatically adding, “I love someone who doesn’t even know that I exist.”

Anya rolls her eyes at her girlfriend’s dorkiness. “She’s three, she hasn’t seen you for a few months.”

“She saw me two weeks ago, we had a video call with Lexa,” Raven defends.

“Where’s Lexa by the way? Not home yet?” Costia asks.

“She hasn’t been home early since her first day back at work,” Clarke replies and Anya doesn’t miss Clarke’s sad tone.

“I don’t know for the other days but today it’s my fault. I pressured her to meet the candidates I chose for her,” Anya explains before suggesting, “I’ll call her right now, she better not put work before her family.”

Clarke smiles weakly at Anya feeling guilty because Lexa did change after they were married, hell even before they were married she has been putting their relationship before anything and anyone else. Lexa always makes of her family her top priority, _she_ is the one who has been neglecting her marriage and her daughter for her work with the new clinical trial at the hospital.

Clarke is lost in her thoughts when Anya comes back and informs her that Lexa is in her way home. She makes a mental note to have a serious talk with Lexa about their future, she knows she wants a baby too. Well, she wants more than just one but she feels like it is not the good time for her and she needs Lexa to understand that.

“How are you?” Anya asks awkwardly, “I mean, you and Lexa? It must be hard to be a fully employed parent.” She corrects and only make it worse as Clarke thinks, _‘Fucking great! Lexa told her something, it means Lexa is not happy.’_

“Yeah…ummm…it’s tiring sometimes but totally worth it when I get home and see her smile…their smiles.”

“I know,” Anya fathoms. “It’s the same for me minus the baby,” She smiles explaining as her gaze shifts to her girlfriend having a serious conversation with a three year old.

“It’s a blessing to do something I love then get home to someone I love, Raven doesn’t agree as I come home late but it is not like it’s going to be forever like that.”

Anya has been filling Lexa’s shoes in the company for the last two years. That way, Lexa can support Clarke in her career and be home with Masha instead of travelling every other month for two weeks, like she has been doing before; which means that she didn’t have regular hours and would come home late almost every day and Raven was not happy about it.

Some days Raven is comprehensive and others not so much, she knows that Anya loves her work and it is the only reason that keeps her from complaining too much, whilst Anya knows that she is lucky Raven is in love with her otherwise she would have left her long ago.

“You guys will find your rhythm,” Clarke tries to reassure her but then Anya takes her aback asking, “Did you?”

“Oh…I think yeah. I guess, somehow we did,” She shrugs, “and I’m expecting things to become even harder with the opening of the subsidiary company.”

“Don’t worry, I picked the best team for her just so you can have a life.”

“Thank you, I really appreciate what you’ve been doing,” Clarke says then gives Anya a friendly hug.

“It’s my duty, you guys are family,” Anya replies warming Clarke’s heart.

“Thanks,” Clarke adds softly. “I hope we’ll get a chance to do the same for you guys.”

Anya uncharacteristically blushes because she has something in mind and she is going to need their help sooner than Clarke thinks. She takes a deep breath and says avoiding to meet Clarke’s eyes, “Let’s go save what’s left of Masha’s innocence before Raven ends it.”

“I’ll go change and come back,” Clarke lets out, she wants to put something nicer, something that Lexa likes to see her in but before she can go she hears another car parking outside.

She doubts it is Lexa, it can only be Octavia as she promised her to do her best.

Anya joins her girlfriend and Masha who apparently has warmed up to her as she already has a goofy smile on her face and is somehow effectively interacting with her.

“I didn’t know you’re that good with kids,” Anya whispers after kissing her cheek loving how cute and soft she looked talking with Masha.

Raven turns and smiles at her. “Not with any kid, it’s Masha.”

“What if-”

“Don’t,” Raven interrupts. “Don’t even dare think about it.”

“I’m sorry, Anya,” Costia sympathizes with her friend.

“Alright,” Anya trails off then looks at Masha and lets out softly, “Hey Masha.” and much to her surprise Masha recognizes her replying, _“Hey Nana.”_

“Ow…it’s Anya,” The blonde articulates and Masha repeats after her.

“That’s unfair,” Raven blurts out, both Anya and Costia chuckle.

“She recognizes me too and I don’t see her that much,” Costia beams.

“Cos, you’re a ginger of course she’ll remember you,” Raven cuts in then huffs, “I’m jealous.”

“I do talk to her almost every day,” Anya justifies.

“Still, I’m the coolest one. She should remember me. And she will from now on.” Raven promises and Anya leans once again and places a soft kiss on her cheek.

***

“It’s not a set-up, O. I swear,” Clarke lets out hastily walking next to Octavia who frowns, “Ok, whatever. Where’s Masha? I got-”

“Costia is here,” Clarke blurts out interrupting her, Octavia freezes in her spot. “What?”

“Costia is here,” Clarke repeats nervously, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…it’s not a set-up”

Octavia nods thoughtfully then fakes a smile at her best friend but fails miserably at hiding her anxiety stuttering, “Alright, I…I wasn’t expecting that…it’s...”

“I know, it’s fine if you don’t want to be here…I understand,” Clarke says but Octavia shakes her head, “I’m fine, Clarke.” Then starts walking again. She doesn’t want to hide or avoid Costia and show her that she still cares.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispers once again behind her before rushing to her bedroom so she can put something else for when Lexa comes home and leaves her best friend on her own knowing that she will only make things weirder if she walks her in like a baby who needs support.

Octavia walks in the living-room with confident steps but it seems that her heart didn’t get the memo and it starts beating hard against her chest.

“Hi everyone,” She lets out casually avoiding to look at Costia, doing her best to keep her eyes on Masha adding, _“Salut Masha.”_ (Hi Masha.)

Masha looks up at her and waves at her mama’s best friend making Raven roll her eyes, “I can’t believe it, you’re practically a ghost and she remembers you.”

Costia shifts uncomfortably on the couch feeling like an intruder, like she shouldn’t be here at least she won’t have to endure being ignored by her ex-girlfriend but then Octavia looks at her with a smile, “Hi there!”

“Hi,” Costia breathes out nervously and before she can decipher the look Octavia is giving her the brunette looks back at Masha handing her the toy she got her.

“No, no,” Raven takes it from Octavia’s hand. “That’s not happening.”

“Come on, babe,” Anya lets out chuckling. “You can’t be serious.”

“Hell, I am. Masha is my friend today, no one is allowed to get her attention but me,” Raven argues.

“Too late, Raven. She saw it and she wants it,” Octavia says nodding towards Masha who is looking at the new toy in Raven’s hand.

“I can’t believe you two are fighting over a three year old,” Anya comments laughing.

“I’m not,” Octavia denies crouching down next to Masha and says with a broken French, _“Elle est fofolle, n’est-ce pas?”_ (She’s crazy, isn’t she?)

Masha giggles and Raven quickly catches up. “Wait, what did she say?” She asks Costia who can’t help smiling. She is the one who taught Octavia some French and she missed hearing her, _she missed her_. She tries to ignore the ache in her heart and replies, “She told her _I missed you._ ”

“Alright, here,” Raven says handing Masha the gift and gives up trying to understand what Octavia said.

 _“Merci,”_ (Thank you,) Masha lets out shyly.

“How are you guys?” Octavia asks sitting next to Anya and trying to not let Costia’s words affect her.

“Good, what about you?” Raven replies with a friendly smile, she could see her friend is nervous even if she is hiding it well.

“Same,” Octavia shrugs and Costia stands up walking towards the mini-bar to pour herself some liquid courage much needed to keep her going the whole evening as it seems to her that Octavia is totally unfazed by her presence.

“We haven’t seen you much at the Grounders,” Costia hears Anya saying and feels her heart clench in her chest. She has been hanging out there every single day for two months hoping a certain brunette would show up, but Octavia never did.

“Yeah, I haven’t been there for a while,” Octavia confirms.

Costia is more than grateful for her friends’ efforts to keep Octavia talking without pushing her to participate but in the other hand she felt excluded and it was hard to finally see Octavia again without being able to interact with her. It is hard to not be the one making her smile.

After a moment Masha warms up to Raven and starts playing with her and soon she helps easing Costia’s distress as she tugs at her hand and invites her to play with them while Anya and Octavia are chitchatting.

But when Lexa comes in and greets her friends, she steals the little girl’s attention immediately. Masha hops to her and Lexa lifts her up in her arms and showers her face with kisses.

“You missed me? Yeah, mommy missed you too,” Lexa coos enjoying her daughter’s sloppy kisses she is trying to give her back while everyone in the room is looking at them lovingly.

Right then, Clarke comes back from the bedroom and freezes in her spot for a moment noticing Lexa’s smile with Masha in her arms, guilt tug at her heartstrings for depriving Lexa from having such happiness and more of it, _‘How can you deny her happiness, look at her…you want it too,_ ’ She hears the voice in the back of her mind telling her but decides to ignore it and walks to her wife wearing a sundress just like Lexa loves them, and some light make up.

Anya smirks and Raven stifles a chuckle when they see the way Lexa is eye-fucking her wife shamelessly in front of them. Clarke leans to peck her lips but it seems that Lexa wants more, she puts her hand on Clarke’s back bringing her closer and deepens the kiss before pulling back.

Raven clears her throat, and Clarke feels her blood rushing to her cheeks and somewhere else. “Hey,” She husks looking into green eyes.

“Hi,” Lexa simply replies before Masha gets her attention back playing with her collar buttons.

“Since we brought dinner, let’s go heat it,” Anya says nudging her girlfriend. Lexa puts her daughter back where she was playing and says, “And I’ll go put something comfy.”

Everyone keeps silent watching Lexa then Clarke walks to their bedroom leaving them alone with Masha, Anya laughs breaking the silence, “Alright, let’s go heat our dinner.”

Anya takes Raven’s hand and walks her to the kitchen leaving Masha alone with Octavia and Costia.

Masha looks back at them as if she is deliberating which one she likes the most then walks to Costia’s side who sat back on the floor her back against the couch. Masha climbed on it and sit behind her playing with her hair but it didn’t bother Costia, on the contrary it warmed her heart as it seems that Lexa’s daughter was the only one acknowledging her presence.

Octavia takes Costia’s glass and without asking her she goes to the mini bar, pours herself a drink, and refills one for her before coming back and handing it to her.

“Thanks,” Costia lets out almost in a whisper afraid to say anything else.

“I always liked your hair too,” Octavia says after taking a first gulp of her drink. Costia glances at her meeting her eyes and instead of replying she simply smiles, she knows.

“I didn’t know you were here,” Octavia adds awkwardly.

“They dragged me here, they sai-” Costia tries to explain but Octavia interrupts her, “It’s fine, Cos. It just feels like you’re not comfortable with me being here too, I can leave,” She shrugs and Costia’s throat tightens.

She keeps silent for a moment not knowing what to say, nor how to feel. The pain in her chest was overwhelming everything else. She never thought being around Octavia would be so painful because this is all she wanted.

“I miss you,” She lets out softly not daring to meet her eyes.

“I know,” Octavia replies stupidly. She does know, Costia said it a few minutes ago when mistranslating Masha’s words using them to convey her feelings. Costia waits for her to speak again; she expects, _‘I missed you too.’_ but doesn’t get a single word.

“I should leave,” Costia mutters taking her phone to call a cab.

“Please, don’t,” Octavia lets out getting Costia’s attention, “Stay. I haven’t…we haven’t seen each other for a while. It’s nice to see you again.”

“I asked Bellamy for your address or your number,” Costia confesses and Octavia’s eyes widen, she knows Costia tried to reach for her but she didn’t know she asked Bellamy, she wonders if he gave it to her.

“He threatened me,” Costia chuckles answering Octavia’s unasked question then adds, “I asked Clarke too but she said she would have to ask you first, she didn’t call back.”

“I’m sorry, I…it was all on me. I was hurting and I needed space…time.”

“How are you now?” Costia dares to ask.

“Fine,” Octavia smiles at her and Costia doesn’t know how to feel about it. Yes, she is happy that Octavia moved on but it also makes her heart ache to know that she doesn’t love her anymore.

“Do you want to have a coffee with me someday?”

Octavia is taken aback by her offer. She was not expecting Costia to ask her out even if it is not a date, it sounds like one and it will eventually be one because they both are still pinning over each other. Instead of giving a clear answer, she takes Costia’s phone and dials her number then hands it back to her.

  
***

Without thinking it through, Clarke follows Lexa and the second they step into their bedroom she tugs her in a searing kiss. It is not tender, it is passionate and it takes Lexa by surprise.

“I missed you,” She breathes out looking into green eyes.

“I can tell,” Lexa replies trying to catch her breath. “You look stunning in this dress.”

“I knew you’d like it,” Clarke says before kissing Lexa again and starts unbuttoning her shirt pushing her towards their bed.

“We’re not alone,” Lexa blurts out against her lips trying to reason Clarke who tilts her head back answering, “I’m just helping you undress faster.”

Lexa’s chuckle is muffled by Clarke’s lips in another searing kiss but again Lexa interrupts, “Help me choose what to wear then.” She walks Clarke backwards and presses her against the dressing room’s door taking control of the kiss earning a dirty moan from Clarke who reminds Lexa that they have company.

“We can’t, not now. We’ve….everyone is here!” She explains breathless. Clarke stares at her for a few seconds confused then nods her eyes glued to her lips she adds playfully, “I’ll go join them in one condition.”

“Anything,” Lexa breathes out tilting her head to the side and places a soft kiss on her neck.

“Wear this suit,” Clarke husks.

“Alright, I’ll wear a suit. Anything else?”

Clarke sneaks her arms around her waist and nuzzles her neck taking a deep breath before whispering, “No, not any suit. This one.”

“As you wish,” Lexa kisses Clarke’s hair before letting her go back to their friends.  
  


**********

The dinner goes pretty well considering the awkward tension between the two ex-girlfriends as at this stage it is easier for them to be around each other when they are not alone. Lexa didn’t miss the way Anya was pretty silent comparing to how she usually is whenever they gather together after a long time having not seen each other so she does her best to have her a moment alone with her.

“You seem a little off, tonight,” She comments as they get in her office. It takes Anya a moment to answer her best friend. “Just tired,” She trails off.

Lexa looks at her surprised, she was not expecting Anya to lie to her.

“Want a drink?”

“No, thank you. What did you wanna talk about?” Anya asks.

“Oh, nothing serious. I just wanted to…you know talk,” Lexa shrugs pouring herself a drink.

“I’m all ears.”

“Actually, I was hoping you’d do the talk and I’d listen.”

Anya raises her eyebrows, “I’m not sure what you want me to say.” Lexa smiles at her then says, “If it’s about work, I can find a way an-”

“I’m fine, Lexa,” Anya reassures her.

“I know, no one would ever be as good as you but you have a life too. I mean Raven isn’t happy about how busy you’ve been and I can understand that,” Lexa explains knowing how it can be tiring to not see the persons she loves just because of work.

“Raven is fine,” Anya cuts in. “I stay late at the office only when needed otherwise I leave at regular hours.”

“Alright, I just want you to know that you’re free to have an assistant. The candidates I met today are remarkably qualified, you can just pick one and let them help you.”

“I’ve been doing fine for the last few years, don’t need them,” Anya replies a little offended. Lexa smiles at her best friend, she knows her too well, “Anya, you need their help so you can enjoy your life that’s what I’m saying.”

Anya keeps silent debating for a brief moment before nodding, “I’ll think about it.”

“It’s your decision to take, don’t…you won’t need my approval. I noticed that you put on hold some interesting projects, you shouldn’t have waited for me. I gave you plain authority for that.”

“If you’re talki-” Anya tries to defend herself but Lexa interrupts her right away, “I trust you, Anya. You’ve more than proven yourself, you’re my associate now.”

“I know.”

“Then act like it,” Lexa adds, “You haven’t taken any major decision since you’ve been promoted, it’s good to play it safe but you’ve always helped me take such decisions.”

“I don’t understand why stop now. Do you regret it?”

“I don’t, I just….it’s not easy. I don’t want everyone to think that I favor the projects Raven is part of,” Anya replies finally walking towards the minibar to pour herself a drink.

“Come on, An. Everyone knows you’re not like that,” Lexa scolds. “And that’s selfish by the way.” Anya looks at Lexa with brows furrowed not understanding what she means.

“You’re putting on hold Raven’s opportunity to shine just because you’re afraid of what others might think! Since when did you start caring about their opinion anyway?”

“Easy for you to say,” Anya replies taking a gulp from her drink. “You’re the owner, Lexa.”

“Alright, how about you give me your honest opinion on her projects and I take the final decision?”

“That’s what I did, what I’m doing. I gave you a report on the projects for the upcoming year and it’s for you to take the final decision.”

“I’m not talking about the other projects, only Raven’s,” Lexa clarifies.

“Oh, alright. I’ll do it tomorrow,” Anya nods.

“Great,” Lexa lets out before asking her about her father. “How is Titus? I haven’t seen him around much.”

“Neither did I,” Anya huffs. “He’s avoiding me.”

“Titus avoiding you? That’s new! Does it have to do with Raven again?” Lexa asks taking a sip from her drink.

“Kind of.”

“I thought they were fine?”

“They are, it’s more about me.”

“Why, what happened?” Lexa asks concerned, Anya smiles at her shyly, “I told him that I’m going to propose.”

“Really? I mean…you are?” Lexa’s eyes widen and Anya nods her smile reaching her eyes. She scoots closer and squeezes her best friend in a warm embrace, “Congratulations” then pulls back. “When are you going to do it? And where? Did you buy a ring?”

Anya chuckles at Lexa’s enthusiasm, happy to finally share her secret with someone who is thrilled by the news just like she is instead of telling her that she is making a mistake and trying to dissuade her from doing it.

“Well, I got a ring a while ago and I know when I want to propose but I’ll need your help for that.”

Lexa beams at her answer glad to be part of it as both Anya and Raven are dear to her heart.

“Of course.”

Anya smiles grateful. “Thank you. It feels nice to have some support.”

“Always, Anya. Now tell me what do you need?” Lexa asks impatiently.

After discussing and planning the proposal, Lexa and Anya head back to the living room where they find Masha very much awake hopping between Costia and Raven.

 _“Il est temps de faire dodo, Masha,”_ (It’s time to sleep, Masha,) Lexa lets out gesturing for her daughter to take her hand but the little girl hides behind Raven’s back not wanting to leave.

Raven’s heart melts, she shields the little girl and says to Lexa, “Just five more minutes, we’re leaving anyway.”

“Alright,” Lexa agrees then tilts her head peeking at her daughter and laughs when Masha pouts and firmly answers with bravery, _“Non.”_ (No.)

A gentle smile spreads across Clarke’s face at the sound of Lexa’s laugh, it is like no time has passed. Lexa’s laugh, smiles and chuckles always have that effect on her.

The same sweet feeling fills Clarke’s chest with joy and reaches her face tugging lightly at the corner of her lips whenever she hears or sees Lexa happy. Just like when they were kids sitting in their spot or after Lexa had spent days apart from ‘pregnant Clarke’ and would come back home to her. They would spend hours in their bed catching up and Lexa loyal to her cuteness would spend a while talking to her baby bump making silly jokes.

Or again, just like after Masha’s birth whenever Lexa is back home she would rush to check on her daughter and get very disappointed if she finds her asleep.

****

**_Spring 2020; France;  
A few weeks after Masha’s birth;_ **

_Clarke heard the keys and the door open but then nothing, Lexa didn’t come and kiss her like she usually does nor did she let out, ‘I’m home.’ which is unlike her. Clarke puts her sketchbook on the couch, and goes looking for her wife when she notices that the door of Masha’s bedroom is open while she knows she closed it after she put her to bed._

_She smiles thinking that Lexa went to check on her daughter first but finds the room empty neither her nor Masha are there. She hears Lexa’s quite whispers coming from their bedroom and when she goes there, she stops leaning by the door’s frame for a moment to enjoy the scenery._

_On the bed, Lexa is still in her suit laying on her side head propped on one hand looking down at their baby girl. Too entranced by her daughter to even notice Clarke’s presence, she is somehow having an exchange with her._

_Clarke could hear Lexa talking but she couldn’t quite understand as her voice was rather lulling than talking to Masha who was letting out little noises as if she was answering her mother. Clarke stares lovingly at them lingering on Lexa’s face, long enough to enjoy the sight of her smile and feed her heart with the memory of it._

_There are still times where it feels crazy almost unbelievable that she and Lexa had a baby, that Masha is finally here with them and such moments between Lexa and Masha always help her brain catch up._

_Her feet walk her to the bed where she joins her girls laying on her side behind Lexa who throws her head back and smiles at her. Clarke scoots closer to her spooning her first then kisses her lips._

_“You should let her sleep,” Clarke comments after their lips part, Lexa looks back at her daughter and says, “She was awake when I came.”_

_Clarke chuckles in disbelief, Lexa is literally lying just to spend some time with Masha. “Lexa, I managed to put her asleep ten minutes before you got home.”_

_“It’s not fair, she’s always asleep whenever I get home,” Lexa whines before leaning down to kiss her daughter’s tiny hand wrapped around her finger and adds, “I miss her so much. It’s crazy.”_

_Clarke kisses the back of Lexa’s neck knowing what Lexa is feeling and tells her, “I’m sure she misses you too but we both know she loves to sleep more than she loves us right now.”_

_Lexa chuckles. “You’re one to talk.”_

_“What? I’m a light sleeper not like you,” Clarke defends._

_“Yeah, right,” Lexa lets out with a sarcastic tone, Clarke tickles her to admission. “Alright, alright…I'm not a morning person anymore but you should blame yourself and this little one," Lexa says as she puts her index finger on Masha's nose before continuing, "for keeping me late at night."_

_"But you love us."_

_Lexa looks back at Clarke with a content smile on her face, "More than you can imagine. You two are my everything." Instead of verbally answering, Clarke kisses Lexa’s lips squeezing her tightly against her._

_No words can translate how happy she is and Lexa knows it as she could feel it too being wrapped in between the warmth of Clarke’s loving arms around her and their little baby lying next to her, close to her heart._

**********

It feels the same and Clarke misses that feeling, not that she hasn’t seen Lexa smile or happy but it is different. And the fact that the last few days Lexa has been sad and has avoided her only makes it worse. Once again, she feels guilty for denying Lexa that kind of happiness, guilty for being selfish.

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke hears Costia saying and realizes that she has been staring at her wife for longer than she thought and that it is already time for their guests to leave.

“Yeah, of course.”

Costia looks nervously at her then whispers, “I got her number, she gave it to me.”

“Oh, ok,” Clarke lets out surprised, Octavia left just after they had dinner with a lame excuse about work while she was obviously avoiding to stay longer around because of her ex-girlfriend.

“Thanks,” Costia replies scooting closer and adds almost in a whisper so only Clarke hears her, “Can you give me her address?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke lets out hesitantly. “She gave you her number, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I…I’d rather talk to her face to face,” Costia explains, “Please!”

“Then ask her.”

Costia looks away she already feels guilty and ashamed to beg and a part of her is afraid that Octavia wouldn’t want to see her even if she already has her number.

“Alright, but please don’t make me regret it,” Clarke finally says.

“You won’t,” Costia promises hoping that she would be able to keep it.

After walking their guest to the car, Lexa comes back to the living room to gather her daughter’s toys and all the mess she made during the evening before she heads to her room and kisses her goodnight.

She finds Clarke in her nightgown ready to get in bed and frowns, “I thought you had something else in mind?”

“You’re tired, we both are,” Clarke answers opening her arms inviting Lexa to join her. “Come here,” She adds with a whisper and Lexa does, falling into her arms then sighs contently against her breasts, “They’re so comfy, so tempting in that dress.”

“They’re yours,” Clarke mumbles and Lexa smiles recognizing her wife’s sleepy voice. “Always,” She whispers before drifting asleep in her arms.

***

The next morning, Clarke wakes up to Lexa wrapped in a towel freshly out of the shower and getting ready for work. She stares dreamily at her for a moment and considers saying something. Like ask Lexa to come closer so she can feel and touch her but chooses not to and instead she keeps on watching her silently.

The sharp looking and well fitted cuts of Lexa’s designer suit makes her exquisite silhouette sexier if possible and the way she buttons her shirt then smooths it with her slender fingers makes Clarke want them, want her right there right then.

“Hey beautiful,” Clarke lets out seeing that she is almost done and ready to leave.

“Morning,” Lexa says walking back to the bed then sits on the edge next to Clarke before she leans down and pecks her lips.

“You’re leaving already?” She asks taking Lexa’s hand in hers. Lexa instinctively laces their fingers together and says with an apologetic smile, “I have to.”

“Just don’t be late for dinner,” Clarke says pulling their hands up to her lips and places sweet kisses on each of Lexa’s fingers making her smile. “I can’t promise you that, there’s a lot to do and I want to finish everything before next week so I can go back home with you.”

Clarke says nothing and simply nods remembering that they have to go back to France because of her work at the hospital and that she can’t go back to it without her wife around with Masha.

Lexa leans down to kiss her but Clarke hugs her instead nuzzling her neck, “But you look so hot in this suit, I don’t want you to leave.” Lexa tilts her head back and asks with a smirk, “What do you want then?”

Clarke unexpectedly blushes. Even if Lexa is her wife and she already had her while they were still dressed, she never got to say it out loud. She only stopped her from taking off her clothes but now it is different, Lexa is asking her what she wants and the thought of admitting it makes her shy.

“I want you,” She lets out and Lexa raises her eyebrow looking smugly at her.

“How?”

“You know how,” Clarke bites her lip moving her hand on Lexa’s shirt over her breasts and Lexa insists with a serious tone, “If I knew, I wouldn’t ask.” She wants to hear Clarke’s morning voice tell her how she wants her.

Clarke subconsciously squeezes her thighs together for some friction at the image of Lexa in her suit with her slender fingers buried deep in her fucking her hard, and Lexa doesn’t miss it she smiles looking down at Clarke’s body.

“You clearly know the answer but you don’t want to tell me. Unfortunately, I don’t have the whole day,” She shrugs getting up to leave when Clarke blurts out, “Wait!”

Lexa looks back at her waiting to hear what she has to say fighting the urge to smile at Clarke’s cute morning face cheeks flushed.

“I want you in your suit….and I want your fingers,” Clarke replies biting her lip. The last part of her answer surprises Lexa but she doesn’t show instead she turns back and resumes what she was doing, she puts her vest on before walking back to Clarke.

She sits next to her and trails her fingertips on her collarbone then moves down slowly to her breasts circling her nipple then the other and says, “That’s interesting.”

Clarke bites her lip in anticipation, loving the way Lexa’s green eyes are looking at her breasts. At the feeling of her fingers leaving them and moving down on her body, she closes her eyes and slightly arches her back against the bed to feel more of the tingly feeling of her wife’s caresses.

However, Lexa has something else in mind. She stops her teasing fingers at the hem of her nightgown and waits for Clarke to open her eyes before pushing her hand between her thighs.

 _“Fuck,”_ Clarke breathes out as Lexa touches her right where she needs her with the back of her hand putting more pressure than the light caresses of her fingertips. She parts her legs wider but Lexa takes her hand away saying, “I gotta go, too bad you didn’t say it sooner.” Then leans down and kisses Clarke’s forehead.

“Wait what?” Clarke asks confused looking at Lexa walking away and without looking back she says, “See you tonight.”

She throws her head back on the pillow laughing in disbelief, Lexa just turned her on and left her hanging. Foolishly, she waits for her to come back but then hears Lexa’s car driving away.

**Woods office building;  
Conference room;**

Seeing that everyone left the conference room, Anya walks there with the report about Raven’s project she has spent the morning working on when she bumps into her.

Raven looks down at the file in her hands and rolls her eyes. “It’s lunch break, don’t tell me you’re goin-”

“I’m not,” Anya quickly interrupts before explaining, “I’ll just go give Lexa this and join you.”

“Can’t it wait for after the lunch break?”

“Why? Is Lexa still in the meeting?” Anya asks.

“No, everyone left but her _hot new assistant,_ ” Raven replies annoyed.

“Echo?”

Raven raises her eyebrow because Lexa did not officially choose nor announce that Echo is her assistant, which means Anya did notice and does think that Echo is hot.

“How did you know I’m talking about Echo?”

Anya blushes looking around not wanting that their colleagues hear them talking about Echo because it doesn’t sound like they are just talking but rather perving on her.

“I just assumed since she’s…I mean Lexa likes her a lot so I…umm guessed that she chose her.”

Raven crosses her arms over her chest and glares at her girlfriend not liking the way she is stuttering, “You like her, don’t you?”

“What? No,” Anya replies too defensively and it irks Raven even more, she tilts her head slightly to the side giving Anya the _‘Don’t bullshit me’_ look.

“I do, of course. I chose her…I mean she meets all the job’s requirement.”

“Ow, alright. See you tonight then.”

“I thought we were having lunch together?” Anya frowns confused.

Raven leans and whispers in her ear, “Not anymore, bye.”

Anya shakes her head not believing that Raven just got jealous. Yes, she did notice that Echo is a beautiful woman but nothing more, she felt like Raven was a bit exaggerating when qualifying her as _‘hot’_.

Just like Raven told her, Anya finds Lexa still in the conference room with Echo who was sitting on a chair’s arm legs crossed wearing a pretty short pencil skirt and a white blouse with a visible black bra under it.

Anya realizes how wrong she was. Indeed, Echo is _‘hot’_ way too hot to not notice it with her sexy outfit and unprofessional demeanor.

She walks in and clears her throat keeping her usual intimidating look to the woman but Echo is certainly not intimidated, not in the slightest as she gives her a charming smile before looking back at Lexa who simply nodded at her and resumed what she was saying.

Once, she was done answering and explaining Echo’s question Lexa looks at Anya and notices that she had something in her hand but before she can say anything Anya says, “Can you give us some privacy, Echo?”

“Of course,” Echo replies with a smile before looking at Lexa and adding, “I’ll be in your office, if that’s ok with you.”

“It’s lunch break,” Anya butts in coldly.

“Oh, I lost track of time. See you after lunch break then,” Echo lets out before leaving.

Lexa immediately takes the file from her and without even bothering to read everything except that it is indeed the project of Raven’s team, she takes her pencil signs the report and gives it back to her.

“Send the official one to Echo to get it signed.”

“You didn’t even rea-” Anya says first then Lexa’s words sink in, “Don’t tell me you chose her.”

“Yeah, she’s perfect for the job,” Lexa says gathering her things to leave the conference room.

“Come on, Lexa,” Anya scoffs. She knows that kind of women, she has seen a lot since she started working in the Woods’ company and especially after Lexa became the owner.

“Why? What’s wrong with her?”

“Are you seriously asking me? Did you even see how undressed she is? Without mentioning the way she was flirting with you.”

Lexa looks a little confused at her best friend then feels her cheeks burning, “What are you talking about?”

“She was eye-fucking you,” Anya points out the obvious.

“She was focused with what I was saying because I’m her boss,” Lexa corrects before she walks out of the conference room. Anya follows her to make sure she understands Echo’s real intentions and telling her to keep an eye on her but after a moment Lexa interrupts her having heard enough she asks, “When are you proposing to Raven?”

“I…I told you and why are you tryin-” Anya lets out.

“I’m not trying anything, An. And just so you know _soon-ish_ is not an answer,” Lexa says looking at her phone screen checking if Clarke sent her anything but finds nothing. She puts her phone back on her desk a little disappointed and looks back at Anya.

“I don’t get it, you’ve the ring and you love her. What are you waiting for?”

Anya is surprised by her question and before she can answer Lexa speaks again, “Don’t waste your time, An. You’re getting old…I mean I’d have done it already if I were you. I’d start a family and have babies...I’m sure Raven wants that, did you see her with Masha? She’s good with kids and she...”

To say that Anya was surprised is an understatement, she was gaping at Lexa rambling about how life is short and that she should do what she wants before something comes in between her and Raven. Her words make sense but Anya doesn’t understand why Lexa is so concerned and affected by this and then she realizes that she might be having an issue in her own relationship, in her own marriage.

“Lexa, stop,” Anya blurts out firmly to get her best friend’s attention. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, why?” Lexa answers in a beat and Anya feels less worried about her.

“Nothing,” She trails off.

“Go, take a few days. You and Raven both have my permission to leave and just propose to her. Now go tell her that her project was validated,” Lexa finishes her speech with an order.

Anya chuckles nervously. “I don’t get it why are you concerned about my proposal?”

“Because you’re my best friend and I want you to be happy,” Lexa replies plainly. Last night when they were talking about the details of her plan, Lexa understood that the only thing that kept Anya from doing it is time. With all her responsibilities and Lexa back in France, she can’t possibly take a few days off with Raven so the only solution for her is to wait for Christmas holidays.

Anya looks away from Lexa thinking about what she just suggested and she can’t help feeling excited about the idea because the only thing that was keeping her from doing it was their schedules but then she remembers, “I can’t, Lexa. It’s your last week here and there’s still so much to do. It can wait a few weeks until the holidays.”

“It’s a few months not weeks,” Lexa corrects before sitting next to her best friend and adding, “I won’t need you and we both know I’m staying a few additional days anyway.”

“But if I help-” Anya starts to argue back but Lexa interrupts her with a warning tone, “No but, Anya. Is a week enough?”

“Yeah,” Anya replies with a nervous smile.

“Good, then you’re leaving tomorrow,” Lexa says and Anya chuckles nervously, “Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

“Of course,” Lexa reassures her. “I’ll call and make sure the jet is ready to go whenever you need meanwhile you should go pack.”

“It’s crazy,” Anya mutters. “What do I tell her?”

“Nothing for now until you get everything ready.”

“But she’s going to guess, it’s not like we’re used to take days off and travel whenever we want.”

“I’ll do it when you get ready,” Lexa lets out with a smile. “I’ll tell her it’s to thank you guys for what you’ve done for me and Clarke, and to celebrate the approval of her new project.”

Anya tugs Lexa in a grateful hug for all her support then pulls back and says, “Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you,” Lexa says, “Really, Anya. If it wasn’t for you, we couldn’t have done it.”

Indeed, things would have been different if not to Anya’s help and Raven’s patience. Lexa is aware of it, especially after Clarke refused to have another baby because of their schedule and careers.

Lexa feels guilty for taking so much time and energy from her best friends and somehow delaying their happiness longer. She feels indebted, and it is the only thing that comes to her mind now to return the favor.

**********

**_Much much later that day…_ **

Clarke looks down at the car trunk one last time, feeling like she forgot something then decides to go through the picnic basket once again before leaving and notices that she didn’t bring Masha’s mug nor wet wipes. She rushes back to the kitchen, grabs her daughter’s favorite baby mug and opens the drawer to take the wet wipes when she sees her contraceptive pills.

She takes the tablet in her hand then remembers that she did not take any yesterday before going to bed. A strange feeling burst in her chest, the good type of feelings a mix of happiness and excitement tempering the negative sentiment of fear coiling in her guts.

 _“Maman, viens mommy attend,”_ (Maman, come mommy waiting,) Clarke is brought back from her thoughts by Masha tugging at her dress to get her attention, she smiles down at her feeling her heart melting at her daughter’s cuteness.

Clarke knows they won’t be coming home until late at night and it is usually the time she takes her pill but she can’t help throwing the tablet back in the drawer and closes it before picking her daughter up in her arms and kisses her.

 _“Non, mon bébé._ _C’est une surprise, mommy ne sait pas,"_ (No, my baby. It’s a surprise, mommy doesn’t know,) Clarke says walking back to the car. She really doesn’t understand why it made her nervous the thought of having another baby, having Masha was one of the best things she ever experienced in her life and it is something she has always wanted even dreamt about.

She remembers when she was a teenager telling Lexa then her parents that she will have a big family once she grows up. Even after she got married with Lexa, they talked about having kids, not just one. Herself, she kept making up stories imagining how crazy their life would become with four or five kids running around.

And when Lexa talked about having another baby Clarke felt apprehensive about it especially because she was feeling guilty after noticing that she missed a lot of precious moments with their daughter, moments she should have been part of.

However, now she feels silly for freaking out and shutting the idea right away and making the woman she loves the most feeling sad. Seeing that she forgot to take her pill the day before made her feel something unexpected.

It made her feel excited even if it is stupid, she knows that missing one pill is not going to get her pregnant because the effect of the contraception pills takes some time to wear off.

She drives to the Woods’ office building with a smile plastered on her face, she deliberately picked the sundress she wore the previous day knowing that Lexa loved it and instead of the casual underwear she chose the sexiest lingerie she had packed. She knew except for Lexa and a few security agents no one will be around so she doesn’t have to worry about being underdressed.

She picks up the picnic basket in one hand and with the other she takes Masha’s hand but as soon as the security agent sees her, he offers to help and takes the basket from her and walks them straight to Lexa’s personal elevator. Clarke thanks him before taking it back from him and stepping in.

When the elevator’s doors open, Clarke’s smile disappears noticing that not only Lexa is not alone but she is with a gorgeous woman she never saw before. Masha sees her mommy and rushes to her as fast as her little legs allow her.

Lexa’s eyes widen in surprise, she was not expecting her baby daughter to visit her at work. When she texted Clarke and told her she won’t make it on time for dinner, she waited a few minutes for an answer but when she got none she put her phone and focused back on her work thinking that she just made things worse after how she left Clarke hanging this morning.

Clarke takes a deep breath before steeping out of the elevator, she is going to need it to control herself. The woman is already closer to Lexa who picked Masha up and kissed her.

“You’ve a beautiful daughter,” Clarke hears the woman saying and it rubs her the wrong way.

“Just like her mother,” Lexa answers proudly looking at the other direction from where Clarke is coming. She feels her cheeks burning when she sees what she is wearing, her mind brings her back to the steamy make out they had while their guests where heating dinner for them.

Before Clarke says anything, Lexa wraps her arm around her waist and kisses her. It helps easing Clarke’s worries a little bit but not enough.

 _“C’est qui?”_ (Who is it?)

 _“Je suis Echo, la nouvelle assistante de Lexa,”_ (I’m Echo, Lexa’s new assistant,) The woman introduces herself with a perfect Parisian accent before Lexa gets the chance to answer.

Clarke looks down at Echo’s hand before shaking it.

 _“Clarke, sa femme,”_ (Clarke, her wife,) She lets out with a fake smile. Lexa doesn’t miss the way her wife’s blue eyes are closely studying Echo and remembers Anya’s comments about her not so professional behavior and outfit.

“Echo, can you please come back later so we can finish?” Lexa quickly asks and Clarke blurts out, “Don’t bother coming back, we’re taking her home.”

Echo looks at her boss to see what she has to say and all Lexa does is shrug, “I guess we’re done for today. See you tomorrow, Echo…and thank you for staying I really needed the extra hand.”

“My pleasure, Mrs Woods,” Echo replies politely.

“Mrs Griffin-Woods,” Clarke corrects jealously and Lexa bites the inside of her cheeks to not laugh.

“Mrs Griffin-Woods,” Echo repeats amused catching up on Clarke’s jealousy then bids them goodbye.

The minute the elevator’s doors close, Clarke looks at Lexa and asks, “Are you seriously considering hiring her?”

“Yeah, why?” She asks back in a faux-innocent look.

“I don’t like her,” Clarke answers bluntly.

“Yet, she’s the best for the job,” Lexa says putting Masha down before she reaches for Clarke’s hand and pulls her into her arms to kiss her.

“I can quit my work at the hospital and work as your assistant,” Clarke suggests as their lips part.

“I doubt we’ll do anything useful,” Lexa whispers moving her hands down to squeeze Clarke’s butt cheeks then her eyes widen when she realizes that she is wearing a thong, “Oh, you know how to be persuasive, I might chang-”

Her words are muffled by Clarke’s lips who kisses her hungrily for a long moment taking her breath away before Masha interrupts them with a squeal.

They both smile in relief seeing that Masha is safe and that nothing bad happened, she just threw something in her food as it is splattered on her clothes and face. She gives them a guilty look which always seem to get her away with everything she does. Lexa walks to her and asks, _“Qu'est-ce que t'as fait?”_ (What did you do?)

 _“C’est chaud,”_ (It’s hot,) Masha pouts and Clarke’s heart melts, she regrets leaving the casserole open.

 _“Oh, ma petite a faim,”_ (Oh, my little one is hungry,) Lexa lets out taking the wet wipe Clarke hands her and starts cleaning her daughter pulling silly faces making her laugh.

Clarke zones out staring at them, this is just like she always pictured Lexa with kids even before Masha was born. She always knew Lexa would be good with kids that she would be a loving mother, the best one in her opinion.

She never doubted it and always did her best to reassure Lexa during her pregnancy whenever she freaked out about not being able to communicate her love for her baby as she read somewhere that birth mothers have a special bond with their new born.

“Clarke,” Lexa brings her back to the present with a soft smile. “Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Clarke insists to feed Masha not wanting her to make a big mess in Lexa’s office but after a moment she gives up trying as Lexa joins forces with Masha against her asking to let her do it on her own so she can enjoy her dinner too.

They manage to eat their dinner without making a big mess, Clarke is mainly silent either listening to Lexa telling her about Anya’s plan or watching her interacting with their daughter but after a moment Lexa lets out, “I thought you’re mad at me for leaving you hanging this morning.”

“Not really, I did what I had to do and just so you know it’s Masha who suggested we come have dinner with you.”

“And did Masha help you choose what to wear?” Lexa asks amused her eyes on Clarke’s cleavage.

“No, that was me so you can have a taste of your own medicine.”

Lexa chuckles scooting closer to her wife so she can kiss the devious smirk on her face but Clarke moves away and starts cleaning up the mess her daughter made.

“That’s unfair, I thought I can have a taste,” Lexa says sneaking her arms around Clarke’s waist from behind.

“You already had with your eyes.”

“It’s only a sneak peek,” Lexa argues moving her hands up to Clarke’s breasts and cups them adding, “but this…this is a taste.” She kneads her breasts and leaving featherlike kisses on her neck.

Clarke leans into her for a brief moment but quickly recollects herself moving away. “That’s it. Now, let’s clean this so we can go home.”

“I can’t wait to be home,” Lexa comments almost whining before helping her.

Once they made it back home, neither Lexa nor Clarke changed into comfortable clothes and spent the rest of their evening with Masha. Meeting Echo Lexa’s new sexy assistant made Clarke jealous and somehow frisky, she made sure to tease her wife as much as she could. She wanted to make Lexa crave her, she wanted to make Lexa forget about her new assistant and she wanted in a way to punish her for hiring such a sexy assistant.

She was jealous.

Seeing that Masha started dozing off, Lexa stands to pick her daughter up and take her to bed but Clarke stops her tugging her wrist and making her sit back on the couch.

“I’ll do it, you go take a cold shower,” Clarke suggests with a whisper before leaning exaggeratedly _– to pick their daughter up –_ to tease Lexa one last time.

Lexa chuckles, she likes when Clarke is in a playful mood. It hasn’t happened in a long time as the last few months she came back home tired and sometimes in a shitty mood whenever she lost one of her patients.

She waits for a moment long enough to watch Clarke leave before going to their bedroom and change into another suit. She wants to give Clarke what she asked her this morning and she wants to do it right so once she was done she rushed next to their bedroom door and waited for her to come.

The second Clarke steps into the room and before she can even close the door, Lexa pines her against the wall. “I was waiting for you,” She whispers looking down at Clarke’s cleavage.

“And I told you to get a col… _oh fuck,_ ” Clarke breathes out her last words at the feeling of Lexa’s fingers between her legs. She presses her hips further needing to feel more friction and begs Lexa, “Kiss me.”

Lexa happily obliges smashing her lips against hers in a passionate kiss, loving how easily Clarke gave in. She wasn’t expecting her to do it so quickly giving her playful mood but it was better this way as Lexa herself is too tired and worked up to wait any longer.

She wants to pleasure her Clarke, to hear her moans and feel her walls squeeze around her fingers so instead of taking her time and moving to the bed where she can make love to her, she fucks her against the wall of their bedroom.

Clarke watches her kneeling down and moving her dress up so she can have a better access. Lexa doesn’t even bother taking off Clarke’s thong, she pushes it to the side and gives her what she wanted.

For Clarke the sight is quite enticing but the second Lexa sucks her clit between her lips, she shuts her eyes close throwing her head back against the wall and enjoys it. She has been craving her slender fingers the whole day and she is finally feeling them inside her hitting the right spot but the minute she is about to cum she pushes Lexa, “Babe, stop...stop.”

Lexa moves her mouth away and slows down her thrusting looking up at blue eyes and for a split of a second Clarke wants to tell her _‘Let’s make a baby’_ but instead she stutters, “I…I need…I don’t want to cum…not yet.”

Lexa nods pulling her fingers out of Clarke then pushes her lips on her clit giving it a chaste kiss before looking up at her blue eyes and suck her fingers clean.

“Come here.” Clarke pulls Lexa up to kiss her then moans tasting herself on her tongue and starts stroking Lexa’s hard on adding, “I want you inside me, want us to cum together.”

Lexa nods eagerly unzipping her pants and Clarke frees her cock from her boxers. She strokes her a brief moment before trying to guide her into her entrance. Lexa lifts Clarke’s leg to hook it around her waist and her breath hitches as Clarke’s wetness coats her cock. “You’re so wet,” She breathes out against her neck. She shouldn’t be surprised but somehow the feeling of Clarke’s wetness on her cock is different, more intense.

It is passionate, sloppy and a bit rough and Clarke likes it. She adores when Lexa shows her how bad she wants her, she loves when Lexa bruises her breasts’ tender skin then leaves featherlike kisses on them the next morning. She loves when Lexa fucks her thoroughly and without restrain then cums inside her triggering her own orgasm.

Clarke is grateful when Lexa takes them to bed without pulling out of her first, she doesn’t trust her own legs even if it is a few steps and she doesn’t want to let go of her so soon. But when Lexa finally rolls off her, Clarke feels a pang of disappointment in her chest. She loves the connection, the intimacy and the possible outcome. Her chest fills with warmth at the thought of getting pregnant.

“That was hot,” Clarke comments sitting on the bed to take off her dress, which was sticking to her sweaty skin while Lexa is looking at her eyes half-lidded and a faint smile on her lips.

Knowing what is expected of her next, Clarke pulls Lexa’s pants down and throws it away then straddles her and unbuttons her shirt before Lexa sits and takes it off completely while kissing her lazily. She hugs Clarke’s waist pushing her flush against her now naked skin.

They enjoy each other silently for quite some time, no words needed only tender body language. First, Lexa caresses Clarke’s breasts with her lips leaving kisses on them and right on top of her heart then looks up into her eyes. Clarke can’t help drowning in her green eyes and getting lost in her thoughts, touching Lexa’s face with her fingertips as if she was memorizing every detail one last time.

“I wanna have babies with you, babies who look like you,” Clarke breaks the silence and Lexa’s heart skips a beat, her eyes widen not believing what she just heard.

Lexa tilts her head back a little to focus on Clarke’s face feeling confused, a few days ago Clarke was against the idea and now she is telling her she wants to have babies who look like her. Clarke can’t help smiling, she finds the look of confusion on her wife’s beautiful face adorable.

“Really?”

“If you still want them,” Clarke answers in a beat and Lexa’s chest fills with warmth.

“I do.”

Clarke’s eyes flicker down to Lexa’s lips then back up to green. “We always said we’d have a big family, didn’t we?”

“Say it again,” Lexa demands and Clarke smiles at her looking deep into her green eyes, “I wanna have babies who look li-” Before she gets to finish what she gladly wanted to repeat Lexa cups her face and showers it with kisses pouring all her love and tenderness.

“It’s all I ever wanted,” She confesses to her best friend eyes filled with unshed _happy_ tears then elaborates, “Knowing and feeling what unconditional love is, I was afraid…”

She pauses blinking her tears away before resuming, “Afraid that I’d never have it. When Masha was born, I was afraid she won’t love me or love you more than me…and then she started being responsive and expressive and I realized that I was wrong. I realized that I…that she loves me, that I do have someone who loves me unconditionally.”

“And since then, I’ve been wanting to have more of it. My own big family so we…us and the kids won’t have only one person who loves us.”

Clarke feels her heart ache at Lexa’s words and all she can think of is apologize, “I’m sorry for saying no right away.”

“Kiss me,” Lexa begs her and Clarke obliges and what was supposed to be just one kiss turns into more. Lexa lies back down on bed pulling Clarke with her while making out lazily.

At the feeling of Clarke’s hips grinding down on her Lexa blurts out questioningly, “Wait! Are we doing it now? Making a baby?” Clarke freezes looking intently at her then shrugs, “Yeah, if you want to.”

“Oh I-” Lexa lets out then Clarke quickly interrupts her adding, “We can start tomorrow.” She knows Lexa is exhausted and she doesn’t want to have half her attention anyway.

“I’d love that,” Lexa whispers dreamily before relaxing in their bed and drifting asleep with a smile on her face.

**********

She wakes up before her alarm goes off and finds Clarke already awake looking at her thoughtfully, she smiles at her lovingly but doesn’t say anything because she simply doesn’t need to. She can read what Clarke is trying to tell her just by staring into her blue eyes.

But Clarke _feels_ the need to express what is in her mind, in her heart.

“I do love you unconditionally, Lexa,” She lets out with her morning husky voice then pauses giving Lexa the time to let her words sink in before continuing, “no matter what happens I want you to know that.”

Lexa can’t help freaking out, _‘Why is she telling me this? Does she mean that if I have her unconditional love, I won’t need more? Oh my God she regrets what she told me yesterday’_ She smiles at Clarke nervously hoping that she is not regretting their last night’s talk and asks, “Did you really tell me that you want another baby or was it just...did you?”

Clarke nods with a shy smile then moves closer to her wife and whispers, “I did.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“You,” Clarke replies without hesitation.

“I didn’t do anything, nor did I say anything,” Lexa replies confused. “You didn’t…we didn’t even discuss it.”

“I know,” Clarke lets out guiltily. “I’m not taking my pills, I kind of...” Lexa’s eyes widen in surprise and Clarke quickly points out, “I forgot…it was unintentional but then I was thrilled about the risk of getting pregnant. It made me realize that I do want more babies too…I stopped taking my pills the last few days and I’m avoiding alcohol and try-”

“And you’re taking advantage of me to get pregnant,” Lexa quips happily interrupting Clarke then straddles her naked body.

“Kind of,” She agrees playfully letting her hands roam over Lexa who leans down and peckers her neck and chest with a few tender kisses.

“I’d love to start right now but I gotta go, I’m all alone today.”

“Right,” Clarke pouts remembering that Anya won’t be around to help Lexa which also means that the new annoyingly sexy assistant will be alone with _her_ wife.

“Don’t make this face, you know it’s hard for me to resist it. I can’t stay and you know it,” Lexa says looking down at her.

“It’s too early. Shower with me first and let’s have breakfast together then you’re free to go,” Clarke suggests both her eyes and hands wandering on Lexa’s skin.

“I love how you think,” Lexa grins before pulling Clarke out of bed and to the bathroom where they do more than just shower, they reconnect in ways they have not in a while.

**Later that day;  
Raven’s apartment; **

Raven can’t help worrying especially after seeing Anya’s car parked because it means she has spent the day looking for her and calling her while she was here back at home. It also means that her girlfriend is hiding something from her otherwise she would have at least texted her back.

Raven lets her stupid thoughts wander too far from reality using her deepest fears to toy with her.

She gets in her apartment tiptoeing and her heart stops for a second at the sight of Anya packing her bag. “Anya?” She lets out to get her attention. Anya turns back and smiles at her girlfriend then notices the worried look on her face, “Hey, are you ok?”

Raven stares at the bags first then meets Anya’s eyes, “Where are you going?”

“ _We_ are going somewhere,” Anya replies pulling Raven into her arms. “Don’t we deserve it?”

Raven feels like she can suddenly breathe, she chuckles nervously. “What? I…yeah we do but what about Lexa? I mean work?” Raven asks confused.

“Don’t worry, Lexa herself suggested it,” Anya replies looking down at Raven’s lips.

“I feel like I missed something?”

“Yes, you did,” Anya confirms before kissing Raven and when they part she adds, “Let me grab something which will make things clear.”

Raven looks down at the envelope in Anya’s hand. “What is this?”

“Check it,” Anya replies giddily.

Raven opens the envelope as fast as humanly possible, takes a look at the document then her eyes widen comically when she recognizes Lexa’s signature.

“Oh my God, she approved it.”

“Congratulations. We have the week off to celebrate,” Anya announces happily.

“A week? That’s….crazy!” Raven lets out astonished because whenever Lexa is back, she barely gets to see Anya and now she is telling her that she gave them both a week off.

“Where are we going?” She asks looking at the bag Anya was packing.

“Well, it’s a surprise,” Anya grins mischievously.

“Come on, An. How am I supposed to pack if I don’t know where we’re going?”

“It’s a surprise and I already packed for both of us, you just gotta hop on the jet an-”

“Jet? We’re flying?”

Anya nods then laughs at the little happy dance Raven is making then hears her adding, “I think I love Lexa more than you now.”

Anya rolls her eyes pulling Raven in her arms and kisses her soundly. She has been wanting to do it the whole day. A part of her is dreading Raven’s response to her proposal in case of a negative one, she doubts things will be the same after that.

Raven breaks the kiss tilting her head back and asks again, “When are we leaving?” Anya’s eyes flicker down to her lips.

“Tomorrow,” She whispers before smashing her lips back against her girlfriend’s taking all she can get before things change dramatically.

**_The next day;_ **

“I think I’ve been here once,” Raven lets out looking around thoughtfully, Anya simply smiles at her not wanting to remind her yet.

“It’s a cabin in the middle of nowhere, nothing uncommon.”

“And a lake where I can swim butt naked,” Raven quips before kissing Anya on her cheek, “It’s beautiful, I love it.”

Anya chuckles happily, she is relieved that Raven still likes the place even if she doesn’t exactly remember it.

“Let’s check the cabin first before wandering around naked,” Anya suggests walking towards the cabin’s entrance.

From the outside the place looked quite different for Anya but once she stepped inside the cabin she felt like no time has passed. The same old cheap furniture filling the cabin, the same excitement boiling up in her guts and the same smell of wood except that now it is bothering her because she is going to propose to her girlfriend in here and she wants it to be perfect.

Anya looks at Raven and her smile grows wider realizing that everything feels _better_ this time around. She has Raven. The girl she met ages ago in this same cabin, her first girl crush, her first summer crush, the girl of her dreams, her best friend and the woman she loves more than anyone in her life.

**_Summer 2002; The cabin;_ **

****

_Seventeen years old Anya had a big ego which didn’t allow her to beg, not even her own father let along Lexa’s to let his daughter and Finn spend a few days at her parents’ old cabin by the lake on their own. After so long negotiations, arguments and begging she finally got his permission and her father’s, and out of nowhere Finn shows up with Lexa of course and a plus one, uninvited plus one ready to ruin everything for them, which made Anya more than furious._

_“What’s this?” She lets out with venom eyeing the girl standing next to Finn._

_“What?” He asks genuinely confused._

_“This,” She points at the girl standing next to him._

_“Raven, nice to meet you,” The girl quickly replies with a smile but Anya doesn’t acknowledge her._

_“Oh, right! Raven this is Anya. Anya, meet my beautiful girlfriend Raven.”_

_“I know who she is,” She lets out dryly before continuing, “If dad or Gustus learn about her being here, we’re going back home.”_

_“They won’t, don’t worry,” Finn answers calmly._

_“Father will,” Lexa mutters shyly. “Gustus always knows,” She explains looking up at Finn who has his arm around her shoulder._

_“Come on how would he know if no one is going to tell him?” Finn asks with a goofy smile then squeezes Lexa with a side hug adding, “You’re not going to snitch on me, are you?”_

_“I’m not,” Lexa answers freeing herself from his arm._

_Anya gives Raven a death glare then she looks back at Finn and says, “If you screw this summer for me, you’re dead.”_

_Raven chuckles and is stopped by both Anya’s fierce look and Lexa’s eyes on her. “She is serious, Raven,” The younger girl says seriously._

_“Alright, she’s coming but she shares a bed with Lexa.”_

_“What? Why me?” The younger girl protests._

_“He’s your brother,” Anya adds._

_“Chill Alex, this ain’t gonna happen,” Finn tries to cheer his sister knowing that she is not comfortable with anyone, she loves her privacy._

_“Then, I’m calling both Gustus and Titus,” Anya threatens, Finn rolls his eyes at his friend’s uptightness. “Alright,” He finally gives up then looks at Lexa, “Sorry kiddo!”_

_Lexa doesn’t answer him and walks away angry and Raven feels unwelcomed but before she can say anything Finn reassures her, “Hey, don’t worry I’ll talk to her again.”_

_Raven sighs and forces a smile to her boyfriend not wanting to ruin their first holidays together._

_“It’s going to be interesting,” She simply comments and Finn corrects her, “Amazing, it’s going to be amazing.”_

_Anya did her best to give each one of them a task to clean the cabin so they can use it safely since it hadn’t been used for quite some time. She teamed with Finn just to keep him away from Raven knowing that if she didn’t, she would find them making out somewhere._

_By the end of the night, the cabin was looking and ‘smelling’ way better and welcoming than when they first stepped in it. After his wife’s death, Titus abandoned the cabin as it was a place loaded of memories and avoided it like plague until Anya insisted on going back to it._

_Raven did her best to not upset Anya further because she really wanted to spend a few days with her boyfriend so when it was finally bed time, she went to the room appointed for Lexa._

_She tiptoes her way into the room thinking that she will find her already asleep but then turns on the light for her._

_“You’re not asleep,” Raven lets out awkwardly._

_“I couldn’t…it’s not really comfortable,” Lexa lies, the bed was fine. She is so nervous about sharing the bed with someone else that she couldn’t fall asleep. Raven knew about her insecurities and she didn’t want to make it worse so she flashed her an understanding smile and walked to her bag to get on her pajamas._

_Lexa’s eyes widen comically in shock before she squeezes them shut unlike Raven who doesn’t mind undressing in her presence leaving only her panties on before putting her sleep shorts on and a large t-shirt. When she is done she notices that Lexa’s eyes are closed, she smiles at her shyness._

_“I’m descent,” Raven informs the younger girl whose cheeks are crimson red. She takes a blanket from the bed, drapes it on the floor then takes a pillow and lies down. It takes Lexa a moment to come back to her senses and suggest, “You can sleep here, it’s big enough.”_

_“It’s not fair that you get punished for Finn’s stupidity! I thought Anya was ok with me coming otherwise I wouldn’t have come where I’m not wanted,” Raven explains not wanting Lexa to think that she is avoiding to share a bed with her._

_“I want you,” Lexa replies innocently then notices Raven’s smirk and realizes what she just said, she adds flustered, “You’re wanted…I mean you’re not unwanted...Finn and I both want you here.” Lexa only makes it worse trying to make herself clear._

_“You’re a good friend.”_

_Raven smiles at her surprised by what she just said. She didn’t know Lexa considers her a friend, “Thank you, it’s good to know that I have you as a friend.” Lexa’s lips twitch in a discreet smile, she likes her brother’s girlfriend even if she feels lonely now that he spends much more time with his girlfriend than with her._

_“You’re cute when you get flustered.”_

_“Thank you,” Lexa whispers shyly not used to getting compliments let along from beautiful girls._

_“Good night, Lexa.”_

_“Good night, Raven.” Lexa answers with a sleepy voice._

_Unlike Lexa who fell asleep like a rock, Raven kept moving from one side to the other trying to find a comfortable position until she heard the cabin’s door closing. Thinking that it probably is Finn sneaking out for a cigarette, she rushes after him._

_Once outside under the moonlight she realizes it wasn’t her boyfriend that left the cabin but the girl who hates her guts, Anya. In order to feed her curiosity, Raven decides to follow the blonde girl and see what she is up to._

_Raven keeps her distance watching Anya getting comfortable by the lake for a moment before joining her._

_“Hey there!” She lets out softly to not startle the girl and irritate her further. Anya looks at her from head to toe eyeing her clothes or a lack thereof then looks away. She can’t help thinking that the brunette has obviously no complex and little care for her health since the air is rather cool by the lake at night._

_Seeing that Anya is not going to ask her to join, Raven sits next to her uninvited. She needs to have a serious talk with her boyfriend’s best friend, she doesn’t understand why Anya is so uptight. According to Anya’s unfriendly behavior with her, Raven couldn’t help thinking that the blonde may have deeper feelings than friendship ones for Finn._

_“You like him, don’t you?”_

_Anya looks at her with a confused frown and Raven adds questioningly, “Finn, you like him. That’s why you don’t want me here, right?”_

_Anya throws her head back laughing, she can’t believe what she just heard, “He’s like a brother to me.”_

_“Thank god, I thought we’re going to have a cat-fight over him.”_

_“Please, he’s not even my type.”_

_“Interesting,” Raven comments with a smirk before asking, “Then why do you hate me?”_

_“I hate everyone,” Anya answers casually._

_“You don’t,” Raven disagrees. “You’ve a soft spot for Lexa. I’m pretty sure you’re a softie under your badass demeanor.”_

_“It’s different, Finn and Lexa are family,” Anya replies._

_“I love him,” Raven confesses softly. “Finn is my family too. The only family I have and I’ll do anything for him.”_

_“Sappy,” Anya quips to lighten up the mood._

_“Don’t you dare tell him, he’s already smug,” Raven warns her. “He understands me more than anyone, we both grew up without a father figure and lost our moms at a young age. He knows what I need and vice versa.”_

_Raven’s confession makes Anya’s heart ache. She wonders how does the brunette has so much life and energy after having been through so much pain and loss. She decides to cut her some slack and see if she is worth her trust._

_“Then, he is lucky he found you,” Anya says with a soft smile, Raven doesn’t miss it. “You’ll find a girl worth your smile, don’t worry.”_

_“I’m straight,” Anya lets out firmly._

_“Oh, I thought guys are not your type?”_

_“What? No, just Finn,” Anya adds looking away hoping that the freaking moonlight doesn’t give up her blushing cheeks._

_“Sorry, you fooled me when you stared at my boobs.”_

_“There’s nothing to stare at, Reyes,” Anya fires standing up to leave._

_“So you admit you were staring since you noticed there’s nothing to stare at,” Raven teases the blonde who firmly denies, “I didn’t.”_

_“You totally did,” Raven insists following her._

_“You’re insufferable.”_

_“I’m learning from the best,” Raven replies in a beat walking backwards and on Anya’s way._

_Anya rolls her eyes with a smile on her lips, she is amused by the girl’s persona. Now she can see why Finn loves her, the girl is exactly what he needs. What they all need in their lives, someone who loves life and is full of positivity._

_“I feel like you already love me,” Raven says happily._

_“We’re not there yet, believe me,” Anya lets out doing her best to keep a serious face which the brunette quickly defeats it. “At least you hate me less, pretty face.”_

_“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”_

**************

“Oh my god, I told you this place looks familiar,” Raven lets out making Anya’s lips twitch in a smile but it vanishes as fast as it appeared when she hears, “It’s where I lost my virginity.”

“Way to ruin the mood, Reyes,” Anya rolls her eyes, some things never change.

“Sorry!” Raven chuckles softly. “But you’re one to blame here. You brought me to a place where I had my first time.”

Anya smiles at her girlfriend but doesn’t remind her that it is also the place where they first met and bonded. First she fists her shirt and pulls her in for a kiss to shut her up then says, “I brought you here to fuck your brains out.”

“You mean make sweet love to me, this place is too romantic,” Raven corrects looking around then back at her with a bright smile. “It’s perfect, exactly what we need.”

Anya kisses Raven once again, she is glad to see a smile on her girlfriend’s face and know that she likes the place. They both deserve to have a few days for themselves and together as they have been putting their work before their relationship for so long now.

Anya knows that no other partner man or woman would have been patient and supported her career like Raven did. She is grateful for having her as a best friend and a girlfriend. She knows for sure that no one can ever love her and care for her as much as Raven does.

Raven deserves the best and she is willing to do everything in her power to make her happy. She just hopes that Raven will say _‘yes’_ because she doubts she can handle a negative answer for her proposal. At the thought, Anya freaks out and keeps questioning herself while Raven is already changing into her bikini to enjoy the lake.

 _‘What if she says no? Oh my god, I haven’t thought about it.’_ Anya freaks out rushing to the bedroom where she checks her handbag and takes the ring’s box to hide it somewhere Raven won’t see it.

“I’m going to check the water’s temperature,” Raven warns leaving Anya alone in the cabin where she starts pacing, trying to find the right place for the engagement ring in case she won’t have the guts to propose. She can’t help thinking, _‘Raven is not the marrying type, she told me we won’t have babies….she never talked about marriage, not once since we started dating…four years…oh my god.’_

Anya picks up her phone nervously fidgeting with it, she feels the need to talk to someone who can reassure her. In any other day that would be Raven’s role but today it is about her so Anya is not thrilled to share her worries. It takes her a moment before she finally decides to call Lexa.

She dives right into the conversation asking her best friend the question that has been troubling her for a few minutes but what felt like hours, “Do you think Raven is going to say yes?”

“Of course,” Lexa replies confidently.

“Have you ever heard her talking about marriage?”

“Wow, you’re rea-” Lexa is about to answer when Anya interrupts her once again,, “Lexa, did you?”

“No but she-”

“Oh my god, she is going to say no,” Anya lets out nervously pacing through the cabin.

“Anya, chill out. Raven is crazy in love with you. She’ll say yes,” Lexa says loudly and in a beat this time to calm her friend down.

“What if she doesn’t?” Anya whispers worried.

“She won’t because _SHE_ **.** _LOVES_ **.** _YOU._ ”

Anya takes a deep breath letting Lexa’s words sink as if she just heard them for the first time in her life. Lexa practically yelled at her for her to finally understand that there is no way Raven is going to say no.

“Do you think she loves me like she loved Finn?” The question comes out of her mouth before she can stop it leaving Lexa speechless for a moment before she realizes that her silence is going to mislead Anya.

“An, what Raven had with Finn was different because he was the first and the only person who showed her that she matters, who really loved her that’s all...now things are different, your relationship is different too.”

“I love her,” Anya whispers shyly.

“I know, An. Raven loves you too. She did everything she could to get with you when you were in the closet so I doubt she says no.”

A soft giggle escapes Anya’s lips, Lexa is right, “God, I was so stupid.” Lexa chuckles along with her then adds, “It’s about time you make things right.”

“It is,” Anya sighs.

“Then go put a ring on her finger and don’t call back until you’ve done it.”

“Alright,” Anya replies feeling more confident and way better now that she has talked with her best friend.

After her talk with Lexa, Anya put her swimsuit and joined Raven who was taking full advantage of her week off already. She spent some time with her before going back inside where she cooks dinner and set the table doing her best to make it look as romantic as possible.

Raven’s eyes widen as she steps in the cabin, “Wow, it’s…..damn it smells good.”

Anya turns around a smile plastered on her face, she stares at her girlfriend walking in her direction taking in her beauty. Raven takes a look over Anya’s shoulders to see what is smelling so good and says, “I was expecting sandwiches, I see you’ve planned everything.” She pecks her lips. “You’re spoiling me.”

“You deserve much more,” Anya smiles against her girlfriend’s lips.

“Thank you,” Raven whispers leaning to kiss her again but Anya moves away. “Go shower first so we can have dinner.”

***

During dinner, Anya barely touches her plate feeling too nervous to eat anything. She wanted to propose while they were having dinner but restrained not wanting to interrupt Raven who was happily talking about her newly approved project. Then, they spent the rest of the evening sprawled out on the couch enjoying each other’s presence _– lazily making out_ – until Anya abruptly stops Raven whose hand was moving up between her thighs.

“Wait, I want to show you something before we get to that,” Anya lets out nervously. Raven hums against her skin but doesn’t stop kissing her neck moving down to her chest.

“Raven, please,” Anya shudders at the feeling of Raven’s body pressing hard against her. She doesn’t want to be distracted anymore from doing what she came to do.

Raven pecks her chest then looks up at her and asks, “Does it require leaving this couch?”

Anya smiles at her and nods. “Yeah but not for too long,” She promises hoping for Raven to follow her now that she gathered enough strength to do it. She doesn’t want to leave it for later because she is everything but enjoying her stay being too nervous.

“Alright, you’re lucky I love you,” Raven comments before moving away from Anya who goes to the bedroom to put something warmer. When she comes back she looks at Raven and smiles, “It’s outdoors, so you need to put something warmer.”

“I’m on fire, let’s go.”

Anya chuckles as she knows what Raven is talking about, she would be as turned on as her if she didn’t have something in mind making her impossibly nervous.

“I’ll make it up to you once we’re back, I promise.” She takes her hand and laces their fingers together and seals her promise with a kiss before taking a deep breath trying to steady her racing heart.

Raven walks next to her talking about how silent and creepy the place looks and that they better not stay outside for too long but Anya keeps silent until they get to the same place where long ago they had their first heart to heart conversation.

Raven is looking around checking that they are alone when she hears Anya saying, “I brought you here because this place means a lot to me.” She looks back at Anya a bit surprised at her sudden confession, “Oh…I remember it.”

Anya flashes her a nervous smile taking a steadying breath to calm her racing heartbeat and Raven adds, “You were such a bitch to me.”

Anya chuckles laying out a blanket so they can sit and Raven moves to the other end to help her. She tugs the fabric of the blanket then settles in between Anya’s legs and pulls the blanket around them.

“That was before I got to know you.”

“Would you have given me a chance if I hadn’t follow you?” Raven asks relaxing further into her girlfriend’s arms.

“Of course,” Anya pauses to kiss her cheek then continues in a whisper, “You’re the love of my life.” Raven freezes not knowing what to say, she is used to Anya telling her ‘ _I love you’s’_ but she never told her that she is the love of her life.

She takes a moment and allows the words to sink in before replying almost in a whisper, “And you are mine.”

Anya’s eyes fill with tears, she was expecting Raven to joke about it not hearing her reciprocate. They fall into a comfortable silence and Anya feels like the ring is burning a hole through her pocket since Raven just wiped away all her doubts and worries.

Raven is staring at the moon when Anya takes the ring box out of her pocket and wraps her arm back around her.

“What is it?” She asks not being able to see what is in her girlfriend’s hand.

“Open it,” Anya whispers barely able to use her voice. Raven squeezes her eyes shut then opens them so she can see what Anya is asking her to open, once her vision was clear the sight of the little box leaves her speechless.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Anya whispers against her hair then continues proposing but Raven is too shook to hear the rest. She turns to face her eyes filled with tears and instead of answering Anya’s proposal she smashes her lips against hers in a sloppy kiss. It takes Anya by surprise but she quickly catches up deepening the kiss.

“Is it a yes?” Anya asks confused.

“Yes….yes, a thousand time yes,” Raven lets out happily before pushing her backward to lie down and kisses her again. Anya smiles happily against her lips, she finally did it after so long. She can’t believe Raven said yes, she can’t believe she is now her fiancé and not just her girlfriend.

This time it is Raven who stops blurts out, “Wait!” Anya’s heart misses a beat but quickly the brunette adds, “Give me my ring first. I want to make out with my _fiancé._ ”

Anya chuckles nodding, “Of course.” She opens the box, takes the ring out then puts it on Raven’s ring finger.

“Now kiss me,” She orders after a moment giving the brunette some time to stare at her engagement ring. They end up passionately making out forgetting about their surrounding and fail to notice that they are no longer alone.

“Damn, that’s hot,” A voice startles the lovers. Raven looks up and finds two teenage boys shamelessly staring at them.

“Don’t mind us, carry on,” The other guy adds with a smirk and Anya rolls her eyes.

“Cunt-blockers,” Raven spits annoyed and takes Anya’s hand helping her to stand up.

“We certainly are not alone,” Anya comments following Raven back to the cabin. As soon as they walk into the cabin, she notices Raven wiping her tears and her heart aches.

“Hey, Raven,” She cradles her face trying to meet her eyes, Raven forces a smile blinking her tears away.

“What’s wrong? If you don’t want it….it’s fine, I’m fine with being just your girlfriend…as long as we’re together, right?” Anya starts rambling nervously then Raven shakes her head.

“It’s happy tears….I’m happy. I just….” She takes a deep breath to calm her tears before continuing, “I’ve wanted to do it long ago. But I was afraid **_you_** wouldn’t want to marry, then I went and asked your father his blessing because I know you care for such things. I know he is important to you, but he didn’t even let me finish my question so…I just didn’t do it.”

“I didn’t want to lose you, I didn’t want you to choose between the two of us…I was afraid you’d choose him,” Raven whispers the last part.

Anya takes Raven’s hand, brings their bodies closer and wraps her arms around her confessing, “I doubt I can choose. I love you, so much and I love him…he’s my father but if he doesn’t realize how much you mean to me,” She shrugs adding, “It’s his loss.”

“Thank you,” Raven whispers against Anya’s lips before kissing her.

****

**_A week later;_ **

Days went like a blur for Lexa at work, she did her best to balance things in order to go back to France in time with her family but it was impossible. The only thing that kept her going is the fact Clarke was committed to prep her body for the pregnancy which means once she is back home they will try again to have another baby.

Clarke in the other hand felt lonely and was apprehensive about going back home without Lexa. Knowing that she would have to take care of Masha while going back to work is what scared Clarke the most because she never really have done it before except for two or three days and at that time she was not working on a clinical trial.

It goes without saying that she was jealous because she was leaving Lexa alone with Echo as Anya and Raven decided to extend their vacancy.

****

**_Video call…_ **

“Hey babe,” Lexa lets out as soon as Clarke appears on her screen. She waits for her to settle comfortably before adding, _“Comment vont mes amours?”_ (How are my loves?)

 _“Bien, et toi?”_ (Good, and you?) Clarke replies forcing a smile which does not fool Lexa.

 _“Maintenant, je vais bien,”_ (Now, I’m ok,) Lexa says then notices that Clarke is neither at the hospital nor at home. _“T’es où?”_ (Where are you?)

 _“Chez maman,”_ (At mom’s,) Clarke replies and before Lexa can comment anything she adds, _“On n'arrive pas à rester à la maison sans toi._ _Je n’y arrive pas, Lexa.”_ (We can’t stay home without you. I cannot do it, Lexa.)

Lexa keeps silent, she can see and hear the desperation in Clarke’s voice. She wants to comfort her but she knows they will end up arguing which will only make them feel worse than they are already feeling.

Clarke blinks the unshed tears and hopes Lexa cannot see them before then breaks the silence. _“Quand est ce que tu rentre?”_ (When are you coming back?)

She doesn’t want Lexa to know that she is in a bad mood because she got her period, she couldn’t help expecting something else even if she knew the chances to get pregnant right away were slim to none.

 _“Je ne peux pas te dire, il reste beaucoup à faire.”_ (I can’t tell, there’s still a lot to do.)

 _“Une semaine?”_ (A week?) Clarke insists wanting to know how long she has to wait and Lexa feels her heart tightening.

 _“Je dirais deux,"_ (I’d say two,) Lexa corrects warily and Clarke looks away from her screen feeling disappointed and says, “I’ll go get Masha, she misses you.”

“Yes, please,” Lexa lets out thinking that talking to her daughter would help break the tension and awkward silence between her and Clarke for a brief moment. When Masha finally appears on the screen, Lexa feels her heart aching realizing how bad she misses her. She spends a moment talking with her but Clarke keeps silent avoiding to participate in their interaction as much as possible.

Masha makes things even harder for Lexa asking her, _“T'es où mommy?”_ (Where are you mommy?)

 _“Mommy est trés loin, ma puce,”_ (Mommy is far away, sweetie,) Clarke replies her daughter on Lexa’s behalf surprising her.

Lexa smiles apologetically not knowing what to add and changes the topic trying to get Clarke to talk to her instead, “How is work?” But before Clarke gets the chance to answer her, Masha starts crying.

Clarke does her best to calm her daughter but to no avail, Masha seems inconsolable even when Lexa tries to comfort her. Fortunately, Abby comes to the rescue and takes her granddaughter leaving Clarke alone staring at her screen.

“I’m sorry you’ve to go through all of this alone, Clarke. I promise I’ll do my best to be back earlier…I think we can make it,” Lexa says trying to reassure her wife. “Echo is doing an amazing job, I trust we may finish everyth-”

“We?” Clarke blurts out confused but quickly catches up remembering that Echo speaks perfectly French which means Lexa hired her to work with her back in France not to work in the US. “Oh….sorry I’m a bit…I need to put Masha to bed. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Love you,” Lexa breathes out before Clarke ends the call abruptly without reciprocating.

The following days things get complicated, Masha sulks over her mommy and refuses to even talk to her making the calls tenser, which eventually pushes Lexa to avoid the video calls altogether giving both Clarke and Masha some space. She limits it to daily text updates to check on them and a phone call each other day while spending her days and nights in the office.

The last phone call she makes before getting in the plane to finally go back home, she tells Clarke that Echo will be staying in their guest room for a few days until she finds an apartment which irritates Clarke to no end.

Truth be told, she was not only jealous of Echo but she was disappointed because she had something planned for Lexa’s return and she wanted to be alone with her wife and their daughter. She painted a big _‘Welcome home Mommy’_ banner with Masha and was going to inform her that she quit the clinical trial so she could have more time for them.

Once finally home, Lexa’s heart melts at the sight of what her wife and daughter prepared for her. The second she steps in the living-room Masha rushes into her, she hoists her up in her arms and kisses her enjoying the familiar smell of her daughter’s baby shampoo that she missed so much.

 _“Donne moi ta main,”_ (Give me your hand,) Lexa asks her daughter pursing her lips then Masha chuckles happily as her mommy kisses her hand. When Clarke walks in the living-room she doesn’t miss the way Echo smiles while watching Lexa interacting with Masha, she does her best to hide her jealousy and greets her wife.

“Welcome back home,” She breathes out against the crook of Lexa’s neck. She takes a moment to enjoy the soothing embrace of her wife then tilts her head back and kisses her. It’s brief and too light for Lexa’s taste but she doesn’t push it, she knows Clarke is angry at her for bringing Echo to stay at their place.

Clarke greets Echo then shows her the guest room before going back to the kitchen where Lexa is having dinner with Masha on her lap playing with her hair. As soon as the little girl notices Clarke, she climbs on Lexa’s lap and hugs her.

Lexa looks down at her daughter startled and when she hears Clarke’s footsteps behind her, she laughs understanding Masha’s behavior. “Bed time?” She asks and Clarke smiles tiredly in confirmation, “It’s past her bed time, I didn’t want her to go to bed without seeing you.”

 _“Z’veux dormir avec mommy,”_ (I wanna sleep with mommy,) Masha whines against her mommy’s chest. Lexa feels her heart aching, her daughter misses her and doesn’t want to leave her side. She looks at Clarke waiting for her answer and she simply receives a shoulders’ shrug.

 _“D'accord mais seulement pour ce soir, Masha,"_ (Alright but only for tonight, Masha,) Lexa says caressing her daughter’s head to get her attention. Instead of looking at Lexa, Masha looks at her mama who smiles at her.

 _“Merci,”_ (Thank you,) She murmurs shyly.

 _“As-tu besoin de quelque chose?"_ (Do you need anything?)

Lexa extends her hand for Clarke to take then pulls her closer. _“J’ai juste besoin de toi,”_ (I just need you,) She answers before wrapping her arm around Clarke who feels her anger already dissipating into Lexa’s embrace.

 _“On a besoin de toi aussi,”_ (We need you too,) She replies cupping Lexa’s cheek in the palm of her hand. Lexa always knows how to dismantle her without any effort, it just comes to her naturally.

Echo walks in interrupting the intimate moment and Lexa doesn’t miss the way Clarke looks at her before leaving them alone.

She goes to her bedroom, puts on her pajamas and gets comfortable in bed with a book in her hands to keep her mind off thinking too much about Echo. She has been jealous but it was when they were first back together, it didn’t happen in a while and this time it hit her hard.

Not only Echo spends more time with Lexa than her and Masha combined but she also gets her attention and care, and this is what fuels her jealousy. She knows how her wife is caring, charming, and hot which makes her easily loveable. And she doesn’t want anyone to know her or love her the way she does.

Lexa steps into her room knowing well that she needs to have a talk with her wife before things go back to normal because the last few weeks have been a toll on her and their last conversation just before she boarded was not one of the greatest. However, Clarke seems not interested in doing it tonight hiding behind a book.

 _“Mommy va prendre une douche et je reviens, ok?”_ (Mommy is going to take a shower and come back, alright?) Lexa says putting Masha on her bed next to Clarke.

Masha nods eyes drooping and moves under the sheets, Lexa smiles at her daughter then leaves a kiss on her forehead before going to the bathroom where she notices a fertility test in the trashcan.

“Fuck!” She breathes out realizing that Clarke is ovulating and she may have ruined their chance to conceive a baby, which explains Clarke’s shitty mood. She takes a deep breath and decides to make her move at least to make Clarke stop the silent treatment she is giving her.

However, when she finishes showering and gets back to the room Clarke doesn’t pay her too much attention and keeps reading the book in her hands. Lexa lulls Masha to sleep then when she is about to take her to her room, Clarke stops her. _“Laisse la, tu lui a beaucoup manqué.”_ (Let her, she missed you a lot.)

 _“Elle dort!”_ (She’s asleep) Lexa points out wanting to be alone with Clarke without Masha sleeping between them.

 _“Tu lui a promis, Lexa,”_ (You promised her, Lexa,) Clarke warns her finally closing the book in her hands then sinks further under the sheets but Lexa is adamant, she moves Masha a little and gets in between them. _“Je te veux dans mes bras aussi.”_ (I want you in my arms too.) Clarke flips on her side so she is facing Lexa and kisses her lazily.

The kiss is too soft for Lexa’s taste who is craving to feel her wife’s lips and body against her. She deepens the kiss pushing Clarke on her back and moves on top of her, instantly she feels both Clarke’s arms and legs around her pulling her completely down.

Clarke needs to feel the weight of her wife’s body, she needs her so she allows herself to forget about their argument just for a moment. She missed feeling Lexa and she could not resist her groping hands even less the warmth of her tongue. They make out for a brief moment before Clarke stops her wife, _“Lexa, attend….on ne peux pas.”_ (Lexa, wait…..we can’t.)

In the midst of her arousal and wishes, Lexa is taken aback by her wife’s words and all she could think of is that Clarke doesn’t want to have a baby anymore.

 _“Tu veux toujours avoir un bébé?”_ (You still want to have a baby?)

 _“Quoi?”_ (What?) Clarke lets out confused then notices Lexa’s face and quickly adds to reassure her, _“Si, biensûr que je le veux…mais on n’est-”_ (Yes, of course I want it…but we’re not-) She tries to explain but Lexa interrupts.

 _“Alors pourquoi tu ne m'avais pas dit que t'es en plein période d'ovulation?”_ (So why didn’t you tell me that you’re ovulating?) Lexa asks almost in a whisper feeling her throat tightening.

This time, it’s Clarke who is taken aback by Lexa’s words and the look in her eyes. She didn’t mean to hide it from her, she wanted to tell her but things happened and her plans fell through.

 _“J'ai prévue toute une soirée romantique mais les choses…"_ (I’ve planned a romantic night but…) Clarke stops not knowing how to explain herself without bringing back their argument to the surface and she doesn’t want to do that, she has had enough of it the last few days.

 _“Mais t’es faché,”_ (but you're angry,) Lexa finishes for her and Clarke shakes her head alarmed, she doesn’t want Lexa to think that she is angry at her because she knows it was only her stupid jealousy acting up. _“Je ne suis pas faché, c'est juste que je ne suis pas la seule à qui tu as beaucoup manqué.”_ (I'm not angry, it's just that I'm not the only one who missed you a lot.)

 _“On ne peux rien faire avec Masha ici,”_ (We can't do anything with Masha here,) She adds caressing Lexa’s cheek softly.

Lexa looks at her silently not so much convinced that it is not only about Masha, she knows Clarke is jealous but she doesn’t understand why.

 _“C'est Echo, n'est-ce pas?”_ (It’s about Echo, isn’t it?)

As much as it is flattering, she doesn’t want Clarke to be jealous, she doesn’t want her to feel threatened by anyone. She wants her to be confident about what she means to her and how much she loves her.

 _“Je t’aime,”_ (I love you,) Clarke justifies poorly and Lexa could see the blush on her cheeks and it melts her heart. She leans down and whispers in between kisses, _“T'es ma femme…la seule qui m'intéresse…la seule que j’aime et la seule dans mes yeux.”_ (You're my wife…the only one I'm interested in…the only one I love and the only one I see.)

 _“Serre moi fort,”_ (Hold me tight,) Clarke demands as Lexa lies back in bed. She needs to feel her comforting hold as a reminder that her wife _– her home –_ is back and that she is not alone, not anymore.

 _“Reste à la maison demain,”_ (Stay home tomorrow,) Lexa begs and Clarke surprises her answering, _“Je me suis retiré de l’essaie Clinique.”_ (I left the clinical trial.)

 _“T’as quoi?”_ (You what?)

 _“J'ai d'autres priorités maintenant,”_ (I’ve other priorities now,) Clarke adds with a grin.

 _"C’est génial…mais attend! T’es sûre de toi?"_ (It's awesome…but wait! Are you sure?

 _"Oui."_ (Yes.)

Lexa kisses Clarke on her hair glad to know that she still wants to have a baby. She closes her eyes and drifts off alseep with a smile on her face, she can’t be any happier right now with the two most important persons in her life at her side.

The next morning when Lexa woke up and realized that Clarke was gone, she was a little bit disappointed. Before drifting asleep she heard something about a surgery that she has to do but she wasn’t expecting it to be so early in the morning.

Fortunately, Lexa didn’t wake up in bed alone. She had the sweetest and most adorable sleepy face next to her. Seeing that it was too early to start the day, she closes her eyes and falls back asleep and only wakes up later with the feeling of someone touching her face.

The first thing she sees is blue eyes staring at her then notices Masha with her thumb in her mouth and a lazy smile on her face.

 _“Bonjour mommy,”_ (Good morning mommy,) Masha mumbles against her thumb and Lexa feels her heart melt. All she can do is smile at her daughter; never in her life did she ever think she would be blessed with this. A daughter, a part of her, a human being who loves her unconditionally and looks at her like she is a hero.

Lexa squeezes Masha into her arms and kisses her good morning, Masha chuckles like she always does whenever her mommy kisses her nose then reciprocates by putting her little hands on Lexa’s cheeks and leans up pushing her lips on Lexa’s nose.

 _“Bonjour ma puce,”_ (Morning sweetheart,) Lexa whispers, _“…ma jolie princesse, tu veux quoi pour le petit déj?”_ (…my pretty princess, what do you want for breakfast?)

Masha doesn’t really pay attention to what her mother is asking her, she is apparently focused with rediscovering her face and hair. Lexa closes her eyes and enjoys her daughter’s ticklish tiny hand for a few seconds. Lazy mornings and moments like these don’t happen as often as Lexa wants and as much as Masha needs.

 _“Mommy,”_ Masha stops and lets out with a worried voice thinking that her mommy fell back asleep, Lexa’s eyes flutter open and a smile instantly appears on Masha.

 _“Je suis là, ma puce,”_ (I’m here, sweetheart,) Lexa reassures her daughter then asks her again, _“Tu veux quoi pour le petit déj?_ _Des céréals? Des crêpes?"_ (What do you want for breakfast? Cereals? Crepes?)

 _“Chocolat, une glace chocolat,”_ (Chocolate, a chocolate ice-cream,) Masha replies flashing her mommy a toothy smile.

“Ice-cream?” Lexa lets out dramatically, Masha laughs nodding.

 _“Mama t'as donné des glaces au petit déj quand je n’étais pas là?”_ (Mama gave you ice cream at breakfast when I wasn’t here?) Masha nods again and Lexa squints her eyes. _"D'accord, tu auras une glace mais pas au petit déj."_ (Alright, you’ll have ice-cream but not at breakfast.)

Masha smiles at her mommy then drapes her little arm to hug her. Lexa is overwhelmed by her daughter’s tenderness and love. She can’t help chuckling, her three years old daughter already knows how to butter her up for anything she wants.

_She is her weakness._

Lexa gets up and takes her daughter to the bathroom for her morning routine. Her favorite part is smoothing her daughter’s curls, they remind her a lot of Clarke’s hair. The only difference is that Masha’s curls are thicker and a shade darker than Clarke’s when she first met her. Once she was done with her hair, Lexa leaned down and kissed Masha’s nape making her giggle.

Masha turns and looks up at her mother. _“Je fait tes cheveux?”_ (I do your hair?)

 _“Tu veux brosser mes cheveux?”_ (You want to brush my hair?)

 _"Oui,"_ (Yes,) Masha replies tugging Lexa’s hand to make her sit so she can reach her hair.

 _“Fait le doucement,”_ (Do it gently,) Lexa instructs taking her daughter’s place then gives her the brush and picks her up on her lap.

Masha focuses plainly on her task muttering to herself, _“Doucement,”_ (Gently,) or _“Comme ça,”_ (Like that,) with each brush. It takes Lexa all of her strength to resist pinching her daughter’s squishy face and showering her with kisses in order to not stop her from what she is doing knowing that she is enjoying herself.

Fortunately, Masha’s little arms tire easily as she puts the brush then gives Lexa’s hair one last stroke with her hands before kissing her.

 _“Merci mon petit coeur,”_ (Thank you sweetheart,) Lexa beams kissing her daughter back then adds, _“Maintenant le petit-dé.j”_ (Now, breakfast time.)

 _“Une glace, z’veux une glace au chocolat,”_ (Ice-cream, I want a chocolat ice-cream,) Masha shouts excitedly surprising Lexa who stops on her tracks and looks at her daughter seriously, _“Masha, tu aura une glace mais pas au petit-déjt.”_ (Masha, you’ll have an ice-cream but not at breakfast.)

 _“Z’veux une glace au chocolat,”_ (I want chocolat ice-cream,) Masha pouts disappointed.

 _"Tu en aura quand mama rentre à la maison, ok?"_ (You’ll have it when mama comes back home, ok?)

Masha nods and Lexa is relieved that her daughter is satisfied with her answer, she doesn’t want her daughter to have ice-cream instead of breakfast but at the same time she doesn’t have it in her to be too strict with her.

As they are having breakfast, Echo walks in the kitchen all dressed up and ready for a day of work apparently.

“Good morning,” She lets out softly to not startle them.

Lexa turns and gives her a polite smile, “Good morning.”

Echo kneels next to Masha’s high chair and greets Masha with a little voice, “Bonjour, Masha.” Lexa smiles at her daughter’s shyness and excuses her silence, “She is a bit shy with strangers.”

 _“Elle est adorable.”_ (She’s adorable.)

 _"Merci,"_ (Thank you,) Lexa replies glancing at her daughter once again with a smile on her face then asks, "Do you want to join us or you’re going out?”

“Oh no, I need coffee to fully wake up first.”

“Was the bed uncomfortable?” Lexa asks worried.

“No, it was comfy. I guess it’s an adjustment insomnia.”

“Alright, feel free to go back to bed. We’re not starting work today,” Lexa reassures her guest.

“Ow, ok,” Echo lets out awkwardly then adds gesturing at her outfit, “I thought we’re starting today.”

“I can see that,” Lexa comments studying her outfit, Echo is wearing a pencil skirt with a rather respectable length this time comparing to the ones she wore during her first week.

“We’ll start next week. It gives you plenty of time to get acquainted with the city again if you want.”

“I’d love that,” Echo blushes misunderstanding her suggestion.

Lexa pours her a cup of coffee then focuses back with Masha, she feels like the more her daughter grows up and interacts with her the more she misses her when leaving home. So she makes sure to give her all the time and attention she can once she is back.

**********

After taking breakfast, Echo changes into more comfortable clothes then goes back to the living-room where she tries to get Masha to talk to her with Lexa’s help.

If looks could kill, Echo would have dropped dead the second Clarke walked in and laid eyes on her whilst she was trying to pick Masha from Lexa’s arms. The proximity did irk Clarke but what made it worse was seeing her little angel in Echo’s arms. This woman is not only trying to flirt with her wife but she is also trying to win her daughter’s love, which is more than Clarke can handle.

“Hi there,” Lexa greets her wife then leans and places a welcoming kiss on her cheek. Echo smiles at her to ease the feral looks she is giving her but Clarke doesn’t fall for it.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asks as she takes Masha from Echo’s hands.

“Nothing really,” Lexa replies innocently not aware that the question was not for her.

“Lexa suggested to show me the city.”

Clarke looks at Lexa and raises her eyebrow questioningly. As if it was not enough to be a workaholic and spend the whole day with Echo, now she is even suggesting to hang out with her in her free time.

“That’s not what I meant,” Lexa quickly replies more to Clarke than to Echo, “I said you _can_ explore the city, you have until next week before we go back to work.”

“Oh, I misunderstood. Thank you for the coffee,” Echo tries to save herself from further embarrassment then adds, “Alright, I gotta go.”

Both Clarke and Lexa keep silent not knowing what to answer. Lexa was feeling bad for dryly correcting Echo, she didn’t fail to notice the woman’s embarrassment.

“That’s nice,” Clarke blurts out and Lexa frowns confused “What is?”

“I’m now interrupting your plans with her,” Clarke continues feeling her nerves boiling up.

“We…I didn’t plan anything, Clarke,” Lexa lets out, “She misunderstood, that’s all.”

“Yeah, right,” Clarke says before putting Masha on the couch and leaves to the bedroom. Lexa puts her daughter down next to her toys and pats her head, _“Je reviens ma puce.”_ (I’ll be back sweetheart.)

She rushes after her wife not understanding her reaction. Clarke knows how much she loves her, she shouldn’t feel jealous not even a bit.

“Clarke!” She lets out once she gets in their bedroom hoping to get her wife’s attention but Clarke won’t look at her so Lexa walks to her and wraps her arms around her.

“I’m sorry,” She whispers against Clarke’s shoulder from behind. “I shouldn’t have brought her here.”

Clarke freezes at her words feeling a little bit embarrassed for over reacting. She was jealous since the first day she met Echo in Lexa’s office but never admitted it, not even to herself and now both Lexa and Echo are aware of it.

“I love **you,** ” Lexa adds to remind her and it is all it takes for Clarke to let everything out. She turns and looks at Lexa eyes filled with tears, “I’m jealous, Lexa…I am, I didn’t feel like I was but I am...and you made it worse by bringing her here, in _our_ home….for fuck’s sake she was playing with Masha, my Masha…our daughter and you planned to go out together like...while I wasn’t home.”

“No, that’s not…Clarke, look at me,” Lexa cuts in shaking her head, she cups Clarke’s face to get her attention then continues slowly, “that’s not what it is. I wasn’t going out with her, she misunderstood and...I was…we, me and Masha were waiting for you to come back home and I suggested for her to go out around the city, that’s all.”

A ghost of a smile appears on Clarke’s face but it doesn’t eclipse away the pain in her eyes and Lexa feels her heart constricting knowing too well how sometimes jealousy is hard to overcome. She pulls Clarke into her arms reassuringly, pecks her lips and whispers, “I will make sure to find her a place the soonest, I promise.”

“It’s not-” Clarke tries to reply but Lexa quickly adds, “I don’t see her, Clarke…that’s why I didn’t think you wouldn’t approve of bringing her. I only see _you._ ”

This time Clarke’s smile is more genuine and it warms Lexa’s heart. She smiles back at her and says jokingly, “I can’t believe you are jealous because she was playing with Masha and not because you love me and don’t wan-”

Clarke interrupts her slapping her playfully, Lexa chuckles continuing, “I swear Masha loves you more…you don’t have to be jealous.”

Clarke blushes giggling along with Lexa who tightens her hold around her waist and kisses her. She will never forget how hard it was for her to see Clarke in someone else’s arms, she never told her how jealous she got whenever Finn touched or even looked at her.

“Lexa?” Clarke tries to get her wife’s attention back seeing that she is lost in her thoughts and Lexa blurts out, “Watching Finn’s hands all over you was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“Oh,” Clarke is taken aback, she hasn’t thought about what she had with him for a _long_ time. In fact, she only thought about it when her and Lexa started dating again. She couldn’t _not_ notice the difference between what she used to have with Finn and what she had with Lexa.

However, it wasn’t intentional. She wasn’t trying to compare her relationship with Lexa to her previous one but she was amazed by the depth of her feelings and the strong connection she had with Lexa. It was nothing like what she had with Finn.

Lexa knew her better despite their time apart. Lexa understood her in ways Finn never did. Lexa loved her like no one never did nor ever will and she was sure of it. Lexa was a careful lover who gave her all without reservation. Lexa always made her feel special.

“So you get how it feels to watch someone getting your attention. It’s…frustrating.”

“I do,” Lexa replies. _‘More than you can ever know,’_ She thinks kissing her lips like her life depended on it. Clarke presses back as eagerly missing the softness and fullness of Lexa’s lips.

A squeal escapes her lips when Lexa pushes her on the bed, she wraps her arms around her neck and pulls her down with her without parting. What started like a comforting loving kiss turns into a make-out until Lexa interrupts it hearing a familiar light knocking on the door.

 _“Mommy, mama…au chocolat?”_ (Mommy…mama….chocolate?) Masha’s small blabbering voice is heard, Clarke chuckles asking, “Is she asking for ice-cream?”

“My fault, I promised her that she’ll get some once you’re home,” Lexa replies her eyes on Clarke’s lips then leans and pecks them one last time before pulling her back up on a sitting position and opens the door for her daughter to let her in.

Masha looks up at her mommy with big eyes and repeats pointing at Clarke’s direction, _“Mama est là.”_ (Mama is here.)

Lexa smiles at her adorable daughter, _“Il faut demander la permission à mama.”_ (You have to ask permission from mama.)

Masha rushes to her mama’s side but keeps silent waiting for her to agree, Clarke does her best to keep a straight face and not smile at her daughter. Masha doesn’t need to know that she can’t resist her anything otherwise her parenting is screwed.

 _“T’as pris ton petit-déj?”_ (Did you take your breakie?) She asks seriously whilst Lexa is trying to keep her giggles silent.

Masha nods and looks at her mom expectedly waiting for her to finally consent on having ice-cream but Clarke keeps silent. Instead it is Lexa who advocates her daughter’s request adding, _“Elle m’a aider à brosser mes cheveux.”_ (She helped me brush my hair.)

Clarke looks down at her daughter and asks, _“C’est vrais?”_ (Is it true?) Masha nods again with a toothy proud smile.

 _“D’accord, laisse moi prendre une douche rapidement après on sort prendre des glaces.”_ (Alright, let me quickly shower then we go out for ice-cream.)

Masha jumps happily before Lexa interrupts her, _“On dit quoi?”_ (What do we say?)

 _“Merci mama,”_ (Thanks mama,) Masha lets out resuming her happy dance.

**********

Everything falls back perfectly in place for the rest of the day. All Clarke needed to feel better was to spend some family time, to see her daughter happy once again and watch Lexa take care of them. Clarke was happy to finally have Lexa’s attention only for her and Masha.   
Lexa didn’t miss the looks Clarke was giving her. First, she was staring at her with heart eyes when she was playing with Masha. Then, she noticed how her eyes would drop down to her lips whenever she was talking to her. By the end of the day, Clarke was flirting with her _– she was shamelessly eye-fucking her_ _–_ and Lexa couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. She was teasing her and Lexa couldn’t do anything not even once they were in their bedroom since Masha didn’t leave them a second alone.

Lexa knows that her absence is the reason Clarke misses her but jealousy didn’t help. It sparked something in her, something that made Lexa feel loved more than any time in her life. She loved how overprotective Clarke was when it comes to her and Masha, it made her realize the depth of her love. She wasn’t doubting her love but deep down she felt like her love for Clarke was greater than Clarke’s one for her. She was wrong and it was the happiest misapprehension she ever had.

“We didn’t promise her anything tonight,” Clarke lets out breaking the silence and it takes Lexa a moment to realize what she is talking about.

“I’m taking her to bed then,” Lexa grins making Clarke chuckle. She gathers Masha’s toys from their bed first then takes her to her room. When she comes back to their room her jaw drops finding Clarke in lingerie, which not only doesn’t cover much but enhances her curves.

“Wow, you look…” Lexa breathes out then pauses staring at Clarke trying to find the right word then simply adds, “sexy.”

Clarke taps her hand on the bed next to her gesturing for her to sit. Lexa complies biting her lip loving the way Clarke is looking at her. Once she is closer, she trails her hands at her sides eyeing her from her to toe. Clarke likes the close attention and brings her wife in a searing kiss having waited way too long to again wait for her gaping.

“Wait, I wanna see you,” Lexa lets out boldly putting some distance between them and Clarke blushes. “You’re wearing too much clothes.”

“I know,” Lexa replies her eyes on Clarke who closes the distance between them and starts pulling up Lexa’s t-shirt up undressing her. “I wanna see you,” She repeats looking up at green eyes.

Lexa feels herself hardening at the sight of Clarke slowly kneeling down to take off her shorts. Clarke purposely teases her leaving light kisses on her thighs up to her crotch. Lexa wants to pull her wife up and kiss her like she never did, she wants to pull her up and throw her on the bed and make love her but refrains seeing that Clarke has something else planned for her.

Clarke trails kisses back up to Lexa’s abs making sure to tease Lexa in the right places without giving her completely what she wants.

“Sit down,” She orders pushing Lexa backwards to the bed then straddles her. Lexa systematically puts her hands on her hips but she is quick to push them away. “Not yet,” Lexa smiles to hide her eagerness feeling embarrassed at how fast she got hard.

“Tonight, we’re doing it my way,” Clarke breathes against her ear then sucks her earlobe making her shiver.

Lexa softly chuckles and Clarke takes it as an agreement. “Keep your hands to yourself and don’t move,” She adds getting off the bed to grab something. Lexa plays along putting her hands under her head and stares at her wife’s behind loving the view.

“Right,” Clarke lets out remembering then whispers for herself, “The blindfold firs.t” She goes back to her drawer and takes it before joining Lexa back on the bed. She straddles her and leans down kissing her again Lexa tries to deepen the kiss but with no success.

Clarke sits back and says, “Close your eyes.”

Lexa smiles then does as requested of her, Clarke blindfolds her whispering in her ear, “Tonight, I’m going to take my time and you better last.”

Lexa’s cock twitch at her words and sultry voice, she does her best to respect Clarke’s rules but the blonde isn’t playing fair. She feels the bed dip at her sides and just as she is about to ask her, _‘What are you doing?’_ she hears “I’m taking off my thong, the one you were checking just now.”

Lexa smiles and demands playfully, “Tell me more.”

“I told you, I’m taking my time tonight,” Clarke reminds her and Lexa could hear the smirk on her voice.

“Right,” Lexa breathes out and just as she is about to say more she feels Clarke’s tongue on her skin. “Fuck, Clarke!”

“Shh,” Clarke says against her breasts. “No talking, remember?”

Lexa clenches her hands, it’s going to be hard to keep silent while Clarke is tasting her and teasing her with her tongue like that but she eventually does letting Clarke have her way with her.

Clarke made sure to spend all her energy reconnecting with Lexa leaving her sated and exhausted. A few minutes after rolling off of her, she feels the need to share more with her wife. “Lexa?”

Lexa doesn’t reply and sleepily hums when Clarke asks her, “Are you asleep?” A smile curves Lexa’s lips, she loves when Clarke does that.

“Yes?....no," she answers lazily and asks back, "Are you?"

“No," Clarke replies happily.

"What’s bothering you?" Lexa asks knowingly. Clarke keeps silent for a moment then timidly lets out, "I want a baby, I really _really_ want another baby but-”

Lexa's heart drops at Clarke’s _‘but’_ She braces herself waiting for her to elaborate expecting the worst.

"I want you to be here, to help me with it," Clarke says tracing invisible patterns on Lexa’s skin. "It was hard to read a negative result without you."

"I'm sorry," Lexa whispers feeling her heart ache for her wife. She didn’t know Clarke did a pregnancy test.

"Would you do that for me?"

Lexa keeps silent not quite understanding what is asked of her but then Clarke adds, "Don't leave me alone, stay."

"I would....I'll do anything for you, Clarke. I'll do anything for our family," Lexa replies squeezing Clarke against her chest bringing their bodies the closest possible. Clarke clings to her in return, nothing feels better than skin to skin contact to remind her that she is not alone, that she will never be alone ever again.

_She has Lexa - her Lexa - and they have Masha._

"Look at me," Lexa softly demands while gently rubbing Clarke's back who is nuzzling her neck. Clarke tilts her head back and looks into green eyes feeling a little embarrassed at her neediness.

She knows she shouldn't be that needy at this stage of their relationship because she is the love of Lexa's life, they are married and they have a kid which means Lexa will always be with her just like she promised her one day.

“It won’t happen again. Next time we’ll do it together, alright?”

Clarke nods with a weak smile then Lexa adds, “What happened about not pressuring ourselves?”

“I know, I just-”

“Don’t, we have time and if we don’t get pregnant this time we’ll try again and again.”

“What if we won’t ever again?”

“Then…we’ll adopt,” Lexa lets out with a smile. “If it’s ok with you.”

“Adoption is a good alternative,” Clarke acquiesces.

“Good. Do you want to try again?” Lexa asks with a smirk.

“Please,” Clarke whispers.

**Few weeks later;**

  
Lexa respected Clarke's will to wait a week or two to do a pregnancy test but not a month _\- almost_. For Lexa it felt like an eternity as she could notice something has changed in her wife, Clarke became a lot emotional without mentioning that her eating habits changed even if she keeps denying saying that she doesn't feel any different.

Despite having Lexa by her side this time around, Clarke is still wary to do the pregnancy test because she didn't want to read another negative one. She didn't want Lexa to go through what she went last time.

She knows that Lexa run out of patience otherwise she wouldn't wake her up so early and especially not on her day off.

"Five more minutes," Clarke mumbles against her pillow.

"Please," Lexa whispers against Clarke's neck who stretches letting out a displeased moan. "I'm not leaving my bed," She protests seeing that her wife was already dressed.

Lexa pulls the sheets off of her and peckers her with kisses all over her body chanting _'Please'_ Clarke chuckles loving it. "You're making it harder for me to leave the bed."

"I want you to wake up not leave the bed…at least not yet," Lexa replies moving up to Clarke's face.

 _“Bonjour, mon amour.”_ (Morning, love.)

"What are you up to?" Clarke asks her yawning.

"I got you a pregnancy test...well, not only one obviously," Lexa says moving to the side of the bed to get a small bag on her nightstand and gives it to Clarke adding, "And I was hoping we use one today."

Clarke grimaces, she doesn't want to do it yet. "I...Lexa, it's too early."

"It's not," Lexa replies with a smile. "You're what? Three? Four weeks late? It's not _'too early'_ and I doubt I can wait any longer."

Clarke feels a ting in her heart, she doesn't want to make Lexa wait longer as the waiting is clearly killing her but she can’t help dreading that moment even if she is not alone. She doesn't want to live the same disappointment once again.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just....I don't think I can handle another negative result," She confesses with a weak smile. Lexa nods in understanding, "I get it, I do but this time I'm here with you whatever the result is."

"What if it's negative?" She asks with a sigh.

"Well, we'll..." Lexa wants to tell her _'we'll stop trying'_ but refrains and instead she says, "We'll do whatever you want...I'll do whatever you're comfortable with anything even adoption. We’ve talked about it, didn’t we?"

Clarke smiles at her. "Yeah, maybe we'll do that."

"It is. Now up to the bathroom with me," Lexa pulls Clarke up in a sitting position first and gives her the pharmaceutical bag then hoists her up bridal style and takes her to the bathroom. Clarke takes two tests out of their packages and looks at Lexa expecting her to leave but her wife is looking back at her with big eyes.

"Lexa, I can't do it if you keep looking at me like that," Clarke lets out feeling her cheeks burning.

"Oh, ok. I'll just....go then," Lexa replies disappointed and leaves to wait behind the bathroom's door and as soon as she hears the toilet flush she lets out, "Clarke? I know you're done."

Clarke chuckles at her wife's eagerness even if this is exactly why she didn't want to do it. It will break her heart just as it happened to her last time if not worse.

"Come in," Clarke lets out washing her hands in the sink. Lexa gets back and walks straight to the tests. "It's going to be positive."

"We don't know."

"I do," Lexa insists pulling Clarke in her arms, "sooner or later it's going to be positive."

"I hope so," Clarke sighs.

"You look pregnant."

"What?" Clarke laughs. "Are you saying I'm getting fat?"

"No, that's not what I meant...you look different."

Clarke nods, she has been feeling it too but she was afraid that it is only a “phantom pregnancy”.

Lexa's eyes widen. "You've been feeling it?"

"I don't know, maybe?" Clarke says hesitant. Lexa smiles tenderly at her then kisses her. "It's so hard to not get our hopes up, isn't it?"

"You've no idea," Clarke bites her lips squeezing Lexa's waist tighter against her. "What are you wishing for a boy or a girl?"

"It doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy."

"Of course you'd say that."

Clarke rolls her eyes at Lexa's reply, she knows she is not completely honest. "Come on', what do you prefer?"

"I'm not choosing, Clarke. I just want another baby with you. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter."

"A boy, isn't it?" Clarke insists staring at Lexa's eyes knowingly.

"Yeah, it would be perfect but I don't know if I can...I feel like raising a boy would be more complicated than raising a girl, don't you think?"

Clarke shrugs. "No, not necessarily. We both didn't know anything about raising a baby, nor did we have younger siblings yet we're doing a great job," She pauses then adds, "hopefully."

"We're doing good," Lexa agrees nodding and Clarke continues, "I mean why would raising a boy be any different from raising Masha?" Lexa simply smiles in lieu of a response. Clearly she is worrying and overthinking things like she always does. 

"See, you do have a preference," Clarke points out. "I do too."

"Boy or girl?" Lexa asks giving her a curious look.

"I'm not telling you," Clarke replies with a mischievous smirk and before Lexa can react she kisses her. When they break the kiss Lexa looks over Clarke's shoulder at the pregnancy test and says, "I think the five minutes are over."

"Not yet," Clarke replies kissing her again then pulls away from her arms. "Now, it is. Ready?"

Lexa nods eagerly at Clarke who takes the two test sticks in her hand and looks down at them for a moment before looking back at Lexa, eyes filled with tears.

"We're having a baby?" The words come out of Lexa's mouth as an affirmation rather than a question and Clarke lets out an involuntary happy sob nodding. She can't believe that both the tests she made read positive.

"I knew it," Lexa whispers with a strangled voice against her neck after pulling Clarke back in her arms.

“We’re having a baby,” Clarke whispers in disbelief.

“We deserve a special breakfast for that,” Lexa replies.

“Go wake up Masha and I’ll take care of it.”

“Oh my god! Do we tell her?” Lexa asks eyes widening. Clarke chuckles happily, “Of course but I doubt she would understand and wait nine months to see her baby borther.”

Lexa smiles happily at Clarke's choice of words and says, “Right, we'll tell her later.”

"Yeah, it's better."

“Oh and breakfast is ready,” Lexa informs Clarke with a smug face.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

Lexa shrugs, “I thought we would either want to celebrate or we would need comfort food.”

“I knew I did the right thing marrying you.”

**_Ten months later;_ **

_“Masha?”_ Lexa calls for her daughter feeling like the house was too silent. She tries again but Masha doesn’t answer. Instead of waiting for her daughter to come out of her hiding spot or answer her, Lexa goes to look for her but doesn’t find her where she left her. She starts panicking then she hears a high-pitched laugh coming from the nursery.

Masha apparently climbed into her sister’s cradle, woke her up and now she is playing with her. Lexa closes her eyes not believing what she is seeing, she just managed to put Lily asleep a few minutes ago.

 _“Masha, ma puce. Laisse ta petite sœur faire dodo.”_ (Masha, sweetheart. Let your baby sister sleep.)

 _"Je veux jouer avec elle,"_ (I want to play with her,) Masha replies giving Lexa the cutes pout.

 _“Plus tard, ma puce”_ (Later, sweetheart,) Lexa returns walking to get Masha out of Lily’s bed when she hears a soft cry.

 _“Voilà, Thomas s’est réveillé aussi._ _Viens par-là,"_ (Voilà, Thomas woke up too. Come over here,) Lexa takes her elder daughter out of Lily’s bed and puts her down then lulls her baby boy to sleep.

Barely a minute later, Clarke walks in the room and says, “Grumpy Masha is back, I wonder what upset her this time.”

“I found her in Lily’s bed again,” Lexa replies.

“Ow,” Clarke lets out, each time it pains her to deny Masha some time with her siblings. “You should have let her.”

“Clarke! I got them to sleep five minutes ago,” Lexa justifies.

“I know but-” Clarke tries to argue but Lexa quickly interrupts her. “Do you know how hard it is getting to put them to sleep?”

Clarke walks to Lily’s bed and scoops her up in her arms and tries to get her to sleep. She knows it is not easy to handle the twins alone but at the same time she doesn’t want Masha to be sad.

“Come on’ Lexa, she is doing the same thing you used to do with her when she was a baby. You can’t blame her,” Clarke reminds her.

Lexa smiles guiltily, “It’s different, she is a little girl and I was her mom who wor-”

“Yeah, it’s different. You should have waited as you’re clearly an adult,” Clarke argues back.

Lexa squeezes her eyes shut throwing her head back realizing that she upset her little girl, “Alright, you’re right. Where is she?”

In fact, Masha has been doing this thing; hiding whenever she is denied something; to show that she is upset repeatedly the last few days.

“Her room,” Clarke replies. “Go get her.”

Lexa puts Thomas back in his bed and rushes to her daughter’s room. She knocks lightly then walks in announcing, _“C’est mommy.”_

Masha hides further under her blanket and Lexa walks over to her adding, _“Lily veux sa soeur avec elle.”_ (Lily wants her sister with her.)

 _“C’est vrai?”_ (Is it true?) Masha mumbles without coming out of her blanket.

 _“Oui,”_ (Yes,) Lexa simply answers and finally Masha pulls her blanket down peeking over it at her mommy.

 _“Améne ta poupé et viens.”_ (Bring your doll and let’s go.)

Masha walks to her mother and kisses her, _“Merci mommy.”_ (Thanks mommy.) Lexa is taken aback by Masha’s gesture, usually her grumpy mood lasts longer.

Masha takes her doll and rushes back to the nursery on her own without waiting for her mommy. Lexa chuckles happily watching her running away, she can’t help remembering Clarke at five years old. Masha is growing up to look like the spitting image of _‘The crazy princess’_ and it makes Lexa’s heart swell with pride.

Lexa walks back to the nursery but then stops at the entrance taking a moment to stare at _her_ _family_ and quickly her vision is blurred by tears.

Never in her life did Lexa think that she would have her own family, at least nothing like the one she has now. She has loyal friends, both Anya and Raven are always by her side along with Costia. She has Abby which is like her friend, her confidante rather than a mother in-law. And she has her own family, she married her best friend _– the love of her life –_ and have three beautiful babies with her. She never thought that she would be a mother in the first place let along have three kids.

She realizes that what she has and what she is living is better than her wildest dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies for the mistakes, English is not my first language.


End file.
